What if I can't empathize with others and feel that I can't form deep relationships?

Hello, question asker! I'm Warm-hearted Girl 1219, and I'm so happy to answer your question about Yi Xinli.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're having a bit of trouble empathizing with others.

?I hope these suggestions help!

1. You really need to believe in yourself and see your own merits more often.

☀️(1) I know you say you're indifferent in the face of adversity and can't feel sympathy or sadness for others, but I still think you're a kind girl.

People who are truly cold at heart just can't feel emotions like "I should comfort him, develop feelings for him, and do something for him." They often turn around and walk away, pretending not to see anything.

☀️(2) You're a girl with a high emotional quotient, and you know how to get along with people and be popular. In the eyes of others, you're a lively, cheerful girl who loves to laugh!

I really do think you're very smart, even if you don't think this is the real you!

☀️(3) Beautiful girls attract others, and outstanding girls are appreciated. You have a strong learning ability and are a high-achieving student at a 985 university, which I admire and envy greatly!

2. Why not try to change yourself and establish a deep relationship?

☀️It seems like you've been in two relationships, but they both ended after a short time. When the other person comes close to you, you want to distance yourself.

It's totally normal to feel like you don't have deep relationships, whether it's with your family, friends, or loved ones. It's okay to feel afraid and yearn for those deep connections.

It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes. It can be really lonely and helpless, and it's okay to feel like you have no one to talk to.

I truly believe that if you're open to changing your perspective, staying persistent, and thinking positively, you'll be able to find your way out of this challenging situation.

?3. Stay optimistic and keep yourself busy!

☀️You need to stay optimistic now, do something you like, and keep yourself busy. When your life is full, you won't have time to think nonsense anymore!

☀️It's okay to get a little overwhelmed sometimes! Some problems are actually very simple, and you're just overthinking them.

☀️It would be really great for you if you could try to step out of your own little world and embrace the bigger world outside!

☀️If you want to learn how to empathize with others, you can join the volunteer association at your school.

☀️If you want to learn how to empathize with others, you can join the volunteer association at your school. Most universities have such clubs, and they're a great way to get involved!

☀️Why not volunteer? You'll meet lots of lovely people who could do with a helping hand, like the disabled, the elderly living alone, and children who've been left behind. You'll get to know them and they'll get to know you. It's a great way to make friends!

Because of all this help, you'll feel a strong emotional connection to the people you're helping. They'll feel your care and support, and you'll feel the wonderful feeling of being needed by others.

This emotional elevation will gradually make you more and more compassionate towards others. In this way, you will learn to empathize.

5. Don't be afraid to talk to your loved ones and friends about your innermost thoughts!

☀️When you feel lonely and helpless, please don't be afraid to let your loved ones in! They'll be there for you and help you find a solution to your problem, which is much better than struggling alone.

I really hope my answer can help you a little bit! Come on!

I wish you all the best! Sending you lots of love and support!

The comments show the suffering of not being able to empathize with others, and the fear and desire for deep relationships. I'm excited to share some ideas that I hope will help you broaden your thinking and cope with this suffering!

First, take a moment to really connect with yourself. Embrace your inner self and experience the amazing bond you have with your own being.

The desire to connect with others is something that can't be achieved by reason alone. It's shaped by the experiences you have throughout your life!

If you can't establish a relationship with others, try establishing one with yourself first. You are your own self, and you can also use yourself as an object. Getting along with yourself is a "shortcut" to developing a relationship—and it's a great one!

Love yourself! Know your emotions and watch as your world expands with new possibilities for building relationships with others.

2. Don't worry if you find it difficult to establish relationships. There are lots of ways you can get help with this.

God closed a door for you, but also opened a window for you! You are smart and capable, and you learn things quickly.

A smart brain can help you overcome your emotional challenges and find solutions to even the toughest problems. But here's the exciting part: the key to unlocking these solutions isn't just in your smart prefrontal lobe. It's in the limbic system! This incredible system can reestablish adaptive brain circuits related to the amygdala and other nervous systems. And the best part? These circuits can be strengthened through continuous positive, warm, lasting, and stable relationships.

If it's tough to find in your natural environment, don't worry! You can create it artificially, like through individual psychological counseling or joining a group psychological support group. With experience and perception, your emotions will become more and more able to perceive how to naturally establish relationships with others.

I really hope that what I've shared here has inspired you!

I am a psychologist who doesn't explore human nature, but I absolutely love and care for the human heart! Bless you!

The questioner is distressed by two things: their inability to empathize with others and their inability to find someone to talk to about their worries. These are actually one problem.

I will act in a way that I think will make me more popular. Most people see me as a lively and cheerful girl who loves to laugh, and I will make sure that I fit in quickly.

I am a smart person and I can learn anything quickly. My ability is also appreciated.

