Unstable emotions, a lack of inner security, feeling perpetually anxious?

Extroverts can really benefit from socializing!

An introvert can really benefit from spending time alone.

It's not always about what's in the spotlight in social circles. That's not the best way to measure success.

Everyone has their own pace and their own way of adapting to society, and that's totally okay!

It's so common to want to change our parents. We want to feel in control and for our parents to live their lives the way we want them to. But it's also so important to remember that what we want is not necessarily right or good.

We can't change them, but we can influence them, just like the wind blowing the willow tree. If the wind uproots the tree, it'll cause harm, so let's not do that! There must be something in their behavior patterns that benefits them.

It's like the beggars. They've given up so much, but they still have the hope of making money. And that's enough for them.

I know it can be tough, but with regard to your boyfriend, if you don't open up, no one can get inside you. I know your past experiences and family aren't the kind of happy family template with well-off parents and a harmonious relationship, but they have also taught you to live independently, and that's a good thing!

We can't change the past, but we can change the future! That's why you're feeling so anxious about whether you can control the future.

But you know, the future is always a bit of a mystery. And the only time we can truly live well is right now. If we live well in the present, the future will surely turn out well.

If you can accept the worst outcome, you'll be so much better off. Just imagine if the boy doesn't accept your family. The worst thing that could happen is a breakup, but you can find another love.

If he can accept that not everyone gets a happy ending, then I wish him the best of luck!

It is fair to say that young people nowadays face a number of challenges. They often have to contend with high work pressure, fierce competition, financial pressure and the responsibility of supporting their parents. These are issues that the post-90s and even post-00s generations have to navigate. For only children and families with few children, this pressure can be even greater.

Perhaps it would be helpful to view this as a challenge rather than a psychological problem. When we face overwhelming pressure and lack the support we need, it's understandable that anxiety can arise.

I believe that your loneliness is a form of courage that motivates you to take on more responsibilities. However, it's important to remember that we all have a responsibility to take care of ourselves first.

Your parents also need to take care of themselves, and your younger brother also needs to take care of himself within his abilities. While it is true that taking care of the family and taking care of young children is supposed to be the responsibility of the parents, it seems that in your family, you have taken on these responsibilities. So, to be precise, your family needs to share responsibilities and support each other.

It's understandable that you might feel the need to meet your parents' expectations. They may even make you feel that they cannot afford the responsibilities of the family and cannot take care of your younger siblings. Have you ever considered that you could also give them the opportunity to be good parents and take on the responsibilities of parents?

It might be helpful to focus on taking care of yourself, establishing clear boundaries, and sharing responsibilities. This could create more space for your own life.

Hello, questioner!

Let's go over the issues you brought up:

You recently graduated from university and are currently working away from home.

You don't have any social difficulties, but you prefer to be alone.

You seem to lack a sense of security, and you can't sleep for small things.

I feel like I'm carrying too much for my family, and my parents are unable to help.

You want to educate your younger brother well, but you're not seeing the results you're looking for, which is making you feel tired and discouraged.

You met a guy you get along with, but you're afraid to tell him about your situation, which is causing you some anxiety.

From what I can see, you're a smart, caring, family-oriented, good girl.

You have a few minor problems, and because of family reasons, you have a little inferiority complex, which causes anxiety. If you can change your attitude, you can alleviate this.

Right now, your main source of fatigue is still your younger brother's education. You're feeling unsure about your abilities because you're not seeing the results you want. When you add in your parents' inability to contribute, it makes you feel like you're the one supporting the whole family, which is overwhelming.

You're ready to pitch in and take responsibility for your family. But while you're helping out, don't forget you're still an individual.

So, it's important to take care of yourself before you can help others. As the ancients said, when you're successful, you can help the world; when you're poor, you can only help yourself.

As you can see, the ancients were pretty wise, and they were also big names in psychology.

Prioritize, tackle your mental challenges, and when you're ready, you can turn your dreams into reality and support your younger brother and parents.

You think your family is poor and that your parents can't give you a sense of security. This makes you feel that only a strong inner sense of security is reliable. When external security is lacking, people must build up a sense of security from the inside out to meet their own growth needs. Before this sense of security from the inside out is established, you will encounter the problems you are currently facing, such as insomnia over trivial matters.

You're not very social and you're not very open with others, for example you don't post on your friends' walls.

