What if fear of others' judgments about you causes anxiety and stress?

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing in the hope that you might be able to offer some advice. I am facing a dilemma regarding a colleague's comments. I would be grateful for any advice you could provide. I would like to preface my question by saying that I am not seeking a solution, but rather an understanding of how to handle the situation. I would like

My name is Kelly Shui.

Could I ask your advice on how to deal with anxiety and stress caused by other people's comments?

After reading your question, I also feel that, as individuals, we are constantly influenced by the outside world.

As an ordinary person, it is challenging to completely avoid the influence of others' comments and opinions.

[About yourself and others]

From my own experience, I have learned that it is important to care about others in a group and to be willing to feel my own feelings. This lesson was taught to me through an incident like this:

You put forth an idea you believed to be sound at a company meeting, but a colleague (perhaps in a casual manner) offered feedback that it might not be entirely practical.

You felt a strong sense of care and connection to the idea, and it's understandable that you might have experienced a sense of rejection and criticism when it was met with a differing perspective.

From a third-person perspective, the idea may represent the individual in question. It's possible that the other person is someone who tends to approach situations with a practical mindset, particularly when it comes to ideas or creative concepts that may extend beyond their own expertise. In this way, we can view others as mirrors, reflecting our own perspectives back to us. This incident offers insight into how people tend to treat different things in different ways.

We care about others and are eager to seek our own answers. Could we perhaps find a way to accept rejection and criticism?

Perhaps you could try to continue to understand and improve your own expertise, and continue to discuss with your colleagues. For example, you could ask them to expand on that. What do you think is impractical?

If the other person is experienced and willing to share his unique insights, it could be seen as a kind of growth.

In the company, you have the opportunity to hear a variety of opinions from colleagues, including this colleague who is willing to speak up. It's also possible that he is more straightforward in his personality.

Some people may be hesitant to speak up for fear of offending others.

It can be challenging to express our thoughts in meetings, and it's not always easy to be recognized for sharing our ideas.

It might be helpful to observe whether other colleagues have encountered similar things.

By being willing to tell us about this incident and share it with us, you demonstrated that you are a very assertive person, which is actually a very good quality.

In the workplace or in interpersonal relationships, it is natural for everyone to want to express themselves and have a different voice.

As you posed the question, it became evident that the responses were as varied as night and day.

I try to keep this awareness, and I also try to learn to distinguish between what we feel, what others feel, what is well-intentioned, and what might be perceived as offensive, in our work and in our relationships.

[On criticism]

I believe that criticism and rejection are not generally welcomed by anyone.

For instance, when we were students and didn't study as much as we could have, we found it challenging to accept criticism from our teachers.

For instance, at home, we may wish to engage in an activity that we enjoy, but we may not always appreciate criticism from our parents.

For instance, if I share a proposal with friends, I may receive a variety of responses, including support and constructive criticism.

I recall that during my academic years, I developed a passion for reading novels, a pursuit that was met with criticism from numerous educators. I approached my parents to discuss my actions, recognizing that my behavior may have fallen short of expectations.

I am grateful to have had the support and affirmation of my elementary and junior high school Chinese teachers, who have left a lasting impact on me.

When there are many voices, including those that are negative or critical, I will first ask myself if this is a choice I truly want to make.

I also like to reflect on the people who have supported me in the past, as I find this can be a great source of strength.

It is beneficial to reflect on our actions and consider whether our approach was appropriate or if our ideas were truly impractical.

Timely adjustments and improvements can be made, and it may be helpful to remind ourselves that impracticality can sometimes be a source of inspiration, allowing us to consider an idea more thoroughly.

If you were given a second chance, how would you express your thoughts differently?

If we allow ourselves to be discouraged by the opinions of others when we have something to contribute in a public setting, who ultimately suffers as a result?

When we face problems head-on, we can gradually become more comfortable with questioning and criticizing, and perhaps even make gradual improvements.

While it is not possible to avoid or control what others say, we can certainly try to control ourselves.

Perhaps it would be helpful to allow ourselves to think whatever we want in the moment, and to do something we like when we are very tired and restless.

I believe that the fact that we are under a lot of pressure at work also shows that you are a demanding person who wants to understand yourself.

It is natural to be concerned about how our actions may be perceived by others. However, it is also important to remember that we have the right to form our own opinions objectively.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to focus more on your own work and spend more time with colleagues you enjoy working with. It might also be helpful to appreciate the different perspectives of your colleagues.

We might consider ourselves fortunate to have achieved something beyond our own expectations.

We would like to suggest the following books for your consideration: The Courage to Be Disliked and The Power of Self-Growth.

Hello,

Overly focusing on the opinions of others is very draining and painful. You are experiencing this pain, which is no easy feat. You have seen your own tendency, and this is the beginning of a breakthrough.

I am certain that this tendency has been with you for a long time, perhaps since you were a child.

This tendency causes internal conflict and suffering, but it is protecting you. Being concerned about what others think of you motivates you to work hard to meet their expectations, gain acceptance and affirmation, and feel secure and belong.

This tendency is driven by a need to gain acceptance, affirmation, and a sense of worth to survive.

This also indicates that in your life experience, you have rarely received natural, unconditional acceptance and affirmation. You have a strong sense of self-existence and self-worth, and you always meet certain standards.

Otherwise, you will be subject to a lot of attacks and rejections, and you will feel worthless.

You need to prove your worth. You need to pay attention to other people's opinions and push yourself to meet all kinds of standards.

Forget about other people's opinions.

You must understand that the more you care about other people's opinions, the further away from yourself you become. You have less and less space to focus on developing yourself. Not being able to develop yourself with peace of mind and compulsively paying attention to external trends makes you feel restless. Your thoughts are constantly racing outward. The slightest external disturbance can set off a huge internal wave.

You have forfeited your self-worth to external evaluation.

It's time to let go of the umbrella that no longer protects you. Return to your inner core of stability and find your heart.

Repressed feelings will drain your energy.

