There is a feeling of disgust but also an inability to escape. How should I face the person who raised me?

Hello, questioner! I can tell you're going through a lot right now.

It's not easy to face such a unique family dynamic. The disgust you mentioned is a normal reaction to this oppression and restraint, and the feeling of being unable to escape is due to the ties of blood and emotion.

First of all, I want to say that your feelings are real and justified. Everyone has the right to express their emotions, whether they are related to loved ones or other people.

You don't need to feel guilty or uneasy about this. At the same time, I also understand your softheartedness and helplessness. When faced with the suffering of our loved ones, we always hope to share some of it with them.

Let's look at this from a different angle. Your grandmother may be driven by a desire for power, but she also has a genuine sense of care and responsibility for the family.

She may have expressed this concern in a way that you found difficult to accept, but that doesn't mean her intentions were bad. And, as an uneducated rural woman, her way of acting may have been limited by her own experiences and circumstances.

In psychology, we call this "intergenerational transmission." It basically means that emotional patterns and ways of behaving in some families are passed down from one generation to the next.

While this transmission can sometimes have a negative effect, it is possible to break the cycle through understanding and communication.

Regarding the "powerlessness" you mentioned, this is actually a feeling that many people have when dealing with a strong relative. But please remember, you have the power to make decisions and take action.

You have your own thoughts, emotions, and right to choose. You can gradually get rid of this sense of powerlessness by learning and improving your abilities.

I'd like to give you some specific suggestions to help you out.

First, have an in-depth conversation with your grandmother. Find a time and place where you both feel comfortable, and be open about your feelings and confusion.

You could say, "Grandma, I know you've done a lot for us, but sometimes I feel that some of your ways bother me. Could we talk about how we can find a way to get along that's good for all of us?"

These conversations will help you understand each other better and find solutions that work for everyone.

Second, set some clear boundaries. This isn't about alienating your grandmother, but about protecting your own emotional space.

For instance, you could say, "Grandma, I appreciate your concern, but there are some things I'd like to handle on my own. When I need you, I'll come to you."

This way, you can express your needs while also respecting your grandmother's position.

Furthermore, find some common activities to enhance your relationship. Sometimes, taking part in something together can help you understand each other better and build trust.

You could invite your grandmother for a walk, a movie, or a meal of her favorite dishes. These shared experiences will bring you closer and strengthen your relationship.

At the same time, it's important to learn to adapt and relax. You can calm your emotions through meditation, yoga, or reading when you're facing challenges and stress with your family.

Remember, your emotions are yours to deal with, and you have the right to choose how to handle them. When you feel anxious or upset, take a deep breath and tell yourself, "I can handle this."

"

It's also a good idea to get some external support. You can talk to a good friend or a counselor.

They can also give you new perspectives and suggestions to help you better cope with the challenges in your family. Remember, you're not alone in this, and there are plenty of people who are willing to lend a helping hand.

Finally, keep the faith. Despite any difficulties you may have faced in your family, believe in your ability to change and create your own happiness.

If you're willing to put in the effort and time, you can definitely find a way to get along harmoniously with your grandmother.

I know it might take some time and courage to put these suggestions into practice, but I just wanted to remind you that you deserve a more harmonious and happy family environment. We're always here to support and accompany you.

Best of luck!

You have been with the company for 26 years, so you can dedicate a few years to resolving the issue that is most important to you.

Dealing with mental illness is relatively straightforward for medical professionals who are well-versed in the subject matter. However, a more comprehensive understanding of mental illness and effective disease management strategies are essential.

For example, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). While there is currently no internationally recognized optimal treatment method, it can be addressed through practical experience.

A patient with a narcissistic personality disorder is constantly engaged in activities that create the illusion of self-deception. The problems that exist and the inability to continue as a result of the actions of others are used as excuses to avoid taking responsibility for one's own issues. The need to constantly engage in activities to maintain self-esteem and avoid facing one's own problems is a key characteristic of this disorder.

Individuals who have been exposed to a narcissistic personality disorder over an extended period may experience a decline in their ability to problem-solve effectively. This is due to the fact that the narcissistic personality disorder patient has consistently employed avoidance tactics, which has subsequently impaired their capacity to utilize their typical cognitive processes and logical reasoning abilities.

Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder tend to avoid facing their own problems. Instead, they seek out sources of affirmation and distraction from the conflicts they experience. They often gravitate towards individuals who are constantly checking the news and sharing stories of misfortune and accidents. By comparing these narratives, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder may perceive their own lives as less challenging. Consequently, they may not prioritize constant self-enhancement and may even seek out interactions with those who share a similar inclination towards the news.

It should be noted that not all individuals with mental illness are violent towards everyone, but rather act in a selective manner. Mental illness can be managed effectively through specific measures.

It is inevitable that everyone will encounter problems in life. However, some people are better equipped to deal with them effectively, thereby avoiding significant losses. Individuals who possess the ability to tackle challenges head-on and resolve issues in a satisfactory manner tend to experience less financial setback than those who are less adept at problem-solving.

Your mother has limited education and cultural exposure, so this is simply a matter of time before it can be addressed. It is not an urgent issue.

Your mother's lack of education may result in decisions that are not aligned with the needs of modern development. It is therefore advisable to modify some of her decisions based on your leadership and discuss them with her to gain her input. If she is not receptive, you may proceed with implementing them as you see fit.

For example, if you are asked to support your family and take responsibility, you hope to continue your education to meet the needs of society and have a better career foundation. You believe you are correct in your assessment, while she believes she is correct in hers.

Then you have to work hard and make a well-considered decision. The most significant challenge in business is encountering individuals who are unproductive, lack accountability, and rely on others to complete their tasks.

It is not feasible to accomplish every task, but it is possible to complete some of them.

Hello, question asker! Based on your description of your family background:

There are six people in the family: the grandmother, the parents, and the three children (the original poster, a younger brother, and a younger sister).

Your grandmother is a rural woman with no education who is very ambitious and is the real head of the household.

Both parents and you suffer from mental illness, and your father has the ability to earn a living to support the family.

You are 26 years old, also suffering from mental illness, and you have never received love from your mother.

You may be offended by the following question, but I have to ask it.

"The father has the ability to earn money to support the family." He is earning money to support the family.

And your mother? I'd like to know if she's also earning money to support the family.

I'd like to know if you're at home now.

Tell me, are you studying or have you already entered the workforce?

Let's revisit the title: "There is a feeling of disgust but you can't escape it. How do you face the person who raised you?" We must assess whether Grandma is truly the nurturer of the family of five.

I've made my point clear. If this is really the case, she will have to do it, and she will even become quite a strong person.

If she can't support and maintain your family, it's not going to work. Even a well-educated person would probably feel overwhelmed in such a situation, let alone an uneducated rural woman.

As a woman and a mother, I want to tell you: Grandma is amazing! But because of this, she has a strong desire to control things. And because she is limited by her knowledge and understanding, her understanding of people, of how to handle things, of health and happiness, and her education of the younger generation, there are bound to be deficiencies and even deviations. This is also the reason why you feel powerless and can't escape from it.

We understand Grandma's problems, but we don't necessarily agree with her. We can express our opinions in a gentle but firm way and show her with little results that we can be healthy and happy in the same way.

My child, you are a child with love in your heart. You are silently repairing the self that was lacking in your childhood! We see that despite the great problems in your original family, you still have the ability to love yourself and others. And you will succeed!

You will think, you will suffer, you will be weak, and you will feel sad about being powerless! Mental illness is not scary. It is also a kind of disease. You can control it by seeing a doctor, receiving treatment, and taking medication regularly. You can integrate into society, socialize normally, and live a normal life.

Read more, learn a skill, and become like your father. Be capable of supporting your family and put it into practice. Support yourself. Set a bigger goal: be able to support your elderly parents, support a small family of your own, and be a role model for your younger siblings.

We believe in you! We wish you well!

The world and I love you.

Hello!

I understand how you feel: "I feel powerless and disgusted."

Your grandmother was strong and controlling.

Grandma's strength is an advantage.

Grandma would have had a hard time surviving without being strong. Strong people feel in control.

We can't blame Grandma. Her character was shaped by her environment and perception.

This personality makes us less sensitive to happiness. It gives us wrong beliefs that are not suitable for modern life.

A set of fixed mental models has been formed.

Mental models are deep-seated attitudes. They influence our decisions and shape our outlook on life.

You need to change this sense of powerlessness. Break free from your aversion.

We need to change our beliefs.

A spider keeps climbing up a damp wall but always falls and has to start over. Three people see this.

The first person said, "My whole life is busy but I get nothing done."