So, the issues you're facing are totally normal during this stage of your development. I wouldn't recommend reading any books on human nature or psychology at this point.

I really think you should try spending some time every day communicating with yourself and having a dialogue with yourself by paying attention to your breathing. When you're feeling anxious or having trouble sleeping.

Once you've got the hang of it, you'll feel more confident and in control of your emotions. You'll get the results you're looking for.

We want to help you figure out what's going on for you, work through your emotions, and grow as a person. We often refer to this as "helping people to help themselves," which is basically about helping you grow.

In the Q&A Hall, we also tend to rely on humanistic theories.

I'm here to guide you, and I love what I do.

Hello, landlord! I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch. It's tough being a landlord at your age, with all the challenges and responsibilities that come with it. But you've got this! I'm here to give you a big hug and cheer you on.

You are a very warm and responsible person, and I'm excited to share some tips that I think will really help you!

Embrace it! Face your loneliness head-on with a positive attitude.

Loneliness is something we all experience at one time or another. But you can conquer it! All you need is a little strength and courage. First, let's define loneliness. It's simply the frustration that arises from the gap between our inner need for interpersonal interaction and the reality.

As we grow older, we have the opportunity to embrace a new sense of solitude. While we may have been too preoccupied with fitting in as children, we can now focus on our own unique selves. We can learn to value our individuality, not worry about our status or image, and let go of the need to seek external validation. By doing so, we can create a sense of inner peace and a closed mentality that allows us to thrive.

A sense of loneliness can easily arise when the desire to be truly understood by others is not met. But there's a solution! 2⃣ Appropriate self-evaluation, neither humble nor arrogant

The good news is that interpersonal communication really requires both enthusiasm and skills. The bad news is that some people lose friends, make enemies, and damage their own image because they haven't found the right communication skills, thus developing a sense of loneliness. But there's hope! You can avoid this fate by paying attention to your own emotional and affective disorders.

The good news is that you can take control of your emotional and affective components to improve your interpersonal interactions. When you do, you'll feel more connected and less lonely. 5⃣ Pay attention to your surroundings.

Embrace new environments and experiences! Don't linger in places that make you feel lonely and uncomfortable for too long.

You can try talking to your parents more about your state. It's a great way to show your family you care about them! We all want to support the people we love and care about, and parents are no exception. Having a healthy sense of dependence can give parents a sense of accomplishment, allowing them to still experience self-worth in raising their children.

Your parents are also excellent parents who understand you and are considerate. They're great!

Record your life and make some great "human capital investments"!

I have no doubt you're already doing a fantastic job when it comes to socializing! The essence of interpersonal relationships is the exchange of interests. When you have resources and are of use to others, it's a win-win! Everyone will be eager to please you and hope to profit from you.

If you want to take the initiative in interpersonal relationships, you must improve your core competitiveness. You are the sycamore, and the phoenix will come to settle! Socializing is not about relationships, but about the way you handle them. The right amount of socializing can improve our problem-solving abilities to a certain extent.

From the perspective of the theory of the rewards of attraction, people prefer those who give us rewards or are related to rewards. And guess what? Socially anxious people can refrain from deliberately catering to others, but they must know how to exchange favors!

Open your heart, record the dynamics of life, and discover the little blessings around you! It's a rare kind of beauty. Treat some socializing as a human capital investment. Every foundation you lay for your future self will pay off!

For the lucky guy who is with you, you should definitely share your feelings with him! Don't worry about other people's disapproval. Those who care about you will be there to help you solve problems and work towards a common vision together!

Give the hostess, a girl who thinks a lot about her family, a big hug! I can see that you are worried about a lot of things.

"Share the family's worries."

"I worry about my younger brother. I feel like I'm shouldering too much. My parents are unable to do it, but I want to raise him well."

Even when she's having a good chat with a guy, there's still an element of worry.

"I've never been able to tell him about my current situation, and I've always been so anxious."

The original poster knows her situation all too well: "I feel like I'm carrying too much for my family." It's so hard to stop worrying like this!

As a result, they don't live as happily as they could, feel lonely, and are tired.

It's so common to meet girls like this in life. It's as if women are born with a deep gene for family tradition!

Work hard for the family, relieve the worries of those around you, report only the good news, and carry all the difficulties yourself.

