What about social anxiety (I'm not sure if this is the right term)?

Hello.

I'm glad we met and I saw your question. You feel you have social barriers.

I don't know your age, but it's normal for teenagers to have these problems. If you're an adult, you might have some social anxiety, but it's not serious.

You don't have social anxiety. You're not worried or afraid when you're around people.

When you're talking to someone, you're not focused on the conversation. You're worried about how they're reacting to you.

Do you care if you're doing well? Do you worry about mistakes in speech, mannerisms, or appearance? How do others see you?

Your focus is similar to that of a camera. It's as if there is an external third party filming you.

Your face, expressions, and mannerisms are watched and analyzed. The camera also watches the other person's reactions to see how they see you.

This shows you care about your performance and won't allow mistakes. Monitoring yourself like a security camera is tiring.

You've had a hard time and been tired for two years. You don't want to keep expending energy, so you've come here to ask questions.

You pay attention to your appearance and what others think because of past experiences. This is a habit.

You know your habits. You're self-aware.

When talking to others, focus on the content. If you don't, you'll get distracted and make the other person feel ignored.

But you also have to think about what you say and do.

We think habits are wrong when we want to change them. But they must have been useful at one time.

If your parents always demanded you have a standard posture and expression, you will be focused on your appearance. You will be praised for a good appearance.

If you don't look good, your parents will criticize you. So you keep doing it.

You're older now and this habit doesn't suit you. You want to change it.

When talking to others, focus on what you're saying.

In the future, focus on the content of your conversations. If you notice you're focusing on your appearance, don't blame yourself. Just refocus on the conversation.

Once you've focused on your appearance, you can shift your focus back. Practice this slowly and you can change according to your needs.

It's like looking at a painting: half red, half white. When we focus on red, we ignore white.

When we focus on white, we ignore red. When you focus on a conversation, you ignore appearance.

Both aspects are important. Focus on the main points of the conversation and take care of yourself and your appearance from time to time.

We can't demand too much of ourselves. We're all ordinary people, and it's good if we can take care of one thing. Affirm, understand, accept, and love yourself.

I love you.

Hello! I totally get where you're coming from.

In the vast ocean of human relationships, sometimes we may feel like a lonely boat, always inadvertently being pulled by the surrounding storms and unable to focus on our own course. But there's no need to worry! The feelings you mentioned, such as "spying on others" and "being overly concerned about one's words and actions," are actually not uncommon. They may stem from our internal pursuit of a perfect image and our excessive concern about others' evaluations, but there's a simple solution!

But you know, everyone is unique, and our value does not depend on the opinions of others. It depends on the light within us! Just like a bright star, it will shine firmly no matter how the outside world changes.

I'm so excited to share a heartwarming story with you! There was once a young girl who was always worried about how she looked in the eyes of others. She would become overwhelmed with nervousness whenever she interacted with people.

But then, she met an old man of wisdom. The old man told her, "My child, do you know?"

When you focus all your attention on other people, you lose yourself. But when you focus more on yourself, on your growth and progress, you'll see that the world will become a better place because of you!

After listening to the old man's words, the girl began to embrace her own imperfections and focus more on her growth. She was amazed at how quickly she became more confident and composed, and she was delighted to find that she also won the respect and love of more people!

Now, let me give you some more specific and effective advice! First, try some self-reflection and ask yourself why you care so much about what others think.

Is it because you are afraid of being rejected and denied? Or do you hope that you can gain the recognition and love of more people? Let me tell you something that will really help you.

Once you've identified the root of the problem, you can start to solve it!

Second, it's time to let your natural, relaxed self shine in social situations! Don't worry about your words and actions — focus on connecting with others and having fun!

When you focus on the other person, you'll be amazed at how easy it is to understand their needs and feelings and to establish a deep connection with them!

And there are other great ways to boost your social skills! For instance, when chatting with someone, make sure to smile, lock eyes, and get the ball rolling by suggesting topics or asking questions.

This will make the other person feel your enthusiasm and sincerity, and also allow you to express your thoughts and feelings with more confidence—it's a win-win!

In the meantime, I highly recommend that you get involved in more social or group activities! It's a great way to meet like-minded friends and also practice your social skills.

As you gradually adapt to the environment of interacting with others, you will be thrilled to discover that it's actually a very enjoyable and interesting thing to do!

And finally, I want to say that you should absolutely not be afraid of failure and setbacks! In the process of growing up, we will inevitably encounter difficulties and challenges, but we can absolutely conquer them!