From the text, it's clear the questioner knows exactly what he wants to do. I don't understand why he wants to be liked and admired.

What happens if you are not liked or appreciated?

"I feel that the closeness of the other person only makes me want to distance myself. I suddenly realize that I don't have deep relationships, whether they are love, friendship, or family. This kind of relationship makes me both afraid and eager." I want to be likeable and appreciated by others. I don't want to allow others to get close to me because if they do, it means exposing my less likeable and less appreciated side.

As real people, we must accept that we have an unappealing and unappreciated side. Even if we are likeable in one situation, we may not necessarily be liked in another. People are different.

Similarly, as real people, we need relationships and seek support and warmth in them. The questioner is experiencing both fear and longing.

"What should I do, what should I do?" Try doing something that is not so pleasing, something that is not so appreciated, and see what the consequences will be. If you are afraid, seek professional help!

I am confident that my reply will be of some help to you. Best wishes!

Hello!

I'm glad we're meeting.

You find it hard to empathize with others and feel something is missing. You hope to perform better and integrate more easily with others. You're a good girl, but you've tried to fall in love twice and both relationships ended. You're a little panicked and want to figure out what's going on. I understand how you feel, so let me give you a warm hug.

You seem calm and rational, which makes it hard for you to empathize with others. This is not because you can't, but because you have a personality that makes it difficult. People with this personality have two important characteristics:

Childhood was lonely and there was little communication. This meant that when they grew up and encountered similar situations, they were unable to interpret other people's emotions.

It's hard to empathize with others. Even if you know how, it's awkward.

They keep a distance from others to protect themselves emotionally. It's hard to communicate and form close relationships. But when they do, it's important and can leave a lasting impression.

You may seem like you don't understand emotions or have feelings, but you do. You just suppress them. That's why it's hard to empathize with others.

If this is the case, it will take time to change. First, you must be determined to change.

Second, you need to be open with yourself. Imagine letting your emotions flow. You may not like the result, but it will help you connect with others and have a better future.

If you need help, you can find a listener or counselor for long-distance counseling.

I answer questions on Yixinli, listen, and give offline advice. I learn to face life and share experience to help others. I hope I can help you.

Good morning, host. My name is July.

After reviewing your description, I have a better understanding of the question you wish to ask. In light of this, I would like to extend a hug in four dimensions.

The issue you raised in your description appears to be that you will have these thoughts in the moment because you are aware of the changes that your current interpersonal interaction model has brought to you. As a result, you will reflect on the negative aspects that this model has brought to you. In this regard, it can also be seen that the original poster is indeed a thoughtful and reflective person, so the solution to your current problem will become relatively easier.

As you have indicated in your description, you have difficulty empathizing with others and establishing deep relationships. I believe you can quickly establish a good relationship with others, but you may avoid deepening the relationship because you are also afraid of being hurt. Therefore, you may not easily give your true heart away, but rather close your heart at times, because in your subconscious, you are afraid of continuing a healthy social relationship and of course, you are also afraid of something bad happening. Therefore, you simply do not want to establish a deep relationship with others.

When individuals express a desire to get to know you better, you may also feel discomfort and resist more strongly because of their excessive closeness. This is because you may believe the relationship will not last long, so it is better to maintain the initial form.

It is important to note that some of your current behaviors may be attributed to defense mechanisms. To provide context, defense mechanisms are psychological processes that individuals utilize to avoid or reduce distressing thoughts or experiences. They are often employed when an individual is experiencing mental distress to prevent further distress and maintain psychological equilibrium. In your case, it appears that you are apprehensive about the potential for significant emotional distress in interpersonal relationships. This may contribute to your reluctance to develop deep interpersonal connections.

In this regard, I have also summarized some methods to help alleviate the current situation, and I hope they prove useful to you.

(1) It is to be expected that in interpersonal relationships, hurt feelings will occur. After all, interpersonal relationships require a lot of work, so both parties will suffer some hurt. Therefore, it is important to take the time to cultivate these relationships.

(2) It is advisable to develop courage and confidence in order to avoid the avoidance of deep social relationships. This avoidance may result in difficulties in developing present social relationships.

(3) It is advisable to confront the issues you are afraid of rather than avoiding them. Avoidance is not a solution and it is preferable to address the problems you encounter in a gradual manner.

(4) You are already aware of the current problems, so it will be easier to solve them. Therefore, it is recommended that you allocate sufficient time and energy to address the issues you are currently facing.

(5) It is possible that you may have encountered a situation in which you were betrayed by a partner in a relationship, but this is not a universal experience. Therefore, you should proceed without fear and believe that you will also meet someone who is on the same wavelength as you. It is important to understand that relationships require time to develop and flourish.