I just want to say, when you love someone, it's so important to love yourself too. If you're happy, it'll make others happy too!

There are three kinds of things in the world: God's things, other people's things, and your own things.

We can only be responsible for our own affairs, sweetheart.

Even if it's family, it's still "other people's business."

It's so important to remember that you can only influence and empower the affairs of others when you've taken care of your own.

So, why do we always put the affairs of our parents and family before our own?

First, it's related to our culture. Filial piety is really important! It's even considered the most important virtue.

Second, we establish a first authority mechanism with our parents. When we're young, we can't survive independently, so we rely on our parents for everything.

As time goes by, you'll find yourself doing what your parents ask and feeling more and more like them. If you don't, you might feel a bit out of sorts.

It's totally normal to feel a bit lonely when you leave home and you're used to having your parents there for you. It's like your mindset is still shaped by that high degree of dependency you developed while you were growing up.

Not telling your parents about your own affairs is actually a way of showing them that you're a sensible, independent person. It's your inner need to do this, and it's a good thing!

So, the first hidden self you need to accept is this: I am lonely, I also need my parents' care, and I need their love.

I know it can be really tough for the original poster to talk to his parents about this. But you can start by taking a good look at yourself and accepting your imperfections.

It's so important to remember that you're not alone in feeling this way. You can record all the loneliness, difficulties, and hardships you feel.

Words can really help to make these feelings real for you. Once you've written them down, you'll feel so much better!

If you get the chance, you should definitely show your parents what you wrote. They'll be able to understand how hard it is for you!

and receive their care and love.

When we accept our own imperfections, we can gradually adjust our perspective and start seeing the beauty in everything!

You can use a camera to record the beautiful scenery you usually see, and also record people or things that make you feel happy.

When you focus on the good things in life, it can really lift your mood and help you feel more open to socializing with others.

Interacting with others is a great way to broaden your mind! And a gentleman's friendship is as light as water.

You don't need to try to please others in your relationships because that will only tire you out. Just be yourself and you'll attract friends who love you for who you are!

You'll attract friends who really get you and can't wait to see where life takes you next!

For example, there was a boy you got along well with. He was someone you could confide in and tell your thoughts to.

A true friend is someone who is always there for you when you need them, isn't he?

And remember, keep doing the things that make you happy and feel good! Find your interests and passions, and stick with them.

We're here on this earth for a reason, and it's so important to remember that while we're still young, we should constantly explore our interests and passions!

When your interests can help others or make this society a better place, that is your life's mission.

It's so important to remember that highly dependent people are easily influenced by their surroundings and others. But, when they find their inner passion, it gives them a strong internal drive to live for themselves.

Take a moment to think about something you really wanted to do or liked to do between the ages of 13 and 15, but your studies got in the way.

Find those things, practice them with all your heart, and finally be independent. You've got this! Give yourself a chance.

Live your life to the fullest, my friend!

And finally, believe that there are people behind you who care about you just as much as you care about others.

You can always count on your parents and younger brother to love you, and you can show them how much you care by giving them the chance to show their love for you.

You can always count on the boy to chat with you, and you can also feel free to tell him your worries and concerns.

You've got this! Don't carry it alone. You can make things happen without putting in too much effort. And you can make friends with some positive energy along the way.

You've got this! I'm rooting for you! You'll meet a better version of yourself!

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I'm writing to you today because I'm aware that you're facing some challenges.

If I may make a suggestion, I believe that seeing the words is akin to seeing the person. At this moment, I would like to offer you a warm hug, both in the present and in the future.

You mentioned that you recently graduated and are currently working in a foreign place on your own, which can be a challenging experience. It's understandable that you're feeling a bit lonely and helpless at times. It's also important to recognize that you have a responsibility to share the worries at home, and that your younger brother's education is a significant concern for you.

You always do your best to repay your parents when they are in need, but perhaps when you are in trouble or lonely, your family can give you less help? Once again, I give you a hug. From this, I can see that you are a grateful and very responsible person.

I am also concerned for you, as it seems you are taking on more responsibility than you can handle, especially given your recent graduation.

Anxiety

Anxiety can manifest in many ways, but at its core, it's a feeling that arises when our expectations are too high and our abilities may not be fully aligned with them, leading to impatience for results. Reflecting on the things you've mentioned, what are the challenges that feel particularly daunting to you?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how your current actual ability compares to your expectations. It may be beneficial to acknowledge the facts and adjust your expectations in a way that is both realistic and motivating.

