What if my parents are always picking on me... I'm really tired of it, I hate them.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi, and I'm consistent and calm!

Is the child more important or is the cat more important?

This may seem like a multiple-choice question, but there's no need to worry! Everyone has an answer in their heart, and the person asking the question is not looking for an answer, but rather a reaction.

I'm so excited to help you with this! I just want to say that I can only make a simple judgment due to the limited information mentioned in the description. Please forgive me if it is not accurate, but I'm eager to help!

I think you don't have any children yet, and you're willing to get a cat in your spare time. I don't know if that's the case, but it would be great if you could get a cat! Your parents actually don't accept this lifestyle of yours. You can tell from the questions they ask that they're not really interested in your answer to this question. They just want you to see the deeper meaning behind what they're saying, the essence of life.

So, in this issue, due to differences in lifestyle and values, the differences between you are becoming more and more pronounced. This is an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and your parents! There are more conflicts and misunderstandings, but there's also room for growth and understanding. If possible, I suggest talking to your parents. It is unlikely that you can change them, but it shouldn't be difficult to achieve mutual respect.

Let's dive in and learn how to communicate better with our parents!

Your biggest problem is that you cannot accept each other's lifestyles. This is something we can definitely work on together! Your parents cannot accept that you spoil a cat so much, and you cannot accept your parents' harsh words to you and their tyrannical attitude towards your cat. This is normal. Everyone expresses anger in different ways, so we need to communicate calmly.

I think your parents must have feelings for you. They lose their temper hysterically just like a bear child because they love you deeply. So let's acknowledge psychologically that our parents love us! Then, let's talk to them about lifestyle issues, seeking common ground while reserving differences, and living together in harmony. I'm sure our lives will be more full of the fragrance of life!

Regarding your mother renting out your house and not giving you the rent, as well as your request to live there yourself, your parents didn't agree. There are a few issues involved, and it's quite complicated. But don't worry! If you want to solve it better, you can start by building good communication skills. If you're not confident in your communication skills, you can find a mediator to help everyone communicate harmoniously together. I think it's possible, and I'm excited to see what you can do!

Best regards!

Hello, question asker.

I'm not sure if it's too late to answer your question.

Let's look at what you said. Your parents are asking who is more important, the cat or the child. I think the cat is more important. The child got scratched by the cat because he provoked it, so he deserves it. But my parents get upset when they don't get the answer they want.

I think you're constantly dealing with your parents' unreasonable behavior, and you're unsure of how to handle your child's tantrums.

You might even feel a little angry when you see how your parents are acting. I'm here for you, my dear. Maybe your parents never cared about your feelings when you were little, and they never understood you. They probably couldn't imagine the bond you had with the kitten before. Pets are sometimes our emotional support.

The thing that gets you so riled up isn't your parents' feelings about the cat. It's the part where you're mad at your folks for not paying enough attention to you, not understanding you, and even blaming you for not doing a better job when you were growing up.

I think we can all take a moment to ask ourselves:

How do you typically respond to your parents' and child's emotions?

What are the underlying reasons for your parents' arguments with you about the cat and the child?

Have we ever considered the challenges cats and children have presented to our parents?

They used some pretty disgusting tactics to try to get me to give in. They said they'd throw my cat out the window and let him die or stew him. I really want to have a big fight with them and cut all ties.

Yes, we've grown up and learned to separate and handle our own little family. We've sorted out the part about separation—your business, my business, and God's business—and we can see that we're willing to separate from our parents. This is a difficult thing for you at the moment, so let's think about it. Are we really ready to separate from our parents?

Even if it's not realistic, can we do it physically? We can separate ourselves from the situation, not blame our parents for what they did wrong, and see what everyone's needs are behind the problem.

My mother is still withholding the rental income from my house and she won't give me the title deed. Every time I ask to move back in, she yells at me. I'm really tired. Even though I'm almost forty, I still have no hope for the future. I hate them.

I get the feeling that you're struggling with some inner conflict. It seems like you feel a bit suppressed and misunderstood. So, are we paying enough attention to ourselves?

Do we see ourselves as needing understanding and affection? Perhaps our parents could kindly and calmly tell us that the whole cat situation is really bothering them. Could we accept that?

I wonder if children also need more care from each other.

I'm overdue for a catch-up. I'm thinking of you, the world, and I love you. Have a good night.

What do you think?

The question at the beginning reminds me of two classic nightmare questions: 1. If your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, who would you save first? 2. If your parents separate, who would you stay with?

Just a heads-up: These two issues are different.

1⃣️The person asking the question is faced with being chosen, and your choice is related to the status and stability of the relationship between the questioner and you.

2⃣️ It seems like the person asking the question isn't one of the chosen ones. No matter how you choose, it has no direct relationship with the questioner. It looks like they're just trying to create some difficult emotions for you.

Clearly, the initial question is number two.

I don't think parents are acting like children, but rather treating the OP like a child and teasing her. This is a very poor strategy, NPC, taking your own ideas as the standard answer and completely ignoring the OP's emotions and feelings.

But has the questioner ever thought about why parents love this game so much? I think there are a lot of reasons, but one thing is for sure: this question and the way it's asked really gets people's emotions going. It's the fact that their parents are so unappealing that makes them think this is so funny and worth playing over and over again.

❗️❗️When you combine this with the fact that the questioner's house is occupied, it's clear that the questioner's parents still believe that what is theirs is theirs, and that even the child itself is theirs. They have to unconditionally agree with their arrangements and ideas, and treat the child's property as if they had received our New Year's Eve money when they were young. It just so happens that this child is also powerless to resist, and the state of the subject being unable to be separated from the parents continues.

