The mother-in-law is aloof and the husband can't handle it. What does marriage really give women?

If your mother-in-law can live well with your father-in-law, your married life will be better. Some problems already appeared during your pregnancy.

You were pregnant in September and needed injections and tests, which was hard. Your mother helped, but your mother-in-law told your husband not to. I don't know why, but she needs to explain.

The mother-in-law is aloof, and your husband doesn't know how to handle it.

What marriage gives women You and he fell in love freely

Three years of marriage is sweet. In-laws are polite until the baby is born.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

Conflict

You cry. You feel helpless. You feel very sad and have developed postpartum depression. This period has also been very difficult for you, and the fighting has continued.

A husband-and-wife alliance can help with problems between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law.

Husband and wife must support each other.

You and your husband should stick together.

Some mothers-in-law are controlling and treat their daughter-in-law like an outsider. This is frustrating. You're married into the family, so you should feel safe.

Your mother-in-law also told your husband to keep an eye on you. Isn't this a scheme to drive a wedge between you? It's very upsetting and disappointing. It's also worsening your relationship with your husband.

Your mother-in-law's daughter has problems too. She needs to pay attention to this. Your father-in-law is stingy, mean, and nagging. These are things you need to talk about.

Your mother-in-law is controlling and demanding. Set boundaries and limit contact. Your husband should connect with you more and see your good qualities.

A bad marriage can cause pain. You should try to improve your relationship with your husband. Women should also improve themselves. As a dedicated coach, I recommend you read books on women's growth. Good luck!

ZQ?

Dear host, I appreciate your trust in me. I'm only replying now because of the holiday season, so please bear with me.

Before you got pregnant, you said you and your husband were very sweet to each other. He would give you money, do the housework, and cheer you up. You also lived in a rented house alone, and your in-laws were very polite.

After you become pregnant, your child may not be developing as well as they should be. This can cause you to feel worried and scared, especially if you're concerned that your child isn't growing as they should. At this time, you were hospitalized as instructed by your doctor. Various tests and treatments can be exhausting. While your mother and in-laws were there for you, what you needed most was your husband's company and support.

So your in-laws wouldn't let your husband come to the hospital to see you, and you were so sad you cried all night. We don't know what they were thinking, but it seems like they might have been afraid that your husband (her son) would get tired, or maybe they had feudalist ideas that it would be bad luck for a man to be in the obstetrics ward, or something else.

To sum up, your in-laws didn't step up and take control of the situation, which made you feel pretty disappointed, upset, and sad.

Second, your body needs a lot of care during the month after childbirth, and the baby is also very small and needs care. You may be very tired, both physically and mentally. You have lost your slim figure and have turned from a young woman into a mother, so you can only put your own needs aside.

You're eager to get your husband's support, help, and tolerance, but he's siding with his mother. Why has your husband changed from someone who can comfort and take care of you to someone who's siding with his mother?

It's possible that your husband isn't fully prepared to be a father. When he sees a tiny baby that needs care, and his wife becomes emotionally unstable because she's a mother and is having conflicts with his own mother, he doesn't know how to respond without hurting you or the mother who gave birth to him. He's also very helpless.

Third, when we become parents, we have to spend a lot of energy taking care of the kids. At the same time, we also have to face our own sense of helplessness, which can be triggered by seeing the helplessness of the children. We may even end up feeling like children ourselves, because our psychological age can become smaller. So at this time, we need the help of both sets of parents.

Fourth, getting help from our parents can be tricky. They may have different ideas about parenting than we do, so it's important to communicate and try to understand each other.

5. All the best as you move through these years.

Dear Question Asker,

I came across your question on the platform and noted the various challenges you have faced. Even during the period of confinement, your mother-in-law engaged in a dispute with you, resulting in your emotional distress. Your husband also appeared to facilitate your mother-in-law's criticism of you. This must have caused you significant distress and frustration. I extend my support and understanding to you from a distance.

It has been observed that prior to the birth of your children, your relationship with them was relatively normal.

