Very sensitive to her mother's mood, I feel sad whenever she is unhappy. How to change

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart coach.

I understand your love for your mother. You know how hard it was for her to raise you alone and what a victim she was in her marriage.

You're reluctant to leave your mother because you're used to being together and you're grateful for her support. She can't live without you.

You hug me tenderly. You're a caring little blanket for your mother. If she knew how you felt, she'd be happy and sad. She wants you to be happy, blessed, and carefree.

1. You and your mother must both grow up.

Everyone has their own life issues, and marriage is something that the mother and father work through together. Your filial piety and empathy have made you more aware of your mother's difficulties, and your concern has grown since you got married.

You feel it's wrong to be happy when your mother is unhappy.

Filial piety has three meanings: support, respect, and honor. The highest expression of filial piety is making our parents proud.

You're more concerned about your mother's state of mind.

You say your mother is too kind and doesn't tell you things that are bad for her. This makes you worry. Everyone has their own patterns. Your mother's patterns are also her way of protecting herself.

With decades of experience, you can rest assured. Give your mother (even if she is now 60 or older) the chance to be independent and grow.

?2. Anticipate the future and take action.

Anxiety helps us prepare for the future. If we are always on high alert, we become drained and unable to be at peace in the present.

You can prepare for the future by testing your mother's ability to handle things on her own. For example, you can set up scenarios like regular video calls, gradually extending the duration, and encouraging her to integrate more into new circles and develop her own interests and hobbies.

You can also invite your mother to your home. We have to learn to gradually let go of all kinds of relationships.

This can also help you learn to handle separation from your mother.

I hope this helps. I love you.

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My name is Gu Yi. I am a modest and unassuming individual, and I strive to maintain a consistent demeanor.

♥ Gradually learn to let go and find a lifestyle that suits both parties.

From the moment they are born, children gradually become independent of their parents. Your unconventional upbringing has disrupted your typical development. The lack of paternal love and your reliance on your mother have fostered a unique bond of love and compassion for her. Those formative years were characterized by a mutual eagerness for each other's company, but after you established your own life, it seems that you are even more challenged in adapting than your mother.

Dear Questioner, I empathize with your situation. When you are experiencing happiness, you feel a sense of guilt when your mother encounters a challenge. You experience an inexplicable pain and a sense of helplessness. You love your mother deeply, yet you feel a lack of control over life's circumstances. Love and pain are both significant emotions.

This emotional state causes you to doubt yourself and wish you had the ability to split yourself into two. From your description, I can tell that you are a very attentive and protective person. However, you must trust your mother. During the years you have been involved, you have supported each other. Even though you cannot live together, your mother still needs to have her own life.

I would like to offer some advice:

Marriage is a matter of two families. Regardless of the quality of the parent-child relationship, individuals often find it challenging to navigate the complexities of daily life. We acknowledge your concerns and challenges and are equipped to approach the issue from a different perspective. As long as your mother retains the capacity to perform basic living skills, we have grounds to place our trust in her. It would also be beneficial to have the opportunity to visit her home frequently or to stay with you for a few days.

It would be beneficial to encourage your mother to establish her own social network. It is important to recognise that the time children can spend with their parents is limited. We all have significant life responsibilities and obligations that prevent us from stopping. Therefore, it is essential to utilise the resources available in society. Social workers can facilitate access to various senior activity centres and similar initiatives, which can support your mother's participation and encourage her to form her own social circle. Additionally, when you are not present, community members can also assist.

You and your mother have grown up together in these years of mutual dependence and fear. Now that you have formed a family of your own, you can encourage your mother to find a suitable partner to share her life with, to have someone to talk to and spend time with. This can reduce your worries on the one hand, and allow your mother to manage her own life on the other. I hope things will improve, and I hope you can let go of your mother's life and have more expectations.

Best regards,

Hello!

The questioner is a very respectful child. Now that he has a family of his own, he still respects his mother and protects her love. This is because he wants to repay his mother. It is also difficult for children from special families to let go of their mothers.

Life is complex, but hearts are still close.

I grew up with a single parent and lived with my mother. She treated me well and we are still friends. She listens to me and supports me. I am kind to my friends and family.

I blame my father for being selfish and irresponsible. I feel sorry for my mother and see all her sacrifices. I reject others' negativity towards her.

Families support and care for each other. When the structure of a family changes, a family always needs to adjust to regain balance. One change is when children grow up and form their own families. Parents let go and let their children grow up. Parents then enter the next stage of life.

When children leave home to pursue happiness, they often feel anxious because their parents are elderly. They may worry about loneliness and their parents' ability to care for themselves. The questioner mentioned that they and their mother have always taken care of each other, making it more difficult to let go when they are apart. This is understandable. It's okay to feel low and helpless. However, life often gives people the ability to adapt and become more open and clear-minded.

How do you handle your emotions?

