What if my anger migrates to other things?

Hello, host. I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to send a quick note to let you know that I'm smiling.

After reading your description, I believe I have a better understanding of the question you want to ask. In this regard, I also extend my support and encouragement in the four-dimensional space.

From the issues you've outlined, it seems that you're currently facing a situation that's causing you distress. It's also worth noting that it's the present you who's experiencing this emotion, which can make it challenging to navigate the present. You've expressed a desire to learn how to release your anger in a more constructive manner.

It seems that the host has recognized his anger and used relevant facts to justify the transfer of his anger. This is also commonly known in psychology as the scapegoat effect. You mentioned that you had some problems with the driver because of the positioning problem, but it seems that the driver's positioning problem was indeed the root cause. Therefore, it is also a very normal thing for you to explain it. In addition, because your previous problem has not been solved, it is understandable that you will continue to feel the emotions of the previous incident when explaining this matter to the driver. After all, it is difficult to get out of this mood in the short term.

In this regard, I have also summarized some methods that I hope you will find helpful in alleviating the current situation.

(1) When anger arises, it may be helpful to accept it gradually rather than resisting it, as excessive fighting can lead to negative feelings.

(2) It may be helpful to remember that anger can be resolved. One way to do this is to talk to a good friend and say what you want to say to further release your anger.

If it is convenient for you, you might consider reading "Nonviolent Communication," which could be helpful in understanding your emotions.

(4) You might consider trying to distract yourself by doing something you enjoy, rather than dwelling on negative feelings for too long.

(5) If potential anger is not released, it may cause harm to oneself. Therefore, it may be helpful to explore additional ways to release emotions, such as keeping a diary, listening to music, exercising, etc., which can provide some degree of emotional release.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

Hello, Jia Ao.

I saw your confessions and worries on the platform. Are you confused about emotional control? You said that you encountered something in the workplace that made you very angry. It wasn't your responsibility, but you were asked to do it every time. You were very annoyed, and then you took a taxi with this mood and vented your negative emotions on the Didi driver. You want to know how to regulate your negative psychology?

Dealing with problems when you're in a bad mood makes you more impatient. It's normal to feel this way. Everyone has a different temperament.

Anger can be transferred to other things. What should I do?

Let me help you analyze and sort out your problem.

1. Distract yourself.

Everyone gets angry or upset. It's not good to let your emotions get the better of you at work. Try to distract yourself, think about happy things, and then solve the problem without getting emotional.

Ways to distract yourself: listen to music, sing, think about other things, or go to the bathroom and wash your face. When you have some free time at home, go out for a walk. These tips may also help you calm down. Do more aerobic exercise, run, move around, sweat, take a shower, and get a good rest. Your mood should improve. You can also find ways to relax on your own.

2. Accept your emotions.

It's okay to be angry. It's also okay to lose your temper. Just don't overdo it. Accept your emotions. Get angry when you should, and lose your temper when you should. Vent when you need to, but don't let it get out of control.

3. Showing empathy.

Avoid negative emotions by looking at problems from a different perspective. Stand in others' shoes to understand and be tolerant. Don't worry about things that don't matter. Relax, stay calm, and think positively. You'll learn to control your anger and stay positive.

I hope this helps. I love you!

Dear,

Anger is normal. It's just that our bodies react to it in different ways. We need to identify, understand, and resolve anger because if we don't, it can harm our bodies.

When you're angry, it's important to recognize it and face it.

We can only deal with anger by recognizing it and facing it. This allows us to focus on it and deal with it effectively. It's like aiming at a target and hitting it with one shot.

After you decide on a target, create a temporary void to dilute or transform the energy of anger. Anger is also energy, and it grows stronger when you don't let it out. Our void is like a pause in music or a command to stand at ease.

This means changing your mood through deep breathing or association so you can look at yourself in anger as an outsider.

Our rational brain usually restarts after a temporary blank. The subsequent steps are handled according to the source of the anger. Handling things must be tailored to local conditions. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.

The anger transference happens when we can't face or resolve the source of anger. The energy conflict happens when we can't resolve the power of anger. A similar situation is the online segment "Kicking the Cat to Death."

To avoid this, you need to release the negative energy generated by anger. There are many ways to do this, but it's important to guide yourself. You can vent it through empathy in books, compete with physical projects, or direct it towards nature. Resenting others is another way, but it's not as good.

Hello! I am the place of peace of mind!

A senior colleague asked you to pour water for a customer, but you were reluctant to do so and felt unable to refuse. You were unable to express your anger and had to suppress it. Then, in your communication with the taxi driver, something unexpected happened, and it seems as if your anger was about to explode!

I'm excited to hear how you felt when you wrote this and came to the platform for help. I'm also interested in how it's different from your previous feelings.

I'd love to know more about your relationship with this senior colleague at work! How does he treat you?

I'd love to know how you feel about him!

He asks you to get him water every time, and you are angry, but you don't show it in front of him! Why is that?

Or are you embarrassed? Or afraid?

Dare to be angry but dare not speak? Or is it that the actions of the senior colleague make you feel ordered around, belittled, and lose your self-respect?

If it is fear, what are you afraid of? It's an excellent question! Are you afraid of the person, or the authority figure they represent in your eyes?

Have you ever felt this way? It's totally normal! We all feel this way sometimes. For example, when you were a child, did you ever feel this way when facing your parents?

Or have you ever felt the same way when getting along with classmates and teachers at school, or with colleagues and leaders at work? If so, it's totally normal to feel a sense of powerlessness and frustration in the face of authority, a sense of helplessness.

We would say that anger often stems from an unfulfilled desire within us. If this sense of powerlessness and anger has been with you throughout your life, you can absolutely change that! Try to calm your mind, put aside all that troubles you for the time being, face your true self, and explore your unfulfilled desires.

It's possible that the behavior of the senior made you feel like you were being arbitrarily dominated, belittled, denied, or even humiliated. But guess what? You can change that! You can crave equality, respect, and affirmation. You can fulfill those expectations. You can heal those wounds from your childhood. You can become the best version of yourself.

When you were still immersed in the anger of the water-pouring incident, Didi Taxi made a positioning error, and you transferred your anger to the Didi driver.

