Tell my parents to keep it a secret; they often blab about it after turning around, it's so frustrating, what should I do?

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your question. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

Kindly extend a warm embrace.

Your confusion: "Recently, I applied for a position with a company and was interviewed. They provided a clear response indicating that I was hired. When I returned home, I informed my parents, who expressed satisfaction.

I requested that they refrain from sharing this information, but by the next day, nearly everyone in the family was aware of the situation. I was dissatisfied with the circumstances, but I chose to remain silent, as I was concerned about the potential for conflict during the New Year.

Subsequently, I was offered an interview with the company in question, but they ultimately decided not to hire me. I was somewhat disappointed, and at the time I was considering whether to inform my parents. However, given that they had already begun preparing to rent a place for me, I simply informed them that the opportunity had not materialized.

I was disinclined to accept the rejection and concerned that it might be shared with others. I informed them (particularly my mother) on three occasions that I did not want it to be discussed further and they agreed to respect my wishes.

As it transpired, I received a WeChat message from a relative in the evening. Upon review of the message, it became evident that my mother had informed others.

I was displeased with the turn of events. Why?

I anticipate that when I return and inquire, she will likely respond with a statement such as, "They are all relatives, and it is only natural for people to care about you."

"It's a challenging situation."

It is important to note that every time a secret was shared with your mother, it was subsequently revealed to others. This caused you to feel disillusioned, as the person you had placed your trust in had breached your confidence.

I believe this issue can be examined from two perspectives.

Firstly, in terms of methodology, it is advisable to refrain from sharing certain secrets with your mother, given her proclivity for disclosing information to others. Secondly, it is important to learn to accept the reality that we all have both strengths and weaknesses. While it is natural to share positive experiences and avoid discussing negative ones, it is essential to recognise that everyone faces challenges and setbacks in life. Navigating these challenges with an open mind is crucial for personal growth. It is therefore important to be mindful of others' opinions, but to focus on maintaining a positive outlook and pursuing your goals with determination. This is our second key point: it is essential to focus on your own actions and decisions, regardless of external feedback.

Secondly, it is important to be mentally prepared for this transition. I am unsure if my mother will share this information with others, but if she does, it is likely because she cares about you and wants to support you. By sharing your positive news with others, they may also find their own value in this. Because you have demonstrated your abilities, he may feel that he is also capable of achieving his goals. This is something that cannot be avoided. It is also your mother's choice. She will likely choose to share this positive news, including your new employment. You can prepare mentally for this. She will likely choose to share this information with others.

The second factor to consider is the opinions of relatives and friends. It is important to remember that the opinions of friends are just that—opinions. They are simply ideas, and ideas are not necessarily factual. Relatives and friends may believe that I have recently started to look for a job, only to have not yet found one. This could lead them to question whether I am being truthful or if my abilities are limited.

Are they saying this and that? Everything is a matter of self-attack. They may not have said anything. This is your inner self, and you must address it. Regardless of external opinions, you must continue to work hard, enhance your value, and find a job that aligns with your skills and interests. This is the most important thing!

This is the extent of the information I am willing to share. I wish you well in your future endeavors.

Hello, questioner! I see your question and I understand your confusion. I'll answer from the following points:

1. Understand your dilemma. Sometimes the excessive attention of those around us can make us feel at a loss or in an awkward situation. We all want to present the best possible version of ourselves to others and don't want to show the less-than-perfect side. You were happy to have landed the job and told your parents, not wanting to let anyone else know. But then your parents went and told the other relatives, which made the subsequent failure of the interview an extremely embarrassing situation for you. You were frustrated on several levels: on the one hand, you failed the interview; on the other hand, you felt that your parents had not respected you by spreading the news about you without your consent. On the other hand, the real source of your frustration actually came from the fact that the interview didn't work out in the end. For those relatives and friends who knew that you had landed the job, you felt that you had lost face. This is just human nature. Your parents may also be people who care about face, and you are probably more afraid of your relatives' comments, especially negative ones.

