There are too many differences between parents, and the conflict between independence and dependence. How to let go

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

This conflict between dependence-what-actions-are-necessary-to-achieve-personal-independence-10901.html" target="_blank">independence and dependence is something that many of us grapple with at some point in our lives. You don't want to pass on your own lack of independence to your daughter, and you hope that your parents will not control your daughter so much. You feel that you and your parents are too different, and this is reflected in your parenting philosophies. No matter what, there is no way for your differences to be reconciled. This has made you feel torn for many years, while on the one hand thanking your parents for their care, on the other hand feeling conflicted. The influence on your daughter has made you unable to let go for a long time.

I'm not sure if your daughter is being cared for by her parents or by you. If you have the conditions to care for her yourself, it might be easier to influence her care. You can have a more profound influence on your daughter through interaction with her and the subsequent parenting process. It might also be helpful to remember that you have the right to take back this responsibility as a mother.

It is my hope that this will also help you become more independent.

I hope you will find these thoughts helpful to consider:

It can be challenging to change parents' parenting concepts, which may make it difficult for them to agree with you. From their perspective, they may feel that they are right. Instead of trying to make them agree with you, it might be more helpful to make your own choices on the basis of understanding and accepting that they are just the way they are.

It is important to remember that your daughter was brought up in a certain way, and that her parents will continue to bring her up in the same way, because it is the way they know. From their point of view, this is the right way. This way is familiar and safe for them, so it is not easy to change and adopt a different way. It is also worth noting that parents' current concepts and behavior patterns have also been influenced by their own background, upbringing, family interactions, educational background, etc. While it is not easy, it is possible for parents to change. They may need to be motivated to change themselves. If they don't, it can be very difficult. As the saying goes, "A single thought can change the world." There are only three things in the world – your own affairs, other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven. It can be helpful to remember that people are troubled because they worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven, rather than focusing on their own affairs.

It is worth noting that the actions and thoughts of parents are often influenced by external factors and may not always align with our expectations. They are individuals with unique parenting concepts and methods, shaped by their own experiences and circumstances. It is important to accept parents as they are and recognize that our choices are influenced by their actions and thoughts. We must also be prepared to face the consequences of our choices. This process of understanding and acceptance is essential for our growth and development as individuals.

2. With regard to the concepts of independence and dependence, it is not a matter of choosing one or the other, but rather of striking a balance.

We live in society and in relationships, so it's natural to rely on ourselves for some things and on others for other things. We need independence, but we also need support. We want a balance between independence and dependence. This issue seems to be a conflict between you and your parents, but it's really a conflict you face in your work and family life, in your own development and parenting. How to balance these is what you really need to face and solve.

If you feel that leaving your daughter entirely in the care of her parents may have a negative influence on her and prevent her from developing the abilities she needs, but you can't stay at home with her full-time, you might like to consider other more constructive options and solutions. Perhaps you could look at the resources around you, or see if you can adjust the amount of time and frequency with which you leave your daughter in the care of her parents. At the same time, you could try to increase the positive influence you have on your daughter by spending more effective time with her, paying attention to some of her thoughts and behaviors, and guiding her in a timely manner. This could definitely be effective, and you might also like to see your value and role.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that you could benefit from spending more time with your daughter during work hours, as well as after work and on weekends. You could also consider playing games with her, chatting with her, and reading picture books with her in the evenings. This approach could help you to guide her positively through quality interactions, demonstrate your love and care for her, and encourage her to express herself in front of you. This could contribute to the development of a harmonious and stable parent-child relationship, which is an important foundation for providing her with a sense of security and preparing her for independence in the future. In addition, I would also communicate with my parents at the appropriate time. Rather than accusing them of doing something wrong, I would express my feelings and needs and my specific expectations from an objective perspective and from the perspective of the healthy growth of my child. Based on my experience, if what I say makes sense and is in line with the law (and I generally use some effective psychological methods), they will gradually adopt it in the end, because their need is also for their child to grow up healthily.

