What if they have poor self-care skills, are slow to respond and easily anxious?

Hello. You were anxious at the anxiety/exams-are-coming-up-soon-at-the-start-of-school-i-am-especially-anxious-how-can-i-alleviate-my-stress-10514.html" target="_blank">start of school. You were nervous about facing unfamiliar surroundings and interacting with local relatives.

But it might be because you think you're worse than your friends and you're shy and not good enough. Your sister and mum have also made you feel like you can't cope on your own.

To relieve anxiety, try not to view yourself as an examiner. Instead, be your own best friend, encouraging and accompanying yourself on your journey of growth.

Everyone grows up in different environments. Some people take care of themselves and their families since childhood. Others have always been cared for by their families and will develop different habits of self-care and interpersonal skills. These differences are brought about by life experiences. There is no value standard of right or wrong.

This kind of difference is usually more obvious when you first enter society. You can learn it slowly later.

You said you want to gain experience. This is a good reason to start slowly. You can learn by doing little things in your daily life, like household chores, tidying up, getting to know your school, and exploring your surroundings. You can also try asking a classmate to go with you. You can also do some extracurricular activities at school. This can help you relax after studying for exams and connect with others.

Also, you worry about being judged by relatives, so you feel constrained about what to say and how to say it. Think about it this way: when you communicate with others, do you really pay attention to every word they say?

You won't deliberately pay attention to, judge, or pick fault in most situations. For daily communication, it is enough to just be polite and respectful. You can also listen more, ask appropriate questions, and you don't always have to talk a lot.

You don't have to learn self-care and interpersonal skills right away. You can learn them slowly, just like you would learn anything else. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Be your own best friend and recognize your own strengths.

I'm here to help!

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can tell you're anxious about the upcoming semester. But you're also aware and have come here to ask questions and find solutions.

You describe yourself as a junior preparing for postgraduate entrance exams, but you feel that you may always feel different from others. You have described in detail your governance and interpersonal skills. You are well protected by your school mother, and you know that you will be accepted by others at home.

I can sense your anxiety. It's likely that you're feeling uneasy about living with relatives after the start of the school year. Is that correct?

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. You may have negative emotions and self-doubts because of certain details. Family members may also influence you. They may see how others interact with others and communicate with others. They may see how others take care of themselves. This can make you feel like you are not doing well in these areas.

This is normal. Everyone has an inferiority complex, but some people show it more obviously than others. Some people use their strengths to hide their weaknesses and inferiority complexes.

Your confusion is likely due to your family's protective nature and lack of experience with housework. This is not an issue, as you will gradually gain this knowledge through life experience.

This interpersonal relationship is related to our personality and educational environment. Some are born with it, but it can be developed regardless of personality. When you become aware of it, that is the beginning of your change. As long as you are willing, you will lead the lifestyle you want!

I want you to imagine that a miracle has happened and your discomfort has disappeared. What kind of lifestyle would you have? You need to decide what you're going to do to make the miracle happen.

If the miracle happens, you'll be different, but you'll still be you. Who will be the first to notice the change in you?

Based on your description, I have some suggestions for you that I am confident will help.

First, adjust your mindset.

I understand how you feel. We all feel anxious or uncomfortable in difficult situations. But you can calm your mind and adjust your mindset. Take deep breaths, talk to someone, and write in a diary. These methods will help you face your challenges bravely. You may not achieve this immediately, but you will. Be patient and aware. You are on your way to a life you love.

Second, seek out positive experiences.

Don't dwell on feeling uncomfortable about starting school and having to stay with relatives. Instead, look for positive experiences. Think of some good, normal aspects in these unhappy things. This will help relieve your emotions and give you the strength to take the first step bravely.

Then, learn to look within yourself.

Nothing in life is useless. Sometimes it's just how we feel, but that's not necessarily true. Everyone has a different perspective, so it's important to focus on how we see ourselves, not what others say. What kind of person do we want to be? If we want to change, we must learn to look within ourselves and find our own strengths. When faced with confusion and comments from others, we can accept them calmly and move forward.

Believe in yourself.

Our personalities may play a role in our lack of confidence. We tend to label ourselves. When others say something to us, we become sensitive and insecure. We must learn to believe in ourselves. This is not blind faith. It is a positive belief that we can believe in ourselves and that we are the same as other people. If others can do it, we can do it too. When we feel different from others, we must believe firmly that we can do it and keep moving forward.

Seek help from a professional counselor.

Our character is sometimes cultivated from an early age, which is great when we become aware of it. However, if you can't adjust it yourself, you should seek help from a professional counselor. They will use professional techniques to deepen the roots of our subconscious, develop our potential, adjust our perceptions, and create a safe and inclusive environment for us, so that we can grow with strength in this environment!

From your description, I can see you have the makings of a great analyst. You're also wise to be aware of yourself. Since you're taking the postgraduate entrance exam, we need to adjust our mentality. We can do this through self-suggestion or by seeking our own experiences. This will help us do better on the exam. Of course, through continuous growth and self-improvement, we can also lead a relaxed and carefree life.

Good day, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to you today to inquire about a matter that I believe may require your expertise. I am a question asker, and I would like to request your assistance in analyzing the following

After reviewing your question and accompanying details, I am able to offer the following suggestions for your consideration:

[Family Growth Influence]

The questioner described the situation of being the youngest child in the family, which has a certain impact on their growth and development.

Psychologist Adler posits that the impact of birth order on children is largely reflected in differences in psychological development.

The minimal pressure of the growth environment means that they do not have to bear too much family burden. They are also psychologically accustomed to not wanting to take responsibility and are highly dependent, as they feel that their family members protect them too well.

[Establishing Intimate Relationships]

The questioner describes himself as "introverted and very self-conscious." He states, "I feel like I have nothing to say with them, and I'm afraid to speak casually for fear of saying the wrong thing. I always feel awkward whenever I speak."