I believe that when you heard your colleague's comments, you experienced a range of intense emotions, including fear, hurt, and anger. However, you chose to suppress these feelings, just as you did when you were a child. You were hurt and scared many times when you received negative comments, and you felt that you were not good enough. You may have also been angry.

In the face of powerful adults, you can't afford to suppress your feelings. You have to conform to standards, avoid being judged again, and avoid feeling uncomfortable again.

You have to let your emotions flow. Repressing them causes anxiety and stress. When you don't know how to express your feelings, it can lead to depression.

You felt bad about the comments made by your colleague, but you didn't express them. This led to you getting caught up in obsessive thoughts and avoiding work. In fact, you were avoiding the feelings that were being suppressed.

Express your feelings in a safe space.

Find a safe, private space to recall the situation and express your feelings boldly. Tell him directly how you feel. "You saying this hurts me and scares me. You're just like all those harsh guys I've met, criticizing people for no reason. I hate it when you say that, it makes me feel really uncomfortable," etc.

In a safe space, express your feelings freely and say what you couldn't say at the time. As you relax and express yourself, you'll likely experience a flood of emotions.

The sadness and pain you have experienced before will come flooding back. It's okay. You are safe, so let those feelings express themselves freely.

Cry and curse as much as you like. Express yourself. Let your feelings flow with the support of yourself. Flow through you. Get unblocked.

Expressing feelings is self-healing.

This process is about you healing and supporting yourself.

See your own feelings and express them. Let the emotions flow. Don't let them build up inside you for years and years, causing anxiety, stress, and depression. Clear away the blockages. Relax the whole person.

This process will help you return to yourself, respect your own feelings, and experience more self-esteem, self-love, and a sense of self-worth. When your heart is full, external evaluations won't shake you.

You will come to appreciate that external evaluations are just a reference. They cannot represent your self-worth, whether they are good or bad. You will be more objective about other people's evaluations and absorb their opinions, but you will no longer be hurt by evaluations.

I'm listening coach Xu Yanlian, so come and chat if you want to.

Wishing you the best.

Hello, question asker!

I'm excited to share that I've realized the more accurate way to put it is that I'm afraid of other people's negative comments about me. I'm working on my "courage to be disliked" and I'm excited to see what happens when I stop worrying about what other people think of me and start focusing on being liked!

These concerns more or less tie our hands and prevent us from being true to ourselves. But there's a way around it!

We all want to be recognized, supported, praised, and encouraged by others. And guess what? We can make that happen! It's not within our control, but we can choose how to respond to it.

It's so freeing to know that how others judge us is their problem, not ours!

And the best part is, we get to decide how to make use of what has been given!

If someone praises you, you can give the same sincere praise and blessings to others!

If someone gives you flowers, you can give them to someone else!

The key is to make the most of what you've got!

If someone doesn't like us, we can simply move on and find people who do!

And the best part is, if others treat us with sincerity, we can reciprocate with sincerity!

If others are unwilling to do things our way, we can still respect their decisions!

We can also proudly raise the banner of "I am the master of my own life" and draw a clear line with those who point fingers at us and interfere in our lives.

Let others be themselves, and be the best version of yourself!

Instead of dwelling on what cannot be changed or done, focus on what can be changed and done!

It is so worthwhile to admit and accept an imperfect self and have a complete life!

Embrace your ordinariness and lack of ability, and you'll be more likely to recognize yourself and change for the better!

Go for it! Make the 60-point version of yourself approach 100 points through continuous effort. Don't make excuses for not getting 100 points — you can do it!

If you change your state of mind, the world will change! It's as simple as that. As long as you change yourself, the world will change with you.

Hello! I'm Shu Yaping, a psychological coach at One Mind. When I read your description, it was like looking in a mirror. I totally get it!

01, I used to never speak up in work meetings unless I was specifically asked to speak or it was required.

I'm afraid I'll say something bad, be rejected or ridiculed by others, and give a bad impression.

In fact, I used to think of my leaders as my parents when I was young. If I had an idea that they didn't like, I'd get a bit of a telling-off.

When I was young, my dad taught me a valuable lesson: "Silence is golden." He would not stop until I had learned his lesson.

But they have no idea how this pattern has caused me such heartache and distress in adulthood!

It's not easy to form an introverted personality, and social anxiety has been a challenge for me for many years. I've had to grow and learn a lot before I felt ready to give a speech in front of my own team.

So, feeling affected by others' opinions, feeling nervous and anxious, and even feeling afraid of socializing is actually a very common problem.

The great news is that social phobia is something that can be changed through self-learning and practice!

02. "The Mirror Me Effect"

The lovely Charles Horton Cooley, an American sociologist, first proposed the "mirror self effect" way back in 1902.

In his book, Human Nature and the Social Order, Cooley makes a great point with an analogy that really resonates with me: "Each person is a mirror for another, reflecting another passer-by." This theory is also known as the "mirror-self effect," which I think is a pretty cool way of putting it!

As the name suggests, it's like we can only see our own reflection in the mirror. Our perception of ourselves also comes from what others think of us.

The best part of this theory is that it helps us understand we need to break through these boundaries of thinking and come to know our true selves.

It's so easy to be influenced by others when it comes to our emotions. We can end up feeling self-deprecating, fearful, or impulsive at the slightest hint of disapproval. Or we can lose control of our emotions when the other person loses control of theirs.

In essence, this is about letting others have a say in how we feel, or wanting to be the one in charge of how others feel. It can even mean forcing ourselves to do something we don't want to do just to make our parents happy.

When we trust the "mirror" too much, or care too much about what others think, we can sometimes make mistakes in how we see ourselves.

This kind of misjudgment from self-concept is often also the most hidden and central reason for our unclear boundaries, which can lead to excessive consumption of our energy.

This is also the result of our excessive belief in the mirror-image effect, where we unconsciously hand over the definition of "what kind of person I am" to others. This is something we should answer for ourselves!

So, it's really important to define your own boundaries and issues, complete self-differentiation, and become an independent self. This is a great path towards maturity and self-growth!