I believe this is also because I have a systematic way of learning about child education and developmental psychology, which I feel is more convincing in front of them.

Additionally, I will explore other potential resources. If I truly believe that their negative impact outweighs the supportive effect, I may consider seeking other forms of support, such as encouraging my husband to participate more, exploring the possibility of my in-laws' assistance, or forming a support system with other mothers to provide mutual assistance and growth. If work is of significant importance, it might be beneficial to utilize the income earned to hire a maid for household tasks, freeing up time and energy to spend with your daughter and enrolling her in suitable interest classes where she can make friends, develop interests, and be encouraged to grow in a more scientific manner, rather than spending every day with our parents, where the environment that influences her may be more diverse.

I hope this information is helpful for you. Best wishes!

I believe that recognizing the issue at hand, whether you can reconcile your views on child-rearing with those of your parents, presents an opportunity for change. Having identified the problem, the next step is to begin solving it.

From your inquiry, it appears that there is a discrepancy between your parenting approach and your child-rearing philosophy. You are attempting to foster your child's dependence-and-dependence-how-to-let-go-30769.html" target="_blank">independence, while your parents are providing comprehensive care for your child, which could potentially lead to your child becoming overly dependent.

Furthermore, you feel that your own dependence on your parents is excessive and that you do not wish for this to be reflected in your child. I appreciate the challenges you face as a working mother.

Due to work commitments, you have requested assistance from your parents in caring for your child. Your parents have assumed responsibility for your child's care in the traditional manner, providing comprehensive support.

In their generation, parents were under pressure to survive and had their own parenting experiences. As a result, they were inclined to take care of their children as much as possible, ensuring that the children could experience plenty of love. This instilled in children a sense of security and support, regardless of circumstances.

Your approach to child-rearing is to foster your child's independence to the greatest extent possible. When challenges arise, you will collaborate with the child's mother to find solutions.

The psychological value provided to the child is the same regardless of whether the problem is solved by the parent or together with the child. In this respect, both the parent and the other party are correct.

Regarding the topic of independence and dependence, it is referred to in psychological literature as separation and individuation. When a child feels secure enough, they will venture out on their own to explore the outside world.

Once a child has formed their own outlook on life and values, and developed their own survival strategies during their exploration of the outside world, they have completed the process of separation and individuation. This is what is meant by the term "independence."

If a child does not feel secure, they will lack the courage to explore the outside world alone. This can result in psychological dependence on parents or a tendency to be timid and cowardly, preventing the completion of separation from parents. This is referred to as incomplete separation and individuation in psychology.

It would be beneficial to observe your child in this regard. In instances where you and the parents are not providing assistance, does he demonstrate the ability to resolve the issue independently?

If the child is able to resolve issues independently, there is no cause for concern. However, if he lacks the capacity to do so, it is advisable to engage in a constructive dialogue with the parents to address the matter.

The divergence in perspectives on parenting between the younger and older generations can be attributed to the significant shifts in societal norms and circumstances over time. In the past century, a considerable portion of the population was still grappling with the basic necessities of life. However, in the present era, children are not encumbered by such concerns and are instead focused on navigating their lives in a productive manner.

As a result, parenting styles will naturally differ from those of the parents' generation.

It is human nature to rely on parents. This is reflected in the local saying about raising children: "A child sees his mother and cries three times, whether something is wrong or not."

The premise is that the child will instinctively recognize the provision of care and will seek attention and assistance when present. The assumption is that, in the caregiver's absence, the child will naturally address challenges independently.

The elderly often cite the example of a tree growing straight by itself to illustrate the importance of self-reliance in daughters.

For your reference, we will examine the reasons for the current situation. When seeking a solution, we encourage you to review the following information.

It would be beneficial to ascertain the impact of different parenting styles on children. Should it be determined that a particular style is detrimental to a child's future development, it would be advisable to communicate this to the parents in a constructive and firm manner.