I think the questioner is wondering what they would do if the person occupying the house wasn't a parent. It's a tricky one. If it was a stranger, how would you handle it? It really depends on the person asking.

What do you think?

Hello!

While you're asking for help, my cat ran over to the computer and sniffed it!

She's so in tune with the love humans have for cats, she acts super clingy!

Your parents said a lot of violent things, threw the cat out, or stewed it... It's really hard to imagine someone being a parent and saying such things. It's ridiculous, but also kind of funny!

Your parents said a lot of violent things, threw the cat out, or stewed it... It's really hard to imagine that someone who is a parent would say such things. It's ridiculous, but it's also hilarious!

Oh, the great debate! Is the child more important or is the cat more important? This kind of comparison is taking things too far and does not consider the issue from the following perspectives.

1. Children absolutely need guidance and education from adults! If they are indulged, they may become permanently dissatisfied in the future and may also belittle others.

This has a very negative effect on a child's development. So, it's important for adults to reflect on this and pay attention!

2. The cat was adopted by my daughter, so if I can love the cat, I won't make a big fuss and argue all the time. If this happens a lot, then as an older person, you get to embrace a new perspective and see your past experience in a whole new light!

There's still room for improvement!

3. Whether it's a scolding or a compliment, it's all part of PUA! The questioner just needs to nourish the spirit and grow from the depths of their heart: the courage to make the choice they want!

It's so important to understand that feeling of being locked up inside.

I highly recommend the movie Mandela. When Mandela was in prison, his wife was treated unfairly, so Mandela's wife was filled with hatred.

At the time, I felt that hatred could be a powerful force, helping me pursue the justice I wanted. Just like a building, it needed the principle of physical force to rise from the ground.

And don't forget, in the end, to empty hatred and fill it with the soil of love, or support it with the power of love! The famous Hanging Monastery in China, the subject of this article, can be explored online.

You want to be independent, and you hope your parents can show some understanding!

But they have long since chosen to live according to their experiences. They may not be happy, but they feel that this is the only way they will ever be, and that it is the "safest" way – even though sensible people know that their "pursuit" of "safety" is so incongruous and unreasonable.

You have been through a lot since childhood. You didn't ask for it, but it's made you stronger. You're becoming more discerning of every word your parents say, and that's a good thing!

You should start a new you! And it's never too late to do so.

Love yourself! Believe in the power of others in society! And go out and explore the world!

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan.

From the questioner's description, it can be seen that the questioner feels that his parents do not love him and that he is unable to gain their respect. When a child is unable to receive complete love from their parents, they will also lack the necessary guidance to navigate similar roles in their growth process, which can result in interpersonal relationship challenges.

The parents' controlling behavior towards the questioner has resulted in a lack of independence and an inability to take control of their own lives. These controlling behaviors appear normal to the parents but often lead to depression and harm to the questioner.

I will offer the original poster encouragement and support, and hope that they can face their parents with confidence. As the original poster has sought advice on this platform, I will provide some straightforward guidance based on their question:

It is important to understand the motives behind the parents' treatment of the questioner.

It would be beneficial to understand why the parents of the questioner treat the questioner this way. It would also be helpful to know whether they were treated similarly when they were young. Additionally, it would be valuable to ascertain whether the parents were taught this way by the elders in their family when they were young.

The manner in which to communicate with children is instilled in parents from their own families of origin. This approach is deeply ingrained in their hearts, influencing their subsequent interactions within their own families.

From their perspective, parents believe that treating their children in this manner is the appropriate approach.

It is important to understand your parents' motives so that you can release your emotions, treat them more calmly, and remain more composed.

It is advisable to avoid conflict with your parents.

It is advisable to avoid confrontation when your parents behave inappropriately. If their controlling behaviour causes you discomfort, you can express your feelings to them in a constructive manner without affecting communication.

It is advisable to avoid engaging in heated discussions with your parents. Should you become emotional and hurtful, it is recommended that you refrain from responding and instead take the opportunity to leave the situation. When an argument reaches a point of heightened intensity, it may be helpful to seek the company of a friend or relative for a period of time.

It is important to be able to identify controlling behavior in parents.

It is not always the case that strict parenting equates to controlling behaviour. It is not necessarily indicative of a controlling personality. A truly controlling parent will control others in a specific way.

These methods can be overt or covert. Controlling behavior can manifest in various forms, including verbal abuse and emotional instability.

The following behaviors may indicate a desire for control:

The individual in question will consistently and unfairly criticize you for minor issues, such as your appearance, attitude, or the choices you make.

For example, a parent may threaten to harm themselves or the child if the child does not comply with a request.

A parent may attempt to exploit their child's guilt to force them to do things they do not want to do. For example, a mother might say, "I was in labor for 18 hours to give birth to you, and now you won't even spend a few hours with me?"

Monitoring or disrespecting your privacy may include, but is not limited to, the following behaviors: casually looking through items in your room or secretly reading text messages on your phone when you are away from the room.

Take ownership of your actions.

The questioner's parents are attempting to exert control over some of the questioner's behaviors. However, it is ultimately up to the questioner to determine how to respond. Should you allow your parents to control your every word and action?

Should you confront the situation head-on or adopt a more measured approach? When dealing with parents who exhibit controlling behavior, it is essential to learn to control your emotions and maintain a respectful attitude at all times. This does not imply that you should not be filial to your parents. However, it will enable you to respond to some of their controlling behavior in a more composed manner.