When we shift our emotions and let them go, it can relieve our mental burden and slowly soothe our hearts. I really hope you feel this way!

Why did you transfer your anger to the delivery person? Perhaps you would say it is because he made a wrong move and caused me trouble. Is it abnormal for me to be angry? Absolutely not!

It's undeniable that this factor will have an impact. But just imagine for a second that the annoying spilling incident didn't happen that day and you were in a peaceful mood. What would your reaction be? You can think about the story of the "kicking the cat effect" to get a feel for it.

In your description, you mentioned "hate very much." I'd love to know what you hate! Is it the Dripping Master?

Or is it something else?

If it's self-hatred, what's the root cause? Is it a lack of confidence in your ability to say no to others, or a feeling of inadequacy?

Or do you hate yourself for transferring your anger to Didi? Let's change that!

No matter what you hate, it might have something to do with a lack of self-identity. The good news is that you can change it! When you are willing to step out of your fixed thinking, see your own value, enhance your self-confidence, and strengthen your inner self, you will feel that you have the strength, wisdom, and ability to express yourself and accept yourself.

Good morning, I'm Teng Ying, a psychological counselor. I understand that you were upset with your superior at work and that you expressed your frustration with the Didi driver. You seemed impatient, irritable, and resentful.

I can sense that these emotions are not only directed at others, but also at yourself. Therefore, I will start by offering you a hug to help lift your mood.

How to Manage Anger in a Professional Context Anger can have a detrimental effect on interpersonal relationships, particularly when it is directed at others. It is therefore important to understand how to deal with anger in a professional context. There are a number of ways to approach this issue. Firstly,

It is not uncommon to find ourselves in situations where we are unable to control our emotions and become angry.

In psychology, there is a term called the "kicking the cat effect." There is a story about this term that illustrates how a boss, after arguing with his wife, vents his anger on his supervisor as soon as he arrives at the office.

The supervisor was inexplicably reprimanded and verbally abusive towards the secretary. The secretary was understandably upset and went home after work to deal with her own frustrations.

The child was in a negative emotional state, and as it happened, the family cat came over, so the child kicked the cat.

The "kicking the cat effect" refers to a situation in which an individual is unable to regulate their emotions when confronted with a negative event and instead directs their frustration towards others, often those who are more vulnerable.

Negative emotions can spread rapidly, affecting an increasing number of individuals.

Each of us may be a link in the chain of the "kick the cat" effect. It is challenging to control negative emotions, so we are both susceptible to them and capable of transmitting them to others.

I am curious to know your thoughts on this matter. Can you accept that you sometimes display anger towards others?

How to address anger in the workplace

It is important to note that expressing negative emotions towards others is not a solution to the problem at hand nor will it improve one's mood. If we can learn to control our emotions and release negative emotions in a constructive manner, we can break free from the cycle of negative emotions and become more in control of our mental state.

When faced with anger, it is important to disassociate from the emotion and take a step back to assess the situation. Engaging in a dialogue with your inner self can be beneficial in this process. Ask yourself three key questions to gain clarity and understanding.

The initial inquiry is, "Why?"

The initial inquiry is, "Why?"

It is not uncommon for individuals to be unaware of the underlying causes of their anger. To gain a deeper understanding, it is essential to look beyond the immediate triggers and identify the real issues at hand. To illustrate, consider a scenario where a senior colleague at work requests assistance with pouring water for a client. In such a situation, it is crucial to determine whether the root cause of the anger is the act of pouring water or something else.

What is the significance of the act of pouring water in this context? Identifying the source of anger can help you gain insight into your own motivations and reduce your emotional intensity.

Secondly, one must consider whether the action in question is worth the potential consequences.

Secondly, it is important to consider whether the action in question is worth the potential consequences.

There is an old Chinese proverb that anger is detrimental to one's health. From the perspective of traditional Chinese medicine, all negative emotions are harmful to health and can even trigger many diseases.

Once the source of your anger has been identified, it may be helpful to assess whether your thoughts have changed. It is possible that some of the factors that initially caused you frustration may no longer be relevant, that others are not directed at you, or that some are outside of your control.

Once a new mindset is adopted, it becomes possible to think in a more rational manner. From this perspective, it becomes clear that anger is not a productive emotion when attempting to solve problems. It is more beneficial to identify a way out of the situation than to remain trapped within it.

Thirdly, we must consider whether there is a more effective approach.

Emotions are a natural human reaction, but they do not address the root cause of a problem. In most cases, they actually make the problem more complex. As long as the problem persists, it is not possible to stop the anger. The only way to resolve the issue is to address it directly.

In some cases, the solution to a problem requires direct confrontation, whereas in other instances, it may necessitate a period of reflection and analysis. In some situations, it may be beneficial to transform grief into resilience, while in others, it may be more productive to accept the inherent imperfections of individuals and circumstances. The optimal approach often depends on the individual and the specific circumstances involved.

Should you require assistance, you may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a listening therapist or counselor, or alternatively, a trusted friend.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Good day!

As a mindfulness coach, I believe that learning is a valuable process that can enrich our lives.

From your description, I can sense a certain restlessness, impatience, pain, and a sense of helplessness.

I understand your concerns about your anger potentially being directed towards others. I would like to offer three suggestions for your consideration:

If I may make a suggestion, it would be to try to understand and accept your state of mind.

I believe that doing so may help to make your heart feel slightly lighter, which could then help you to think about what to do next.

You mentioned that you are frustrated by having to do something you don't want to do in the workplace. It's understandable that you might feel this way, as many people do when they have to do something they don't want to do. It's also understandable that you might transfer these negative emotions to other things, as people often try to avoid harm and seek gain. This can even lead to feelings of hatred. It's likely that you feel dissatisfied with yourself for doing this, even though you realize it is wrong. This is something many people experience, so it's important to try to understand and accept yourself. This will give you the mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will always be surrounded by all kinds of negative emotions.

It is also important to note that allowing yourself to understand and accept yourself will make it possible to promote change in the status quo. While this may seem contradictory, it is nonetheless true that change is based on allowing for no change.

If I might make a further suggestion, it would be to consider viewing your own state from a rational perspective.

It may be helpful to consider that rational thinking can assist in developing a deeper understanding of oneself and of reality.

