What if I have a fight with my mom? I can feel that she often attacks me, intentionally or unintentionally.

My name is Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, and I am a Heart Detective coach.

After reading the questioner's description, I am struck by a sense of envy. The questioner's mother is willing to assume the role of childcare provider. Regardless of whether the childcare is provided by in-laws or one's own parents, there is a tendency for differences in educational philosophies to emerge between the two generations.

It took me a considerable amount of time to come to this understanding. The generation of my parents and other elders did not experience significant conflicts regarding child-rearing practices because they had relatively limited experience themselves and lacked access to established channels for learning. Instead, they relied on the guidance of their elders' experience. In contrast, our generation has a multitude of channels for learning and does not prioritize the inheritance of such experience, which has led to a heightened prevalence of conflicts.

It is not uncommon for individuals to interact harmoniously with those with whom they are intimately acquainted, without giving due consideration to the specifics of their interactions. However, fostering positive relationships with others, even those within one's immediate family, may necessitate the provision of tangible or emotional benefits. The questioner may benefit from reflecting on whether they have reciprocated their mother's emotional contributions and expressed gratitude for her efforts. Alternatively, they may assume these contributions are a given and criticize her if she fails to perform them satisfactorily.

In the latter case, it is not unusual for a mother to display emotional responses.

One must consider whether the mother's accusation is an attack on the questioner, reflecting the questioner's inability to maintain other intimate relationships, or whether the accusation is an attempt to vent grievances and gain the questioner's understanding and respect. An understanding of the needs behind the mother's words may assist the questioner in understanding her mother's needs and thus facilitate a targeted change in communication methods.

It is evident that the questioner is contemplating his mother's role in child-rearing and the financial implications thereof. His mother, for her part, is willing to provide financial support for her son's upbringing, even if the amount is not considerable. Furthermore, her contributions extend beyond child-rearing. It is plausible that she also hopes for his well-being. The discrepancy in their modes of expressing love may, therefore, result in a sense of distance between them. It would be beneficial to communicate with your mother in a manner that aligns with her preferences for expressing love, which could potentially enhance her experience.

Indeed, regardless of whether the individual in question is a mother-in-law, a daughter-in-law, or a mother-in-law and son-in-law, the individual who is omitted from the discussion will likely experience feelings of exclusion and isolation. The questioner may attempt to consider this matter. If the omitted individual were the mother-in-law, would the questioner prefer the other person to join her husband in blaming her, or would she prefer the other person to support her? Attempting to comprehend the perspective of the mother may contribute to a sense of relaxation among the questioner.

In one's own family unit, one's mother may serve merely as an auxiliary support force. Would it not be more appropriate to communicate effectively with one's spouse regarding the primary responsibilities within the family unit, rather than categorizing them as tasks that one's mother should perform?

For example, the questioner stated that her husband's response was, "If you have time, you do it yourself. I don't have time, and I can't persuade anyone else to do it." This could be interpreted as an implicit expression of disapproval of her mother's lack of support.

In the event of irreconcilable conflicts, it would be beneficial to ascertain whether the questioner is willing to make certain compromises in order to allow her mother to assume responsibility for the children's care. Alternatively, it may be advisable to provide support to the mother in her efforts to resume her independent life, thereby preventing her from persistently exploiting the situation to influence the questioner's emotions.

An attempt to comprehend one's own preferred solution may serve to mitigate the emotional distress experienced.

It is recommended that the individual attempt to communicate when they are not emotionally distressed. This may assist in preventing the expression of hurtful statements when they are emotionally charged. It is advised that the individual wait until they have regained composure before engaging in an honest and sincere dialogue with their mother.

One possible course of action would be to inform your mother of your affection for her and the contributions you have made, while simultaneously articulating your emotional state in response to her actions and your own needs. This approach may facilitate a more profound mutual understanding.

The questioner may attempt to adopt an objective viewpoint and examine their relationship with their mother from the perspective of an external observer. Is there a deficiency in the attention paid to methods and boundaries pertaining to intimacy? When viewed from an external standpoint, one's perspective may shift considerably.

It is recommended that the reader familiarize themselves with the following texts: "Nonviolent Communication" and "The Power of Empathy."

I wish you the best of success in your endeavors.

Hello! I'm Li Di☀, and I'm so happy we've connected.

From what you've said, it seems like you feel misunderstood and powerless in your family, especially in your relationship with your mother. It's so hard when problems keep piling up and communication gets stuck in a rut. It's like you're both stuck in a cycle of mutual complaints and grievances. It's totally understandable that you feel like you don't understand me, and I can't empathize with you. This can really take a toll on you, leaving you feeling tired and exhausted. There are so many emotions involved, and you're not sure what to do. I'm here for you, and I want you to know that I'm sending you a big, warm hug. As I kept reading your post, I had a few thoughts that I'd love to share with you.