It is recommended that you practice speaking to yourself in the mirror, maintaining a respectful attitude and behaving appropriately in response to your parents' controlling behavior. Practice responding in various scenarios based on the different responses your parents may make.

This approach will enable you to deal with your parents more effectively when the time comes.

Take control of your own affairs.

The questioner still resides with their parents and is unlikely to immediately cease their control. In order to effectively address their controlling behavior, the questioner must assume control of as many aspects of their life as possible, even if those aspects are not of primary concern to their parents.

For instance, consider controlling the timing of meals, your return time, and your work assignments. By taking control of these aspects, you can gradually make decisions that align with your preferences.

It is important to accept the reality of the situation.

It is important to recognize that the problem child cannot change their parents. This is a fundamental aspect of the situation that must be accepted. While neither the problem child nor the parents can control the other's feelings and thoughts, they can modify their attitude towards each other and, as a result, influence the other's attitude towards you.

It is not realistic to expect parents to change their personalities. The decision to change is theirs alone. It is challenging to alter the opinions of others, particularly when they do not believe they are in the wrong and are not open to change. Ultimately, the only individuals who can effect change are themselves.

It is important to develop resilience and self-confidence.

Why do parents seek to exert control over the individual who is posing the question? Is it because the individual is perceived as lacking sufficient strength of character?

If the individual in question is sufficiently independent and capable of functioning without parental assistance, will the controlling behavior of their parents become less intense? It is not uncommon for children to experience conflicting emotions towards their parents. On the one hand, they may resent the control exerted over them, yet on the other, they may seek their support and depend on them. When this behavior intersects with your own, it can impact the way you interact with your parents.

In the event of encountering difficulties, the questioner may request assistance from friends or other family members.

In the event of encountering controlling behavior from parents, it is advisable to minimize time spent in their presence. It is crucial to establish boundaries for oneself and for them, and to seek assistance from trusted friends when necessary. In the event that parents attempt to exert control through verbal means, it is recommended to communicate one's feelings at the time. An example of this would be, "I feel like I don't have any rights as an independent individual."

"I feel as though I have not yet reached adulthood, that I am still a child with no rights."

It is essential to establish clear and unambiguous boundaries.

The problem child can set clear boundaries between parents and adhere to them respectfully. It is important to agree with your parents on your personal space and respect each other's boundaries. If these boundaries are not respected, it will allow controlling behavior to continue, which is counterproductive.

Should issues arise in your relationship with your parents, it may be beneficial to utilise language skills. One approach could be to say something like, "I respect your boundaries, but there are instances when my boundaries are not respected."

How can we guarantee that our mutual needs are met?

If financial resources allow, it would be advisable to seek the assistance of a professional counselor. Based on my assessment, this individual has the potential to assist the questioner in adapting to the situation. It would be beneficial to research the counselor's reputation among visitors and inquire with friends about their experiences and the counselor's theoretical orientation.

There are numerous domestic consultants, but when it comes to identifying the optimal one, word-of-mouth recommendations often prove invaluable.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to the questioner.

Yixinli Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community World I Love You >> https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello! From your description, I can sense a certain level of frustration and resentment towards your parents. It seems that your parents have a strong influence over you, which has led to a pattern of ongoing confrontation with them.

Your parents are making you choose between the cat and the child, which is a difficult situation for someone who loves cats. I'm here to support you.

From what you've shared, it seems that your parents care about you deeply.

"My parents always ask me which is more important, the cat or the child. For me, it's obvious that the cat is more important. The child got scratched by the cat because he provoked it, so he deserves it." From your narrative, it seems that this anger of yours may stem from the perception that your parents care more about the child than they do about you. They even want to destroy the cat for the sake of the child, but they don't seem to be considering your feelings.

Could you please explain why you say the cat is important and deserves it?

It seems that you are using these words to express your frustration with your parents, with the underlying implication being that the cat is more important than your grandson. However, it's possible that there's more to the situation than meets the eye. It's possible that you feel that your parents have not placed you in an important position.

It could be said that the more your parents value their children, the more you feel angry, and the more you may find yourself in a confrontational position with your parents.

In doing so, there is a risk of inadvertently hurting the child.

It would be beneficial to be mindful of the underlying causes of your emotions. When you gain insight into your anger and its origins, you may find yourself stepping back from the intensity of the situation and viewing your emotions with a more objective lens.

In the future, when you find yourself in a similar situation, you might like to try giving yourself a little space to become aware of your feelings first, and then express them in a clear way. This can help the other person understand why you are upset, and it can also help you understand each other's feelings better.

By repeating this over and over, you may gradually learn to express your feelings in a more effective and rational way, rather than emotionally.

As you mentioned earlier, it's understandable to feel frustrated with your parents. However, I believe you may have a different perspective on the situation than what you've expressed. It's natural to want to protect your children from the challenges you've faced. However, expressing anger emotionally and speaking without thinking may not be the most effective approach. It could lead to further misunderstanding and intensify the conflict between you and your parents.

Could I suggest that you try a different approach? Even if you are equally angry, you could say something like this: "I understand that you think your child is important, and I do too. I care about him just as much as you do. But the cat is just as important to me. I'm sad that you're doing this. I don't feel that you care about me. I hope you can also treat me well and care about my feelings. Although I can't control the cat, we can teach our child to avoid the cat as much as possible. There can be a compromise. Why do I have to choose?"