It is important to collaborate with your parents to foster your child's independence. All parents want the best for their children, and if you rely on your parents, they may face challenges. If you communicate to your parents that you want your child to be independent, you can avoid potential difficulties in your future, and I believe they will understand your perspective.

Thank you for your inquiry, which provides us with the chance to address this matter here. I hope my response has been informative and helpful. Best regards, [Name]

The present is good! Be grateful to have met you.

You don't like this parenting style, but you need your parents' help. Let's talk about it together.

1. Parents will have such behaviors and concepts.

You're angry at your parents for not listening to you.

If you're stuck and can't leave your child, remember that parents will have these kinds of feelings.

If we understand each other, we can let go of the blame. Then parents can make changes, cooperate with ideas, or learn new parenting methods.

The parents' generation grew up differently. They were hardworking and didn't raise their children as much as their generation did. So our generation was raised more delicately. Many of us were taught by our parents that we only needed to study hard to have a good job and a good life.

Our generation will bring new parenting concepts. You can start physical training for your child at two months.

You regret the past and think you could have done more if you'd had more experiences. This is why you think you are not independent enough and hope your children can be more independent.

Parents have certain beliefs and habits that are hard to change. They need to realize that new parenting concepts are better for their children and be willing to change.

Otherwise, they won't want to change. If we're always in conflict with our parents, they'll be more resistant to new ideas.

They will be more stubborn and opinionated. You can only change them by understanding why they think and act this way and guiding them slowly.

2. How to resolve the conflict between independence and dependence

You need your parents to care for your child, but you don't like the way they raise them. To resolve this, either don't get involved or don't watch or interfere.

This will also stop you getting upset when you see them doing things differently. Either you take care of the child yourself and don't involve your parents, or you hire a childminder.

Or hire a childminder and spend more money.

You want to enjoy your parents' care, but you can't accept their child-rearing methods. It's hard to have it both ways, so you have to decide what's more important.

There's no third way. It takes effort to get parents to change. You can show parents new ideas about family education and childcare. This helps them find ways to help their children grow.

3. Change yourself.

Relax. Parents' behaviors affect children, but you can still influence yours.

For example, you can tell your child, "Mommy knows you can clean it with a cloth. You can learn from how Grandma does it." Write down your emotions and feelings, and you can tell your parents how you feel.

You can also talk to your best friend, your husband, or a therapist to relax. Take some time for yourself.

Every week, relax and be the person you want to be. This will influence how your child grows up.

Actions speak louder than words. Parents' long-term companionship with their children has an impact, and you can influence your children and parents by setting a good example.

What do you think?

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Hello, question asker! Thanks for sharing this great question. It's really brave and relatable.

Some of the scenarios, like "there's a kind of coldness called when your mother feels you're cold" and "isn't this just a matter of two strokes," are particularly vivid and have a strong sense of imagery.

On the one hand, you're grateful to your parents for helping you out when you needed it most, like when you were busy at work and your daughter spent most of her childhood at your parents' house.

On the other hand, you find that your parenting style is quite different from your parents' and this makes you feel conflicted.

You also said you don't want to pass on your lack of independence to your daughter. I'd like to ask you, is the responsibility for raising children yours or your parents'?

Have you had any conversations with your parents about how you want to raise your kids? How would you describe your relationship with your children now?

Given what we've seen in our own lives, can we really say what we want?

There's a theory in psychology that says how others treat you is something you teach yourself and something you allow yourself to be treated that way. If you'd refused from the start to let your parents raise your daughter with one-way, emotionless love, and they'd accepted and understood your philosophy, what would've happened?

It's always tough to change others. But changing yourself is your own business and has nothing to do with others.

Now that you've seen how dependent you were on your parents, can you start being more independent and less dependent on them going forward?

I'm sure you know the origin of the psychological term "learned helplessness." It's the story of an elephant that was tamed from a young age in captivity. If it tries to escape, it will be beaten.

When it grows up, the animal trainer only needs to place a stick in front of it, and it won't try to escape, even though it seems like all it needs to do is pull the stick out with its trunk. Think about if there's any resemblance to the elephant in you.