But as long as we maintain a brave and determined heart, and keep trying and working hard, we will definitely be able to overcome these difficulties and become a better version of ourselves!

In short, my dear friend, I absolutely believe you can overcome this problem and become a more confident, composed, and graceful version of yourself! Believe in yourself, give yourself some time and patience, and also give yourself some courage and confidence.

You will absolutely shine with your own light! Go for it!

Hello, questioner! I'm Jia Ao, the Heart Detective coach.

I've listened to your confessions and worries. Have you had trouble socializing? Do you feel like you have social barriers? When there's someone around, you'll secretly observe others and not focus on what you're doing or talking to others. You're not paying attention to the conversation, just your own words and deeds. It's worse when you're always paying attention to others, for a long time. What's wrong?

This shows you care about what others think. You pay attention to what others think of you. This is tiring. Pay more attention to your emotions.

Let me help you analyze and sort things out:

1. Talk to others.

If you want to be more sociable, try talking to people. You can start by saying hello, chatting about your interests and hobbies, and exchanging contact information. This takes courage, but it's worth it.

2. Spend more time with outgoing people.

As the saying goes, "Those who associate with reds become red, and those who associate with blacks become black." The same is true of interpersonal interactions. If you make friends with an outgoing person, you will become more outgoing. If you only interact with introverted and quiet people, you will become more introverted and quiet. Therefore, it is recommended that you spend more time with outgoing and cheerful people. The more you interact, the more outgoing and cheerful you will become.

3. Stay positive.

There is a secret to interacting with others.

Keep a positive attitude. People like to interact with those who smile. If you smile, people will be happy to interact with you. Even if you're not good-looking, if you smile, people will find you warm and friendly. You'll be easy to interact with.

4. Be sincere with people.

Treat others with sincerity. If you treat others sincerely, they will treat you sincerely. The same goes for gaining friendship. Treat your friends sincerely, help them when they need help, and support them when they need it. Use your sincerity to infect the people around you. When others see it, they will like to make friends with you. With excellent character traits, anyone will be willing to be friends with you.

5. Work hard to improve yourself.

When you become good, people will like you and want to be your friend. If you want to make more friends, you have to know yourself, change yourself, improve yourself, and believe in yourself.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, you can find me on my personal website. Just click on the Heart Exploration service and send me a message.

Hello.

From your description, it is clear that this situation is troubling. When someone is nearby, your anxiety/do-you-feel-your-husband-is-paying-less-attention-to-you-is-it-worth-getting-angry-over-trivial-matters-5980.html" target="_blank">attention is involuntarily drawn to secretly observing others, and you cannot focus on what you are doing at the moment. Even when you are talking to someone, your focus is not on the content of the exchange itself, but on being overly concerned about your words and actions. This state of mind has persisted for at least two years, and it is quite serious. It is as if someone is nearby 24 hours a day, and you are in this state of attention to others 24 hours a day. Prolonged exposure to this situation will undoubtedly make you feel tired and anxious.

You are overly concerned about what others think of you. This causes you to be in a constant state of alertness, always ready to assess your performance based on the reactions of others. You have experienced negative comments or incidents in the past, which has caused you to develop this pattern of behavior.

You care too much about what others think of you. You're always on your guard, always ready to assess your performance from the reactions of others. You've experienced negative comments or incidents in the past, which has led to this behavior pattern. You're trying to avoid criticism or dissatisfaction. But this is affecting your work efficiency and learning effectiveness. It's also preventing you from establishing sincere and in-depth relationships. You're not fully engaged in communicating with others. You don't truly understand their intentions and emotions. It's difficult for them to feel your sincerity and focus.

To change this situation, you must adjust your mindset. You must remind yourself that other people's opinions are not important. Focus on your own growth and the task at hand. When your attention wanders, bring it back to what you are doing.

You can change this situation by adjusting your mindset. Remember that other people's opinions don't matter. Focus on your own growth and the task at hand. When your attention wanders, bring it back to what you're doing. Practice relaxation and meditation to calm your mind and reduce your sensitivity to external evaluations. With time and effort, you will overcome this problem, become more comfortable with people around you, and focus on your inner self and your current life.

Understand yourself. Reflect deeply on why you pay too much attention to others. Is it because of low self-esteem and lack of confidence, or is it because you are overly concerned about the opinions of others? Identify the root of the problem. Solve it in a targeted way. Enhance your self-affirmation and self-confidence. List your strengths and achievements. Remind yourself every day of your value. Trust your own abilities and judgments. Don't rely too much on the approval of others to gain self-identity.