I believe that expressing your feelings honestly can help to reduce any misunderstandings and eliminate the antagonism between you. It may be more constructive to resolve conflicts with your parents by expressing your feelings honestly, rather than repeatedly confronting them and getting drawn into a vicious cycle of conflict.

While it is true that your conflicts have been building up for a long time, it is precisely because of this that you should try to be patient and determined. You might like to consider changing your approach, getting to know your parents again, and giving them the opportunity to get to know you again.

With regard to your parents' influence over the household, this is a matter of boundaries. Your parents' control over you may be perceived as an infringement of your boundaries, and you may feel that you lack the power to assert your rights. Including children, this is your responsibility as a mother to raise them, and your parents' management of the children may be seen as exceeding yours. When a family relationship loses its boundaries, it may become chaotic.

Ideally, you and your husband should be in the leading position, taking care of everything in the family, including raising the children. Parents should be in the secondary position, letting go of the management of the family and enjoying their old age. However, there may be some challenges along the way.

For this to happen, it would be helpful for you to consider making some changes. It may be beneficial for you to develop the strength to maintain your boundaries and express yourself effectively, as this could help to gradually improve the situation.

My name is Mingyang, and I just wanted to say that I love you all!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

Given the questioner's confessions and troubles, it's clear that their parents' actions towards them are pretty controlling. Family control means that children must obey their parents' arrangements and cannot have their own thoughts or opinions. For example, if things don't go as their parents wish, they immediately lose their temper, making all kinds of sarcastic and personal attacks, saying whatever is unpleasant to you, putting you down and making you feel worthless, so that you feel really bad and end up obeying their arrangements. (This explanation comes from 360 Search.)

The questioner's parents always ask whether the questioner is more important as a cat or as a child. The questioner thinks that the cat is more important to him, but obviously the parents are not satisfied with this answer. From the description, the questioner says that he is almost 40 years old, but doesn't say anything about his marital status. Here, I can understand that the questioner feels that it is normal to have a cat to keep him company, even if he doesn't have a partner or children.

So, the questioner's parents are basically asking which is more important: the cat or the child. As parents, they're hoping their child will get married, start a family, and have their own children. When they heard the questioner say it was the cat, they couldn't accept that answer.

My parents are always pestering me. What should I do? I'm really tired of it. I hate them.

It's important to communicate with your parents properly and listen to what they really think.

It might be helpful to view the situation from the perspective of other people. It seems that there's a difference between the questioner's thoughts and their parents' understanding. It's possible that the parents are using this incident to express their attitude towards the questioner. If you value the cat, then they'll do something to it.

Needless to say, the behavior of the questioner's parents is inappropriate. You haven't communicated with each other effectively, so the conflicts between you are getting more and more intense. Find a suitable opportunity to tell your parents that you want to discuss it properly and express your desire to hear their thoughts. Why do they have to control you like this when you are already an adult?

You might be able to figure out what they really think from what they say. Being too controlling will only make the questioner feel like they can't breathe, so it's important to communicate well. The questioner should be a good listener. Just listen and don't rush to refute them. If they really mean well, try to understand them.

When you're facing limitations from your original family, it's best to separate the issue from your parents.

The way the questioner interacts with his parents is not ideal. The questioner doesn't feel loved by his parents, and they expect him to obey them in their own way. These two forces pull at each other, and the more they pull, the more damage they do to both sides.

We can reduce the negative impact that our original family has on us by facing the limitations they've brought to our lives, facing the emotions they've caused us, and admitting the pain they've caused us. The questioner can usually let go of the harm that their original family has done to them by learning to let go slowly.

I'd suggest the books It's Not Your Fault, Why Family Hurts, and It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love to the questioner. We can't choose our parents, but we can choose our own lives. The only way to be happy is to heal ourselves.

It's time to separate yourself from your parents' issues. You're already an adult, and you have the ability to get away from your parents. Just think it through, act on it, and believe in yourself.

It's important to know how to relieve yourself.

Because of the issues he has with his parents, how his parents react to him often affects how he feels. So, once we've identified what we're feeling, we need to know how to deal with it. Emotions have already arisen, and they won't disappear until we've resolved the underlying issue.

It's important to get out of the house more often. When we're feeling down, it's not helpful to hide away. This can make our negative emotions worse. It can also affect our perception of things. Going to a place near home with flowers, trees and plants can help. Even just sitting quietly and watching them can help us to feel better. Enjoying the fresh air they bring us can also help.

If you're not sure who to talk to, you can always find a little tree hole to pour out your emotions. It'll be a lot more comfortable to let it out. If you want to find a professional solution, you can try a counselor who is right for you and let them guide you to see what problems you should solve.

Exercise is a great way to relieve stress. Just make sure you're physically able to do it. It's not a good idea to exercise when you're too tired. Do some exercise you can handle, and enjoy the moment of sweating, letting negative emotions escape your body with the sweat. Exercise produces a lot of dopamine, so it will make us feel happier.

Singing, dancing, painting, and other methods can also be tried to find a method that suits you, so that you don't always feel stressed. It might help to look at the same thing from a different mindset.

I hope my answer helps the person who asked the question. Best regards,

Hello, dear question asker!

After reading your account, I can understand how you feel. I love cats very much, but my parents said they would either stew them or drop them to death. The house was rented out by my mother, and I didn't get any rent. Every time I suggested going back to my own house to live, I was scolded. I'm sure you feel very upset. The questioner said he is 40 years old. As the old saying goes: "At 30, one stands on one's own feet; at 40, one has no more doubts; at 50, one knows one's destiny."