☞First, because of the curtain incident, I suggested that my mother sew the curtains. I thought it would be quick and easy, but my mother said it wouldn't be quick. I then proposed a solution: make new ones and sew the old ones back on. But my husband disagreed with the new ones, saying that the laundry shop could sew them. But I felt that the laundry shop would sew them poorly, and wanted to go to a sewing shop. My mother then said that the sewing shop wouldn't sew them. My husband still suggested that I take them to the laundry shop. Here I was already very angry. I seemed to see a simple problem sparking off countless little problems. Then why was I angry? I wanted my mother to help, but it seemed that my mother also had a lot of problems and no real solutions. I seemed to have no one to rely on. I was sad and thought of a new solution, but my husband disagreed again. I proposed taking them to the laundry shop, but he didn't consider my time and energy. I was also very aggrieved. So on the surface of sadness and anger, I became angry. The next thing was an argument. So when I calm down and think about this matter, can I see what I am trying to express behind my emotions?

☞Second, after we had a fight, my mother started crying and complaining. She said that I had no conscience, that I said she was someone else, that she helped me with the children but was just a burden, and that I taught the children to rely on themselves and not on others. In my mother's understanding, I treated her like someone else, and I treated her even worse than a nanny, saying that she suffered humiliation while earning money from me. I felt really bad when I heard her say these things. Not only did my mother's words hurt her, they also hurt me. In my heart, I didn't think these things, but on the contrary, it seemed that my mother was expressing a lack of recognition from me, and there seemed to be a feeling of disrespect.

Do I understand my mother's feelings in my daily life? I'd love to be able to put myself in her shoes and feel what she is expressing through her emotions.

☞ Third, my mother is going through a lot in her life, too. She's struggling with her relationship with my father, feeling guilty for not taking care of my grandfather, and blaming me for everything. I find it hard to accept her way of expressing herself, but I also don't like it when she complains all the time. How can I help her to see things differently?

We can definitely communicate and find a solution together. I understand that you have a lot of difficulties, but I'm really sad and feel a bit aggrieved when you always say it's because of me.

☞Fourth, when it comes to parenting concepts, I don't seem to have my mother-in-law's support when I'm dealing with conflicts with my husband. I know I can get angry with her, argue with her, and not understand her, but I'm trying to work on that. I even feel like she's taking out her grievances on me, which is unfair. There are so many things like this in life, and I'm just so tired! I really need my mother-in-law's support, but I don't feel it. I can see that she takes care of me and is good to the children, but I don't feel like she understands or accepts me. So, have I started to understand, accept, and empathize with myself? I can see that I seem to have different emotions every day, like anger, grievances, helplessness, and hopelessness. I don't seem to care about myself, though. So, can I start by learning to care for and love myself?

To be aware of your emotions, understand them, allow them to exist, explore the needs behind them, and learn to love and care for yourself first?

I just wanted to share some thoughts from other perspectives, but if anything makes you feel uncomfortable, you can choose to ignore it. These are just some assumptions, but I'm here for you if you want to talk about them.

Let's dive deep together to explore the underlying psychological mechanisms behind your feelings and needs. This will help you understand and accept yourself better.

I can tell you're feeling pretty tired, frustrated, and unhappy. It seems like your mom's actions are putting you in a tough spot, and it also seems like her expectations and demands are a lot to handle.

It's totally normal to feel this way. Let's take a closer look at what you need and how you're feeling.

☆ Autonomy: You mentioned being rushed to do certain things, such as serving food and washing up, which may make you feel a lack of autonomy. We all need a little freedom and space to make our own decisions, even about the little things in everyday life.

It's totally normal to want more autonomy and choice!

☆ Be understood: It's totally normal to feel like your mom doesn't fully understand what you're going through. We all have different experiences and perspectives, and it's okay if she doesn't see your efforts and contributions as much as you'd like.

☆Emotional support: Your mom is a great support in your life, but you might also need some extra emotional support and understanding. It would be really nice if she could care more about your feelings.

☆Boundary setting: You may need to set some boundaries to protect your time and energy. This is not a lack of respect for her, but it's just so you have enough space to handle your own affairs.

☆Be recognized: You may want your mother to recognize your efforts and contributions, rather than just seeing your shortcomings and deficiencies.

I think you'll find these suggestions helpful in addressing these needs:

Communication is key! Find a time and place where you can both relax and have a good chat. Be honest with your mum and tell her how you feel. It's also important to try to understand her position.

It's best to avoid having conversations when you're feeling emotional.

It's so important to set boundaries and negotiate with your mother how to respect them. You can even discuss the specific arrangements for household chores and parenting education!

Expressing gratitude is a great way to start. Even though there might be some conflicts and grievances, it's important to thank her for her past efforts and sacrifices. This will help you build a positive emotional connection.

If you can, try to find a solution that is acceptable to both of you. You might be able to reach a consensus on the curtains or compromise on parenting ideas, for example.

