What if a relative passes on the message that "not getting married and remaining single forever is miserable and pitiful"?

Greetings, question asker.

My name is Xiaobai, and I am free from worries. It is my hope that I can assist you in alleviating your concerns.

After a thorough examination of the initial inquiry presented by the original poster, it is my intention to extend a gesture of affection.

In this section, I will present my views and suggestions in the hope that they will be of assistance to you.

❤️ ❤️ "The decision to marry is a personal one, and the decision not to marry is also a personal one."

When returning to one's familial residence for the New Year, which aspect of public interaction do you find most daunting? Some individuals cite financial concerns, while others express trepidation about being subjected to comparisons.

The attention of one's relatives is a significant concern for many individuals. As one reaches a certain age, it is not uncommon to receive suggestions or pressure from family members regarding marriage.

Nevertheless, each individual possesses the prerogative to determine whether or not to enter into matrimony. Should one encounter a suitable partner, that is undoubtedly a favorable outcome.

However, if the sole motivation for marriage is the desire to formalize the relationship, the marriage is unlikely to be sustainable.

A meaningful love is a reciprocal love, and there will always be someone who can empathize with you. It is simply a matter of time. A fine wine does not require a description to be appreciated.

It is essential to be accountable.

It is of the utmost importance to take the initiative in all matters pertaining to marriage, including the decision to get married. It is essential to inform one's parents in advance of one's preferences regarding the characteristics of a prospective spouse, the desired timeline for marriage, and the lifestyle one aspires to lead.

If one's parents are able to comprehend the situation, they will grant the individual the necessary time to identify a partner and a lifestyle that aligns with their personal goals.

Naturally, if one is fortunate enough to have parents who are reasonable and understanding, it is always advisable to keep them informed of one's circumstances.

For example, I would inform my parents that I had met someone this year and that the relationship had not progressed. They would then be aware that I had attempted to form a romantic attachment, but that it had not succeeded.

Furthermore, it is likely that your parents will be reluctant to discuss the matter with you on a regular basis, due to their awareness of the sensitive nature of the topic.

It is important to note that marriage is a significant event in one's life. Therefore, it is crucial to approach the process with careful consideration and patience. Over time, with the right approach and circumstances, the ideal partner will eventually emerge, bringing warmth and positive experiences.

If a particular viewpoint is deemed to be beneficial, it should be given due consideration. Conversely, if a perspective is deemed to be irrelevant or inappropriate, it should be disregarded. Ultimately, the individual possesses the autonomy to determine the relevance and applicability of any given viewpoint.

In conclusion, the aforementioned views and suggestions are presented for your consideration. It is my hope that they will prove beneficial to you.

I wish you the best of success in your endeavors.

Dear girl, I can see from your message and your replies to the other respondents that you are going through a lot. It seems that you are feeling distressed, helpless, irritated, disgusted and sad.

Love and marriage are originally private matters, but they can sometimes be influenced, hijacked, coerced, and blackmailed by well-meaning relatives. This can make it challenging to maintain a sense of personal boundaries and a sense of powerlessness can arise.

From your message, I understand that you are open to the idea of marriage and love, and you believe you can find happiness in this process. However, past experiences have made you hesitant to take the next step, and many of your relationships have been introduced by relatives, such as your seven aunts and eight uncles, which has also caused challenges along the way.

I believe that at that time, you were seeking someone to provide comfort and reassurance, rather than being rushed along like a disposable product to the next stop to see if there is someone more suitable.

I empathize with your situation. It's unfortunate that your elders, who may have been influenced by traditional views on marriage and love, are using your blood relationship to restrict your choices and relationships. I admire your resilience in standing firm despite the challenges.

Everyone has the right to love and be loved. Everyone also yearns for heartfelt care and affection from others.

When love becomes a task or even a bargaining chip, it can lose its meaning and become a destructive force. It can even be perceived as a lie in the name of love. What's even more challenging is that the people who engage in such actions may not even realize the impact of their actions.

As the more lucid party, perhaps you could consider trying something further.

1. Perhaps it would be beneficial to step out of the marriage market set up by your relatives and pursue the true love you yearn for.

It can appear to relatives that getting married is simply a task, a way of embarking on the "normal life" of starting a family in the worldly sense. This way of acquiring love is often more utilitarian, with less emotion and more rational choice.

