Today, hearing my mother say that I'm a failure, I'm heartbroken, how can I get rid of this feeling?

Hello! It's totally understandable to feel aggrieved and suffocated hearing your mother's comments. From your narrative, it seems that you actually disagree with the term "failure." I can imagine how her statement took you by surprise, so your immediate sadness was also due to the sudden blow and the big difference with your own perception.

We all have a pretty good idea of who we are, who our loved ones are, and how we all get along with each other. When this idea is challenged, it can be really tough to feel like you know where you stand. For you, starting your own business and being single may be your choices, or at least you are accepting of this state. When you heard your mother's comments, you felt rejected and belittled, as if a student who is working hard at their own pace suddenly received a "F" from an authority figure. You may have a lot of dissatisfaction and unwillingness in your heart.

It's also possible that you feel a bit left out because your mother might not see your needs and contributions the way you do. We all expect our loved ones to understand and support us, and to see our strengths. When your mother expresses opinions that differ from yours, it can feel like she's rejecting you, and you might not want to deal with her.

It's totally normal to feel like you've failed sometimes. We all do! The first step to getting rid of that feeling is to understand your current emotional state and how you view yourself and your life. If you have your own plans for starting a business, working, or getting married, remember that the comments or opinions of others (including your mother) represent their own ideas and personal needs. For example, the older generation will define a time frame for getting married and having children and regard it as a must in life, but the views of young people may be quite different. They can't define your value, so don't let them!

Next, you can have a nice chat with your mother. Let her know you heard her opinion, ask her if she's feeling anxious about your current situation, express that you heard her voice, then tell her your own thoughts. Be sure to tell her you hope to follow your own path and gain the understanding of your family.

And finally, you can look at your growth from a strengths perspective. Think about all the amazing things you've done and all the wonderful experiences you've had. Then, focus on the future you want to create, building on all your strengths and experiences.

Topic Master, the present situation is favorable. It is important to be grateful for the opportunity to interact with your mother.

After reviewing your description, I can discern your inner feelings of hardship, grievance, and even anger and helplessness. I extend my support and understanding to you.

Let's discuss this further.

1. Perceiving your emotions

In your description, you stated, "I overheard my mother and grandmother discussing my personal situation. They expressed concerns about my employment status, business endeavors, marital status, and perceived lack of success. I felt that my mother's views were misaligned with my own expectations." You assumed that your mother would have a positive perception of you, given the close relationship you share. However, her comments highlighted a discrepancy in your understanding of her perspective.

You are capable of handling any hardship on your own, but those closest to you should be your primary source of support. However, they are currently commenting on you as though they were outsiders. It seems as though the support behind you has been withdrawn abruptly, which is causing you to feel aggrieved and sad. Is that an accurate assessment?

It is important to note that you require support, understanding, acceptance, and respect. Additionally, you need your mother to tolerate and recognize you. Regardless of your current circumstances, your mother will consistently provide you with support, encouragement, and a unique perspective that differs from that of external parties.

It is understandable that you have expectations of your mother, and that when you hear her say this, your expectations are suddenly dashed.

2. Understand and accept your mother's perspective.

It is important to understand that there are limits to what your mother can say. This is simply the way society is structured. During the New Year and other holidays, people discuss a wide range of topics, from their careers to their homes, cars, money, families, and children. These discussions often revolve around the criteria for success in the world.

My mother did not learn to navigate the world on her own, and as a result, she tends to conform to the expectations of society. She often expresses these expectations to me, hoping that I will succeed in my career, establish a financial foundation, and maintain a harmonious family. In her mind, these achievements will validate her efforts and allow her to consider her life's work complete. While this perspective may seem harsh, it is a common one in our society.

It is possible that today, your mother will refrain from making any comments. However, there may come a time when you will hear someone close to you or a relative, friend, or neighbor make a remark about her behind her back.

It is important to understand and accept your mother's limitations and to express your emotions and feelings to her consistently. This will help her to become aware of her words and actions and enable her to make adjustments.