(6) It would be beneficial to try to let go of some self-imposed psychological barriers and believe that you have the ability to have a long-lasting social relationship. As long as you slowly take that step and slowly express your true thoughts, it will be very beneficial for the advancement of the relationship.

Best regards, The World

Please accept my best wishes.

Hello, I am Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach.

You sense his longing for intimacy and feel a pang of sadness, even a sense of loneliness, because despite your impressive academic performance, you "can't feel" love or connection with others.

Give him a hug. Let's talk about the problems you're having and how to fix them.

Love and being loved is a skill that can be cultivated and practiced.

As you said, you are not very perceptive of others. Empathy is a plus in interpersonal relationships. You can gain a deeper understanding of others by putting yourself in their shoes and feeling what they feel.

Your "reason" makes you appear indifferent, and even if you show understanding for the other person, it is deliberate.

Indifference is a form of isolation and a way of avoiding pain. It is a pretense of not caring, a way of avoiding pain. Behind the emotion of indifference is an unmet need, perhaps a longing for affirmation, recognition, and acceptance.

Indifference is a self-protective mechanism because fear prevents progress. We can see complete uninhibitedness in children. For example, if a toy is taken away, they will cry, but after crying, they will get on with what they were doing.

A child is rich inside, so they don't care or worry and are not afraid. Children have keen senses and empathy surpasses adults.

As children, we were shown unconditional love and acceptance, and that we were the most important person in the world. Our parents would have traded anything for us.

Unconditional love empowers us to love and connect with others. Meditation enhances our connection with ourselves and our ability to perceive others.

The heart cannot feel a connection with others, so it is lonely.

Loneliness is a subjective feeling and experience of feeling isolated and alienated from other people or society.

It is self-isolation, cutting off connections, and it is a kind of escape. Isolating yourself from others brings you painful feelings, and it is a kind of passive isolation.

You can only connect with others when you connect with yourself. This is why you feel lonely.

The ability to connect is the key to distinguishing loneliness from being alone. Let's imagine:

If you give yourself a bad review, your relationships will undoubtedly suffer. You'll be unable to enjoy the pleasure of being with other people. You'll cut off the connection and break the relationship.

A person with a high self-worth gives themselves positive feedback, likes themselves, and enjoys a good connection with themselves. They also like other people, are respected in crowds, and are liked by others. Their heart is open,

You have the power to stay "aware" and see your choices. See one as the criticizing you and the other as the criticized you.

At the same time, tell yourself, "I choose to be alone. I have the right to choose," and take back the right to choose and the initiative.

I know the above is helpful to you, and I know it helps the world. And I love you.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a Heart Coach" in the lower right corner to chat.

It is recommended that the exemplary young lady be embraced from a distance.

In a recent reflection, I was struck by a quote from Gu Liang, which resonated deeply with me. It read, "I suddenly realized that I don't have deep relationships, whether it's love, friendship, or family. This kind of relationship scares me and makes me long for it, but I can't do it." I found myself in agreement with this sentiment.

In the absence of an understanding of the life experience of the individual in question, it is not possible to make arbitrary assumptions. Therefore, it seems prudent to take the opportunity to analyse my own personal experience in order to ascertain whether it will prove enlightening or resonate with the reader.

The influence of the "original family"

A person's psychological and behavioral patterns are inextricably linked to the influence of their original family, and I am no exception to this rule.

Despite being born with the eager expectations of my parents and family, the encounters I had during my upbringing were indescribable. On a daily basis, I was exposed to violent and cold violence, and my vision was filled with fragments. My young heart was enveloped in fear and shattered into pieces.

The occurrence of conflicts between adults results in the formation of a cold family atmosphere, the development of alienated interpersonal relationships, and the manifestation of a profound sense of inferiority in children who experience a lack of warmth and love.

[Love incompetence]

It is defined as a person's lack of interest or inability to respond to profound love or other deep emotional needs for mutual exchange.

The protracted conflicts between the parents have resulted in a situation where, apart from working and fighting, and self-medicating in different ways, they have no time for anything else, including their children. It would appear that they should love me, but they have lost the ability to love.

[Intergenerational Transmission]

This is a psychological phenomenon that refers to the phenomenon of some characteristics of parents continuing to be passed on to their children.

Therefore, in addition to irritability and indifference, I have also been predisposed to an inability to love. In plain language, this signifies that I have never experienced love, and thus I am unable to love others.

If one lacks love in one's heart, how can one possibly give it?

As a result, my relationships are characterized by a tendency toward guardedness, indifference, and even resistance. I have not had the opportunity to engage in deep interactions with family members, classmates, or colleagues, and I lack the capacity to communicate with people on an emotional level.

The subsequent marriage and childbirth were also programmed, and the majority of my own familial relationships were modeled after those of my biological family. As a result, I was forced to acknowledge that I was unable to love my child.

