Some thoughts on breaking out of the original family, I hope to leave you with feelings

Hello, studious questioner.

I have read your thoughts on the original family over and over again, and I have gone from initially agreeing with you to now having a different opinion. This will be the basis for our discussion of differences.

From your description, I get a sense of pressure. We must understand, be tolerant, and learn to reflect on ourselves when it comes to our family of origin, our parents, and ourselves. This is the standard. When we mention our family of origin, we should be able to achieve this level of understanding.

When I think about this, I realize that I have a tendency to overthink. If I can't do it, it doesn't mean that I'm not generous enough, don't understand others enough, or don't love my parents enough. I'm aware that I have flaws, but I'm also confident in my abilities.

I firmly believe that parents and children are not guilty, regardless of our past experiences or current circumstances. We are shaped by the culture and dynamics of our family, which inevitably influences our relationships and development. However, it's important to recognize that our emotional responses to our parents and children can vary greatly, and our relationships with them can be complex and multifaceted.

Everyone has experienced something in their growth that we have not experienced. We cannot simply say that you must understand and be tolerant. We can also choose not to understand, not to forgive, and not to reconcile. This depends on our own feelings. Our feelings are not in conflict with public order or good customs.

We must allow ourselves to experience, feel, and express these long-repressed negative feelings if we are to let go of the guilt our original family has brought us. This is an unavoidable part of the process.

If you skip the necessary steps and hope to reconcile with your parents, you will find that such reconciliation will also create some distance and barriers between you and the emotions you hope to experience. As the main characters, you will pass on the pent-up emotions in the form of projection or transference.

We learn and exchange psychology on this platform, sharing each other's voices and experiences. We have not given up on self-growth, and to a large extent, we have eased our emotions and improved our relationships with our family members. However, if the complex is not truly dealt with, when we reconcile for the sake of reconciliation and tolerate for the sake of tolerance, we are undoubtedly putting a straitjacket on ourselves. We may unknowingly criticize and condemn ourselves, which in turn affects our emotions, words, and actions, bringing new problems into the relationship and starting the cycle over again.

You're talking about our ideal country, something that each of us longs for within ourselves: the longing for love, for intimacy, for deep connection. We can pursue it without forcing it.

My personal understanding is that it is more realistic to first try to see ourselves, give love to ourselves, accept our imperfect parts (or the parts of our shadow), and reach a better reconciliation with ourselves. Focusing on the outside (parents, children, family) makes it difficult for us to find that anchor point, and we are more likely to swing.

The above opinions represent my personal views.

I am confident that we will all move towards the good in the end.

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I'm here to tell you that you can get through it! And I'm sending you a big, warm hug while I'm at it!

Absolutely! Each of us is influenced by our own family of origin.

I was also on another platform before, where I had the amazing opportunity to work in psychological counseling for more than three years. I got to help people with issues related to their original family.

But I was stuck there, and I was ready to get out!

The reason is that I can't change the past. At that time, both of my parents were already gone, so I had the chance to move on and start anew.

Two and a half years ago, I found a counselor here on this platform who changed my life! She told me that although I couldn't change the past, I could decide my own future.

But I can decide my own future!

In other words, it was NEVER too late to make changes, even if I was 43 at the time!

I truly realized then that I could decide on the past and even look to the future—and I did!

From that moment on, I was ready and raring to go, ready to change myself slowly but surely, one step at a time.

I wholeheartedly agree with what was said on this live broadcast half a year ago: we should not blame our entire family of origin for all our sins!

I really, really hope that you can resolve the problem you're facing soon!

Now I can think of only these things, and I'm excited to share them with you!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I am the answer, and I study hard every day!

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

Hello, my name is June, and I'm so happy to be here with you today!

From what you've shared, it's clear you've been thinking a lot about the "original family." I sense this might be a recent source of confusion for you, so I'd love to see more people join the discussion and share their thoughts.

I know it can be hard to hear, but the original family is guilty, but it's not the parents, let alone the children, who are guilty.

During class, the teacher once said something that really stuck with me: "Problems in the original family are not problems, they are a symptom. And symptoms are usually functional."

It's like a headache. A headache is just a symptom, you know. It could be caused by a cold, lack of sleep, high blood pressure, the effects of alcohol, lack of oxygen to the brain... the list goes on!