Understand and reflect on yourself. Think deeply about why you're so concerned about others. Is it due to low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, or an over-reliance on the opinions of others? Identify the root of the problem. This will help you solve it in a targeted way, enhance your self-affirmation and self-confidence, list your strengths and achievements, remind yourself of your value every day, and believe in your own abilities and judgment. Don't rely excessively on the approval of others to gain self-identity.

Set clear personal goals and focus on your own goals, such as learning new skills, completing work tasks, improving physical fitness, etc. With a clear direction, you will naturally invest more energy in your own development. Learn to focus on the present and do some concentration training, such as meditation.

Set clear personal goals and focus your attention on them. Learn new skills, complete work tasks, and improve your physical fitness. With a clear direction, you will naturally invest more energy in your own development. Learn to focus on the present moment and do some concentration training, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises. In daily activities, remind yourself to focus on what you are doing. Avoid letting your thoughts wander to others and limit the use of social media. Social media often triggers excessive comparisons and attention to other people's lives. Reduce the time spent using it and you will reduce the interference of external information on yourself.

Change your way of thinking. When you find yourself paying attention to other people again, change your thinking in time. Remind yourself that everyone has their own lives and problems. There is no need to care too much. Spend more time with positive and optimistic people. Their attitudes and behaviors will have a positive influence on you. This will make you pay more attention to your own growth and happiness. Develop hobbies and devote yourself to activities you love. This will allow you to enjoy the process wholeheartedly. This will reduce your attention to other people. Use mental suggestion to tell yourself, "I only need to pay attention to my own progress and growth." Through repeated self-suggestion, gradually change your behavior habits. Give yourself time to be alone. During this time, focus completely on your own feelings and thoughts. Enjoy the freedom to think and act alone.

You will get rid of excessive attention to others. It will take time and effort, patience and determination, but you will do it. Be aware of your emotions and feelings, find out the reasons why they arise, gradually adjust your mentality and behavior, return more attention to yourself, put energy into yourself, and live the present moment.

You will be released from your distress.

I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who employs visualization techniques to facilitate client expression.

The subject displays a persistent inability to focus on self-reflection, instead exhibiting a proclivity for distraction by external stimuli. This may manifest as a proclivity for social interaction, which can be indicative of underlying social anxiety. Social anxiety disorders are characterized by excessive apprehension and fear in social situations, often accompanied by a sense of being judged or rejected by others. This psychological pressure can manifest as physical symptoms such as palpitations, hand tremors, and sweating. It can also manifest as social behaviors such as avoidance of social contact and performance anxiety in public settings.

If these issues have a significant impact on daily life and social functioning and persist for a minimum of six months, social anxiety disorder may be a consideration. The most effective approach is to seek professional medical and psychological assessment and receive psychological counseling. Pharmacological intervention can alleviate symptoms, while psychological counseling can facilitate an understanding of the underlying causes and facilitate adjustments and improvements.

However, it should be noted that the questioner's description of the problem contains absolute and exaggerated expressions that can potentially lead to excessive panic and make it challenging for others to fully comprehend and provide adequate support. For instance,

In the description, there is a notable inclination to be distracted and to direct one's attention to others. However, the assertion that "as long as there is someone around, the attention will be completely diverted to others" may be somewhat exaggerated. It is important to recognize that attention allocation is a selective process. While an individual may be aware of their surroundings and the people around them, it does not necessarily imply that they are completely unaware of their immediate actions and responsibilities.

Similarly, the statement "24 hours a day, someone is around, so 24 hours a day, they pay attention to other people" is also somewhat absolute. It is, after all, necessary for people to rest, relax, and focus on other things; thus, it is unlikely that they will pay continuous attention to other people.

Furthermore, the assertion "When talking to other people, I'm not paying any attention to what they're saying" is also somewhat definitive. While concerns about speech and behavior may be present, it is not necessarily the case that one cannot focus on the content of the conversation.

Thus, a slight adjustment to the description can be made to more closely resemble the actual situation. For example, the following could be said: "When there are other people present, I often find myself paying attention to them, which can sometimes impede my ability to concentrate on the task at hand."

Furthermore, when conversing with others, I tend to be more mindful of my verbal and non-verbal behaviors, which can impede my ability to maintain focus on the central topic of the discussion.