From a rational perspective, it is important to recognize that the status quo can be altered because you have the capacity to change.

If you choose to take the initiative and address the issue, you may find that your negative emotions are somewhat resolved. Additionally, you may gain valuable insight into the problem, which could be a crucial first step in initiating change.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to focus on yourself and consider what you can do to feel better.

When you take the time to think things through and assess your situation, you may also be able to identify a solution. At this point, you can focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, if your leader requests a task you are reluctant to undertake, it may be beneficial to communicate with them openly and honestly about your reservations. This process can help you learn to set boundaries and become more resilient. It may also encourage your leader to provide explanations and improve your overall mood. Additionally, your leader may become more mindful of your preferences and avoid requesting tasks you are not comfortable with, which can further enhance your well-being. When communicating with your leader, it is essential to maintain sincerity, composure, and emotional neutrality to ensure they fully comprehend your perspective and are open to making necessary adjustments.

If you feel unable to communicate with your leader about certain issues and you find yourself getting angry as a result, it might be helpful to stop and ask yourself why. Is it because you feel your leader doesn't value you, or because you feel you lack the confidence to speak up, or for some other reason? Once you've identified the underlying cause of your anger, you may find your mood improves, as you gain a deeper understanding of your feelings. At the same time, you may also find it helpful to explore different coping strategies. For instance, if you're struggling to communicate with your leader, you could consider giving yourself some time to build up the courage and confidence to speak up. If your concerns remain unaddressed, you might want to consider whether it would be beneficial to discuss your situation with your line manager or even consider looking for a new role. After exploring these options, you may find your mood improves.

If you recognize that your negative emotions have taken over, you may also pause and consider taking responsibility for yourself. This could involve reflecting on the potential consequences of allowing anger to take over, such as becoming more angry and affecting your relationships with others. After doing so, you may find that your anger dissipates and your mood improves.

You might also find it helpful to read some books on controlling emotions, such as "Rational Emotions" and "Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy." These books may also teach you to control your emotions and relieve your inner stress. In short, it's important to remember that you have the power to make a positive change.

When you take action, you may find that negative emotions in your heart are gradually resolved. Sometimes, taking action can be an effective way to address these emotions.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, you are welcome to click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I would be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello, question owner!

Your unit could really use a senior colleague to pour water for customers. You weren't responsible for this before, but since you poured water once, you've been asked to do it afterwards. It's a bit unfair, isn't it?

However, you're not quite ready to express this dissatisfaction to other colleagues, nor do you feel comfortable politely refusing every time. Not daring to express and politely refuse, you feel on the one hand that pouring water is not a big deal, and that if you say anything, you may worry that your colleagues and leaders will think badly of you.

But every time you do this, it makes your anger build up even more, which is totally understandable!

On the day you experienced the spilling of the water, the online car-hailing driver you called also contacted you. It was obvious that the system had made a positioning error, but the driver still told you to wait at the location on the positioning. During the process of explaining to the driver, "I was still feeling pretty angry about the previous incident, and this one made me even angrier and more impatient and irritable. I was really frustrated."

You felt like you weren't the cause of the problem, but you still had to explain yourself. It's totally understandable! Your sense of injustice combined with the spilling incident filled you with anger and made you seethe with rage.

Your logical mind knows that this emotional state isn't helpful and isn't appropriate. You really want to change this state! You might also have a worry inside that one day you may lose control and suddenly vent your anger and dissatisfaction, which could have a negative impact on you.

It's totally understandable to feel angry about the spilling incident. You can try to chat with your colleagues to see if you can take turns being on duty, with each person responsible for dealing with customer spillage on that day. If you're always the one responsible, it might get in the way of your work a bit, which we totally get. You can try to chat with your colleagues first.

You're doing great! Your ability to perceive emotions is still quite good. When you communicated with the Didi driver, you were clearly aware that the anger you felt came from the spilling incident, which didn't really fit the situation. After the spilling incident was resolved, your anger may have eased somewhat.

The next time you feel yourself getting upset, take a deep breath and count to 10. Then, when you're feeling calm again, you can talk to the other person in a way that's not hurtful because you're not angry.

The anger and dissatisfaction triggered by the water-pouring incident may be a small microcosm. Emotions sometimes come to tell us something. When you encounter unfair treatment, when a colleague "deliberately" makes you pour water and you are not respected, the appearance of anger may be a reminder to you to establish clear boundaries, and sometimes you need to refuse appropriately. It's okay to feel angry!

At work, others may not realize who's been doing more work, and they might think you're always the one who does the water pouring. You might not have said anything, but they might have assumed you agreed to do it. You could suggest to your colleagues that you divide the work and each take responsibility for pouring water at a set time. This might lead to some interpersonal conflicts, but don't be afraid. The workplace is a place where things are discussed on their merits.

It can be really helpful to keep a diary where you can write down specific incidents, your feelings and actions at the time, your emotions in retrospect, and your actions the next time you encounter a similar situation. This can also be a great way to express your anger. I hope this helps!

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing right now.

What you are experiencing is an emotional issue. Please accept my condolences.

Your situation is not uncommon.

In a professional setting, it is standard practice for a more senior colleague to provide a customer with a beverage. However, since you have only been asked to provide this service on one occasion, you have been expected to continue doing so.

As a result, you were upset.

It is understandable that you became angry, as pouring water is not within the scope of your responsibilities.

Subsequently, the Didi driver contacted you again to inform you that he was unable to locate the specified location. This resulted in a notable increase in your level of frustration and anger.

It can be reasonably assumed that the Didi driver's inability to locate the destination served as a significant emotional trigger.

As was the case with me on that day, there may have been an issue at work.

Then, there may have been another unrelated incident, which served as the final catalyst for my emotional outburst.

To prevent this from occurring, it is essential to learn how to regularly eliminate negative emotions.

I typically channel my negative emotions through sports.

However, other methods may be employed, such as calligraphy or painting.

I believe that seeking the assistance of a professional counselor would be beneficial in this case.

The consultant is better equipped to adopt a third-party perspective, maintain a non-judgmental outlook, and adopt an objective attitude, thereby providing more pertinent, useful, and constructive advice to the client.

I hope that the issue you are currently experiencing can be resolved as soon as possible.