It would be really helpful to look into each of these things one by one.

Physical symptoms can show us that something is going on with our bodies, like with our breathing or digestion. The symptoms of the original family can also show us that there's an issue with the system.

Take this example, for instance. In some families, the husband and wife are enemies, the grandson is the boss, and the grandfather is the grandson. This system will have problems with unclear rights and responsibilities, identity confusion, and unclear boundaries.

I'll give you another example. There's a family where shouting is used to get people to eat, swearing is used to get people to talk, and beating is used to get people to do things.

The symptoms are there to get your attention and help you find the cause. So the symptoms themselves are not the problem. Therefore, the family of origin is not a disease, let alone a crime. From this perspective, I think the problem is choosing to ignore the problem and using the "symptoms" as an excuse to avoid responsibility.

It's like someone with a headache who uses the headache as an excuse to demand care, attention, and understanding from others, without addressing the cause of the headache, such as getting enough sleep, giving up alcohol, or exercising more. Nowadays, many people like to use "the original family" as an excuse for their problems.

Let's go back to the most basic instincts of animals. Everyone is on their own, but the family brings people together. It can feel a bit limiting at times, but it also gives people a sense of warmth and belonging.

The original meaning of the saying "every person is an island" is to teach people to be alone and not to be overly dependent, because in the end, one must walk the path of life alone to the end. It does not mean that family is a hindrance, though!

Humans are social animals because our abilities are not that great, so we need to stick together. When we work together, we can overcome bigger challenges and disasters. So, the family not only brings people together, but it also unites them. When we share common beliefs and goals, we can make the most of each other's strengths, weather the storm, create wealth, and pass it on.

Human wisdom is gained through competing with nature. Nature tells us that "everything has its limits" and that "the moon has its eclipses." It's so important to know how to give! Sometimes, appropriate sacrifices are needed for the common goals of the family, the clan, or even humanity.

So, if there are some limits in the family, it's also for the greater good!

I'm just throwing these ideas out there, but I'd love to hear your thoughts! Let's encourage each other!

Hello, host. I hope my answer helps.

I read your words carefully and see that you've thought deeply about this.

I agree that the original family is a family, not just "parents" or "children." Both parents and children are individuals. Sometimes, we expect too much from our parents or children, which makes us blame them for not doing enough. But everyone has their own limitations.

I agree that the past affects the present. But now we can change the past and even look to the future.

We can't change what happened in the past, but we can change how we think about it. This can help us have better relationships and think in new ways, which can lead to a better present and future.

I agree that we all get hurt in our families. We need to break out of it and not blame. We need to be tolerant, understanding, and think rationally and feel.

Blaming doesn't help. It makes things worse. If we can be tolerant, understanding, and think things through, it helps us and our families.

I'd also like to share some thoughts on the topic of the original family.

As children, we need to see our parents' faults and the harm done by our original families.

Our childhoods largely determine the quality of our early lives. But we can also grow throughout our lives. So, assessing the harm caused by our original families can also help us grow.

Parents are also victims of the environment.

Parents are also victims of the environment.

We judge parents harshly. We think they made mistakes, but they were also victims of their time.

Our parents are not to blame for everything that goes wrong in our lives. We are all influenced by our families, culture and society.

Our parents' actions are influenced by many factors, including family, culture, and society. When we blame them for our problems, we blame the collective.

Some parents let their daughters earn money to buy a house for their younger brothers because they value boys over girls. Many people received a repressive education as children. Even if they did well in exams, their parents would discourage them. This may seem like they are discouraging their children, but it may be because they were brought up with the idea that modesty is a virtue. When parents want their children to find a job within the system and not take risks, it may seem like they lack a sense of boundaries and want to control their children. But in fact, if we look back at the environment they grew up in, we will understand that in their day, a stable life was the best.

Our parents didn't get enough love and education. They grew up in chaotic and broken families. Their fathers were absent, and they were punished with sticks.

Some parents know their mistakes hurt their kids, but they keep making them. This is called intergenerational trauma.

Some parents know their mistakes hurt them, but they keep making them. This is called intergenerational trauma.

We must face the problem of changing from "victim" to "perpetrator" as a society.

"Parents are imperfect."

To view your original family objectively, you have to stop expecting your parents to be perfect.

