What if you encounter a particularly manipulative colleague and you are always in a disadvantaged position?

Greetings. It appears that you have encountered a work-related situation in which those who are adept at communication and persuasion may not necessarily be the most effective or capable individuals. This has led to some challenges for you.

One might contend that the "cunning and manipulative" work style is not aligned with one's personal values and may even elicit feelings of resentment. When an individual with mediocre professional ability gains tangible benefits due to their ability to perform well and utilize rhetoric, it can potentially impact one's values and lead to feelings of resentment, stiflement, or anger.

Conversely, comparing oneself to this individual may evoke feelings of self-doubt and criticism when examining one's own attributes. What was initially a personal trait, namely a dedication to hard work and a lack of proficiency in expressing oneself, may now be perceived as a liability and a challenge that one is powerless to overcome when confronted with the exemplary performance of one's colleagues.

This aspect of the challenge to self-confidence may be a significant source of pressure.

To effectively cope with these pressures, the initial step is to recognize and affirm one's own strengths. This can be achieved by sorting and recording them in various categories, such as professional knowledge, performance, work attitude, learning ability, and so forth. This process allows individuals to identify their inherent advantages and areas for continuous improvement. These strengths represent an invaluable inner quality and ability, which cannot be taken away by external factors.

One must not allow oneself to be influenced by the opinions of others, whether positive or negative. It is important to remember that one is not working for others, nor is one striving to outdo them. One can be one's own boss and comrade-in-arms mentally, and one can gain firm strength by focusing on one's own sustainable growth.

Furthermore, the workplace is populated by a diverse array of individuals and circumstances. One can attempt to disengage from the situation and adopt the role of an observer. While this colleague appears to be thriving with his approach, it is essential to consider whether all those who have flourished within the unit share his disposition.

It is also important to consider whether there are alternative opportunities that could facilitate career progression, or whether they are merely opportunities for personal growth. Once these factors have been taken into account, it is possible to determine the most appropriate career path.

From others, what can be learned, and what should be avoided?

In dealing with this colleague, it is advisable to be as objective as possible. It would be beneficial to apply a "filter" to the information presented in conversations, focusing on the key issues and disregarding the rest.

While it may be challenging initially, this is a skill that can be developed and refined over time.

Good day. My name is Zhang Xianli, and I am a licensed psychological counselor with 12 years of experience. I hope that my response will prove helpful to you.

Your description presents an image of a colleague who is adept at formalistic work and is perceived as being overly arrogant and even somewhat malevolent. It is evident that his approach to work not only causes you discomfort, but also evokes a similar response from other colleagues.

What is the optimal approach to fostering a positive working relationship with a colleague who exhibits such behavior?

First and foremost, it is not incumbent upon you to facilitate his maturation. It is the divine will that he be vanquished; he must first be rendered insane.

I would like to recount a brief anecdote for your consideration. A child who was being bullied sought counsel from his father. After gaining an understanding of the situation, the father advised the child to "not be afraid of him" and to "learn to fight back" if the bullying occurred again.

It is crucial to convey a sense of fear in order to diminish the bully's perceived power. The child inquires of his father, "Should I not instill a sense of fear in him?"

The child inquires, "Shouldn't I make him afraid of me? What if he bullies me again?" In response, the father expresses deep concern and asserts that he will protect the child. He further states that if the child is bullied again, he will notify the teacher.

If the child displays fear, the bully will perceive himself as powerful and will continue to behave in an aggressive manner. This will ultimately result in the bully facing consequences for his actions. As an example, the bully in question grew up to experience significant difficulties in life.

Such examples can be observed in real life.

His fatal flaws were his inability to work hard and his lack of humility, courtesy, and respect for others. It was inevitable that he would experience setbacks.

Therefore, when he oppresses you, as long as he does not encroach upon your fundamental principles, allow him to engage in whatever behavior he desires, so that he feels like a significant figure. Just as a balloon will inevitably pop if it is overinflated, everything in moderation is the fundamental tenet of Chinese philosophy.

If, at this juncture, you engage in reasoned discourse with him and permit him to learn the value of courtesy and humility, you are facilitating his growth. It is sufficient for you to pursue your own course of action in a consistent manner.

It is not necessary to educate the individual in question on the appropriate manner of conduct.

It is essential to cultivate one's inner self and raise one's self-esteem.

The manner in which this colleague interacts with others can have a detrimental impact on one's self-esteem. In particular, the attitude and tone of voice used when communicating can lead to feelings of disrespect.

In life, I will also encounter such individuals. However, I will never define or evaluate myself based on the way they treat me.

Furthermore, it is imperative to refrain from engaging in confrontational or argumentative interactions with this individual. There is an old Chinese proverb that aptly captures this sentiment: "Better offend a gentleman than a villain."

The manner in which others treat us is a matter for them, but our own perception of ourselves is a matter for us.

In instances of personal discomfort, it is essential to reflect on the methods employed to establish and maintain one's self-esteem. Do these methods entail exerting verbal control or actively affirming oneself and confirming one's self-worth through perseverance and effort?

Securing a verbal victory in an argument may prove to be a transient triumph, potentially resulting in further contention. Cultivating an internalized sense of self-worth represents a sophisticated psychological capability.

It is my sincere hope that my response will prove beneficial to you. The world and I extend our deepest sympathies to you, and we will be at your side throughout this challenging ordeal.