I have no further suggestions at this time.

I hope my above response is both helpful and inspiring. I am the respondent, and I study diligently every day.

Best regards, Yixinli

After reading your question, I can relate to how you feel. I have read the responses from the teachers and found them beneficial. I will share a brief insight.

The anger may be a result of the repeated requests from one's ancestors to fetch water. It could be attributed to a lack of respect, shyness, or a reluctance to decline, disruption to one's personal rhythm, manipulation, or other factors.

It is beneficial to experience negative emotions, as they serve as a reminder that we have previously encountered similar emotions that were not adequately addressed. This event has triggered this emotion, and it is essential to acknowledge it.

It is inadvisable to hastily conclude whether a given situation is morally right or wrong. Instead, one should endeavor to find a tranquil setting, take a deep breath, calm oneself, feel the emotion, allow it to flow through the body, and then discern what the emotion is trying to communicate and what one's own thoughts on the matter may be. One should then engage in a slow, deliberate dialogue with oneself to ascertain the underlying meaning of the negative emotion.

The act of waiting at the designated place for the Didi driver evokes a sense of anger. If one were not called upon by their ancestors to fetch water, would this same situation elicit a similar emotional response?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the level of anger is consistent with that which was previously experienced. Additionally, it would be advantageous to determine whether this anger is a continuation of a previous emotional state or a novel emotional response.

The preceding statements are to be considered as a whole.

Can you discern these feelings? Are you frustrated by the perception of being manipulated and ordered around? Do you experience sadness at the notion of being insignificant and unimportant?

Alternatively, it could be the fear of losing one's identity. It is essential to identify the specific negative emotion that is currently being experienced.

What is the underlying need that is being expressed? To what other experiences or memories does it bring to mind?

It is a fallacy to assume that all emotions are groundless. They are, in fact, experiences that are retained in the body. When such an emotion arises, it is important to treat it with respect, accept it, and understand its underlying meaning. Only then can it potentially alter the fundamental tenets of one's existence.

It is my hope that this will provide you with food for thought.

Anger can be transferred because some emotions cannot be resolved. The best way to deal with this is to resolve these emotions.

For example, you don't want to pour water for a customer, but you did because a colleague asked you to. You feel resentment. Then, a Didi driver calls to tell you that your location has been entered incorrectly. You vent your resentment about pouring water onto the Didi driver.

You don't mean to target the taxi driver, but you need someone to vent your anger at. He is the poor, weak victim.

To avoid anger, try to avoid or reduce its occurrence. For example, you could say you're busy or have other things to do when asked to pour water for a customer. If you do this a few times, your colleagues will know you don't want to do it.

If you can't refuse, think about it differently. I can't refuse to pour water, so I have to do it whether I'm happy or not. So why don't I do it happily? You can turn a low-value task into a high-value task. For example, you can use pouring water to connect with customers, understand their needs, and help the company win business.

See things differently and the anger will go away.

I can sense that you feel a strong sense of injustice from the incident of the previous driver pouring water. I want to clarify that I was not the one who poured the water before, and it is not my responsibility to do so. I was simply being kind before, but I am unsure why people keep asking me to pour water. I understand your frustration, and I empathize with your feelings of unfairness and anger. It is okay to feel these emotions. Everyone has emotions, and it is important to acknowledge and accept them.

Could it be that everyone wants you to pour water after you have delivered it once because you had a particularly smooth exchange with the customer after delivering the water last time, and everyone feels that bringing the water to the customer brings them good luck?

Perhaps it's because you're more outgoing and your smile is especially nice that everyone hopes you can bring a good feeling to customers when you go to pour water and deliver it? If so, it might make you feel better inside.

I can see that you don't particularly enjoy the task of pouring water and that you feel a certain obligation to comply with requests from seniors, even though you find it unpleasant and frustrating. Have you considered how you would feel if you refused to pour water for a senior?

Perhaps you could consider whether your work life is affected in any way. You may wish to weigh up the impact and, if it is bearable, you could perhaps try saying no once in a while.

If you find it challenging to decline directly, as it might have a notable effect on your work life, you might consider an alternative way to avoid pouring water when guests arrive.

I can understand why you felt the need to keep explaining, but I think you may have inadvertently caused some impatience as a result. It's also possible that your previous emotions were not fully accepted by you, which may have prompted a shift in your emotions, leading to feelings of irritation and resentment. It's perfectly normal and understandable. I encourage you to acknowledge these emotions and reflect on the positioning error of Didi. It's important to remember that the driver is actually very innocent. If you have any thoughts, you can always apologize to the driver. After all, he is not entirely at fault for causing these emotions, yet he has to bear so much. If there is no opportunity to do so, that's okay. I believe the driver will also handle his emotions well. I just wish him well!

It seems as though you've been through a lot recently. However, you have the power to choose how you feel about things. I hope you can find happiness in your life.

Hello, I'd like to offer you a hug that encompasses all directions.

From your question, I can see that you understand the cause of your troubles very well. It seems that you are expressing your anger at your workplace seniors on the innocent Didi driver.

This is a phenomenon that psychologists refer to as the "kick-the-cat effect." It is a prime example of how negative emotions can spread and affect our behavior.

Let's imagine that Zhang San has been scolded by his boss at work and is holding back a lot of anger. He may feel tempted to express his frustration in a way that could have negative consequences, such as slamming his hand on the table or walking away. However, he might consider the financial responsibilities he has, including the mortgage, car loan, children's tuition fees, and his mother's medical expenses. Additionally, he may think about the recent purchase of earrings for 8,000 yuan by his wife.

Zhang San could only tell himself that forbearance is a challenging emotion to navigate. I'll just try to be patient.

When Zhang San went downstairs to get into his car and go home, he politely asked the security guard to open the door when he arrived at the entrance. He repeated his request a few times, but the security guard didn't respond. When the security guard came out, he kindly informed Zhang San that it was mealtime. Zhang San hadn't eaten yet, and he was still feeling frustrated. He was tempted to express his frustration, but the security guard was the boss's wife's brother, and Zhang San had already experienced a negative outcome when he had complained about the security guard.

Zhang San reflected that patience is a virtue and that practising it a hundred times will make a person strong.