3. Initiate a new beginning.

Regardless of external opinions, including those of family members, self-evaluation is of primary importance. Agreement with these evaluations may result in internal discomfort.

If you have a well-defined plan, clear ideas, and a strong positioning within your industry, and you understand your goals, your actions, and how you plan to achieve them, then the opinions of others will not affect you.

It is important to accept that you have not yet achieved your goals. Use this time to identify what you need to do to adjust your plan and start again. It is not always necessary to achieve great success in your career or a happy marriage. Being able to be yourself, being healthy and happy, and living a good life is also a kind of success.

I hope this information is useful to you and I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou, your Heart Exploration Coach!

I totally get it! I've been pressured to get married before too, so I'm allowed to give the questioner a hug!

After reading the questioner's description, the questioner's attitude towards her mother may be: I thought I was different in my mother's heart, but I didn't expect my mother to judge me using worldly standards as well. This may make the questioner feel very sad. But there's no need to feel sad! The questioner may try to step outside the emotions and reflect on themselves:

Now, let's dive into the exciting world of starting a business!

Does starting a business that doesn't make a name for itself mean that it has failed? Absolutely not! It may be barely making ends meet, but if you're hoping to strike it rich, you probably won't. This may make your mother feel sorry for you for working so hard, but there's nothing she can do about it.

What are the chances of starting a successful business? It's a great question! To answer it, we need to break down the distribution of the working population. How many people are employed? How many people are starting a business? And how many of them are successful in starting a business?

Taking that first step is already much more remarkable than other steps you might take in life. It takes courage, planning, independence, and resilience. These are all valuable assets gained from life experience.

It's fascinating to see the natural differences between mothers and children in their attitudes towards career choices. Why do parents often choose popular industries and stable careers for their children? Because a stable life is a happy life!

Modern people have their own opinions and want to pursue freedom, independence, and so on. This is a difference between the two generations, and there is no right or wrong. The questioner may not have to feel sad—in fact, there's a lot to be excited about!

Now, let's talk about marriage!

The traditional thinking is: cultivate one's moral character, put one's family in order, rule the country well, and then the world. Starting a family comes before starting a business. This way of thinking has been around for thousands of years, and it's still a great way to live your life! The questioner doesn't have to follow it, but it's a great way to live.

My parents always say, "It is our duty to see our children get married and start a family." This probably represents the thinking of most traditional parents. It is not that they don't love their children; it's that they love their children in their own way, which their children may not understand.

Ask yourself: Are you single because you're an amazing catch who's waiting for the right person to come along? Or are you single because you're ready to find your perfect match?

There's a fundamental difference between the two situations, and it's an exciting one! In the former case, you get to figure out why your previous relationships failed and make adjustments accordingly. In the latter case, you're ready to settle for nothing less than the best!

The question asker's mother said that the question asker is of an age to get married, which is great! But is this age in the eyes of the parents, or is it actually a lot past the marriageable age? Distinguishing between subjective feelings and objective facts will help the question asker get back to the question itself, which is a great idea!

It's totally normal to feel sad when loved ones make misunderstandings or negative comments. Mothers have their own concerns and anxieties, too! And it's okay to feel sad or hurt when our actions make them feel that way. But guesswork is not going to help your relationship or make anyone feel good. So, why not try talking to your mother about your plans? She'll feel so much better when she has a sense of certainty!

~Tell her that if your business doesn't take off within a certain period of time, you'll return to the workforce and find a job. You can joke that you still have to support yourself after all. Try to give her a sense of certainty and excitement about your future!

Tell her that although you are not married, you have some exciting plans for your relationship! You could remain single, be selective, or even plan to get married in a certain year.

Mothers also need a sense of certainty so they can better understand the questioner's plans, which is a great way for mothers to understand and support the questioner!

The more people love us, the more they worry about us and the more they may dislike us. But there's a way around this! Try putting yourself in their shoes and communicating more often. This will help you strengthen your relationship with your mother!

I'm so excited to recommend these amazing books: "The Power of Empathy," "Burns' New Emotion Therapy," and "A Thought Turned."