In addition to seeking medical assessment, psychological counseling, and adjusting one's mode of expression, it is recommended that you learn and practice mindfulness exercises. These exercises are available in the form of special audio guides on the platform. Mindfulness exercises have been demonstrated to assist in the management of emotions, improvement of mental health, and the attainment of greater peace and happiness in life. It should be noted that while the initiation of these exercises is relatively straightforward, maintaining consistent engagement may prove challenging. The following tips may prove beneficial:

1. Formulate objectives and a plan of action: Prior to commencing the practice, it is advisable to define a clear objective, such as undertaking mindfulness meditation for a period of 10 minutes on a daily basis. It is recommended to select a fixed time and location for the practice.

It is not advisable to extend the duration of a mindfulness practice beyond ten minutes at a time. This is a sufficient amount of time to maintain for a week or even two weeks without difficulty. Once the ten minutes have been maintained for a week or two, the duration can be increased by one minute at a time. However, it is important to ensure that the practitioner is stable before increasing the duration. It is not advisable to increase the duration to ten minutes today, twenty minutes tomorrow, and then stop if the practitioner does not feel like it the day after. This approach is not conducive to the effectiveness of the practice.

2. Identify Appropriate Resources: It is recommended to read classic texts on mindfulness, such as "The Eight-Week Mindfulness Journey" and "The Path of Mindfulness," which provide practical exercises and techniques. Additionally, participation in mindfulness courses or workshops may be beneficial for those seeking professional guidance and support.

3. Patience and persistence are essential for success in mindfulness practice. This process requires a long-term commitment and the understanding that results may not be immediate. During the practice, individuals may encounter obstacles such as distractions and irritations. However, with patience and persistence, these challenges can be overcome.

4. Incorporate into daily life: Mindfulness practice is not merely an activity that is undertaken at a designated time and place; rather, it can also be integrated into one's daily routine. For instance, mindfulness can be sustained throughout various daily activities, including personal hygiene routines such as tooth brushing and facial washing, as well as activities like walking and eating. In these instances, one's attention is directed towards the sensations and experiences occurring in the present moment.

5. Seek Support and Share: It is recommended that you join some mindfulness practice communities or forums to share your experiences and feelings with other practitioners and gain support and encouragement. At the same time, you may wish to seek help and guidance from professional counselors or mentors.

It is my hope that the aforementioned suggestions will prove beneficial to you. Wishing you the best.

Hello!

Hi, I'm Kelly Shui!

After reading your question, I can tell you really care about other people. It's so lovely that you feel your attention is attracted to the other person. It shows you have a strong sense of awareness and that you know yourself well.

[About myself]

We understand ourselves, and often reflect ourselves through the external environment. It's totally normal to notice that as long as there are people around, your attention will be drawn to others and you will secretly observe them.

I truly believe that sensitive people can understand others through their own observations while also protecting themselves.

I can relate to this! When I was a kid, my family wasn't as stable as I would have liked. There was a lot of tension between my parents, and my mom's emotions were pretty unpredictable.

I would watch how my folks interacted, including how they felt. Later on, I realized that I would get a little nervous in new places or with new people, and that I would focus my attention on others.

At that time, I also felt a bit envious of my husband. It seemed like no matter if there were friends at home or visitors, he was always focused on his own things.

I've come to realize that I'm a bit insecure, and my husband is a little evasive in relationships.

At the same time, I also see the plus sides of different personalities and different approaches.

For example, since I can't pay attention to what I'm doing right now, I might as well try to pay attention to other people. First, accept that you are currently talking to someone and your attention is not on the content of the conversation.

It's totally normal to worry that your content isn't good enough and that the other person won't be interested.

We can also think about these relationships. It's totally normal to care about the opinions and judgments of others!

First, take a moment for yourself. Think about how you grew up. Did you receive more affirmation or more criticism?

I've often wondered if people who are always criticized become self-doubting.

As long as you keep an eye on your own feelings, you'll be able to see what's going on inside you, including that desire to be recognized and gain respect from others.

You can try writing down any of these thoughts, becoming more aware of them, and recording them after each conversation with others. It might help you to understand yourself better by sorting them out.

Self-affirmation is a wonderful thing!

It's totally understandable if someone doesn't care about their words and actions. After all, if they don't care about themselves or others, they probably don't care about their words and actions either!

I can see how you might think that, but I promise you, caring about yourself doesn't mean you don't care about others. You're just looking for a way to feel more comfortable.

Next time, I really encourage you not to judge or label yourself. You might just be a thoughtful person!

