The husband does not love his wife, and the wife argues about it. Should they get a divorce?

The wife in question appears to be experiencing a significant degree of isolation and helplessness within the context of her in-laws' home. Her husband seems to lack an adequate understanding of her needs and did not provide her with the support she required during a period of personal difficulty. Additionally, her in-laws have expressed discontent with her performance. The wife has endured repeated instances of hurt and mistreatment within her marriage, resulting in a profound sense of grievance and anger. She also appears to feel a profound sense of helplessness in the face of these challenges.

Many individuals spend their entire lives believing that they are not afflicted by any issues, that the problems they perceive are exclusively those of others, and that the resolution of their marital discord hinges on the transformation of their partners.

A review of the evidence suggests that individuals who adopt this perspective are likely to experience disappointment as a result.

When one party perceives the other to have a problem, the other party is likely to perceive the first party to have a problem as well. This creates a cycle of mutual expectations for change, which can lead to a stalemate in the relationship.

If one is unable to take the initiative to change, it is similarly unlikely that others will do so. Given that everyone's values and outlook on life are formed by their life experiences, it is similarly unlikely that one can modify a person's upbringing.

The answer is in the negative.

Therefore, it is not possible to change another person. If the objective is to alter the situation, it is an exercise in futility to rely on the changes of others.

The only viable method for self-change is to undergo a genuine transformation of the self. This process does not entail a simple admission of fault; rather, it necessitates a comprehensive shift in one's internal perspective and a deep introspective journey. It is about fostering a capacity for self-love, which enables one to maintain a sense of personal fulfillment regardless of external circumstances.

While marriage is, at its core, a partnership between two individuals, it is, in essence, a journey undertaken by one person.

A wife may choose to seek emotional support from a professional listener or counselor, or she may opt to engage in creative visualization techniques such as painting a mandala, which can facilitate emotional healing, the release of pent-up emotions, and the exploration of one's inner self.

In the absence of emotional regulation, communication becomes emotionally charged and ineffective.

The external reflects the internal. When the individual undergoes a change, the external environment also undergoes a corresponding change.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello! I can totally feel the wife's frustration and sense of powerlessness from the question.

The wife feels no love or support from her partner in their intimate relationship. The small family is entangled with her husband's original family, and it seems that he still considers himself part of that family, while feeling alienated from his own nuclear family (nuclear family refers to the family based on marriage). The wife tries to communicate in the hope that her husband will see how she feels and face and solve the problems in their relationship together, but his resistance and alienation further highlight the exciting opportunity for growth and change!

There are so many exciting aspects for a wife to consider when deciding whether or not to divorce!

First, let's identify your core needs in the relationship! Write down your needs in a concrete way and prioritize them to see what's most important to you. For example, is it emotional and attachment fulfillment?

Or maybe it's material and financial support? Or companionship in everyday life?

Spiritual resonance? Promotion of mutual growth?

Or is there something else?

Second, think about your own bottom line, that is, what you are unwilling to compromise or concede. Look at the current relationship. Has your husband stepped on your bottom line, and does he know it?

Now, think again about what you want to achieve by getting a divorce and what you can gain from it. Can these goals only be achieved through divorce?

Next, ask yourself what your concerns about divorce are. If you do decide to divorce, think about all the amazing resources that are available to help you get through the difficult times!

Once you've got everything sorted, you can arrange to have another chat with your husband. This time, you can focus on the future and ask him how he wants the marriage to develop and what kind of family life he wants.

And don't be shy about sharing your true feelings!

Any relationship is an amazing opportunity for growth and understanding! The wife and husband have the chance to reach an understanding of the marital relationship and discuss how to build it together. If they need a little extra help, professional help from a couples counselor is always available!

Once you've taken the time to understand your own needs, set your bottom line, communicate openly, and plan for the future, you'll be ready to make the exciting choice to get married!

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxifeng, a heart exploration coach.

Having a motherly husband is hard. Please let me give the questioner a hug.