Second, people want to share their emotions. Parents may also tell their relatives and friends about things that make them happy or unhappy because of their expectations for you and their own emotions. Since it has already happened, whether you accept it or not, it is already a fact. We can try to break down the hurt feelings we have. We cannot change our parents, nor can we change what has already happened. But you can change the way you face things. No matter what your relatives and friends say, you are the one who lives and works. They, your parents, represent only their expectations and their perceptions. The key is still in yourself. How do you see yourself? What do you want to do next? Find new opportunities.

I can sense the frustration and resentment in the questioner's heart. The questioner shared his personal matters with his family because he sees himself and his family as one, and he felt that it was okay to share with his family and there was no need to share with outsiders. However, perhaps the questioner did not realize that when he told his family not to tell others, his family did not understand, and they did not understand why the questioner would "ask" them not to tell others.

At the same time, the questioner's request might come across as "forced control and domination," which is something the questioner might not even realize. Of course, as a parent, you don't want to be forced, controlled, or dominated by your children. So, it's totally understandable that you'd rebel against being forced, controlled, or dominated by sharing this information.

The questioner's question reminds me of a friend of mine. Every time she tells me something, she says, "Don't tell anyone," and I say, "Okay." Later, when it happened more often, I said, "Next time, you better not tell me. Since it's something you can't tell anyone else, it's better if you just keep it to yourself. There's no need for me to know." She laughed when she heard that, and from then on, she stopped asking me not to tell anyone when she told me something.

Similarly, if someone doesn't want a lot of people to know about their personal affairs, they can just keep it to themselves. Or, they can say it without asking others not to tell others. And, even if other people know, it's no big deal. We've all lived like this before, and we've all had this and that happen to us!

In life, many things are like this. Whether or not to tell something is a personal matter, and whether or not others will keep a secret after you tell them is another matter entirely. Top secret information is leaked in movies and in real life, not to mention personal matters. No one can control or dictate the actions of others, and that's okay! The only things you can control are most of your own actions. If you really don't want too many people to know about your personal matters, the best way is to keep them to yourself.

If you really want to share it, you can share it in some WeChat or QQ groups where you don't know anyone. It's totally fine if they find out! Of course, some people might laugh at it, and that's okay. You just have to be confident in your own choices.

I hope these personal opinions help you as much as they've helped me!

Hello, question asker! I'm Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu, your Heart Exploration coach.

When I went home for the New Year, a close friend of mine told me something really interesting. He said that he didn't like going home for the New Year. When everyone sits together in the hometown, they talk about this family's problems and that family's problems. It's not interesting.

Have you ever wondered why relatives love to gossip?

The increase in labor productivity has led to a lot of free time for idle chatter, which is great because it means there are plenty of new topics to talk about! Parents want their children to be their pride, and they want to help their children do something, for example, asking a relative to take care of them. This may explain why the author's parents let everyone know whether the author is doing well or not, which is a wonderful way to show their love and support!

It may be challenging to change the fixed thinking patterns of parents, but it's an exciting opportunity to discover new ways of thinking! It may also be challenging for the questioner to pin their hopes on their parents keeping secrets for them, but it's a chance to learn to stand on their own two feet. If you understand your mother's way of acting, the best way to deal with it may be to wait until the dust settles and see what happens!

I have a suggestion for you! Why not try telling your mother your bottom line? For example, you could say that if she doesn't keep a secret this time, you won't tell her your secrets next time. I think you'll be amazed at how quickly her behavior changes after a few iterations!

Ask yourself this: why are you willing to share with your mother despite knowing her characteristics? Could it be because you want to share your emotions? Or is it because you lack other channels to do so?

Absolutely! Give yourself more channels to express your feelings, and you'll see that it'll reduce the questioner's dependence on his mother.

It's so interesting to see how different generations think! The parents' generation is all about human relationships, while our generation is more focused on ourselves. It's no surprise that there are so many differences between the two!

I highly recommend reading "The Power of Empathy" and "A Single Thought"!

Best regards! I'm so excited to see you soon!

I understand your frustration. It's natural to feel disappointed and angry in this situation. Job interviews are a private matter, and I expect my family to respect my privacy and wishes.

It is normal to feel a range of complex emotions in situations such as job interviews and family members revealing private information. These emotions may be a result of invasion of privacy, destruction of trust, or unfulfilled expectations.

