What does a truly stable relationship look like after being in close contact with a counselor for 6 months?

Hello, questioner!

It sounds like your counselor's detached and restrained connection with you is making you a little anxious and conflicted, right?

The first thing to consider is that the starting point and ultimate goal of counseling is to better break away from counseling and be able to live independently—and you can do it!

This is your chance to start living an independent life! The initial counseling setting agreed upon with you by the counselor is designed to avoid triggering your separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety. So in order to prepare for that day, the counselor sets up all kinds of situations to maintain a sense of distance from you, so as to prevent you from becoming

And what about dependency?

Second, you need to be aware of the conflict between wanting to get her attention through your private responses and worrying that you are imposing on her. This is an important distinction to make!

Has this ever happened to you in real life?

In other words, it's totally normal for clients to develop feelings for their counselors! They often transfer the patterns of their parents' emotional interactions.

The counselor is a fascinating case! This is what is known as transference in dynamic theory.

So, the next time you go for a counseling session, I highly recommend that you talk about this with your counselor!

Third, the so-called important people in your life, whether you forget them or not, are all just transients in your life, just like your childhood friends.

Forgotten friends are the same, so regret is part of life! Even for our loved ones, it's something we all experience. It's how we learn and grow!

And who knows, they might even forget about him!

Fourth, bring this difficult experience to your counseling room and try to learn to express it with your counselor. This may be the start of something great!

Just think of it as an inflection point in your growth!

I'm Counselor Yao, and I'm here to support you and cheer you on!

Hello, I'm Xintan Coach Feixiang, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today!

You can feel your trust in the counselor. During the six months of the counseling relationship, you feel like she is a family member who gives you understanding and acceptance. You want to have a deeper connection with her beyond the counseling relationship. So, you can't help but want to share your life with her!

However, she only deals with you during the consultation time, which is great because it means she's focused on helping you! She never responds to your WeChat messages during the week, which is totally understandable. She says that you have a clear consulting relationship, and you should maintain your own lives outside of the consultation, which is a good thing because it means you can live your life to the fullest! You know that you shouldn't have too many expectations of the counselor, but you have expectations of her. When your expectations are not met, you will be disappointed and sad, but you can also learn from this experience and grow as a person!

Let's dive right in and tackle this together!

1. The consultation settings are in place to protect both parties, which is great because it means you can get on with the important work of your counseling relationship without worrying about anything else!

Outside of the counseling, you want to share life experiences with the counselor, which shows that you are kind, friendly, and generous—a loving person who loves to share!

The counseling relationship, which lasted for six months, has made you feel a strong emotional attachment to her. I think this is inseparable from the counselor's character, professionalism, and the help she has given you. She is like a family member to you, and you don't want to part with her, let alone forget her.

It's just that the counselor ignores you outside of the consultation time, which makes you feel very hurt. You know that this is not allowed in the counseling relationship, but you still can't help but want to share it with her!

The counseling relationship has clear requirements and definitions, which is great because it means you can both set expectations from the start. You can decide on things like the consultation time and cycle, fees, and consultation goals. This is a win-win because it protects the counselor and it protects you, the visitor.

For the counselor, counseling is first and foremost a job, a loving undertaking that helps people help themselves. And work is only a part of life. In the counselor's interpersonal relationships, in addition to the client, there are also his family, friends, and so on—and that's a wonderful thing!

Apart from counseling, he also needs his own independent space. Once he's empowered, he'll be able to work better and provide professional services to more visitors, which is great news for everyone!

The best thing about a counselor is that they make you feel like you're the most important person in the room. They listen to you and show you empathy, which makes you feel valued, present, and secure. But that's not all! They also guide you with professional skills to help you discover your own resources and solve problems on your own.

You're absolutely right! You can now solve many problems on your own. I think that's precisely why you trust the counselor so much and are willing to continue to maintain a deep connection with her.

2. Seeing your emotional needs

You long to share with someone, to be seen, heard, understood, and accepted. And you can't help but bring your feelings in the counseling relationship into real life (treating the counselor as your friend)!

As mentioned above, people who love to share are actually very rich at heart. And you know what? You can find family, loved ones, and friends in your life to share your daily life with!

This is why the relationship with the counselor is so important! The counselor is there to listen and show empathy, and when you return to your life, you'll have more friends to nourish you. Ultimately, it's up to us to empower ourselves by constantly improving and strengthening ourselves in relationships.

Everyone in our lives is a special, temporary passer-by. They accompany us for a certain period of time, and when we cherish the time we spend together, it's the best outcome! There's no need to force it.

The counselor is always there for you! When you need her, she'll be there in your counseling relationship. And when you don't need her, she'll silently bless you in her heart!

Not replying to your messages is also a way of hoping that you can grow and heal yourself better and faster – it's a great way of giving yourself the space to do that!

I really hope the above is helpful to you, and to the world! And I love you! ?

If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom! I can't wait to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

You rely on your counselor and want her to respond more often. But she follows the counseling settings and will only respond at agreed-upon times or when you are in urgent need.

You say you may have to stop counseling because of money problems. The counselor ignores you or you can only find her when you need her.

You want to see the counselor as a friend, but the counselor wants to follow the rules.

The counselor-client relationship is a professional one. It is there to help the client change. It is also bound by counseling ethics.

The counselor and client are in the room together.

Outside the room, counselors usually don't interact with clients. This is to maintain neutrality.

The counselor and client have a detached relationship. The counselor is professional.

The counselor has their own life outside of the counseling room.

Psychological counseling is about helping people help themselves. The client is in charge of their own growth. The counselor's job is to help the client grow so they can cope with real life without always needing the counselor. If the client always needs the counselor, it may be a case of moving from one form of dependency to another.

Another taboo in counseling is having a relationship with a client outside of counseling. It is best for the counselor and the client to keep their relationship strictly professional.

The counselor has more psychology and knowledge than the client. Counseling ethics say that the client and counselor should have other relationships besides the counseling relationship. This should not happen until after three years.

The client-counselor relationship is usually perfect. Projection is normal, but it can't replace real relationships.

We still have to interact with other people. What is a stable relationship?

A stable relationship is one where both people can give each other emotional value. We expect sexual, resource, and emotional value from others.

If you just want a friend, they can probably provide emotional value, but they also need it.

Emotional values include respect, empathy, support, understanding, etc. See the book Intimate Relationships by Roland Miller.

You can change counselors.

I am a Buddhist counselor who loves the world.