The elderly person seems to have dementia and cries a lot. Should I resign to stay with her?

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am contacting you today to inquire about your current situation. I understand that you are a host and that you are facing a challenging decision. I am

Given your own pregnancy and the need for care, it is challenging for you to balance work and the elderly's needs. Your dedication to both is admirable, particularly in light of your consideration to leave your satisfactory position to care for the elderly.

It may be that further consideration is required to determine whether leaving your current position is the optimal decision. Let's examine this together.

It would be beneficial to identify the root cause of the problem in order to implement an effective solution.

The elderly person appears to be unable to control their emotions due to brain atrophy, exhibiting a strong separation anxiety. They display distressing and helpless behavior, seeking you and your husband with the emotional intensity of a child. During pregnancy, you should have also paid attention to rest, but as a result, the elderly person's crying affects your sleep. When you go to work, they do not want you to leave, and you experience distress wondering how long they will cry.

All you see serves to reinforce your sense of identity. The elderly person is your only relative who raised you, and you feel a moral obligation to accompany him in order to repay the kindness of raising you. I understand your intentions and can also appreciate the dilemma you face. After all, the price of quitting your job will be quite high. So let's think about this:

Is it possible that your resignation and remaining at home could resolve the issues faced by the elderly person, depending on their physical condition?

It would be beneficial to ascertain from the doctor whether the anxiety displayed by the elderly is attributable to changes in their physical health or whether it is related to your and your husband's presence.

Please describe the potential financial impact of your resignation on your personal circumstances.

You describe your current position as favorable, with excellent benefits. Your husband selected a role that is less advantageous in order to provide care for you. Consequently, will your resignation affect the family's income? In the future, numerous challenges will emerge due to the addition of a new family member. Will these issues overwhelm your ability to care for the elderly?

Please clarify whether the imminent birth is a factor in your decision to resign from your position.

In the event of a forthcoming birth, would it be possible to take maternity leave? Alternatively, would resignation and a change of employment be required?

This may assist in determining the motivation to resign.

Furthermore, it is important to identify and utilise the resources available in the surrounding environment, without having to face challenges in isolation.

From your description, it is evident that your husband provides you with adequate care, and your in-laws are also assisting you. Could you kindly express your distress and confusion sincerely to obtain further emotional or practical support?

As an example, the entire family can collaborate to establish a secure "environment field."

If you are the sole caregiver for the elderly, you can discuss this at a family meeting when all family members are present. This will help to create a more harmonious and secure atmosphere. You can also consciously "cultivate" the elderly's sense of a trusting environment, which will help them to gradually feel less at home in the world and have a sense of reliance.

Similarly, a newborn may cry initially when meeting their mother, but will soon feel secure in her presence if there are other people around to provide reassurance. This is comparable to the situation of an elderly person who may become distressed when faced with a challenging situation, but will feel reassured if there is a supportive network in place.

For example, if the entire family unit considers the situation together and requests assistance from a professional caregiver.

If the family is very supportive and caring, you can express your sincere feelings, and a decision can be made as to whether to hire professional caregivers to help take care of the elderly together, based on the reality of the difficulties. On the one hand, the status quo can be maintained as much as possible, and on the other hand, professional caregivers may be helpful for the physical and mental health of the patient.

It is important to recognize that you are not alone in facing challenging circumstances, regardless of the situation.

To actively care for yourself, it is essential to prioritize your emotional needs.

It is not uncommon for women to experience depressive and anxious moods during pregnancy and childbirth. Family and work matters may also affect your mood. I encourage you to be aware of your emotions, share your true feelings, and seek emotional support from friends and family. Avoid suppressing your emotions and attempting to shoulder all problems alone.

As an example, you may wish to consider seeking assistance on the platform with regard to issues such as caring for the elderly, the decision to leave your job, or childcare concerns that are causing you some concern. You may also wish to discuss these matters with your family. It is possible that, if you discuss them together, the problems that originally troubled you will no longer be as difficult.