First of all, the breach of privacy is an invasion of your control and dignity. When personal information is spread by others, you feel passive and exposed. At the same time, the destruction of trust is also a major sore point. You expressed to your parents that you did not want them to spread it, but they did not respect your wishes. This makes you feel disappointed and hurt.

Furthermore, the failure of the interview has placed you in a vulnerable state, and the family's actions have undoubtedly exacerbated your emotional distress.

In this situation, it is crucial to adjust your emotions. First, understand your emotions and accept them. Don't deny or suppress them; face them head-on and deal with them.

You can release negative emotions through talking, keeping a diary, exercising, etc. You should also try relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and meditation to calm your mood.

Additionally, you should communicate with your parents. Tell them your true feelings and express your hope that they can understand and respect your choices and decisions. Remind them to keep secrets in similar situations in the future.

You must learn to communicate effectively with your family. Choose an appropriate time to express your feelings and thoughts honestly and tell them your expectations and bottom line.

At the same time, understand the position and motives of your family members. They may not mean to upset you, but they are just being concerned and well-intentioned. Establish a more open and respectful communication style to improve your relationship with each other.

Finally, learn to let go of the past and look forward. When faced with setbacks and difficulties, don't dwell on negative emotions. Instead, actively adjust your mindset and look for new opportunities and possibilities.

You have to accept failure if you want to grow up. Believe in your abilities, persevere in pursuing your goals, and trust that the future will be better.

When faced with emotional distress, accept it, release it, communicate, and face it positively. These methods will help you understand and adjust your emotions, get out of trouble, and pick yourself up again.

Communication and understanding among family members is essential. You must solve this problem through honest dialogue and gain more mutual respect and understanding. If necessary, you can also consider seeking mediation from a neutral third party.

You will get out of this, pull yourself together, and find a suitable job. You will succeed.

Give the original poster a big hug!

I can totally relate to your frustration. It feels like nothing is a secret when it comes to your parents. Let's take a closer look at it together.

This is something that's actually caused by our traditions. We're all part of one big family, and we always feel that blood ties make us the closest to each other, especially to our parents. They live in a world without boundaries, and they like this feeling. This is something we just can't change, but that's okay!

So, when they hear that you've found a good job, they'll be overjoyed and tell everyone around them. They're so proud of you and happy for you! I'm sure you understand how they feel. When you're happy, you're the first to share the good news with your parents. They're also very close to you, so even if you've told them not to, they'll still tell others.

It's clear that your parents really care about you.

I'm really sorry to hear that you weren't finally accepted. It's so disappointing when things don't go our way, isn't it? I can understand why your parents repeated their old trick and informed everyone. I don't think your parents are crafty at all! They're honest and straightforward, and they truly treat those relatives as if they were family, telling them everything without being afraid of whether it is embarrassing. I know you might feel embarrassed yourself, but your parents don't, which is a good thing. You can feel relieved instead.

Secondly, the same goes for your relatives. They'll also send you WeChat messages to comfort you, which shows that they don't think it's a big deal either. They're happy for you if you find a job, and they worry for you if you don't. This is a great sign that your relatives care about you!

I totally get where you're coming from. In today's world, it's really important to have a sense of boundaries with each other. It's so easy for things to get blown out of proportion, even the smallest things. I've got a few suggestions for you:

1. We are adults. It's a common misconception that if you tell someone not to tell others, they really won't tell. The truth is, we can't hold back what we want to say, so it's not really possible to guarantee that someone else won't tell. So, if you really don't want others to know, then just keep the door closed. We and our parents also need to have a sense of boundaries, not like children who shout when they get 100 points. So, be mature and learn to grow up, and first establish a sense of boundaries with your parents.

2. If you and your parents have a very close relationship and you can't help but share everything, I think that's wonderful! Just be prepared for the possibility that your parents might tell others. When you say, "You guys can't tell anyone," you have to be prepared for the possibility that they will tell others. With this in mind, even if they do tell others, you'll be able to handle it calmly.

I know it's tough, but I promise you won't be so angry.

3. I truly believe that your relatives have the best of intentions. They just want to show their concern. So, let's look at it from another perspective: more people mean more options. They know it's not a bad thing that you haven't found a job yet, and they can all help keep an eye out for a good opportunity. If there's a good opportunity, it's good to have people looking for you, and you're good to be free. It's a good match, isn't it? We often hold everything in and rely on ourselves, but that's not necessarily a good thing.