"We have been married for three years. From renting a house to buying a house, getting married, getting a pay raise, getting pregnant, it was all very pleasant. My husband would hand over his paycheck and help with the housework and cheer me up. The in-laws were also very polite. However, conflicts began to emerge when our child was nine months old.

The conflicts between you and your mother-in-law can be summarized as follows:

Prior to the birth of the infant, the gestational period was approximately one month longer than the actual nine months. The mother-in-law's contributions were limited to providing meals, and she even advised the husband to refrain from visiting the hospital to see the newborn.

After giving birth, you have been experiencing depressive symptoms for several months. During this period, your mother-in-law has continued to engage in arguments with you. When you are in a state of sadness and crying, your husband has been observed assisting your mother-in-law in expressing negative sentiments about you. This is a notable shift from previous dynamics, wherein your mother-in-law would typically direct such expressions towards you, and your husband would then intervene to defend you against her.

The mother-in-law is notably hypocritical in her discourse, espousing one set of views to her son-in-law and an entirely different set in her daughter's presence. She has also been observed to refrain from commenting on her daughter's activities, who is in her twenties and appears to be leading a largely unproductive lifestyle. The father-in-law is similarly characterised by a tendency to be parsimonious and a penchant for incessant criticism. Their combined influence has already had a discernible impact on the couple's relationship, with the wife frequently citing financial obligations as a source of stress. She also reports a desire for greater autonomy and a tendency to impose her will on others. The husband, for his part, has demonstrated a lack of effective conflict resolution skills, with instances observed where he has facilitated his mother's criticism of the wife. These observations collectively paint a picture of a marriage environment that is characterised by a lack of harmony and a high level of stress for the wife.

What are the benefits of marriage for women?

1. If one's husband takes one's contributions for granted or if one's in-laws are critical of one but remain silent or even agree with them, they will not moderate their behavior and may even intensify it. This is because they feel that no matter what they do, their son will not be dissatisfied and will even agree with them. They feel that their son is part of the family and that they will rely on their son to support them in their old age. However, if one's husband understands and appreciates one's hard work in the family, or if he can stand by one's side or even argue for one when one's in-laws are being critical and harsh with one, then even if they have more than enough grievances against one, they will not go too far because they do not want to hurt their relationship with their son over this. Even if they only care about their son's feelings, they will not be too critical of one.

2. The crux of the matter lies with your husband. He is the pivotal figure in navigating the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It is imperative to identify an opportunity to engage in a constructive dialogue with him, to convey your authentic inner sentiments, and to elucidate the profound sadness and distress you are experiencing. It is crucial not to internalize the burden alone. During your most vulnerable moments, it is essential to seek his support in navigating the decisions that arise. After all, you still hold a profound affection for each other. It is inadvisable to confront your parents-in-law directly, as this will place him in a challenging position, potentially leading to a passive response on your part.

3. In the event that the spouse is particularly weak and reluctant to advocate for the couple, it is essential to rely on oneself, maintain an even-tempered disposition, avoid excessive concern, and this will significantly reduce the difficulties encountered. It is important to recognise that in-laws may not extend the same level of care and attention as one's own parents. It is therefore necessary to adjust expectations and avoid excessive demands. This approach will help to achieve a state of inner equilibrium. It is crucial to understand that the in-laws are not the primary focus of one's life. In the long term, it may be beneficial to limit contact as much as possible. Living separately is often the most appropriate solution.

4. It is imperative to fortify oneself, particularly in economic matters, in order to become more autonomous and assertive. By cultivating inner strength, one can mitigate the impact of external influences. It is possible to maintain one's lifestyle despite the actions of others. Prioritize the well-being of one's children and oneself. Having unwavering belief in one's capabilities is crucial for personal growth and resilience.

It is my sincere hope that this response is of some assistance to you. I extend my warmest regards to you and your loved ones.

Question owner:

Hello! Meeting someone face-to-face, your current feelings are not uncommon. Many people think that love will always be sweet after marriage. However, marriage often brings challenges that make us question our relationship. We may ask ourselves, "What has marriage given us?"