Marriage is not simply a destination; it is a journey. As a married person, you are responsible for navigating the daily challenges of married life. Relatives who are vocal and demanding may not have considered your emotional needs before marriage. Even after marriage, they may continue to view you through a worldly lens and may also face the difficulties you may encounter.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider an alternative approach. Given that you have chosen to take responsibility for yourself, you have the option of choosing a path that leads to the love you desire.

Life has not given you a safe, beautiful, and friendly external environment. You are fortunate, then, to still have an independent and self-responsible heart. You may wish to consider that true love will bring happiness. If so, you might then choose to put your time and energy into trying to become a better version of yourself.

It might be helpful to consider your preferences and specialties, to take a moment to appreciate yourself.

2. It is important to understand that maintaining boundaries is not an overnight process. In order to do so, it is necessary to insist on them without hostility and to take responsibility for your own future.

It is important to remember that the words of the elders are shaped by their own worldviews, which may sometimes be well-intentioned or, on the other hand, may contain elements that could be perceived as malicious. It is also important to recognize that Chinese culture has traditionally placed great emphasis on filial piety and respect for the elderly.

It is worth noting that verbal opposition can cause distress and confusion for children growing up in such a culture.

It is important to remember that everyone has the right to pursue happiness in their own way.

In the face of a noisy external environment, it may be helpful to remain calm and politely decline.

Over time, the other person may also come to realize that they are unable to achieve the sense of control they desire in this situation. This may result in their interest waning and them moving on.

When you are living a wonderful life, you may find that you have more trust in yourself, and that those voices become less relevant.

It is important to understand that this cannot be achieved overnight. We must also be aware that stubborn worldly forces will always make a comeback, and that cultivating a sense of inner firmness and practical action is also experienced again and again in the process.

It is my sincere hope that the above words will prove supportive for you, and that you will find success in all your endeavors.

It is my sincere hope that the above words will prove to be a source of support and blessing for you.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to check in and see if you were smiling. Best regards,

After reviewing your description, I have a better understanding of the question you wish to ask. In this regard, I would like to extend my support and encouragement.

From your description, I can understand the rationale behind your decision not to marry at this time. I can also comprehend some of your current actions.

The older generation has traditionally held the view that a woman's ultimate goal is to get married and have children. However, with the development of times and society, many concepts are being updated. This inevitably leads to a clash between tradition and modernity. It is therefore important to navigate these changes effectively.

It is important to note that the primary objective of a woman is not solely to perpetuate the family line. It is also erroneous to view a woman as a mere instrument for marriage. The growth and development of women should not be constrained by the limitations of the family unit. Instead, they should have the same opportunity for self-realization as men. If you have the intention to get married and have children, that is a personal decision. Similarly, if you do not have such intentions, that is also a valid choice. Getting married and having children is a personal decision, not a mandatory one.

In regard to your brother-in-law's behavior, he has crossed the line by imposing his views on you without realizing the distress this causes. However, you are not obliged to accept his ideas. Ultimately, you are the decision-maker, not those around you. For example, your brother-in-law believes women should marry and have children. If you do not, he considers you wrong. However, there are two reasons for this. First, he is concerned about you and wants you to leave your current situation by marrying. He may have used an inappropriate approach, which many find objectionable.

Secondly, he believes that marriage is not an inappropriate choice and therefore encourages you to pursue it. It is important to note that individuals tend to evaluate the merits of a decision based on their own moral standards.

In this regard, I have also provided a summary of methods to help alleviate the current situation, with the goal of providing assistance.

(1) The decision to marry is entirely yours to make. It is possible to be happy without marriage, and it is also possible to fall in love. It is therefore advisable to keep an open mind about the issue of marriage.

(2) It is recommended that you discuss the matter with your close friends to help you process your thoughts and emotions.

(3) I understand that you have consulted with a counselor on this matter, but you are still undecided about whether to proceed with the marriage. I advise you to explore this option at a leisurely pace, as different stages of life bring different perspectives.

(4) You are the ultimate decision-maker in your own life. While the opinions of others are valuable, you have the autonomy to disregard them if you see fit. Ultimately, your life is your own to live as you see fit.

It is not uncommon to value the opinions of others. However, it is important to recognize that excessive concern about external perceptions can lead to fatigue.

(6) It would be beneficial to focus on activities that enrich your life and align with your interests, rather than spending time on tasks that are not as valuable.

Best regards, [Your name]

Best regards,

Hello! Perhaps we could start by embracing the world and each other, and expressing our love for one another.