And you also have high expectations of yourself, which is totally normal! We all have different needs at different stages of our lives. You care about other people because you hope to have friends and be accepted by others, and you want to fit in.

Also, you can definitely work through this! Just ask yourself, in front of whom can you be yourself?

I'm wondering if you find it difficult to focus in places like libraries or cafés when you're surrounded by strangers?

You know, you can try different experiences to see if the people you care about have the same interests.

Some people are drawn to the opposite sex, some are more interested in strangers, and others care about the people they care about.

You said you're still quite affected by this, so I'm wondering, what have you done to help yourself?

I'm just wondering, is the one you pay attention to 24 hours a day "other people" or someone important?

If it's someone you care about, it can last a long time. Maybe you care about the other person more?

We should give ourselves a big pat on the back, recognize our own awesomeness, and show others some love. I think people who can last for several years must also have their importance.

If it bothers you, I really think you should seek professional counseling. It's a great way to talk about it, see your inner thoughts, and be aware of and pay attention to yourself.

I really hope that one day it will naturally relax!

I'd highly recommend reading "Self-Boundaries," "Growing in Relationships," and "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone."

Hello, questioner! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today!

Thank you so much for trusting us with your question! We're excited to help you find the answers you're looking for. You've asked, "What can I do about social anxiety (I'm not sure if this is the right term)?"

"After reading your introduction, I'm really excited to share some thoughts with you."

1. Introduction

1️⃣, care

You say, "Whenever there are people around, my attention is drawn to spying on others and I can't pay attention to what I'm doing. When talking to someone, my attention is not on the content of the conversation, but on my own words and actions."

Attention

Caring about something or someone is a wonderful thing! It means paying attention to them and focusing on the good stuff. And it can be positive or negative, depending on the situation.

?? Attention shift

When someone is around, the questioner's attention will be drawn to other people, paying attention to their every move. This shows that the questioner is not confident inside and is worried, so they will pay attention to what other people are doing. But here's the good news! This also shows that the questioner is interested in other people and wants to know more about them.

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of anxiety!

When someone is there, the questioner is unable to focus on what they are doing, which is a great opportunity for them to learn how to focus on the task at hand! When communicating with others, their attention is not on the content of the communication, but on their own words and actions, which is a wonderful chance for them to learn how to pay attention to what others are saying. This shows that the questioner has low self-esteem and anxiety inside, worrying that they will make a bad impression on others by behaving inappropriately, but it also shows that they are aware of these issues and are working to overcome them!

2. Time

You said, "It's quite severe. I need to be around people 24/7 and pay attention to them all the time. And it's been going on for a long time."

For at least two years!

As long as someone is there, the questioner will be in this state of tension, anxiety, and attention to others almost 24 hours a day for up to 2 years. I would love to know if the questioner had encountered something 2 years ago that made him become like this. Please tell me about it!

2. Causes of anxiety and nervousness Let's dive into the fascinating topic of causes of anxiety and nervousness!

1️⃣, post-traumatic stress reaction

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of post-traumatic stress reactions!

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of traumatic stress responses! These are a series of physical and psychological reactions that occur when an individual experiences or witnesses some major life-stressing events. These events can be anything from the sudden death of a loved one to an earthquake, a fire, bullying at school, sexual assault, and other events.

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of stress responses!

The questioner is absolutely right! It's so true that as long as someone is around, their attention will be drawn to others and they will not be able to concentrate on their own affairs. It has been two years.

This shows that this was not the case in the past. It's clear that something happened before that was not handled properly, which caused the questioner to have a persistent emergency response.

2️⃣, a sense of vigilance

? A sense of vigilance

Vigilance is an amazing psychological state that manifests itself in a vigilant and defensive attitude towards the surrounding environment or other people, in case of an emergency or potential threat.

The emergence of a sense of vigilance usually stems from concerns about the uncertain situation around you. This is your chance to rise to the occasion and show your resilience! People may display this state of mind because they are worried about unexpected situations. This is your opportunity to demonstrate your problem-solving abilities!

Nervous and anxious

People who are on their guard are actually very insecure and will show high levels of vigilance towards their surroundings or others, paying attention to what others say and do. This is a great opportunity for the questioner to practice their active listening skills! When someone is around, the questioner will be in a state of worry, tension, and anxiety, which is a natural response to a situation. It's important to recognize these feelings and allow the questioner to shift their attention to others.

In their communication with others, they are fully engaged, paying close attention to their own words and actions.

3️⃣. Due to personality

From the simple introduction of the questioner, it's clear that they're cautious, timid, and really care about what others think. I'd say the questioner is a pleasing type of melancholic personality!