As children, we love our parents and think they're perfect. As we grow up, we learn that parents aren't perfect.

When we realize that parents are not perfect, it is like breaking our relationship with the ideal parent again.

We may still blame our parents for their mistakes because we have high expectations of them.

These unfulfilled expectations blame the parents. Do you have expectations of your parents that are too much for them?

These expectations may also cause us to dislike our parents.

So, understanding that parents are imperfect is important. We will also disappoint our children.

[You can't avoid childhood hurt].

We are vulnerable to trauma during childhood because we rely on our parents. This instinct for survival makes it difficult for us to escape harm from our parents when we are young.

Our instincts for survival mean that until we are able to take care of ourselves, we depend on our primary caregivers. This is normal. Understanding this helps us to view these injuries with a calmer mind.

Our instincts for survival mean that until we are able to take care of ourselves, we depend on our primary caregivers. This is normal. Understanding this helps us to view these injuries with a calmer mind.

The original family has limited influence.

Our family of origin can harm us, but the harm is limited and can be fixed.

The famous psychologist Bronfenbrenner first proposed the "ecological systems theory." This theory says that the "original family" is a subsystem that has a big impact on a person, but it is not the only one. There are also schools, society, etc.

Also, one part of a person's life doesn't have a big impact. The same is true of the family they grew up in.

Many things influence a person's growth. We also interact with other groups like school, friends, and colleagues. We also gain knowledge from different sources. Most importantly, we have a lot of psychological resilience.

Many things affect a person's growth. Besides the family of origin, we are also exposed to other circles like school, friends, and colleagues. We also gain knowledge from different sources. Most importantly, we have a lot of psychological resilience within ourselves. This helps us heal and grow.

2. How can I make positive changes to break away from my original family?

2. How can I make a positive change and leave my family?

If we know change is possible, we can get out of hurt.

As long as we know change is possible, we can break away from what we see as our injury.

We can make some positive changes in three areas:

We can make some positive changes in three areas:

The first is to get to know your parents again.

Do we really know our parents?

● Do you know what life was like when your parents were young?

Parents had families too. What was the relationship like?

Do they like their job?

What are their strengths? What are their weaknesses?

There are many questions you can ask your parents, but not everyone can answer them. As children, we only see our parents as parents, but there's more to it.

It's important to understand our parents better. This helps us see their faults more clearly and move on from hurt. Talk to your parents about their childhood and past. Ask other family members what kind of parents they were.

Maybe they were just as confused and eager for the future as we are, but life pulled them back to reality early.

They're in their early twenties and taking on too much. They're not perfect and have shortcomings. Look at them and you'll understand. It'll be easier to let go of your obsession with the hurt.

Second, change your thinking and find the good in your parents.

Look at your parents in a more positive way.

For example, in your daily life, you can observe how your parents treat you and whether you have taken their love for granted. You can collect evidence of their care and record it.

You can also think about the good things your parents do. For example, your father is decisive and efficient, while your mother is good at communicating with people. You can list at least three of these things for each parent and think about how they are reflected in their lives. When you think about the good things, you can see the positive forces in your life.

Third, learn to separate your problems from others'.

Third, learn to separate your problems from others'.

To handle relationships well, we need to learn to separate our issues from those of others. We need to take responsibility for our own life issues.

The person who has the problem is the one who bears the direct consequences.

Nothing is perfect, but we must make our own decisions and accept the consequences.

Nothing is perfect, but we must make our own decisions and accept the consequences.

When faced with a choice, think about which responsibilities you should take on and which you should not. Clarify your topic and your parents' topic. Take on your own topic and don't impose your parents' topic on yourself. It will be easier and you'll find a better balance in your relationship with your parents.

I hope we can all get along with our original families. We should be tolerant, understanding, and analytical. We should feel the strength and love that our families bring us. Then we can break free from our original families and live our own wonderful lives!

Hello, my name is Gu Yi, and I'm a pretty modest and humble person, at least I try to be!

♥Some thoughts on the original family.

❀Take a moment to describe your feelings about your family of origin. Be gentle and objective, fair and rigorous. We're not emotional, we don't accuse or complain, but we look at our family of origin objectively. After all, we're born as human beings for the first time, and it's tough to know the difference between doing well and doing badly. Not being harsh is the kindest thing you can do.