You've clearly grown up and have kids of your own, but why do you still interact with your parents the same way you did when you were a kid?

I hope my answer will give you some ideas and help.

It seems like there are often conflicts between us and our parents, especially when it comes to parenting. It's not easy to influence parents' parenting concepts.

Parents' parenting concepts are based on their own upbringing and their own parenting experiences, which have their limitations. They were brought up this way and are applying the same methods to you and your daughter.

Given their limited understanding, they just didn't know any better.

It's best to communicate with your parents in a non-judgmental and non-accusatory manner.

If you express your thoughts and feelings honestly and listen to their opinions patiently, you can enhance mutual understanding and reduce misunderstandings.

Communication skills: 1. Give positive feedback on their actions 2. Share your feelings about the situation 3. Set expectations for parents

"Mom and Dad, seeing you with your daughter, I can see how hard you're trying to raise her. It's not easy. [Seeing how hard it is for my parents, I acknowledge the part they've done]

When I saw you mop up the milk with a rag, it took me back to when I was a kid and I spilled something. I was all fired up and wanted to clean up the mess on my own.

But I didn't get a chance to do it myself. You guys made short work of it.

I was really disappointed by the contrast. On the one hand, I missed out on a chance to take action and didn't get to do something I wanted to do.

On the other hand, it shows that you're all pretty amazing and quick on your feet. At first, I didn't really feel anything, but over time, it added up, and I felt like I was slow and poor, which frustrated me quite a bit and also dealt quite a blow to my self-confidence. [Speaking of feelings]

When I was a kid, I didn't do a lot of things perfectly. I did my best and did what I could at that age.

It's not realistic to expect a 2-year-old to be as capable as an adult. What a 2-year-old can do is at the 2-year-old level.

So can't you just let go of the idea that you're somehow better than a 2-year-old? They'll be pretty frustrated if they try their best and still can't do what you can.

I wonder how she'll feel when we don't praise her for what she can do at her age.

So I just wanted to ask you to give her a little more affirmation and praise, and if you can't, please be more patient. Give her the opportunity to try, even if she doesn't do as well as you think she can. She's already doing her best. [Speaking of expectations]

It's not realistic to expect that a few in-depth conversations will completely change your parents' thoughts and behaviors. Our influence is actually very limited. Their concepts have been formed over decades, and it will take time to change.

A diverse parenting style also helps children to be flexible.

Our kids will eventually have to navigate different social rules and relationships in society.

Your different parenting styles from your parents' and your different attitudes towards the same thing are also showing your child that this matter is handled in this way by Mum, in this way by Grandpa, in this way by Grandma, and in a third way.

Kids will also adapt and respond flexibly to different people in different ways. Looking at it this way is actually helpful for their growth.

Focus on your own growth and development. As you continue to advance on your life's journey and become more mature and confident, you may be able to see these differences more lightly.

Learn to embrace imperfection, including the imperfections of your parents and the imperfections of your relationship. Don't be too demanding that everything fits perfectly.

Give yourself some time and space to adjust your mindset. Don't rush to solve all problems immediately. As time goes by, many emotions may gradually fade, and you'll feel more relieved.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am pleased to have the opportunity to respond to your query. I hope that my suggestions will be of assistance. Kind regards,

There are some differences in the mindset of the older generation, especially in terms of parenting. It is perhaps normal for the situation to be the opposite. We need to address parenting issues through constant negotiation and coercion.

In terms of parenting, it is advisable to adopt a scientific approach, striking a balance between overindulgence and neglect. This will ensure the most appropriate solution is reached.

It is of the utmost importance to instill independence in children, as they will eventually become adults who require this quality.

It is important to note that a child's understanding of independence is not yet developed. During the rebellious stage, children may desire independence and autonomy from their parents. However, when they are first separated from home, they may still seek reassurance from their parents. This indicates that they still require a certain level of support and guidance.

It is essential to achieve an optimal balance. While independence allows us to pursue our desired activities, it also entails a certain degree of constraint. When we are away for an extended period, we still have the security of a familiar home to return to.