I hope you will accept this as a letter from a friend in a distant place. Wishing you well!

My dear girl,

It seems that your face lights up when you see words.

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you have experienced.

From your words, I can see that you desire to break free from your hardships, and I can sense your softness and strength.

From what I have read about what happened to your father when you were young and the way your stepmother treats you, I feel that you would benefit from some physical affection.

You mentioned that you were closest to your father, but that he was separated from you by your stepmother. This made me realize that there might be some barriers and obstacles to your close relationship with your parents in the family. The coldness of your stepmother and the layer of parent-child relationship between you and your father made me feel that the fatherly love you have might be somewhat reserved.

It is often said that "home" is a warm harbor, and we can all relate to the idea that there is no perfect family in this world, and therefore no perfect harbor. From your description of the family environment, I can sense that there may be some pressure and stress, and that the warmth of the family could perhaps be enhanced.

From what you have shared about the mother-daughter relationship between your sister-in-law and her daughter, even though it is only briefly described, I can appreciate your feelings of longing for a closer bond between parent and child.

There is a sense of longing, and the heart is drawn towards the sun.

You have shown me a softer side of your emotions, and I am very happy to have met this side of you. You should know that this softness is also strength, and it is this strength that we need to pursue happiness.

You say, "I find the idea of investing time and effort into maintaining and cultivating a relationship somewhat exhausting. I do recognize that it hasn't always worked out in the past, and I don't have particularly high expectations for a relationship. However, I do believe that happiness can be found in the process."

I believe this may be the reason and excuse for your rejection of romantic relationships.

From what you've shared, it seems that your parents' marriage may not have been the ideal example for you. It's understandable that this could shape your views on marriage and love.

I believe that your views on marriage may have been influenced by your parents, and that you may still be affected by this influence. This could be why you feel you are holding back.

I wonder if I might ask why the person bombarding you with information and instilling thoughts about marriage is not your father, but such a distant uncle.

From your description of this information overload, I sense that you may still have some reservations about marriage.

I hope you will consider answering a few questions that I have prepared. I understand that some of the questions may make you feel uncomfortable, but I hope that by answering them, we can gain insight into our deeper inner needs.

I hope you can find it within yourself to explore your inner voice and understand your true needs, despite the suffering you are currently experiencing.

I must admit that I find their messages somewhat annoying, and I have to say that I am not entirely optimistic about marriage.

I am grateful for their visits because they make me feel a little bit noticed or cared for.

I must admit that I find it somewhat challenging when they bring up the topic of marriage with me. I'm not sure if it's the approach or the attitude that I find difficult to accept. I do feel that the tone of their voice can sometimes be hurtful, but I also feel a little warmth because of this barrage of information.

I am grateful to have someone who cares about me and to have experienced what it is like to be lonely.

5. Should I consider a change in my attitude towards marriage and give it a try? I am aware that some marriages are happy, but I would prefer to continue with my current approach, as I feel that continuing to rebel would result in a continuous stream of messages from those around me.

After exploring the above five questions, you may gain insight into your true inner needs.

I hope you will continue to receive love and support in the future, from family, loved ones, friends, or a partner.

I believe that everyone needs a great deal of love. I wish you the very best.

However, our conversation is not over. At this point, I would prefer not to discuss your family with you, as it is your past. We cannot change what has already happened, but we can focus on the future.

I would like to move on to discuss the aspects of our situation that we can change.

It is possible that the current state of your parents' marriage has influenced your views on marriage. While we cannot change the current state of our parents' marriage, we can explore the views on love and marriage.

Could I respectfully propose that we consider the meaning of love and marriage?

It might be helpful to consider exploring more kinds of meanings and models. One of my favorite novels, Pride and Prejudice, offers an interesting example. The sisters in the book come from the same family, but because they pursue different things and have different principles, their love lives and marriage outcomes are very different.

While the background of the book is different from our modern era, it still offers valuable insights into the essential meaning of love and the challenges it faces in our current romantic relationships.

Many classic books explore views on love. From my reading and exploration of these books, I have found that the protagonist's actions often provide reassurance, while the situations of the supporting characters often prompt thought.

Perhaps we could also consider exploring the meaning of marriage.

It would be interesting to consider why the marriage law has these particular provisions, given the emergence of the marriage system.

We might also consider what qualities two people need to have for a good relationship and marriage.