Upon returning home, Zhang San observed his son engaged in the act of watching TV. As he proceeded to inquire about the status of his homework, his demeanor underwent a noticeable transformation. Just as he was on the verge of expressing his frustration and urging his son to prioritize his studies, his mother made an appearance and offered a straightforward response: "What are you yelling for? What's wrong with watching TV?"

Zhang San paused. He was concerned that if he expressed his frustration with his son, it might prevent him from allowing him to complete his homework. Additionally, he feared that his mother's health might be at risk if she were to intervene. Zhang San reflected, "I'll just bear it, I'll just bear it, bearing it is a challenge."

I believe that endurance leads to strength, which can be seen as a metaphor for a ring.

At this time, the family cat ran over and grabbed Zhang San's trouser leg, so Zhang San gently nudged the cat away with his foot. In fact, normally the cat would also come over to Zhang San's trouser leg when he came home, to give him a cuddle.

But today, Zhang San, who has been holding back all day, decides to give the cat a little kick.

I hope you can see what I mean. In this story I made up, Zhang San had anger and dissatisfaction, and in the end he expressed his anger and dissatisfaction on the most innocent and weakest cat.

He may inadvertently transfer his dissatisfaction and negative emotions to other people.

From this story, we can see that our emotions can be managed. We have the option to choose whether or not to express our anger, and we can also choose how to express it.

If I may, I would like to give you another example.

To illustrate, let's consider a scenario where a mother is scolding her child for destroying the sofa. At this moment, her phone rings. Upon answering, she realizes it's her boss.

From the moment she answered the phone, she displayed a calm and collected demeanor, engaging in a professional discussion with her boss and assuring him of her commitment to complete the task on time. However, when she turned to her child, her expression shifted once more, and she proceeded to offer constructive criticism.

This example illustrates that one's temper can be managed. It's possible that individuals who claim they lack control over their temper may be doing so to maintain a certain image or benefit in a given situation.

For instance, the individual who kicked the cat may have released some of their negative emotions by doing so. Similarly, the mother who yelled at her son could have made him obey and be afraid of her, which might have encouraged him to do what she wanted.

Anger can be a powerful emotion. It's not uncommon for anger to be used as a means of influencing others and achieving one's own goals. However, if this power is misused, it can lead to unintended consequences, such as strong resistance from the other person.

Some people may choose to release their anger externally, while others may have anger but lack the courage to vent it, and may instead lash out at themselves, which could potentially lead to physical problems.

In light of these considerations, it seems important to note that anger is an emotion, and there is nothing inherently problematic about emotions. However, the way we deal with our emotions can have a significant impact on our lives.

Some people may choose to express their anger in different ways, while others may turn it inward. However, these are not always the most effective or appropriate ways to deal with anger.

So, how might we best deal with anger?

It would be beneficial to start by understanding anger.

It is important to understand that anger is a normal emotion. Having anger means that we care about ourselves and our needs.

I would like to suggest the book Understanding Anger, written by a senior psychological counselor, which may be helpful in understanding the underlying demands behind anger and how we can grow and change in the midst of it.

It may be helpful to consider finding another outlet for your anger.

As we mentioned previously, anger can be a powerful emotion. It's important to recognize that this power can be expressed in different ways, either by releasing it or by turning it inward.

As a general rule, it is often beneficial to express one's emotions.

It is always best to vent safely and rationally, without causing harm to others or damaging relationships.

It might be helpful to consider engaging in some kind of competitive sport when you feel angry. Some possibilities include boxing, basketball, or other similar activities.

It may be helpful to consider ways of dissipating your anger in confrontation.

I once read a short story about a man who practiced martial arts but was unfortunately in an extremely unhappy marriage. When he came home and was yelled at by his wife, he naturally didn't dare yell back.

He found a way to release his pent-up frustration by confronting the thieves at the train station and, in a moment of rage, beating them up. Over time, the thieves came to recognize that this man's visits were often triggered by his wife's mistreatment at home.

It is worth noting that this method may not be suitable for everyone, as there is a risk of it backfiring.

It is important to remember, however, that there are many ways to cope with anger, and it is up to each individual to find the method that suits them best. One such method is to engage in physical labor, such as carrying bricks at a construction site. This can be an effective way to release dopamine in the brain, which can help to improve mood.

It would be beneficial to learn to control anger.

As previously discussed, releasing pent-up emotions can help mitigate the negative effects of anger. However, it's important to recognize that this approach may not fully address the underlying issues, and it may not be a long-term solution.

Let's consider ways to control anger and reduce its occurrence. When there is less anger, there may be less need to vent it.

I would like to suggest the book Managing Anger, written by Albert Ellis, who is regarded as the forefather of cognitive behavioral therapy.

The theory places an emphasis on the ABC model of emotions. In essence, it suggests that our emotions and behaviors, or C, are not solely determined by the triggering event, or A. Rather, they are influenced by our beliefs, or B, about the triggering event.

For instance, if a senior requests that you pour water for a customer, that would be the triggering event, A. Your anger and dislike would be, C. The intermediate B would be your belief about this matter, which could be the cause of your emotions. It's possible that your belief may be that he is bullying people and you feel powerless in the situation.

You may wish to consider this matter for yourself.

If you're interested in improving your mood, you might consider changing the intermediate belief, B. This book offers a variety of strategies for challenging the beliefs that may be holding you back.

You might like to give it a try.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

I am a counselor who tends to see the world through a lens of occasional optimism, balanced with a realistic outlook.

Give the poster a hug! I can understand why they're feeling angry. We all encounter things in the workplace or in life that make us feel angry and uncomfortable. When we lose our temper, it can have a negative impact on our work and personal lives. If we don't lose our temper and hold it in, it can be difficult to cope.

What should I do? Keep reading. When these emotions come up, the first thing you should do is accept them. Then, try to understand what they're expressing. Think about what just happened, what you felt, and what you want to do. Try to understand what these emotions mean to you.

For individuals, emotions are processed from within the body in the context of a relationship between the self and the outside world. In other words, there is a part of the self and a part of external factors, which interact and are expressed through emotions, expressing what the self wants to express to the outside world. I agree with a teacher who said upstairs that even negative emotions play a positive role. Usually, these negative emotions are a reminder that the self needs attention. In other words, individuals usually do not pay enough attention to themselves and need to attract attention.

