What has imprisoned me in perpetual loneliness and depression?

Hello, I can tell you're going through a rough patch. It seems like you're under a lot of pressure at work and in your personal life. But from what you've told me, I can tell you're ready to break through this wall, you just don't know how. So let's explore together the various reasons why and how you can break through these walls.

1. "Looking back on the past ten years, I've lived in my own little world, rejected all human contact, been super sensitive to crowds, disliked the backstabbing, and didn't want to talk too much because it felt too tiring. No one could get close to me, and I couldn't get out either.

They just can't handle the complexity of workplace relationships, so they look for ways to escape, constantly searching and changing jobs. They also avoid the possibility of many intimate relationships in life!

"

(1) I sense that you've had more than a few disappointments in the past ten years. I don't know what happened to you in the past, but

What feelings and thoughts does the past bring up for you? You can always think about it more if you want to.

(2) Even though you say the past ten years were a time when you lived in your own world and resisted all human contact, I can tell you really want good relationships and to connect with people. It's just that you don't know how to do it.

Firstly, it's important to accept ourselves and our sensitive traits. Emotionally sensitive people may find it challenging to maintain energy in relationships or to not take on the emotions of others. If you encounter someone's negative emotions, you may feel the urge to retreat. Does this resonate with you? Secondly, as we navigate relationships, it's essential to care for our hearts. If we feel uncomfortable, it's okay to express ourselves reasonably. We can communicate with others on a basic level. For instance, we can say, "I need some space to process. Let's talk more about this later. I'm going to take a moment to think."

If you feel uncomfortable with someone's words, you can also tell them, "I feel uncomfortable with those words, can you not say that next time?" It's important to understand others, and it's okay if you don't understand someone now. As long as you're willing to learn, you'll be able to understand and connect with a person in no time!

Once we can understand a person, we can also learn to respect them. We'll know what to say and what not to say when getting along with them, which is the most basic form of communication. It's also a great idea to read some books about interpersonal communication and getting along with others, as well as books about human weaknesses.

(3) We all interact with people at work and in our personal lives. Have you ever felt like you were changing jobs too often or avoiding relationships? I've been there! It can be hard to feel excited about a new job when you're used to a certain environment. But it seems like we all face the same challenge, no matter how many times we change jobs. It's related to the sensitive traits we just mentioned and how we communicate with other people.

I think you'll agree. So instead of changing jobs all the time, why don't we just stay in one job for a few years and then complete our personal growth homework? What do you think?

2. "I've missed out on so much. Even if I long for it, I only satisfy my longing through pathetic daydreaming, which seems safer.

Even in happy moments, if no one is there to share them, I just smile to myself and quickly return to a depressed state. I'm more used to being in familiar places and atmospheres!

The choices we made in the past suited the person we were back then, including our perceptions and emotions. We can respect ourselves as long as we do that. Now that we are aware of this, it means that our perceptions have changed again, so at this moment in time, we can also respect the person we are at this moment in time and make different choices. But first, we must take care of that sensitive heart of ours, and give it more love and tolerance.

3. "In fact, I have the ability to make life better, but unfortunately, things are always changing, and a series of events go against my wishes.

I never thought that at thirty and established, I'd be living such a miserable life. What a relief!

So from now on, would you like to choose a working environment that suits you? Then you can continue to explore yourself and challenge yourself in your position! Even if you encounter problems constantly, we can always adjust our state of mind, communicate and interact with colleagues and leaders patiently, and perhaps you can do better and better, or even constantly break through yourself to achieve even better results! Another point is, how do you understand the concept of "thirty and established"?

I'm the same age as you, and I feel like 30 is just the beginning of life! All the hard work in the past is just building a brand new you. There's still a long way to go in the future, so there's no need to rush. Just work hard and do your best!

I really hope my answer is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best!

Good day, question asker.

"At the age of 30, I've lived such a miserable life." It seems that the questioner is full of depression/always-self-blame-always-treating-myself-as-an-enemy-its-very-painful-what-should-i-do-11945.html" target="_blank">self-blame and helplessness. Could I ask why they have been in a state of chronic loneliness and depression?

Perhaps we can work through this together?

People in our lives may sometimes perceive us as lacking in material possessions, which could potentially lead to feelings of helplessness and depression. It's understandable that we may subconsciously find this perception uncomfortable and seek to avoid it, in order to protect ourselves from feeling powerless and hurt.

This may manifest in the following behaviors:

"Living in their own world and rejecting all human contact"

"Frequently changing employment situations."

It seems that they tend to avoid many intimate relationships in life.

"Even in happy moments, when no one is around to share them, they just smile to themselves."

Perhaps we could consider changing this behavior pattern by consciously changing our inherent thinking patterns and allowing the new thinking patterns to replace the old ones. It might be helpful to adopt the new thinking pattern of seeing what we have and being grateful.