From the very beginning, humans have always lived in groups. It's a natural thing for us! In the earliest days, people lived together for safety. And when there was a reason to celebrate, they'd all get together to have a good time, feeling happy about beating nature or other species. So, our natural sociability has always been strong at certain times. As we made progress, it started to change, becoming more focused on the nuclear family.

So, the early nuclear family is our original family, and in the future, we'll become the original family of other nuclear families! The problems that come up from the continuous changes to the original family from generation to generation are different, too. This is the evolution of family models, which requires family members to communicate, grow, think, and change as much as possible.

Here are a few thoughts on breaking through.

❀Put as many demands and expectations on yourself as possible. In the name of love, there can be many demands or being kidnapped by some kind of "for your own good." Most people are willing to directly superimpose their own life experiences on others. The initial intention is good, but if there is no equality in communication, it will naturally become a kind of preaching, which will lead to conflicts.

It's so important to build your own core self-confidence. We all have those moments when the echoes of our original family come back to us, whether we're feeling a bit complacent or disappointed. It can feel like they're shattering us, but we can get through it.

So, it's really important that we understand who we are as people and have our own core confidence. That way, we'll have even greater strength!

It's so important to have family boundaries. We all have different ideas about privacy, and this can cause problems in many families. In the past, people with limited resources found it hard to protect each other's privacy, or they paid too much attention to the affairs of other family members, which meant their own lives were controlled and they were lectured on by others. We can establish an emotional boundary in the family, starting with respect and then love, and everyone can get along more easily and happily.

Good day.

My name is Kelly Shui from Xin Tan.

I am grateful for the opportunity to discuss my understanding of this topic further. It is a privilege to share my insights with you.

[Some Thoughts on Breaking Free from the Original Family]

In my previous life and in my family of origin, I have consistently experienced internal contradictions. I harbor negative sentiments towards my mother, yet I have encountered difficulty in articulating this to others, as some have perceived it as a transgression.

As a result, I have experienced periods of depression on multiple occasions. The primary issue is that I have struggled to find individuals who can fully comprehend my emotional state.

Alternatively, individuals may come and accuse me of holding such beliefs.

The prevailing view in psychology is that individuals should accept their parents' imperfections and embrace their emotions.

This includes feelings of anger towards one's mother, hatred, the ability to perceive one's emotions, and the capacity to recall one's past self, which is characterised by feelings of helplessness and weakness.

The self that has never been comprehended.

I am particularly fond of the following quotation: "Discharge first, then repair."

The catharsis of emotions is akin to the process of addressing the pain of a wound. With time, the wound will scar over, allowing new flesh to grow.

I compare the counselor to the "doctor" who treats the wound. She opened my heart and observed the pain, helplessness, anger, and grievances within. The process of accompanying me was the process of gradually allowing the wound to heal.

Including my own study of psychology, I have found that after expressing my emotions, I feel more relaxed and at ease. At the same time, with the help of the counselor, I saw that I had actually left that environment, and even left my parents' side. As a result, I have become an independent person.

"The original family unit is comprised of both parents and children."

Upon completion of my studies in psychology and subsequent practice of psychological counseling, I came to a gradual comprehension of the concept of separation.

I am particularly fond of the book The Courage to Be Disliked, in which the third night is to cease engaging with those who impede one's progress.

This is specifically in reference to Adler's concept of the separation of subject.

It is asserted that

1: All interpersonal conflicts have their roots in the interference of one party in the affairs of another, or in the interference of another party in the affairs of the first party.

To illustrate, my mother believes I am obliged to provide financial assistance to my family and siblings, despite my personal reservations. However, I do not consider it my obligation to act contrary to my parents' expectations.

Nevertheless, I am motivated to provide assistance. As I experience increased discomfort, I tend to become more depressed.

If I do not permit my mother to encroach upon my autonomy, I can inform her that I am an independent adult, that my sister is an independent adult, that my brother is an independent adult, and that each of us has established our own boundaries.

At that time, I was unaware of my own identity and the underlying causes of my behavior. These included a fear of my mother from my childhood, an inability to assert myself, and a continued effort to please her while disregarding my own emotions.

As a result, they tend to suppress their emotions, which can ultimately lead to the deterioration of interpersonal relationships.

This is why I concur with your position.