The husband puts a lot of importance on his family. We can't focus on one thing all the time. It's normal for the wife to feel upset.

I wonder if the wife is still attracted to her husband for the same reasons as when they first got together. Spending so much time together can damage one's sense of boundaries. What made them attractive in the first place can drive them apart. Going over old grievances hurts a relationship.

What kind of communication did the wife and husband try? Was it accusatory?

Is it complaining? Or is it expressing feelings?

Everyone has their own way of communicating. Using your own way may drive a relationship apart.

Are the conflicts between the wife and her in-laws because of the in-laws themselves or because the in-laws take sides when they quarrel with her husband? These are two different things. If it is with the in-laws, perhaps moving out is the solution. If it is because of quarrels with her husband that the in-laws take sides, moving out may not be the solution. The fundamental problem may lie in communication.

Did the wife think her husband didn't love her because of how he acted in an argument? When we label each other, we tend to stick to those labels, even when the other person acts differently.

Marriage is between two people. When we judge each other, we may set our expectations too high. If the other person doesn't perform as expected, we may feel they are not trustworthy. Try lowering your expectations.

Avoiding problems may solve them in the moment, but it won't help in the future. The wife should try to understand her husband's thoughts. People who are sentimental won't do anything extreme. They can communicate in a way that shows weakness appropriately.

Try to re-establish each other's boundaries. His parents raised him, so it's normal for him to take responsibility as a son. You may not need to intervene. Try to improve the way you communicate. "Nonviolent Communication" and "How to Argue Properly" may help you adjust your communication style.

Don't get personal. When we do, we get emotional, which makes communication hard. Talking about the matter itself might help the wife find a way to communicate that is suitable for both parties.

Know your boundaries and stick to them. It may be hard at first, but it will help the relationship. When I got married, our family was also very respectful of our mother. We also had a long period of conflict. However, after setting clear boundaries, the relationship improved.

Cultivate yourself internally. When you can support yourself, you'll have more influence in the relationship. For example, improve your financial strength so you can retreat and defend yourself. Plan a way out of divorce to avoid acting on impulse.

Try to find a third way to solve problems that is not either/or. Sometimes, if the other person can empathize, it may be possible to find a common solution.

Read The Third Alternative.

Best wishes!

Hello! I'm so happy you reached out for help. I'm here for you and I hope that sharing my experience can support and help you too.

From what you've told me, it seems like the husband in this marriage is a bit confused about his boundaries with his family. It's understandable that this can lead to some challenges in the marriage. It's also clear that the wife feels neglected, ignored, and unloved in front of her husband's family. It's natural to feel aggrieved and angry in these situations.

It can be really tough when your husband's behaviour makes you feel disrespected, misunderstood or neglected. It's so important to try to bravely and sincerely express your true inner feelings and needs. This way, you can make your husband clearly realise that his excessive entanglement with his family has deeply hurt you and destroyed your marriage.

It's totally understandable that when a wife is faced with her husband's words and actions that make her feel uncomfortable and hurt, she tends to solve and deal with them in an emotional way. That is, she fights with her husband, creating conflicts to gain his attention, care, understanding, and appreciation. It's so sad when this doesn't get the response she was hoping for, and instead causes her husband and family to become more distant and resentful towards her.

She also feels frustrated, hurt, and angry.

For the wife, choosing to divorce will indeed make it so that she will no longer be hurt to a large extent. But it's more of a way for her to avoid the conflicts in their marriage. The reason why she did not decisively choose to divorce in the face of being hurt shows that she still has expectations for her husband and this marriage. She wants to manage and maintain this marriage well, and that's okay!

Then, it's time for the wife to have a heart-to-heart with her husband. She needs to tell him her boundaries and principles in this marriage. And she needs to focus more of her attention and energy on herself. Just because her husband is entangled with her own family does not mean that she has to be the same.