If you're having trouble resolving these issues on your own, don't worry! You can always seek help from a psychologist. They'll be able to provide more professional guidance and support.

Everyone's emotions are an expression of their needs, and handling family relationships requires patience and understanding. It's so important to try to see things from the other person's perspective and find common solutions.

Take care of yourself! Love yourself more! You've got this!

I really hope my answer is helpful for you! I love you all so much, and I hope you have a wonderful day! ??

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, and I'm here to help! Life is a beautiful journey, and it's not about seeking appreciation, but about blooming and growing.

After listening to your story, I can totally see where you and your mom are coming from. As they say, "Words are not clear until they are spoken." You both have a lot bottled up inside, and it's time to take a look:

?1. I'd love to know where mom's grievance comes from.

Women understand women better, and they pay more attention to personal feelings than to "facts." I can see how your comment, "Don't ask for help," triggered your mother's emotional outburst. It's so easy to forget that what we say can hurt others, even if we don't mean to. I'm sure your mother was just reminded of all the times she had been wronged.

The ABC model of emotions is really interesting! It says that it's not the event itself, A, that makes us feel a certain way or causes a particular result, C. It's actually our interpretation of the event, B, that makes us feel the way we do and causes the result we see.

Event: You say something – A, which your mother interprets as "working hard for her children and ultimately not getting any thanks" – B, and you end up having a breakdown. This causes conflict and a rift between you and your mother – C.

?2. I'd love to know where your sense of grievance comes from.

It's so hard when you and your spouse argue and your mom criticizes you. It can feel like she's attacking you or trying to control you, which is really hurtful. It's so important to feel understood and meet your emotional needs, and it's clear that your mom isn't doing that for you.

So, you feel frustrated. You want your mum to give you a big hug and tell you how proud she is of you. But when you argue, she criticises you. She doesn't mean to, but it still makes you feel bad. You know she's only saying that to make you a better person, but it doesn't help when you're feeling down. You need your mum to be there for you, to tell you she loves you and that you're doing a great job.

3. Try to communicate more often to let love flow!

Mothers are human beings first and foremost, just like you and me. They're not superheroes, and they have their own worries and emotions. They have to deal with their own life lessons, just like we all do: their relationship with their partner, their relationship with their parents/children, work-life balance, etc.

If a certain issue is not resolved, such as her relationship with her father, as children we may feel unable to care for our father, and we may become emotional and lash out at you. I know it can be tough when things like this happen, but I'm here to help.

We've all been there! When things aren't going well at work, we come home and let our cats and kids take the brunt of it. We use them as "punches bags" because we don't know how to express our emotions. But here's the thing: letting them out and attacking others harms the relationship, while suppressing them hurts ourselves.

Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes, caring for each other, and understanding each other. It might help to separate behavior from identity and see the motivation of "love" behind the behavior.

You and your mom may put on a tough front, but deep down, you're both softhearted and love each other. It's just that when things get tough, your "intellectual" and "emotional" quotients aren't so high.

You're younger than your mom, you're educated, and you have a broad perspective. Making changes isn't about "giving in." It's about "seeing" how you interact with your mom so you can make changes within your abilities to meet her emotional needs.

The book "How Others Treat You Is What You Teach Them" suggests that relationships are formed based on patterns in the interactions between two people.

I really hope this is helpful for you. I love you, and so does the world!

If you'd like to keep chatting, you can follow my personal homepage, Heart Exploration Service.

Dear Sir/Madam,

From your description, I can relate to many of the details. This is probably a trivial matter that often arises when three generations live together and can have a significant impact on their mood. How do you navigate conflicts that arise from differing life philosophies?

Perhaps we can work together to find a solution.

The dispute over the curtains seems to reflect a fundamental issue in family life: the question of who is in charge of the household. It appears that you, your mother, and your husband all have a desire to be in charge, which may be the root of your disagreements.

If you would like to make your own decisions, you are welcome to do so in whatever way you see fit. If you would prefer to let your mother do the mending, there is no need to worry if she does it for just a day or two.

If your husband says he'll go to the laundry shop to get it repaired, it might be best to let him take care of it. As for whether it can be repaired there, that's something he'll need to decide.

To make life easier for yourself, it may be helpful to learn how to let go of the less important things. If you divide up the work and each take on your own responsibilities, it's possible that everyone will be happier.

This could be seen as the wisdom of life that allows you to tread carefully and delicately, like dancing on the edge of a pile of feathers.

It is important to have some clear boundaries in place to ensure harmony between three generations. This involves distinguishing between matters that are your own and your husband's business, and those that are your mother's business. If your mother crosses the boundaries between you and your husband, you can kindly remind her.

It would be helpful if the mother were to demonstrate a greater understanding of the situation. You could consider privately communicating with her to express your desire for her to respect the boundaries of your relationship with your husband. Similarly, you could kindly ask her not to pick up items you have discarded.