It is challenging for individuals in their third year of high school to form close interpersonal relationships and communicate effectively.

In accordance with Erikson's psychosocial development theory, there may be a period of role confusion during the process of establishing self-identity.

[Understanding role confusion]

Role confusion is defined as an inability to correctly understand oneself, one's responsibilities, and the role one assumes.

This manifests as an inability to select a role in life, engaging in behaviors that are incongruent with the role they are expected to fulfill, and ultimately leading to a withdrawn demeanor and other negative thought patterns and behaviors.

It is therefore recommended that you adjust your perception over time, strengthen your rational self-perception, and reduce the negative emotions of anxiety.

[Establish development goals]

Based on the above analysis, it is recommended that the questioner promptly enhance their self-awareness, particularly with regard to their identity.

Additionally, you may wish to consider allocating time to gain a deeper understanding of psychology and enhance your self-awareness.

As you are already in your third year of university, you may wish to consider your future career development and clarify your current personal development conditions, development orientation, development direction, and development measures.

By establishing clear goals, confidence is increased and feelings of powerlessness and helplessness caused by inferiority are reduced.

[Maximize your individual strengths]

As the questioner indicated, there is a preference for solitude and independent work.

It is recommended that the questioner identify suitable opportunities to leverage their personality traits that value autonomy and embrace risk-taking.

During this process of trial and error, you will gain valuable insights into your own capabilities, develop your strengths, accept your limitations, and build your self-confidence.

Improve self-confidence and interpersonal relationships.

I hope you find the above information useful.

Hello, I'm Xintan Coach Feiyun. 2023 will be happy.

You feel anxious about facing real life. You need to learn to be independent and autonomous. You will have to break away from your parents' protection. This makes you feel anxious. You think about the future and worry you may not be able to cope. Let's share and discuss.

?1. You're aware now.

Awareness means looking at yourself with a third eye to see your patterns: behavior, emotions, and thoughts. Being detached is like a video camera reviewing the past.

You've realized that your parents' overprotection has made you feel incapable of living independently. It's affected your confidence in yourself and the future.

You think you're not good enough compared to others when it comes to living alone and relationships. You use others as a benchmark, which is good because it helps you find direction.

However, it can also lead to you thinking you can't do things because you think you're not good enough. Being aware of this can help you rebuild confidence.

You can do it too. It just takes time and experience. You can do it now or in the future.

?2. Everything that happens is helpful.

A positive attitude helps us find solutions. What's a problem depends on our mindset. Let's look at an example.

As a university student, you have a great chance to learn, exercise, and put your knowledge into practice. University life is a bit like a small society, which will help you prepare for entering society.

Schools are safe places, and you have relatives and parents to support you. If you have problems, your relatives and family can help.

You can achieve both "attack" and "defense." The next key points are:

Get understanding and support from your parents.

Tell your parents how you feel. Don't get upset or complain. Just say what you think and feel. Meet your needs in a way that is fair to them.

2) Make a plan.

You don't know how to do things at first. Make a plan of what you want to achieve, such as cooking, cleaning your room, or making friends.

Once you start, the rest is easy. There are many helpful books like this one. You can learn from them to achieve self-care and high emotional intelligence.

I hope this helps. I love you.

Click "Find a coach" to continue communicating and grow with me one-on-one.

Dear student, Thank you so much for inviting me to answer your question! I really appreciate your trust. From what you've said, I can tell that you're feeling a bit confused about something. Let's explore it together!

1. I'm currently a junior, preparing for postgraduate entrance exams. I feel like I'm a bit behind my peers, especially when it comes to self-care and interpersonal skills. I've been feeling really anxious lately and don't want the semester to start.

First of all, I want to say that you are great! You found the goal of taking the postgraduate entrance exam in your junior year, which is so impressive. It is very good that you have your own ideas. I know that taking the postgraduate entrance exam is much more difficult than taking the college entrance exam, but you can do it! The college entrance exam has an environment and atmosphere, while taking the postgraduate entrance exam is relatively more lonely, as you only have your own self-discipline and the support of a small group of people who believe in you. You can handle it, which is great and admirable.

Self-care skills: You're the youngest child in your family, so they've taken good care of you! You've never been to a place alone (mainly because you're a little afraid to ride a bike on the road).

It's so great to have someone to protect and love you! I'm really happy for you. It's wonderful that you're growing up in a loving family. Going somewhere alone is a different matter from being afraid to ride a bike on the road.

It's totally normal to be afraid to ride a bicycle on the road because of all the other people and pedestrians around. And it's okay to feel that way for a while. But there are so many other ways to get around these days, like buses, subways, and taxis. So, if you're still feeling nervous about riding a bike, that's okay! There's no need to stress.

As for going somewhere alone, there's really no need to worry. It's not a necessary life skill. You might even start working one day and then you'll hear an online marketing promotion and just go on a spur-of-the-moment trip, just hanging out by yourself. There's no need to worry too much, sweetheart.

I think your definition of self-care ability might be a little high. In my opinion, being able to dress, eat, do laundry, and walk by yourself and act according to your own will is self-care ability. You have all of these abilities, and you've been studying in Wuhan for three years!

2. When choosing a university, your mother let you choose a place with relatives (Wuhan), and coupled with the school closures due to the pandemic in the previous two years, you haven't had much experience of going out into the world. You actually quite want to stay in one place on your own and work hard, but your mother is always worried.

It's great that you're studying in a city with relatives! It's always good to have someone to look out for you, especially in case something big happens. What kind of experience are you referring to?

Have you thought about doing an internship or volunteering?

It's totally understandable that you're feeling cautious right now, especially with the pandemic and schools being closed. It's natural to want to prioritize safety, but I just wanted to remind you that there are ways to stay safe while still having fun and trying new things! You can experience new things anywhere, even if you're staying in.

