Unbearable, I barely managed to chat with the other person before I couldn't take it anymore, and when I ended the conversation, the other person suspected me.

Good morning, host.

I empathize with your situation.

If I may, I would like to share an experience from my life that I hope will help you to understand my perspective better.

I have two long-term friends with whom I have been friends for more than a decade. On one occasion, I drove them to an appointment, and the line to get in the building was rather lengthy, resulting in our arrival only at noon. Apart from feeling hungry, I was also experiencing back discomfort.

When one of my friends said that they were going to walk to a nearby restaurant for dinner, I told them that I would prefer to stay in the lobby to rest.

My friend looked at me with a hint of disappointment. Over the years, our interactions have been like this: if someone has an activity proposal or needs my cooperation but doesn't get a positive response, they often try to persuade me until I give in.

This time was no exception. First, she said I couldn't go hungry, and I said it was fine if I wasn't hungry. Then she said the other friend also had to eat and should eat together, and I said I was fine waiting here with you. Then she said it was natural for my legs and back to hurt after standing for so long, and it wasn't a big deal. After that, she said even if I was in pain, there was no need to be so fussy, blah blah blah... In the end, I couldn't convince her (the other friend did express that she was also very hungry and wanted to eat lunch), so I went with her.

Upon returning to the office after the meal, Ta kindly offered some advice, reminding me that an old friend like Ta would not blame me for declining to eat together. However, he also pointed out that if someone who didn't know me well saw this, they might think there was something wrong with me. These words were spoken for my own good, to let me know that my words and actions were inappropriate and unbecoming, and that I needed to be more careful in the future.

I recall being silent at the time because I was unsure of any further justifiable reasons to argue for the correctness of staying alone in the lobby to rest.

Could there be a similarity between the host's experience and my experience? The difference is that you are more perceptive than I am. You asked, "Did the other person feel like having a chat? Normally, they shouldn't have asked me what was wrong, should they?"

I appreciate that you've taken the time to reflect on this and ask the question, which shows you're more thoughtful than I am.

Your question shows that you understand relationships are a two-way street and that both people have responsibilities in them. The other person wants to chat with you, while you want to rest. These are different needs.

It would be beneficial for the other person to take responsibility for their own needs. This could involve asking your wishes and inviting you to continue to join, while respecting your right to choose and being prepared for rejection.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that the other person may have only done part of it and not the other part. It seems that they "invited" you to continue, but did not ask for your wishes, and did not intend to accept your refusal.

It's also worth noting that the other person has made the assumption that you're not willing to chat with them because you've refused, and that they're not going to talk to you anymore. This is a rather crude judgment about your wishes, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and disappointed by their response to your refusal.

It seems that the other person is not particularly curious or respectful of your wishes. Rather than choosing to believe that you are not feeling well, they have inferred that "not feeling well" is an excuse for not wanting to chat with them.

If I might suggest another way of approaching the question of what you should do, it would be to ask yourself the following:

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether there might be a possibility that you have only done part of the relationship and not the other part. For instance, if you are not feeling well but you go ahead and agree to go to a chat with your friends without telling them, what kind of message might that send to them? And if you refuse from the start, what kind of feeling might that give to your friends?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whose need this is. If it's your need, it might be worth trying to convince your friends that you're really not feeling well and not making an excuse.

You may feel that your friends don't believe you when you say you don't feel well. It's understandable if you feel this way. But it's also worth asking yourself whose need it is to be understood and believed.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whose needs are being met and who is responsible for them. It's possible that your friend's decision not to invite you to chat is based on their own needs, which you may not be aware of. If you feel this is the case, it might be worth exploring ways to satisfy your own needs, for instance by suggesting a chat yourself instead of passively waiting for them to invite you again.

Could I ask you to check whether they have not invited you now because they are convinced that you do not want to chat with them? Would you be so kind as to ask them what happened to them not inviting you?

It might be the case that some of them believe you were simply making excuses to leave, but does that necessarily mean that they truly want to end things?

? Furthermore, it might be helpful to consider the following question: Do you truly need to chat with them?

Perhaps we could consider another question: why do you need to chat with them?

If I might offer a suggestion, I believe it could be helpful to consider my own little tip here as a guiding principle for finding an answer. It is also a principle that I have always adhered to.

It might be helpful to consider whose needs are being met and who is responsible for them.

I hope you can find the answer that is right for you.

P.S. I hope you don't mind me sharing that I recently made a compromise and went to dinner with a friend. I've come to realize that I didn't take care of my body as well as I could have when I didn't insist on staying in the lobby to rest.

I must admit that I no longer accept any invitations to activities from this friend.

I would prefer to be on my own for the time being, as I can lie down and rest whenever I need to. This morning, Ta, who I hadn't spoken to in six months, called to ask me about a confusion he'd encountered, and I was happy to answer.

After hanging up the phone, I still feel that going out with Ta for activities together might not be the best use of our time, given what I've learned recently.

That's all for now. I hope the world and I can continue to love you.

Hello! I can see you're distressed, and I understand how you feel.

Take a moment to give yourself a hug!

You care a lot about how others in a relationship feel, just as if you were not feeling well yourself, you force yourself to chat with others, which only makes you feel worse. So you can ask yourself, why do you have to put up with the discomfort and force yourself to chat with others, and what would happen if you didn't?

What are you concerned about?

Then, after chatting for half an hour, if you can't continue because you're not feeling well, it's perfectly normal to stop. But you'll think about what others think, and you think they'll think you're making excuses to end the chat and ignore you.

First, why do you think others think that way? Is it just your guess?

Or is it what the other person says? We often guess what someone else is thinking or feeling based on certain words or actions, but that might not be the case.

Second, even if it is really as you think, why do you care? This is another area where you need to do some self-reflection.

If you keep considering others in a relationship but don't get the understanding you're looking for, is it really worth your effort?

You don't pay much attention to your own body or feelings, but you're always thinking about what the other person needs and worrying about what they think.

So, it's important to understand yourself and your needs in relationships. Do you want to be liked and recognized by others? Or do you want to understand your fears in relationships, such as the fear of being rejected or disliked, or the fear of embarrassment or exclusion?

When you're not feeling well, you can decline at the outset. When others ignore you, you don't have to worry about what they think. What you really need is to learn to love yourself and care about your feelings and thoughts.

I'm Mingyang, and I want to say that I love you, the world!