What if I can't fit into the current urban living circle? I want to settle in the countryside.

Hello! From your description, I can tell you're feeling curious, conflicted, and ready to embrace some good times.

I'm a psychological counselor, and I'd love to share some insights from a psychological perspective.

You grew up in the city, but deep down, you're not totally satisfied with everything about it. This is your objective world. After visiting the countryside once, you got a lot of attention from the locals because you were unfamiliar with the area. You also had a lot of yearnings and expectations for it. I can sense your intention, your sense of freshness, your curiosity, and your yearning, but what if we stayed there for a while?

Or you can ask your husband about how he feels about his hometown and how he feels about working in the city now. It might be really helpful to do this together! Your city may not just have the shortcomings you see, and your hometown is not just your idealization, but also has the limitations of regional culture.

You can express your feelings, your preferences for environment and human care, and you can also look for opportunities to experience life. Spend some time there alone or with your husband to feel its truth, goodness and beauty. Observe and experience it from different dimensions, complete the integration of subjective judgment and the objective world, and then make a decision.

It's important to be aware of your own thoughts. You have some idealization and a lot of curiosity and yearning for unfamiliar environments; you also have some trauma and a lot of frustration for familiar places. The contrast formed here will cause your conflict. The world and I love you, and you also have to learn to take care of yourself, communicate and interact with your family, discuss and reach a consensus in the future. I hope you can do what you want to do while you are still young. People who have dreams grow up happily. Come on, I know you can do it!

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi, also known as Fengshou Slender Donkey.

The questioner is right to note the difference in enthusiasm between the city and the countryside. As someone who lives in both places, I can confirm this is a real distinction.

The source of human warmth is clear.

The human touch from acquaintances and the fact that love for one person extends to their family and friends is a form of human touch. As the husband's partner, it is normal for the questioner to feel the human touch and the atmosphere of smoke and fire in their hometown. Cities have more pressure in life and a fixed social circle, so it is impossible to feel the human touch from people outside one's acquaintances.

The human touch is directly proportional to the density of interactions. The more familiar we are with someone, the more enthusiastic and positive we are. We are just acquaintances with strangers. This is basically the same in both cities and the countryside.

The human touch is a direct result of the topic. The more common the circle, the more common the topics, and the stronger the human touch. People in the countryside basically come from the same circle, so they have more common topics and get to know each other more easily. Even if people in the city are neighbors, they may not have the same circle as you, so it is difficult to mention common topics.

Human kindness is mutual. I'll tell you a story that happened to me: During the three-month epidemic control in Shanghai, I became the building manager. I sent out antigen tests and supplies to everyone in the building every day. I did this out of a sense of volunteerism, but when I couldn't buy food, I felt the deep love from the whole building. Some people enthusiastically delivered food to me, some gave me food to eat, and some greeted me warmly as soon as they saw me. So breaking the ice is very meaningful.

While there are undoubtedly some xenophobic people in every place, the vast majority are kind. We can and should avoid being influenced by a few people and take a step forward. You will discover a different world.

##A slower pace of life

Fast-paced cities have better resources, more opportunities, and more pressure. Slow-paced cities have fewer resources, fewer opportunities, and less pressure.

Cities with a fast pace have a more compact living arrangement, while cities with a slow pace have a more relaxed living routine.

The questioner must first consider the advantages and disadvantages of each situation, then make a well-informed decision. The reason the questioner's husband didn't take it seriously is because she mentioned it casually without providing a detailed plan. Regardless of the city, there will always be xenophobes and non-xenophobes. However, if you're willing to integrate, you'll build excellent interpersonal relationships!

Best wishes!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

After seeing the questioner's confession, I really want to tell the questioner that he's not alone in having these thoughts. This is also a pretty common phenomenon. The longer most people stay in the city, the less enthusiastic they feel about the city's people and they can't feel the human touch. It's not that city people look down on anyone, but rather that issues such as the environment and pace of life cause this.

Some people just don't seem to be that enthusiastic about it.

In an urban setting, each floor usually has a few households, and people tend to go out at different times. This can result in neighbors not knowing each other. I recently met an aunt who I hadn't seen in a few years in my hometown. We got to talking, and she mentioned that she's lived in the city for a few years and has never even met her neighbors.