It seems like your mother still treats you like a child, which is totally understandable! It's not clear from your description whether she's holding your house for rent or if there's another reason why you can't live there alone. Did she buy the house, or did you buy it yourself? And have you lived alone before?

I'd love to know what reason my mom would have for taking it back and renting it out!

From what you've told me, I can totally understand how you're feeling. So, how can you adjust yourself? It's so important to express your own opinions!

It's so important to maintain financial independence first and foremost. Once you've got that down, your personality will naturally follow suit!

There's a saying that for an adult to maintain personal independence, the first thing to do is to become financially independent. When we think back to our childhood, when we depended on our parents for survival, did we mostly have to listen to our parents? Can you do without listening to your parents? But when you grow up, you can support yourself, do a good job, and are good in every way, and you don't need to be supported by them. They generally don't say anything anymore, and even if they do, you can just say no out loud, and then just keep doing what you like.

Plus, you're financially independent, so you can move out whenever you want. I totally get it. I'd probably do the same if I were in your shoes.

I'm sure you're wondering, "Right?"

2. It's important to learn to differentiate between your parents and your own views.

Have you heard of self-differentiation? It was proposed by Bowen, who was a really great guy who came up with a whole new way of thinking about family therapy. He believed that our behaviour is influenced by two different things: our emotions and our reason. The ability to self-differentiate is all about using our reason to override our emotions and find the best way to deal with the pressures we face from the outside world.

In a nutshell, self-differentiation is all about being able to stand up for yourself when you're dealing with the world, maintaining your inner independence when you're in different relationships, being open to external opinions, and being able to respond to your actions with a calm, rational mindset. It's a kind of self-reflective ability, an instinct to completely differentiate yourself from others.

People with a high degree of self-differentiation are usually pretty good at setting their own expectations and maintaining their own sense of autonomy. They understand that the world is their oyster and that they don't need to let others get in the way of their dreams.

3. Learn to let it all out in a reasonable way.

When you're feeling down, it can really help to write in a diary. It doesn't matter if the sentences are messy or not, just let it all out on the page! This is also a great way to let off steam, go for a run, play sports, or find someone to chat with online or make a good friend. If you bottle up your emotions, they'll eventually come out in other ways. So, there will always be disappointments in life, but you can learn to express your emotions in a healthy way.

4. It's so important to learn to communicate properly and to distract yourself when you're feeling frustrated.

I know it can be hard, but try to believe that your parents don't mean to make enemies with you. It's always worth trying to understand what their expectations are behind these actions. They may have a hidden agenda behind saying they'll drop the cat dead. Maybe only you know.

I totally get it. When someone threatens to damage our most beloved things, most of us will be angry. I can understand how you feel, but what could have possibly made your parents say such a thing, and what did they hope to achieve by saying it?

Learning to communicate calmly with your parents is a great way to grow up yourself first!

When our parents have a complaint, we should try to be understanding. We can focus on our work and hobbies. It's unlikely that our parents will change as they age, but we can learn to adjust ourselves. We can try to see the difficulties of our parents. We are still young, and we work hard. We focus on our work, family, children, and personal growth. Then our conflicts with our parents will become less and less.

The more you understand them, the more you grow, and the wider the path becomes!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker. I'm happy to answer your question. From what you've said, it seems like there's a conflict between you and your family. The way you've phrased it, it's clear that your parents are looking for a way to exert control over the family, not necessarily to find a solution. Their actions against you are meant to restrict your freedom and, in turn, the entire family.

In this state, it's fair to say that your parents are both a bit pitiful and infuriating. They want to control you to make sure they have a good future. They're not confident in their current state and need to feel secure by controlling you, which creates a kind of symbiotic relationship between you. You're unhappy, and it's pretty awkward.

It'd be a good idea to find a family relationship guidance consultant to help you sort out your parent-child relationship and clarify the boundaries between you. That way, you can live a more stable and happier life in the future. You and your mother are both adults, and you both need a certain amount of physical and psychological space from each other. You may have pinned all your hopes on the cat, while your parents don't understand these actions.

They might even get involved in your personal life by making things seem worse than they are. Professionals will work with you to find a way forward that suits everyone. They'll look for common ground while keeping your different views in mind. This will help you and your parents to get along better. After all, you have more in common than you think.

I'm thrilled to announce that I have a date for 1983! The world and I love you!

Good day, questioner!

I believe the question "Who is more important, the cat or the child?" really gets to the heart of the matter.

I believe the question "Who is more important, the cat or the child?" really gets to the heart of the matter.

I would be delighted to have a chat with you, and I hope it will be a little comforting and inspiring.

1. It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own perspective.

It may be the case that our conflicts with our parents are caused by the matter itself.

For instance, when you inquire of a cat or a child as to which is of greater importance.

Could you please tell me when and in what circumstances your parents ask you this?

Have you ever considered trying to understand what they expect from you?

How would others have described you as a child?

Everyone has their own way of evaluating things and their own view of the world.

Everyone has their own way of evaluating things and their own view of the world.

When we only look at ourselves from the outside, we may sometimes feel that others have a different perspective, which can make it challenging to understand and communicate with each other effectively.

Perhaps we could try to get back to ourselves.

As a suggestion, you might consider evaluating yourself.

For instance, one might consider factors such as maturity, interpersonal skills, work situation, friendships, state of life, hobbies, and so on.