If we are unable to change our family of origin or the opinions of those around us, what might we consider changing instead?

In the book The Courage to Be Disliked, there is a quote I find particularly inspiring, and I'd like to share it with you: "What matters is not what is given to you, but how you make use of what you are given."

We all come from different backgrounds and circumstances. Some of us are born into more favorable situations, while others face more challenging circumstances. Those who are born into favorable situations often find it easier to navigate life's challenges, while those who are born into challenging situations often have to work harder to find ways to thrive.

I believe that we cannot change our family of origin. However, we can be ourselves from this family of origin. We do not have to grow up in the way our parents want us to grow up or in the way we hide from our parents. We can grow up in the way we want to be.

While we cannot change the opinions of those around us, their opinions can affect our emotions. However, we can change our own opinions. Even if we are angry or saddened by others, we can find ways to release our anger and sadness that are more peaceful.

Perhaps the best course of action would be to focus on the present and take things one step at a time.

I hope that the above list will be of some help to you and that my sharing will be of benefit to you in some way.

I wish you well!

I and the world send you our love and support.

Dear girl, Hello!

My name is Yi Ming, and I'm a heart exploration coach.

I have taken the time to read your question carefully and I can sense that you are feeling a bit uneasy.

I would be delighted to have a chat with you and hope to be able to offer you some comfort and inspiration.

1. How might we view messages from relatives in a more constructive manner?

Due to your upbringing, you may not have had the opportunity to develop expectations of marriage or love. It's understandable that the idea of maintaining and cultivating these relationships can feel challenging.

Sometimes, it can be quite challenging to navigate these situations. Have you ever considered the possibility of growing old alone in the future?

It would be interesting to explore why messages from relatives can sometimes evoke such strong emotions. One possible reason could be that, in some cases, we may not have a close relationship with our relatives, and therefore feel uneasy when they offer advice.

It is also possible that we may have some anxiety about this issue that we have not fully addressed.

This is why we are more susceptible to external influences.

Perhaps if it weren't a matter close to our hearts, we might view it with a degree of levity, or even question the wisdom of sharing such a video.

It's possible that relatives want to care about you. If they think that not getting married is a problem, they may feel that they are being irresponsible if they don't remind you. In this way, they may send videos like this to convey this message.

It is possible that relatives may feel that they have fulfilled their duty to remind us, which could help to alleviate any feelings of guilt they may have.

If we can distinguish between his desire to send a message and the decision-making process, we may find it easier to resist the influence of our relatives.

2. It may be helpful to follow your heart while also being more flexible.

At this stage, we may feel that it requires time and effort, and we may feel tired, so we may not be as active as we would like to be.

And we may feel that we would prefer not to have others involved in our decision-making process.

It is worth noting that there are many young people today who are not actively seeking marriage or a partner.

Given the developments that have taken place in our society, we now have a greater number of options available to us.

It is possible that if a family does not provide a sense of security and warmth, our desire for a family may not be as strong.

I would like to respectfully propose that there is no single lifestyle that is objectively good or right.

It is important to remember that different people will make different choices at different times.

It would seem that nowadays, the proportion of single men and women is on the rise.

It is perhaps worth noting that the opinions of others do not necessarily carry as much weight as we might imagine. Our own self-perception is likely to be of greater consequence.

It is not necessarily the case that all married people with children are happy.

Some people have found happiness without getting married.

It has been reported that several single Japanese women live together with several other single women in their old age, taking care of each other and enjoying themselves very much. It would seem that their level of life satisfaction is also very high.

Perhaps we could all benefit from following our hearts and living the life we want to live.

I would also like to suggest that we consider this issue from a more flexible perspective.

For instance, you may be aware that while it is possible to be happy in a relationship, there are instances when the advice or guidance provided by loved ones can feel overwhelming or unwelcome. It is often the pressure and lecturing that our relatives convey to us that we find challenging.

It's important to remember that relatives, like anyone, have their limitations.

Sometimes, they may offer advice or opinions that, while well-intentioned, can inadvertently cause distress or discomfort.

Perhaps we could try to learn to calm ourselves and understand why we care so much.

Perhaps if we were to take this in a different light, as their concern and advice, even if their approach is not ideal, it might help us to feel better.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try communicating with them.

Perhaps you could ask them to provide practical help, such as introducing you to a reliable boyfriend?

Perhaps we could consider ways of avoiding the transfer of anxiety.