You'll be great at handling roommate relationships in the dorm! And you'll get so much out of participating in student council activities at school and being able to organize well. But are you thinking too absolutelely about the experience?

You have set the bar pretty high for yourself, haven't you?

You've set your sights on taking the postgraduate entrance exam yourself! It's a big step, but if you're up for the challenge and ready to give it a go, you can start preparing for it this semester. You can start with small things, like tutoring or handing out flyers.

3. Interpersonal relationships: You feel that your problem mainly lies in your interactions with your relatives in Wuhan. Although the parents of the two families are very familiar with each other, you have had little contact with them since you were young, and you are also introverted and have low self-esteem. In the past few years, before going to their house, you have to prepare yourself mentally for a long time, mainly because you feel that you have nothing to say with them, and you are afraid to speak casually for fear of saying the wrong thing. You always feel that every sentence you say is embarrassing, and you always think: they must think you are terrible. And according to your sister, she feels that you are very wooden and dull, and your reactions are not sensitive...

It seems like you just don't feel comfortable when you hang out with your relatives, and you can't get along with them. I'm sure you communicate well with your classmates and teachers, though!

Otherwise, how come you're only in your third year of university?

It's totally normal for introverts to be slow to warm up and find it more difficult to open up. It's nothing to be ashamed of! Plus, you and your relatives didn't live together originally, and there wasn't much overlap in terms of environment and living habits. It's only natural that you don't click with each other when you grew up and didn't get to know each other!

And if the other person is an elder, not your peer, it's totally understandable that you won't have anything to say. As long as you're polite and answer others' questions properly, without being cold or rude, that's all that matters!

There's absolutely no need to demand that you be all-around perfect! When you go to your relatives' house, they'll probably just invite you to dinner and chat about the latest news. During dinner, you should praise the cook's cooking skills and thank them for inviting you. You can also politely ask about their health and other things, and that's about it!

Don't worry about it too much! Your sister might say you're awkward, but that's okay. We all have areas we're not as good at, and you'll be great when you get to your area of expertise.

4. I'm really anxious about going back to school the day after tomorrow. I can understand why you'd feel that way too. It's natural to imagine the worst about what's about to happen. The good news is that some things are just in your head, and the real situation may not be as bad as you think.

Why not use the event at your relatives' house as a little experiment? Just think through the scenario of you going to your relatives' house in your mind, and then think about the most embarrassing conversation you think they will say. Or you could put together all your previous embarrassing conversations, and then think about your response at the moment, thinking of one for each. Then, when you go to your relatives' house this time, test to see if it has all happened, whether it is really as awkward as you think, and whether the things you rehearsed have happened. I'd love to hear how it goes!

Relax, enjoy your college life, graduate from college, and succeed in the postgraduate entrance exam. You can still go ashore and hide in the ivory tower for a few years if you want to. But if you fail the postgraduate entrance exam, you'll be beaten by society, and that will be even more difficult. So enjoy your college life now!

Dear student, I am Duo Duo Lian, and I hope my reply can be of some help and support to you.

I'm currently in my third year of university and plan to take the postgraduate entrance exam. It seems that your current challenges lie in your self-care abilities and interpersonal relationships. In the future, you may find yourself facing many things on your own. However, with continuous experience, you will gradually be able to improve your self-care abilities and interpersonal relationships.

Given the loving and protective environment of your small family, it's understandable that you might have felt a bit uneasy about going to college in a city where your relatives lived. While this decision may have seemed like a good one at the time, it's possible that it didn't fully align with your needs. It's natural to feel a bit self-conscious in front of those we love, and it's something we all have to navigate at some point in our lives.

Interpersonal relationships, and also a microcosm of the link with your parents. It would be beneficial for you to recognise this issue as a starting point for change. Previously, your parents' demands may have led to feelings of denial and a lack of confidence in yourself. This is also a topic that your parents may benefit from reflecting on. A lack of parental security can affect children. Parents cannot accompany their children for life and may unintentionally pass on their worries to you.

It would be beneficial for you to connect with your parents and let them know that you have grown up, can be independent, have your own ideas, take care of yourself, take responsibility for your life, and would appreciate their support and respect. You might also consider rebuilding a sense of security and worthiness, learning to love yourself, meeting your own needs, accepting your own imperfections, affirming and appreciating yourself, and finding yourself.

You will be proud of the things you have done. It would be beneficial to visualize and affirm yourself. Youth is full of infinite possibilities, and it would be advantageous to consider the collision of wisdom between people. Just as when you give a speech on stage, you may experience some worry and apprehension. After countless rehearsals, you may find yourself looking forward to the speech and feeling less concerned. Then you may be able to break through and face it head-on.

It is thought that external recognition may drive an increase in internal motivation.

You are already a junior in college, and it is an exciting time to start thinking about your future path. It is important to remember that you are the one who can make your future happen, and that it is shaped by your own actions. The collision of wisdom between people also lays the foundation for you to enter society. Everyone has something to learn from you.

I believe that mutual help, mutual support, and solidarity will pave the way for your interpersonal relationships. I also believe that there are no limits in life, whether it is self-care ability or interpersonal relationships. With your continuous breakthroughs, I am sure that there will be changes.

I hope things work out for you.

Hello, my child. I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

From what you've shared, it seems like you're very honest with yourself and can objectively describe your own state of mind, which takes courage. Seeing is the beginning of healing. You feel the need to be independent, but your mother is always worried. This might also be why you're hesitant to "spread your wings and fly high."

It might be helpful to consider that our feelings of anxiety and fear in interpersonal interactions may stem from a tendency to care deeply about other people's comments and opinions. This concern about the opinions of others could potentially reflect a lack of self-assurance or self-acceptance. When we feel internally stable and have a sense of inner strength, we may find it easier to navigate social interactions with less fear and more natural ease.

If I might offer you a suggestion, it would be this:

It may be helpful to remember that self-care skills can be cultivated, and that we will eventually need to become independent.