The most important aspect of active self-care is the importance of expressing emotions. I hope you take good care of yourself.

Treat yourself with care and respect, and you will be better equipped to care for others.

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From what you have shared about the situation, it seems that the questioner is still very respected in her in-laws' family. It is also apparent that her husband is very accommodating, picking you up and dropping you off at work, and not placing any significant demands on his own job. As long as he can work somewhere near where the questioner works and meet her commuting schedule, this is a wonderful way for the questioner's husband to show his love and support for her.

The questioner is currently seven months pregnant, has good work benefits, relatively short working hours, and weekends off. It is still relatively difficult to find a job that suits you nowadays. The questioner is relatively satisfied with this job. In about two more months, the questioner should also go on maternity leave. The company has relatively good benefits, and there is normally a relatively long maternity leave, so the questioner should not worry about having to work immediately after giving birth.

The elderly person who raised her and her husband lives together. Despite the challenges she faced in her childhood, she remains a significant figure in the life of the questioner. With the onset of Alzheimer's, she has limited recollection of her past, and her current reality is shaped by the presence of her spouse and the questioner. This has led the questioner to contemplate the possibility of transitioning from her professional role to a more dedicated caregiving position, with the aim of providing comprehensive support to her loved one.

It would be beneficial to consider whether a single pace of life is truly suitable.

The questioner still goes to work at the moment, and the place of activity is not just at home. Pregnant women are more or less likely to experience mood swings due to various physical discomforts. In particular, the questioner is approaching the third trimester, going to the bathroom frequently, and the growing belly is making it harder for her to sleep. At this time, the questioner also needs someone to take care of her, so if you quit your job and stay at home, you may find it challenging to manage your emotions, which could affect your mood.

Alzheimer's disease, also known as dementia, is the most common disease among senile dementia. It is a neurodegenerative disease and a chronic disease process. Therefore, when spending time with a patient, it would be beneficial to understand the symptoms that occur, including changes in personality and temper, and provide guidance. (This explanation is from Baidu search)

Due to the condition of dementia, many things may be forgotten, but the elderly may still remember the questioner and the questioner's husband. A relative's grandmother next to me has dementia. She may not remember many people, but she may still remember her spouse. So she may often just want to be by her spouse's side. Even if an aunt is hired to take care of her, as long as she doesn't see her spouse, she may become distressed. It is said that elderly people with dementia may become like children, and they may cause all kinds of trouble once they are not satisfied. Perhaps it is the sense of familiarity that makes them feel secure!

It might be helpful to consider things from a realistic perspective.

The elderly nowadays are just like children who are unable to get what they want. They want to satisfy their hearts' desires through some means. She only remembers the question asker and her husband, because she raised her since she was a child, so the question asker is also grateful to her and can't bear to ignore her. Seeing her suffering makes her feel bad, so she wants to give up work to take care of her.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems that the elderly person remembers her and her husband, and that the questioner is doing well at work. Perhaps it would be helpful to communicate with her husband to see what his thoughts and plans are? The elderly person was raised by the questioner, so it seems only right that the questioner should raise her. The questioner's husband chose her, so it seems only fair that he should help to care for someone who is important to her.

In terms of time, it might be helpful to consider ways of working together through a division of labor. This could potentially reduce the burden on the questioner and her in-laws. The fact that the questioner's mother-in-law and father-in-law are willing to help care for the elderly person who raised you shows that they love the family. However, they are only supplementary. It is up to the questioner and her husband to decide who should take on more of the burden. It might be helpful to think more about whether you have the ability to take on this responsibility. If you feel you can't, it might be a good idea to ask your husband to help out. This could be a way to share the burden, and it might also allow you to take care of yourself first and then spare some energy to take care of the elderly.

It would be beneficial to take care of your emotions.