When we feel good about ourselves and know that we're the best judge of who we are, it's easier to ignore what others think. So, even if our parents, colleagues, or leaders have different opinions, we can still feel confident in ourselves.

Oh, absolutely not! But that would be a kind of freedom and ease that allows a bird to fly wherever it wants!

03, I'd love to know what you think I should do when I'm feeling the pressure of social anxiety.

Don't be too hard on yourself! It's not that you said the wrong thing or that your considerations were impractical.

There are so many different aspects to everything, and we can only see a tiny part of it all.

And as for the whole thing, it becomes clear only after discussions of everyone's different opinions, and it is finally summarized by the leader.

It's so true that everyone's ideas are like sparkling pearls that need to be polished and processed continuously before they can take on a reasonable and correct shape.

On the other hand, if you can be brave and express your own ideas and thoughts at work, you are an excellent employee, and that is great!

And the second thing is to accept yourself, warts and all!

As human beings, we're all imperfect, and that's totally okay! If you think about it, our strengths are like the five fingers on our right hand, and our weaknesses are like the five fingers on our left hand. But when we join our hands together, we're complete!

Remember, it's about being complete, not perfect! You've got this!

Self-acceptance is all about embracing your strengths and accepting your weaknesses. It's about embracing the real, complete you!

You can tell yourself, "Even if I feel afraid, I still accept and love myself."

And remember to love yourself well!

If we don't feel like our parents recognize and encourage us as we grow, or if they're too strict, we might feel like we don't matter or that we can't do anything right. This can make it hard to have confidence in our relationships with others.

At this moment, give yourself a big hug, some appreciation, and a thank you!

Give yourself a big pat on the back for all your hard work and perseverance. You're so strong and courageous!

Tell yourself: I've worked hard, I'm sorry, please forgive me! Thank you, I love you!

And finally, self-growth!

There are so many great articles and courses on interpersonal communication online and on platforms. You can choose whatever suits you best!

I'd highly recommend reading some psychology books on self-growth and interpersonal communication. Some great ones are "The Courage to Be Disliked," "When You Start Loving Yourself, the World Will Love You Back," and "The Art of Communication."

I love you, world! I really hope this helps.

I want to extend my understanding and support to the original poster. I can relate to the experience of feeling overwhelmed by unfriendly comments and dwelling on them. I've been there, too.

When we feel hurt, we may find ourselves hesitant to express our inner thoughts, which can eventually lead to a gradual suppression of our thoughts.

It may be the case that family does not provide us with sufficient strength to express ourselves. It is possible that when we were young, we were on occasion severely criticized or given negative feedback by our parents for expressing ourselves, and it can be challenging to have a strong heart to face unfriendly comments from others.

It is important to remember that other people's opinions are theirs alone, and that we cannot control what they say or how they judge us. We can only do our best, continue to express ourselves bravely, and let them say what they want.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether my ideas are practical. Ultimately, whether they are adopted or not depends on the final decision of the leader.

It is not necessary to let the words of our colleagues affect us in a negative way.

Perhaps a good place to start would be

It may be helpful to consider ways of strengthening your inner self and giving yourself strength.

We must accept that we cannot control what others say, so we can only do our best. It is important to have confidence in your own ideas and not be influenced by other people's opinions.

It might be helpful to try to strengthen your heart and give yourself affirmation and strength.

2. I try not to let other people's opinions affect me too much.

It's important to remember that what others say doesn't necessarily reflect reality. Even if someone makes a negative comment, it doesn't mean we should change who we are. It's okay to ignore unfriendly comments and focus on being our best selves.

It is also true that nobody can be liked by everybody.

I believe that the key to a better life is to become stronger. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

Hello!

You sound like me. I've been struggling with this too. Sending hugs!

We had a good idea at a meeting, but when someone says it's impractical, it affects the mood. I gave the respondent an answer to the question, but someone didn't like it. Their comments hurt my feelings. I would have done the same thing, and it affected my ability to handle other things.

I'm trying to convince you, which is also helping me. We can't take care of everyone. Marx said there are opposites and enemies in this world. It's impossible to do something that makes everyone happy. These things you and I encounter are normal. There will always be different opinions. If they make us uncomfortable, we should express it. Otherwise, we'll keep struggling.

When we allow these things to happen, we must accept them. We cannot control other people's thoughts or change anyone. If we waste energy and do not accept ourselves, it will make us feel worse. When we accept ourselves, we will no longer waste energy. We will accept that our thoughts are impractical and that no one is perfect. Our thoughts are impractical, but we will improve in the future. This state is being able to accept ourselves.

Believe in yourself. If someone says you can't do it, prove them wrong. Follow your heart and live your life. Always try to learn and improve.

You can do it! You'll overcome this and make your life better.

I love you!

Hello, dear questioner!

I can tell you're a great person who's used to being good. Your text is so concise, logical, and clearly expressed. You describe the events, express your feelings, and let us see your needs.

You mentioned worrying about what others think of you at work. What about in life? Do you also care about what others think of you, as if you were taking a public opinion poll?

I'm going to make a wild guess here. Like many children, you were probably raised with the idea that you should be good, or even perfect, whether consciously or not, by your parents, teachers, or other important people. If you didn't do something well enough, you probably wouldn't be praised, and you might even be blamed. Such accusations would make young us think that if we didn't do well, we wouldn't be liked, and that if we weren't good enough, we weren't worthy of love… ?

If you're used to being excellent, you might be more critical of yourself and not allow yourself to be less than perfect. But guess what? You can change that! I encourage you to try telling yourself: I allow myself to be less than perfect, I allow myself to not be the best, I allow myself to be imperfect, and I am capable of loving all kinds of myself. You can observe and see if this allows you to face external evaluations more and more openly. Let's do this!

I'm so excited to recommend the book The Courage to Be Disliked for the nth time! If you can, you absolutely have to read this book. If you're short on time, you can also start with The Third Night first. This chapter is all about "issue separation," which is a really important concept. It's about understanding what other people's issues are and what your own issues are. For example, how others judge you is other people's issue; how you respond to others' judgments is your own issue. What we can do is focus on working on our own issues...

