What if your personality is too soft? How can you reason with someone without affecting your relationship?

On occasion, it is evident that one is in the right, yet there is no recourse to speak up. It is as if one's roommate, deskmate, or other individual possesses something desirable. However, it could have been shared, yet the other person is reluctant to share, preferring to monopolize it for themselves, despite the fact that one has consistently shared with them.

This can also reflect one's tolerance and generosity. One is inclined to share one's positive experiences and, conversely, to avoid sharing negative experiences. This avoidance may be accompanied by feelings of guilt and unease. There may also be a tendency to ingratiate oneself.

Such behavior may be attributed to past familial experiences wherein the family espoused a rigid set of expectations. This formative upbringing has shaped the individual's current disposition. Additionally, instances of misbehavior, whether deliberate or inadvertent, are not uncommon.

As long as he is in the wrong, he should be held accountable. It may be a trivial matter, such as a dropped pen, but regardless of whether it was an inadvertent act or not, she must make the necessary adjustments. It is imperative that we examine these current circumstances more closely.

It is preferable to elucidate the desired course of action, to persevere in silence, and to acknowledge that failure to communicate will inevitably result in a lack of resolution. One may also attempt to convey the matter in a tactful manner, for instance, by stating, "I have already shared it with you. Would you kindly reciprocate?" or "Do you believe this is insufficient or excessive?"

Alternatively, one can gain insight into a classmate's character by engaging in frequent questioning.

It is important to ascertain the values of the other person in order to determine their suitability as a friend.

Ultimately, one can inquire of the other in a tactful manner, attempting to make the inquiry more comprehensive. Prior to this, one had shared a considerable amount with the other, indicating that one had already conferred a great deal of benefit upon the other.

However, it is also important to recognize that not everyone will necessarily reciprocate, as some individuals may not prioritize such gestures. Additionally, it is crucial to acknowledge that some individuals may be more inclined to avoid confrontations, which can lead to a tendency to avoid addressing challenges directly.

Such a tendency may prove problematic in terms of future growth and problem-solving abilities. It is therefore recommended that the individual in question undergoes the necessary adjustments and psychological counseling.

It would be beneficial to discuss your recent state of mind. Additionally, it is important to consider whether you have previously exhibited behaviors that could be perceived as martyrdom, as well as whether you were in a negative emotional state. Have you been concerned that if you were to fall out with her, there would be no clear resolution? It is possible that she may have a different perspective on the matter. It is also worth noting that individuals may have different levels of openness to sharing. In the future, if you wish to share something, it is advisable to consider whether she would be a suitable recipient. You may wish to reflect on this matter and discuss your feelings with her.

Please clarify the meaning of ZQ.

Hello, questioner.

You want to share with others, but they don't share with you. It makes you sad and angry. I understand. I hug you.

I've also had this happen to me because I like to share. But if I share and people don't thank me, I think about why. I realize that I'm nice and I hope that if I'm nice to people, they'll treat me well. But people think differently, so even if we pay, we may not get nice treatment. This makes us think about ourselves.

Trying to please others is trying to make them think like we do. They won't think like we do. So we need to comfort ourselves. We don't have to please others to get them to treat us kindly. We can share with others if we want to. We can say no if we don't want to.

If your friends leave your things on the floor, you can tell them to pick them up. If they don't, you can pick them up yourself. Everything is a minor matter as long as it doesn't cause an emotional reaction.

If someone keeps crossing our boundaries, we have to learn to stand up for ourselves. We can be angry or say no. But we shouldn't put ourselves down. Learn to respect yourself, and others will respect you too. Believe in yourself and work hard!

I hope this helps.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and self-effacing, but I know who I am and I'm proud of it.

A long and comfortable relationship is not achieved by compromising.

From your description, it's clear you're a generous person who enjoys sharing good things with others. When you enjoy something on your own, you feel uneasy and a little guilty. This is a good quality, but being nice to others is a personal choice. You can't ask others to be nice to you.

Everyone's upbringing and family conditions are different. Some children are given better conditions by their parents. They have enough snacks to eat themselves, and they share with others. Some children do not have such good conditions, so they are reluctant to share their snacks with others. There must be a reason why our classmate is unwilling to share. We can understand more.

So when your classmate accidentally knocks your pen onto the floor, you get angry. You feel afraid of causing a conflict, so you reject your own emotional needs. But you know what, child? If you don't say anything, no one will know what you are thinking. If you don't say anything, no one will understand that you have a problem. If you express your needs, we will get along much better. There will be fewer conflicts.

Here's how to better balance your state of mind.

❀The deskmate is a very wonderful relationship. In the school class, we come into contact with each other the most, and it is also the place where friendships are most cultivated. For this reason, when we encounter problems, we must communicate, bring the problem to the surface, and solve it together. Only in this way can we get to know each other better and establish a more stable relationship. A good friend is someone who knows all your faults and is still willing to get along with you.

Communication is the best remedy for relationship problems. Everyone grows up in a different environment with different resources, so they see the world differently and cherish different things. This is why we must understand each other more to love each other more. Sulking alone and harboring grudges is detrimental to our growth.

With a little more understanding, you will find your own answers to many things. You will know why you should be angry and why you shouldn't. You will also be a little more open-minded, which will make you happier and help you study well. So, keep a good mood and you will find a solution. Speak up.

Best regards,

Hello, question asker!

I'm happy to answer your question. Social interaction is at the third level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which shows that it's an important instinctive need for humans. It's great that you're willing to spend time improving your social skills. Well done!

I'm happy to answer your question. Social needs are in the third layer of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which shows that they are important instinctive human needs. It's great that you're willing to spend time improving your social skills. Well done!