It is understandable that you might feel upset when you hear your mother express her frustration about being separated from your father and husband, particularly given her role in caring for your son. Many of us hope that our parents will love us unconditionally.

However, we can consider what our mother is saying from the perspective of an outsider to see if there is any truth to it. If there is, we can allow our mother to express her feelings and then offer her guidance in a way that is appropriate.

Ultimately, you will have the opportunity to raise your own children, especially before the age of three. From a psychological perspective, children who are raised by themselves may be more open to accepting your educational approach in the future, and the child may feel a closer connection to you.

In light of these considerations, it may be beneficial to dedicate more time to reflection, learning, and personal growth when raising our children. It's also important to recognize that we cannot always rely on our mothers for guidance.

Finally, it is important to express gratitude. Even though there may be some differences of opinion and grievances between you and your mother,

It is important to remember to be grateful to our parents for their sacrifices. Seeing your mother's dedication is a great way to help her feel that her efforts are worthwhile.

It is worth noting that when three generations live together, their living habits may differ slightly, which can make mutual tolerance particularly important. Additionally, taking a moment to reflect on the purpose of life can help us prioritize what truly matters.

Please note that the above is for reference only.

I hope this is helpful. Best regards!

From my perspective, I can sense the emotional challenges the questioner is facing. On the one hand, there is a long history of sacrifice on the part of the mother for the well-being of the questioner and her family. On the other hand, the mother's involvement in the questioner's family life has led to feelings of being constrained and uneasy, and the questioner's patience with her mother has reached its limit. In this complex situation, the questioner is not inclined to engage in conflict with her mother and wants to maintain a positive relationship. However, she also desires her mother's support in managing her personal challenges, which can be challenging to achieve.

As the saying goes, a bowl of rice feeds a benefactor, but ten bowls of rice feed an enemy. It means that when someone is hungry, giving them a bowl of rice makes them very grateful. However, if you give someone rice every day for ten days, they may not be as grateful as you would hope, and they may even start to pick and choose what they eat and complain. For the questioner's mother, the child is the questioner's, and she helps the questioner take care of the child because of the bond of being the questioner's daughter, not because of the money.

It seems that the reason she is willing to put aside her own family's affairs to help her daughter take care of the child is because she cares about her daughter and wants to help her daughter reduce her burden and live a better life. It's possible that the 2,000 yuan the questioner pays is not the primary motivation.

It is possible that the questioner and his wife feel that paying their mother 2,000 yuan a month is already very generous, and that they have already compensated their mother for her help with the children. Additionally, it seems that the differences in opinion between the mother and the questioner and his wife regarding family life and child-rearing may be a source of discomfort for the questioner, which could be contributing to his feelings of gratitude towards his mother.

When emotions and monetary transactions come together, the nature of the emotions is overshadowed by money and becomes a transaction. At this point, the power of emotions is almost negligible. Since it has become a transaction, the relationship between the two parties has changed. It is no longer a mother-daughter relationship, but rather a relationship between an employer and an employee.

It would be beneficial to consider that the relationship pattern has changed, and thus, the attitude and approach towards each other may need to evolve. For instance, the employer may not have as much respect for the servant, and the servant may not be able to offer constructive criticism or interfere with the employer's lifestyle.

It seems that the questioner's mother is both a mother and a maid in the questioner's family. It also appears that the questioner's husband and wife are both a daughter-in-law and son-in-law, as well as employers. It seems that the relationship between them is both intimate and distant, which could be perceived as contradictory. This mode of relationship may contribute to feelings of depression, conflict, and discomfort among the questioner's husband and wife and the questioner's mother. If the questioner is interested in addressing the immediate problem, it might be helpful to consider asking the questioner's mother to leave the family and return home to live. This could potentially alleviate some of the discomfort experienced by the questioner's husband and wife, while also providing the questioner's mother with a sense of relaxation and freedom. It would also allow for the preservation of some family affection between the mother and daughter.

If you wait until the love is gone, it's possible that a mother and daughter might turn against each other over trivial matters. I believe that's not the result the original poster and her mother would like to see. If there is a real need for help in the family, you might want to consider hiring a nanny.

The above are personal opinions, which I hope the questioner will find helpful to consider.

I understand the tension between you and your mother and the resulting stress. Disagreements are common in families, especially when sensitive topics like childcare, housework, and money are involved.

Communication is essential in this situation.

The issue of the curtains seems minor, but it has become a trigger for conflict between you. When dealing with such issues, you must respect each other's views and feelings.

You should explain your thoughts and needs more patiently while also listening to your mother's views. You can find a compromise solution, such as first finding a sewing shop to ask if the curtains can be sewn and, if not, then considering other options.

Your mother may have some emotional needs and expectations of her own that are inconsistent with your feelings. She may hope that you can completely rely on her and regard her as the core of the family.

