This year, I'm 18. On one side is my future, on the other is my mother. How should I choose?

Good evening.

Your story has the appeal of the big city for you, an expansive vision for your future, and a reluctance to leave your family. From your statement, it is evident that you are conflicted about your future. You want to pursue opportunities in the big city, but you don't want to leave your mother sad.

Based on your statement, I would like to provide some suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

Firstly, I would like to discuss future job opportunities.

The opportunities in a small city are naturally not as great as those in a big city. Given that your father also has a stake in the company, it would be beneficial for you to come to Shenzhen for development. I am supportive of your idea of coming to Shenzhen for development.

There are numerous opportunities in major cities, offering the potential for significant career advancement. However, it is important to consider whether to rely on your father's connections in the city or to develop your own abilities.

If you possess the requisite capabilities, you can establish yourself in the company and secure your position. However, if you lack these capabilities, you will be eliminated. Even if you are the principal shareholder, work ability and management ability are essential for the survival of an enterprise. This company was not created by your father, and even if he did create it independently, he also has to consider the future of the company.

It is to be expected that the company will continue to grow and expand, and Xiaotang Company is a highly attractive employer for professionals from a range of backgrounds.

Before relocating to Shenzhen, it is essential to gain an understanding of the industry in which your father has invested and the opportunities available to you within the company.

Secondly, with regard to the divorce of your parents.

Your parents have been divorced for a number of years, as evidenced by your statement. Your father has remarried and has a daughter. Your mother is still single and runs a clothing store by herself. I am unaware of whether your father provides you with financial support, but from a perspective of paternal and maternal love, maternal love is typically stronger than paternal love.

He was reluctant to remarry, primarily due to concerns about the potential impact on you. He therefore raised you on his own, operating a clothing store independently.

Your father relocated to Shenzhen to pursue a fresh start, and he has since rebuilt his family and achieved career success. Conversely, he has a stable family and a thriving career, while you and your mother have experienced significant setbacks.

Your mother has lost her role as the family's primary financial provider, and you have lost your father.

Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the divorce, your mother has consistently been a reliable source of support. Consequently, regardless of the decision you make, it is imperative to ensure her continued involvement.

Your father has a family, children, and a career, while your mother is the sole caretaker of your wellbeing. She is understandably reluctant to leave you.

Third, regarding the matter you are currently grappling with.

You are currently interested in pursuing further development in a major urban center, but you are concerned about the impact this decision might have on your mother's feelings. I am confident that this issue can be easily resolved. Your desire to advance your career in a large city does not necessitate leaving your mother behind. You have the option of relocating to the city with your mother.

It is not uncommon for individuals to make decisions based on a limited perspective. I am unaware of your mother's willingness to relocate to Shenzhen, but I can confirm that you will be moving to a new location.

Your mother will accompany you wherever you choose to go.

I also recommend that you bring your mother to Shenzhen for professional development for the following reasons:

Your mother is your lifelong source of support and assistance.

Having your mother around will also provide peace of mind at work. When you encounter difficulties, you will have your mother by your side, without having to worry about your father and taking care of your younger sister. Your mother will provide spiritual support.

Furthermore, mothers should also visit the city to see what it has to offer. There is a possibility that he may find someone who cares for and loves her here.

As I grow older, I anticipate that I will become less attentive to my father's needs if I am away from home for extended periods. If I were to suddenly stop working, his life would likely become less fulfilling.

It is also beneficial to have a mother by your side when working away from home.

I hope you can find a way to achieve both objectives: to establish yourself in the big city and to provide for your mother so that she can enjoy a comfortable and carefree retirement.

Dear Questioner, Thank you for your inquiry.

After reviewing your inquiry, I understand the confusion and apprehension you are experiencing. Is that accurate?

1. Regarding emotional considerations.

The questioner, you are faced with a decision: whether to pursue your future or to remain with your mother. This has resulted in pressure, confusion, and uncertainty, as well as the fear of facing separation. Is this an accurate assessment?

It is probable that you are experiencing other emotions that you are not yet aware of. Therefore, it would be beneficial for you to sort through and deal with this part in order to gain a better understanding of your own emotions and to confirm that the choice you want to make is something you can handle.

I would like to present a tool that I believe will be beneficial for you: an emotional diary.

When faced with a multitude of emotions, it is essential to address them before returning to the matter at hand. This allows the rational side of the brain to make decisions that are more conducive to long-term growth and avoid any future regret or guilt.

2. Regarding the divorce and the current situation of my parents.

I am writing to inform you that I am resigning from my position at my mother's clothing store. My father has a company in Shenzhen that he has invested in. Given these circumstances, I believe the best option for me is to relocate to my father's place of business. While there are limited opportunities for growth in a small city like Qingdao, my mother is here, and I am reluctant to leave her. I informed her of my decision today, and while she initially agreed, subsequent discussions have revealed her reservations. I have been crying for two hours. My father has a daughter in Shenzhen.

Regarding the parents' divorce many years ago, how the father has remarried and has a daughter. In comparison, the mother is still single, and you are the primary source of support for her, correct?

Subsequently, your mother discloses her reluctance to let you go and that you have been crying for two hours. This information only serves to exacerbate your sense of guilt.

In light of these considerations, it is understandable that your decision may appear more challenging and onerous.

3. The relationship between a mother and daughter and the choice.

It is important to note that the bond between a mother and her daughter is often the strongest of all. In parent-child relationships, there is frequently an element of love and control.

When the loving component outweighs the controlling one, feelings of guilt are lessened, and the individual is able to develop and grow.

Your mother's previous divorce from your father and her subsequent decision not to remarry were her own personal choices. You, the questioner, are under no obligation to feel any guilt about this.

When you wish to advance your personal growth and development in a major urban center, it may evoke the challenging aspect of separation. The pain associated with this aspect is a sentiment that you and your mother have both experienced.

It is therefore important to recognise that the process of growing up is inevitably accompanied by the two topics of love and separation.

It is important to note that separation is not an indication of a lack of love, but rather a natural aspect of a loving relationship. If not handled effectively, separation can potentially lead to the emergence of controlling behaviors and relationships.

If the element of control is predominant over the element of love, it will result in adverse consequences.

As Ms. Satir, a family therapy counselor, once informed us:

Self-sacrifice is not a productive strategy. It creates expectations, pressure, and burdens. If expectations are not met, the result is not nourishment but poison, which creates guilt, resentment, and even hatred.

It is evident that when individuals sacrifice opportunities for self-development and growth to meet their mothers' expectations and demands, it can be detrimental. Conversely, when individuals choose to pursue their own lives, it demonstrates accountability for oneself and the success of one's mother's education.

In light of the above, any sense of guilt is unwarranted.

I hope the above answers are helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]