You might like to give yourself a hug.

From now on, let's try to be more flexible in our approach to these issues.

It is not within our power to decide what others do, but we can choose how we perceive it and what decisions we make in response.

I'm sending you my best wishes.

Dear girl, if you learn to comfort yourself, grow yourself, and nurture your future, it will surely be as you wish!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for inviting me to respond. I am sorry to hear about your challenging upbringing. You have experienced the difficulties and challenges of the growth process on a daily basis. Only you can fully comprehend the situation, and I believe it must have been extremely difficult. Best regards, [Name]

As a child, you were not permitted to make decisions on your own in some matters and were treated as a disposable entity. Now, as an adult, you have the right and ability to make your own decisions regarding marriage autonomy.

From a cognitive standpoint, it is not as if you will be pitied for not getting married and remaining single for the rest of your life, as your sister-in-law said in the video. There are numerous examples of single people who are financially independent and free and who are able to live very well.

Even those who are married may experience a range of challenges, including conflicts, contradictions, and arguments. The potential for a happy future is not contingent on marriage, but rather on one's inner state of mind.

I am unaware of whether your uncle provided you with the necessary care and attention when you were a child. It is possible that he was in need of the selfless care and attention of your elders during a challenging period. Based on your subsequent statement that you have not been in contact for an extended period, it seems that he has not provided this care and attention, or has not provided it in sufficient quantity. Otherwise, you would not have initiated the break in contact with him.

Now, however, he is attempting to assert authority over you and deliver a condescending lecture. This is highly unusual.

When you were a child, he was rarely available when you needed him. Now that you are an adult and no longer require his assistance, he is attempting to exert control over you.

You have indicated that you are experiencing fatigue and a lack of motivation to invest in maintaining a marriage. It appears that you have encountered challenges in previous intimate relationships that demanded significant effort, patience, and tolerance on your part, resulting in considerable distress.

If you were able to have some happy and intimate relationships for a long time when you were a child, and in such relationships you didn't need to work hard to be loved, you could be naughty, toss and turn, and throw tantrums without being scolded or punished. This may have contributed to your current difficulties in managing a marriage relationship. It is recommended that such an intimate relationship be provided to children by their elders when they are young.

Best regards,

You have indicated that you lost your mother at an early age, your father is incarcerated, and your stepmother treats you with a lack of warmth and aggression. You have a negative perception of your family and do not feel close to your relatives. You have experienced constant unpredictability since childhood, which has made you reluctant to engage in long-term relationships. You have not been successful in the past and do not have high expectations for marriage and love.

You take issue with your brother-in-law's remarks regarding the disadvantages of growing old alone. You perceive them as a form of moral blackmail and pressure.

Indeed, your visceral reaction to their comments indicates a tacit acceptance of the conventional wisdom that men should marry when they are old enough, and women when they are old enough. However, you question this notion in light of your traumatic experience and reject it.

It would be beneficial to discuss with your counselor whether you wish to pursue a path that will make you happy, act as an independent thinker, or whether you would prefer to align with societal norms and follow the crowd.

You have the option of becoming an independent person with your own thoughts and the ability to shoulder your own responsibilities. Alternatively, you can choose to remain loyal to your parents, which may result in a less than optimal outcome, such as a miserable marriage or living alone until the end. Ultimately, it is your decision. You have the prerogative to choose whatever you believe is best for you, provided that you are comfortable with your decision and content with the outcome.

If you have sufficient mental energy, you will be able to disregard the opinions of your family and relatives. Should you lack the necessary strength, do not be overly critical of yourself. Instead, accept the situation and allow yourself to feel temporarily powerless, confused, and entangled. This will enable you to face reality and take responsibility.

I encourage you to persevere.

Greetings! I extend to you a warm embrace from a distance.

The capacity to perceive the traumatic impact of events within one's family of origin represents a rejection of intimacy.

It is important to note that marriage does not inherently guarantee happiness. Individuals have the right and freedom to choose whether or not to get married. As long as one is comfortable with the decision and believes that their life is better as a single person, there is no issue. One has the autonomy to follow their heart's desire.

From your description, it is evident that you have expectations and desires for intimacy. You do not have an absolute aversion to marriage; however, you may not have encountered a relationship that aligns with your needs or you may not be prepared to enter into an intimate relationship. This is likely due to the fact that in your original family, you did not experience the joy of a loving family unit, particularly the lack of positive memories of your parents' affectionate relationship. Instead, you were exposed to the cold violence of your stepmother in your new family, which instilled a sense of indifference towards the family.