However, it is normal for you to have your own thoughts and needs as an independent individual. In this case, you should communicate more openly with your mother to let her know your thoughts and feelings.

At the same time, you must respect her views and feelings and find a mutually acceptable balance.

Your mother tends to take your husband's side when you have a conflict. This is likely because she has expectations and concerns for you. She may believe you are doing things that are detrimental to family harmony, and is therefore trying to correct your behavior by helping your husband.

However, this behavior may make you feel misunderstood and attacked. In this case, you must express your needs and feelings more clearly to let her understand your position and point of view.

At the same time, respect her concerns and expectations. Find a solution that is acceptable to both of you.

Finally, you must communicate with your mother about her continuing to take care of the child. If you feel that her parenting style is significantly different from yours, you can discuss this with her. You should try to find a parenting style that is more suitable for both of you.

You must also consider her feelings and needs and find a balance that is acceptable to both of you. If her behavior has had a significant negative impact on your emotions and psychology, you should seek professional help to resolve the problem.

Dear Sir/Madam, I can appreciate the physical and mental exhaustion you are experiencing, as well as the conflicting emotions. I understand that working outside the home is very tiring. Despite your child being cared for by his mother, you still have a responsibility to ensure he receives an education. You also have to consider housework. In addition to this, you have to balance your relationship with your mother and your husband. You are grateful to your mother for taking care of you and your child, but you also have to deal with the conflicts that arise. You care about your husband, but sometimes you feel that he only gives advice and doesn't help with practical matters. I hope this helps to clarify the situation. Kind regards,

It is important to recognise that everyone faces challenges and that these can often be perceived as difficult. This may be a common experience. In many cases, we live with a high level of anxiety and need to calm down and identify the underlying issues, our own needs and the necessary actions. Let us examine this in more detail:

1. I have read too much information from your description, so please select some to discuss.

1. "I anticipated that the sewing would be completed promptly. However, my mother indicated that the curtain could not be sewn immediately."

As the individual responsible for addressing the broken curtains in your residence, you may be inclined to believe that if you do not prioritize this task, your spouse will not be concerned about it.

You anticipate that your mother will complete the sewing process expeditiously. However, when she indicates that this is not feasible, you question her commitment to the task and perceive her avoidance of it.

2. I informed my husband that we would produce a new set of curtains and utilize the existing ones in the interim. Once the new set was ready, we would address the repairs to the old set.

A matter of this level, such as replacing a new curtain, requires discussion with your husband. If your husband is unwilling, you will likely consider his opinion.

The subsequent paragraph addresses a minor disagreement regarding the optimal location for mending.

"I was quite upset and stated, 'How can you be certain you cannot sew in a sewing shop if you have not tried?' Your subconscious mind is prompting your mother to take it to the sewing shop, and you believe it is her responsibility to do so."

I informed my husband that if he had the time, he should complete the task himself. I did not have the time to do so myself and was unable to persuade anyone else to take on the responsibility. In the past, in your family, you were required to inform your husband about many things. He would then offer his opinion, but rarely take action himself.

Your message to your mother, "I can't get anyone to listen," indicates dissatisfaction with her. You believe she should have taken the initiative and informed you that you took it to the sewing shop.

"Then my mother began to weep, stating that she had endured humiliation from receiving compensation from me." Despite the trivial nature of the incident, my mother exhibited a profound emotional response. As with you, she had been accumulating significant emotional distress over an extended period. Her statements, made under the influence of such intense emotion, reflected her genuine beliefs. The crucial issue is that she perceived a lack of respect from you, as though she were not your biological mother but a mere caretaker. She even experienced a sense of humiliation comparable to that of a nanny.

4. With regard to the description of providing your mother with 2,000 yuan:

While you are aware that financial resources are limited, this is a direct result of the conflict with your husband. You have indicated that you are highly considerate and supportive of your mother. The use of the term "fight" with your husband suggests a deeper underlying issue. It seems that your husband believes that his mother-in-law should be more involved in childcare responsibilities. It is possible that you have been unable to convince your husband in a reasonable manner, and resorting to a combative approach may be your last resort to demonstrate your determination.

5. "Even if she is unable to assist with childcare, will her relationship with my father remain positive? Will she be able to provide long-term care for my grandfather?"

In essence, the underlying issue is that you are not assisting your mother with childcare, which is a source of frustration for her. If this is a matter that your mother cares about, would it be more detrimental to her if you were to help with childcare? What steps can you take to assist your mother?

6. "Because she holds a grudge against me, I can feel that she often attacks me, intentionally or unintentionally."

Has your mother ever held a grudge against you or attacked you frequently? Have you ever considered the possibility that feelings of resentment are mutual and aggression only occurs when emotions have accumulated to a certain level?

Furthermore, I am questioning whether these feelings are my own delusions, given that I initially suspected you felt this way and therefore assumed you felt this way.