When we find ourselves reverting to our usual way of thinking, it can be helpful to ask ourselves, "What do I currently have?" It can be beneficial to try to think of as many things as possible, write them down, and express gratitude.

When we are grateful, we feel lucky. In order to be grateful, we should try our best to live and work happily every day.

Perhaps we could try to see the good in what we have by changing the way we look at things to discover it. It might be helpful to remember that every event has a positive and a negative side.

When we adopt an optimistic outlook, we are better able to identify the positive aspects of events and problems, which in turn allows us to affirm ourselves, learn from the experiences, and facilitate personal growth.

If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe that "every cloud has a silver lining." In my view, this means that we should strive to replace avoidance with courageous confrontation.

People are social by nature, and essentially everyone needs to connect with others to feel a sense of belonging and worth. It is natural for conflicts and contradictions to arise when people interact with each other. Accepting this will help us to navigate these challenges in a constructive manner.

By respecting others and allowing them the freedom to express their thoughts and behaviors, we may find ourselves in fewer conflicts with them.

It is also important to be tolerant and kind to others. By expressing our love for others and accepting their differences, we can build good relationships with them.

Good interpersonal relationships also include appropriate self-disclosure, which could be defined as expressing some of your preferences, opinions, and sharing your joy. With the advent of WeChat and other similar platforms, it is now easier than ever to express yourself.

It would be beneficial to learn about this through relevant books and to apply it in practice.

When we learn to get along with others, our working environment will likely improve. It may even become unnecessary to change jobs and environments.

I sense that the questioner may also feel that changing jobs has not yet resulted in a change in his behavior patterns in dealing with others or in his state of mind. This may require some introspection and self-growth in order to bring about a change.

It might be said that a person who can't swim won't learn to swim just by changing pools.

It can be challenging to engage in self-reflection, particularly when we feel inclined to avoid acknowledging our shortcomings or perceived failures. It's only when we're able to accept our current situation and recognize our imperfections that we can begin to make meaningful changes.

Buddha offered a similar insight when he said, "A bottle can only hold water when it is empty."

Many people who are depressed tend to be perfectionists. While striving for perfection is admirable, it's also important to recognize that imperfection is not necessarily a negative thing. In fact, embracing imperfection can be beneficial. Accepting the impermanence of life and the fact that things don't always go as planned is crucial. However, this doesn't mean giving up on striving for one's goals. Instead, it's about learning to find comfort and encouragement within oneself.

It may also be helpful to get close to nature and experience the beauty of life, as this can improve your mood. The tenacity and beauty of life in nature can offer us many valuable life lessons.

It might be helpful to develop your own interests and stick with them.

It may be helpful to consider that maintaining a regular exercise routine could have a positive effect on emotional well-being.

In conclusion, it may be beneficial to consider that modifying our thinking and behavior could potentially contribute to a greater sense of happiness and contentment.

I hope it was helpful and informative.

I hope this finds you well. Wishing you all the best,

Hello, questioner.

From your description, I sense a sense of powerlessness. It seems that you are dissatisfied with your 30 years of life, want to be redeemed, and are confused and without direction. Having no direction in life can be quite anxiety-provoking.

Perhaps we could explore this together to gain a more realistic view of the present and future, and find ways to alleviate such anxiety.

I'm wondering if you were forced into this difficult situation or if you actively sought to reconcile yourself to it.

You describe 30 aspects of yourself as "counterproductive" and "unbearable." It seems that you may have some pent-up resentment and frustration. We can explore your description in depth to gain a better understanding of the situation.

Could your "constant search" for "new jobs" be an escape from "sensitivity to people" and "complex relationships in the workplace"? You might like to consider your state of mind each time you "escape".

If it is a fear of socializing, I wonder if a new place and unfamiliar environment might help to improve this fear.

Perhaps it would be helpful to go deeper and explore these motivations further. It seems that "don't like the intrigue" and "don't want to talk too much because it's exhausting" are also strong factors for you.

If this is a possibility, it might be helpful to consider whether this motivation could satisfy you in any situation, and whether it would be beneficial to leave without getting involved with people.

Could I ask whether you feel a sense of relief whenever you switch?

When you are on your own, do you feel more isolated or more comfortable?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you regret the intimate relationships you avoid, or whether you feel little emotion in this regard.

If fear is the driving force, you may feel compelled to escape. If you actively avoid situations you dislike, it may be challenging to say that you have had a hard time over the years. You are simply being yourself and searching for what is right for you.

It is important to recognize that everyone has a different perception and responds in a unique way.