Wishing you the very best!

Dear friend, I know you're hurting. It's normal to feel hurt and frustrated when family members, especially close ones, criticize you.

How you see yourself can be affected by what others say. Your mother's words may have shaped your self-identity, but that doesn't make them true.

Self-efficacy is confidence in your ability to complete a task. Your situation may involve a decrease in self-efficacy due to external evaluations.

Everyone's life is different. Success and failure depend more on personal values and goals than on what others think.

The thought "I've actually failed" challenges your sense of self-worth. When people's actions don't match their beliefs, they feel uncomfortable and try to change their perception.

You may accept your mother's comments as an explanation for your situation.

Your feelings are valid, especially when it comes to criticism from family. We can try to look at it differently.

Your mother and grandmother's words may reflect their concerns and expectations for you, even though they hurt you. Their opinions may be based on their traditional definition of success, but that doesn't mean your value is diminished.

We only see one side of someone's life.

Your value is not determined by others, but by your actions, understanding of yourself, and contribution to others. To help yourself, accept your imperfections. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and room for growth.

When you're ready, have an honest conversation with your mother. Tell her how you feel and how her words affect you.

Communication solves problems.

Think about your values and goals. Ask yourself what you care about.

How would you like to define success? Exploring your interests, passions, and values helps you build a stronger sense of identity.

Set your own goals and plans.

Your value is not in what others say, but in what you do, who you help, and how you face challenges. Your feelings and happiness matter.

Keep looking for ways to grow and feel fulfilled. You get to decide what success means to you and what makes you happy.

Hello, I'm listening to you.

Your two loved ones commented on your work and the failure of your marriage, saying that you are a failure as a person, which surprised and saddened you. Such comments made you feel that your previous efforts were being denied by them, and you therefore felt aggrieved.

If you don't succeed in starting your own business, it's not because you didn't try your best. It's just that things didn't work out the way you wanted them to. It can feel a bit like being suffocated when you're in that situation.

It's so important to recognize your limitations and accept them.

Starting a business and getting married are both full of uncontrollable factors, my friend.

1. We all know that entrepreneurship is a high-risk undertaking, and the probability of failure is high. It's so important to have a clear understanding of this, and to accept that the premise of entrepreneurship is the acceptance of the possibility of failure.

2. There are so many different things that can affect the conditions for starting a business!

Starting a business is a big decision! It depends on so many things, like understanding your customers, your product, pricing, sales season, competitors, and more. It's not a simple condition.

Marriage is about so much more than just one person. It's about the whole family!

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it's also a big step! It involves two people with different backgrounds, experiences, and values. It's only possible when both parties are willing to come together and embrace the journey.

Success or failure isn't something that can be determined by just one person.

Since it's out of our hands, we might as well accept it with an open mind. There's a saying that everything happens for a reason, and I tend to agree!

Hey there! I just wanted to suggest that you change your mind.

1. It's really helpful to distinguish between ideas and facts.

It's so important to distinguish clearly between ideas and facts. For example, not getting married.

It's true that no business venture is a guaranteed success. But it's not really a failure if you've tried your best. As long as you're open to learning and growing, there's no need to beat yourself up over it.

2. Give yourself more time to succeed!

You've made an effort and temporarily failed, but that doesn't mean you've failed forever. Looking at the timeline in the long term will bring unexpected gains.

Success or failure can't be decided in a snap. Life is more like a marathon than a race, where success or failure is decided in an instant.

3. Take a moment to reflect on the lessons you've learned from your current mistakes and look forward to all the wonderful things the future holds.

We all make mistakes, but it's so important to learn from them. If you can identify what went wrong with your business, you can avoid making the same mistake again. You've got this! You'll get better and better with time.

4. Be sure to really solidify your core!

Stay true to your beliefs, my friend, and don't let external influences sway you.

Come on, you can do it!

Hello! It's so common for parents to say things that hurt their kids' self-esteem without realizing it. The best way to handle hurtful comments from parents is to avoid direct confrontation.