The problem began when you were nine months pregnant and in the hospital receiving nutrition fluids. To ensure the baby's health, you had to be hospitalized, where you received injections and tests day and night. At that time, you must have wanted your husband to be by your side, to give you support and comfort. However, your mother-in-law wouldn't let your husband come to the hospital to see you. You must have been disappointed and sad, and that's why you cried bitterly the whole night before the baby was born.

During your month of confinement, you argued with your mother-in-law and cried. Your husband sided with your mother-in-law and helped her argue with you. You were undoubtedly disappointed in your husband again. He offered no comfort and only added salt to the wound. At that time, you must have been disappointed and heartbroken, right?

My mother-in-law says one thing but does another. She even tells my husband to keep an eye on you. It's really hard to like a mother-in-law like that. From your description, it's clear that your mother-in-law has failed to handle many of her own family matters. She's always meddling in your married life. Is it because her relationship with your father-in-law is not good that she's used to focusing her attention on your husband?

As a new mother, you are understandably overwhelmed and in need of help. However, your mother-in-law's interference and your husband's inaction have made things even more difficult for you. I empathize with the helplessness of being a woman. We obviously married because we love someone, but in this strange environment, the person we love has not become a strong support for us, and sometimes they have even become accomplices in hurting us. It is natural for a woman to doubt her original intention in getting married. She will ask herself countless times, "Why did we get married?"

The good news is that your mother-in-law doesn't live with you. When the children are older, your life will improve. Your husband is a man, and he doesn't know how to handle family matters. You are the most reliable person in this situation. I'll give you a few suggestions, which you can consider:

1. Understand the nature of marriage. Marriage is not only about happiness and mutual affection; it is also about suffering and trials. You must learn to be tolerant, understanding, respectful, and appreciative of each other.

2. Change the way you get along with your mother-in-law. Avoid arguments at all costs. She finds it hard to reach a consensus with you, so don't bother trying. Just do what she says and pretend to be happy about it. She doesn't live with you anyway.

3. Understand that your husband's role as a mediator between his parents and you is challenging. Stand with him and face his family so you don't feel like an outsider.

4. Learn to communicate. Marriage needs to be managed. A good marriage is inseparable from effective communication. Learn about the Sandwich Communication Method (use it when communicating with your mother-in-law) and read the book "Nonviolent Communication."

5. Deal with your emotions and don't make yourself miserable. Listen to music, go shopping, vent with your best friend.

It's undeniable: unhappiness in marriage makes us doubt the beginning and forget the original intention. You have had so many good times together, which proves you came together because of love.

Marriage is like clothes for the poor: you don't just replace them when they get worn out, you mend them! You will never forget your original intentions, you will win the heart of one person, and you will stay together until the end!

Hug!

The host's description is like my experience!

Fall in love freely. Hand over the salary. Live in a world of two before having children. After having children, the conflicts-and-why-marry-him-in-the-first-place-3608.html" target="_blank">mother-in-law tells the husband to keep an eye on me. The husband is a mama's boy. He will not mediate in the conflicts between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

This series of things makes people feel anxious and scared. The host feels empathetic towards these experiences.

After giving birth, there have been many conflicts over child-rearing.

But it's much less than before. I've grown stronger and wiser.

When you stop fearing or resenting your mother-in-law and start treating her with gratitude, all your problems will be solved.

The difficulties you are experiencing now will pass.

Relax, change your perspective, and don't dwell on her attitude.

Maybe she doesn't think she's superior and is just trying to teach you from her experience.

As the younger generation, we can learn from the elderly, even if they're wrong, and be polite.

To avoid conflicts, no one thought there was anything wrong with their behavior.

People see others as they are, so when others disagree with me, there are conflicts.

Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have always had conflicts in China. It's really about relationships.

You wouldn't have conflicts with a strange grandma.

If you hadn't married your husband, his mother would have been strange.

You may not feel cold towards your mother-in-law.

You chose your husband and married him. Now, she's your mother-in-law.

Then you'll feel differently. She always gets involved in your lives.

The original poster asks what marriage has brought to women.

This is a good question. It makes me think about what marriage brings to a woman.

First, marriage is a choice.