It is essential to employ different pedagogical approaches at varying stages of a child's development. For instance, during their kindergarten or primary school years, the objective is not to foster independence but to instill a moral compass and behavioral norms, while imparting fundamental daily skills. As they mature, we can gradually introduce more independent tasks.

It should be noted that the independence in question may extend beyond mere behavioral aspects to encompass mental and psychological factors. This form of independence is best exemplified by the adage "teaching someone to fish rather than giving them a fish."

To summarize, a child may be dependent when at home. Parents may assign household tasks such as laundry, cooking, and cleaning to their child before their departure. This is acceptable, but the child must understand how to perform these tasks. If the child is left at home alone or absent from the parents' residence, they will be capable of self-sufficiency.

This is part of behavioral independence, which entails equipping children with the skills and knowledge they need to function independently.

Another form of independence is spiritual independence, which entails parents learning to relinquish control. This is a matter of parental rights. By allowing our children to pursue autonomy when they are ready, we can facilitate their journey towards independence. However, this may prove challenging for many parents. Even when we do allow our children to take the lead, we often retain a degree of control. This is often driven by a fear of letting go completely and a concern about our children's ability to thrive independently. In such cases, it is essential to revisit the aforementioned independent skills. At the same time, we must also extend a portion of our trust to our children.

It is crucial to consider how parents' ideas may collide in addition to the education model.

It is important to understand that from the child's perspective, grandparents and parents occupy distinct roles. It is essential to avoid creating confusion by ensuring that the child does not perceive a need to heed the instructions of both grandparents and parents. When there is a discrepancy in the instructions provided by parents and grandparents, the child may be uncertain about which to follow.

It is important to teach children respect for their elders, while also encouraging critical thinking and independent judgment. This involves helping them understand that while all elders, including grandparents, parents, and other authority figures, love them, the forms of love they provide may differ. Some forms of love can be directly absorbed, and children can express gratitude to their elders. However, if this love crosses the line into spoiling, children must learn to discern between healthy and unhealthy forms of love. They should not hate their parents when they stop spoiling them, nor should they feel that their parents are blocking the love their elders provide.

It is important to instill in children the value of developing independent skills and abilities, which are essential for becoming an independent individual. However, this process requires a gradual and structured approach that engages the child's full participation.

It is not feasible to teach a kindergarten child that sleeping alone is an important thing. However, when the child reaches adolescence and high school, even if the parent wants to sleep with the child, the child will likely not want to sleep with the parent. Therefore, this aspect of the child's upbringing must align with the child's natural growth and development. It is also important to note that guidance from parents or family members is crucial during this period.

Ideally, the family would have a unified educational philosophy. However, if that is not possible, it is not feasible to expect the elderly to change their decades-old way of thinking. This is a challenging situation, but it is still relatively easier to cultivate a child's values and way of thinking. Our focus remains on raising children.

It is also essential to maintain consistent communication with your partner, particularly on the part of the parent, to ensure the child is able to discern which instructions to follow and which to disregard.

I hope that through self-reflection and constant communication with your partner, you can identify the optimal approach to child education.

I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

Good day, My name is Shu Yaping, a psychological coach at One Mind. After reviewing your question and description, I would like to discuss strategies for resolving conflicts in your relationship with your parents.

As a parent, you may observe differences between yourself and your parents. On the one hand, you may be grateful for their assistance with childcare. On the other hand, you may experience tension due to differing parenting approaches. Best regards,

As we develop our own independent thoughts, we will expect our parents to respect and recognize us. At the same time, we will want a more relaxed and loving way of getting along with each other that is interdependent yet independent.

As a result, such conflicts may also manifest themselves in various aspects of one's life after growing up, preventing one from letting go.

First, it is important to recognize that differences between individuals are not uncommon. Factors such as background, education, and exposure to different influences can contribute to variations in perspectives and approaches.