[Regarding the "fear" aspect]

If the frustration you feel at the moment is genuine, it would have been beneficial to explore the possibility of "social phobia" in the previous round. This sense of fear can make you feel driven and controlled, and may naturally lead you to accept all developments. Even if you have been satisfied with yourself for many years, it's possible that you may also experience feelings of negation and doubt about your future. It's understandable that you may have a tendency to feel depressed...

This situation is not as dire as it may seem. Seeking the guidance of a professional psychiatrist and undergoing a period of recovery and healing will gradually help you to face your challenges with greater calm. If mental illness or personality disorders do exist, they are not as concerning as they may appear, as there is a professional healing system in place. It is important to approach these issues with a positive mindset.

[Regarding the "self-fitting" orientation]

If you are actively avoiding people, engaging in backstabbing, and avoiding intimate relationships, as well as what the world considers to be the "better life," in order to find respect for yourself, and you feel the ease and comfort of being supported in this avoidance, you may wish to consider whether this is the best approach for you.

It's possible that your frustration stems from a sense of difference, a feeling that your aesthetic preferences don't align with the mainstream, and a perception of limited social support. This can create a sense of unease. As a member of a minority group, it's natural to question whether there's something about you that sets you apart.

If that is the case, you may wish to consider trying a form of therapy known as "contradictory intention therapy," which is often used to treat insomnia.

I have come to realize that I am lonely because I enjoy being alone.

If you were to perceive it this way, how would you feel?

If you have a sudden realization, it could be that you are the type of person who likes to be alone. You may not have to choose to "fit in with the love of the masses." Perhaps your choice is not to compromise yourself for the world.

If you find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts and struggling to find reasons to reject them, it might be a sign that you could benefit from professional guidance to help you navigate these feelings in a healthy way.

It's important to remember that 30 years is a long time, but it's just the beginning. Identifying problems early on can help clear obstacles for the future and eliminate the wrong options. The rest of your life is long, so there's no need to panic!

I believe that the world and I love you, and I hope you can love the world back.

Good day.

While the situation may initially appear challenging, there seems to be a significant opportunity for growth and development.

"I don't appreciate backstabbing." This is an accurate assessment. It is acceptable to express your preferences and not conform to the prevailing opinion. I encourage you to embrace this approach.

"I don't want to talk too much because it's too exhausting." You are correct in your assessment. Sometimes, what is said may not be understood by others, and if subjective assumptions are introduced, the meaning may be completely misinterpreted. There is also the possibility of criticism for expressing one's thoughts, which may outweigh the benefits.

Avoidance of intimacy in life, coupled with the experience of positive emotions without the company of others, can lead to feelings of loneliness. This can trigger a tendency to dwell on certain thoughts.

It is possible that you initially blamed yourself for past actions and did not have the opportunity to identify strategies for fostering positive interactions.

It is not productive to scold oneself. If one takes action, there is no time to scold oneself.

Your secret giggles betray a certain simplicity. You have a sunny disposition.

I must confess that I am unsure as to what is meant by the term "a familiar environment."

When in a positive frame of mind, consider whether the familiar environment is a source of happiness or a cause of complacency.

I would like to extend my congratulations to you on reaching the age of 30. At this stage in life, everyone has their own unique experiences, including both positive and negative aspects.

It is unfortunate to hear you say that you are experiencing such a challenging situation.

It is generally advised that parents refrain from making self-deprecating remarks in front of their children. Such statements can have a detrimental impact on highly sensitive children, causing them to feel helpless and compelled to protect their parents. However, it is important to note that parents' words can have significant influence, potentially making their children increasingly vulnerable.

Similarly, if you perceive yourself as "so unworthy,"

You have likely encountered numerous instances of helplessness during your formative years, often in the presence of negative energy.

You are motivated to help yourself, but you unknowingly engage in a discourse that is self-deprecating in nature.

The use of the word "redemption" indicates the presence of a motivating force.

It is important to recognize that you have the capacity to mobilize energy and take action in order to make a positive impact on your life.

It is important to recognize that self-love is a skill that can be learned and that you must be willing to learn. One way to gain a new perspective is through reading. Additionally, you can seek guidance from individuals who can provide valuable advice.

It is essential to be able to distinguish between truth and deception in order to avoid becoming a victim of such tactics in the future. This will enable you to protect yourself more effectively.

Regardless of past experiences, it is important to have confidence in yourself and in society as a whole. It is also beneficial to take time out of your day to appreciate the beauty of the sky and to allow your mind to soar to new heights.

This heart belongs to my hometown.

Hello, I'm E Liying, a listening therapist. I was immediately drawn to your question, "What is my salvation?" Let me share my heart with you!

I'd love to hear more about your situation!