The second person said, "This spider is stupid. Why does it crawl back the same way it came? There's a drier spot next to it, and it can climb up there." The third person said, "This spider has fought hard and failed many times, but it's admirable. I should learn from it and be brave enough to climb up there and not give up."

"

Three people thinking about the same thing from different perspectives will come to different conclusions. This affects their thinking and subsequent actions. The concept of mental models was first proposed by the Scottish psychologist Kenneth Craik. Peter Senge later defined it as: assumptions, logic, rules, etc., deeply rooted in people's minds. These affect their understanding, judgment, and actions in the world.

Mental models are the ways people understand the world. They affect how they think and act.

Read "Rebuilding Your Life" and "Reshaping Your Mind." They will help you.

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

On the one hand, you have the incredible opportunity to learn from her and create a healthy and happy life for yourself. On the other hand, you have the chance to support your loved ones and help them thrive. It seems that you're ready to take on a lot for her, and you're excited to face someone who raised you.

I've got some great advice for you!

It's time to learn how to separate issues! You don't have to take on your grandmother's issues, but you absolutely need to take on your own issues and take full responsibility for your own life.

Grandma has a strong desire for power. She has her needs and her emotions. She wants to control you, but you are an independent individual with your own needs and thoughts. This is an opportunity for you to learn to distinguish between her issues and your issues. You don't need to take on her issues, but you can learn from them. You don't need to take on her growth, but you can support it. You don't need to take on her issues, but you can learn to see your own issues.

So, how do you figure out who is responsible for what?

It's all about seeing who bears the direct consequences of that matter!

Let's say you want to work outside the area, but your grandmother doesn't want you to. She gets angry, scolds you, and blames you. But you know what? You can still go to work outside the area! It's your choice. And if you choose to stay by her side, you'll have to face the consequences. But you know what else? You can also choose to leave, and you'll have to face the corresponding consequences. But you'll also have the freedom to face challenges outside on your own, and you'll be able to bear her dissatisfaction and scolding. So, which path will you choose?

Absolutely! There are so many other options. You can let your mind wander and think about it. The most important thing is to see for yourself which outcome you are more willing to bear in the face of such a real situation, and then make that choice.

2. It's time to let go of any expectations or demands you have of them. You're ready to learn to be your own inner parent! This is how you'll truly become independent and free.

Ready to move towards ultimate independence and freedom? Let go of any expectations or needs you have of them! You may think you have no expectations or needs of them, but take a closer look. Why do you want to bear their suffering? What need does this satisfy? Is it their appreciation and recognition of you?

Or is it their respect and affection for you? Or something else?

These are your expectations and needs, and you hope to get the responses they give you. But here's the thing: you can't get what you want from other people. Even if you take on their suffering for them, you will still not be able to satisfy your own needs. And that's OK! It just means you need to learn how to love yourself.

As I mentioned earlier, if you take on their suffering for them, it doesn't necessarily solve the problem. They have to learn to grow on their own. If you do a lot of things for them, it will hinder their own growth. But here's the good news: you can change yourself! As the saying goes, "A single thought can change the world." There are only three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven.

People are troubled because they don't control their own affairs, but worry about other people's affairs. So if you hope to change them by taking on their suffering yourself, it will be difficult and will drain you. But there is a better way!

Absolutely! You need to let go of your expectations and needs for them, learn to satisfy your own expectations and needs, and be your own internal parent. The recognition, appreciation, like, and love that you hope they will give you, you actually have within you. When you can give these things to yourself, you will gradually be able to let go of your expectations of them and move towards independence and freedom.

And when you really take care of yourself, you'll have all the strength and energy you need to bring more positive influence to them!

3. It's time to discover what it means to truly love yourself and take good care of yourself! You don't have to compromise yourself to meet the expectations and needs of others.

A person who truly loves themselves will know how to respect their own feelings and not let themselves be drained by draining relationships. And that's something we can all learn and practice! Over the years, through my own insights and conclusions, I have found that we can learn and practice "loving ourselves" in the following five ways:

1. Loving yourself is not about pushing away the "bad self." It's about fully accepting the real self, the imperfect self, and embracing all of who you are!

2. Be your own "inner parent" and take full responsibility for your life! Don't pass the buck. Being your own inner parent is about embracing yourself completely. It also requires discipline and rules, which is being responsible for yourself.