The questioner is pregnant herself. While it is admirable to want to care for others, it is important to recognize that pregnant women often have limited energy at this stage of the month. Despite this, the questioner's emotions are likely affected by this responsibility, and it is beneficial to find ways to release those emotions.

1. Be more tolerant and understanding: It is important to remember that the elderly may not remember things as well as they used to, and that the effects of the disease can cause their behaviors to regress. Many of their actions may seem similar to those of children, and they may need to see familiar people to feel safe. Even though they may understand that their actions and thoughts cannot be persuaded by reason, they may still feel annoyed by certain behaviors. In these moments, it is helpful to remain calm and tolerant, accepting their behavior as a normal part of the disease.

2. Learning: Although dementia is very common, we still have much to learn when dealing with this group of people. This is also where our anxiety lies, because we don't know what they are thinking at any time. The questioner and her in-laws may benefit from consulting doctors on how they can better take care of the elderly, to better understand what the elderly are trying to express with such behavior, and what methods can be used to deal with it. When things are kept as much as possible within their own control, it is not easy to affect themselves.

3. Consider spending time with her in a different way: It seems that the elderly person has dementia, but it is not clear whether she is unable to take care of herself. It might be helpful to pay more attention to her emotional needs. The elderly person and the questioner have a deep relationship, so she depends on the questioner. It is not necessary for the questioner to always be by her side to be considered a companion. Sometimes people just want to know that they are needed. It might be beneficial for the questioner to find something to do with the elderly person to make her feel needed, so that she can divert her attention. For example, perhaps she could sew some children's clothes or do some other small handicrafts.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes,

Good day, question asker! I am truly honored to be able to respond to your question.

First of all, it would be beneficial to offer the questioner a gesture of appreciation, such as a hug. The questioner is a kind individual who is grateful for the opportunity to support their elderly family member. When faced with the aging of a loved one, it is natural to feel concern for those closest to us.

However, at this time, she is pregnant and her emotions are in a period of anxiety. It is understandable that faced with the situation of the elderly, she may really not know what to do. But it is important to remember that birth, aging, sickness, and death are the course of a person's life, a stage that everyone must go through.

It can also be challenging for us to assist the questioner in making a decision on the platform. Whether or not to give up work to provide companionship for their elderly family members is a decision that the questioner will need to consider carefully.

It is worth noting that among the elderly, those between the ages of 70 and 100 are considered to be at a higher risk. Many of them suffer from a range of conditions, including memory loss, brain atrophy, Alzheimer's disease, and other serious illnesses. This naturally makes caring for them a more challenging task. In light of this, I would like to suggest a book that I believe could be a valuable resource for the questioner. CCTV has evaluated this book as a "family textbook-like care treasure." It is called "They Know I Was Here - China's First In-Depth Care Notes for High-Risk Elderly," and it was written by Zhang Danuo.

When faced with an elderly family member, it can be challenging for children to know how to handle their emotions, aside from providing them with care and support. I hope that by sharing some simple strategies, I can offer guidance that will be helpful to the questioner.

It may be helpful to accept the current situation of the elderly.

It would be beneficial to consider what the elderly person may require in their current situation. Do they require companionship or a sense of security, or are they experiencing any fears? It is likely that the majority of elderly people would appreciate the care and support of a questioner.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to gain a clear understanding of these aspects, particularly after having gained a deeper insight into them through the "Notes on In-Depth Care" and having come to terms with the situation. It is important to recognise that the process of human life is inextricably linked to the reality of growing old. The questioner may benefit from understanding that this situation is not unusual for their loved one and that it is not constructive to blame them excessively. It may be helpful for the questioner to accept that this is simply the natural course of life.

Once the questioner has come to terms with the reality that the current situation of the elderly is a normal phenomenon, it may also be helpful to consider that the questioner's current situation is also inevitable. This could lead to a greater sense of tolerance and acceptance of the current situation of the elderly.

It might be helpful to accept your current situation.