And then there's the "three-piece suit" that I often talk about to improve happiness, a sense of worth, and self-confidence: meditation, exercise, and self-improvement. Meditation is a great way to handle our emotions while also connecting and dialoguing with ourselves. Moderate exercise is a fantastic medicine for regulating emotions. And self-improvement, whether it is improving professional skills or communication skills, is the foundation for refuting untrue comments from others.

And finally, may you be as comfortable and at ease as you can be, and may you be the absolute best you can be!

We are taught to be humble and to learn from our mistakes, but it is not easy. In today's society, how we look and what others think of us is important. We often rely on others to tell us whether we look nice or not. Therefore, worrying about negative comments from others is inevitable.

Eating and drinking are normal things. If you eat too much, it will make you gain weight. Being overweight can affect how flexible you are and how you feel. Eating a healthy, balanced diet will help you feel full of energy and healthy. We need to learn to ignore what others say about us.

First, we need to understand ourselves. Only then can we face the future. This is not easy. We need to think about our own experiences and what others say about us. We need to remember that this is just feedback. It cannot define us because no one knows us completely.

Secondly, we need to remind ourselves, clear away confusion, strengthen our trust in ourselves, enhance our self-esteem, and be in charge of our own lives. Life is our own personal growth laboratory.

Finally, we need to learn to manage stress and anxiety. We should ask ourselves what we really need and if there are other ways to meet our needs. A good self-care routine can help us cope with anxiety.

Hello, question asker. I admire your courage in proposing a good idea at the company meeting. Your enthusiasm for your work is commendable. However, you may have faced criticism for this bold public display. I understand your disappointment, confusion, and self-doubt. It's natural to worry about how others will judge you.

I will explore and discover this with the original poster.

[About the desire for recognition]

Everyone longs for recognition from within because being recognized makes us feel a sense of worth and existence. We know we can receive more love from the outside world because of our sense of worth and sense of being needed.

It is a simple fact that without recognition, relationships cannot be formed. Perception and cognition are the building blocks of relationships between people. The need for recognition gives us a strong sense of existence.

For example, in infancy, we learn whether we are accepted and loved through our parents' behavior. We learn whether we are "good" or "bad." If the mother smiles at the child, it is like a mirror in front of the child. The child gets the message that the mother is happy because of her presence, and the child also has a sense of self-worth. As adults, we still expect recognition from others and confirmation of our sense of worth.

Questioner, your colleague is wrong. This idea is not impractical or negative. It is perfectly normal for you to feel rejected and criticized.

When we realize that we do care about what others think, that we have this need to be recognized, and that there is no shame in this, we can relax and step back from the situation to observe ourselves objectively as a third party.

If our parents did not give us enough positive feedback and evaluation in our original family, our sense of self-worth will be relatively lacking, and this sense of lack will extend to adulthood. We will become very concerned about others' evaluation and have a relatively strong need for external recognition.

Questioner, I advise you to recall the strengths and weaknesses of your parents in your original family, how they influenced you, and how your personality traits were formed.

These thoughts will help the questioner understand why they take external doubts or criticisms so personally.

[Build a stable true self]

Let me be clear: it is not other people's negative comments that hurt us, but a crack in our own hearts. By opening up to these negative comments and allowing them to enter our bodies and minds, we give others the opportunity to disturb our inner peace.

Then, as long as we let go of our vulnerable self-protection strategies, open up to the outside world, and actively interact, we can live more authentically and express our true feelings and needs. We can love ourselves more, live in balance, and devote our time and energy to self-transformation and continuous growth. Self-growth is the most meaningful thing in life.

Break free from the shackles of public opinion. Gain spiritual freedom and grow as a person.

Everyone is seeking recognition. Don't wait to be recognized. Give recognition to others.

When we love ourselves and others with an accepting heart, we are more inclined to express ourselves in a positive way, even if the other person is not perfect and has various flaws and shortcomings.

If you change your perspective, think about why the other person made the negative comment, and use it as an entry point for communication and discussion instead of taking it as a rejection, you will find it leads to more pleasure and fun.

Questioner, you must return your attention from others' evaluation of yourself to your own needs. This is how you separate your own wishes and needs from those of the people around you. You are only responsible for yourself.

Stop judging and accept fully.

As long as we are deeply involved in relationships, we will be in the midst of public opinion. Everyone we meet is a mirror for us. When we look in the mirror, we also see ourselves in the mirror. If we are aware enough, we will have the ability to reflect. Judging everyone is essentially judging ourselves.

We must have the courage to let go of our judgments of ourselves. Many people are too harsh on themselves, with a black-and-white yardstick to measure right and wrong. When we learn to truly love ourselves, a feeling of joy will naturally arise, and we will break out of the pattern of subconsciously blaming and criticizing ourselves. We will no longer attract those who are harsh with us and overly negative, but will instead attract those who are positive and encouraging to us.

Let me be clear: relationships with others are a mirroring process.

Questioner, I will provide you with new perspectives on awareness.

Everyone must be able to unconditionally accept and love themselves, even if they are rejected or abandoned by others.

We always watch ourselves, love ourselves, and take responsibility for ourselves.

The world and I love you.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you!

To the questioner, I think you need to separate the issues.

It's important to know the difference between your own business and other people's business.

In this world, there are only three things: our own business, other people's business, and the business of heaven.

This concept comes from the book A Change of Heart.

If you have an idea you want to share at a company meeting, that's up to you.

As for how other colleagues view your ideas, that's up to them.

It's just not possible to please everyone all of the time.

In any group, there are always people who like your ideas and people who don't.

If you want to know more about this, I suggest reading Adler's book, "The Courage to Be hated."

As for why you care so much about what other people say, it might have something to do with your own family of origin.

When you were growing up, your parents probably often put you down or criticized you.

Then, after being exposed to them for a long time, you may start to think that their views are your own and feel that you are not good enough.