In social psychology, there's an important rule about how we interact with others. It's called the "Golden Rule": treat others as you would like to be treated. This is pretty straightforward. There's another "anti-Golden Rule," though: treat others as they treat you.

The reason it's called the anti-Golden Rule is that it's about imposing your will on others. If you follow this principle in social interactions and focus too much on reciprocity, it'll frustrate the person giving and cause problems in the relationship.

The reason it's called the anti-Golden Rule is that it's about imposing your will on others. If you follow this principle in social interactions and focus too much on rewards, it'll frustrate the person giving and cause problems in the relationship.

Let's go back to the dried fish incident. The difference between sharing and trading is that the former emphasizes altruism more while the latter emphasizes reciprocity. This is why sharing sounds more "noble" than trading. If the sharing behavior is based on "opposing the golden rule," its nature has changed, which leads to the questioner's psychological imbalance of "why?"

"I'm the kind of person who can't eat in front of her without sharing it with her without feeling guilty and ashamed."

This is a classic example of self-imposed moral bondage. The underlying logic is that I have to be a noble person, I have to be someone who is willing to share. Pursuing noble morals is a great quality, but if you force it, it loses its meaning and becomes a kind of "abduction."

Morality is all about altruism, while human instinct is driven by self-interest. These two forces are often at odds, so finding a balance between them is a great skill to have.

Let's think about this a bit more. If you were driving a luxury sports car and your friend was riding a regular bicycle, would you feel guilty? Would you want to give him your sports car?

No. Why? If you were the one riding the bike, would you resent the other person for not giving you the sports car?

I don't think so either.

"Another example is when she knocked over my pen, but she didn't pick it up because she felt that she had knocked it over when she turned over the table, not her. I was in the right, but I felt like I was in the wrong, so I didn't dare to force her to pick it up. I picked it up myself, but I was pretty mad and frustrated."

Everyone experiences lots of different things in their lives, from big events like weddings and funerals to small things like eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom. Since we only have so much energy and time, we usually spend different amounts of time on different things, ranking them in importance. Sometimes we even ignore things that aren't that important. If we treat every event as if it's important, it will make us physically and mentally exhausted every day. If you apply this way of thinking to your daily interactions with other people, it will make you seem like you're too focused on what you want.

"But I don't know how to reason without affecting the relationship. I really don't know anything about interpersonal relationships. I usually avoid communicating with people, and I'm really afraid of conflicts. I can't handle them on my own."

"But I don't know how to reason without affecting the relationship. I really don't know much about interpersonal relationships. I usually avoid communicating with people, and I'm really afraid of encountering conflicts that I can't handle on my own."

There are lots of different types of relationships: parent-child, colleague, friend. You can't make a generalisation. But the golden rule can help you get the most out of any type of relationship.

Often, our fear of dealing with conflict is caused by irrational beliefs.

Unreasonable beliefs mainly fall into three categories: absolute demands, overgeneralizations, and worst-case scenarios. For instance, I must never have a conflict with someone. Any behavior that causes the other person emotional discomfort is classified as a conflict. And once there is a conflict with someone, there will be very bad and terrible consequences.

The best way to deal with and resolve conflicts is through communication. Improving your communication skills can help you resolve most conflicts in your daily life. I recommend the book "Nonviolent Communication," which I think you'll find helpful.

I'm Xiao Dong, a psychological counselor. I hope you have a happy life!

Good morning, colleague. I can see the confusion you are facing right now. Please accept my support and understanding.

I empathize with your situation and want to reassure you that these are typical interpersonal challenges. Please accept my sincere support and understanding.

It is possible that you have experienced conflict in interpersonal relationships in the past, which may have led you to learn to suppress your anger and avoid confrontation.

However, in this world, those who are kind are often the victims of bullying, and I have experienced this first-hand on numerous occasions.

As you mentioned in your question, you requested that your classmate share her dried fish with you, but she declined, stating that she would take it home to eat. You felt aggrieved by this response.

However, it is worth questioning why she would share the fish with you. It is possible that she does not consider you a friend, merely a classmate.

Furthermore, the notion of a "weak personality" is a fallacy. The fact that someone has labeled your personality as such does not make it inherently negative.

Your classmate may be more accustomed to self-reflection, whereas you may already be attuned to considering the perspectives of others.

Since relocating to Shanghai six years ago, I have come to recognise that, while I am consistently focused on the needs of others, there has been a notable absence of consideration for my own priorities.

Since relocating to Shanghai six years ago, I have come to recognise that while I consistently prioritise the needs of others, there has been a notable absence of consideration for my own circumstances.

Previously, I was in a similar position to you, my colleague. When someone was reluctant to share their resources with me, I would experience a prolonged period of dissatisfaction.

However, after studying psychology on my own over the past two years, I have undergone a significant shift in my mindset.

I will be aware that there are three categories of matter: my own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven.

The aforementioned concept is derived from the book A Change of Heart.

If she is not willing to share, that is acceptable. She is not a relative, so there is no obligation for her to share.

It is also important to learn to express oneself tactfully.

As an alternative to simply requesting assistance in retrieving your pen, you could phrase the request in a different manner.

For example, you could say, "Excuse me, I accidentally dropped my pen and it seems to have fallen on your desk. Would you be so kind as to pick it up for me? Thank you."

If you phrase it in this way, your classmate may be more inclined to assist you in retrieving your pen. It is important to note that nobody enjoys being held accountable by others.

I am confident that you will find an effective solution to your problem in the near future.

I am currently only able to think of these things.

I hope my responses are helpful and inspiring to you, my colleague. I am the solution, and I study diligently every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and the entire world. Best wishes!