The marriage has gone astray, but the couple really love each other and want to elope. What should they do?

Kiss! I saw your confession and I felt your suffering. You have been facing the choice of cheating on your spouse and family for two years, and you feel that the two months of deep affection you have together are very happy, surpassing the past with your spouse. Now you really want to elope, but you can't. You must be incredibly proud and a little bit painful inside. Let me give you a big, big hug! Then let's discuss how to deal with it together.

1. Do you really love each other deeply and unconditionally, or is it just a way to spice up your boring married life? If you do get together, can you promise that it won't turn out like your current marriage, with all the problems and frustrations after years of living together?

Sometimes love is about giving and letting go. I highly recommend you watch the Korean movie "A Man and a Woman" and think about your relationship. It's a great movie!

2. And now for the big question: how do you consider the children of both parties?

If you do get caught and continue, or elope, how will you face each other's children?

Oh my goodness, did you tell them that this person is your father/mother's best friend of the opposite sex? Or what?

Elope with the kids? It'll be an adventure! But if you don't bring the kids, what if you miss them?

Marriage is so much more than love! It's about responsibilities, too, and the parents of both sides. Have you thought about that?

3. If you don't get caught, do you plan to continue forever? Do you feel that thrilling excitement and quiet tenderness?

Now, looking back at your respective marriages, is your other half really that hopeless? Absolutely not! Have you tried some small ways to improve things?

Marriage is a wonderful, exclusive bond that offers both men and women a sense of security. While you can't be together and she can't leave her family, you can still be realistic and return to yours. This will help you avoid any future hurt and keep your relationship strong!

Of course, if you want a divorce, it's a different story. Think about it carefully! It's an exciting decision, so make sure you do your research and think it through.

I'm so glad you found this helpful! Thanks for reading.

Pain is pain, and the process of sorting things out may lead to new discoveries—it's a chance to grow and learn!

Everyone is a beacon of light! Whether you ask a question or answer one, your words can illuminate the hearts of many people. This is our shared energy!

Hello, I am Xin Tan, and I'm thrilled to be your coach, Fei Yun! I totally get how you feel. You met two people whose needs weren't being met in their marriage, and in just two months, you fell in love and became inseparable! You gained the warmth and care that your partner couldn't give from each other.

In Sense and Sensibility, people not only have emotional needs, but also need to use their reason to face and deal with what may happen next. Let's dive in and take a look!

There's a right way and a wrong way to do things, but the reasons behind our actions are always good!

"Infidelity in marriage" is often unacceptable and not permitted by moral standards, but it happened anyway. From your words, the reasons behind the infidelity have also been made clear. These reasons or excuses for your infidelity may not be sufficient, but they at least provide a glimpse into the problems in your respective marriages.

In a marriage, a woman longs to feel secure, valued, and cared for by her man. When her husband ignores her and doesn't care about her, it's only natural that she'll feel aggrieved, complain, feel dissatisfied, angry, resentful, and so on. But there's no reason why she can't turn this around!

When emotions are not properly vented, something amazing can happen: aggression can arise, and it can be directed against oneself or against others. And in a sense, cheating is an act of emotional aggression with a "revenge" motive.

Let's look at your marriage again. Your partner is highly ambitious and doesn't pay much attention to your needs. You want gratitude, adoration, and appreciation from her, and you can have it!

In other words, at home and in front of her, you have the opportunity to grow your sense of worth, achievement, and security.

It seems that the two people in the marriage are "sympathizers" with the same illness. When the two of you don't know how to achieve communication and problem solving between partners, you choose to look outside for help—to achieve self-satisfaction with the help of others. But you give up on cultivating yourself inwardly—to enhance your emotional value, achieve self-satisfaction, and grow yourself. This is an exciting opportunity for you to learn and grow!

2. Look at what else you can have after the passion and betrayal!

A perfect love/marriage requires three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment. And while cheating is exciting, it's also costly. You'll pay a high price for it, including "courage," "lies," and even gambling your "marriage" and good name (personal reputation).