But now that you see the problem, you can change yourself. This is a great start, and you should give yourself a big pat on the back for taking this action.

There's a saying in psychology that I find really helpful: "Seeing is healing."

Often, self-awareness is the first step to healing.

The truth is, our value is always determined by ourselves, not by others.

So, how do you handle other people's comments?

It means there are all kinds of people in the world. I particularly like this quote: there are 1,000 Hamlets for every 1,000 people.

No matter what others say about us, it can't change who we are.

As a general rule, you can boost your self-worth.

So, how can you boost your self-worth?

For instance, you could try saying "awesome, I'm a valuable person" three times out loud in the mirror every morning when you wake up.

If you need to, you can also work on your inner child.

If you need more help, you can always talk to a professional counselor.

I really hope you can find a solution to the problem you're facing soon.

That's all I can think of for now.

I hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. I'm the one who answered, and I study hard every day.

Best wishes from all of us here at Yixinli!

Just a quick note to say hi and wish you well!

After reading your account, I could really feel how powerless and exhausted you must feel. It's so hard when you care too much about what other people think. It's natural to be afraid of making mistakes and of other people's bad comments and discussions about you. It's so hard to express your inner thoughts when you feel this way. I can tell you're not used to criticism and negation. This state of mind can make you feel anxious and exhausted. It can also make work feel really stressful. You don't know what to do, but you're aware of your predicament and you're ready to face it. You've already taken a big step. Just take one more small step, and I'm sure all your problems will be solved. I hope the following words of mine can help you.

I've been there, too! I used to be just like you, too concerned about what other people thought. When something didn't go well, I would replay it over and over again, thinking about it again and again, and about what other people would say. I would dwell on all the bad things people said about me. On the other hand, I wasn't sure about the praise I received from others, and it made me feel insecure.

I was really struggling to accept the bad things in my heart, and it made me feel pretty low for a while. At that time, I was really hard on myself and kept asking myself why, which made me feel really weak and listless. I was once in a really bad state of self-anxiety.

Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore! So, I started to distract myself. Whenever I wanted to think about that thing, I would either listen to music, watch a TV show, go shopping, or go eat some delicious food. I used every method I could think of to prevent myself from getting caught up in that kind of mood. And, slowly but surely, I learned to regulate myself!

I've found that being able to regulate my emotions can give me a bit of temporary relief, but what really makes a difference is my state of mind. I've read lots of topics that have helped me to heal and feel at ease. For example, it's important to remember that no matter how well you do in life, there will still be a large majority of people in this world who simply don't like you. They may even hate you! So, all we can do is be kind to others, open our hearts, be true to ourselves, live our own lives, take responsibility for our own lives, and don't waste our beautiful time living in the evaluation of others.

I felt so enlightened when I found that to be very reasonable! You can also read topics, stories, or articles that make you feel comfortable and heal you. Maybe because of a passage you will suddenly feel enlightened, just like I did!

I've benefited so much from this, and I love my current life! I don't worry about what others think, I'm open to all kinds of ideas, and I only focus on what's good for me or helps me grow. So, you can definitely give it a try!

You are just like the person I once was. I understand you very well, and I think you're great! I hope you will be bold, be yourself, and step out of the haze into the sunshine.

Come on, you can do it!

I am disheartened to observe that you are experiencing feelings of inadequacy as a result of the feedback you have received from your colleagues.

I have also lived with a certain degree of caution and apprehension for an extended period due to similar circumstances.

After studying psychology, I have gained the ability to view my emotions and thoughts from a different perspective.

1. Emotions

Furthermore, I experience significant anxiety when it comes to emotions. Why do the words of other individuals have such a profound impact on me?

I believe this was due to my lack of understanding of the situation. As a result, I presented my ideas and suggestions in a tentative manner. Furthermore, they lacked a realistic basis, and I was unsure of their practical effectiveness. However, it seems that being identified by others as inadequate will result in my concerns being swiftly acknowledged and addressed.

I felt ashamed and humiliated. I had hoped to be recognized, but I was not prepared to be questioned and challenged. However, I was, and it was a rather unpleasant experience.

At the time, I was particularly inexperienced and naive. I failed to appreciate the importance of feasibility. I was already struggling to contribute positively. However, my active thinking and participation were not recognised.

2. Ideas

(1) It is not uncommon for ideas to be unrealistic.

(2) Taking the first step, even if it is not perfect, represents a significant improvement.

(3) Formulating an idea and then implementing it is the first step to taking action.

It is simple to critique the work of others, but it requires wisdom and courage to develop original ideas.

(5) Despite my shortcomings, I can enhance my ideas by offering suggestions and making improvements.

(6) As long as you are not standing still, you can always gain something.

My friend, perhaps you could benefit from a more objective perspective on your feelings and thoughts in relation to ideas and emotions. When someone challenges your abilities, it indicates that you have been noticed, which is an important first step. Regardless of how you may perceive your own maturity, this step is about taking the initiative to pursue your goals independently, which is an essential aspect of personal responsibility. Keep up the good work.

Good day, Dear questioner,

My name is Li Hongxia, and I am a listening therapist.

If you notice that your words are causing distress to another individual, if you value the opinions of others, and if it is affecting your daily life, take a moment to acknowledge your own strength and support. We can discuss it together.

An excessive concern for the opinions of others may be indicative of a psychological condition known as "dependent self-esteem." This term describes an individual with a low sense of self-worth and self-esteem who relies on external sources for validation. It can stem from an inferiority complex, manifesting as heightened sensitivity to external evaluations, poor psychological tolerance, a tendency to compare oneself to others, a lack of inner conviction, and apprehension about expressing one's opinions due to potential disapproval.

It is human nature to desire recognition and affirmation, which contribute to overall well-being. It is therefore understandable that we care about the opinions of others.

However, excessive concern may result in depression and sadness, which can negatively impact mental health.