Furthermore, these differences may also demonstrate your individuality and personal growth. However, they can also become a source of discomfort if not properly addressed.

It would be advisable to adopt an accepting attitude and a calm state of mind to view these differences, which should result in greater feelings of relief.

Secondly, at a certain stage in life, many individuals will encounter this challenge and navigate the following process: how to reconcile with their parents, who are caught in a web of conflicting emotions.

Relief is the ease and comfort that comes from letting go of our inner love and hate and eliminating sadness and joy. It is unclear if this is the desired outcome.

For me, it means being able to move on from my childhood experiences and to enjoy a mutually supportive relationship with my parents, in which I feel cared for and loved.

Currently, our hearts are brimming with vitality, tranquility, and a sense of liberation, overflowing with love.

As a final option, we can seek the assistance of counselors. Alternatively, we can invest in our own psychological energy and wisdom to navigate conflicts and problems through self-directed learning and growth.

You are not alone in this. Identifying your own issues is the first step towards resolving them.

My experience and insights on reconciling with my parents can be summarized briefly, but it is a complex process that may require significant time and effort, even spanning years.

It is, however, worth persevering. Please take as much time as you need.

In some instances, individuals may seek consistency in their values, which can manifest as a desire for recognition from significant others or parents.

However, upon reaching adulthood, it becomes evident that one's self-worth is derived from within, stemming from one's own self-perception.

Ultimately, while maintaining respect and understanding for our parents, we should direct more attention to our inner world to ascertain our true value and meaning.

This cognitive shift is a manifestation of growth and maturity, requiring individuals to confront their inner selves with courage and resist external influences.

As a result, you may wish to consider focusing on your own personal development, respecting your parents' autonomy, and communicating your genuine thoughts to them in a courageous, attentive, and loving manner through the use of non-violent communication.

It is assumed that love will flow more freely and happily between oneself and one's parents.

I extend my warmest regards to you and the world at large. I hope this information proves useful to you.

Hello, questioner. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you!

It might be tough to blend your parenting style with your parents'.

After all, your parents grew up in a completely different era than you did.

During the 2022 Shanghai epidemic, I watched a popular TV series at the time (Anjia).

There's a scene in the movie that really stuck with me.

A family has two kids. After the younger one is born, the parents send the older one to be looked after by the grandparents.

So the grandparents thought their son was taking too long to eat by himself and decided to feed him to save time.

When the parents came to pick up their son a month later, they were really upset because they thought that if they didn't feed him, he wouldn't eat.

In a situation like the one described above, the grandparents' intentions are not wrong. They want to save time, while the parents want to encourage their son to eat independently.

So, like you, you could think about picking up your daughter in the evening. Just follow your own rules and let her eat as long as she wants.

Of course, your daughter might ask you why her grandmother does things a certain way. You can tell her that your grandmother is old and might think that if she does something for her, she can finish eating faster. That way, she won't delay your grandmother from doing her own things.

Then let your daughter know that her grandmother's approach isn't wrong. It's possible that older people have their own ideas, but at home, you'd prefer your daughter to be independent because it's a skill she'll need when she grows up and enters society.

I really hope you can find a solution to this problem soon.

That's all I can think of for now.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you, the questioner. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Best wishes from all of us here at Yixinli!

!

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused. I'm here to help!

You're working now, right?

Your parents help with childcare during the day.

Your mother wants to do everything for her children, so they cannot be independent.

When you come home in the evening, let your child do things on her own. Tell her that one day she will have to be independent, so it's better for her to learn to do things on her own now.

Tell her your mother is doing it because she feels it takes up too much of her time.

Your mother has time at night. You can let her take her time. You probably won't mind if there are a few mistakes. This is a process of growth.

Your mother's parenting ideas are set because she grew up in a different era.

If you could, you would be financially independent and could move out with your husband.

This would stop arguments with your parents about childcare.

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

Now I only think of the above.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!

!

I can feel the depression, anxiety, and unease in the questioner's heart, but this issue needs to be viewed from many different angles. I'm sure that will help the questioner feel relieved!

