University female student, suddenly isolated by roommate, how to get along with roommate?

Hello, questioner. Meeting someone in person is like meeting their words. I can tell from your words that you're worried about relationships and afraid of repeating the past. I'll explain my point of view, and I hope it helps.

You said you compare A to others and hope she's not as good as you. I'd like to bring up social identity theory.

Social identification is made up of three parts: categorization, identification, and comparison. Categorization is when people put themselves into a certain group. Identification is when people think they have the same qualities as other members of that group. Comparison is when people think about how good or bad their group is in comparison to other groups.

People can raise their self-worth and self-esteem by comparing themselves to others. This is normal, so there is no need to worry.

Comparing yourself to others makes you stronger and helps you fit in.

College is a transitional stage. When you enter society, you'll face more of this kind of behavior. You need to understand yourself and recognize other people's attitudes.

The questioner is aware of themselves, and I approve.

Good luck!

I love you, world.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi, and I'm excited to get to know you better!

From your description, it seems that the relationship problems in the college dormitory have given you the chance to grow and learn!

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It's inevitable that you'll have conflicts when getting along with others.

First of all, it's totally normal to have such problems. After entering university, you get to adapt to this kind of group life, which is also an amazing adaptation stage for you to connect with social life.

We in the university dormitory may not have much experience socializing with others, so we have the exciting opportunity to learn and grow by expecting our roommates to behave in a way that is similar to that of family members.

In dormitory life, from the initial unpleasant experience to the current adjustment, it is a great thing and a kind of growth. It allows us to see what kind of person they are and get to know them better, which is really exciting!

Let's dive into the exciting world of relationships with people!

Everyone in our lives plays multiple roles, and it's so interesting to see how different roles have different social responsibilities! It's a great opportunity to learn about the relationships with different people.

For example, the relationship with roommates is literally about living together under the same roof. This is a great opportunity to find the perfect person to be a family member and the perfect person to be a neighbor! All you have to do is find the right person for each role, without any high expectations or low desires.

If you're a friend, then be the best friend you can be! And if you're a relative, then be the best relative you can be!

Be the best classmate you can be! Don't confuse the relationship.

Wishing you the very best!

The main problem is good!

It's so important to remember that feeling isolated can hurt people deeply.

"I myself am also at fault (for example, closing the door too hard, waking up early, joking at the wrong time, etc.)." You have the wonderful quality of introspection, so you don't need to worry about being mentally abnormal.

Roommate A, as you mentioned, took advantage of your honesty and trust.

From this person, you can learn some valuable lessons! It is difficult to draw the bones of a dragon or a tiger; you can't tell what someone is really like just by meeting them. Sometimes you need to be careful what you say, and you need to choose your audience carefully.

It's been more than a year, and you've made incredible progress in your relationship with your roommate! Your self-awareness and action have helped you so much.

It's been more than a year, and you've made incredible progress in your relationship with your roommate! Your self-awareness and action have helped you so much.

The great news is that even if there is no roommate A today, or if someone else appears, a series of interpersonal events will point out the issues in your heart that need to be repaired.

Take a look at how you were a year ago and how you are now! You'll see how much you've grown in dealing with problems.

Comparisons like "she is not as good as me" come from the social evaluation system. But people have different aspirations and different aesthetics, and of course they must first understand what is beautiful and what is ugly – and then they can start to appreciate the beauty in others!

And there's more! Some folks are spreading ugly-bashing and profit-seeking content on TikTok.

As long as you can live the life you want and be rich inside, who cares who gets a few more points on their grades, who gets a bigger salary in the future, or who gets a higher rank?

Most people envy the lives of others, but are reluctant to really switch lives. But here's the thing: only you know what kind of life suits your personality!

Good morning.

It is difficult to determine whether friendship is a matter of good fortune or an unfortunate coincidence. What is clear, however, is that the durability of a friendship depends on mutual respect and understanding, even in the face of challenges.

In the event of feeling betrayed, it might be worth considering whether it would be appropriate to respond in a similar manner.

In a friendship, the other person can act as a mirror, reflecting our own emotions back to us. Simple feelings like joy, anger, sadness, and happiness can provide insight into our inner feelings. Such feelings can generate deep empathy between us, which in turn draws people closer and generates ultimate trust.

When there is a lack of empathy, it can lead to more disagreements, which may eventually erode trust. When trust is broken and betrayal occurs, it is important to remember that everyone is an independent individual with their own thoughts and feelings. Therefore, it is not always accurate to assume that a difference is automatically a betrayal.

It would be beneficial to first identify the root cause of the conflict in order to resolve the misunderstanding. It is also important to note that the approach of "an eye for an eye" is more of an emotional outburst that is out of control and not genuine.

How might we begin to understand the "abnormal" behavior of a friend?

If the friend is a young person who has already entered society, her actions may be perceived as misguided and based on harmful concepts. It's important to remember that friends don't need to resort to negative actions to be unable to be friends with each other. It's also crucial to recognize that this behavior is immoral and indecent, and it's a side of her contradictory personality. Under normal circumstances, everyone hopes that the memories of the past are beautiful and will not recklessly smear the beautiful memories.