Now, let's dive into the wonderful world of people with a pleasing personality!

A pleasing personality is one that is eager to please others without paying attention to their own feelings. It is an unhealthy state of mind. The essence of pleasing others is that others are more important than I am. I am only safe and loved if I make others feel comfortable.

Therefore, the questioner is more concerned about what others are saying and caring about, while ignoring the questioner's true feelings.

People with a melancholic personality are truly fascinating!

People with a melancholic personality have so many amazing qualities!

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty!

This person has so many amazing strengths! They are delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, and talented and insightful.

On the other hand, there are some less desirable traits that can be found in this personality type. These include obsessive tendencies, indecisiveness, self-centeredness, pessimism, and passivity.

From the way the questioner acts and his personality, it can be seen that he is sensitive, cautious, careful, highly guarded, loves to argue about things, and is relatively inferiority-stricken. Therefore, you will pay attention to what others are doing, and because of your perfectionist thinking, you will also make the questioner overly concerned about his words and actions, for fear that he will make a mistake. But here's the good news! You can help him overcome these issues by showing him how to be more confident in himself and his abilities.

3. What to do

1️⃣ Know yourself!

It's time to understand yourself!

Knowing yourself is the key to success! It means understanding who you are, where you come from, and where you can go. It's about recognizing your abilities, characteristics, areas of expertise, interests, hobbies, strengths, and weaknesses.

Do what you're good at!

If we understand ourselves, we can do what we are good at, what we like, and what we are capable of doing in our areas of expertise. And we can give full play to our strengths to achieve success!

2️⃣, enhance your self-awareness!

Self-awareness is an amazing thing!

Self-awareness, also known as self-knowledge, is an amazing thing! It's when you're aware of your own physical and mental states. It's characterized by purposefulness and initiative. It plays a role in regulating, monitoring, and correcting the formation and development of personality.

It's time to boost your self-awareness!

The great news is that self-awareness is something we can all develop! It's not something you're born with. It's something you gradually build up through self-knowledge, self-experience, and self-monitoring as you grow and develop as a person. And when you have a strong sense of self-awareness, you'll feel confident!

3️⃣. Be yourself!

And the best part is, you can improve yourself!

As we grow up, we develop a greater sense of self, gradually perfecting our character and learning what we can and cannot do, what we can and cannot accept, and what we can and cannot offer. It's an amazing journey of self-discovery! We constantly improve ourselves and achieve self-fulfillment.

Being ourselves is the best thing we can do!

Once we've perfected ourselves, it's a whole new world! We'll know exactly what we want and where we're going. We'll be able to handle anything that comes our way and interact with others with ease. With self-confidence, we'll be ready to take on whatever the future brings. We'll be soaring above any doubts or worries and living our best lives!

We can absolutely, positively be ourselves!

Questioner, it's totally normal to face challenges along the way. The good news is that you can overcome any obstacle, including worry, fear, anxiety, and fear, as long as you understand yourself, enhance your self-awareness, and be yourself!

Create your own beautiful future life!

I wish the original poster all the best in life!

Hello, topic starter. I'm hugging you with all my heart.

You're right. When someone is around, you're drawn to secretly observing others and can't focus on what you're doing. When you talk to other people, you're not listening to the conversation, you're thinking about your own words and actions.

It's even worse. Someone is always around, paying attention to other people 24 hours a day. And it lasts a long time.

I can relate to that. I've always struggled to relax around other people. I'm constantly worried that I've done something wrong or that I'm not likeable. So, I try to please others unconsciously. Even if I feel I've behaved badly, I'll dwell on it for a long time.

This feeling is excruciating.

I improved significantly after learning a lot about psychology. Your behavior of unconsciously paying attention to others and putting others first is a behavior of pleasing others.

I used to be a total pleaser. There were times in my life when my parents belittled and undermined me for various reasons. Once they couldn't see a good outcome, they would panic and put pressure on me.

When I get along with them, I wear a mask and live by their rules. I'm careful and don't rebel. If I don't meet their demands, they're unhappy and angry. They verbally abuse and attack me.

Over time, I felt trapped. When I was with them, I was submissive and kept my true thoughts and opinions to myself. It was as if if I didn't meet their standards, I didn't deserve to live in this world and could only be humiliated by them.

They don't see me as a person with feelings. They see me as a tool to fulfill their narcissistic fantasies.