In the past, people thought the eldest male should take charge and the eldest female should marry. Nowadays, most parents want their children to get married.

Some people choose not to marry and live on their own.

If the host wants a happy marriage, it's their choice.

In love, it's just you and your partner. In marriage, it's you and your partner plus their family.

When you marry, you have to accept your partner's flaws and those of their family.

We have to meet both sets of parents and siblings.

If they are all understanding, it's fine. But if one is unsociable, arrogant, and difficult,

It's hard to find such a person. The best thing is to avoid them.

If she can't, she should leave.

To reduce conflicts, have less contact. Contact leads to conflicts that can be disastrous.

2. Marriage gives women a safe place to live.

It provides a home for men too.

A happy marriage is a fortress for two people.

When there is external aggression, they work together to resist.

This fortress will be stronger, or it will be vulnerable.

Marriage is a home that two people must protect together.

Does a woman feel secure in marriage?

It comes from the man's care and the woman's strength.

Marriage is about two people coming together. Both people should work hard.

3. Marriage is where new life is nurtured.

Some DINKs don't want kids. We won't talk about them here.

Most people think a happy marriage means getting married and having children.

Many people can't imagine the pain of families who want children but can't have them.

A new life needs love and care from parents.

A stable marriage protects the family and children.

Childbirth makes a woman a mother. There's a saying: "A woman is weak by nature, but becomes strong when she becomes a mother!"

Later, she will be a mother-in-law or grandmother.

Women who haven't given birth can't experience these things in their lifetime.

Marriage is painful and sweet for women.

It depends on your marriage status.

Some people are happy and stay in their marriages.

Some people meet the wrong people and are hurt in their marriages.

I hope the poster is happy in her marriage.

I hope every kind woman has a happy marriage.

I wish you a happy life!

The world loves you!

Dear Question Owner, Reading your words, I sense a strong negative sentiment regarding the situation with your husband's family. It appears that since the birth of your child, circumstances have undergone a significant transformation.

I suggest we take a moment to calm down, and I will provide my perspective. I hope my next answer will be helpful to you.

First and foremost, it is important to recognize that marriage often entails two individuals growing and learning together, with the inevitable collision of two distinct perspectives shaped by different family backgrounds. In a marriage, it is essential to cultivate the ability to tolerate, understand, and be grateful for each other's differences. Love in marriage is not the same as friendship. Love is a more intimate bond, and conflicts between partners are to be expected and managed.

You described how the day before your own delivery, your mother-in-law refused to let your husband stay with you and kept demanding money from him. You also mentioned that you and your mother-in-law had a disagreement while you were in confinement. However, you expressed that you were upset.

From my perspective, you seem to be someone who is not inclined to engage in conflictual discussions. When faced with disagreements, it is often helpful to take a moment to calm down and collect your thoughts. Counting to twelve can be an effective way to do this. If you find yourself still feeling angry after this period of reflection, it may be helpful to engage in further dialogue with the other party to try to find a resolution.

It is important to note that angry words can be very hurtful.

It is important to express our needs in a reasonable manner and to ensure that the other person is aware of what is most important to us. Silence is not an effective solution in this situation.

The situation can be likened to a story: a cat was rescued by a family, and then the cat gave the family its favorite mouse as a token of its gratitude. However, this gesture backfired, as it annoyed the family even more because mice are not their favorite.

From your description, I understand that you are experiencing a great deal of anger and resentment. It appears that you are unable to accept your husband's assistance to your mother-in-law, and that they are unable to comprehend your perspective.

However, is this truly the case? As previously stated, the relationship between two individuals is often shaped by the contrasting family upbringing and educational backgrounds they bring to the table. This often leads to differences in values and approaches to various situations. To effectively navigate these differences, it is essential to communicate openly and understand the underlying reasons behind the other person's actions.

As a mother with a newborn, I empathize with the challenges you're facing. It's crucial to communicate effectively and consider the desired outcome before speaking. It's also important to maintain a level head and avoid emotional outbursts, as the baby is highly sensitive to your actions. I'm here to support you.

I wish you the best of luck.

I extend my warmest regards to you and your family.