From the parents' perspective, the daughter entrusts the child to their care not only because she is busy at work and has no time to look after the child, but also because she trusts and recognizes their ability to look after, care for, and teach the child well. This is why she is at ease in leaving the child in their care. And this will also make the parents think that their daughter approves of their way and philosophy of looking after and teaching the child, and naturally they will look after and teach the child as they think they should—and they'll do a great job!

When they see that the questioner is teaching the child in a way that they cannot understand or accept, they will feel both sorry for the child and think that the way the questioner is caring for and teaching the child is wrong and is hurting the child. This is a great opportunity for them to step in and help! They can do this by offering their own way of caring for and teaching the child. This way, the child will receive the love and guidance they need to thrive. On the one hand, they feel that they are the questioner's parents and elders, and they can exercise their right to interfere in this matter. This is a chance for them to show their child that they care about their well-being. On the other hand, the way the questioner is caring for and teaching the child is equivalent to denying that the way they are caring for and teaching the child is wrong. This is an opportunity for them to recognize that the questioner's approach may not be the best for the child. They can then suggest a new way of caring for and teaching the child that they think will be more beneficial. Only if the questioner also cares for and teaches the child like they do will they feel that the way the questioner is caring for and teaching the child is right and good for the child. This is a chance for them to show their child that they care about their well-being. At the same time, they will recognize that the parents' efforts in caring for and teaching the child are valuable and meaningful. This is a great opportunity for them to appreciate the hard work their child's parents are doing.

From the perspective of the questioner, it may seem that they have to entrust their children to their parents' care because they are busy at work. But on a deeper level, this may not necessarily be the case! The questioner may as well consider whether they were prepared to accept the role of mother when they gave birth to their child. And if they were, they probably felt excited and ready to take on the challenge of becoming a qualified and competent mother.

There's nothing wrong with asking your parents to take care of your child while you work. It's a great way to get help with childcare while you focus on your career. And it's not your parents' responsibility to care for and teach your child—that's your job! You're the one who gets to decide how your child is raised. You mentioned that you started training your child when he was only two months old. Some people may think this is too early, but it's the truth! If you're ready to take on the responsibility of caring for your child, you'll make sure to put their needs first. You'll make time for them and give them the love and attention they deserve. So, don't worry about your parents—they're great! Just remember, you're the one who gets to decide how your child is raised.

Some folks might say that the family's financial situation is really tough and they need to work. This is an objective fact. But if the conditions aren't ideal for raising a child and they still choose to have one, they're already being irresponsible to themselves and their child.

The questioner has the incredible opportunity to shape the life of the child born to them. The questioner has full custody and control over the child, including the child's care and education. The questioner, as the mother, has the privilege of bearing primary responsibility and also has more rights. Now the questioner has given these rights to the parents to exercise on their behalf, but has a different vision for how they care for and teach the child. The questioner is excited to explore new possibilities and is open to guidance on how to best support the child's growth.

Let's be real for a second. There's absolutely nothing wrong with parents being concerned for their kids. Like the questioner, parents also want their kids to grow up healthy and happy. This is where the questioner can really make a difference! It's important to recognize and support the parents' love and care for their children. Now, let's talk about the differences between how parents take care of and teach their kids and how the questioner does. This is totally normal! The questioner and their parents grew up in different times and environments, and they have different educational concepts. Of course, this leads to different approaches to parenting. But that's okay! It's all about finding what works best for each family.

So, the questioner can disagree with the way parents take care of and teach their children, but there's absolutely no need to negate or accuse them of this way! After all, they'll never know any other way unless the questioner can tell them and guide them to learn slowly, or the questioner takes care of the children themselves.

It's so exciting to see kids grow and learn! They start off relying on their parents for survival, which is totally normal. After all, they're still learning how to think and act independently. As they start to think and act more independently, they'll grow faster and faster. Before you know it, they'll be ready to take the next step towards becoming independent thinkers and doers!

