Test if I am a controlling personality in marriage?

Hello, my name is Fei Yun, and I'm a heart exploration coach.

I totally get where you're coming from. It's so hard when your partner's behavior makes you feel insecure. I've been there, and I know how it looks like this:

1. It seems like he might need some help learning to set healthy boundaries. It's important for a married man to maintain a sense of distance from the opposite sex outside of his wife, and to respect himself, his partner, and third parties.

2. It can be really hard to keep an eye on everything all the time, so it's natural to want to take control of the money and try to influence your partner's behaviour in a way that will benefit the marriage and your relationship.

And there's still room for improvement in how you communicate and interact with each other.

1. In an intimate relationship, each partner has different needs, and that's totally normal!

It's only natural that you want to feel secure, valued, and cared for by your partner, and it's just as important for him to feel the same way. You may be okay with him having normal social interactions, but it can make you feel a bit uneasy when he starts chatting up the opposite sex or gets a bit flirty.

It's so important to feel respected and trusted in a relationship. When this isn't there, it can really affect the unique intimacy of the relationship.

At the same time, they also see the needs of the other person. Men long to receive gratitude, adoration, and appreciation from women. Many people in marriage become the other person's "bad reviewer" over time, full of accusations and criticism, lacking appreciation and affirmation.

Use this as a way to check in with your marriage and see if there's anything you might need to work on. As time goes by, it's normal for the passion in a marriage to fade a little, but it's important to keep the intimacy and commitment strong.

It's so easy for couples to get caught up in work, life, and children that they forget to pay attention to their partner's feelings. This can make it hard for them to feel emotionally fulfilled in their intimate relationship. Sometimes, they might even lose themselves in "searching for excitement."

Think about the three elements of a perfect love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. How can you combine these to make your marriage even better? One way is to "make up for what is lacking." This means doing things together that you both enjoy, like going on outings, cooking together, and having special forms of dating.

2. Communicate with love and kindness.

"Let love flow." When you encounter a problem, "act first with your heart and then with your head." Take a moment to perceive yourself and also feel the other person. Express your views and feelings directly, but also listen to the other person. You have a common goal: to form a family and enter into marriage and hope to be happy and warm.

With sincerity and trust, focus on this common goal, see each other's needs, and at the same time meet each other's needs within their respective abilities, so as to jointly find solutions to problems.

You brought up a great point about control. When we want to "change" someone else, we end up making demands to achieve our own goals. This can feel controlling and limit freedom, especially mentally. It's important to remember that love can't flow when we're stuck in this mindset.

I'd highly recommend reading "Falling in Love with the Double Dance" and "The Five Languages of Love." They're both fantastic books! In family relationships, the intimacy between husband and wife is the most important, and it will affect the parent-child relationship. Use your wise love to invite the other person to solve problems together.

I really hope this helps you, and I just want to say that I love you, the world loves you, and I'm here for you. ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep talking with you one-on-one!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

The questioner discovered that the other person enjoys chatting with the opposite sex. On two occasions, the content of these chats was highly ambiguous. Even when there is a partner, he still engages with other people of the opposite sex. It is evident that the questioner's partner does not maintain a sense of distance and boundaries with other people of the opposite sex. His behavior also makes the questioner feel that he does not receive exclusive attention and does not feel safe in this relationship.

PUA is lurking in the relationship.

It is evident that he was engaging in inappropriate behavior with other individuals of the opposite sex. After the questioner discovered this, his partner refused to allow the questioner to view his phone. While the questioner's partner has the right to control access to his phone, if he maintains distance from other individuals of the opposite sex, he will gain a better understanding of what is and is not acceptable in a relationship.

He can give the questioner trust and a sense of security. The questioner will not act on checking his partner's phone. He will do it again. The questioner has indeed found that his partner has played around with other people of the opposite sex more than once. So how many times has he done it when the questioner hasn't found out?

The questioner's actions suggest that he believes he is in control of the finances. By taking control of the money, he is able to exert power over his partner. It would be interesting to know whether the questioner has a controlling personality. It would also be helpful to understand whether the other person expressed concern after the questioner took control of the money.

If that is the case, the questioner must be careful about whether their partner has Pua'd them. In a situation where they have done something wrong, the questioner demands proof of their partner's loyalty to the relationship. When the partner blames the questioner, it makes the questioner doubt themselves.

Justified hurt

Once people are in love, they forgive their partners for their mistakes because they love them. The questioner knew that the other person's behavior was wrong and was even more harmful to themselves. When they wanted to resolve the matter with him, his attitude was taken for granted. It was clear that he didn't feel that he had done anything wrong. He said that he would just resolve the matter in this way. Once people are in love, they forgive their partners for their mistakes because they love them. The questioner knew that the other person's behavior was wrong and was even more harmful to themselves. When they wanted to resolve the matter with him, his attitude was taken for granted. It was evident that he didn't care.