It is not uncommon for a company to have a variety of perspectives when it comes to ideas. It is possible that he may have reservations about the practicality of the idea based on his experience. However, by putting forward our own ideas, we are demonstrating that we have identified a problem and are actively seeking solutions. Even if the idea is not fully developed, our ability to propose it shows that we are already thinking about how to implement it and may even have some initial ideas. I believe that with continued practice and refinement, we can improve and develop this idea further to achieve better results.

We can endeavor to be mindful of the following aspects (for informational purposes only).

1. It is important to remember that differences of opinion are to be expected in any given situation. Each individual brings a unique perspective to the table, and it is essential to recognize that having diverse opinions is not a negative thing. It is crucial to be confident in one's own ideas and to express them openly.

2. Could our childhood experiences have shaped our tendency to care excessively about what others think? During our formative years, our parents' strict parenting style may have instilled in us a sense of obedience, and we may have frequently encountered criticism or neglect from our parents. This could have resulted in a lack of self-expression, a lack of confidence in ourselves, and a sense of inferiority. Over time, this could have shaped a highly sensitive personality.

It may be helpful to reflect on past experiences to determine if similar situations have occurred with regularity. If so, it may be beneficial to seek psychological counseling to gain a deeper understanding of the matter.

3. Is there a part of us that is reluctant to accept our true selves, as if preferring a perfect version of ourselves, unable to tolerate even minor mistakes, and magnifying the impact of any shortcomings? We can adjust our perception and mindset, gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, recognize our strengths and weaknesses, and accept our imperfections.

4. Concurrently, it is advisable to enhance your self-confidence and high self-esteem. This may be achieved by undertaking more activities in which you excel and enjoy.

I hope this information is useful to you. Have a great day!

Good day, my name is Ying Keyu Xuan. I empathize with your emotional state. If a colleague were to challenge your carefully considered idea, I would also experience a sense of injustice. I recognize the challenges you are facing, and I offer you my support from a distance.

In the workplace, it is not uncommon for colleagues to offer their opinions when their ideas collide with those of others. You have stated that you proposed an idea you believed to be excellent in a company meeting, but a colleague highlighted that it was "a bit impractical." As a result, you have become reluctant to express your opinions in public.

First, it is important to recognize that your thoughts may differ from those of others. It is possible that others are simply expressing their opinions and that they are not directed at you. For a company to develop, it requires a diversity of opinions and ideas. This diversity allows the company to grow and improve by considering different perspectives. If everyone agrees without refining their insights, it may hinder the company's ability to develop and evolve.

It is evident that you are proposing your ideas for the long-term interests of the company, which demonstrates your motivation and commitment. However, when your ideas are questioned, you appear to be hesitant to engage in self-reflection.

In this case, you may be overly concerned about the opinions of others, which can lead to emotional distress and anxiety. I have previously experienced a similar situation.

Initially, I was unable to accept the questioning of my ideas and experienced a sense of injustice. However, with time, I attempted to examine the concerns raised by my colleagues from a more impartial standpoint.

It is important to understand the perspective of the other party, while maintaining one's own position. By analyzing the comments of the other party, one can identify potential areas for improvement in one's own ideas.

Furthermore, it is essential to communicate with colleagues to gain insight into their thoughts and opinions. Through such communication, it may become evident that their intentions are not malevolent, but rather that they are offering a divergent perspective.

One must not refrain from expressing one's thoughts due to fear of criticism. Indeed, the courage to express one's thoughts is a commendable quality.

One must endeavor to express one's views in an appropriate manner and at an opportune time. However, it is also essential to cultivate the ability to accept divergent perspectives. When one is courageous and accepts oneself, one's confidence and belief in one's abilities and judgment will continue to grow.

It is my sincere hope that my response proves beneficial. It is indubitable that you will continue to develop and grow stronger with each passing day.

Hello, I'm Yun☁️. I was really excited to share my idea at a company meeting, but my colleague didn't think it was a good fit. It was a bit of a letdown, to be honest. After my idea was rejected, I spent a lot of time thinking about it in the days that followed. I felt like my colleague was right and that my idea might not be the best, so I started to avoid sharing my opinions in public...

It looks like this question is about worrying about what others think, but it could also be about feeling unsure of yourself and having mixed feelings about who you are. Why is that? Let's dig into it together!

☁️It's so easy to get caught up in the moment and think that every idea we have is a bit impractical. We might even start to believe that all our ideas are a bit impractical! It's important to remember that our colleagues are there to support us and give us constructive feedback.

But is that really true? Have you ever gotten a pat on the back from someone else after sharing your thoughts?

Or when an idea of yours has been put into practice and turned out to be completely feasible?

☁️It's so interesting how the opinion of a colleague can influence us so much, isn't it? It's as if our own evaluation of ourselves is uncertain. We don't know if we are good or not.

Just imagine for a moment that your boss takes an apple and you say, "I think you can juice the apple." If your colleague says something at this point, you won't doubt yourself. You might even confidently refute him. Because you are sure that the apple can be juiced, right?

So, as long as we set up our own way of evaluating things and find our own set of values, we'll never doubt ourselves because of what others think. How do we do this?

1. Pay more attention to and record the things you do well!

It's so important to pay attention to your progress and all the little breakthroughs you have along the way. You can even jot them down in a memo on your phone or in a notebook. And don't forget to celebrate your strengths, no matter how small they may seem!

It's so important to learn to see yourself and accept yourself, my friend.

2. Let the good stuff in!

It's totally normal to feel a lack of confidence when we've had a lot of negative comments from an early age. When there are a lot of negative voices in our minds, it can affect us when we're not ready for it and make us feel really bad.

It can be tough to internalize some positive comments, especially when you're starting out. It's natural to feel like there aren't enough positive comments to counteract the negative ones. It's okay to have doubts about whether these positive comments are true.

You've got this! Just keep going.

3. Challenge your own unreasonable thinking.

Just a friendly heads-up! Those "if only" and "if...then" phrases can sometimes steer us in the wrong direction. For instance, "If only someone evaluates my ideas as impractical, I will really be an impractical person." Take a moment to think about it. Is that really true?

4. Find some lovely, supportive relationships!

It's so important to find friends who can support you. They can be family members or teachers, or you can meet friends on the Yi Xin platform and join some groups.