But just in case, let's put aside all worldly concerns and assume that you two really eloped and got married. The future will still be a return to the ordinary marriage and family life, but it'll be even better than you could have imagined!

In My Best Years, Chen Junsheng cheated on Ling Ling. When the passion faded and they returned to their marriage and family, the same sense of weariness arose again. But there's a better way! Seeking outside will always lead to the loss of not getting what you want. Cultivating inwardly will nourish the self through self-maturity and growth.

3. Use this as an amazing opportunity to discover resources, not to solve problems!

How do you understand this? If you see a problem as a problem, you can only "solve" it. But here's the thing: solving a problem will only lead to new problems. So, what's the solution? See a problem as an "opportunity"! That's right, turn that problem into a "resource"!

Use this as an amazing opportunity to communicate effectively with your partner! Everyone wants a happy marriage, especially career-minded women, because they are "strong" and don't want to lose or can't afford to lose. Some people say that family is a woman's first (career), and there is no reason for this.

"Words are not clear," and sometimes conflicts arise or even escalate because we don't know how to communicate or don't want to communicate. But there is a solution! With sincerity on both sides, listen to each other, but also express yourself, let emotions flow, reach a consensus, and work together to find a solution to the problem.

No criticism, let alone complaining! That's the way to go. Complaining can only make people feel frustrated.

"You must first put your own house in order before you can deal with external affairs." Get your thoughts in order and figure out where to start. Then, you'll be ready to take on the world!

I really hope the above is helpful to you, and to the world! And I love you! ?

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to keep chatting with you one-on-one and see how we can grow together!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

You got married hoping to support each other, understand and tolerate each other, and grow old together. From what you said, your wife is career-minded, so your relationship is cold. As a woman, I want to say that she is also vulnerable. When she wants someone to rely on, does she get care and comfort?

I don't know how the original poster got along with his wife at first. Before you got married, was she ambitious? If not, why did she suddenly become so ambitious?

Relationships are mutual.

The questioner met a woman who understood him because his wife was cold. They had the same experience, which brought them closer. When we are frustrated in a relationship, if we meet someone who understands and accepts us, we can get everything we want from the other person.

The questioner thinks back. When he first got together with his wife, did she also make him feel this way? Perhaps you have both changed over time. Every relationship is mutual. When you see that the relationship is becoming more and more mundane, has the questioner tried to improve it?

Your feelings are incompatible, so you both need someone to listen. Has the questioner heard of empathy? Empathy is when you transfer your feelings to something else, which then makes you feel more intense emotions. (This explanation comes from Baidu.)

Your relationship developed quickly and intensely. Empathy likely caused these feelings. Give yourself time to think. After meeting her, why didn't you control your emotions? What changed? Did she understand your pain?

Meeting the wrong person at the wrong time

If you love the other person, do you still love your wife? Do they still love their husband? Are you willing to give up everything to be together?

You felt love at first sight. But is that really love? Or is it just that this encounter filled the emptiness and coldness in your hearts?

If it's true love, you can fight for it. But eloping with the wrong person at the wrong time is not the best way. The questioner has a child, and the other person has two. The other person's husband is willing to live with her. Does that mean he loves her and is willing to forgive her? Then they can improve their relationship by changing.

You have chosen to get married and have your own family, which means you have more responsibilities. Even though your wife and you don't get along, you still have to take care of your kids. Adults should follow their hearts, but they shouldn't hurt their kids.

Seeing your own needs

If someone cheats, it means there have been problems for a long time. Both people ignored them until one couldn't take it and cheated. Maybe the questioner wants to be with this person and loves them. If they love each other, can the questioner just be honest and not run away?

[Attachment and intimacy] and [Intimacy management] are recommended. We can learn to get along better with our partner and maintain the relationship. I hope my answer is helpful. Best wishes.