In a relationship, if you give in once, you will have to do it more often. Don't believe your partner when they say they only love you and that other people are just flirting and playing around. When they play around with other people of the opposite sex, it's either because they know you will never leave, or they don't care if you leave.

You need to communicate and solve this current dilemma.

If you don't let him look at his phone or handle your money, your partner is telling you that even though you are together, you cannot restrict his actions too much. From the short text, it's clear that your partner is not under your control. You feel anxious because you cannot control him.

☀️Understand your partner's thoughts: The questioner must understand what their partner is really thinking. If they are with you, why are they still playing games with other people of the opposite sex? What does it mean to them? If they love you, respect and cherish yourself. If they don't love you, let go sooner rather than later. Don't use any excuses to deceive yourself and keep hoping for the relationship to work out.

☀️Learning together: As we grow up, many factors affect our different worldviews. The other person of the questioner is playing ambiguous with other people of the opposite sex, which is a problem in their views on relationships. The questioner can learn about their partner's upbringing and let their partner learn with them about the management of intimate relationships. The two of them can make progress together slowly, support each other, and grow together. Books such as "Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships" and "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love" are easy to understand and read.

Effective communication is essential for any relationship. It allows us to identify and solve problems early on. To achieve this, we must avoid venting during communication and instead aim to convey our emotions in a way that is acceptable to our partners. One effective method is the "sandwich" technique, where we start with a positive statement, then present our opinion, and finally praise or compliment it. This approach can help partners accept our communication style and understand the problem we're trying to express.

It is essential to nurture relationships with care and commitment from both parties. I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner, and I wish you well.

Greetings.

How might one manage a relationship that is genuinely a win-win situation? A marriage relationship not only provides material benefits but also emotional support, which nourishes each partner, teaches them how to maintain their relationship, take better care of each other's needs, and experience positive emotions.

The other half engages in ambiguous conversations with the opposite sex and is reluctant to allow you to view their phone.

The inherent nature of problems is such that they carry their own solutions. Furthermore, there are more intelligent and flexible solutions to problems in intimate relationships, because what is required is a shift in our attention to the things that really make us feel happy, rather than the virtual "sense of achievement" brought about by hurting each other. Indeed, whenever a relationship enters a win-lose mode, the internal bond of intimacy is usually very unstable and fragile. The taking of the initiative to be responsible and the respecting of the other person's position and choices can win the trust and positive evaluation of the other person.

For example, what is the appropriate distance to maintain when communicating with the opposite sex? The male partner is aware of the situation, yet when obstacles arise, he subconsciously perceives a personal injury, yet disregards the harm his actions have caused his partner. This results in a highly tense situation.

The optimal approach is for each partner to assume responsibility for their own words and actions, to regulate their own emotions, to be honest with each other, and to fulfill their respective role obligations (particularly the husband's emotional fidelity). In such a scenario, the wife would not require intervention, supervision, or accusations against the husband, allowing her to concentrate on the task at hand. Furthermore, the wife would not experience feelings of insecurity or encroach upon the husband's privacy.

The question thus arises as to whether the desire to manage financial resources constitutes a controlling personality trait.

A controlling personality is typically characterized by a strong desire to possess and control things. Individuals with a proclivity for control may manifest in overt or covert ways, but their objective is to exert control over the behavior of others through specific methods to fulfill their own needs.

Similarly, within the context of a marital relationship, there may be instances where one partner may seek to exert control over the other through the utilization of material resources, thereby limiting the scope of the other's activities. However, a typical management and distribution arrangement within a couple and family unit, wherein the wife assumes responsibility for financial management and the husband engages in external labor, is a reasonable and acceptable arrangement. The issue of control is not a primary concern in such a relationship; rather, it is about ensuring a sense of comfort and security within the relationship, which is contingent upon the mutual trust and respect between the two individuals.

Consequently, the presence or absence of a controlling personality is contingent upon the subject's capacity for self-reflection and their ability to make objective assessments of their own behavior.

I would like to extend my best wishes and wishes for success to you.

Hello, questioner! I am Jia Ao, your heart exploration coach. I'm here to help.

I see the problems and confusion you are confiding in the platform. You say that you are currently experiencing problems in your relationship. Your partner used to like chatting with the opposite sex, and then you discovered that they were chatting in a rather ambiguous way. This is a serious issue that requires attention. Then you made the demand that you should be in charge of the family finances. You also check your partner's phone from time to time. You are very confused. You need to take control of the situation. Are you a controlling personality?