Furthermore, your father married your stepmother after your mother left, which you perceive as a betrayal of your mother. In particular, your stepmother's cold violence towards you has reinforced your conviction that your father does not love your mother or you. What are your thoughts on this matter?

The manner in which an individual is treated directly correlates with their subsequent treatment of themselves. Consequently, the recollection of one's familial history often evokes a sense of unworthiness, mistrust, and a lack of value, love, and security, which collectively contribute to an apprehension about the formation of intimate relationships and the establishment of a family unit.

It is not that the individual in question is averse to forming an intimate relationship; rather, it is that they have not yet undergone sufficient healing from the trauma experienced within their original family. Additionally, they may exhibit a tendency towards anxiety and helplessness when attempting to identify methods of self-healing. At this juncture, relatives who have previously been infrequent in their communication with the individual suddenly begin to suggest that they consider marriage. This suggestion provokes a strong emotional response, characterised by anger, due to the individual's perception that the words and actions of these relatives evince a lack of understanding and sympathy. The individual in question does not require such hints and reminders, as they perceive these communications to be rooted in the relatives' own perspective and position, which they experience as disrespectful, misunderstood, and neglected.

It is likely that relatives are well-intentioned in their actions, as they are attempting to provide care and support. However, their actions may inadvertently contribute to the perpetuation of feelings of inferiority and discomfort.

The underlying issue is the internal trauma caused by the mother's departure. The remarriage of the father does not indicate a lack of affection between the parents, and the behavior of the stepmother does not imply that the father was indifferent to the situation. In fact, there is an opportunity to engage in a sincere dialogue with the father about these matters, expressing one's genuine emotions and seeking understanding and acceptance. Additionally, maintaining a mood diary can facilitate the documentation of one's emotional state, allowing for the expression and release of emotions that have been repressed due to the trauma.

Additionally, one may attempt to fulfill the unmet needs resulting from the trauma through one's own actions. This may entail learning to love oneself as an ideal nurturing parent.

My name is Lily, and I am a devoted listener of the Q&A Museum program. I extend my deepest regards to the entire world, and I express my profound love for you all.

Dear young lady, I greet you in the hope that this message finds you well.

I am a medical counselor, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to connect with you on the Yi Xinli platform.

I am grateful to you for initiating this discussion.

"What is the appropriate response to relatives who assert that remaining single and unmarried is a miserable state of being?"

It may be posited that the author has been emotionally affected by the words of her relatives, resulting in a profound sense of distress. This could potentially be the catalyst for the author to achieve a state of tranquility, engage in profound reflection, and facilitate personal growth.

I am grateful to the questioner for initiating this discussion, which has provided me with a broader range of perspectives on the subject.

In addition, I would like to present my thoughts and opinions on this matter for the questioner's reference.

Let us first delineate the particular circumstances described by the questioner and then proceed to interpret and analyze them.

An 89-year-old single woman who lost her mother at a young age, has a father in prison, and was raised by a stepmother who was cold and violent towards her. A long-lost relative, her younger uncle, sent her a video about the disadvantages, pain, and consequences of not getting married and having no one to accompany and care for her, which could result in loneliness and old age. She was encouraged to watch and experience more. She has not ruled out this possibility and has discussed it with her counselor. Additionally, such videos are widely available, and she consistently receives related information. She does not feel close or intimate with her family and relatives. She is closest to her father, but her stepmother is in between. She cannot be as close as her younger uncle and his daughter. When she considers the time and effort required to maintain and cultivate dating and marriage relationships, she feels overwhelmed. She has indeed not been successful in the past. She does not have high expectations for dating and marriage, but she acknowledges that she could potentially be happy in the process.

I am not persuaded by their arguments, nor do I find their tactics persuasive. From an early age, I have been subjected to a relentless barrage of pressure, emotional blackmail, and moral coercion. I am tired of being told that my actions will have consequences, even though I am aware that such consequences are not necessarily negative.

The questioner has experienced the misfortune of losing his mother at a young age, his father going to prison, and his stepmother's cold violence. He has not felt the warmth of family and loved ones. It may be hypothesized that the questioner is reluctant to address the fundamental issues within the family unit.