It might be the case that, deep down, you long to be independent. However, because your mother is worried, you may lack confidence in your ability to be independent. Nevertheless, we will all eventually leave our parents behind, establish our own space, and become independent.

Independence can entail facing challenges and difficulties on one's own, but it also offers the opportunity for greater freedom and choice.

While our parents were not present to support us during challenging times, we were fortunate to have the love and strength they gave us to draw upon. I recall that when I first went to university, my father was understandably concerned when I left for the province. I was able to adapt to university life, and when I returned home for the National Day holiday, my father was reassured to see that I was taking good care of myself.

I was also quite fearful at the time, but I was fortunate to be surrounded by people of a similar age who could provide support and encouragement. I also had the opportunity to enhance my self-care abilities through mutual learning and assistance with friends.

It is important to remember that just because you are unable to do things for yourself now, it does not mean that you will not be able to in the future. In addition, it is inevitable that we will eventually need to be independent. The sooner you become independent, the more capable you will be of facing the challenges and difficulties in life in the future, and the more freedom and choices you will have. It is essential to have confidence in yourself. Only when you believe in yourself will you truly become what you want to be.

2. With regard to interpersonal relationships, it would be beneficial to learn how to handle other people's evaluations in a constructive manner and establish an internally stable evaluation system. This will help us to remain unaffected by external evaluations.

We all have our own unique perspectives and standards.

When others meet our evaluation standards, we tend to like, recognize, and support them. Conversely, when they do not meet our evaluation standards, we may find it challenging to like, recognize, and support them. Similarly, when we meet the other person's evaluation standards, the other person is likely to recognize us. However, when we do not meet the other person's evaluation standards, the other person may have a harder time recognizing us.

It is therefore important to remember that whether or not the other person recognises you has little to do with you, but rather whether you match their evaluation standards. However, we cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, and it is not always possible to meet everyone's evaluation standards.

Life presents challenges to us all. We all have different desires and find ourselves in different circumstances. There is no need to measure yourself against other people's standards, to expect others to align with your standards, or to seek universal approval for your actions.

It is not necessary to sacrifice ourselves to gain the approval of others or to maintain relationships. It is important to accept that people will have different opinions about us, and that we will be liked and disliked by different people. The key is to be comfortable with who we are, and to live our lives according to our own values and beliefs.

It's important to remember that we don't live to meet other people's expectations. If we keep seeking other people's approval and caring about what they think, we might end up living other people's lives. If we hope too much to be recognized by others, we might live our lives according to other people's expectations and lose sight of who we really are. This could lead to some challenges, as it might not be the life we truly want.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider taking the right to evaluate yourself back into your own hands. You might find it beneficial to treat yourself as someone else and evaluate yourself comprehensively, objectively, and truthfully. This could help you to know yourself better and know yourself well enough. You may also find it useful to know what you want. When you have a stable evaluation system within, other people's evaluations may become less important.

At that time, even if someone offers a less than positive assessment, you will be able to maintain your perspective and not be unduly influenced by their comments.

3. Please share a few helpful tips for managing social anxiety.

It might be helpful to make an exit plan.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to consider the possibility of developing an exit plan in advance. When we encounter a situation that makes us very nervous and fearful, our first reaction will generally be to flee. At this time, if we have

When we encounter a situation that makes us feel nervous or fearful, our natural response is often to try to avoid it. Having an exit plan in advance can help us feel more in control and alleviate our anxiety.

If we are sure that we can leave safely and know how, for example, how we will tell our relatives that I am leaving at a certain time and in what context, we may feel less anxious.

It may be the case that feeling less anxious is more likely if we are prepared and know what to expect.

It might be helpful to pay attention to other people and the environment.

In social situations, it is not uncommon to find ourselves focusing all our attention on ourselves, worrying about not acting appropriately, not dressing appropriately, or not speaking appropriately. This can often lead to feelings of discomfort and anxiety. However, if we shift our focus to other people, for instance, by looking for familiar faces, listening to conversations, or taking in our surroundings, we may find ourselves feeling more relaxed.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you might try acting it out and feeling it.

This is a mental imagery exercise. It may be helpful to imagine yourself as a celebrity who can communicate with others freely. At this time, you are playing someone else, not your true self. Even if you make a mistake, it is someone else's fault.

It may be helpful to consider that letting go of the burden could contribute to a sense of calm.

I hope you can find the strength within yourself to overcome challenges, to grow and develop, and to nurture your social skills. I believe that with time and dedication, you will become a confident individual, capable of taking care of yourself and navigating interpersonal interactions with ease.

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a considerable degree of anxiety/senior-year-psychological-compulsion-fear-of-the-voice-of-a-specific-person-headache-and-nervousness-29767.html" target="_blank">nervousness and anxiety. The imminent commencement of the academic year will necessitate your interaction with your relatives once more, which is likely to be a source of considerable stress.

First and foremost, it is commendable that you have achieved a clear understanding of your current state and the underlying reasons for it. This is undoubtedly the most crucial step.

Awareness represents the initial stage of the change process.

The subsequent phase is the resolution of the issue. It is advised that the attempt to address all problems simultaneously be avoided. Instead, a gradual approach, incorporating incremental alterations, is recommended. The following methods are provided for reference:

1. With regard to self-care ability, the only issue mentioned was the fear of riding a bicycle on the road. This problem can be solved in approximately one week.

On the initial day, the individual should attempt to maneuver the bicycle onto the roadway and then proceed to push it along for a designated period of time. If the individual is able to successfully navigate the bicycle along the roadway without encountering any difficulties or feelings of nervousness, the task has been completed.

On the following day, the individual should push for a period of time, then proceed to ride up to the bicycle and slide on their feet. Upon completion of this action, the task is considered finished.

On the third day, the individual should first attempt to slide for a period of time. If they are not experiencing any feelings of nervousness, they should then attempt to walk while riding the bicycle. If they are able to ride the bicycle for a period of time without any feelings of nervousness, they have successfully completed the task.