It's great if the wife can find a job of her own to distance herself from her husband's original family. This period of time without entanglement with her husband's family can really help him reflect better and grow himself. When he can become aware of this period of self-growth and realize his expectations for marriage and what kind of married life he wants, whether he feels loved in his marriage, and whether he can better change his marriage through his own learning and growth, when she becomes clearer inside, the choice she makes is fine for her, because she can take responsibility for her own choices.

Hi, I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. I just wanted to say that I love you all!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

If the young couple wants to have a happy and harmonious life, their parents should step back and let them figure things out on their own. They shouldn't interfere in their affairs or try to influence them with their experiences and opinions. There's no room for a "third party" in a couple's relationship.

The root of the problem is more about how the partner acts.

The author says the man never loved his wife. He would tell his mother everything that happened with his wife. The man's parents would even help him when the young couple had a fight.

It's easy to see how tough it must be for this wife, who's up against a husband who's like a mama's boy and in-laws who have no sense of boundaries. But even the toughest situations can be worked through if you can communicate effectively. As long as both parties can deal with problems in a timely and positive manner, arguments won't necessarily affect their relationship.

The in-laws are so involved because of the husband's attitude and behavior. The husband is supposed to be the wife's support, to support each other, to work towards a common goal and grow together, but instead, the husband has put his wife in an isolated and helpless situation.

Avoiding the issue won't help.

Facing such an in-law family with no sense of boundaries, the wife suggested that the young couple move out on their own, even if it meant renting a house. She was willing to face the difficulties together with her husband, and living apart would at least reduce the excessive interference of her in-laws and the generation of conflicts.

When his wife suggested moving out, he shot it down. When he found out that his wife was having issues with his family, he never really understood how tough it was for her. His attitude was pretty clear: he wanted his wife to face his family on her own and figure out how to get along with them. If she couldn't do it, it'd be on her.

The wife tried to change the situation, but it was tough for her to do it on her own. The husband always refused to face everything head-on. The wife tried to communicate with her husband to solve the problem first. In the face of her communication, the husband was not even aware of the need for change.

Just thinking about her husband makes her want to get a divorce.

It's often said that marriage is encouraged over divorce, but when one person is making all the effort in a marriage and they're still forced to stay together, it's really unfair and tiring for that person.

☀️Seek help: The wife isn't incapable of solving the existing problems. It's just that her husband doesn't give her a chance to work through the conflicts between them and improve their relationship. Her husband has always avoided the issue, and one-sided changes don't work.

The wife should find a good time to tell her husband, in a calm way, that she still loves this marriage and wants to work on her marriage. If he wants to keep this marriage, he should get help too.

It'll take some time to change, but it'll happen. As long as the husband is willing to accept professional help and work with a professional to identify and resolve the issues between him and his wife, he'll eventually see that his behavior is inappropriate, that the lack of boundaries in the family is affecting their relationship, and that his actions are harming his wife. This will help him decide to change himself and improve the relationship.

☀️ Solve problems correctly: When conflicts arise, if they aren't dealt with promptly and positively, and if for various reasons at the time one hides one's true emotions, this doesn't really solve the problem. Accumulated problems will from time to time overwhelm the emotions of both husband and wife.

If there's no real solution to the problem, reopening old wounds is a big problem for many couples. When trying to improve marital problems, the wife doesn't need to rush to make her husband see her previous grievances. Just reopening old wounds will make her husband want to back down. If he's used to avoiding things, how will he take the initiative to face the conflicts that he once avoided?

When you're trying to solve a problem, it's best to focus on the issue at hand. If you bring in other, previously unsolved conflicts, it can make the problem more complicated and even lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

☀️Strengthen yourself: the stronger a person's abilities, the more affirmation and recognition they will receive. Faced with all kinds of bullying and harm from her husband and his family, the questioner is both sad and helpless. She cannot change them in a short period of time, and there's no need to try to change her in-laws' minds.

If you can't change others, change what you can and make yourself stronger. The wife now needs to rely on her own strength to slowly become stronger and gain the courage to face everything.