It has to do with the child's age, abilities, and the space the child has to think and act independently. For example, the questioner mentioned that the mother took a towel to wipe the coffee table. This is a great opportunity for the mother to let the child learn to wipe it, to exercise the child's hands-on ability!

If the mother can understand that this is for the child's own good, then she may not wipe it. However, the original poster said, "The child will wipe it clean by themselves," which made the mother feel difficult to understand and accept. This is an excellent opportunity for the mother to explore her feelings about letting the child learn to wipe it clean by themselves!

At this time, the mother's approach conflicts with the questioner's thoughts. Of course, it is not easy to balance the gap between independence and dependence, and it is difficult to grasp the right measure. But don't worry! You can slowly think about it and explore.

I'm so excited to share my personal opinions with the questioner!

Hello, I am Li Di☀, and I am grateful for this opportunity to connect.

The differences in parenting values between you and your partner have caused you a great deal of internal struggle and conflict. I would like to first affirm your concern and efforts in your daughter's education, as well as your gratitude for your parents' love.

Many families find themselves in this emotional entanglement, and you are not alone in facing this challenge. Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory suggests that everyone has the need for self-realization, and in parenting, this is also reflected in your desire for your daughter to develop independence, which is a very natural desire.

Rogers' humanistic psychology places great emphasis on the importance of individualization. Every child is unique, and their growth path should be tailored to their own characteristics, rather than following traditional methods exclusively.

Perhaps we could explore the underlying psychological mechanisms behind your feelings and needs together, so that you can better understand and accept yourself.

From your description, I can sense your dedication to your parenting philosophy and your concern for your daughter's growth, as well as your desire for improvement in your parenting style and your inner conflict. You want your daughter to be independent, but at the same time appreciate your parents' care for her.

This conflict is a source of discomfort for you because you want to respect your parents while also upholding your own educational ideals.

From what you have shared, it seems that you have a strong desire to create a parenting environment that aligns with your personal values and the requirements of modern society. This desire may be driven by your expectations for your daughter's future and could also be a reflection of your role as a parent.

You would like to help your daughter build her self-confidence and problem-solving skills through independent parenting, which reflects your deep concern for your daughter's growth and your commitment to her happiness.

However, it is possible that in the process, you may also feel a sense of loneliness and stress because your ideas may not align with those of your parents. This conflict may potentially lead to some feelings of doubt about your self-worth and abilities, and it is also possible that it may evoke some experiences and feelings from your childhood.

Your concern about passing on this dependency actually reflects your strong desire for independence and your reflection on the past. You want to break the cycle and provide your daughter with a different model of growth.

We understand the challenges you are facing and the stress you are under. Your emotional experiences are legitimate, and we believe your feelings are worthy of understanding and respect.

In such situations, it is important to find a balance that respects the contribution and love of the parents while also adhering to your own educational principles. This may require courage and wisdom, as well as time to adjust and adapt.

You may find it helpful to try the following suggestions.

It may be helpful to practice self-acceptance. This could involve acknowledging and accepting your feelings, recognizing that your reactions are normal, and understanding that you are not blaming your parents, but rather hoping to find a better way of parenting.

It would be beneficial to communicate and negotiate with your parents. Open conversations where you express your thoughts and feelings, and listen to theirs, could help you find solutions together.

It may be helpful to set boundaries regarding how you want to raise your daughter. You might consider discussing these boundaries with your parents and seeking their support and understanding.

You might find it helpful to seek external resources, such as reading relevant books, attending parenting courses, or consulting professionals, to gain more knowledge and strategies for parenting.

It may be helpful to set aside some time for self-care, which could include seeking the support of a counselor if you feel it would be beneficial.

You are already putting in a great deal of effort to become a better parent, and this is a commendable undertaking. It is important to recognize that your feelings and needs are equally important, and they are an integral part of who you are as an individual and as a parent.

In the meantime, I kindly ask that you be a little more tolerant and believe that over time, you will both find the parenting style that is best for your family.

I hope my answer is helpful. I wish you all the best! *^O^*