[2] My typically unconnected uncle sent a video about "not getting married/growing old alone," which evoked the questioner's inner "sensitivity/pain." It is possible that this is the uncle's personal experience from his perspective, but for the questioner, he has not yet considered this significant life event of "starting a family."

[3] The questioner is an independent young woman with a strong sense of self-awareness. It can be seen that the questioner is very assertive, especially resentful of being lectured, morally manipulated, and emotionally blackmailed. Perhaps it is those past experiences that have allowed the questioner to have a more assertive view of life and not want to be "kidnapped." Personally, I believe that this is an important choice in the questioner's life growth, namely, to be able to control one's own destiny.

[4] It is an irrefutable fact that different experiences lead to different lives. Different people have their own ways of living, and there is nothing wrong with such choices. However, when we are "ignited/triggered" by our inner "pain," it is inevitable that our subconscious instincts will be aroused. Therefore, we will be unable to help feeling sad and miserable. The key is whether we care about those "voices/words." If we do not care, we will be sure of our true feelings/thoughts. Otherwise, we will be disturbed by other people's "words."

Ultimately, the decision is ours to make.

The question is still unanswered.

In response to the actual situation and the questioner's expressed sentiments, one might consider the following approach:

[1] It is imperative to accept all past experiences, including those that are particularly distressing. While it is not possible to alter the objective facts of past experiences, it is possible to alter one's perception of them and form new ideas. This process of acceptance and adaptation is essential for personal growth and development.

[2] Accept the various "voices/opinions" of our relatives. They possess their own perspective on issues, and we also have our own distinct views on the same issue. Permitting such disparate voices to be expressed is, in essence, akin to stating that, lacking first-hand experience of your past, I am unable to perceive your inner distress and therefore unqualified to pass judgment.

[3] It is important to recognize one's own true feelings and thoughts and to allow oneself to feel and express them in a different manner. When individuals have reached a sufficient level of personal growth and confidence, they can become the masters of their own lives.

[4] As social beings, it is inevitable that we will be influenced by the ideas of our families and society at large. This can result in criticism and condemnation from those around us. However, this is a problem with the ideas themselves and has nothing to do with the individual. To live out one's true self, it is essential to follow one's heart and be true to oneself.

[5] Nevertheless, in practice, it is challenging to adhere to one's personal values. Individuals must develop the strength, confidence, and self-assurance to navigate life's challenges. The pain experienced may ultimately prove to be a valuable asset in one's personal growth. The decision to remain single, to marry, or to start a family is a personal choice, and the timing of these decisions is also a matter of individual discretion.

In this context, I would like to suggest a few books that may be of interest to you.

The following titles are recommended for further reading: "Why Does Family Hurt," "Emotional Blackmail," "Transcending the Original Family," "Loving Yourself Back," and "How to Live a Life Where You Call the Shots."

It is also acceptable to utilize this psychological platform as a means of communication and growth in collaboration with a preferred instructor when one experiences a sense of powerlessness.

In conclusion, this is my interpretation and response to the question posed. It is my hope that this will provide the questioner with constructive inspiration and assistance. Ultimately, I hope that the questioner will be able to live a life of autonomy and self-determination.

I am a person of one heart and one mind, and I embrace the world with love and gratitude.

Hello!

Give you a hug to warm you up!

Your past misfortune has hurt you and made it hard for you to form close relationships. Your relatives' lectures are stressful.

I understand how you feel. If I were in your situation, I would feel the same.

Build a stronger inner self.

You have your own psychological counselor, so you've always been on the path of self-growth. Having a stable and strong inner self is important for our growth.

If our inner self is strong, we can resist outside pressure. We can stand firm in who we are, like a small boat on the sea.

A strong inner self is about having your own values, knowing what you want, having goals, not letting others influence you, and living your life your way.

Look at others' opinions differently.

Relatives and friends often try to persuade us well-intentionedly. Their approach may be uncomfortable, but it's not malicious. They look at issues based on their own life experience. Understanding this may reduce our inner resistance. If we have a strong inner self, we can choose to ignore their well-intentioned advice.

If you don't want to, you can contact them less and meet less often. Smile when they talk and follow your heart.

Tell yourself, "I have a right to choose my own life."

Follow your heart.

Pay attention to your heart. Know your thoughts and needs. Don't resist intimacy. If you need intimacy, don't close your heart. Try bravely.

Giving is hard work, but it can be happy and sweet. Intimate relationships are mutually nourishing.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps. Thanks for asking!