You avoid socializing in your behavior. You have a fear of and avoid socializing, as it seems to imply false politeness and backstabbing, and there seems to be no simple kindness. It seems that in social situations you can't be yourself for a long time and can't feel truly comfortable. But there's a way you can change this!

You feel lonely and isolated. You feel very lonely, and you are not willing to open up to the outside world. You have no one to share your happiness with, and no one to share your sadness with. At the same time, you are not capable of "being alone with yourself." When you withdraw from the world, you don't experience the relaxation and freedom of "returning to nature after a long stay in a cage." Instead, you have the opportunity to embrace a kind of melancholy of "no one before and no one after."

You have a realistic attitude towards your own aspirations and fantasies. You feel sorry for yourself, as if the things you fantasize about can only be fantasies, that you are unable to achieve them, or that the world does not allow you to achieve them. They seem impossible to achieve through hard work, and perhaps you have tried, but then you realize that it is futile. But there's no need to feel sorry for yourself! You can achieve your dreams through hard work and determination.

You always ignore your own desires. This is your chance to embrace them! Here I seem to read a sense of powerlessness, as if your desires are ethereal and impractical, so that they don't come to the fore, or even if they do, you are unable to satisfy them.

But don't you worry! You don't have to sink because of it!

Support resources

"Sensitive to the intrigues and rivalries in interpersonal relationships?" There is a book called "High Sensitivity is a Gift," in which the chapter "High Sensitivity is an Innate Quality" describes it like this:

Highly sensitive people have an amazingly developed nervous system! We can perceive subtle differences and process information in greater depth. Our active imagination and rich inner world mean that the information we receive and perceive from the outside world triggers concepts, ideas, and connections in our brain.

In other words, you can effortlessly identify and avoid the complex and anxiety-provoking parts of interpersonal interactions, which can exhaust and overwhelm you. But you can also save yourself a lot of trouble by catching these issues early on.

You're in your prime at thirty! There are still so many possibilities for you.

Confucius said, "At thirty, one stands firm; at forty, one is not perplexed." Even the great Confucius said that people should not be perplexed by life's vicissitudes or setbacks until they are forty years old and have achieved success in their careers. You still have at least ten years to fully explore!

And there's more! In today's society, many people don't understand life until they are 50 or 60 years old. But you are still young!

Moreover, "the man who is vigorous and eager to learn is like the light in the middle of the day." You are in your prime, exploring inwardly the source of your life and outwardly the world of your interpersonal relationships. What an amazing time in your life!

You absolutely have the power to make your life better!

This is not something I made up. You said it yourself! In terms of ability, you are now capable of making your life better. So, when you untie the mental or other constraints, you are capable of fulfilling your desires, living the life you like, and making some of your visions and fantasies come true!

Oh, a heart that wants to be redeemed!

Psychology emphasizes the principle of "no help without request," and German psychologists propose that "whoever is suffering, whoever changes." This is great news for clients! It means that if you're willing to make a change, counseling can help you.

You've got this! A good start is half the battle. When you want to save yourself, you are already on the path to a better life.

Here's an exciting possibility!

Embrace the past: If you want the new to come in, you've got to let the old go. Is this your way of protecting yourself?

I believe that in your past life, you constantly fled from complicated workplace relationships, constantly looking for and changing jobs, as a way to protect yourself. As I mentioned earlier, you longed to solve the various interpersonal problems you encountered in the workplace by directly [changing your work circle] and [directly changing your colleagues].

Maybe you, like me when I was young, are just starting out in the workplace and have experienced all kinds of bad things, such as PUA, leadership changes, being forced to take sides, being forced to take the blame, etc. Maybe you live in a complicated family, or your nurturer has been bullied at work... In short, the best way for you to protect yourself when you are young is to run away! And then, you can start fresh!

I truly believe that these actions of yours have, to some extent, unconsciously completed the protection of yourself.

And there's more! From "High sensitivity is a gift":

Maybe you've already automated the learned rules so much that you can follow them unconsciously. But here's the good news: you can update these rules to make them more relevant to you!

So now you can choose to let this ever-changing, unstable life become a thing of the past and choose a new, stable, harmonious way of life!

Embrace the change! It's time to realize that both pain and happiness come from people.

I absolutely love what psychologist Adler once said: "All troubles come from human relationships!" I couldn't agree more!

But at the same time, there's another amazing thing to consider: "All happiness also comes from interpersonal relationships!"

The book "The Courage to Be Disliked" puts it this way:

Happiness is a sense of contribution!

This is where it gets really exciting! When you're in a harmonious group and you and the other people in the group are "contributing" to each other rather than "competing" with each other, it's amazing how happy you can be!

Now, let's go back to your perceptions and behaviors. It seems to me that you are "escaping bad social interactions," but I don't see you "pursuing good social interactions." Let's change that!

