What are the criteria for determining if a relationship is suitable for marriage?

It seems you have some questions about whether or not to get married!

I've been married for 18 years, so I'm definitely an experienced person! I work as a counselor, and I'm passionate about intimate relationship issues, so I'm excited to share my experience and knowledge.

When it comes to time, it's all relative! There are couples who have been together since childhood and have now been married for over ten years. And there are also many modern young people who fall in love and get married after just six months or a year!

So don't worry about how many years it is on the outside. It's how you feel on the inside that matters! If you feel it's long, then it is long!

If you feel that it is still too short and that you have not spent enough time together, then it is not considered long enough — but don't worry! There's still plenty of time to make it long enough.

Regarding the question of what the criteria for marriage are, combined with the model of the three elements of love: passion, intimacy, and commitment, marriage is mainly about commitment! Whether or not to get married is about whether or not to give each other a major commitment. In this way, the criteria for marriage also have internal and external standards.

1) Internal criteria, such as do you love the other person? Do you also feel that the other person loves you?

Do you feel that this partner is reliable and safe (with a stable and secure attachment to the other person)? Do you believe that you can stay together with them for a long time (in years)? Are you willing to make such a commitment? Of course you are!

— And if both people want to be together for a long time, that is the best possible criterion for marriage!

If one of the two partners is unsure, the sure partner can imagine all the amazing things they'll feel if they were still with this person in 5, 10, or 20 years' time!

If you feel those wonderful, positive emotions like intimacy, happiness, security, stability, and warmth, then you should definitely consider marrying your partner!

If there's no feeling, or it's negative, then you've got to spend some more time together before you know for sure.

2) External standards are mainly related to material conditions and family relationships.

For example, do you have material requirements for marriage, such as buying a house? How big should it be?

And then there's the big question: who pays? Or do you both contribute a certain amount?

And these things are so exciting! Whether the partner's parents are easy to get along with, for example. These things sound external and seem like objective things, but they are actually more subjective.

It's so interesting how different people have different priorities!

And these may become "standards." For example, if a man feels that he cannot get married without earning 1 million yuan, 1 million yuan becomes the standard. A girl feels that she cannot get married without a house and a car, and at this point a house and a car also become standards.

And then there's the exciting issue of having children! Getting married and having children are two totally different things.

I got married very young, while I was still studying for my master's degree. Of course, I didn't think about having children right away, but I was so excited to start my new life together! Living together before marriage just felt like the next natural step.

But after having children, life changes in the most amazing way! The amount of housework triples, and expenses also increase exponentially.

So, you must consider getting married and having children as two separate, amazing things!

In short, there are two simple criteria for whether or not to marry your partner: both of you should follow your heart's desires, and a sense of security and certainty is very important. And both of you should be the main focus, not using yourself or the other person as a tool. When you find the right person, it's a wonderful feeling!