Life under the mask

In the opinion of the psychologist Carl Jung, the socialized self is also the self wearing a personality mask.

An alternative interpretation is that one may be regarded as "precious in front of others, suffering behind their backs."

"I will feign a persona that aligns with the social expectations of popularity. In the eyes of most people, I am perceived as a lively and cheerful individual, and I am regarded as a girl who loves to laugh. This enables me to rapidly integrate into their social circle. I possess an average physical appearance, so I choose to enhance my abilities."

One may lead a glamorous life in the eyes of others, yet still possess a desolate heart. This phenomenon appears to be concurrent with the current situation of the young lady.

This is referred to as empathy.

The Art of Love

I must acknowledge my envy and admiration for your ability to perceive yourself and embark on self-exploration at such a young age. In contrast, I have only been able to gain insight into the core of my problems after decades of trial and error.

Therefore, I extend my congratulations to you for having circumvented a considerable number of potential pitfalls.

Undoubtedly, this path is not without its challenges. However, may wisdom and courage be with you. It would be prudent to consider consulting with a psychologist. I have benefited greatly from such counsel, and I hope you will too.

It would be beneficial to first read the following book.

The Art of Love is a psychological work by the social psychologist Erich Fromm.

The book posits that love is an art form that necessitates knowledge and exertion on the part of those striving to master it. It challenges the notion that romantic love between a man and a woman represents the sole form of love, and asserts that it cannot be acquired through mere practice and skill development.

Love is the outward expression of one's personality as a whole. To develop the capacity for love, one must endeavor to cultivate one's personality and pursue beneficial objectives (quoted from Baidu Baike).

It is my sincere hope that the world will flourish and that you will find love and happiness.

Hello, question asker! I just wanted to say first of all that you are really outstanding, so well done!

You are amazing! Getting into a top national university is already a few streets ahead of many people. You are awesome! The fact that you were able to get into such a good school shows that you are a person with a strong learning ability, surpassing many people.

You're also very perceptive. You've realized that you're having trouble establishing deep relationships with others, whether in family, friendship, or love. Why is that? You may be self-reflecting because you lack the ability to empathize with others. When others encounter something, whether happy or sad, you're unable to share their joy or sorrow. This may make you feel that you're unable to enter the hearts of others and establish deep relationships with them, which makes you feel a little distressed. You also need to change.

Awareness is the first step on the path to change. Since you've taken this first step, you're already on your way!

Empathy is such an important ability for a person! With empathy, we can really get to know another person's heart and understand them fully. This does require learning, and you can borrow books from the school library on cultivating a person's empathy, or take training.

Wishing you all the best, my friend! I love you!

Thank you for your inquiry. I am a listening therapist at Yi Xinli.

Firstly, it is essential to affirm one's abilities. You have stated that you can learn anything quickly and that you are a top student at a 985 university, which clearly demonstrates your strength and talent in learning or researching a specific field. Concurrently, you have indicated that you have not had a long-term, stable relationship.

The desire for a stable relationship is present, yet the fear of deeper intimacy hinders this aspiration, resulting in significant distress.

We must then consider the possibility that the cause may be rooted in the original family dynamic. It is essential to reflect on the patterns of interaction with our parents.

In general, individuals tend to project their experiences of relationship with their parents onto their subsequent relationships with others. In fact, research indicates that individuals typically engage in only three types of relationships throughout their lives: their relationship with their parents, their relationship with themselves, and their relationship with others.

It can be reasonably assumed that even in instances where an individual may experience feelings of emotional isolation, the desire for a stable and close relationship persists. Humans are social creatures, and the formation of a stable and long-lasting relationship with others provides a sense of security and stability, allowing for a greater focus on one's own pursuits. This phenomenon is also observed in children with secure attachment.

In the presence of others, one experiences positive affect. Conversely, when others are absent, one engages in solitary activities and awaits their return.

One method for achieving this is to alter one's emotional state. It is likely that you are already aware of the sensations associated with feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, and the fear of being abandoned, or of abandoning others.

Then, consider the concept of stability and security. What are the sensations associated with feeling grounded and relaxed?

What emotions do you experience when in the presence of others? Do you feel anxious?

One might consider that when one imagines being with another person, it evokes a sense of security and attachment. When one identifies this sensation and allows it to become integrated into one's emotional landscape, it may provide a sense of relief. Over time, one gradually develops a connection with others and experiences a stable, enduring sense of intimacy.

It is important to identify the characteristics of a long-term, stable emotional connection and to reflect on them regularly, whenever time allows. By doing so, it is possible to establish a connection that is both enduring and emotionally secure. While this process may require a significant investment of time, it is a highly effective approach.

Furthermore, you have previously indicated that you have experienced two separations, and that you were the individual who initiated the dissolution of the relationship. Consequently, when you raise this issue now, do you also experience a certain degree of introspection and self-reproach, and do you perceive this as a personal shortcoming?