2. The capacity to distinguish between problems allows for significant transformation in interpersonal relationships.

After studying psychology, one might posit that the majority of problems encountered in life can be readily solved.

In considering the various "demands," "suggestions," "evaluations," or "requests" presented by one's mother, it is essential to reflect on who ultimately bears the consequences.

Please consider these points before responding.

Should I accept, I thereby assume responsibility for my own actions and decisions.

If I choose to resist, I am entitled to do so in a calm and peaceful manner, informing my parents that these matters are not my concern.

I reject my mother. Others posit that such matters are beyond my control. I accept this, decline to engage, or respond with humor. It is my prerogative to determine the manner in which I interact with this issue.

[Self-differentiation]

Despite the fact that we remain connected to our original family, we have not yet developed the capacity to differentiate ourselves sufficiently. When parents and children engage in mutual blame and attack, they become trapped in a vicious cycle of self-blame and further attacks, unable to extricate themselves.

This dynamic is analogous to that of two children who have not undergone sufficient maturation. When one party treats the other poorly, the relationship is inevitably damaged.

This represents the initial stage of the process of establishing a distinct identity from that of one's parents.

Overly intertwined relationships have a detrimental impact on both parties and impede the child's growth and development.

Subsequently, individuals have undergone self-differentiation, attaining the capacity to recognize their boundaries and manage intimacy and distance effectively.

They provide assistance to one another when it is required, but they do not become enmeshed in one another's emotional states.

Those who are experiencing distress will inevitably undergo changes. A family can be conceptualised as a system, and as such, when one member undergoes a transformation, the system as a whole will also be affected.

[Boundaries]

It is essential to recognize that past experiences will inevitably influence present circumstances.

However, the ability to influence the past and contemplate the future is now within our grasp.

I am particularly struck by this sentence of yours. Upon recognizing that my depression originated from unresolved emotions from an early age, I also came to perceive that I had become enmeshed in the past, causing harm to myself and damaging relationships.

It is imperative to safeguard one's own boundaries, pursue a gradual process of self-exploration, cultivate self-love, accept oneself unconditionally, facilitate one's own healing, and pursue personal growth.

It is important to allow oneself to be free from the pressure of forcing oneself to act in a certain way.

It is important to distinguish between one's own relationships and those of others, including their affairs and emotions.

It is imperative that we strive to comprehend one another within the familial context. This necessitates the avoidance of any form of aggression or self-blame.

As previously stated, the act of accepting oneself is of paramount importance.

Subsequently, upon accepting these emotions, I also came to recognize that no parents are without flaws.

Additionally, it is important to consider the parents' perspective, which may entail demonstrating tolerance, understanding, and rational analysis while also allowing for emotional expression.

For example, an investigation of the parents' original family, upbringing, and historical background may facilitate the gradual dissolution of negative sentiments towards the mother.

This process is inherently lengthy and cyclical in nature.

1. It is recommended that you maintain a journal of your observations. This has been a process that has spanned almost ten months.

2. Immersion learning

3. The systematic study of family therapy.

4. It is recommended that, whenever an emotion arises, it be observed and discussed.

It is essential to be in the present moment and allow the natural process to unfold.

The current state of the relationship between the subject and their parents is as follows:

I am particularly fond of the French writer Mark Levy's "The Man Who Stole His Shadow."

However, when viewed without the fantastical elements, "The Man Who Stole His Shadow" can be seen as a narrative about the process of maturation.

One encounters a multitude of individuals throughout the course of one's lifetime, and experiences a vast array of emotions. However, the source of these experiences can be traced back to one's parents.

Parents are the primary source of empowerment in an individual's life.

In the context of family therapy, I documented the strengths and weaknesses of my parents, my own current strengths and weaknesses, and the strengths I am grateful for and have learned from my parents.

Concurrently, I resolved to disrupt the intergenerational cycle and mitigate some of my own shortcomings.

This will facilitate the growth of a healthier next generation and support their development into the individuals they aspire to become.

It is important to be available to your child, to offer encouragement when needed, and to be a source of understanding.

It is imperative that parents serve as a secure and reliable source of support for their children.

The optimal gift that parents can bestow upon their children is to fulfill their roles effectively. Additionally, children anticipate that their parents will demonstrate mutual affection, personal well-being, and positive emotional states.