So, the questioner can follow the above instructions to accept and be aware of their emotions, discover the meaning they represent, give themselves the attention and satisfaction they need in a reasonable and appropriate way, or release these emotions. For example, find a place where no one can hear you and yell, or cry it out, go to the gym and punch a bag.

Once you've released those emotions, you'll naturally stop making yourself feel bad.

Good morning, I'm therapist Yue Tianrui.

Firstly, I can see that you have reflected on your current emotional state and are seeking to improve it. You also want to obtain feedback and suggestions from a wider audience by posting online. That's a positive step.

Secondly, based on the text description, it seems that you are angry because you are consistently assigned to "pour water" in the workplace. You appear reluctant to perform this task and perceive it as a forced responsibility. However, you have not disclosed these feelings to anyone. You are visibly upset and unable to resolve them at the moment, but you are seeking an outlet for your frustration. If something else goes wrong, it is likely that your anger will be triggered again, as you mentioned, "taking out your anger" on other things.

Your situation is understandable.

Third, in this situation, it is important to acknowledge that emotions are a normal part of the process. This then leads to the question of why the individual is so angry about having to "pour the water." Is this anger isolated to this particular situation, or does it extend to other instances?

Please indicate when you typically become angry and whether there are instances when you are less irritated. Additionally, please describe your primary concerns.

I must ask myself why I did not express my anger at the time.

If the issue is related to our typical interpersonal patterns, we can enhance our communication skills. We can read books on communication, such as "Nonviolent Communication," observe how other individuals handle similar situations, take courses, or find a listening partner or counselor to delve into the matter in depth.

It is important to note that positive interpersonal relationships are a significant factor in maintaining positive moods. To achieve this, continuous growth is essential.

Fourth, should our emotions become overwhelming and impede our ability to cope with current responsibilities, we may require immediate emotional adjustment. This could entail taking a few deep breaths to calm the emotions or engaging in meditation to achieve a state of calm and awareness.

You may find it beneficial to read books related to mindfulness.

In any case, we can accept the fluctuations in emotions that occur in life, whether positive or negative, and recognize that they are a natural part of the human experience. With this understanding, we can then learn to identify and adapt to these emotions.

Best wishes for success!

Hello. I am Ru Shi. I understand this feeling of anger. Everyone has encountered such a situation. I have encountered it myself. There is nothing wrong with emotions. However, we can pause at the point that most touches our emotions and ask ourselves why we are so angry. What was going through our minds at the time? See what past memories or experiences we associate with it. Why can't I refuse? What will happen if I refuse? What can I do to stop bringing water? Or see if it is the act of bringing water that makes you angry or his words and deeds that make you angry.

If this is not your job scope, you can and should refuse. We often fear refusing others because we subconsciously believe they will dislike us. Or there is a relationship of interest! But we are not RMB, and we cannot please everyone.

There's a saying: "Hello. I'm good. Everyone is good." I believe this sentence should be changed to "Hello. Everyone is good." Why? Because within the scope of legal ethics, we must prioritize self-care before we can care for others. "I'm good" encourages us to love ourselves before loving others. Only by taking care of yourself can you have the energy to take care of others! I highly recommend reading the book "The Courage to Be Disliked." It will help you!

Good day, letmefly.

I am here to provide assistance and welcome your feedback. Letmefly.

The original poster indicated that they are experiencing a high level of anger, which is a normal response in such circumstances. I would like to extend my support and encouragement to the original poster.

The host is seeking guidance on how to respond to anger. This is a pertinent question.

It is important to note that anger has a positive meaning. Anger is a signal that something we care about is not being met, and it can help us identify our core values. In this situation, the host is seeking respect. Anger can also make us feel powerful. We are aware that angry scenes can increase our metabolism.

When we are angry, it is clear to others that our limits have been reached, which helps us maintain our boundaries.

It is important to note that anger can also have negative consequences, such as impulsive behavior, making decisions without thinking, and causing tension in interpersonal relationships. Therefore, it is essential to understand how to manage angry emotions effectively. I recently reviewed Nonviolent Communication, which outlines four key steps for expressing anger:

1. Take a moment to pause and breathe deeply.

2. Examine our critical thoughts.

3. Identify and prioritize our needs.

4. Articulate our feelings and unmet needs.

When we feel angry, it is important to take a moment to pause, take a deep breath, and observe the judgmental thoughts that arise, such as "Is the senior sick? Why does he always make me pour the water?" During this time, it is beneficial to reflect on your own needs. The host's need is to hope that they can be treated fairly and reasonably and be respected. If this is the case, the host can engage in a constructive dialogue with this senior to discuss their feelings and needs, as sometimes others may not fully comprehend their feelings and needs.

It would be beneficial to empathize with the senior colleague before discussing the matter further. In order to conclude the transaction successfully, it is important to ensure that the customer is treated with respect. Therefore, it would be unprofessional to say, "You're just looking for trouble, and pouring water is not my job."

I recommend that the original poster read this book, which I believe will be beneficial.

I hope this information is useful to you and I look forward to your feedback, attention, and likes.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm here to help.

From what the questioner said, it seems like he's having trouble saying no to assignments at work. This can lead to frustration and anger, which might be influenced by what he learned growing up.

It's possible that the original poster grew up in a family where his or her parents told him or her not to vent his or her emotions on elders. It's also possible that the original poster made a request that was ignored. When the original poster was in his or her original family, he or she developed a pattern of obeying elders. In the workplace, he or she may not know how to refuse some requests, which can make it difficult to release his or her anger. Instead, the original poster may vent his or her inner emotions downward.

It's totally normal to feel negative emotions sometimes. We all do! But if we don't release them, they can affect our lives and work. So, it's really helpful to learn to refuse requests we don't want to do, control our temper well, and find ways to release negative emotions. This will not only improve your quality of life, but also make your relationships more harmonious!

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I wish I could give you more advice, but since this is a public forum, I can only give you the simplest advice I can:

It's so important to learn to say no!

When faced with unreasonable requests, the questioner has every right to refuse. Perhaps in the questioner's opinion, refusing someone is impolite or a show of courage.