7. "I believe there are fundamental differences in our views on child-rearing. When she is unable to attribute blame to me, she redirects her frustration by supporting my husband's arguments that I am in the wrong.

Mothers and daughters represent two distinct generations, and their perspectives on child-rearing naturally diverge. When there is a discrepancy in these perspectives, it can lead to a perception of forcefulness, which may evoke a sense of frustration in the other party. In this case, the mother may feel that her actions are aligned with what she believes to be the best interests of the child, yet the daughter's response is perceived as dismissive.

Furthermore, you perceive your mother's grievances as resentment.

8. "I recognize that I have a tendency to take my mother's support for granted. She has been a dedicated caretaker since I became pregnant, and she has also been a devoted caregiver for my son. However, after a significant period of time, I am experiencing a sense of gratitude fatigue."

Your discomfort is a direct reflection of an internal conflict. While you are aware that your mother has provided significant assistance and has made commendable efforts to support you, subconsciously, you have developed a range of sentiments and assumptions over time. These include perceptions of resentment, control, and stubbornness regarding child rearing and garbage disposal.

2. Let's address the underlying issue.

1. Is it the mother's responsibility to help with childcare? You and your husband have a subconscious perception that it is.

It is important to note that mothers are not obliged to help with childcare. Their primary responsibility is to raise their children.

2. Given that I provide financial support to my mother, should she be expected to assist with domestic tasks? You and your husband have a similar subconscious assumption.

3. Please describe the division of labor within your household. At what levels of decision-making should matters be discussed and decided together, and at what levels can each of you decide on your own? This issue has not been agreed upon, and no rules have been formed. When there are no clear rules, there will be conflicts between individual perceptions and actual actions.

4. How do you view disagreements in family relationships, and how can you deal with them more effectively? It is possible that you have not yet considered this issue in sufficient depth to propose a solution. When a disagreement arises, you either accept it or attempt to resolve it through argument and conflict. You may never engage in a discussion with the aim of reaching a mutually acceptable solution that can guide you through future disagreements.

5. I have encountered the assertion that "a harmonious home brings success in everything." This appears to be a valid premise, but I have not previously considered the specific ways in which a harmonious home contributes to success, the factors that contribute to disharmony, or the means of achieving a harmonious home.

In summary, I would like to evaluate whether my expectations of my family are reasonable. I would also like to assess my level of awareness when dealing with family relationships. Finally, I would like to determine whether I have found a methodology for getting along with family members.

3. Some observations and suggestions: a. Re-examine the fundamental assumptions that underpin the current situation. b. Articulate the desired state for the family. c. Identify strategies for fostering mutual understanding and cooperation.

1. The fundamental issue in my relationship with my mother is that she is not obliged to provide childcare support, and I am obliged to demonstrate filial piety and provide financial assistance to my parents. These two responsibilities are not interlinked. My mother has provided childcare support for many years, and I should be grateful for her assistance.

Providing financial assistance to my mother is an expression of my gratitude, not a transaction. If it were a transaction, the amount of money would not be sufficient, and it is not possible to purchase this level of trust with additional funds. It is not easy for my mother to manage my life, and she should not be responsible for all domestic tasks. We should be grateful to be able to contribute to the household in some way.

My husband and I are responsible for our children's education, and naturally, my mother's educational philosophy differs from mine. It is essential that we identify ways to collaborate effectively despite these differences. Additionally, my mother's habits and lifestyle are starkly divergent from ours, necessitating a discernment between which aspects we can align on and which we must accept as incompatible.

2. The foundation of the relationship with my husband: In the family, both parties are equal and must contribute to the family. The amount of income is not a factor in this regard. There is a division of labor and collaboration in various family matters and children's education. Each person is empowered to make decisions on what type and level of matters, and what needs to be negotiated.

It is important to note that conflict is a normal part of the family dynamic. While it may manifest as disagreements, it is essential to distinguish this from arguments. To effectively navigate conflict, it is crucial to address it directly, identify areas of disagreement, express your opinions, and then communicate in a constructive manner. Communication is a vital aspect of the family unit. It involves listening to the other person, articulating your perspective, and reaching a mutual understanding through negotiation to bridge differences. A calm and peaceful atmosphere is conducive to successful conflict resolution.

The aforementioned principles of division of labor, rules, conflicts, and communication also apply to the relationship with my mother.

3. How can children do well? In child education, the child is the main body and the family is the environment. Without a good environment, the seeds cannot sprout, and even if they do, they may grow crooked. The correct concept of child education is the child's independence. Independence means helping the child to be independent in all aspects of his or her life, not just focusing on school, grades, and rankings. Once the direction of education is clear, the family can work together to develop a learning plan for the child, and implement it according to the agreed plan. The mother is only there to take care of the child, collect information, and give feedback to you. You and your husband are the main responsible persons for your child's education.