I totally get it. It's so frustrating when your family criticizes you.

I know this situation can make you feel disappointed or doubt your own value. It's okay to feel this way. The root of these thoughts is that we care too much about how others perceive us.

If you think about it, you care more about how your mother treats you, and that's okay!

In different historical contexts, people have different ways of dealing with things and problems. But we all have the right to choose our own way of life and pace of life, as well as whether or not to get married and have children.

We all have our own lives and our own bright spots, and that's a wonderful thing!

If you want to get rid of that thought that you're a failure, you need to work on feeling good about yourself. You can try to distract yourself by doing something else to keep yourself busy.

Do things you enjoy!

You can set small goals to achieve a sense of accomplishment and gradually improve your self-confidence. It's so important to tell yourself, "I am valuable" and "I am doing a good job," and remind yourself of your own strengths.

It's okay to accept that you're not perfect. We all have our own little imperfections, and that's totally normal! Try to focus on the good things in life and find joy in the little things.

It might take a little time, but you can absolutely change your thinking patterns, get rid of negative emotions, and build a more positive self-image!

Wishing you all the best!

Dear questioner, I really understand how you're feeling right now, and I hope my reply can help and support you.

Your mother and grandmother are talking about you. You failed in your business venture, you're still single and no one wants you, and you don't have a job. You feel like a failure, your heart is bleeding, and you can't believe how your mother can see such a worthless person in you. After all, she is your dearest mother, and it's too hard for her. It's okay to feel this way. You are worthy of love and happiness.

In recent years, my mother has been holding back a lot of emotions inside, and she has no one to confide in. You are her only source of support. Talking to your own mother can really help you release some of those emotions and let her know how hard it is for her. But you take all this as fact.

Do you really think what your mom said is true? I don't think you're a failure, sweetie.

It's totally normal to be afraid to start a business. We all know how hard it can be! But having the courage to start a business is also a growth experience. Even if you don't achieve the results you want, you'll have experienced it and learned from your failures. Isn't this laying the foundation for success? Just look at Thomas Edison's story!

As the new generation, you have the courage to be your own master. Is it true that if you are not married, you are unwanted? You have high standards for yourself and are also responsible to others. Marriage has responsibilities and obligations. Not compromising and not blindly following the crowd is this not progress?

It might seem like your mom is blaming you, but really, she's just struggling with her own feelings. She wants to feel secure and worthy, and if her child is everything she wants, she'll feel really good about herself. So, she's really just attacking herself and feeling guilty and blaming herself.

It's so common for moms to feel helpless and powerless, whether it's because of a failed business venture or not being able to start a family. The general environment can be pretty tough, and people often have high expectations of themselves. It can be hard to find a balance between being bold and being yourself, and not caring about other people's opinions. But, this is precisely the progress of society! Be bold, be yourself, and don't worry about what others think. You've got this!

The thing is, the problem isn't the problem itself. It's the underlying need that's at the core. How you perceive yourself is the key. So, it's important to ask yourself: whose voice is that?

Who are you expressing for? You are your mother's subconscious. Do you agree with it? I'm not sure I do, but I'm curious to know what you think.

Being able to clearly recognize the problems in the present, facing difficulties head-on, and caring what others say about you? With a firm belief in yourself, comparing yourself to yourself, yesterday to today, and improving yourself.

Everyone has a different upbringing, and that's totally okay! Being able to make yourself happy and improve yourself is a wonderful ability. Whether the result is good or bad is not the key to success or failure. When difficulties are encountered, one should not shrink back, but face them head-on.

It's so important to remember that you can handle success, even when you're getting lots of applause! That's true success.

I wish you all the very best!

I extend my deepest sympathies to you for the unfortunate comments made by the OP's mother. It is understandable that such remarks would evoke feelings of sadness and frustration. However, it is crucial to recognize that an individual's worth is not contingent upon external validation, particularly not from a close associate who offers negative feedback. I offer the following suggestions with the hope of assisting you in moving beyond this emotional state:

Self-Affirmation: First, it is important to affirm your own self-worth. Everyone has their own unique strengths and abilities. Take the time to list your personal merits to remind yourself of your value.