3. Be your own inner child, face yourself truthfully, be frank with yourself, and don't be afraid to look at the "shadow" part of yourself. It's time to embrace your full potential!

4. Be your own best friend! Listen to yourself, empathize with yourself, encourage yourself, and support yourself.

5. Be your own partner, trust yourself, appreciate yourself, love yourself, and never give up on yourself!

We hope you find this information useful! Wishing you the best!

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

I appreciate your perspective. When dealing with an individual who is not a close relative or friend, it is often possible to maintain distance or avoid contact. However, in the case of family members, it may be more challenging to simply sever all communication.

1. A greater understanding of your parents can facilitate the gradual release of attachment.

In your unique family structure, Grandma has assumed a greater share of the responsibility and obligation for raising you and your two siblings.

Your father's primary objective was to provide for the family, and your mother's role in your upbringing was limited. This resulted in a strong desire for the love and care from your parents, which ultimately proved unattainable.

Human growth requires not only a material foundation, but also psychological satisfaction. This is in line with the findings of the book "Psychological Nutrition," which identifies the following key factors: the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, a sense of security, independence, and a sense of worth.

This psychological nourishment is mainly provided by our significant others (usually parents). During the growth process, Grandma became your significant other (approved by you).

Therefore, she is unable to provide the psychological nourishment you require. The term "sense of powerlessness" refers to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness resulting from unmet needs.

You are aware of the circumstances surrounding your grandmother and her inability to provide the desired support. However, your emotional state is such that you are experiencing a sense of dissonance.

It is important to accept and allow for the limitations of Grandma's role in order to avoid unrealistic expectations. Given her circumstances, it is unlikely that she will be able to provide the emotional support you require.

2. Provide your own strongest support.

At 26, you have already demonstrated independence and are fully capable of becoming your own significant other and providing yourself with the psychological nourishment you require.

As you correctly identified, self-love is a crucial ability. Genuinely loving yourself entails releasing obsessions and avoiding becoming enmeshed in the internal emotional turbulence.

By investing in self-love, you can access more powerful resources, such as reading and learning, to improve yourself and enhance your sense of inner strength.

You are now capable of achieving a psychological separation from your parents and grandmother.

Take the initiative to separate yourself from these external influences, assume responsibility for your actions, and make the necessary changes to become the best version of yourself.

The author's true story, as told in "You Should Be Like a Bird Flying to Your Mountain," details his experience of being separated from his biological family.

I recently viewed the film Last Holiday once more and believe it offers valuable insights. I hope you find it as beneficial as I did.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name] [Your title]

Should you wish to continue the conversation, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello. I can see you're confused. I'm Coach Yu, a Heart Explorer. Let's talk about this.

Let's talk about disgust.

As the saying goes, "love and hate grow together." Disliking someone may be because we see their strengths. There are two sides to everything.

The original poster wrote that Grandma was an uneducated rural woman who raised our three siblings and was the head of our household. She also wanted power and authority.

Ask yourself what you admire about Grandma. What do you like about her?

Why do you dislike her?

Think back to your childhood. Did you ever get what you wanted from your grandmother? Or did you always feel ignored?

This affects our mental state. Without learning to handle our emotions, we can only avoid them. As the questioner wrote, we can't learn from our grandmother to be healthy and happy.

Ask yourself what you think of your grandmother and what she brings you.

We can also ask ourselves what our ideal grandmother and family relationship would be. How can we achieve this?

Next, let's talk about acceptance.

Everyone has a dark side. People don't like it, and we don't like it either. We put on a mask and pretend to be someone else. We're tired of living like this.

I can love myself, but it's been drained over the years.

Be aware of your emotions. When you feel negative emotions like tension or anxiety, say "stop," take a deep breath, and watch them without judgment. Let the emotions come and go like clouds, and drift away like leaves in the water. Record your feelings.

Write about your feelings. This helps us understand why we feel this way and what we can do about it.

We can create a chance to talk with grandma. Thank her for raising you. Listen to her talk about her past. She may lack security because of her childhood or past experiences. She is afraid of losing control. You just need to be by grandma's side, listen to her, and slowly accept her.

Love yourself.

If you need help, find someone you trust to talk to. You can also see a counselor.

We can also try to be our best selves and find our own value. When you're strong, people will want to be around you and talk to you. You can also be more confident.

Recommended book: "Be Yourself"

Hello, question asker! My name is Rose, and I'm here to listen and support you in any way I can.