4. The questioner is the link in the family. You are the link between the various roles in the family, and everyone else is connected around you. Your mood directly affects everyone, and therefore the entire family environment. It is therefore important to cultivate yourself, your understanding, and find ways to become the mood setter, rule initiator, and organizer in your family.

It is challenging for an impartial third party to assess family-related issues. It is therefore essential that family members resolve these matters independently. I hope this has been informative for you.

Best regards,

Dealing with conflicts and contradictions with your mother requires patience and wisdom. The following suggestions may help you ease the tension:

1. **Take a moment to compose yourselves.** It is important to allow time for each party to calm down and avoid acting on impulse, which may result in regret.

2. Self-reflection: Attempt to view the situation from your mother's perspective and comprehend her sentiments and stance. Concurrently, assess your own statements and actions to identify potential areas for enhancement.

3. **Effective communication**: Identify an appropriate time to engage in a candid discussion with your mother. Articulate your sentiments and actively listen to her perspectives and requirements.

4. Express gratitude: Despite the conflicts and disagreements, do not overlook the opportunity to express your gratitude to your mother for her care of you and your children over the years.

5. Set boundaries: Establish clear parameters for your respective roles and responsibilities.

6. Seek assistance from family, friends, or professionals if you feel overwhelmed.

7. **Solve problems together**: Discuss and resolve the issue of the curtains with your mother, as well as other minor issues that may cause conflict.

8. **Harmonize parenting concepts**: Attempt to reach a consensus with your mother on parenting issues, or respect each other's differing opinions and share responsibility for your child's growth.

9. Respect each other: In all circumstances, treat each other with respect and avoid using hurtful language.

10. Personal Growth: Use this conflict as an opportunity to enhance your personal development and learn how to more effectively navigate family relationships.

11. Time Management: Collaborate with your mother to create a fair and effective household division of labor and time management plan to reduce stress in daily life.

12. Mental Health: Should you experience difficulty in controlling your emotions, we advise you to seek the assistance of a mental health professional.

It is important to remember that family relationships are complex and require time and effort to maintain and improve. Through active communication and mutual understanding, conflicts can be resolved step by step, leading to the establishment of more harmonious family relationships.

Hello, questioner. Thanks for asking and sharing. This helps us think and respond.

I understand how hard it is to argue with your mother, especially about parenting and chores.

You need understanding, support, and comfort. This difficult situation is temporary. Through communication and understanding, your relationship will be repaired.

You want your mother to understand and support you, but she often criticizes you.

This makes you feel very frustrated.

You are grateful to your mother for helping with the children. You know she has sacrificed a lot and is doing her best.

However, it seems that the tension between you is increasing. You feel uncomfortable when your mother criticizes your decisions and actions, is that right?

First, give yourself a hug. You're going through a tough time. It's normal to feel tired and helpless because of your mother's arguments and conflicts.

You are not alone. Many people have faced similar family conflicts. We will always be here to support and advise you.

In arguments with your mother, you may feel misunderstood and attacked. Try to look at the issue from another perspective.

Your mother may just be expressing her love for you in her own way. She may not mean to hurt you, but she wants you to do better.

Her way isn't right, but she loves you.

Be patient and calm when dealing with your mother. Avoid making impulsive decisions or saying hurtful things when you are emotional.

Take some time to calm down and think about what happened. When you're both calm, you'll be able to resolve the conflict.

Second, I admire your courage and honesty. You're open with your mother about your problems, which shows you want to resolve them.

You are a responsible mother and daughter with self-awareness and a willingness to grow. This courage and openness are invaluable when facing family disputes and emotional stress.

Arguments between mothers and daughters are common. This doesn't mean you don't love your mother or that she doesn't love you.

You care about each other, so there are some communication and understanding problems. You know this, and you're looking for ways to fix it. That's a good thing.

I have a suggestion on how to resolve this minor conflict between you and your mother.

Take a deep breath and think.

After an argument, take some time to calm down. Think about whether your behavior was excessive or inappropriate.

Think about what happened and what your mother wants. This helps you understand the problem and prepare for the next conversation.

Talk and listen.

Choose a good time to talk with your mother. Stay calm and speak honestly.

Listen to your mother and respect her opinions. Effective communication helps you understand each other and find the crux of the problem.

Find a solution you can both agree on.

In communication, find a solution that is acceptable to both parties. This may require compromise from both sides.

Harmony in family relationships is more important than arguing.

Set boundaries and be independent.

Your mother is important to you, but you also need your own space. Talk to her about what you can decide on your own.

Take care of yourself during this process. Give yourself time and space to deal with your emotions and stress.

Do things that make you happy and relaxed, like going for a walk, listening to music, or hanging out with friends. Staying positive will help you deal with conflicts and arguments with your mother.

Every family has conflicts, but you can find a solution and rebuild your relationship with your mother. You are not alone; we will support you.