Now for the fun part! It's time to assign a value to intrigue and harmony and comfort.

It is said that there is no shortage of beauty in life, and it's true! But there is a shortage of eyes to see it. So here's a little tip for you: you need to explore what kind of social environment you are in, or the most desirable social environment you have seen in movies, TV dramas, or books. Then, you should calm down and ask yourself three questions:

Now, let's have some fun! Imagine that in this environment, extreme intrigue is 10, and a complete lack of intrigue is 0. What score would this environment get?

"If the earth restarts today and my social environment becomes particularly harmonious, what kind of behavior can represent that it is harmonious and comfortable?"

"My current environment is 10 if it is extremely harmonious and comfortable, and 0 if it is not. How would you rate it?"

Expand your social circle with your own preferences, share more happy things, and find a response—it's as simple as that!

I'm going to quote an old saying again because it's so true! There's an idiom, "a strong man breaks his wrist." Maybe, just maybe, if you need to completely cut off your old, undesirable social circle and welcome a new one, how should you go about finding the social circle you want?

Like attracts like! The law of attraction is a powerful tool that can help you attract the kind of people you are or want to become. Make the most of online platforms like WeChat official accounts, Xiaohongshu, and Bilibili. Share what you love on your favorite platforms and watch as like-minded people come flocking in!

Embrace what you love and let it shine through! You'll become the amazing person you've always wanted to be and make friends with people who truly match your vibe.

I'm thrilled to say that my best friend of more than 10 years is someone I met online in an essay competition!

"I want to change the world!" → "Start with the world around you"!

Sometimes we remember those lofty words we spoke as children, telling us to change the world. Sometimes we feel that it would be better to change our environment, to move to a big city, to go back to our hometown... But in fact, where we are is the world, and it's a great place to be!

The system is self-organizing, and any change at one point in the system can cause a change in the whole system until a new balance is formed. No matter what environment you are in, you can be a lever to move your social circle—and that's an amazing thing!

If you're brimming with motivation, this is an excellent method for you!

Go on an inner journey! Even introverts have their own springtime.

Spending time with yourself is also a fantastic way to find happiness!

People are only a part of the world, and there's so much more out there to explore! We have infinite connections to nature, to religion, to craftsmanship, to science, to the soul...

When you feel empty, it's not just people who can respond to you. There are so many other possibilities out there! Loyal dogs, proud cats, delicate tea cups, beautiful silks... The world is really big, and you have so many amazing things to explore!

Oh my goodness, it was so lovely meeting you, little whale!

The world and I love you so much!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

Thanks so much for trusting us and sharing your concerns with us.

I can tell you're lonely from what you've said. You've closed yourself off completely and locked yourself away. I'm curious about what happened around you that made you hide yourself for 10 years.

1. Look into what's causing your depression/easily-influenced-by-surrounding-information-leading-to-a-sense-of-isolation-and-loneliness-11479.html" target="_blank">loneliness.

From what you've told me, I can see why you're feeling lonely.

1. Rejects all human relationships.

2. You're sensitive to crowds.

3. You don't like intrigue.

4. You don't like to talk much.

All four of your unwillingnesses point to people, and you are refusing to connect with the wrong people. You are afraid of being hurt, so you start to close yourself off.

I think you're ready to open up to others and find a way to connect with people. That's why you asked such a good question: "What has imprisoned me in perpetual loneliness and depression?"

2. What happened to you 10 years ago?

You said you've been living in your own world for the past 10 years. I don't think you'd choose to do that unless something had happened to make you doubt people's trustworthiness and feel insecure.

You're now 30, but 10 years ago you were 20. That was the prime of your adolescence and you were full of energy. It was also the start of your career. You should have a wide range of connections with people.

At this point, you start to worry about crowds. When you see them, your sensitive nature makes you think of the backstabbing and scheming that goes on. You're afraid of saying the wrong thing, so you don't want to say much. That makes you feel tired and insecure.

I think it's likely that you've experienced some pretty negative interpersonal conflict in your life. I suspect you're a melancholic personality, sensitive and a perfectionist who pursues truth, goodness, and beauty.

So you tend to be pessimistic and passive. You feel powerless when dealing with complicated interpersonal relationships.

So you just hide your feathers, take refuge in your own hut, and try to cut off your links with others to protect yourself. You really feel like "others can't get close, and you can't get out."

You've lost trust in people and are worried about being hurt by ruthless relationships.

Miroslav Mišković says that feeling the pain of seeking solitude and loneliness is a way of protecting yourself from feeling like you're disappearing in the presence of others.

You think you could make life better, but you're afraid of connecting with people. This makes it hard for you to trust or feel secure, and you find it tough to handle complex relationships. So, you turn on your defense mechanism, trapping yourself like a bird in a cage. Even though the threat has gone and things are always changing, you still find yourself facing a series of challenges that go against your wishes.