Indeed, one might argue that the individual in question is also a victim of unstable relationships. It seems unlikely that this is the outcome that the individual desires.

The desire for a long-term, stable relationship is not inherently problematic; however, the inability to maintain such a relationship is not a reflection of a lack of desire, but rather the result of an inability to achieve the necessary stability. The first step in overcoming this challenge is to learn to forgive oneself, accept oneself, and affirm oneself.

Affirm the positive aspects of your character and disregard or ignore the negative. As humans, we all have our own set of challenges and difficulties, some of which may originate from our family of origin. Additionally, we all face our own unique set of problems and challenges in life, which can be influenced by various social factors.

It is unfeasible to achieve perfection in all endeavours; similarly, it is impossible to perform poorly in all tasks. Inevitably, one will excel in some areas and fall short in others. Consequently, if one is engaged in active learning, it is pertinent to question whether the objective is to gain something tangible.

This will result in fatigue, as there is a constant drive to achieve a goal. The objective is not to obtain something, but to become a better version of oneself.

Another concept is that when an individual learns to be alone and attain inner peace, they also learn to be at peace with others. Conversely, when an individual is uncomfortable with solitude, they may seek long-term relationships, which can lead to feelings of exhaustion and irritability.

Thus, the majority of time spent in solitude is spent learning to be alone. While long-lasting and stable connections with others are necessary, relationships should not be taken too seriously. If an individual places an excessive amount of importance on relationships, they can become a burden. Self-care is also an effective method for coping with challenges.

It is not necessary for people to have a great many connections. The majority of people live alone, and the ability to live independently is a valuable asset.

It would be advisable to cultivate a sense of security and stability when one is alone, while also recognizing that there are individuals who are willing to provide companionship and support when needed.

It is therefore recommended that individuals with the requisite time engage in a more proactive approach. It may be observed that those who are passive may experience feelings of loneliness and isolation. Consequently, it is advised that such individuals adopt a more proactive stance, which may be achieved through activities such as texting or calling friends, taking friends out to dinner, or offering to help out. This may serve to strengthen existing friendships and enhance feelings of comfort.

I am a listening therapist at Yi Xinli, and I extend my best wishes to you and the world.

It is my hope that you will be able to transform your considerable assets into even greater wealth and that you will learn to accept your imperfections as minor flaws that only serve to enhance the beauty of the white wall.

Hello, questioner! From what you've shared, I can tell you're looking for a relationship. You're clearly very intelligent.

You got into a top university, so I think you're really good at school and have excellent learning abilities. You said that you've always tried to hide your indifference by imitating others. It seems like you're afraid of something, don't want others to get close to you, and are unable to establish deep relationships.

I'd also like to know more about your upbringing and what your family situation was like. Did you ever feel the warmth and care of others?

Maybe something has made it difficult for you to trust others?

Your description of the desire and fear of intimacy evokes a sense of division and conflict in me, reminiscent of people who have been hurt in relationships. Have you ever considered the role of stray cats in this context?

Some of them have been abandoned and abused by their owners before. When they are adopted again, it takes a long and difficult process to establish a new relationship with them. What I'm trying to say is that humans are also like this in terms of certain emotions and relationships. As the saying goes, "Once bitten by a snake, afraid of the well rope for ten years."

Of course, human emotions are more complicated than this, and I can only provide some thoughts and hypotheses for your reference.

I think you have a very important quality: the willingness and conscious initiative to learn and imitate the kind of relationship you think is good, to present the "self" that is more easily accepted by others. Of course, I think this is hard to do, or I would also like to think about what the real you might be like. As you said, you are lively and cheerful in public, but inside you also have a lot of feelings of distress, helplessness, and loneliness...

Additionally, having a knack for learning is a big plus. We all pick up tips on how to interact with others from our peers. It seems like you're particularly attuned to what others like and what they need. However, a "good" ability to learn, put another way, may sometimes also bring you some "misfortune." It allows you to more easily identify some of the not-so-great aspects of life, and it helps you learn how to better protect yourself in life and be less vulnerable to harm.

On the other hand, this might also be why you find it difficult to connect with others. It could even make you less open to others emotionally.

In general, relationship problems are related to personal characteristics and the environment in which we grow up. These factors interact in complex ways to influence our interpersonal patterns and emotions. Of course, I have also seen some more difficult situations.

But anyway, I think that each of us spends our whole lives interacting with others, learning how to get along with others, how to love others, and how to love ourselves.

I hope some of this is useful for you. Best wishes,

I hope some of this is useful for you. Best regards,

Hello, question asker. From what you've said, I can see that you have mixed feelings about your intimate relationship. You want to get close to someone, but you're not sure how.