First, keep in touch with your mom and give her love and care. You can't always do everything right, but you can do your best. Moms have habits that take a long time to change. So, don't stop taking care of your mom just because you're married. Visit her often with your husband. If he's not available, visit more often, but don't worry too much. Your mom might not want to see you as much because she's worried.

Next, encourage your mother to find a new hobby that will make her happy. Life is about love. With love, she will feel better. Perhaps because of her previous habits, your mother will find it difficult to change. But since the environment has changed, she needs to adapt to her new life. Injecting new elements that make her happy will help her feel better.

Finally, give each other space, allow a little gap to appear, and accept and grow. It is rare for a mother to have a heart of "filial piety," but she shouldn't inflate herself into a superman who can do everything for her mother. This is not a wise approach. A reasonable approach is to first accept and adapt to the new life, gradually improve, and improve your problem-solving skills.

Good luck!

Hello! I was so inspired by reading your description. It's so great to see how this relationship is growing and changing for the better.

However, you are married and have left her life, and the reality is that you cannot take your mother to live with you. This means you have the opportunity to learn how to care for her in new ways!

To deal with this kind of problem, you need to be aware of a few realities, and I'm excited to share them with you!

It may seem like a friendship, but in reality, it's so much more than that! It's a unique bond shaped by the influences of a mother-daughter relationship.

As a mother, you always hope your child is doing well. You say she'll face some tough challenges and will confide in you, and you'll listen. But is there a tendency in her description to favor you?

In other words, the reality of her life as you know it may not be her real life. Is she just going along with you so as not to make you feel bad and not to damage the relationship you have built up over the years?

You love her and she loves you! This means there's bound to be some concealment in communication, just as you won't feed your anxieties back to her. She knows you may have suffering in your life, but she's not afraid to ask because she cares about you. You have your reasons for not saying anything, but once you ask, you'll be doing good!

2. Uncovering your mother's real needs

And the great news is that it can be analyzed from three roles!

One is that as a human being born into the world, as an independent individual, there are bound to be rules for survival and ways to adapt. There are also personal pursuits and ideals, and even watching movies and television shows or reading books can be considered a process of self-improvement. In this context, her needs may be to make her own arrangements, such as doing handicrafts, cleaning, or chatting with good friends—and she should definitely do all of these things!

One is that she is a woman. Women's needs are actually quite simple, and I'm sure you know them very well! Think about it: women want to be loved, they want to be accompanied, they want to be cared for, and they want to feel needed.

Many people choose to get married to pursue this kind of satisfaction, while others find it through other means, such as children, siblings, or close friends.

One is that she is your mother. As a mother, her wish is for her children to be healthy and happy—and she wants you to be the best you can be!

Generally speaking, they will only report good news and not bad news because they want to be there for their children and support them in all the best ways they can!

#Great love has no voice#

3. Your expectations

You and your mother have been living together for many years and know each other very well. You think she needs your support and company, and you're excited to be able to provide it!

Such concerns will not only prevent you from truly understanding your mother, but will also affect your growth and the way you run your own family.

You expect your mother to tell you everything so that you can fulfill your duty as a filial child and show your gratitude! Without the other person's consent, doesn't that seem a bit selfish?

It's like when she's just had a sip of water and you think she's thirsty, so you keep offering her water in the name of love. The more she drinks, the more you think you're right – it's so exciting!

But wait, there's more! She might also be thinking that if she drinks some water, her daughter will be over the moon. So why not drink more? It's just a matter of going to the toilet a few more times!

Maybe she just drank a little bit out of boredom!

4. Personal space in relationships

Everyone needs their own space to do their own thing, to be true to themselves, and to do what they want. It's so important to create a space where you can be yourself and express your emotions and relationships. When we allow others to encroach on our personal space, it can create a vicious cycle.

Absolutely! Even parents should have their own private space and enjoy their own time, rather than being completely occupied by others, even their children.

If you don't quite understand, you can look at your marriage. It's a great example! Are you willing to have all your time, space, and energy occupied by your husband or children without any personal privacy? I don't believe so.

5. Be sure to give others the chance to thrive!

This mentality of solving everything for the other person may seem like a kind gesture, but it actually deprives them of their ability to survive! This may not be easy to understand, so let me give you an example:

If a person is fed during the birth period and has never eaten or drunk on their own, can they survive once they lose the behavior of being fed and watered by others? Absolutely! They'll be just fine!

To grow and survive, one must experience hardships. And it's through these challenges that we learn and thrive!

In fact, being a filial child means:

1. You can give your mother her own space and way of life and living style. This is something that will last a lifetime!

2. Spend time with her, even if it's just a phone call. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask how she's doing!

This will cause secondary harm to others. But don't worry! If you want to know how the other person is doing, then spend more time chatting and spending time together, and you will naturally find out for yourself.

3. You are absolutely thrilled right now, and I truly believe you've worked hard for it. But this can only be said to be very happy at this time, and it doesn't mean that you'll always be happy in the future. You may have already invested some of your energy elsewhere, and your emotions may have already set up a mine for your current marriage.