We hope you can get out of this situation soon and rebuild a close relationship with your mother. You are worthy of love and respect.

Good luck! I love you!

Hello, questioner.

You have come here seeking guidance because you had a disagreement with your mother today. I can sense the anger, frustration, and helplessness inside you.

The relationship between a mother and daughter is indeed a complex and delicate one, involving many different aspects such as love, respect, understanding, and communication. From what you have described, it seems that the conflicts between you and your mother mainly stem from differences in perspective, differences in parenting concepts, and a lack of understanding of each other's actions.

From a psychological perspective, it is possible that a phenomenon known as "projection" may be occurring between mother and daughter. This can occur when we unintentionally project our own expectations, fears, or anxieties onto the other person, which can lead to a misunderstanding of their actions.

For instance, you may feel that your mother is controlling you, but in reality she may simply be concerned about you, even if her approach makes you feel uncomfortable. Similarly, your mother may also misunderstand what you mean and think that you are not grateful to her.

Secondly, it is possible that differing life experiences and values may contribute to a certain degree of conflict between mother and daughter. Given that you and your mother grew up in different times and environments, and that you have different educations and experiences, it is perhaps understandable that you may have differing views on certain issues.

For instance, there may be a difference of opinion when it comes to parenting ideas. You may have a preference for scientific parenting, while your mother may have a different approach based on her own experience.

Specifically, your conflict can be understood in the following ways:

Communication style: You may sometimes come across as a bit too direct or assertive when expressing your thoughts, which could potentially lead to your mother feeling a bit ignored or disrespected.

At the same time, the mother may also express her views in a way that is perceived as emotionally charged or accusatory, which can also contribute to the escalation of conflicts.

It is not uncommon for expectations to differ between mother and daughter. You may expect your mother to understand your thoughts and actions, while she may expect you to listen to her advice. When expectations are not met, disappointment and dissatisfaction can result.

It is important to be mindful of your emotions when conflicts arise. It can be challenging to think calmly when we are emotionally affected.

It would be beneficial at this time to learn to control your emotions and avoid emotional words and actions.

To enhance the bond between mother and daughter, you might consider the following approaches:

It is important to respect each other. It is also important to respect your mother's experiences and opinions, and to express your own opinions in a way that is not aggressive.

It might be helpful to try communicating in a calm and honest manner.

It might be helpful to try to find activities or topics that you and your mother are both interested in and participate in them together.

This may help to improve mutual understanding and feelings.

It would be beneficial to show your concern and support for your mother. Demonstrating your gratitude for all she does for you would also be a kind gesture.

It would also be beneficial to offer her your support when she needs help.

It might be helpful to seek assistance from a third party. If the two parties are unable to resolve the conflict on their own, they may wish to consider seeking the help of a professional counselor or family therapist.

They may be able to provide more specific advice and guidance.

A mother-daughter bond is based on love, respect, and understanding. If both parties are willing to make an effort to communicate and improve their relationship, they will be able to resolve conflicts and build a more harmonious relationship.

Hello, question asker.

Your mother helped you raise your children, and you experienced a range of minor conflicts. You came to realize that this way of life was intolerable.

It's clear you have some issues with each other. Your feelings towards your mother are complex, and you're dealing with anger, resentment, grievances, sadness, and disappointment. It's likely your mother feels similarly.

We must understand a basic reality: when the elderly help with childcare, they will almost always encounter these problems and will always have more or less conflicts. This is a universal social problem, not just a family problem.

Why?

It is rare for parents and us, and our children, to have completely compatible mindsets and lifestyles in terms of the mindset of each generation. This is not just a problem for parents, but also for people in general, and for both individuals.

No two leaves in the world are the same, and no two people can be without fault. Our parents' generation lived through a completely different life background and situation from ours, so we simply cannot empathize with each other.

For example, it is simply beyond our comprehension why things thrown in the trash should be rummaged through, or why we are always urged to take a bath.

But if it's a child rummaging through the trash or a partner urging you to take a bath, you wouldn't get so worked up, would you?

This kind of annoyance we feel is not just about this incident. It's about a kind of identity that has long been oppressing us, from when we were little to the present. We are now independent and don't want to be subjected to even a little of this kind of oppression.

You can and should make decisions about all the little things in life without being "taught."

This way of getting along has been formed over time and cannot be changed instantly.

If you want to change, you have to change yourself, not the other person.

Change your mindset, accept the situation, and understand the behavior.

Tell me, how did you feel when you heard your mother say that she would no longer be able to look after you? Were you relieved or sad?

Think about whether you need your mother more at the moment, or whether she needs you more.

Tell me, what are your expectations of your mother? Is it to do everything according to her heart while being responsible?

You need to find out what your mother's needs are.

We must find a balance between each other's needs.

The bond between family members requires more time and effort to maintain than we often assume.

I am confident that the above will be helpful. Best regards!