The questioner said, "I'll act like the kind of person I think people want me to be to be more popular. Most people see me as lively and cheerful, and I'm also a girl who loves to laugh. This will help me fit in with them." It seems that the questioner often shows the best side of themselves to gain a good impression and establish a relationship.

It seems like the not-so-great side is hidden.

The questioner said, "I tried to fall in love twice last year and ended things with both of them after a short period of time. I feel that the closeness of the other person only makes me want to stay away. I suddenly realized that I don't have deep relationships, whether it's love, friendship, or family." From this description, it seems that the questioner was unable to establish a good intimate relationship with his parents when he was young. Could it be because his parents were too strict and had too high expectations of us, and the parent-child relationship was only relatively good when we behaved well?

If you act out of line, are afraid to tell them your true feelings in case they scold or criticize you, do you hide your bad side? This could affect how you act when you fall in love later.

If this is the case, I think it may be that the way we were raised by our parents when we were young has led the questioner to adopt this attitude towards life. After all, that's how we learned to be safe and to receive our parents' love.

The truth is, though, that there's more to us than just our good sides. Even if we have bad sides, our loved ones and friends will understand and accept them. They'll still be there for us when we need them, even when we're not at our best.

This is what healthy relationships are all about. So I suggest that the questioner try not to hide their bad side and be true to themselves, for example by actively confiding in a good friend about their distress. I believe that a true friend must love you and understand you.

If you don't have anyone to talk to right now, you can also find a therapist who'll listen to you and help you work through this pattern.

I hope this is helpful to the person who asked the question.

All feelings are valid. Hello, I'm Dorothea W.

From your description, I can see you're confused. You're self-aware and analytical, which is great. The first step to growth and change is self-reflection.

You say you can't empathize with others. You also say, "What should I do when I have these feelings?"

I'm trying to understand your psychology. I don't know what to do with these feelings, so I can't have them. I can't empathize because I don't want to or I'm afraid to. I can only see the words, so I don't know if this is right.

I hope to give you a way to explore this further.

Often, we use reason to explain things that scare us. So, if this is a possible direction to explore, can we recall whether we have had any emotional setbacks in our growth process? In the future, whenever we face similar situations, we will automatically emotionally isolate ourselves to protect ourselves.

Almost everyone adapts to society and tries to meet social expectations. This benefits us because we want to belong. But when a relationship fails, we realize we need to change.

When the other person wants to get close, you want to get away. You long for intimacy but fear it.

It's natural to want intimacy. Does this mean you can't empathize or form intimacy? Maybe you're just afraid. What are you afraid of?

Are you afraid of losing it after you have it? Are you afraid of being seen in intimate situations?

Or something else?

You have nowhere to turn when you are troubled and helpless. Why?

What is the right person?

List the criteria for a suitable candidate. Then, search your social circle to see if anyone meets them.

Why are you afraid to talk to someone?

Are you afraid the other person won't keep your problems secret? Are you afraid others will see your flaws?

Or something else?

To explore yourself, answer questions. With your strong analytical skills, you can do it. Explore slowly and you will find answers. Write down answers and relate them to see new discoveries!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm here to help!

Thank you so much for sharing your dreams with us in the hope of finding an answer. You ask: What if I can't empathize with others and feel that I can't establish deep relationships?

First, I'll give you a big hug, I'll try to understand your confusion, and I'll do my best to have a good relationship with you. I wish I could say I have a good emotional connection with you, but I'm very distressed.

1. Self-statement

1⃣️, always

You said, "Female, 19 years old, I feel that I cannot empathize with others, and I will be relatively indifferent when I encounter other people's problems."

You're a 19-year-old girl, and it seems like you're struggling to connect with others on an emotional level. It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes! I'm here to listen and help you figure out what you need.

2⃣️, performance

You said, "If someone is hurt or has had an accident, I can't quite feel sympathy or sadness. I just feel that I should comfort them and develop an emotional attachment to them. But if I have that kind of feeling, what should I do?"

It's totally normal to not feel the pain of others when they're hurting or going through a tough time. We've all been there! There are probably two main reasons why this might happen.

Let's talk about your personality!

It's possible that your personality could use a little more compassion, and this is due to your character.

Let's dive into the world of radical personality traits! These include:

You're a strong-willed, action-oriented, energetic, and achievement-oriented person!

You're so courageous and decisive, persevering through challenges with a determination that's admirable. You're unafraid of difficulties and highly self-disciplined, which makes you an excellent problem-solver.

We all have our little quirks, and yours are as follows: you can be a little short-tempered, you lack empathy, you're a bit stubborn, you're a little arrogant, and you're a bit complacent.

You're a strong, self-disciplined, and decisive person. You often fail to sense the feelings of others, especially the weak. This can make it difficult for you to know how to help others, even if you want to.