It can be tough when you don't want to do something, but it's important to stand firm and refuse. It might not be realistic to ask someone to refuse others at once, but with a little practice, you'll get there!

The questioner can practice more in private and learn how to speak when refusing someone. When you do have to say no, try to be as direct and concise as possible, and don't mumble. For example, you could say something like, "I'd love to help, but I have a task, I'm too busy, how about I help you next time?"

Be concise and clear. Let the other person know that you're doing this as a favor, not because you have to. Avoid making them feel like you're making excuses.

It's so important to be firm in your attitude. Once you've spoken, it's best to just get on with your day. That way, the other person knows you're serious.

It's so important to recognize anger!

It's totally normal to get angry. When we do, our bodies show symptoms and we experience a number of emotional changes during a temper tantrum. We get angry, but it's not just anger. It's also sadness or pain, for example, which we don't know how to express and can only release through anger.

It's so helpful to pay attention to these changes in emotions! They help us become aware of our temper. Generally, the following emotional changes can be expected:

We all get irritated sometimes. It's only human!

Sadness or depression.

Guilt.

Hatred.

Anxiety.

It's totally normal to feel defensive sometimes. We've all been there!

It's so important to understand what makes you angry.

When the questioner loses their temper and becomes furious, take a moment to think about what makes you angry. It's also a good idea to observe the circumstances in which you take out your anger on others, and figure out why you get angry.

Some things will make people angry involuntarily. These triggers of anger are usually related to previous emotions or memories (although you may not be aware of this yourself). This is something we can all relate to! It requires the subject to self-reflect on what makes the subject angry. The main factors that make people angry in general are as follows:

It can be really tough when you feel like other people are controlling you. We've all been there!

It can be really tough to forgive yourself for mistakes, can't it?

Oh, being betrayed is such a bummer!

We all get hurt sometimes. It's only natural. But it's how we choose to deal with those hurts that makes all the difference.

We all get stressed from time to time. It's only natural!

It's so important to try to avoid things that make you angry.

If you know what makes you angry, try to avoid it. If there are other things that make you angry too, like lack of sleep or too much work, it's even more important to find ways to avoid them.

Let's say, for instance, that you find it tough to say no to other people and it makes you angry. You can avoid getting angry by leaving the scene or spending some time alone. It might help to write down what you're angry about on a piece of paper. Then, you can analyze the reasons, write down what you want to do, and bury the paper somewhere uninhabited or burn it to see if your emotions have eased.

It's so important to try to avoid losing control.

If you feel your anger or temper rising, it's best to step away from the situation. Give yourself some space to calm down and think clearly. You'll be able to handle things better if you don't let your emotions get the better of you.

If you can, try to adjust your breathing, take a deep breath, and relax your muscles to help you relax. You can also do more breathing exercises to learn how to relax yourself. Here are some specific exercises you can try:

Start by exercising the muscles in your face and head. Tighten them for 20 seconds, then relax. You've got this!

Now, let's gently contract and then release the muscles of your shoulders, arms, back, hands, abdomen, legs, feet, and toes in that order.

Take a nice, deep breath and feel the relaxation process working its way from your toes all the way up to the top of your head.

Try to find the humor in it, my friend.

We all know that life can be really tough sometimes. But we can choose to focus our attention elsewhere, not on the thing that's upsetting us, and try to find the humor in it.

It's okay to feel frustrated or overwhelmed, but try to stay positive and find the humor in the situation. If someone is always asking you to do something, you can remind yourself that they probably really need your help. It's natural to feel a bit nervous when a customer wants you to be there to help them, but try to see it as a chance to show your dedication and commitment.

This can turn an unpleasant experience into a funny memory!

It might help to adjust your perception.

Cognitive restructuring is a great way to help you replace negative emotions with more constructive and meaningful positive thoughts. We all know that anger can cloud your thinking, so learning how to think rationally can really help you stay in control.

Let's say you're running late for work one day. You might feel pretty unhappy about it, want to lose your cool, and think the whole day is going to be awful. If you really let your anger get the best of you, it'll probably be a rough day.

In this case, the questioner can try to adjust their thoughts and look at what they just thought in a more rational way. You'll realize that a trivial matter is not enough to ruin your day, that your workplace will understand your situation, and that this kind of thing doesn't "always" happen to you (unless you're late every day, then it might be time to work on your time management skills).

If you can see that getting angry doesn't help, it can also help you to avoid losing control. I know it can be hard to find solutions (like getting up early), so why make it harder on yourself?

It's so important to find the right psychological intervention for you.

If you've tried the above methods and they're not quite doing the trick, I would really recommend that you seek the help of a mental health professional to help you address the root cause of your anger. It's so important to take care of yourself! Find a counselor who can teach you some techniques on how to relax when you're feeling angry.

Counselors are also great at helping you improve your emotional control and communication skills. And if you've experienced violence in your childhood, there are psychologists who can help you work through that and learn to separate it from your current anger.

I really hope my answer helps!

Good morning, Dear questioner,

My name is Kelly.

I have carefully reviewed your question and understand your feelings. Initially, it is important to recognize your emotions. If left unresolved, it is normal to feel impatient and irritable.

I must admit that I am not a trained psychologist, so I may not be able to handle this issue as effectively as you.

[Let's begin by discussing the issue of pouring water for customers.]

This is a common issue. In a similar manner to how it would be expected at home, when there are guests, it is often the case that it is the mother or father who pours the tea.

Subsequently, when my sister and I reached adulthood, we assumed responsibility for providing boiled water to guests, offering them a cup of water to quench their thirst given the distance they had traveled.

The questioner may be young, and the family dynamic may differ from ours. It is possible that they are not frequently involved in pouring water for guests.

1. Can you identify your thoughts and feelings when you are serving water to a customer? Do you feel disrespected?

2. Alternatively, does your colleague make you feel uncomfortable when you serve them water?

3: If you are relatively junior in the company, your colleagues may assume that you are willing to pour the water, and they will not question your decision.

4: The individual in question can discuss the matter with colleagues and take turns doing so, depending on the situation in the company.

5: You may also choose to take the initiative and inform the other person that you are currently occupied and unable to assist with the task at hand. (These decisions are up to you, and if the other person is your equal, or you are the youngest in the office, only then will you be allowed to pour the water.)