3. Desire to connect

For 10 years, you've been longing to reconnect with people. But the ambivalence you feel about not wanting to deal with the complexities of human relationships has been preventing you from taking action. Every time you try to take a step forward, you remind yourself that it's a bottomless abyss.

You're held back by a lack of trust, a lack of security, and the complexity of human relationships.

You tried to switch jobs to get away from the complicated relationships at work. You want to be more intimate, but you're held back by a lack of trust and a sense of insecurity. That means you don't get to experience a lot of the good things in life, like sharing.

You only feel satisfied when you're fantasizing about good times, and you feel safer without human connections.

4. Salvation

You said you can't be happy and quickly return to a depressed state. But it seems like you've been avoiding dealing with interpersonal relationships, which has led to unsatisfactory results, not depression.

If you open the door to connection and conquer your fear of connecting with others, depression will disappear automatically.

So, how can you be redeemed and free yourself? You need to connect with people.

Pamela Qualter, who studies developmental psychology at the University of Central Lancashire, found that after experiencing loneliness, people are driven to reconnect with others. This is called the "reaffiliation motive," and it kicks in when people have been lonely for a while.

1⃣️, find the right person

You closed yourself off in the first place because you didn't connect with the right person, so you lacked trust and a sense of security. When you connect with the right person, they'll help you.

Help you get back on your feet and regain a sense of trust and security.

2⃣️, Ask for help

You can't solve all your problems on your own. It's important to help each other out.

If you feel stuck in your own way of thinking, ask someone to show you a different approach. Step outside your comfort zone, tackle the immediate problem, and you'll see a whole new perspective.

3⃣️, Build self-confidence

If you close yourself off, your mindset when facing a crowd is "I can't do it." That's why you don't take a step forward.

Now, you try to start a connection with someone you trust, and you ask them to do things with you and take part in your activities. For every success, give yourself a small reward to motivate yourself to take another step towards a wider range of people. Build up the confidence to make connections.

This is an important step in opening yourself up to human interaction.

4⃣️ Cut out limiting beliefs

In the past, you were afraid to take the first step to connect with others. You were more or less limited by thinking, "If I do this, what will others think of me?" This limited thinking affected your ability to act. Once you think that the benefits of connecting with others outweigh the disadvantages, even if you are rejected, misunderstood, blamed, or judged, so what?

I'd say the benefits outweigh the costs. If the first attempt fails, what happens the second time?

You've got this! Success will definitely happen on the third or later attempt. Eliminate limiting beliefs and believe in yourself, and the result will definitely be positive.

5⃣️, Give and take, and enjoy the beauty of the world.

When you connect with others, share with them, and help them out, you'll feel the joy of giving to one another.

Happiness is contagious. It can spread to your family, your friends, and even people you don't know.

When you're happy, you'll notice the beauty of the world around you and be open to new experiences.

In short, take the first step with confidence, and you'll find wonderful opportunities arise without you even noticing. I'm sure you'll start to feel more confident.

Have a great day!

I've come to view you as the person I aspire to be. I don't feel any sense of inadequacy. I'm 20 years old now, and I hope to become someone like you in the future.

Perhaps this is an unhealthy state of mind, but I don't believe he has any problems.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that being sensitive can sometimes lead to unnecessary trouble and keep you away from the intrigues and scheming of others. Rather than living a life you don't like just to avoid being on the wrong side of someone, it might be more beneficial to stay true to yourself.

It would be wise to avoid excessive nepotism, as it could lead to difficulties. While avoiding crowds may seem like a mistake, it can be a way to avoid unnecessary trouble.

Of course, it's not always the best approach to run away from things. When you like someone, it's important to be brave and seize opportunities, as you mentioned. It's crucial to fight for what you want and let go of what you don't.

Perhaps it would be best to simply wait and see what happens. If someone else can't come in, you can't go out. In fact, you just closed the door yourself. Since you've already closed the door, there's no need to open it. Open a window and look at the scenery outside. If there's someone suitable, then let someone pass an apple in.

If you meet someone you feel is worth your time, it might be worth considering opening the door a little wider for them. After all, your joys and sorrows are still worth sharing.

I believe the current confusion may be due to a lack of clarity regarding your goals and desires. It would be beneficial to take some time to reflect on these aspects of your life.

Then perhaps all the other problems will be solved. If you feel this way of life suits you, you might like to consider trying a different way of life.

Hello, I hope this message finds you well.

I'm a bit of a homebody, so I can really relate to what you mean by "loneliness." Just wanted to send a little hug your way to hopefully bring a little warmth.

I've read your confessions a few times and took notes on a few key words.