In the subsequent days, incrementally extend the distance and duration. It is recommended that you attempt this, as you may discover a transformed version of yourself.

Additionally, one may consider undertaking minor tasks, such as washing a single load of laundry, organizing a small section of the wardrobe, preparing a basic salad, and so forth.

2. With regard to interpersonal relationships, the subject only mentioned interactions with relatives. The subject reported feelings of inferiority in the presence of their relatives and an associated fear of saying the wrong thing.

The core idea is that the subject believes that their relatives view them as a morally deficient individual.

The question thus arises as to whether this assumption is a reflection of one's own perception or a genuine belief held by one's relatives. In the event that an attempt is made to communicate with one's relatives, a statement such as the following could be made: "In fact, I feel inferior in their presence."

"I am reluctant to engage in communication due to concerns about potential missteps."

Naturally, it requires considerable courage to make such a statement. However, if one does so, it can result in a profound sense of relief.

Furthermore, the feedback from one's relatives may also be unexpected. Another potential strategy is assisting one's relatives with various household tasks.

Such tasks as washing dishes, washing vegetables, taking out the trash, and cleaning the room could be undertaken. Would you like to try?

It is my hope that this response has been of some assistance. Best regards,

Hello. I'm Zaijianqin. I'm happy to help.

You feel inferior to your peers in terms of self-care and interpersonal skills, which has caused anxiety about the start of the school year. You don't want to go back to school. I hope my answer can help.

1. Problem description

I'm the youngest child, so my family has protected me too well. I've never been alone in a place (I can't ride a bicycle on the road). My mother let me choose a university with relatives (Wuhan). Schools were closed for two years because of the epidemic. I didn't go out much.

I want to work alone, but my mom is worried.

I feel I'm bad at self-care. I'm the youngest child and have never been alone. I followed my mother's advice and chose Wuhan, where my relatives live. I can't go because of the epidemic. I want to stay and work hard, but my mother doesn't agree.

I have a problem with my relatives in Wuhan. My parents' families are close, but I don't know them well. I'm shy and have low self-esteem. I prepare for a long time before going to their house because I feel like I have nothing to say. I'm always embarrassed when I speak, and I think they must think I'm terrible. My sister says I'm dull and unresponsive.

She is afraid of interacting with her relatives in Wuhan. She feels that she has nothing to say and is afraid to speak casually. She feels awkward in communicating with others. She thinks that her relatives will think that she is terrible. Her sister thinks that she is dull, unresponsive, and insensitive.

How can I reduce my anxiety?

Be brave and stop labeling yourself.

You have labeled yourself with two tags: poor self-care and poor interpersonal skills. You use your life experience to confirm these labels. The first task to reduce anxiety is to lift the spell of the labels.

You say you have poor self-care skills, but you have studied in Wuhan for three years, taking care of everything by yourself. You have never been to a place alone, but you have lived in a city alone for three years.

I followed my mother's advice and chose a university in a city where relatives live. Having relatives there will do you more good than harm.

You couldn't go out and gain experience during the pandemic. It's okay now that it's over. You can start gaining experience if you want to, as long as it doesn't affect your professional learning.

I want to work hard on my own, but my mother doesn't feel at ease. Talk to your mother about this. You will probably have to work hard on your own, even if you stay in your current city or go back to your hometown to work.

It's normal to have nothing to say when you've had little contact since childhood. As long as you're sincere and kind, you don't need special communication skills or to be overly demanding. The purpose of communication is to express your thoughts and understand the other person's.

Mistakes are okay. Speak up and correct your misconceptions to improve your interactions with others.

Seeing the good in yourself

Anxiety is caused by expectations and the fear of disappointing others.

The title only mentions your weaknesses. From the text, I can see the following strengths in you:

You analyze the root cause of your anxiety and explain it in terms of your self-care and interpersonal skills. You clearly express your thoughts and provide examples.

You will respect your mother's opinion when choosing a university and choose the city she suggests.

You think about how your mother would feel if you worked hard alone. This shows you are a good child.

You are prudent and practical. You are careful in what you say and do, and you don't boast. Every word you say is well thought out.

I hope this helps. Best wishes.

Good day, my name is Gu Daoxi Fengshou.

As someone who has transitioned from student to working professional, I can empathize with the questioner's sentiments.

My parents also expressed concern about my decision to attend university in a city where they were employed. I initially resisted their advice but ultimately relocated to that city. I had not anticipated that after I moved there, my parents would change their employment location, leaving me in an unfamiliar city to live independently.

The reason for the questioner's unease is as follows:

1. I am reluctant to ride a bicycle on the road. In fact, after attending school, there are numerous transportation options, and riding a bicycle may not be the sole viable choice. It is possible to reach any desired destination without riding a bicycle.

A colleague of mine is similarly unable to ride a bicycle, yet this has no impact on her ability to get to work or shop.

2. The questioner wishes to visit an unfamiliar city, but her parents are not comfortable with the idea. What is the source of their unease?

3. How is the questioner adapting to campus life? My sister indicated that you are unresponsive and lack engagement. Could you please clarify which specific aspects she is referring to?

Given that the questioner has been accepted to university, it is evident that their reaction ability and IQ are sufficient to meet the demands of the college entrance examination.

4. The questioner feels awkward with his relatives and feels like there is nothing to say. This is a subjective feeling. Has the questioner attempted to inquire with his relatives if they feel similarly? All subjective feelings are self-perceptions. It is recommended that the questioner objectively verify whether this feeling is real.

From the questioner's description, it is evident that they feel inferior to their peers and awkward communicating with their relatives. However, it is important to note that these feelings are subjective and may not accurately reflect reality. The adage "If you say you are OK, you are OK, even if you are not; if you say you are not OK, you are not OK even if you are" highlights the importance of feelings and emotional perception.