In a loving and supportive relationship, we can receive all the encouragement and help we need to feel more confident.

We've just chatted about ways to handle the fear of criticism that can come from a lack of self-confidence.

Let's look at it from another angle, shall we? When you're speaking or working, is it possible that someone doesn't want to approve of you or criticize you, but is distracted and thinking about their own affairs?

I know it can be hard to believe, but others may not pay constant attention to us. Do you think this is possible?

We all need to give ourselves a little more love and support to make sure that what other people think doesn't get in the way of who we are. This is something that takes time and practice. When we're not quite there yet, it's okay to feel afraid, to accept that we're not quite there yet, and to take it slow as we build up our confidence. The most important thing is to take action and remember to cheer up!

Hello, question asker. First of all, I'd like to give you a hug. I'm here to tell you that you don't need to worry about what others think of you. You need to focus on your own opinions. I've been there, and I know how it feels. I've been on the path to self-acceptance, and I'm here to tell you that it works.

Let me be clear: the more valuable something is, the more controversial it is. Take entering a door—few people would argue about which leg to step in first because it is not important. When we hear opposing views and critical attitudes, it does not mean we have done something wrong. It means what we do is important and valuable. Throughout history, the more important the decision, the more controversial it is. The same is true in life.

In this era of rapid development, experience is becoming less and less of a guide for us. But innovation is always unknown. There will always be people like your colleagues who are unwilling to accept the unknown possibilities. They will criticize ideas that are not within their knowledge. These are just ideas based on their existing experience, not proven to be true. Innovation will indeed fail. But it is also true that the reason we are able to come to this technological society is because countless people have made "unrealistic" choices. They may have failed many times, but as long as they succeed, the value created is enough to make people feel that those "failures" are worthwhile.

I don't know if the original poster has ever participated in brainstorming. I once played with a friend, and it was a very different experience. We came up with all the possibilities around a topic, and in the end, we had some truly out-of-the-box ideas. We were able to refine and implement some of these ideas, discarding the rest.

A small partner once said something that really struck a chord with me. She said, "I know my questions may be naive, ridiculous, or even stupid, but I must ask them. At least by asking them, everyone will know why they are wrong and what they are wrong about. Maybe others have these thoughts and questions but dare not speak up. But if everyone is afraid of saying something wrong, then the mistake becomes something unknown. I cannot let the fear of being ridiculed keep it shelved." She always said what she had thought, and we discussed it. Some were simple, some were complicated, and some we could give known answers to, while others were interesting thoughts we had never considered. Even the greatest people have made wrong decisions, and no one can make their opinions perfect. But there is not a lack of shining gold in those imperfect opinions.

This was done in the context of an open and tolerant discussion, so the partner received positive feedback. However, I believe she may have also been "criticized, questioned, and even belittled" on many occasions. We must realize that everyone has their own limitations. Not everyone can listen first and then express themselves. Some people pour cold water directly, stubbornly holding their own views, belittling, and so on. Some people are conservative. Some people want to show themselves by opposing others. We cannot change such people. We cannot avoid meeting them for the rest of our lives. Therefore, we must remind ourselves that other people's opinions are not the only ones. Other people's evaluations are not equal to the truth.

I admire the "martyrs." They've been a source of courage for me for a long time. When I'm afraid to be myself, I think of them. They walk alone on the road, but they also have companions, just maybe in the distance in the future or even in the past. They'll also be lost on that kind of road, doubt themselves, make mistakes, and start over again, but they still face themselves honestly and face the world with their true selves.

I was also once afraid to express my own thoughts. After I said something, I would constantly reflect on where I had said it badly, that such thoughts had no value, that they must think it was so stupid, that I shouldn't have said it, etc. At one point, I even started to tremble in advance when I wanted to say something, so I couldn't speak. Later, I learned to separate issues and grew to be more accepting of my own imperfections. I did say something once that hadn't really gone through my head. And indeed, that thought was contradictory and even a bit ridiculous, but someone told me afterwards that although it was an invalid thought, my perspective was quite interesting, which he hadn't thought of before. At that moment, I was instantly healed. I was once afraid to say the wrong thing, because of the trauma caused by saying the wrong thing. I saw the value beneath the mistake.

I highly recommend the book The Courage to Be Disliked to the original poster. It explains how to "separate issues" and be braver and more honest with yourself. It has helped me a lot, and I know it will help the original poster too.

Hello there, questioner!

I can see that you have asked a question. At a company meeting, you put forward a suggestion that you thought was quite good, but a colleague immediately dismissed it, which I know can make anyone feel a bit down. You are so afraid of speaking at meetings that you avoid being evaluated and belittled by your colleagues, which is totally understandable. I can understand your anxiety and worry.

It's totally normal to be a little nervous about what your colleagues will say about you. We all feel that way sometimes! It could be that you're not quite sure of your self-worth yet and you're easily influenced by others' opinions. It's also possible that the suggestions you've made aren't the most practical, or they might just be the other person's opinion, or the other person might be a little stubborn and self-willed.

However, if you take on your colleagues' comments as your own ideas and feel like they're questioning your ability, you might end up feeling like you're letting yourself down.

I really think you should try this:

Firstly, I just want to say that this is just one person's opinion and doesn't represent you personally. I'm sure you have many other great qualities! Other people's opinions are just their personal understanding.

It's okay to have ideas that might seem a little out there at first. It's all about seeing what works in the real world. Many of these ideas could be the breakthrough you've been waiting for! So don't be too quick to dismiss yourself.

Second, it's so important to enhance your own value and increase your self-confidence. I totally get why you care so much about what other people say. It's because you have a low sense of your own value and are prone to judge yourself by the opinions of others.

You have so many good qualities! It's time to recognize them. Give yourself a daily pat on the back and celebrate your inner strength. You'll find that you'll pay less attention to the comments of others. And, while you're at it, why not work on your abilities, see your own progress, and become confident from the inside out?

Third, don't worry about what others say. We all judge each other, and we're all being judged by others, too.