How might one navigate a roommate or friendship in a way that is mutually respectful and supportive?

It would be beneficial to establish healthy psychological boundaries.

It is natural to feel a sense of community with friends, who are often close to us. However, it is important to maintain psychological boundaries, even with those we are close to. Joking around and teasing is understandable and forgivable, but deliberately spreading rumors and slander is an infringement on one's reputation and a lack of respect for the individual. It is helpful to promptly stop the other person's actions or to kindly warn them to deal with it.

It would be beneficial to surround yourself with individuals who align with your values and goals.

In college, there are many new people to meet and get to know. It's natural to form friendships with those who seem similar to us at first, but it's important to be careful about who we let into our inner circle. The original poster's situation is similar. At first, we all feel the need to "huddle together for warmth," but once we've safely navigated the most insecure time, we "cross the bridge after we've crossed the river." This is not the way of "benevolence." It's also important to be mindful of our words and actions, especially when they're not aligned. We should strive to be discerning and fair.

It might be helpful to learn from your experiences and set sail again.

While life is full of challenges, every setback offers valuable lessons and growth opportunities. By approaching problems dialectically, learning from experience, and striving for self-improvement, we can create a brighter future for ourselves.

It is only natural to feel the urge to retaliate internally and experience emotional imbalance when stimulated again. However, it is important to remember that we do not need to become a slave to our emotions. After calming down, treating the situation correctly is a sign of high self-esteem.

I wish you the best!

Dear questioner, I'm Peilü.

First of all, I'd like to give you a hug.

? Interpersonal conflicts with roommates

——Data Interpretation——

The original poster said that she had been isolated by her roommates. Apart from her own reasons, what was more important was that her roommate A, who was teasing her along with the others, instigated the situation, causing tension with the other roommates. Being isolated feels very bad, and I think what hurts you more is being betrayed by someone you thought you could trust.

This incident has left you feeling uneasy.

Even though I'm now on better terms with my roommate and things are pretty good with A, I still have some negative feelings about her. I guess I'm still subconsciously comparing myself to her and hoping she's not as good as you.

From what you've said, it's clear you've already thought about what happened and feel bad about how you've been thinking. I just want to say that it's normal to feel this way and that you're a great person. It seems like this has really affected you mentally.

I'll give you a hug.

Let's look at the reasons why.

University is a bit like a training ground for the real world. Apart from classmates, you'll probably interact with your roommates more than anyone else on campus.

A lot of people from different places live together to study. They all have different backgrounds, personalities, and values. It's only natural that there will be some conflict and friction in this situation.

From what you've said, it seems like you've gradually warmed to your housemates. This shows that you've reflected deeply on this incident and reassessed your housemate A. You believe that she was more at fault for leading to this incident of isolation. This betrayal has made it difficult for you to trust her. You equate her with the incident of isolation, and her presence always seems to remind you of the hurt you once felt. To avoid feeling anxious and afraid, you've set her as your "imaginary enemy." You hope to overcome your "fear" (of being hurt) by "defeating" (being better than) her.

This is an instinctive defense mechanism.

Just my two cents:

It's important to accept and forgive.

We all make mistakes and learn from them. Nobody can guarantee that they'll get everything right all the time. Accepting your own weaknesses makes it easier to understand others, learn to forgive yourself, and then you'll know how to forgive others.

It's important to show respect and reflect on things.

Respect is the foundation of good interpersonal relationships. It's not just about what we say and do, but also about how we feel.

Respecting everyone's psychological boundaries is key to maintaining good interpersonal relationships. Don't be afraid of conflicts. What matters is how we handle setbacks and difficulties. If we can reflect on them, communicate in a timely manner, and understand each other, we can solve problems.

Be as hard on yourself as you are on others and forgive as readily as you would like to be forgiven.

I'm excited to see a gentler and stronger you in action!

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I love you, and I think the world would love you too if it knew you.

Once friends have become enemies, it can be extremely painful, but it also presents an opportunity for growth and change. You and a roommate were once very close, and you even complained about each other's negative traits to each other. But then you met the wrong person, and this person betrayed you and revealed a lot of your secrets.

It makes you feel so bad. You can't even hold your head up in front of other people! She just keeps on going and going, fanning the flames and adding fuel to the fire. This is a very bad personality, and this kind of person who changes sides may do the same betrayal to someone else in the future.

It is already very bad to be betrayed by your own good roommate, but you can turn this around! You have already reflected on the things you have done and there are some things that can be improved, so this is an adjustment you can try to make.

Make some changes in the areas of closing doors loudly, getting up early, and making inappropriate jokes. This way, you can still be true to yourself, no matter what your roommate says about you! I truly believe that discerning people can still see that you are a righteous and loyal friend.

Your inner self still resents her, but you can let that go! We still have a lot to do, but you can do it! The other person betrayed friends and fanned the flames, but you can move on from her. There are many hidden problems at the personality level, but you can work through them. There is no need to dwell on her anymore, so you can move on to bigger and better things! You can try talking to a psychological listener or a heart exploration coach about some of your concerns. Best wishes!

ZQ?