6: In my experience, when I have visited other companies, many of their chairmen will serve us water and make coffee themselves. I have interpreted this as a positive gesture and a way of fostering a positive relationship.

7: Explain that your company's hospitality is exemplary and that it is also a way for the company to showcase its culture to the outside world (this aspect falls under soft culture).

My experience of visiting other companies has been one of coldness and discomfort, which has also left a negative impression.

8: Adjust your perspective.

This is a social relationship between people, not a transactional one.

9: Distinguish between accepting the spilled water and not accepting the disrespectful treatment by your colleague.

[Regarding your communication with the driver]

I would like to begin by sharing with you the concept of the "cat-kicking effect."

The kicking cat effect refers to

The chain reaction that occurs when you express your frustration with someone in a position of lesser authority or status.

The "kick-the-cat effect" illustrates the tendency for negative moods to spread within a social network.

Dissatisfaction and negative moods tend to spread through social networks where individuals are connected based on their relative status or influence.

The questioner can ascertain that if they are in a negative emotional state at the time, meeting with their superior will likely result in a similar emotional response.

It is possible that you were already dissatisfied with the driver's mistake and were also experiencing significant work-related pressure at the time, which may have contributed to your reactions.

Let us assume the following:

Please elucidate the concept of the "cat effect."

If you are in a bad mood, have communication conflicts with the driver, and the driver is also in a bad mood, it can lead to a chain reaction of negative interactions. For example, the driver may go home and scold his wife, who may then scold their son, who is playing with his phone instead of studying. The son may become angry and kick the cat playing in the yard.

The cat felt so wronged that it retreated to a corner of the room.

It is important to note that emotions can be contagious.

For example, if you were to go shopping with a close friend today and purchase some new clothes, you would then return home, show them to your parents, receive praise, feel positive, and see how attractive you look in the mirror.

Awareness of one's emotions is the first step towards self-understanding.

1. It is possible to train oneself to become more aware of one's emotions and to identify the thoughts that arise when one considers a particular situation. For example, one might consider unpleasant memories.

2. One effective method for managing negative emotions is through written expression. This can be done in a diary or psychological journal, which can help in reducing negative feelings.

3. It is advisable to cultivate a larger social circle in order to have a reliable support system with whom to discuss both positive and negative experiences.

4. Seek the guidance of a professional counselor or a listener.

5. Engage in activities that distract you from your current situation, such as reading, watching a movie, or pursuing a hobby.

In these concise words, the inquirer demonstrates both the capacity to perceive and the ability to address emotions in a timely manner. It is my hope that your question and my response will prove beneficial to you.

Should you have any further queries, please do not hesitate to ask or communicate further with other members of the community.

Best regards,

My name is Kelly.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy new year. Best regards, Kelly

It is important to acknowledge and release anger when it arises, regardless of the method used.

While there are numerous methods for releasing anger, only a small percentage of individuals are able to effectively utilize them.

As an illustration, if you express your anger in a loving manner and your family responds with love, your anger will dissipate. However, the reality is that 99% of families are unable to create such an atmosphere.

Another option is to go out for drinks and karaoke with friends to relieve stress. However, in today's environment, it can be challenging to find such friends.

Another common method is to redirect the anger towards strangers, children, or loved ones, which is a typical response.

While it is not advisable to be excessively self-critical, it is important to recognize that this emotion is, in fact, a normal human response.

The source of this anger is not the trivial matter of spilling the water, as it is unnecessary and meaningless.

Rather, the source of this anger is a sense of powerlessness and a lack of courage.

In essence, you are not attacking the senior, but rather your own perceived weaknesses.

I empathize with your sentiments, but I must inform you that the vulnerable you has, in fact, been safeguarding you throughout this process.

It provides effective protection from further bullying and damage when your mental state is not optimal. It also serves as an effective scapegoat.

Only when you cease to attack the weak can you become strong without a sense of guilt. The current self must be weak, but the future self will undoubtedly have the opportunity to be stronger. When you recognize the value of the weak self, you can become truly motivated and valuable in becoming strong.

Do not be overly critical of yourself.

I would like to extend my personal and professional greetings to you.

It is my sincere hope that you will find happiness.

Hi there!

I'm Du Qinghua, a psychological counselor, and I'd love to chat with you.

First, I read all of your text carefully, and the first thing that caught my attention was "transferring anger to someone else," which is to say, taking it out on someone else. In fact, in life, who among us doesn't take out our anger on others? When we have already become angry about something and haven't digested it yet, how can we not take out our anger on others at all? That's too hard!

If it were easy, Confucius' disciple Yan Hui would not have been able to "not take anger personally and not repeat the same mistake," and it would not have been written in the Analects for us to learn from. We're just ordinary people, and taking anger personally is pretty common.

Second, the key to resolving the problem now is not to take out your anger on others, but to figure out how to deal with the anger that has already come out or is simmering beneath the surface. Then there is no need to take out your anger on others. How do you deal with anger?

It's important to see anger, not to explode with anger. When you see anger, you need to understand what it's trying to express and what the underlying need is. Then you can meet that need and downgrade the anger.

Third, focus on the matter. Pouring water was never your concern, but because it happened once, it's now your responsibility.

There might be a voice inside asking, "Why?"

You think I'm an easy target? You feel aggrieved.

You might also be thinking, "Oh my gosh, what an embarrassing moment! If my colleagues see me, I'll be so embarrassed!"

How did I end up serving tea and water? You might feel a little ashamed.

There might be other voices inside, and you need to be aware of that.

Fourth, let's look at this another way. Is the anger you feel triggered by this incident only intense and long-lasting, or is it the same for other things? If so, think about it. Although the things are different, are the triggers for anger similar? For example, are they all feelings of being wronged, shame, worry, or fear? In short, anger is generally just a superficial emotion. What are the deeper emotions? We need to become aware of them, see these emotions, and understand the needs behind them. If the needs can be met, that's satisfaction; if they cannot be met, then it completes the process of expressing the emotion.

Fifth, looking at things from another perspective, emotions are a way for us to truly understand our inner needs. If we can become aware of them, recognize them, and accept them, then we can move past this problem and start to feel better.

Good job! You've been actively solving the problem, and you deserve a pat on the back for that.