4. It can be tough to change the way our parents did things, but we can make it easier on ourselves by setting clear boundaries in our lives and workplaces. When you become a parent, it's important to remember that your children need a healthy environment of independence. Don't let the shadow of your parents' influence get in the way of that!

Many things have two sides. If family relationships are too close, we feel that we have no sense of boundaries and no independent space of our own. If family relationships are too distant, we feel lonely and unsupported. So look at things objectively, don't be too emotional, think more about the good things, and just smile at the uncomfortable things. This is your lovely generation of parents! It's actually not a big deal, it's quite nice, isn't it?

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

Some parents believe their actions are driven by concern for their children. However, they fail to recognize the distress and resentment their actions cause their children, inadvertently impacting the parent-child relationship.

I want to know the purpose behind the behavior.

The questioner recently got a job, and the company has already given a clear response: they will hire the questioner. The questioner shared this good news with his parents because he knows his parents' personality. He specifically told them not to tell anyone else about this matter. The questioner's parents agreed, but the next day, the questioner learned that basically all his relatives knew that he had found a job.

Parents are happy when their children find jobs. They share this news because they are proud of their children and want to celebrate their achievements.

Another reason is to compare with others. Relatives typically share the current situation and daily lives of their children with each other, but their actions are driven by a desire to show off and compare, to present their idea of happiness and beauty to others.

Expectations lead to trust.

If it were a normal work situation, the questioner would be able to move on after a period of time when they felt unhappy about their parents' behavior. However, after a period of time, the company that interviewed the questioner told them that they were not hiring the questioner. The sudden change made the questioner feel lost, and they didn't know whether to mention it to their parents or not, just because they could imagine what the result would be.

I had to confess to my parents because they rented a house for me to prepare for work, but I was not hired for the job. I made it clear from the start that I was not happy about this, and I made my attitude clear again this time, emphasizing that my parents would not tell anyone else.

In front of the questioner, the questioner's parents promised well, but in the end, reality once again dealt a blow to the questioner. It's absurd to choose to trust your parents, knowing their character and actions, but still having expectations of them.

Parents are troubled by their inability to keep things to themselves.

Some people simply cannot keep secrets and feel better after telling someone. We should not share and talk to such people.

☀️Understand behavior: The question asker made it abundantly clear to their parents that they did not want others to know. However, the parents promised but then failed to deliver. The question asker is understandably upset that their parents did not keep their word and is even more frustrated about the trouble their parents' behavior has caused them.

Different positions lead to different ways of thinking about the same thing. The questioner hates her parents' behavior of telling everyone everything, but she ignores the reasons behind their actions.

The mother of the question asker has informed other relatives about the question asker's employment status. It is evident that the mother's primary focus is on the question asker. It is clear that the topics of her conversations with relatives revolve around the question asker. She cares for the question asker in her own way, but she has also ignored whether the way she cares for people is acceptable to the question asker.

☀️Protect yourself: As an adult, after the questioner has clearly expressed his attitude to his parents many times, his parents have not respected him and still can't help but tell other relatives about what's going on in his family. This kind of behavior is unacceptable.

It is normal for the questioner to feel emotional in the face of their parents' disrespect and lack of boundaries. The questioner can accept their emotions and express them in other ways, such as not telling them in advance until they are sure about something and facing and solving things on their own.

Once the matter is settled, they will be informed and establish boundaries for themselves. They will take their emotions into account, protect themselves, and let their parents know their attitude in the future. They will also make it clear that they will no longer tolerate and remain silent about their behavior.

☀️Keep your distance. The questioner doesn't want their parents to tell everyone everything, even if they specifically tell them not to. It's not that the questioner hasn't communicated with their parents, but in their parents' opinion, there's nothing wrong with their behavior, and it won't make a difference even if they do. But this is their unilateral thinking, and they completely ignore the questioner's feelings.

The questioner's parents are completely unaware of the need for change. No matter what they say or do, it will not have the desired effect. In the absence of other options, the questioner can choose to maintain a certain distance from their parents.