It is also important to accept your own imperfections, as everyone has shortcomings and failures.

It is also beneficial to communicate with others. This can be done by speaking with a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. Sometimes talking to others can help you better understand and deal with your emotions.

They may provide encouragement and support, as well as a different perspective.

Set goals: Establish short-term and long-term objectives to provide direction and motivation. These goals may relate to areas such as study, work, sports, socializing, and so on, provided they align with areas where improvement or enhancement is required.

By working diligently to achieve these goals, you can gradually enhance your self-confidence and sense of accomplishment.

In conclusion, it is important to note that external opinions should not define one's self-perception. Individuals should believe in their capacity to influence positive change in their lives. Everyone has their own pace and approach to problem-solving. By demonstrating a willingness to work diligently, it is possible to overcome negative emotions and create a brighter future.

Good day. I am Bai Li Yina, the respondent in this inquiry. It is my hope that my response will provide you with a degree of warmth and assistance.

The questioner disclosed to me that she had inadvertently overheard her mother expressing the opinion that she was a failure. She was unaware that her mother would view her in such a negative light and experienced a range of negative emotions, including sadness, disappointment and anger. She subsequently lost the desire to communicate with her mother. How might she overcome this emotional state?

[Situation analysis]

Are you surprised to hear your mother use the pejorative term "failure" to describe you? You feel that your mother should be the one in the world who supports you unconditionally, and even she is saying this about you, so failure seems to have become a fact.

It is a particularly painful experience to acknowledge one's own shortcomings, particularly when the acknowledgment is made by one's own mother. In such instances, the pain may be perceived as being doubled. In light of this, it is important to provide a supportive and comforting response to those who are experiencing such difficulties. Let us now turn our attention to the underlying causes of this suffering.

1. Currently Unemployed and Unsuccessful in Starting a Business

2. You have reached the age at which marriage is typically considered appropriate, yet you have not yet found a partner with whom you wish to establish a marital relationship.

3. Your mother's disapproval of your current circumstances

[Questions to consider]

1. Please indicate whether you are satisfied with your current situation.

2. Does your mother wish for you to fail? If she believes you are failing at the present moment, is she preoccupied with concern and distress about you?

3. Please describe your current situation.

4. If you were never exposed to this discourse from your mother, would you not have internalized the notion that you are a failure?

[Recommended Method to Try]

Although definitions of failure vary, it appears that your current circumstances are less than optimal, encompassing aspects of work, personal life, and family. Consequently, the term "failure" is often used to encapsulate these unsatisfactory scenarios.

It is the utterances of those who are expected to offer encouragement and support that engender feelings of sadness. When the subject's mother spoke with her grandmother, she merely conveyed her concerns.

1. It is recommended that you attempt to communicate with your mother regarding the source of your anger. Refraining from communication will likely result in prolonged feelings of anger. Open dialogue is the most effective method for resolving conflict.

2. The true failure is when one experiences a sense of failure. All unsuccessful outcomes are merely transient. As long as one persists in their efforts, the ultimate outcome is not yet determined.

The crucial factor is whether you are still attempting to achieve your goal.

3. What is the one thing you most desire to change? What actions have you taken to achieve this goal? It is recommended that you discuss your plans with your mother in order to alleviate her concerns about your future.

It is my hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

It is important to note that change often requires a significant investment of time and patience. It is crucial not to succumb to worry or fear. It is a testament to the universality of human experience that many individuals have encountered or are currently grappling with similar challenges.

You are not alone in this endeavour. It is my sincere hope that you will soon find resolution to the challenges you are currently facing and achieve a state of personal comfort.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have expressed approval and provided feedback. I extend my best wishes for peace and joy.

It is understandable that the questioner feels aggrieved and uncomfortable. It is challenging for anyone to receive such criticism from their own mother. However, it is crucial to consider whether the questioner has ever questioned the rationale behind being "bound" by her mother's words. There is a deeper issue at hand that the questioner is not aware of, and it necessitates introspection to understand and resolve it. Once these underlying concerns are addressed, it is probable that the questioner's distress will be alleviated.