Let's talk about your childhood.

It's possible that you grew up in a family environment that was a little bit too controlling for your liking. Maybe your parents expected you to be strong and obey orders, and they didn't always allow you to express your own thoughts. Over time, this might have made it a little bit harder for you to connect with your emotions and empathize with others. When something happens, you might find yourself naturally thinking about how to solve the problem, rather than how to understand the other person's mood at that moment and give appropriate comfort.

3⃣, feelings

You say, "I know this way of thinking is wrong, so I'll try to be more like I think I should be to be more popular. Most people see me as lively and cheerful, and I'm also a girl who loves to laugh. This will help me fit in with them quickly."

? Compliant personality

I can see that you have a strong sense of awareness and can adjust your interaction with others, even if it is not your own desire. You can change your external behavior in order to gain good interpersonal relationships, which is great! It's obvious that you are a people pleaser, which is a wonderful quality.

A pleasing personality is one that blindly seeks to please others without regard for one's own feelings. It's not a healthy state of mind, is it? The essence of pleasing others is that others are more important than I am. I'm only safe and loved if I make others feel comfortable.

So, you're more concerned about what your classmates and parents think of you, what they're saying, and what they care about, while ignoring your true feelings. I totally get it!

? Coping attitude

From what you've told me, I can really see how your family environment has shaped you. It's so important to be true to yourself, but it can be hard when you're trying to please others. I can see how you've learned to adapt to fit in, but it's time to embrace who you really are!

4⃣️, ability

You said, "I look average, so I choose to improve my abilities. I think I'm a smart person and I can pick up anything quickly. I'm currently studying at a top 985 university in China, and my abilities will make people appreciate me."

You're so confident!

I can see how clever you are and how confident you are in yourself. I think this is also because of how you were brought up on your own by your original family.

You have a great sense of self-worth and believe that being capable and studious can also attract others' admiration for you.

Expectations:

I can see that you have high expectations of yourself. You want to be valued and appreciated, and you work hard to gain the approval of others.

It's also possible that you care a lot about what others think of you, which is a common trait among people who please others.

5⃣️, Emotions

You say, "I feel that the closeness of others only makes me want to distance myself. I suddenly realize that I don't have deep relationships, whether they be love, friendship, or family ties. This kind of relationship makes me both afraid and yearn, but I can't do it. Sometimes when I'm troubled and helpless, I can't even find someone to talk to.

You have a tough shell, sweetie.

I can tell you're a bit of a tough nut to crack! It's like you have a very hard shell that prevents people from accessing your inner world and feeling your true emotions. You wrap yourself up very tightly and conceal yourself very well.

It's totally understandable! You want to stay away from other people because you're afraid that others will get to know you and see your innermost thoughts. So, you keep a certain distance from everyone.

That is, you are very cautious.

Desire

It's totally understandable that you're afraid of building intimate relationships because your family of origin has given you no sense of closeness. It's natural to long to build intimate relationships because everyone needs to connect with others.

It's so important to feel seen and understood, and to have a sense of value.

6⃣️, Problem It's okay to feel stuck. We've all been there. You know your strengths and weaknesses, but you're not sure how to use your strengths and avoid your weaknesses to establish good interpersonal relationships. It's a tough spot to be in, but you've got this!

You're asking yourself, "How should I go on? What should I do?"

It's clear you know your strengths and weaknesses well, but you're not sure how to use your strengths, avoid your weaknesses, and build good relationships. It's tough when you're in the middle of a challenging situation and can't see a way out.

2. Analysis I'm here to help!

1⃣️ Internal factors

Empathy is all about being able to see things from someone else's perspective. It's about putting yourself in their shoes and understanding their situation. It's about listening with a loving heart and feeling their emotions. It's about connecting with them on a deep level.

Personality

Your difficulty in developing empathy is related to some internal factors. As we mentioned earlier, your personality is such that you are more concerned with your own success and may sometimes overlook the feelings of others. You may lack a little compassion and empathy for the feelings of others, so your empathy is not as strong as it could be. This is the result of some internal factors.

We all know how important listening is, but sometimes it's not so easy to do!

Another thing that makes it tough for you to empathize is that you're pretty self-centered, which makes it hard for you to focus on others' stories or pay attention to their state. You also find it tricky to listen to what others are saying or read their body language.

So, it can be tricky for you to understand other people's feelings and connect with them emotionally.

2⃣️ External factors

We all have our own unique family backgrounds, and these can have a big impact on our lives.

Your family life environment is another external factor that makes it difficult for you to empathize with others. As we mentioned earlier, your parents had strong personalities, which made it challenging for you to express your emotions. This led to feelings of depression.

You also feel unloved, sweetie, so you haven't and won't express love.