By using the right methods to help yourself grow, you can gain strength in areas like your economy, ability, and psychological endurance. When a wife can give herself confidence and be confident in herself, she'll be less influenced by her in-laws' emotions and decisions. She'll also be better able to follow her heart and make decisions that are right for her.

I hope this helps answer the question. Best regards.

The wife is facing a series of complex and difficult issues, including communication difficulties with her husband, family conflicts, and doubts and dissatisfaction with the marriage. The marriage relationship has been seriously challenged and requires careful consideration and resolution.

First and foremost, a marriage is based on mutual respect, trust, and support. If a husband does not treat his wife sincerely and chooses to rely on his parents when conflicts arise between the couple, this may lead to a lack of trust and communication problems between the couple.

It is essential that both partners in a marriage are equal and respectful, and that they support each other in addressing challenges together, rather than transferring conflicts to others.

Furthermore, the housing issue is indicative of the discrepancies in financial and responsibility sharing within the marriage. If the husband is unable to provide a stable living environment for the family and is uncooperative in resolving family conflicts, it can cause significant distress and anxiety for the wife.

The wife is seeking a move out by her husband, which may be a way for her to seek independence and security. In this case, the couple needs to communicate and negotiate in good faith to find a solution to the problem, rather than resolving conflicts through arguing and other forms of aggressive behavior.

Furthermore, the wife tends to dwell on past hurts and grievances, while the husband often avoids or responds negatively to these issues, which may intensify the conflicts and differences between the couple. Effective communication and mutual understanding are essential in a marriage. Both parties must consider whether to pursue divorce. Deciding whether to continue the marriage or end it is a significant decision that can have long-term implications.

It is essential to conduct a thorough analysis and weigh the pros and cons before making a decision to ensure that it aligns with one's personal life plan. The following is a comprehensive analysis of the potential issues that may arise if one does not divorce and after divorce.

Firstly, not pursuing a divorce may require tolerating ongoing conflicts and negative situations in order to maintain the integrity and stability of the family unit. This may result in psychological pressure and emotional distress, which could negatively impact an individual's sense of well-being and overall quality of life.

Furthermore, divorce entails the prospect of single life, financial independence, and potential social pressure and loneliness.

When evaluating the potential benefits and drawbacks of remaining in a marriage, it is essential to consider the challenges that may arise in the event of a divorce. Following a divorce, individuals may encounter issues such as the division of property, child custody arrangements, financial obligations, and social acceptance. Additionally, there are the personal challenges of readjusting to a single life and navigating the process of finding a new life partner.

If you do not pursue a divorce, you may have to endure family conflicts, psychological distress, and limited personal growth. In the process, you should also consider your own psychological tolerance and future development plans.

In addition to personal factors, the influence of family and society should also be considered. Divorce may have an adverse effect on children, potentially causing emotional harm and affecting their growth and development. Furthermore, children may face pressure and negative comments from public opinion.

Failure to divorce may result in further deterioration of the marital relationship, which could negatively impact the stability and happiness of the entire family.

It is advisable to seek professional psychological or marriage counseling before making a decision. This will help you gain a clearer understanding of your needs and feelings. You may also wish to communicate openly and honestly with your partner to see if there is still a possibility of reconciliation. Regardless of whether you choose to divorce or not, it is important to treat the matter with reason and respect. This is for the benefit of you and your future family.

Ultimately, when faced with such a significant life decision, it is essential to think carefully, consider all aspects, and ultimately make a decision that aligns with your life plan. I hope you can find a path that suits you and achieve personal happiness and peace.

It is essential to listen to each other's needs and feelings, respect each other's positions, and work together to solve problems.

In short, marriage is a complex and profound relationship that requires the joint efforts of both parties to maintain and manage. If a marriage is beyond repair and has caused great pain and confusion for both parties, divorce may be a viable solution, but it may not have a positive impact on future life plans.

It is crucial to make decisions based on reason and respect, for the benefit of both yourself and your partner. I hope you can find a solution that aligns with your needs and achieve personal happiness and peace.