A parent who truly loves their child will love them even if they don't turn out to be the wonderful person they hoped for. My parents themselves lacked the ability to love, and they were unable to give me true love, only false love. This is the truth, and it can be hard to accept, but you must. How could our parents not love us?

But the truth is the truth, and we must accept it.

Seeing the truth, we can stop trying to please others for the rest of our lives and just be ourselves.

(1) Seeing our own vulnerability

At home, I please my parents. At work, I please my boss. When I can't meet their expectations, I feel ashamed and think to myself, "Why am I so stupid?" I fall into a deep state of self-blame. I believe there are many people like me. We are hard on ourselves, and we must be living a very difficult and tiring life!

We have made a lot of efforts to fulfill the expectations and demands of our parents, leaders, or other people, but we still cannot satisfy them. We are disappointed with ourselves, we live cautiously, and we are afraid of not being able to meet their demands.

We must recognize our own vulnerability. We are not mere tools to satisfy the needs of others, nor are we emotionless machines. We must accept failure. If we fail, we will survive.

We must ask ourselves: why do we keep pushing ourselves so hard?

We must ask ourselves: what are we really anxious about? When we were helpless infants, we had to please our parents, otherwise we would have no way to get food and water and we would die.

Now that we're grown up, there are so many ways to earn a living and survive that we don't need to depend entirely on our parents. But we still subconsciously amplify our fears.

We always feel weak and powerless, while the other person is strong and unwavering. We dare not have even the slightest idea of our own, and let the other person dominate our lives. We are very scared, and we always think involuntarily that if we don't please our parents or leaders, we will be punished and retaliated against terribly, and we will not be able to survive in this society. We will die. This is a lie.

As long as we can please them and make them happy, our fears can be somewhat alleviated. But they are always unhappy at some point, and sometimes when they change their expression or let out a sigh, we have to be on our guard, fearing that they will explode at any moment. We are on our toes, terrified and afraid, trying our best to deal with the situation.

We don't know when they will change their minds, because their unhappiness or temper is without warning. We have to be on constant alert every day. In the long run, we will feel like we are caught in a black hole of emotional depletion, constantly being consumed and becoming more and more fragile.

(2) Learn to separate issues and establish boundaries.

If I don't meet the demands of my leader, he will lose his temper and abuse me. He will think that I am personally incompetent and form a bad impression of me. This is the leader's life topic.

If I don't meet my parents' needs, they will mock me, belittle me, and suppress me. They think I am not worthy of being their child, so they dislike and hate me. This is their life topic.

We cannot change the judgments that leaders and parents make of us; that is their own life's work. What we can change is our own judgment of ourselves. I am not a bad person just because parents and leaders judge me harshly. If I have done something wrong, I will improve and do my best.

If they cross my boundaries because of their personality problems, I will not doubt myself because of their accusations. I will protect my own boundaries. What other people think is their business, and what you think is the most important thing.

(3) Stop living for others and learn to be true to yourself and live for yourself.

We must stop trying to please others and start living for ourselves. We are not rootless duckweed floating up and down. We need to find our own foundation and take root in the soil, absorbing nutrients and growing up slowly.

Listen to your heart. Make your feelings important. Stop doubting yourself because of other people's opinions. Stop trying to please others. Prioritize your own needs. Listen to the most authentic voice in your heart. Over time, you will gradually feel that your heart has become precious.

Each of us must have the courage to let go of external judgments and find our true selves. We will no longer try to please others; we will simply be our true selves for the rest of our lives.

Best wishes!

Hello, my name is Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, and I'm a heart exploration coach.

I totally get where you're coming from. I've been in a similar situation before, so please, let me give you a hug.

I'm curious, how old is the questioner now? We'll discreetly observe others, and it's possible that the psychology related to me (especially the negative ones) is at play. The questioner might try keeping an emotional diary to become aware of their state of mind when observing others.

We all pay more or less attention to how we come across to others. When the questioner is chatting with other people, they'll probably pay more attention to their behavior, perhaps because they care too much about what others think of them, or they care about their image in the eyes of others.

It might be helpful for you to think about what's going on in your mind when you're paying attention to other people and when you're paying attention to yourself. This could help you to understand yourself better.

Paying attention to the people around you and worrying about what others think can really impact our emotions. It's okay to feel this way! It's all about understanding the root of our emotions. When we do this, we can make more targeted adjustments to help us feel better.

The questioner may want to try making some targeted adjustments.

You know, I think that trying to be less sensitive and pay less attention to other people's comments might help to reduce the anxiety and internal conflict that we sometimes feel when interacting with others.