"Sensitive," "evasive," "missed," and "unbearable" are things that make you resist.

You look forward to and feel sure of things like "intimacy," "security," "happiness," and "competence."

As you can see, you've done a great job of taking a deep dive into your own thoughts and feelings over the past ten years. Well done!

You realize you're capable, eager, and ready to make life better.

What do you think is a better way to live?

A stable work environment, a good intimate relationship, and a sense of security. Is that right?

There's nothing wrong with your current situation. Being sensitive is a gift. Many wise people are lonely, and it's natural to avoid conflict and fear harm.

What will really hurt you is your own self-doubt and self-blame, your internal conflict of "resisting but continuing, unable to accept but indulging."

A "panacea" for you? It's simple: accept yourself, allow yourself, and embrace your current self.

Once you start accepting yourself and putting an end to the internal conflict and depletion, you'll see that many things you've always found scary and confining aren't so bad after all.

You can have a stable job, a close relationship, and a sense of security. You can give yourself that.

You know you have what it takes, so you can do it!

If you're up for it, let's do this!

Perhaps you are the subject of the inquiry?

The question and the way it is phrased are somewhat contradictory.

If the individual in question is thirty years of age but has been residing in a self-imposed isolation over the past ten years,

Therefore, there are still 20 years of the questioner's actual life remaining, during which they will continue to accept all people.

Are you indifferent to others, able to accept deceitful behavior (or not noticing it), or willing to engage in conversation without fatigue?

I hope the questioner does not perceive my comments as nitpicking, but the initial observation was made by the questioner.

From a psychological perspective, even seemingly inconsequential actions can reveal underlying tendencies.

Furthermore, you wrote the question yourself and offered a reward in the hope that someone else would answer it.

Therefore, either you have not exhibited these tendencies, or you have experienced a significant event within the past ten years, which you have not yet fully processed.

You have not yet emerged from this situation, correct?

However, it is important to understand that you have chosen to dedicate this decade to this particular path.

There is no inherent problem with changing jobs or missing out on intimacy.

There is no inherent problem with indulging in fantasies.

While there may have been some missed opportunities, it is clear that you have gained a sense of security and control over your circumstances.

It is also possible that even if you have remained in the same position, you may have missed out on the opportunity to gain experience in different fields and to develop your skills in new areas.

It is not possible to know with certainty that if you had those intimate relationships, they would not be hurt by the loss of money and affection.

Even if it's just a fantasy, it provides a sense of satisfaction. The reality is often miserable, cold, and indifferent, which is a tragic state of affairs. There is also a kind of tragedy called not even having the opportunity or possibility to fantasize.

If the questioner has only been able to escape for ten years, it would be prudent to acknowledge gratitude for having the opportunity to do so. However, it is challenging to ascertain whether someone has been a source of support and assistance during this period.

Otherwise, it is reality that imprisons you and makes you bow.

I do not wish to discourage you, but it is important to recognize that the ability to "make life better" is not always within our control.

If you do not currently possess a particular item, it is because you have not yet achieved your goal of acquiring it.

Do not dwell on the transitory nature of circumstances. It is a standard feature of the business landscape. Your objective has consistently been to secure a fulfilling career in the context of this impermanence.

You have achieved a commendable level of success and have secured the stability and comfort of the past.

Ultimately, performing tasks in which you excel in a setting with which you are familiar can be considered a comfort zone.

It is evident that you have been operating within the confines of your comfort zone, which is a commendable strategy.

Is this truly an unbearable situation, or are you merely dissatisfied?

Is this an instance of redemption, or is it simply a desire to break through?

It is not a topic that is discussed with others. When an individual is experiencing positive emotions, such as happiness, they are still happy and smiling. Similarly, when an individual is experiencing negative emotions, such as depression, they are still in a safe and familiar environment, and they have not been hurt, or they can prevent themselves from being hurt so much, right?

It is my hope that the questioner will be able to properly, objectively, and calmly evaluate their situation and life, learn, and discover the benefits of the choices they have made at this stage, whether they are obvious or hidden.

People are inclined to pursue benefits and circumvent drawbacks, even if the benefits are merely a matter of habit.

But what is habit? It could be defined as the ability to avoid making decisions and to simply repeat the same choices.

From my own perspective, I do not consider remaining within my comfort zone to be a disadvantage.

While maintaining a secure, comfortable, and positive environment is important, it is also essential to learn to be content with the present and accept the reality of the situation.

Similarly, it is possible to be dissatisfied and want to change. In order to accumulate the resources needed to pursue new opportunities, it is essential to fulfill the obligations inherent to one's current role.

If you wish to avoid loneliness, you must proactively seek out new connections and be prepared to face the possibility of being betrayed.