A positive self-perception will result in a positive self-evaluation, while a negative self-perception will lead to a negative self-evaluation. Furthermore, negative feelings are often amplified more than positive feelings.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to be aware of this.

Will my lack of proficiency in riding a bicycle impact my academic performance? If not, can I disregard its significance?

It would be beneficial to communicate with your mother. Is she concerned about your ability to thrive in an unfamiliar environment, or does she believe you lack the capacity to manage your own affairs? If you can demonstrate that you are capable of not only taking care of yourself, but also excelling in that role, will she feel reassured?

The questioner feels uneasy in the presence of relatives due to concerns about making inappropriate remarks. It may be helpful to consider that your parents are well-acquainted with these individuals, and therefore, any missteps on your part may be overlooked.

Will they hold you responsible? Will your superiors criticize you?

If neither of the aforementioned options is feasible, it would be advisable to attempt to relax to the best of your ability.

The questioner may feel awkward in their relatives' house due to a lack of topics of conversation. However, this can be addressed by cultivating a few key topics. For instance, the questioner could inquire about the relatives' hobbies and interests. This allows for a starting point for conversation when visiting the house, ensuring that the questioner will have the opportunity to engage in lengthy discussions. Even if the questioner is unsure of what to say, they can be open and express their nervousness about saying the wrong thing. This can help to release emotions and, on the other hand, even if the questioner makes a mistake or doesn't say anything, the other person will understand.

If you are able to communicate effectively with other students and teachers, you should have no doubt about your abilities. The fact that you and your relatives do not have any common topics of discussion is simply a result of your differing social circles. If you do not feel comfortable in these kinds of gatherings, you have the option of choosing not to attend. I am confident that your parents will understand.

- Gain an objective understanding of your strengths and weaknesses by seeking feedback from trusted colleagues. Avoid self-perception biases and focus on your areas for improvement.

- Address the underlying cause of the family's lack of confidence. When parents see that you have independent capabilities, it will alleviate their concerns.

It is important to avoid being overly self-deprecating and negative. Believing in your own abilities and positive self-talk will help you to feel more confident. When you feel confident, you will shine.

The above represents my personal opinion for your consideration. Best regards,

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

Your family has taken good care of you. You've never been alone, even though you're in college. You chose to go to college in a city where you have relatives.

They're trying to protect you.

But this protection is holding you back. You want to live your own life, but you're stuck. Let me share my views.

You are now a junior and have to live independently. You also have to prepare for the postgraduate entrance exam and enter the workforce. These are all things that will happen in the next few years.

If you're unsure about coping with these things, it's normal to feel anxious.

You said your mother is always worried and there's nothing you can do. You also said you can't take care of your own physical needs. You're now a junior, which means you enrolled in 2019.

How did you handle your first semester at university?

You have to take care of your school life by yourself. This means going to classes, buying food, going shopping, and socializing with your classmates.

You didn't mention this stage of life, so I guess you coped quite well. School is a small society where you have to deal with different people. The fact that you can cope shows that you are actually more capable of taking care of yourself than you think.

This is your solution to the problem. For self-care, just follow what you did before.

You should talk to your mother about your visits to your relatives in Wuhan. You can say you have to study, take exams, or go to club activities. You can even say you got stuck in traffic or had an emergency. Your mother can't watch you all the time, even though she is far away. Understand her concern, but also give yourself a chance to breathe. If you go a few times and can't go to your relatives' home, and you are doing well in your own life, your mother may feel better about you.

Mothers worry about their children. My child is almost 10 and didn't start riding the elevator alone until fourth grade.

Their school is across from ours. You have to cross the road and walk along a busy street to get there. She has never gone to school alone. She says she is afraid to cross the road.

The road has heavy traffic, and during rush hour, cars and electric bikes cause traffic jams. I'm not confident about letting her go alone.

We're all afraid to let her try. We've seen a girl in the same grade go to and from school by herself, but my child is afraid to do it. We'll just have to wait and see.

It's normal for your mother to worry about you. She's always protected you, so she doesn't know how to let you act independently.

If you want her to feel at ease, show her you can take care of yourself. Otherwise, she will worry because she has no experience and you haven't shown her you can take care of yourself.

Think about if your mom is worried about you for other reasons besides you being the youngest and having been protected since childhood. Is she worried about your sister?

How do they get along? Kids born in different orders often have different personalities and get different amounts of attention from their parents.

You can find out if your mother is just worried about you or if there are other issues. This is to see how your relationship with her is.

Talk to a counselor. Universities have counseling services.

Your worries may not have one simple answer.

I'm a counselor who is both Buddhist and pessimistic, but sometimes positive.

Hi, I'm June.

I understand your anxiety about returning to school and leaving home to face things you're not good at. Many people feel this way, and it's normal.

I'm the youngest child, so my family has protected me. I've never been to a place alone. When choosing a university, my mother let me choose a place with relatives (Wuhan). The epidemic situation in the previous two years closed the school. I didn't go out much to gain experience. I want to stay in one place by myself and work hard, but my mother is always worried.

You have been happy since childhood, protected by your family. The sense of security brought by this companionship should be comfortable. Otherwise, you may have refused long ago.

When you went to university, you were on campus during the pandemic. You met more classmates. You saw that many were self-reliant, while you could do little for yourself. You felt ashamed and inferior.

You wanted to work hard on your own and exercise. I think you are very brave.

I don't think exercising self-care skills and being away from home are contradictory. Independence is more of a mindset. As long as you are independent inside, you will have your own ideas and gradually improve your self-care skills.

I feel my main problem is with my relatives in Wuhan. The parents of the two families know each other, but I don't see them much. I'm shy and have low self-esteem. In recent years, I've had to prepare for a long time before going to their house.

You don't feel much pressure leaving home to go to school. Visiting relatives is more difficult because there is no common language.