It might be helpful to consider task separation.

It might be helpful to consider the concept of task separation. This is an important ability in our lives. For example, raising a younger sibling is a life task for parents. At the same time, it's also important to take care of yourself before giving your family the care you can within your abilities.

I believe that the separation of topics also means independence, and that independence does not exacerbate the separation between people. In my opinion, what really isolates and alienates relationships is ambiguous symbiosis and mushy logic.

It is only by learning to love ourselves that we can truly love others.

It may be helpful to consider prioritizing self-care before focusing on others.

From what you've shared, I sense that you're experiencing some fatigue. It seems that you might benefit from some care and support at this time. For instance, you may be facing some challenges in life or at work that could benefit from tailored guidance. Additionally, it's possible that you could benefit from emotional care and interaction.

If your mental energy is like the fuel in your car's tank, you may benefit from making some changes. Staying in touch with friends can really give us strength and make us feel seen and cared for.

☂️Tip:

The questioner indicated a preference for solitude and a reluctance to engage in social interactions. However, occasional one-on-one communication with others appears to facilitate a deeper level of introspection. This suggests a temperament that aligns with the characteristics of highly sensitive individuals. I suggest exploring the book "High Sensitivity is a Gift," which could assist in understanding, accepting, and navigating interactions with the world more effectively.

When negative emotions arise, you might consider engaging in some physical activity that you find beneficial, such as exercise, yoga, meditation, or learning a new hobby. These activities can help us temporarily escape from our worries and gain energy through concentration.

It might also be helpful to talk to friends as a way of expressing your feelings and finding support. You might be surprised at how friendly the world can be.

I hope the above information will be helpful to you. I'm aware that I can sometimes come across as a bit absentminded, so I'm grateful if you'll accept my apologies in advance. Thank you for reading!

Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Yi Ya Shu, a Heart Exploration coach. I would be delighted to assist you in navigating your current challenges. Best regards, Yi Ya Shu

From our discussion, I understand that you are currently experiencing feelings of anxiety/why-do-i-feel-a-sense-of-emptiness-with-loneliness-as-my-constant-companion-5348.html" target="_blank">loneliness, anxiety, and frustration.

You feel isolated because you lack a reliable source of communication.

You lack a support network of friends with whom you can be completely open, allowing you to shed your knowledgeable, obedient, capable persona and truly express your heart and grievances. Despite a lengthy and productive conversation with a male acquaintance, you still found it challenging to fully disclose your current circumstances.

This indicates that when interacting with others, you are concerned about being rejected if they do not accept your true self. You have difficulty establishing close relationships, opening up and expressing your true emotions.

You have indicated that you have been unable to form close relationships with people and show your true self. This is likely due to the environment in which you grew up, which did not provide an opportunity for such relationships to develop. You have also mentioned that you never caused your parents any worry and that they felt you were particularly sensible. Additionally, you rarely told the family about your difficulties.

This demonstrates that throughout your development, you have consistently assumed the role of a responsible and compliant child, striving to meet your parents' expectations. However, you have not established a genuine and intimate connection with your parents. Despite their presence throughout your extended childhood, they have been emotionally distant. They have seldom engaged in open communication about your emotions and feelings, and you have often managed challenges independently, rarely seeking their input. While you may appear sensible, you have experienced profound loneliness and insecurity since childhood.

Furthermore, given the limitations of your parents' abilities, they have placed significant responsibilities on you, including the education of your younger brother. Their approach has not taken into account your feelings or stress levels.

You have already expressed feelings of insufficient love and support from your parents. Furthermore, you have been tasked with assuming responsibility for your brother's studies and grades. Should your brother's behavior not align with expectations, it will have a significant impact on your stress and anxiety levels.

Ultimately, your anxiety and stress stem from the fact that you have assumed responsibilities and a burden that is beyond your capacity. Due to your parents' lack of awareness, you are bearing the brunt of their life pressures. In reality, educating your younger brother is a duty and responsibility that your parents should fulfill. However, in your family, they have transferred these responsibilities to you due to their lack of knowledge. When an individual assumes responsibilities that exceed their capabilities, it becomes a significant and unfair burden.