To illustrate, the questioner concurs with her mother's viewpoint and is attempting to articulate the insights she has gleaned.

With regard to the question of how to extricate oneself from this situation, once the individual in question has addressed the aforementioned questions, they will be in a position to generate new ideas. For instance, they may choose to accept that this is simply what their mother said and consciously separate her statements from their own self-perception, rather than internalising her views as their own. What their mother said represents her subjective perspective, and it is up to the individual to understand her statements and evaluate their own attitudes and behaviours in light of them.

The failure of the business venture and the lack of marriage are not indicative of any inherent deficiency. Rather, they reflect the absence of the requisite conditions for entrepreneurial success and the necessity for further reflection and the identification of an additional area of contribution. Furthermore, the institution of marriage is a two-person endeavour. These circumstances are objective and, while they may be influenced by an individual's abilities and character, it is neither reasonable nor appropriate to utilise these objective factors as a basis for evaluating an individual's worth.

The crucial point is whether the questioner is able to comprehend, accept, and embrace the authentic self that has not achieved success in business. When this is achieved, the current difficulties will cease to exist.

Hello, I'm Coach Yu from XinTan, and I'm thrilled to have this opportunity to talk to you about this fascinating topic.

Emotional perception is our amazing ability to recognize, control, and regulate our emotions. It's also a wonderful manifestation of emotional intelligence!

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun writes: Many people are unable to deal with things or emotions because they confuse feelings, emotions, and thoughts. But there's a solution!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of feelings! They are the physiological and biological responses of a person to external stimuli.

For example, if someone stabs you with a needle, you feel pain, which is a feeling; if the north wind blows in winter, you feel cold, which is also a feeling. And it's so interesting that feelings not only include responses to stimuli in the environment, but also responses to internal stimuli!

As the questioner wrote, today I heard my mother and grandmother talking about me: no job, failed business, no marriage. It's very hard, and it feels like my heart is bleeding. But you know what? I'm going to turn this around!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of emotions! Emotions are the incredible reactions people have to feelings.

For example, the surrounding environment is very hot, causing sweaty palms and an accelerated heartbeat. The emotion is the exhilarating rush of excitement or the frustration of annoyance felt when your body is very enthusiastic and your heartbeat is accelerating. Emotions and feelings generally respond through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, my own mother actually looks at me like this, which is very difficult, very aggrieved, and very suffocating. But it's also a fascinating insight into the mind of someone who knows me so well!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of thoughts! Thoughts are the incredible way our minds understand and interpret our feelings and emotions.

The amazing thing about thoughts is that they don't originate in the peripheral nervous system. They originate in the central nervous system, which is really fascinating because it involves understanding and interpretation.

As the original poster wrote, I don't want to deal with my mother, so how can I get rid of this feeling that I've failed?

Next, we're going to dive back in and re-examine this process to see if we can understand the process of our emotional changes, and then manage and express our emotions to solve this problem of emotional perception.

What are my feelings and thoughts when my mother and grandmother talk about my work, my entrepreneurship, and my marriage? I turned out to be such a failure, such a loser!

Absolutely! We can definitely ask ourselves if we communicated with our family when we chose to start a business. Did our mother support us?

Have you had the chance to chat with your mom about your thoughts on love and marriage? I bet she has some fascinating ideas! What are her expectations?

When my mother and grandmother said that I was a failure and no one wanted me, what were my feelings and thoughts? I failed in business because... I didn't get married because... You don't understand, I feel aggrieved.

In fact, we can try to ask ourselves: what is the need in our hearts that makes us feel uncomfortable? And what is the need in our hearts that makes us feel aggrieved?

Oh, I know! What is the need that makes me feel suffocated?

I'd love to know what my feelings and thoughts are when I think that my biological mother actually sees me in this way. I'm ready to move on from her, so what should I do?