Your parents probably wanted you to go to your relatives' house because they hoped that you would be taken care of. It was more about them feeling better than actually looking after you.

If you can prove your parents don't need to worry, they won't trouble their relatives. If you trouble someone, you owe them a favor.

For reference only. Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry.

As a healer, I will begin by offering you a comforting embrace. How should I proceed if I lack effective self-care skills, respond slowly to situations, and experience anxiety frequently?

We are all individuals with unique challenges and strengths. No one is born with complete knowledge. The ability to manage oneself in this environment is not about inability to complete basic tasks, but rather about factors such as interpersonal relationships and emotional intelligence. Based on our upbringing, the overprotection of our family members has led to an overreliance on external support, which hinders our willingness to take initiative and causes concern about potential mistakes. The cumulative effect of years of this is poor manual dexterity, limited critical thinking, a straightforward nature, and a temporary reduction in the level of thinking and communication. From a human perspective, individuals rely on the relationships established in the community. The success or failure of communication between people depends more on the understanding of the matter. The reason why individuals perceive themselves as inadequate in every aspect stems from a decrease in their sense of security and a setback in their self-confidence.

I am currently a junior in college, preparing for postgraduate exams. However, due to concerns that I am not keeping pace with my peers in terms of self-care and interpersonal skills, I have been experiencing elevated anxiety levels and a reluctance to commence the upcoming semester. It is widely acknowledged that low self-esteem is a common phenomenon. From the earliest stages of development, individuals receive encouragement and praise from their parents and teachers for their achievements. Over time, this fosters the development of self-confidence through a series of incremental successes.

Individuals have unique perceptions of their surroundings and values. While it is not our intention to compare ourselves with others in every aspect, the environment we are in can be perceived as a competition. If we consistently compare our weaknesses with others' strengths, it hinders our ability to succeed. By focusing on our strengths and leveraging them effectively, we can improve our performance. However, there is a distinction between self-care and self-care. Self-care is self-help in life, while self-care is psychological care and healing. When we experience prolonged frustration, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. This, in turn, affects our self-care ability. We may hear comments such as "You are not capable of doing this," "You are foolish," or "Why don't you understand what I'm saying?" These words can evoke feelings of resentment and inferiority, which can result in a narrowing of our perspective. When our perspective narrows, we may feel that we are unable to succeed in any endeavor. This, in turn, can indirectly impact our interpersonal relationships and communication skills. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, interpersonal security is a significant challenge for many individuals in the modern era. Despite having known each other for years, there may still be a lack of understanding between two individuals. Parents, who have nurtured and raised us for an extended period,

In particular, when one finds oneself in a crowded setting, the sheer number of individuals can evoke feelings of unease. When confronted with the reality of returning to academic pursuits, the initial response in many cases is one of distraction.

He will be required to interact with numerous individuals and circumstances that he is reluctant to engage with, which will undoubtedly prove challenging and potentially lead to a resistance to change.

Self-care ability: As the youngest child in my family, I have been afforded a great deal of protection and have never had the opportunity to develop independence. When selecting a university, my mother allowed me to choose a location with relatives (Wuhan). This decision was influenced by the challenging circumstances of the first two years, during which the university was closed and I had limited exposure to the outside world.

I prefer to work independently in a quiet environment, but my mother is always concerned and there is little I can do to reassure her. Most people are influenced by their family of origin, and this can have a significant impact on their upbringing, personality, approach to problems and values. As the youngest child, I received a great deal of love from my family, which meant that they protected me too well, like a flower in a greenhouse. This lack of experience in key aspects of my self-growth has led to a lack of resilience and patience. Resilience is not about being outstanding, but about having encountered many setbacks and becoming unyielding. Patience is not about having a good temperament, but about having experienced many unforgettable events in one's life. Similarly, if a person does not work hard and pay their dues, they will face more challenges in the future.

Interpersonal Relationships: I believe that the primary source of my difficulties lies in my interactions with my relatives in Wuhan. Despite the close familiarity between the parents of both families, I have had minimal contact with them since I was young. Additionally, I tend to be introverted and have low self-esteem. In recent years, I have had to prepare for extended periods before visiting their house, primarily due to a lack of topics of conversation and a fear of making mistakes. I consistently feel awkward during these interactions and often perceive that they view me negatively.

My sister reports feeling dull and unresponsive. I am scheduled to commence my studies the day after tomorrow, and I am experiencing considerable anxiety. There are numerous individuals who are capable of verbal communication, but only a small number who are adept at interpersonal communication. The effectiveness of communication depends on the smooth flow of information and the ability to convey the intended meaning in an appropriate manner. If the recipient of your communication does not understand the meaning you are trying to convey, it is ineffective. This is true in any context, including with family members. However, they may not point out the shortcomings in your communication because they do not want to offend you by being accommodating and tolerant. This may result in a positive emotional response, which may mask the underlying problem for years. The same dynamic may occur with other individuals, who may also listen to you selectively. Based on your situation, I have a few suggestions for you to consider:

The only constant in the world is change. The first step to adapting to your environment is to change yourself. If you are willing to step outside of yourself, you will be able to navigate the world effectively. If you are not willing to do so, you will remain constrained by the world.

When problems can be solved remotely, we utilize distance as a solution. Distance fosters creativity and understanding, and it also prevents arrogance. If distance is not an option, then time is. Time is a powerful tool for problem-solving because it can see through human nature more effectively than the eye.

Regardless of one's capacity for self-care or the fluctuations in interpersonal relationships, the influence of the family remains an unavoidable factor. There is a multitude of perspectives, each as valid as the next. What one individual perceives may differ from what another individual understands. If self-care is an internal factor constrained by external conditions, then interpersonal relationships are an external factor constrained by internal conditions. Attempting to change external factors is a challenging endeavor. Only by addressing internal factors can one truly effect change. This process is akin to breaking an egg from the inside, which is a more profound change than breaking it from the outside. It is essential to learn from others, to interact with individuals who are more experienced than oneself, and to collaborate with others to foster growth.