Those seeking fame, fortune, money, or even a good figure must be prepared to pay the price. Self-control, restraint, and caution are essential. At the very least, one cannot afford to ignore the ways of the world or eschew the need to be devious and rise to challenges, even if it means becoming someone one is not.

It is essential to be resilient in the face of challenges to achieve success and growth.

While remaining indoors may provide protection from the elements, it also limits one's ability to appreciate the surrounding environment.

There is always a cost-benefit analysis to be made. It is not stated that one must work outside the home, nor that one can only remain inside the home.

Ultimately, the decision to go out or stay at home is one that we each make for ourselves.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both going out and not going out.

There are no mistakes, and the decision is always ours to make.

Furthermore, we are not liable for any of the aforementioned circumstances.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference and may be beneficial.

Hello, question asker. Let me give you a warm hug.

Given that you've been lonely and depressed for years, I feel sorry for you. It must be tough on your mind. I'm here for you and I hope you feel the support of having someone with you.

When I look back on the past decade, I realize that I've been living in my own world, avoiding all human contact. I'm sensitive to crowds, don't like scheming and fighting, and don't want to say

"It's been a tough decade, hasn't it? It seems that you have had a hard time, having been alone for 10 years and lonely for 10 years."

You don't like being on your own.

You don't want to socialize, get involved in other people's intrigues, or deal with complicated relationships at work. You're tired of avoiding all this yourself and constantly looking for and changing jobs.

You also avoid a lot of opportunities for intimacy. You're missing out on a lot.

Even your longings are only satisfied through pitiful visions and fantasies, which seem safer. It seems like you lack a sense of security and are afraid of losing your feelings and close people.

If you don't feel secure, you're really lonely, and that loneliness is like floating on an island.

I think we have a lot in common. We both like to stick to what we know and avoid making new friends or venturing into unfamiliar territory. You still hope that someone can share your happy moments with you, but because you don't want to deal with other people and you feel insecure, you still choose to be happy and sad alone.

You feel like no one can really understand you, like no one will understand you fully.

You're 30 now, but you still have a lot of unresolved issues. You're unhappy with the status quo and want to make changes.

But you still like to stay in an environment you're comfortable with and feel at ease in. It makes you feel safe.

You say that things are uncertain, as if you've experienced some tough situations that have made you doubt yourself.

You know what's made you this way.

I'm not sure what your upbringing was like, how your parents supported you, or what your experience has been since you started working.

When you say you're depressed, do you mean you've seen a doctor? Did the doctor give you any medication?

Are you often in a bad mood?

It seems like you have a lot of goals you want to achieve, but you've become uncertain about the world because of years of loneliness and depression.

When you say that life is unbearable, are you talking about work, relationships, or something else?

What are you feeling like doing right now? Do you have any ideas on how to change the current situation?

You might want to try listening to music, going for a run, fishing, hiking, walking, or walking the dog to relax and help with your depression.

Loneliness isn't necessarily a bad thing. We're still very resilient and can handle a lot of stress.

You can also accept yourself and this loneliness. If you can be at peace with yourself, you can accept socializing and intimacy more easily.

I hope you find this useful.

I love you all, and I love the world.

Everyone can help others by sharing their words. This helps us all.

Hello, I'm a heart exploration coach. You feel lonely and helpless. You run away, but you also want to connect with others.

You want to make a change, but you lack the courage to act.

Let me give you a hug. You're sensitive and aware. Let's look at the problem.

1. Know loneliness.

Loneliness is feeling isolated from other people. You are sensitive to crowds and always want to escape, but you are also overwhelmed by a sense of loneliness.

Loneliness is a form of self-isolation. You keep changing jobs and avoid intimate relationships.

But when you escape from the crowd, you can't bear being alone.

This causes conflict and exhaustion.

You feel lonely because you don't accept yourself.

To connect with others, we must first connect with ourselves.

If you don't like yourself, you can't like others. If you avoid people, you can't connect with them.

You won't be able to enjoy connecting with others.

Dealing with loneliness

1) Stay aware.

Meditate to connect with yourself, give yourself positive feedback, and love yourself more.

Writing is a way to talk to yourself. It helps you heal.

2) Switch from passive to active:

Take back your right to choose. Loneliness is a feeling, so you can change "have to" to "I can choose."

Words have power. Our interpretation of words gives them meaning. We can also change our understanding of words.

3) Value yourself more.

Start by giving yourself positive feedback, finding three good things about yourself each day, and writing down three things that make you happy.

As you said, you've missed out on a lot because you've been isolated. You want to share things with someone, which is a good realization. You can try to make small changes to achieve a breakthrough.

If you don't set off, how will you arrive? The world is beautiful. Come and see for yourself.

I hope this helps. I love you.

To keep talking, click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom. I'll talk and grow with you one-on-one.