In fact, we can try to ask ourselves what our inner needs are that make us want to ignore our mothers. What is my ideal mother like?

What can I learn from my past experiences to help me succeed in starting a business next time? How can I make the most of this experience to improve in the future?

This is why feelings, emotions, and thoughts are actually the coordination between the nervous system and the brain. When everything is working together smoothly, it brings inner peace!

It's so important to be aware of our emotions and to record what we're feeling in the moment. Your writing is just for you, so go ahead and write about your feelings honestly and openly! This will help us understand the causes and effects of emotions and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

We can have an honest exchange with our mothers! We can honestly express our thoughts, talk about our views on work and marriage, and some of our plans for the future. We can tell our mothers that we are willing to work hard to pursue a better life. We can also tell them that we hope they will continue to support us as always. We can listen to what our mothers expect of us. Communication is a great way to release our emotions and promote mutual understanding. It can also enhance the parent-child relationship!

Seeking help is always a great idea! If this thing is bothering you, it's totally normal to need a little help to overcome it. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

Absolutely! We should constantly explore the path of self-improvement and self-awareness. We'll discover our own unique value and construct a self-assessment system. When you have a stable core, you won't be overly dependent on others, nor will you care about what others say. You'll confidently show yourself and calmly face your family!

Life is a marathon! Temporary successes and failures are just a drop in the ocean of our lives. And while we can't always get what we want, we can choose to keep our hearts open and our spirits high. An ordinary heart is a calm confidence, and confidence is a firm ordinary heart. So, keep on going!

I'm so excited to recommend this book: "Know Thyself, Accept Thyself"!

My mother and grandmother think you're a failure. I'm Tianyang, a Heart Explorer coach. I'm sorry you feel this way.

Your mother's comments made you feel surprised, uncomfortable, and angry.

Why do you feel bad when your mother says this?

I think there are two reasons. First, your mother is your closest person, so it's hard not to judge her by worldly standards. Second, your mother's conversations about success, failure, money, work, and marriage have touched on your inner fears.

This is normal. It's hard to challenge the idea of success. This standard isn't universal, but many people are challenging it.

This worldly standard is a bit like the college entrance exam. It's not fair to determine everything with one exam, but the college entrance exam is relatively fair. It has formed a model where the college entrance exam is the main method, and other admission methods are also accepted.

Let's talk about why Mom's points are likely to affect you.

I want to be clear that these points apply to everyone. Most people will feel powerless when they hear them. This is normal. These are problems we will all face.

These points relate to money and marriage. The main thing is feeling secure.

Your mother is worried about your future. What if you don't have money or a family? She's already considered your feelings.

The question is still about feeling secure.

If you can plan ahead for possible future risks, you can feel secure.

How to stop thinking you've failed.

When we talk about "failure" and "success," we're talking about standards and comparisons.

For example, I have been unemployed since June and started a new career in sales in October. I don't have a basic salary or social insurance.

To most people, it's a failure because it lacks a stable income.

But I also have more time to spend with my child, pursue my hobbies, go for walks with friends, and think about my future. Life is good.

The road to entrepreneurship is not easy. It's courageous to start your own business. If you enjoy it, that's even better. People focus on the end result, but the journey is the most important part.

Start with these tips:

1) Change your views, see the good in yourself, and praise yourself daily. There are no failures, only failed views.

2) Plan your future. What do you want? What do you need? What can you change? Work hard to get what you want.

3) Talk to your mother about your views.

Today is the fifth day of the lunar year. I wish you a happy New Year with wealth and love.

Dear Question Asker, I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who utilizes visual imagery to facilitate understanding.

The questioner experienced negative emotions after hearing from her mother and grandmother about your current situation. We must ascertain whether it is challenging to accept that "I really failed" or "my mother thinks I have failed." Both of these ideas are evident in your concise description of the question, but it appears that you are more preoccupied with how your mother perceives you.

You indicate that your mother's venting with her mother is not objective. If you were in your mother's shoes, how would you view your current situation?

If her assertion is accurate, does it imply that you are not a successful individual according to societal norms? How did you perceive yourself prior to the discussion between your mother and grandmother?