The situation the questioner is in is that of pregnancy, soon to be reaching the age of 30, with old parents, young children, and having to juggle her own work. These are all things the questioner values very much. It would be helpful to consider which of these things is the most important to her at this time.

It would be helpful to consider which of these you value more.

During pregnancy, the questioner's emotions are prone to anxiety, and coupled with the fact that the elderly often need the questioner's constant attention, it is easy to cause the questioner trouble at work. It may be helpful for the questioner to accept these circumstances internally. Then the questioner can also reflect these circumstances to the leaders at work and see if the company can accept their situation and transfer them to a job with more flexible hours.

It might be helpful to focus on the problem you want to solve the most at the moment.

Dementia, pregnancy, work, and other things have left the question asker feeling somewhat overwhelmed. It might be helpful for the question asker to try writing down all the things on a piece of paper to see what problems they need to solve.

Then, if you feel so inclined, you might consider ranking the importance of things according to how you feel in your heart, and identifying the problem you would most like to solve at this moment.

Once the problem has been identified, it may be helpful to consider whether it can be solved by the questioner themselves. If this is not possible, it might be worth exploring whether there are other individuals or resources that could assist in finding a solution.

You might consider discussing the matter with your in-laws to see if there is any way they can help the questioner solve this problem. When facing anxiety, it may be helpful to try not to dwell on it and to focus on the positive. With time, this approach can help shift your mindset.

It might be helpful to remember that there are often more solutions than problems.

It may be helpful to consider resources in your surroundings that could assist you.

It would be helpful for the questioner to be clear about what the problem is and what the solution could be. It might also be beneficial for the questioner to consider the resources that could be helpful in solving the problem.

Perhaps you could consider asking your in-laws to take care of the elderly for you in return for a little extra money? Or maybe you could hire a babysitter to help you take care of the elderly, so that you can feel more relaxed?

Perhaps the questioner could consider negotiating with the company's leaders to explore the possibility of working from home, which might allow them to have more free time. It is ultimately up to the questioner to identify the resources and solutions that are best for them.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner.

Dear questioner,

Your question is difficult.

I can help you figure things out.

Listen to yourself.

Listen to your inner voice.

You can't ignore the elderly.

It's about how to manage it.

If you stop caring for her, will she still want you by her side?

Ideas in our minds can be idealistic.

If we aren't worried about money, we can quit our jobs and take care of the elderly.

But this is often not the case.

If we don't take care of ourselves, we're not in a good mood, which isn't good for the elderly.

I think we should listen to our hearts.

As you have considered, you also have a temper and patience, and you are pregnant. You still have children to take care of in the future.

This is not callousness. It's a practical way to care for the elderly.

2. Find more resources.

Sometimes we think the best way to take care of the elderly is to quit our jobs. But that's not true.

If she raised you, wouldn't she want you to be happy?

Can you spend more time with her after work?

Tell her you have to go to work, like you would a child.

Children don't want their parents to work, but they want them to stay. Parents say they work for their kids' benefit.

I wonder if anyone can help take care of her.

For example, someone can keep her company after you go to work.

3. Take care of the elderly while living your own life.

Caring for the elderly is hard.

You must take care of yourself first.

Why?

Many children quit their jobs to take care of the elderly, but it can cause problems. Over time, it is easy to become unbalanced and suppress your emotions, which is bad for taking care of the elderly.

We must take care of ourselves as much as possible.

If we take care of ourselves, we'll have more energy to take care of the elderly.

We didn't complain, but we were happy.

You can also talk to your husband and in-laws to see if they have ideas.

When problems come up, the family should work together to find solutions.

Think of several options.

How do you arrange things after you have a child?

If your mother-in-law can't take care of the child, how will you take care of it?

You can prepare for this.

Think of several solutions.

Have at least three options.

Then find a better method.

If you think there's only one solution, you might be limiting yourself.

Just share.

Best wishes!