If you care so much, you might lose focus on yourself and become less confident. It's like in a story where a grandfather is leading a donkey and on the donkey is his grandson. A passerby sees this and says, "Grandpa is so old, and yet he's not letting the old man ride." So the grandfather gets on the donkey, and the grandson gets off and walks with the donkey. Another passerby sees this and says, "It's silly not to ride the donkey." So the grandfather and grandson get on the donkey together. Then someone else sees them and says, "The donkey is tired." So the grandfather and grandson carry the donkey.

You see, if you care about what other people say, you might find that you're being led by others, and your original life might become a little bit unrecognizable. It's always a good idea to do what you should do, and not worry about what other people say, because you can't control them, you can only control yourself.

I really hope this helps! Warm regards!

Hello, question asker. I can see how you're feeling from what you've said.

At work, we all want to be recognized by our colleagues, and when we get negative feedback, especially when we're full of ideas and enthusiasm, it can really lead to self-doubt and frustration.

This psychological state of being overly concerned about other people's opinions is called "evaluative phobia" or "social anxiety" in psychology. It's only natural, but if it becomes excessive, it can affect our work efficiency and quality of life.

From a psychological standpoint, we all have an inherent need to seek approval, which is a basic trait of social animals.

We all have different tolerances for criticism and negativity, partly because of our personalities and partly because of our upbringing. Your current reaction might be due to past experiences that have made you particularly sensitive to negative comments, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with your thinking.

I remember a famous entrepreneur once sharing his entrepreneurial journey. Many of his disruptive innovations were controversial and questioned in the early stages, but he didn't let that stop him. He kept going, improving his plan, and proving the value of his ideas with practical actions.

This shows us that we can use other people's opinions as a reference, but we shouldn't let them limit our creativity and self-expression.

In a way, when faced with the comments of others, we can try to change our mindset and see them as an opportunity for self-growth.

If you hear an "unrealistic" comment, you can ask why they think it's unrealistic and what needs to be improved. That way, you can turn the pressure into motivation to improve yourself.

If you're looking for specific coping strategies, we recommend:

1. Self-acceptance:

It's normal to react to other people's comments. Don't be too hard on yourself.

2. Look at it and think about it from a logical point of view:

Think of external evaluations as feedback. Make a fair assessment of what they're saying and don't just see them as a rejection of who you are.

3. Build self-confidence:

Keep building your confidence by learning new skills, trying new things, and having good experiences. Trust your abilities and judgment.

4. Psychological adjustment:

If you need help, you can find a professional counselor who can teach you some techniques for coping with social anxiety, such as deep breathing and mindfulness meditation. These can help you to be less affected by external evaluations.

Remember, everyone has the right to express their own views and ideas, and your value doesn't depend on every comment from others. Be brave and be yourself, and let different voices guide you forward.

I hope you can find that confident self of yours again soon.

When I read the question, it made me think of a picture of a person walking through a storm. They don't have an umbrella, no shelter from the rain, and no resources to help them.

I'll give you an umbrella to see if that's what you want.

1️⃣ Situation: You pitch an idea at a company meeting and think it's still pretty solid, but a colleague says, "This idea is impractical" (probably offhandedly).

2️⃣ Automate the thought: I was rejected and criticized in front of the leader and many other people.

Afterwards, you find yourself going over and over the scene in your mind.

In reality, there's a phenomenon called tunnel vision. If we stare at a point for a long time, that point will be magnified many times, and we'll lose sight of everything else.

Our vision narrows and blurs, and we're very susceptible to this phenomenon. We believe it to be true when it's actually very far from the truth.

This is a tough one, but there are ways to handle it. When you're in a good mood and feeling calm, you might as well ask yourself: How much do you believe in the idea that your colleague dismissed as impractical?

What's the evidence for the idea? What's the evidence against it?

Is it my idea's fault that they say it's impractical? What else could it be?

If your colleague comes across something like this and feels inadequate because of it, what would you say to them?

Even though this issue is bothering you, it's also helping you understand yourself better. It might be showing you a belief that you're not good enough.

(You can disagree with me.) When you always feel inside that you are not good enough, you start paying attention to this belief and you start collecting evidence. The more you collect, the more you believe in the idea that you are not good enough, and you start doing things in your actions to prove that you are not good enough.

This is a perfect vicious cycle.

So, you can keep playing the "I'm not good enough" game or try the "I'm good enough" game again to see what's different. (You can also get help from a professional.)

It's not ideal getting caught in the rain, so it might be a good idea to find a lot of umbrellas. Best of luck!

It's natural to feel afraid and want to withdraw when faced with negative comments.

This is because

We want more positive comments. It's hard to accept negative ones.

Telling yourself not to care about other people's negative comments, but actually being unable to do so uses up our energy.

I'm afraid of making mistakes, being laughed at, and suffering serious consequences.

What should I do?

[Seeing that your views differ from others and allowing different ideas to exist]

My colleague said this idea is impractical. Everyone is allowed to have different opinions.

You think this idea is impractical because you can't implement it.

I think it can be done because I have many ideas for how to do it.

[Seeing and allowing contradictions within oneself]

The word "unrealistic" has come to mind a lot. You're always there, reminding me of something. Are you trying to tell me to improve? I'll try to improve, but please don't rush. This takes time. Please give us some time.

[See and allow my avoidance behavior now]

I avoid speaking up at work because I have been hurt by "unrealistic" comments in the past. My behavior is protecting me, and please allow me to protect myself in this way for now. Maybe I am gathering courage, and when I have stored up a certain amount of courage, I can overcome this fear.

[Seeing and allowing that I care too much about other people's opinions]

At some point, I will care more about what others think.

This is me. If I don't accept me, I'll only hurt myself. I'll be in pain and feel uneasy, and it'll drain me of energy and block positive energy.

So please let me see it, see how it moves, see how it changes, see how it grows, see how it shrinks, see how it gets tangled, see how it slowly disappears, see how it hides and then reappears, I allow it to exist however it wants.