That warm ray of light will surely illuminate the way home. Please note that suggestions are for reference only. We are all connected in this global marketplace. Best regards!

You want to improve your social skills and fit in better. In this exchange, we'll focus on how to improve your communication skills.

Communication is inevitable. I have encountered many social problems that require communication to be better handled and resolved. To improve social skills, we must pay attention to the following three aspects.

First, get people to like you.

Human relationships are like air: they're always around us. We're often moved by a person's look, words, or gesture.

One sentence can change your life.

1. Be sincere. Don't say "I don't know" or "I don't understand" when chatting with others.

Sincere communication brings us closer.

Learn to praise people. Don't just say "great job."

Praise what the other person cares about.

3. Listen more. Listen to other people to build trust and understand them better.

4. Find a solution that benefits everyone: In communication, find a solution that benefits everyone.

5. Be patient. Listen to others to avoid misunderstandings.

6. Express yourself well. Use the right language and say what you mean so others understand.

7. Make suggestions: Think creatively and make new suggestions to reach a consensus.

2. Learn to communicate well.

Misunderstandings and barriers often arise in communication. Good communication skills help us obtain information and knowledge. They also make us more confident and popular.

Communication is both an art and a skill. It's not easy, so pay attention to these five things.

Personal qualities

First, understand yourself. Know your strengths, weaknesses, and interests. If you can't do something, know why.

Then you can create an improvement plan. Second, you need to understand others.

Learn more about others to make up for your shortcomings. Understand the situation and purpose of the other party's unit or organization.

To win, you need to know yourself and the other person well. Understand who you are and who they are. Then you can communicate with them effectively.

Some people think communication is a social skill, but I don't. It also involves other abilities and qualities like confidence, sincerity, and kindness.

2. Personality

This includes extroverts and introverts. Extroverts are good at communicating with others, while introverts like to be alone. Before communicating, understand which type the other person is.

3. Managing emotions

Some people get angry when communicating. To avoid this, you need to control your emotions.

If you're always emotional during communication, you can't truly connect with others or solve problems. Learn to control your emotions to gain communication advantages.

4. Communication skills and methods

Communication skills are important. Pay attention to communication etiquette, especially when speaking with superiors. Here are some tips:

Make it easy for the other person to understand. If they don't understand, it will be difficult to continue.

Use simple language.

Use more neutral words.

Use words like "I" and "we can do this" to show respect and indicate you're discussing.

(5) Don't interrupt others. Show respect and listen.

(6) When interrupted, say "Please wait a moment..." and let the other person continue. Then respond and praise. Show appreciation for others.

5. Cooperates well

People with a cooperative spirit can work with others easily and treat them as partners.

A good communicator treats others as partners, not enemies. This is an attitude of equality.

To succeed, we must work together. Even the best can't do it alone.

3. Quick ways to improve eloquence

Read more.

Reading is a good way to learn and improve your knowledge. So if you want to improve your eloquence, read some good books.

Eloquence requires knowledge. Read books on presentation skills to improve.

Books like "The Pyramid Principle" and "Speech and Eloquence" are great books on eloquence.

2. Practice public speaking.

Public speaking can help you improve your speaking style and techniques.

Pay attention to these issues in your daily life. When you have problems, correct them.

3. Pay attention to your expressions and attitude.

Pay attention to your tone and attitude when you speak. If it's too harsh, the other person will feel uncomfortable.

If you're too casual, they'll think you don't take them seriously.

We need to change how we speak. We can speak more slowly, speak firmly, show respect, and pay attention to other details. These are all things that help us express ourselves well.

You're in your third year of college.

You lack confidence in yourself and others, so you're anxious about returning to school. I understand!

What makes you anxious?

You feel you're worse than your peers, especially in self-care and social skills. Have others had this feeling?

You say your family has protected you for too long. You want to gain experience but haven't had the chance. You seem helpless about your mother's worry.

If you want to work hard, going back to school isn't the best option.

You're anxious about this. Are you really struggling alone?

You say that socializing with your relatives makes you feel stressed. It seems that socializing makes you feel uncomfortable, and your family gives you negative feedback, which may have affected your confidence.

You resist socializing with your family, but you feel like you have to. It makes you feel stressed.

Find the cause of your anxiety.

Your family makes you feel bad about yourself and it's hard for you to deal with them. What makes you anxious?

You say your family overprotects you. You've never been anywhere on your own, and your mother is always worried when you want to gain experience. What's your attitude towards this protection?

Adults over 18 can decide if they want to go out alone. It seems like you don't have that right. Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever wanted that right?

Have you ever fought for this right?

Your mother has arranged for you to go to school in the city where your relatives live, presumably so that they can look after you. You will be visiting regularly.

It's normal for young people to be reluctant to deal with unfamiliar elders. If you feel pressured to socialize, it's okay to make excuses, do so half-heartedly, or forget about it.

You feel pressure to visit regularly and give feedback to your family.

But you let this pressure turn into anxiety, right? It's because you have to follow your family's instructions, give feedback, and be judged by your family.

What's making you anxious? Is it a lack of ability or autonomy?

Deal with anxiety.

If you can understand your feelings, you can solve your problems.

You can try making your own decisions. Family protection and your mother's worries are good for you, but you are already an adult. This kind of love should not replace respect.

Anxiety often comes from fear of the unknown. When you feel in control, you're less anxious about things like starting school again.

Next, accept yourself and give yourself time to grow. Everyone takes awkward first steps when learning to be independent. It's okay to take that first step, even if it's late.

Practice self-care and social skills. You can learn with experience. If you're not good at these things, don't worry. You might be great at other things. Find what makes you shine and learn to do it well.

You can try new things and learn from your mistakes. Life is rich and colorful, and you can make the most of it.

I'm Teng Ying, a counselor. I hope this helps!