These current grievances and anxieties stem from this.

As I proceed, the issues become increasingly clear.

The first issue is that the environment of your original family lacked sufficient emotional support. Your parents were unable to provide you with the warmth, companionship, support, and acceptance that you needed. As a result, you had to rely on yourself more when you were young. In front of your parents, you had to present and play the role of an understanding and obedient child to please them and make them feel at ease. This kind of childhood life lacking dependence and acceptance makes it impossible for you to establish an intimate and secure relationship with other people when you grow up.

The second issue is that you and your parents have not differentiated between your respective issues. You have not yet established your own identity outside the family unit. As a result, you continue to assume the responsibilities typically associated with your parents. This prevents you from recognizing which responsibilities truly belong to your parents and prevents you from distinguishing between your own needs and those of your parents.

The third issue is that you were neglected in your family. Your parents expected you to be a model older sister, set an example for your younger brother, excel, and share their burdens, but they rarely considered your true feelings and emotions. In a life where you were not truly cared for, you also did not learn how to care for yourself. After growing up, you also had difficulty empathizing with your own feelings, which is why you feel so lonely and powerless.

I believe that after I have finished discussing these issues today, you will have a better understanding of some of your own behaviours. However, you will still feel lonely and powerless, as these problems have been formed over a long period of time and will therefore take a long time to resolve. If the original poster is experiencing significant distress and wishes to overcome it, you may wish to consider alternative methods, such as seeking the support of a professional counsellor. This could help you to experience acceptance, empathy, a sense of support and companionship, and gradually dissolve your past lonely personality background.

If you are on a budget, you may also find it helpful to read some books that can assist you in understanding your current problems. I would like to share with you some of the books I have found particularly useful:

The works of Wu Zhihong include "Why Does Family Hurt?," "The Body Knows the Answer," and "Have a Life Where You Call the Shots."

Tang Minggang, "Reconciliation with the Inner Child"

Cong Feicong: "Raising Your Inner Child"

From your written description, I can see that you are motivated and kind. However, you are tired of socializing, never post updates on your friends' walls, and rarely contact your old friends.

As the eldest sibling, you are driven to support your younger brother and enhance your own capabilities. Your parents' lack of concern may be a testament to this. Internally, you also desire their attention and understanding of your challenges.

Furthermore, the individual you recently encountered is likely someone you hold in high regard. However, you have yet to address your emotions and concerns, which have led to apprehension about disclosing your feelings for fear of causing distress. I will also present my perspective for your consideration.

Effective interpersonal communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. In today's digital age, it is crucial to leverage the internet to expand your network and gain insights from your professional circles.

You want to be recognized by others, but you also want to maintain your privacy, fearful of divulging more about yourself. This is a conflict.

First and foremost, I firmly believe that effective communication is the key to fostering understanding and connection with others. If you find yourself reluctant to engage in face-to-face communication, I suggest starting with text-based interactions. A circle of friends can be an invaluable resource in this regard.

It would be beneficial to explore the use of WeChat or Weibo. It is only through experience that one can ascertain their capabilities.

Secondly, the diary-writing technique you learned from your teacher during your formative years may also be beneficial now. Recording your mood is also an effective method for alleviating depression, and I have consistently advocated for this approach.

I would also recommend this course of action.

Finally, do not hesitate to seek out a support system. The Yi Xinli platform offers both free and paid psychological listening appointments, providing a range of options to suit your needs.

Please select the option that best suits your needs.

Furthermore, you are the eldest sister in your family, and you always feel a sense of responsibility on your shoulders, wanting to repay your family for their love. This is a commendable quality, and it demonstrates that you are kind-hearted and responsible.

I encourage you to start now and strive for excellence, as this will open up more opportunities to assist others. What are your thoughts on this matter?

In conclusion, I would like to leave you with the following quote: the most effective way to build a stronger relationship with someone is to seek their assistance. With the individual in question, you may wish to initiate contact by sharing your thoughts and concerns, and listening to their advice and opinions.

I encourage you to proceed with your plan of action. It is only through trial and error that you will gain insight into the potential outcome.

There is no one-time beginning or end that cannot be salvaged. It is essential to understand that when it is time to start, one should do so without hesitation. Similarly, when it is time to end, it is crucial to do so in a decisive and orderly manner.

Let's proceed, young man.