Your happy life is the key to your mother's happiness! When you're happy, you're a strong support for her. And when you're ready, you can give her the strongest protection.

If you can't even get your own life together, just think how your mother will be able to bother you again!

Wishing you all the best!

Good evening, dear questioner!

I'm Kelly, and I'm here to help!

I've seen many people complain about their poor relationships with their parents, but yours is a beautiful exception! I'm so touched by the deep emotional bond you have with your mother and your kindness.

You can be like sisters, confiding in each other, and like friends, too! Mom is really an amazing mom. She gives you so much encouragement, recognition, and fulfills all of your wishes!

✍️ [Father's irresponsibility and selfishness]

The original poster mentioned that his mother is an amazingly forgiving and kind person, and he's absolutely certain she'll be overjoyed to see how much he's grown up and how much he appreciates all the sacrifices she made for him.

It is so worth being happy when your loved ones approve of whatever you do!

She and her father can only say that their relationship was not deep. This is something that can be fixed! This is a matter for both parents. Many things in the world are not necessarily perfect, and there are certainly kind parents in the world, but there are also parents who do not satisfy their children.

If the parents don't have a deep relationship, they might argue with each other, attack each other, and hurt each other. But there's no need to worry! Even if they choose to remain single, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

The main character is totally on board with her mother's choice, and you can leave your impression of your father to time. Who knows—maybe one day you can also reconcile, accept, and respect your parents' decision!

I think the questioner's emotions are also very complex, which is great because it means there's so much to explore! You can be aware of yourself and ask if there is love behind the resentment.

I'm sure there are plenty more expectations!

I'm sure you feel disappointed in your father when blaming him, too!

Single parents have more or less repressed emotions. But don't worry! If it bothers you all the time, you can also seek counseling to see if you can break through and accept and reconcile with your father through self-growth.

You have a choice!

The father's irresponsibility and selfishness are shortcomings, but there's so much more to him than that! The questioner can also recall whether the father left any other positive traits in your heart.

Your father-daughter bond is impossible to forget!

✍️[Original Family]

Because of your relationship with your original family, your relationship with your mother is really quite complex. You love her so much!

Do you feel any guilt? Absolutely not!

I feel like I'm making my amazing mother give so much, while putting two loves into one person!

Absolutely! There are also entanglements, right?

The confusion of the original family may have affected your mentality, including your lack of trust in your mother. But don't worry! You can overcome this challenge and build a stronger relationship with your mother.

So the depressed emotions in this part may not be noticed by the original poster. It is very hard to bear the pressure of having to deal with everything on your own. But you can do it! When you decide to let go of the burden, you can truly relax with your mother like friends, chat about the past, and at the same time thank your mother for raising you. You have also started your own family and are happy, and your mother has also begun to enjoy her single life.

I've got a few tips and tricks up my sleeve that I'm excited to share with you!

1: It's time for mom to find a new hobby! Why not try the university for the elderly?

2: Do something meaningful, something she likes, and fulfill an unfulfilled wish from her younger days!

3: Get a reading habit or do something that makes her happy!

✍️[nuclear family]

The questioner and her husband are absolutely thrilled, and I'm sure your mother will be too! You've also thought about how involving your mother might affect your relationship as a couple, which is really thoughtful of you.

Once you're married, it's time to focus on your nuclear family! You'll have boundaries and a certain distance, but it'll be so worth it.

At the same time, you should also slowly shift your emotions from your original family to your nuclear family, which is your husband, you, and your children. You are the hostess, and there are so many exciting things you will get to face and overcome in the future!

And you can learn about the family life cycle and the things you need to face at different stages!

♥️[Trust your mother]

Your mother can raise you to be so good, and she is kind. If your mother's health is good on a daily basis, the questioner should also believe in her abilities and her way of dealing with things. She has gotten by well in the past, and she will continue to do so in the future.

Your mom can raise a wonderful person all by herself, and she can also encourage and support you. So there is every reason to trust her way of life and her way of dealing with things!

Moms are adults, not children!

And the best part is, if you're happy, your mother will be happy too!

✍️ [Self-blame] It's time to take a deep breath and let go of any self-blame!

First of all, we accept that we are ordinary people and there are always things we cannot do anything about. There are priorities, and as long as it is not a major issue, the questioner can slowly let go of their worries. This is an amazing opportunity to focus on what we can do!

Have you always been worried and anxious? I'm sure you've also had lots of other great experiences in your life!

I would also highly recommend that you seek out a counselor to help you analyze the cause of any confusion that you can't seem to resolve. It's so important to recognize that over-blaming yourself is also a form of internal depletion. You've already taken the first step by reaching out here, so I'm excited for you to keep moving forward!

There's so much you can learn from reading about developmental psychology! It's a great way to understand your mother and your own physical changes at different ages. And it'll help you prepare in advance!

The questioner is absolutely excellent, so filial, and so kind!

You've got this! Don't be too hard on yourself.

Please, don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have. We're here to help!

I wish you all the best!

The world and I love you!