If you're more sensitive and suspicious, it's not without reason. You feel unfaithful, so you're insecure. You check your partner's phone and want to control the family money because you can control these things and feel secure. Outside of control, you don't understand much. Is this controlling?

I'm going to help you analyze and sort it out.

I want to know what is meant by a controlling personality.

1. [Definition of related theories]

A controlling personality refers to those people who have a strong desire for control. Their psychology is different from that of ordinary people. They are used to putting their own ideas and concepts above everyone and everything, and want to keep everyone and everything under their control. The desire for control brings with it many psychological problems, such as low self-esteem, depression, suspicion, anxiety, fear, autism, arrogance, etc.

The biggest reason for the controlling personality type is low self-esteem and lack of confidence. They feel unloved and unconcerned inside and have no sense of security. The only way to make themselves feel at ease is to dominate and control. Dominating others is the only weapon that can give the controlling personality a sense of security. It's like grasping sand in your hands: the tighter you hold it, the more you lose.

2. [Calm and rational analysis]

You need to compare your actual situation to the description above. You want to check your partner's phone because you previously felt unfaithfulness in the relationship, and you have started to lose trust in your partner. You can only be assured when you see for yourself. Controlling the family finances also gives you a sense of dominance and control, at least making you feel like you are not left with nothing. Does this situation exist?

You must analyze these problems rationally.

3. [Establish effective communication]

It's clear that your relationship has some issues. You're together now, but you're chatting with other people of the opposite sex in an ambiguous way. How could you not mind? And how could you not try to find out how to check the phone and not worry about the money at home?

Sit down and talk. Tell each other everything. Let the other person know your true feelings. Have you been chatting with other members of the opposite sex more frequently than usual? A good chat and heart-to-heart talk will help you feel better than the wild goose chases you're having now. You still live together and are the closest people to each other.

4. [Mutual understanding and tolerance]

?Your relationships can be simple or complicated. But don't control your partner in a high-handed manner. Love is always love. What you give is love and care. Mutual understanding, mutual care and concern. The more you don't care about you, the more likely you are to feel happy. Blindly demanding and controlling can only push people further and further away. The tighter you hold it, the more you will lose. Spread it out and it's like you have the whole world.

Talk more, communicate more, and treat each other sincerely. You will become happier. Don't worry too much. I wish you all the best.

I am confident that my answer will help you. If you want to continue the exchange, click "Find a coach" in the lower right corner. I will communicate and discuss with you one-on-one. Best wishes!

Hi, I'm LiY Li.

A controlling person tries to hide their intentions but uses subtle ways to take advantage of others to get what they want. They put their own thoughts and opinions above others and make others do what they want.

From the questioner's description, it's unclear. My partner used to chat with the opposite sex, and I found out he'd done so twice.

This sentence shows the questioner's disappointment, sadness, unease, and hurt.

Your partner was irresponsible. How did you resolve communication after discovering an affair?

You have a relationship problem because you're afraid of losing your partner. When you find out that your partner is still flirting with someone else, you become anxious.

Maybe you talked to the other person, but they didn't care. You were sad because your partner didn't love you back.

Why did this happen?

What was your attitude when you first noticed it?

You had little impact on the other person, who probably felt nothing and easily forgave you. As the saying goes, "a dog can't stop eating shit." Once the other person got a taste of it,

You may still have a moral conscience, but your attitude is wrong. Your partner knows you will forgive him, so he doesn't care about your feelings. He may even accuse you of looking at his phone. Did you feel guilty?

Wake up.

2. Did you feel secure before this?

The other person controls your sense of security. If they give it to you, you'll feel secure. If they don't, you'll be crazy and lost.

Security is something you give yourself.

What should I do?

First, find your sense of security. Lack of confidence makes you feel insecure. Be confident.

The other person does this because you make them feel superior and worthless. They think you need them.

Live your life. Change your appearance.

Try different styles to improve your taste.

2. Build up your courage. This shows the questioner has a weak personality. It's obvious the other person is at fault, but he's looking for reasons in himself, feeling he's controlling the other person.

Think about your future now that you know how you usually get along.

The other person is continuing because the questioner is weak and submissive. You need to learn to say no, express your dissatisfaction, and not suppress your emotions.

Don't label yourself. Labels can put pressure on people.

Do you have a controlling personality?

Think about who makes decisions in your relationship. Do you always have the final say? Do you always try to control everything, and does your partner never get a say?

If this is the case, the other person is flirting online because communication is poor. You need to be more understanding. If you don't have the chance to express yourself, the other person will look elsewhere.

Did you feel in control before you met this person, or did it start after you got together?

There's always a reason for things to happen. The other person's flirting with the opposite sex shows there's a problem with communication.

Talk about this. Otherwise it will get worse.

I hope my answer helps. I am LiY Li, and I love you!