Empathy is really all about giving love. When we're loved, we can express and give love to others. But your upbringing didn't give you the love you needed, so it's hard for you to love yourself and understand other people's feelings.

So, you're not able to practice empathy or give love to others.

We all need a little guidance sometimes!

It's totally normal to feel like you need a little guidance when you notice a lack of intimacy in your relationships. We all need a helping hand sometimes! You might not have a guide to practice with at the moment, but that's OK.

3. How to do it

1⃣️, Seeing

We all have problems, and that's okay!

As we've chatted about, there are a few main things that can affect our ability to empathize and build great relationships. These include our natural character, our listening skills, a lack of love, and a lack of guidance.

Ability

I also want to remind you that you have a great ability to perceive and learn, which are essential for promoting self-change.

I'm here to offer you hope.

You know your shortcomings and you are willing to change. This is your motivation to change and become a new you. Now, you just need to figure out how to do it, and I'm here to help!

2⃣️, learn to listen

Let it go, my friend.

It's time to let go of all those bad habits from the past, including the ones related to your lifestyle, social interactions, and listening skills.

? Feel with your heart.

It's so important to feel your own feelings.

It doesn't matter if it's something good or bad, just pay attention to your feelings and write them down.

It's so important to try to feel the feelings of others.

When you see or hear things about other people, it's a great idea to try to understand what you really think and feel at the moment, and record your feelings.

Listen with your heart and really pay attention.

When someone shares their feelings with you, it's so important to listen carefully and try to understand what they're trying to say. It's also good to pay attention to their body language, as this can give you clues about how they're feeling. Try not to rush to share your own thoughts, as this can make the other person feel pressured.

It's so important to listen to what the other person is saying and to let them say it in their own way. When they've finished, it's good to respond with words like "hmm," "and then?" and "next?" to show that you're listening.

It's so important to establish good communication!

3⃣️ Learn to love and express yourself!

It's so important to accept love!

To love others, you've got to learn to accept love first. When someone shows you love, don't run away, but accept it with joy!

And remember to cherish the love that others give you, and enjoy the wonderful feeling of receiving love in this moment.

You deserve to love yourself!

It's totally understandable that you can't devote yourself to love. We all have our own unique journey, and you've had your fair share of heartache along the way. It's only natural that you might lack confidence in loving yourself and paying attention to your feelings. But, you have the strength to love, and I believe in you!

Take care of yourself, sweetheart.

It all starts with paying attention to yourself. Take a moment to check in with your mood and your hobbies.

It's so important to make time for yourself!

Give yourself some love! Set aside time to do the things you love.

It's so important to give yourself room to let off steam!

When you're feeling down, take a moment to pause and reflect on what might be causing this shift in mood. Once you've identified the root cause, you can then work on finding a solution to lift your spirits. Once you've adjusted your mood, you can then get back to work or studies.

All of these things are ways of showing love for yourself. When you love yourself, you'll see how important you are, and your ability to love will grow too!

Expressing love is so important!

Love is a form of communication. It's so important to remember that love is communicated both verbally and non-verbally.

It's so important to remember that love is only love when it's received. So, it's vital to express it well when sharing it with others.

We all understand love in our own way, and we all express and receive love in different ways, too. Dr. Gary Chapman has come up with a helpful way to understand the different ways we show and receive love. He calls these five ways the "languages of love." They are: "affirming words," "quality time," "exchange of gifts," "acts of service," and "physical touch."

Affirming words are so important!

It doesn't matter if you're friends, colleagues, lovers, or husband and wife. You need to hear praise and affirmation, and the more positive feedback you give each other, the deeper your bond will become.

? Moments of attention

A moment of intimacy is such a wonderful moment or memory that you share together, like a candlelit dinner or doing something meaningful together. Make sure you give your full attention to the other person during this time.

And of course, accepting gifts is always a wonderful thing!

Exchanging gifts on important holidays is a wonderful ritual that strengthens relationships. The gift itself is a beautiful symbol of love and connection. It can be a tangible object or an abstract feeling.

Service actions are a great way to show your love and appreciation for your partner. It's all about going the extra mile to make their life easier and happier.

In a nutshell, it's all about doing what your partner wants you to do and making them happy in any way you can. These little things in life can make a big difference!

And of course, there's physical contact!

Holding hands, hugging, and other forms of physical contact can really help to deepen the affection between you two. It's a wonderful way to show your love and affection for each other.

4⃣️, Deliberate practice

It's so important to practice empathy and interpersonal skills after you've learned the method, to really make it part of who you are. This is the only way you can naturally empathize with others without thinking about it, improve your relationship management skills, and have a good intimate relationship.

It's totally normal for things to take time. Just take your sweet time, stick to your idea of wanting to change, and keep doing it. You'll see changes in your relationships and an improvement in your ability to empathize.

I really hope the original poster makes progress!