Could you please share your thoughts on other aspects of life, apart from cats?

For instance, one might consider aspects such as marriage and having children.

You may wish to consider self-scoring.

Everyone has the freedom to choose their own way of life.

It would be ideal if you could be financially and personally independent.

For instance, even if we have a job, lack a financial plan, or have never tried living independently, our parents may not be entirely supportive of our decision to live independently.

2. We may unintentionally allow for some forms of PUA.

When we were younger or just starting out in our careers, we often found it challenging to navigate the dynamics of our relationships with our parents, particularly when we needed financial support.

As we mature, we find that we have a variety of approaches we can take when faced with such situations.

It's understandable that it can be challenging when we haven't had the opportunity to try it before and don't have much experience with it.

Even though we may feel uncomfortable with this, it's important to remember that we also contribute to this dynamic in some way.

If we can identify PUA, we have the option of saying no firmly when faced with it.

In some families, it is not uncommon for a girl to work and contribute a significant portion of her income to her parents, yet her parents may not fully acknowledge this or respond with criticism.

It is also not uncommon for girls to experience self-doubt.

If we recognize that it is a relationship that makes us uncomfortable, we have the option of changing it and finding a way that suits us better.

For instance, "My mother is still withholding the rental income from my house, and she has not yet provided me with the rent or the property deed. When I have asked to move back in, she has become quite upset." This situation may be causing you some discomfort, but have you ever considered why she is so against it?

Could financial considerations be a factor here?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you have made any efforts to achieve this goal yourself.

As an alternative, if your mother is not in agreement, you could consider renting a place for a short time, taking care of your own life, and demonstrating your determination.

In many cases, it seems that the mother may have difficulty accepting the child's separation.

As a child, one may place a greater emphasis on the concept of separation, while perhaps overlooking the importance of symbiosis.

In some cases, the relationship may not be as balanced as it could be.

It is possible that if parents always make the decisions, children may lose some of their autonomy.

Perhaps the key to making a change is to start with ourselves.

Perhaps we could try to become stronger inside, take more responsibility for ourselves, and try to understand ourselves better while also trying to understand them.

It would be beneficial to understand that without your cooperation, they cannot implement the PUA.

Perhaps the key is to affirm our self-worth, love ourselves, and not negate ourselves just because of what our parents say.

It would be beneficial to find ways to take care of your emotions.

If you feel comfortable doing so, please feel free to share these.

I wish you the best of luck!

Perhaps we could offer the OP some consolation from afar.

From what the questioner has described

I must say that I do tend to prioritize cats over children. If a child gets scratched, it's often seen as their own fault. Parents may become upset, ask me to comply, and even cut off contact. My mother has even held back my house rental, not paid the rent, not given me the house deed, and scolded me if I've expressed a desire to live on my own.

I would like to offer some words of advice to the original poster.

Could I ask whether the questioner feels that you treat your children in the same way as your parents treated you? It seems that, for you, the cat is more important than the child. In some ways, you have inherited your parents' way of educating you, and at the same time you feel some resentment towards them for it.

On the one hand, your parents have chosen to withhold all your assets and do not give you complete freedom.

In some ways, I empathize with your situation. However, it seems that you have become somewhat constrained by your circumstances.

It is not uncommon for our lives to be constrained by the influence of others. Our formative years are shaped by our parents, and it seems that yours are still affected by theirs.

Secondly, it seems that you may not currently have the opportunity to break away from your original family and find your own life. This could potentially be an issue in itself.

It can be challenging to determine the right or wrong approach to family matters. It's not always easy to distinguish between what is and isn't the best course of action.

One thing, however, is certain: our parents brought us into this world, yet they do not have complete control over us.

We are individuals who have the capacity to make our own choices and to come and go as we see fit.

Hello, question asker. I can sense the hatred in your heart, but I disagree with your actions. I am a psychological counselor intern. I will analyze your situation and give you straightforward advice. I have a few questions for you.

First,

You have your own house, and the title deed is in your parents' hands. I want to know how you got the house. Did your parents buy it or did you buy it together? Did you pay the full price or did you take out a loan?

Secondly,

I need to know whose child is the child in your narrative. Is it your child? Or is it the child of a sibling who has angered your cat and got caught?

I need to know how old the child is. And you need to be able to restrain yourself.

Third

If you think your parents are asking you whether your child or your cat is more important, and you think your cat is more important, then I want you to answer me this: will you still say without hesitation that your cat is more important?

Tell me, are you angry that the cat is more important than the child, or do you truly believe that the cat is more important than the child?

Fourth,

Your parents' views differ from yours because of the era in which you lived. It's understandable that you love cats. My children also love cats and we have two of them. I'd like to ask you directly: do you take care of the cats yourself or do your parents help? You said you are almost 40 years old. I don't know if you are a man or a woman. Based on my guess, if you are almost 40 years old and still living with your parents, the probability of you being a man is relatively high. For now, let's just analyze this matter as if you were a man!

Fifth

Your parents are wrong about cats. In those poor, backward times, cats were used to guard grain and catch mice. Children were not important.

Cats are for loving. They're your pets, and you want to shower them with all the love you can. They just need to come to you when you're unhappy, rub against your arm, and ask for a cuddle. That's all they need to do. They're your emotional support.

You don't communicate, you don't know each other's needs, and that leads to frequent misunderstandings and conflicts. This needs to change.

Sixth

House 6 is yours. You handed over the house deed to your parents because you felt they didn't share your views and couldn't live with you under the same philosophy of life. You felt they acted like an unruly child, but if you think about it, they interpreted you the same way. How could they let go of their "bear child" and live on their own?