The environment is a factor, as are age, topics of conversation, and the pace of life. City life is fast-paced, and most people are driven by work and life in general. It seems that if they slow down even a little, they'll be left behind.

When they get a chance to take it easy, they just want to recharge. They don't spend a lot of time or energy on relationships with their neighbors. They need to recharge before they can keep working hard on their goals.

It's important to recognize your own needs.

The questioner is a local at his current place of residence, but he returned with his husband to his hometown and fell in love with the warmth and human touch there. He even has plans to settle there because he's looking for a change of pace.

The questioner wants to live with such a crowd, with all those smiling, approachable faces. It'll be a big change from the coldness of the local people, who make people feel cold.

If you're looking for a more lively, warm, and enthusiastic environment, and your husband's hometown checks all those boxes, then it's probably a good fit for you. And if you have property there, you might even consider settling down, even if you don't plan to live there full-time. You can always plan to go back and live there occasionally.

? Identifying the core issue

The questioner said they want to go to a place with a slower pace, a more human touch, no xenophobia, and a low cost of living to settle down. It's clear that the questioner cares more about a place where they don't have to spend so much energy and time maintaining any relationship, just a simple and easy interaction, without backstabbing or being too indifferent.

But in reality, in many relationships, the longer you get to know each other, the more you realize that you still need to put in the work to maintain each relationship. Instead of switching places, you might try some new ways to connect:

☀️Initiative: In normal times, you can take the initiative to greet your neighbors in the same building. This helps everyone get to know you better. When you become familiar with each other slowly, neighbors help each other and interact with each other. This makes their relationship stronger. Gold neighbors and silver relatives don't care too much about who took the initiative.

☀️ Lower your expectations. The more we want something, the higher our expectations become. If we don't get what we want, we'll be disappointed. Lower your expectations. After doing your best and giving your all, don't expect to be treated the same way in return.

☀️Listen to your gut. Not everyone in the crowd you come into contact with is friendly. When some of the people you come into contact with are too fake and their values differ from your own, you can follow your heart and reduce your interactions with this group of people or avoid them altogether, so that they don't affect your mood.

I hope this helps the questioner. Best wishes.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question carefully, I feel that this kind of major family decision should be discussed and decided together as a family.

I'd still love to help you make your final decision by sharing some analysis and suggestions on the platform.

[Multiple reasons for moving]

There are so many reasons why folks are thinking about moving away from home!

The reason for moving is to solve some practical problems and make life better for yourself!

For example, things like career development, children's education, medical benefits, and just generally feeling happy and content.

As the questioner describes, the city isn't really her cup of tea. It's not very humane, the pace of life is fast, and she finds the local middle-aged and elderly people a bit snobbish and small-minded. She feels like she's living a particularly tired life there. But this is only one aspect of how interpersonal relationships affect the quality of life.

It's possible that the questioner didn't think about other things like career development, children's education, and medical benefits, which might be why her husband thinks she's joking and doesn't take it seriously.

[The smell of fireworks in the countryside]

The questioner describes it perfectly: "I felt the strong sense of human warmth and the smell of smoke and fire," and "I didn't want to go back to my own home, I wanted to settle in the countryside."

City dwellers who have lived in the city for a long time will be drawn to the charms of the countryside, including the slow pace of life, the simple work and way of living, the sense of order and ritual, and the welcoming, down-to-earth culture. They'll find the straightforward, honest way of communicating with others in the countryside appealing.

It's also important to recognize that rural life can sometimes create illusions for city dwellers, stimulate various desires, and inspire all kinds of experimentation. Whether it's really suitable for everyone depends on the specific situation and person.

[Choice of city of emigration]

If the questioner and his family have decided to move,

The questioner has a great idea of what they're looking for in a city! They want a slower pace, a stronger human touch and local flavor, no xenophobia among the locals, and a not-too-high cost of living.

I really think that cities in Jiangsu, like Yangzhou, are great options! And there are so many other wonderful, liveable cities in Jiangsu too!

This is not just about the current level of economic development, but also about the wonderful historical and cultural heritage that these cities have to offer. The specific situation can be found out by the questioner from various sources.

I really hope this helps!