It is also possible that this is a gift from my parents to me when I have these thoughts.

It is my sincere hope that you may find peace.

I extend my affection to the world and to myself.

Hello. I have read your post carefully and can tell you have given this a lot of thought. I don't know if you are a psychologist or understand human nature in society, but you are very clear, and your words are worth pondering and taking as an example.

I agree with you entirely. The original family is a family, not just "parents" or "children." Both parents and children are independent individuals, just like any other ordinary person. They were also at an age when they were just beginning to understand the world. When they became parents, they were also living in that era, and every era has its own pressures that people have to face in order to survive and live.

We often place excessive expectations on our parents, creating unrealistic demands that they are unable to fulfill. In such instances, we tend to blame them for shortcomings or perceived inadequacies. However, it's crucial to recognize that we are shaped by our own perspectives and that the challenges our parents faced during our upbringing are unique to them.

We must address the problems in the original family.

1. Everyone has been hurt to a greater or lesser extent in their original family. We must break out of this, but not by pointing the finger. Instead, we need to be tolerant, understanding, and rationally analyze and feel.

2. Accusations don't help. They make things worse. If we can be tolerant, understanding, and rational, and analyze and feel, whether it is for ourselves or for our family, and accept ourselves, then we will be happier.

— — —

Next, we will find ways to do this together.

1. As children, we must view our parents' faults and the "hurt" of the original family objectively. If there is something to be forgiven, tell them and listen to their side of the story.

2. Let's be clear: many of the so-called parental faults we see are actually the result of our using today's cultural concepts to judge them. This approach is not fair to the parents, who are also victims of the wider environment.

Think about it from a different perspective.

3. Parents' parenting styles are shaped by a multitude of factors, including their families, cultures, and societies. They also have their own families, so let's not blame them for what they didn't create.

4. Peasants and citizens, intellectuals and rascals are not formed in one day, and require many external factors. Therefore, treat everyone with kindness.

We must put ourselves in the shoes of our parents' generation and look at them in the context of their environment. We will discover that they did not receive good enough love and education either, and that they themselves even experienced chaotic and broken lives, just getting by in order to survive.

These are my thoughts, and I'm going to share them. Thanks to the original poster for the chance to do so. Liu Qi, I'm certain the damage to the original family is getting smaller and smaller! The world loves them, and so do we.

Hello.

Your insights into the original family are accurate, which shows you are mature. However, we still need to discuss some of these ideas.

Maximizing mutual interests and one's own interests.

This view is similar to Collins' "Interaction Ritual Chains," which is also rational.

American sociologist Randall Collins developed the theory of interaction ritual chains based on Erving Goffman's theory. In 2004, he published the book Interaction Ritual Chains, which provides a new perspective on understanding human behavior. Collins asserts that every interaction between people is a ritual and that each ritual can be found on a continuum of ritual intensity.

In Collins's theory of the interactive ritual chain, there are three core concepts: the interactive ritual market, identity symbols, and emotional energy. The interactive ritual market is an abstract market, and like a tangible physical market, it is also a place for the exchange of resources.

Identity symbols and emotional energy are the two most important resources in the interactive ritual market. Collins is certain that emotional energy is the driving force for both parties to participate in interactive rituals.

Emotional energy is not what we usually call emotions or feelings. It is a continuum of emotions. Individuals invest various costs such as time, energy, material, symbolic capital, and emotional energy in interactive rituals, and their ultimate goal is to maximize the acquisition of emotional energy.

This is why people's pursuit of emotional energy is highly rationalized.

The family is also a major "emotional energy" trading market. Each person demands "emotions" from the other: "You have to satisfy my sense of security, worthiness, significance, and intimacy, or you're wasting my time and energy." Family members are in a relationship of mutual reflection, mutual support, and mutual achievement.

We must be vigilant against the aggressive consumer culture that affects the way we interact with each other. There is no place for transactional love between family members.

I agree with you wholeheartedly. Family members must understand, tolerate, and rationally analyze each other. This is fine if you apply it to yourself, but if you ask other family members to do the same, you will fall into mutual accusations and attacks again because understanding others is an ability that needs to be acquired. Before understanding others, the most difficult thing to do is to understand yourself. The more difficult it is to understand yourself, the more eager you are for your partner's understanding.