7th

You say you have no hope in life and hate your parents. This kind of mentality appears in half of all children going through puberty. I can tell you for sure that 95% of children will have this kind of mentality. Compare your own psychological age to your actual age. How slowly has it developed?

This is why. Your parents have given you all their love selflessly, which is why you are almost 40 years old but still have the mentality of a teenager. They were wrong to give you their love so selflessly and to let you grow up so slowly.

8th

You need to find out where your parents spend the rent on your house, what you do for work, how much money you earn, and whether you have to rely on the rent from the house to make ends meet. They also need to stop threatening you with what they will do to the cat if you don't give in.

If you can compromise, you can keep your cat. I understand your parents' feelings. They're on the verge of a breakdown, so when they get emotional and say harsh things, it's only natural.

This proves you were not rational at the time. You were also in an emotionally sensitive moment. Did your parents treat you this way when you were a child?

Ninth

Think about what I have analyzed above rationally. If you still cannot change your way of thinking, and if what I have said is only a guess at best, then you need to make an appointment with a counselor or family therapist to help you.

You will find happiness soon.

First of all, I want you to know that I feel the same way as I see what you have been through. You need to know that I'm here for you and I'm giving you a hug.

Your parents have made you a little helpless, and this has led to a loss of hope in life.

I understand that.

But at the same time, I can see your strength. You are trying so hard to find the light and liberation. You asked this question here because you know you can find the answers you seek.

Believe that there is always a way for you to go, and that you can always go that way.

You need to talk about your problems. You need to get them out of your system so you can recover.

I cannot analyze each specific problem, no matter how much I explain to you here.

The truth is the same, and once you understand it, you can solve any problem.

This is the truth. It connects everything. There is nothing outside the mind. All suffering comes from the mind. You are the source of everything. Solve the problems in your mind, and the problems in the outside world will be solved.

This is the same as a common understanding and the meaning of empathy.

I'll give you an example. Prove it.

Take any example you like.

You say the cat scratched the child, and you think the child was in the wrong. I say you are right because the child did not play with the cat, so the cat could not have scratched the child. The other person says you are wrong because if you did not keep a cat, the cat would not have scratched the child.

So, is it right or wrong?

Let me be clear: there is no right or wrong. Everything in the world just happens, the product of cause and effect. Stand from a different perspective, and you will see different sides and different perspectives.

It is one thing, it is a whole. Different perspectives lead to different views.

Over time, the sides can also be interchanged. For example, although your cat didn't die this time, it is possible that next time it will be you or your child who gets scratched, resulting in either you or your child getting rabies. What was once considered a good thing is now a bad thing. So, it is a bad thing.

It depends on how you look at it. It could be a different perspective or a different time.

The truth is that all worldly phenomena are illusory and born of the mind. You simply need to not look at them, not define them, and not judge them.

Without right and wrong, you will not pursue them, cling to the right and hate the wrong. You will not suffer. You will be at peace and joyful.

Your question reveals an overwhelming anger at the way your parents treat you. They provide you with food but withhold your house in a way that you find disgusting. They rent out the house and don't give you the rental income or the house deed. Whenever you ask for it, they scold you. You feel that you have been cheated by your parents.

This makes you feel tired and even hopeless about living, and you hate your parents.

You need to ask yourself: where does this resentment come from? You're almost 40 years old, and your parents still won't let you go and live on your own.

You own your house. You live with them, and they are about to boil your cat and throw it away, which hurts you even more.

Your parents are responsible for this deterioration in your relationship.

They are holding on to your house and not letting you rent it out for money. You are useful to them in this household.

They can treat you badly because they are your parents and have a moral advantage over you. Our culture emphasizes filial piety, which allows them to act this way.

But it's clear that this isn't entirely your parents' problem. You're almost 40 and have your own house. Have you ever considered living independently?

If you are determined to live independently from your parents, you can solve the housing problem. Consult a professional. There are many ways to solve the problem of your parents withholding your house deed.

You expressed your anger and asked them to scold you when you wanted them to. You stopped insisting.

From these circumstances, it is clear that the psychological separation between you and your parents has not been completed. From the perspective of family systems theory, every family is an emotional unit.

If your family has not yet separated, your parents' emotions are likely to be easily provoked by each other.

I feel sorry for you. It's tough being almost 40 and not being able to leave home and live independently.

Your parents don't seem to be particularly friendly towards you. In situations like this, you can go within and ask yourself:

You need to decide what kind of relationship you want with your parents and what kind of life you want for yourself.

If you are financially independent, you can live your life your way.

You are almost 40 years old and perfectly capable of living independently. You also have the right to decide on your own lifestyle.

From your presentation, it's clear that you've dealt with your parent-child relationship through arguments and conflicts in the past. It's time for a different approach.

Tell them you've grown up, you can take responsibility for yourself, and you need to live independently. If the house is owned by you alone, tell them you have the right to dispose of your property.

Pay attention to what you really want. Become aware of the patterns in your interactions with your parents. You will discover something different.

I am confident that this will be of assistance.

Good day, landlord.

From your description, it is evident that your parents exhibit a lack of understanding and acceptance of your individuality. Their actions indicate a desire to control and limit your autonomy, which is understandably frustrating. The emotional impact of such circumstances is significant. It is natural to feel weighed down and suffocated in such an environment.