Maintaining a distance and taking courses to strengthen psychological resilience can shift the parents' focus away from the questioner. If parents' behavior changes during the process of maintaining distance, the situation that bothers the questioner will also be alleviated, even if they come into close contact afterwards.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner. Best wishes.

Hello, my dear friends! I'm Coach Yu, and I'd love to chat with you about this topic.

First, let's chat about boundaries. It's so important to know the boundaries of others and to know your own boundaries. After all, the boundaries between people make you who you are!

It's so common for parents to think that their kids are part of their own body, and therefore can be ordered around at their own discretion. But the truth is, children are always independent individuals, not just physically, but mentally as well. So when you feel disrespected or misunderstood, it's only natural for negative emotions to arise. As the questioner describes, if you tell your parents to keep secrets, they often turn around and tell others, which can feel really hurtful.

Sometimes we don't want to damage our parent-child relationship, and sometimes we feel that we are "overthinking" and ignore some signals that our parents have violated our boundaries. We are afraid to establish and maintain our own boundaries and dare not protect ourselves. It's okay to feel this way! We all have to learn to set healthy boundaries with our loved ones.

Let's ask ourselves: what would we think if we were told the next day that our parents had made our job search public after we had received a clear response at the interview? What emotions and feelings would it bring up in us?

I'm sure you'll agree that it's always a bit of a shock when we're not accepted by our parents, especially when they tell our relatives about it in the evening. It's only natural to feel a whole range of emotions and feelings when this happens.

We can also ask ourselves if we've been offended in our relationship with our parents and what we're feeling.

We can also ask ourselves, in response to these actions of our parents, we are angry, sad, and disappointed. What do you think these feelings want?

What does disappointment want from you? If the difficult emotions at the moment could express themselves, what would they say to you?

It's so important to protect yourself from relying on others. We can't control what our parents say or do, and we can't expect them to know how to behave. It's up to us to take the initiative and establish our own boundaries. When we feel uncomfortable, it's good to speak up and let our parents know. If we need to, we can even give them a little warning.

First, we should have a chat with our parents. We need to tell them that we're all grown up now and have our own lives. We have our own friends, our own interests and hobbies, and our own way of doing things. We should be honest with them and tell them that we've been told things by them that we don't want to hear. We're uncomfortable with their words and actions that violate our boundaries. We hope that they can do something about it, and we must also do something about it. At the same time, we can also listen to what they expect of us. Communication can not only release our pent-up emotions, but also deepen our understanding of our parents and promote the development of a good parent-child relationship.

Of course, it's good to be prepared for both eventualities. After all, parents are used to old patterns, such as emotional coercion and moral blackmail. We don't expect them to change overnight, and that's okay! If their attitude softens, then we can proceed gradually. If they insist on their views and don't want to change, we can also accept that and slowly adapt to each other through our own strategies. We believe that our parents' intentions are out of love for us, and we accept their imperfections.

We can also seek help because, if this thing is bothering you, it can be tough to overcome it right away. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor and a support group because it's so important to have an outlet for your emotions.

It's also so important to affirm ourselves, empower ourselves, enrich our knowledge, and enrich our inner being. When we do that, the people around us will naturally feel comfortable with us.

We highly recommend the book "Nonviolent Communication."

Next time, don't tell them. I never told my parents the whole truth. Don't tell them.

They're just acting like that because they're that age. They probably don't understand your work or anything else.

And don't keep it to yourself, baby. I guarantee you that if you listen to what other people say about communication, parents at that level will just think that you are disobedient. They will insist that they are right and it is your fault, and you will only suffer secondary damage.

Let's be real, communicating with parents is a joke.

Frankly, their responses seem to be generated by AI. When I inquired with AI, it also provided a combination of accurate and nonsensical answers.

I believe there are two types. If you are afraid to argue with your parents, you can say a few words about your unhappiness at the dinner table. You can pretend to be aggrieved, but be careful not to sound strange. For example, if someone at work comes to you about something, you know they mean well, but you think about how you didn't make it to work and you feel so sad, you don't want to talk about it much.

And then don't talk to your mother next time.

Another way is to teach your parents a lesson by yelling at home. Let them feel your anger. Then give them a way out. Admit your fault and apologize. Then express your thoughts rationally. Next time, don't talk to them.

This kind of communication is all many parents can perceive.

You need to assess your own communication style.