In what way has the entrepreneurial spirit, which drove the decision to start a business and pursue independence, been compromised?

Perspectives on problems vary. Your mother likely cares more about your long-term relationship status. She hopes you will have a supportive partner. When she considers your business commitments may limit your attention to personal issues, she raises concerns about your potential for being "left alone." Perhaps, from her perspective, not getting married at an older age is seen as a failure.

In her time, it was the norm for most people to get married and have children in an orderly manner. She finds it challenging to comprehend the choices that young people make nowadays. She confides in her grandmother, who shares similar views, because she probably wants to be understood and accepted.

It is important to distinguish between her thoughts and your own in order to gain clarity and objectivity regarding your current situation. The example of an individual with the confidence to start a business being defeated by a few words from their mother serves as a reminder that you must be aware of whether your confidence is blind or firm.

If you examine the issue from a different perspective, you may discover that the ability to confront challenges directly is also a form of courage and a crucial aspect of an entrepreneur's journey.

Best regards,

This question really resonated with me because I had a similar experience just two days ago. It was about a parenting issue with one of my children, and my mother gave me the evaluation that I had "failed." She even repeated it several times when I was already emotional! I felt particularly overwhelmed at that time, as if I had been trying very hard to swim up from the bottom of the water, but my mother's evaluation suddenly dragged me downwards like a big stone. At that moment, I felt like giving up all my efforts, very frustrated, very upset, and there was also some anger that I couldn't express.

From a realistic point of view, I did "fail" pretty badly, and it seemed like I didn't even have a reason to argue.

When I was feeling really down, I used some of the psychology I had learned to help myself feel better.

First of all, I realized that this strong sense of failure comes from the fact that for many years in the past, during our growth, our mother was our mirror image. We always hoped to get our mother's attention and affirmation, but because of the personality and limitations created by the growing environment of the previous generation, we have never been able to get unconditional positive attention from our mother. Instead, over time, all kinds of negative feedback from our mother has been internalized and turned into our self-evaluation and self-doubt. When I heard my mother's comments come out, it was as if I instantly returned to that little helpless self of mine.

But after growing up for so many years, I am no longer that child who had to rely on my mother. I think you and I are the same. We have experienced a lot and grown up a lot since we left our original families. There are many parts that even my mother has not come into contact with and that she cannot understand. We have worked hard and have become such experienced and powerful people! Do we still need to rely on my mother's standards to evaluate ourselves?

At that time, I learned to manage my emotions and adjust my communication style. I tried to explain to my mom that I had studied hard over the past year and had achieved some results, but when I told her about it, she said she didn't understand. I've thought very rationally about my future and made plans. I haven't yet achieved my goals, but I'm learning from my experiences and making adjustments.

I arrange my own life and I am responsible for myself. I don't feel that I need to follow other people's standards of success, and I'm okay with that!

I really love my mother, and I believe she loves me very much too. It's just that their way of thinking, their beliefs, and their approach to life do not give us support or strength. It's really sad, but there's nothing we can do about it. This is the truth, and it would be very difficult to change them. But we can still find a different way to get along and communicate!

After taking a step back and looking at things from a different perspective, have I really failed? Have I let my mother's comments get the better of me?

Have I decided that I haven't really achieved anything? I took a look at the things I felt I hadn't quite succeeded at yet and thought about why that might be.

I bet you've thought about these reasons lots of times, too! It'd be really helpful to take a step back and look at them more objectively, accept them, and gain some experience. I also found it really useful to sort out the things I feel I have done well, and to discover my own strengths.

In these arrangements, I tell myself, "I'm not perfect, and I don't have everything I want, but I did it! And there are also good things."

I'm so happy to share this sentence structure with you because I think you'll find it really helpful. It can be used in so many practical ways and it's a great method of self-analysis and self-empowerment.

I wish I could give you more detailed advice, but I don't know all the specifics of your situation. I can only share my own thoughts from that time, in the hope that they'll be helpful. I really hope things work out for you!