The ability to empathize is an invaluable skill for understanding others. Before "Nonviolent Communication," the ability to be empathic was the ability to be developed. Empathy is the ability to understand the unique experiences of others and respond accordingly, giving us the energy, direction, and purpose of our lives. Empathy is the path to love and forgiveness.

Empathy is a bridge that allows us to cross the divide between people.

I agree with you. The family connects each isolated island, and it is this sense of connection that makes us feel warm.

I am a listening coach, Zhang Huili. I am confident my answer will resonate with you. If you find it useful, please give it a thumbs up!

The original poster's topic is similar to mine. Many "problematic family" issues are not caused by parents or children. It's more likely that the energy fields don't match.

My rebellious period was rough. I became depressed at a time when others should rebel. I held all my words inside to prevent disrupting family harmony.

When I was a sophomore, I had a huge fight with my father because I didn't want to study. He said that all the students in my class could get into a 985 university, but I would have to work at the mall. I should have said, "Then you have to support me."

I hated him.

Is there something wrong with my family of origin? It doesn't seem right.

My family is usually harmonious. My parents love me, and I love them. But I have to hold back and stop doing things to take care of their feelings.

I don't know if they care about my feelings. Sometimes I feel that this is hypocritical. We're family, so what can't be said? But I just can't say it...

I have a GZH, not to mention it's operational. I had to use a public platform to express myself when I was sick. Expressing emotions leads to problems.

My father is uncomfortable with these disagreements. He says that I will offend my relatives on WeChat and that I'm only acting when I'm sick. Is it strange that what I write when I'm sick is sick?

Second, he has never had a normal way of expressing himself. When I express my anger, he gets jealous. I've realized I can't change him, so I don't try. I just have such a father, and I love and hate him.

Parents and children always play games, and parents never win. There's no reason for these games. If there is a reason, it's that children grow up and parents grow old.

I believe the questioner is correct in thinking that the present is good. I am grateful to have met with them.

Upon reading this title, I felt that it was distinct from the questions I had previously answered, and it piqued my interest. I decided to come in and share my thoughts on my relationship with my biological family.

After initially learning about my family of origin, I experienced a shift in my feelings towards my parents. Initially, I felt a sense of resentment and even hatred towards them. However, I was also surprised by this change in emotions. I realized that I was actually harboring negative feelings towards my parents, who had given birth to me and raised me.

"At the same time, I feel that there is a reason I can't do this, so I've been stuck here for a long time, suffering. This is also the driving force behind my study of psychology.

First, it is important to recognize that parents are not perfect, and it is natural for children to have expectations of them. After learning about the challenges in the original family, it can be challenging to tolerate or accept past words and deeds. Parents have limitations in many aspects and are also influenced by their social background. Even now, when they are old, they may still have a childlike quality.

It is not helpful to expect our parents to change into the perfect parent. Instead, we can benefit from seeing the limitations of our parents, becoming our own spiritual parents, and nourishing and re-nurturing our inner children.

Secondly, it would be beneficial for us to learn to separate from our parents, not only in terms of our independence, but also in terms of their grudges and emotions. If we fail to do so, there is a possibility that we may repeat their emotions, and even illnesses caused by such emotions.

As children, we should try to avoid getting involved in the problems between our parents. It's often best for them to work things out between themselves. In many families, parents, especially mothers, may sometimes encourage their children to take sides or involve them in the situation.

It is possible that this may result in further damage to family relationships and the children being drawn into the problem.

Thirdly, it may be helpful to try to see the positive aspects of the experiences we have had in our original family. If we focus solely on the negative aspects, it may be more difficult to move forward and create a positive future.

Perhaps we can find a way to move forward from this situation by recognizing the positive aspects that have emerged as a result of this challenge. While we cannot undo what has already happened, we can choose to perceive things differently.

I have gained some insights about my family of origin. I believe that the world and I have much to love!

Hello, landlord. I want to join the fun. I wrote about the original family today. I have excerpted them below for discussion. We will also be the original family of our future children. Breaking out of our original family means achieving a better original family.

In the original family, parents and children are like a U-shaped tube, with the child at the bottom. The parents' physical and emotional waste flows into the child's body. Many mental illnesses and behavioral deviations are caused by energy depletion.

Many families become ill. A family with behavioral problems is the most likely to become sick. Personal problems indicate a sick family. A sick family reflects the sickness of the entire social system.