Hey there! We all have those days where we just can't seem to catch a break. It's totally normal! But, have you ever thought about what the worst case scenario would be if you didn't perform well? It might be a bit of a downer, but it could also be a good way to prepare for the worst and relieve some of that anxiety. And, even if it does happen, at least you'll know you gave it your all!

We all have a lot on our minds! But it's only the things that really matter that leave a lasting impression. So, it might help to focus on the reasons you care about, in a way that's gentle on the heart.

It can be tough to stay focused all the time, and it's natural to let your mind wander. But, try allowing yourself to daydream and jump in your thinking. You might find it helps reduce internal conflict and helps you accept yourself a little more.

As long as you're not embarrassed, others will be too. Try to treat your relationships with a normal heart. This can help you feel more positive and reduce any internal conflict you're experiencing.

It might also be helpful for the questioner to think about whether they felt this way two years ago. When did their state of mind start to change?

It might be helpful to think about what might be causing this. If we can find the root cause of the problem, we can solve it in a targeted way!

If all the self-healing methods don't help, it might be a good idea to see a psychological counselor. They can help you adjust and work through things in a more professional way.

I'd highly recommend reading "Jump out of your head and into your life" and "The power of dullness" if you get a chance!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello! I'm Li Di, and I'm so happy we connected!

As long as there are other people around, focusing on others, if the focus of the conversation is on one's own words and deeds, and it lasts for two years, and you can also perceive this about yourself, this should make you feel very anxious and confused, right? But don't worry! You're not alone. Give me a hug. I don't understand what's wrong with me?

Here are some thoughts: Whenever there is someone else around, my attention is drawn to the other person, secretly observing them. Then what do I want to gain from the observation? Or what am I worried about? Do I feel a need to be on constant alert, longing for the other person's attention, or thinking about how I need to respond if the other person communicates with me?

During conversations, I pay particular attention to my words and actions, as if I'm eager to make a great impression. This has been going on for two years now. So what happened at the beginning that made me start behaving this way? And what are these two sides of my personality protecting me from?

Next, we can delve into this on a psychological level. From your description, it's clear you're highly attuned to others and keenly observing their behaviors. This suggests that deep down, you have a strong desire to connect with others and be recognized.

It's only natural that we all want to be understood and accepted! However, when this need becomes too strong, it can lead to discomfort or even anxiety in social situations.

The constant attention you mention may be a manifestation of your inner desire to connect with others, and also reflects your concern about how you appear to others. This feeling may stem from a perception of self-worth that is partly defined by the feedback of others.

You may be unconsciously looking for clues to confirm whether you are accepted and whether you fit in. When your attention is always on other people, you are actually trying to decipher these signals to assess whether you are safe and liked.

This behavior pattern may stem from early experiences or be a coping mechanism developed over time. It is important to recognize that while seeking connection and approval is a basic human need, overdependence on external feedback can lead to inner imbalance. This is something we can work on together!

So, in the face of these current circumstances, I'm excited to suggest the following methods!

Self-acceptance: Make time every day to get to know and love the real you, including all your amazing strengths and a few not-so-great weaknesses. You are one-of-a-kind and have so much room to grow!

Embrace self-acceptance! It's not about being satisfied with the status quo. It's about recognizing your inherent value and celebrating who you are, regardless of external opinions.

Inner Worth: Think about how your perception of yourself is influenced by the opinions of others. It's time to build a stronger sense of self-worth that is based on your own personal standards rather than external approval!

It's time to express your emotions and needs in the best way possible! Try writing, drawing, or other forms of art as a fantastic outlet to understand your feelings and find empathy along the way.

Boundary setting: It's time to learn how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships! This is not selfishness, but a great way to take care of yourself and ensure you don't over-consume yourself.

Focused practice: When you notice that you are once again focusing too much on other people, it's time for a quick reminder to get back to the task at hand! You can do this with some simple self-talk, like "I am here to get this done, not to judge."

Seek understanding: If you feel the need, discuss your feelings with someone close to you so they understand your situation and can offer you more support and understanding. It's a great idea!

Finally, I want to say that your feelings matter and that you are not alone. If you find these methods helpful, fantastic! If you need more help, I encourage you to seek professional counseling.

It is an amazingly courageous act and a wonderful way to show yourself care. And don't forget, it is equally important to take care of your mind!

I really hope my answer is helpful! And please remember, there is only one you in the whole wide world, and you deserve all the good things in life!