From what you say, I get the impression that you have a gentle and kind nature. This is a wonderful quality, and people with this trait are often known for their warmth and compassion.

I'm truly delighted to have this opportunity to connect with you here. It's a genuine honor for me.

Let's discuss this together and see what I can do to be of assistance.

1. When you mention your grandmother, you may experience a sense of powerlessness.

This is your true feeling, and it may also be the result of unconscious pain, which is why you feel a sense of powerlessness and disgust whenever you mention her.

Perhaps we could try to associate by closing our eyes and taking a few deep breaths in a quiet and undisturbed environment. We could recall the time when our grandmother stood in front of us and we felt powerless and disgusted.

Consider what thoughts, events, and emotions you recall from that time. Use your current perspective to reflect on what you would say to your younger self and what you would do differently.

You may find it helpful to do this exercise whenever you mention your grandmother, or whenever you want to make associations. It can be a way of healing the inner child from the past through your adult self.

2. Could you please share what feelings come to mind when you think of your mother?

In your text, you don't give any more specific opinions about your mother, just that she is not present in your emotional and spiritual life. Could I ask whether this means that she has not given you the love and care you needed to grow up?

You mentioned that your mother raised you three children, which suggests that you empathize with her struggles and difficulties.

You mentioned that your mother is "just an uneducated country woman." It seems you may be feeling a bit unsatisfied with your mother. It's understandable that you're looking for more from her, but it's also natural to feel a little inadequate when we have these expectations.

This may be a way of self-protection that helps you to relieve your inner anxiety and sense of shame.

I would like to reassure you that your feelings are normal and your needs are worthy of attention. You are entitled to mention your needs because each of us is worthy of existing and worthy of being loved.

You are a kind person, so much so that you would never intentionally hurt anyone. You believe that the world would be a better place if more people were kind like you.

3. You mentioned that you've been struggling to find happiness in your life despite your mother's education.

I empathize with you. Your feelings are valid and deserve attention. They indicate that you have needs and that you rely on your mother for love and guidance.

However, this is not the case, which causes you sadness. You are aware that your mother lacks education, which creates a conflict within you and leaves you uncertain about the best course of action.

I believe that while we cannot choose our parents, we are truly fortunate to have them. They bring us into this world and provide us with the chance to live a good life and experience all the goodness in the world.

It is important to accept this fact. It may be challenging, but doing so can help us to cope with it more effectively. When we accept this fact, we are less likely to rebel against it or to feel overwhelmed by it.

At the same time, we can also choose to view having parents in a positive light and be grateful that they chose us as their children.

It is also important to remember that we are adults now. In the past, our parents made decisions for us, but now we are adults and can take responsibility for our own lives. We have the right and ability to decide how we want to live and what kind of person we want to be. According to psychologist Adler, there is no such thing as trauma from the original family. What matters is how we perceive the original family.

In other words, when we view the original family in a meaningful way, we may gain a different upbringing.

4. You are kindhearted and capable of loving yourself, but you may have lost some of that ability along the way. It's understandable that you're unsure of how to treat your mother.

You are softhearted because you are a very kind person. You love yourself very much, but you are suffering for the sake of your mother and are deeply tired. It seems that you are also conflicted, which might be why you are suffering so much and don't know what to do next.

If I might make a suggestion, what I would like to say is:

First and foremost, each of us is solely responsible for our own lives. Loving ourselves is arguably the most important mission we can undertake. Therefore, it is crucial to prioritize self-care and well-being.

With regard to the mother, it is important to recognise that the way her life unfolds is ultimately her responsibility. While there are things we can do to support her, ultimately, she is the one who must navigate her own journey. It is therefore helpful to draw a clear line and to avoid getting involved in each other's lives in ways that might unintentionally impede her growth and self-discovery.

This may not seem like much, but it's a way of showing respect for each other's lives and the way they really are.

Secondly, it is not possible for us to heal the wounds of our original family. Before adulthood, we are nurtured by our parents, and this is also their responsibility. After adulthood, we need to separate from our families and live our own lives.

I believe that you should do your best to help your parents and be grateful for their nurturing love. It is also important to remember that the trauma of your parents is their business and that they should be responsible for it themselves.

Dear, the above is my opinion based on your situation. I hope it can be of some help to you. Thank you very much for meeting with me.

I hope the world and I can be of some help to you, and I wish you well.