If one parent is sick, the child's energy will go to that parent. Negative energy will also go to the child.

Parents are pillars of life and spiritual energy. They must take care of themselves.

Some parents want their children to do well, but they don't know that a strong foundation is what makes a child flourish. People may not notice the energy loss over a month or a year, but what about 20 or 30 years from now? The child's future and the parents' expectations are determined by the little things that affect energy.

Parents lose control of their emotions when they are unhappy, things don't go their way, or their children don't listen. Children receive low energy from their parents.

Some parents are always grumbling. This drains their energy and that of their children.

If parents are angry and have poor relationships, the family will be stressed. This makes everyone more likely to get sick and to have trouble sleeping.

Some parents don't praise their children. They find fault and criticize, and compare them to other kids.

This makes children more frustrated.

These things hurt children:

Arguing makes children learn right from wrong.

Parents often argue. After each fight, the mother will ask the child whether it was the father's fault or the mother's. This is a typical example of "psychological reverse feeding." When the mother argues and wants her children to judge for her, she is not standing in her position as a mother. She is like a wounded little girl, looking for help from someone stronger to stand up for her.

Children must make their mother the judge, which is hard. It's hard for anyone to decide family matters, especially a child.

Such children learn early on that their family is unsafe, that they are responsible for others' relationships, or that they are to blame for their parents' fights. A child's energy should be used to support and nourish their parents. A mother's complaining, picking on others, and blaming others drain her children's energy.

2. Unbounded devotion

Parents give without limits. They arrange their child's work, choose their profession, and the child feels no joy or sense of value in doing it. Eventually, the child gives up work and becomes depressed. Such parents deprive their children of their right to freedom and independence. They decide on a major for their children, arrange their work, and interfere in their romantic relationships. The child is not respected and never makes decisions for their own life. This is the greatest form of energy drain.

It's not the parents' fault, but they have a wounded child in their hearts. They project this onto their own child. Raising their child according to their own needs is nourishing their own wounded child.

Parents give a lot to their children, but it's to meet their own needs, not the children's. If a child's energy is depleted, he'll live with suffering.

3. Parents are absent.

Many girls who grew up in patriarchal families have become mothers. She doesn't want her daughter to experience the same lack of love as she did. She hopes to give her child enough love and freedom, and let her child make decisions on everything from an early age. Letting go is a sign of respect and love for the child, but it's still out of protection for the wounded part of herself.

If the mother is not a mother, her daughter will be drained of energy. She will be anxious and restless. Parents are the source of their children's energy.

4. Critical or overprotective parents

Harsh criticism or unprincipled spoiling both drain children's inner energy, making them feel insecure and have low self-esteem.

Parents should not project their own childhood wounds onto their children. There is no need to blame your parents for treating you this way. Our grandparents grew up during a time of war and turmoil in our country. Today, we have the conditions to grow ourselves.

When we heal, we won't impose our unfulfilled expectations on our children. They'll live their own lives in a safe, free environment. If we're full of energy and complete, we'll solve family and life problems. Some people are drained, listless, and give up.

Some people are energetic, proactive, and resilient.

5. Parents only criticize.

Some parents think praising their children makes them arrogant. But it's bad behavior that needs to be corrected.

Nagging and lecturing drain energy from children. Saying no implies the child is not doing enough.

Instead of pushing him, praise him so he can make positive changes on his own. As long as the child is serious, in a good mood, and full of energy, let time do its thing.

6. Parents are too controlling.

Chinese mothers are usually strong. The stronger they are, the more dissatisfied they become.

Strong women are pitiful. In her conversation with Qingyin, Wu Zhihong talks about the strength of Chinese women. Unfortunately, our culture has created pitiful strong wives and mothers.

A strong mother with little ability can drain her daughter's energy.

Some girls are scared of being unemployed. After quitting their job, they'll take any position offered to them.

Some girls set high standards for themselves, are dedicated at work, can rise to management positions, give orders to their children at home, and sometimes do the same to their lovers. They are often in a controlling situation at work. However, the person being controlled feels uncomfortable, and whenever they resist, the controller panics.

She and those around her become tired and the relationship becomes tense. Such a strong personality is not strong.

If we had a rough childhood, can we become better parents and enjoy a second childhood?