What do you do when you suddenly find out that your father is cheating on you?

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to give you a hug!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please know I'm here for you and I'm sending you a big, warm hug.

I heard it on Psychological FM before, and I just wanted to share this with you: it's so important to remember that whether it's the husband or the wife who cheats, both parties are to blame.

It's totally normal to feel confused when you're a kid and you don't understand what your parents are going through.

As the wonderful book A Change of Heart tells us, there are only three things we need to know in this life: our own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven.

I know it's tough, but his father's cheating is between him and his mother.

I think we'd better not interfere too much.

I truly believe that your parents are capable adults who can handle the situation with your father's infidelity very well.

I'm not sure if you're still in school.

If you're still in school, I'd encourage you to study hard and try to get good grades. That'll be the best way to show your parents how much you appreciate them.

If you've already grown up, then live your life to the fullest! It's the best way to repay your parents.

I really hope the problem you're having now gets solved soon.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could do more. I can think of only these things right now.

I really hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you! I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

I'm sending you a big, warm hug! I know it can be really hurtful when you find out your dad has been unfaithful to your mum.

I'm so sorry to hear that the image of the perfect father collapsed. I can imagine how hurt you must have felt.

Do you feel like something big is going to happen in your family and you're in danger? Why do you think your first reaction was to want to talk to him?

I just wanted to check in and see what you thought about how you were going to talk to him.

Let's start by taking a look at what an affair really is.

[Infidelity is a reaction to a lack of security]

In the book The Power of Empathy, the author talks about how infidelity is often a way of coping with a lack of security. Sometimes people cheat because they're looking for excitement, and other times it's because they're unable to resist temptation. Either way, it's a sign that they're lacking in love.

So, what's the root cause of a lack of love? Well, it's actually the basic anxiety caused by a lack of a sense of existence.

It's totally normal to feel a lack of true love and a sense of belonging, which can lead to feelings of panic and a lack of security. The wonderful American psychologist Karen Honne calls this psychological reaction "basic anxiety."

It's so sad when people don't feel loved. Sometimes it's because they didn't get enough affirmation and love from someone who was important to them when they were little. And sometimes it's because they didn't get enough approval from their family, clan, or organization when they were young or even as adults.

I'm not sure how old your father is, whether he's middle-aged or older. Just because someone has started a family and built a career doesn't necessarily mean they've matured mentally. I don't know how your parents usually get along, but if your father really cheated on you, it might mean that he's not quite there mentally. He might still be looking for a mother figure from the outside world who can give him what he's lacking inside, like a sense of worth and security. The emptiness in the heart caused by a lack of a sense of security and worth is something that can't really be filled by people or things from the outside world.

[Separate issues]

Adults often say that children should not get involved in adult matters. This can be hard to hear, but it's true. If your parents are struggling with their intimate relationships, it's not your fault.

You know, the only thing you can really do is to love yourself well. And you can do that by seeing the tricks of the "inner child" from the entanglement of your parents' relationship. I really recommend the book "The Neglected Child." It details the twelve types of families that are prone to emotional neglect of children. You know, only by understanding the nature of human nature can you effectively prevent the recurrence of misfortunes, even across generations.

Another thing you can do is have a chat with your dad about the importance of honesty. I think parents always hope that their children will have at least the virtue of honesty. In fact, honesty is the foundation of all virtues. If your dad is willing to take responsibility as a father in front of you, then he should show you what honesty looks like.

Be honest with your wife, and be honest with yourself. If the marriage is really unfortunate, you can say goodbye with dignity, but you can't treat anyone with deception.

I'm Zhang Huili, a psychotherapist, and I really hope my answer helps you. I'm sending you another hug, my sweet, sensible child. Just remember one thing: the world and I love you. And your parents love you so much.

Hello, question asker! I am Jia Ao, and I'm here to help.

I can see the problems and confusion you describe on the platform. It's clear you're having trouble communicating with your parents. You say you suddenly found out that your father was cheating. What should you do?

I don't know how you discovered it unintentionally. Tell me, did you see it with your own eyes? Or were you just beginning to suspect it?

I know your feelings are complex and conflicted. You have a choice to make between family love and a moral bottom line. What will you do?

You need to decide what to do if you suddenly find out that your father has been cheating on you. Should you go and talk to him?

You need to think about what will happen after you talk. And you need to think about what will happen if your mother finds out.

You need to protect your mother. Take care of her emotions and feelings. This is difficult, but you can do it. Anyone in your position would be troubled, but you can handle it.

Let's chat.

1. Find out the situation. If you suspect your father has been unfaithful, keep it a secret for now. Don't tell anyone, and focus on protecting your mother's feelings. Talk to your father when you're ready. Don't act out of anger. This can't be rushed.

2. [Effective communication] If you discover that your father has been cheating, as a child, you must first calm down and collect relevant evidence to confirm whether this is true. You need to have real evidence of your father's infidelity before you do anything else. Don't believe the rumors. Once you have the facts, you need to establish effective communication with your father and find out the truth. You also need to think about the real reason why your father cheated. The best thing you can do is bring him back, so you don't hurt your relationship or affect your mother's future happiness. Your father will not go further and further down the wrong path. You must be clear about this.

3. [Mediation between the two parties] Your father has cheated on you, so you should think more about the reasons why he did it. But don't blindly question and accuse your father. No matter what, he is still your father. Direct accusations and questioning will only make him feel very ashamed and lose face. After all, he is also your elder. No matter how strong their relationship is, the problems that have now arisen between them can only be resolved by themselves. You should not easily make decisions for them, but you can try to find ways to reconcile their relationship and understand their true thoughts. No matter what the outcome is, they will not have too many conflicts. Just give it a try! Don't worry too much!

It will work out.

I hope my answer helps. The world and I love you.

Hello, questioner.

From your description, it's clear that you discovered your father's infidelity, which made you feel confused and at a loss as to how to solve the problem. It's also evident that you want your family to be harmonious, but you're unsure how to talk to your father about this matter. I understand your feelings.

It is normal for children to feel hurt when they discover that one of their parents has been unfaithful. This can cause significant emotional distress. Our natural inclination is to believe that our parents should get along harmoniously. However, it is important to understand that all relationships face challenges and conflicts. Even the closest of relationships will encounter difficulties.

Here's how to solve it:

[1] Learn to separate issues.

You must understand that your father's affairs are his own business and have nothing to do with you. You may be confused as to why your father's affairs have nothing to do with you.

Everyone is independent, and therefore, the things they face and encounter are mainly done out of their own needs. If we don't stand in the father's shoes, we simply won't understand why he did it.

[2] Parents must take responsibility for their own affairs.

In this situation, each person is responsible for their own affairs. They may not be able to meet the other person's needs or may want to satisfy their own desires by providing external support.

[3] Speak with your father about the issues between them.

From your description, it's likely that your mother is unaware of this matter. Talk to her about her recent feelings and thoughts, without mentioning your father's infidelity. Then, ask him the same question: What is the reason for his actions?

[4] Take responsibility for your own affairs and be independent.

Everyone is independent, and everyone must take responsibility for their own affairs. We must also consider our own situation and our goals. We must develop our independence, strength, and independence.

Parents still need to solve their own problems. Excessive interference can aggravate conflicts. If you can't stand your father's behavior, talk to him proactively.

I am confident that the above advice will be helpful.