It is understandable that you would feel tired, depressed, angry, and powerless in such an atmosphere. I empathize with your situation and want to offer my support. Firstly, I would like to extend my support to you in the form of a hug.

You have provided two specific examples. One is when your parents compare your cat to your children and ask you for an answer. You use the term "bear children" to describe their temper tantrums and unreasonable state.

In this instance, the parents are not acting in the capacity of parents. They have adopted a childlike mentality and are seeking affirmation from adults. They are intolerant of differing opinions and resort to childish threats. These actions and words indicate a deep-seated fear, even terror, of your independence and separation from them.

They are so afraid that they are attempting to maintain control over you, preventing you from becoming independent and forcing you to remain in their care.

Your inclination is to engage in a significant dispute and sever ties with them. I perceive this to indicate that you are contemplating such an action, but have not yet taken action.

At that moment, in addition to these thoughts, you may experience feelings of anger or hatred. I would like to invite you to consider what is preventing you from taking action on your thoughts.

The second issue is that your parents are withholding your house deed, withholding your rent, and forbidding you to move out. This is effectively the same pattern and purpose as the previous situation. You are stating that you are almost forty years old.

(I have reached an age where I should be permitted to become an adult.) In response, your parents have demonstrated a lack of interest, which has led to feelings of resentment.

Given that all lives have the potential to develop and grow, it is understandable that you would feel frustrated when this opportunity is denied you. I would like to offer you a further hug.

You are unsure of the best course of action to take to extricate yourself from this situation. It may be that you feel guilty about completely severing ties with your parents.

It is important to note that every child is loyal to their parents. Even in the face of mistreatment, a part of you may still love your parents.

In order to extricate yourself from this situation, it would be advisable to distinguish between the different degrees of filial piety. My own approach is to treat my parents with the respect and consideration befitting their status as my elders, while also maintaining my own identity as an individual with my own social roles and responsibilities.

It is also important to take care of yourself and consider your own needs in addition to those of others. Distinguishing between these needs and achieving a balance may be an effective approach.

I hope the above is helpful. I wish you a speedy recovery and the best of luck.

My dear,

If you could live your life over, what would you choose? Would you rather be a cat or a human? When you choose between being a cat and a child, your parents are also projecting their emotions. Between parents and children, apart from being related by blood, an emotional connection is also needed.

If there's only support, that's great! But when there's an emotional connection, you'll experience a complete life.

We are a carbon copy of our parents, and our parents are a reflection of our future. This means that parents, especially Chinese parents, usually have a more critical than equal relationship with their children. This is because they pin their hopes for the rest of their lives on their children, and this is why they have the desire to see their children become successful. The deeper the love, the more severe the criticism. If those expectations are not met, or there is nowhere to vent, that longing will be projected, and it may even become distorted.

As the original poster said, you chose a cat over a child without hesitation, but your parents couldn't understand or agree with you. So, their expectations, which couldn't be fulfilled, became castles in the air, and the distrust was just a product of this kind of mental projection. And when you turned 40, your parents still couldn't trust you with their house, which was a testament to this distrust.

If you want to find a way to bridge the gap with your parents, it can help to try to put yourself in their shoes and learn to find a balance between your own personality and being compatible with others. It's understandable that you want to be true to yourself, but it's also important to consider how your actions affect those around you. After all, we live in a time where we're used to having a lot of choices and being able to think for ourselves. This can sometimes lead to a tendency to prioritize our own desires over those of others. For example, the owner of the house probably has different considerations when it comes to choosing a cat instead of a child. This is just one example of how our individual perspectives can sometimes create blind spots in our thinking.

We can't ask others to cross their no-man's land, but we can choose to move closer to them and find ways to "seek common ground while reserving differences."

No parents in the world are perfect, and this may be a bit harsh, but it's true that most parents do love their children wholeheartedly, even if their methods and attitudes may be difficult for their children to accept. It's like potatoes: if they're cooked in a big pot, they're home cooking; if they're from KFC, they're fast food; and if they're a French meal, they're haute cuisine. The huge difference between these is not just the ingredients, but also the method and craftsmanship. Therefore, when dealing with parents, acceptance is the foundation, and it's important to calmly understand their thoughts and ideas. Through exploration and communication, you can find a suitable distance for both sides to get along, and this may be a win-win situation.

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. They're the two ends of the emotional spectrum. Human emotions are very subtle. We often easily forgive strangers for their transgressions, but we sometimes find it difficult to forgive those close to us for their harm. It's not a matter of the degree of severity, but rather a need to balance our own expectations.

We don't have any expectations of strangers, so what they do doesn't really matter to us. But our expectations of those close to us are so obvious when they're met or not met. This is often expressed as a sense of relief when expectations are met, or of devastation when they're not. But the truth is, things aren't as good or as bad as we think. It's just our own emotions playing tricks on us. So the hardest thing in life is to accept the ordinariness of our parents, ourselves, and our children.

It's amazing how much good karma it takes to get in the same boat or even to share the same pillow and sleep together! And yet, we, the product of sleeping together, are not even more deeply bound to our parents?

There's no reason not to treat this short few decades of life well and let each other be at peace! It's good to let your parents' expectations be put at ease. If not, there's no need to go to extremes with your parents. After all, you share the same bloodline and are connected by blood. There's not much true love in the world. Even if you're already like a hedgehog, you might as well find a way to embrace each other and keep warm together during your trials with each other.

I really hope you can find a way to balance yourself, and even more so, I hope you can find a new balance with your parents. I really, really hope you can be happy for the rest of your life.