What is it about things that involve being accountable to others that I procrastinate?

Hello, question owner!

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling pretty distressed right now. I'm here to help you look within yourself and understand what this procrastination and unwillingness to face "others" is really expressing.

Procrastination is something that many of us do from time to time. It's totally normal! Even folks with mental health issues sometimes put things off.

Procrastination is totally okay! If there's no rush and no need to be super efficient, a little procrastination here and there is no big deal.

If it becomes a problem and there's a rush to meet a deadline, a time node, and an obligation to give someone an explanation, this procrastination might have some adverse effects.

For example, if your leader or boss isn't happy, the person who asked you to do something isn't happy, and most importantly, you yourself aren't comfortable and feel uncomfortable, you'll probably avoid it.

From a subconscious point of view, procrastination is a way our minds protect us from inner conflict and pain.

As you said,

If others are waiting for a response from me, or if I need to give an explanation to others, I'll naturally steer clear of anything that involves "others." And if there's a time limit for this kind of thing, I'll probably put it off even more. Deep down, I feel like it's "very troublesome and will waste my time."

It can be really tough to face "others," and that's okay! Our subconscious mind might choose to delay meeting with others to avoid any pain or difficulty.

This is just your mind's way of protecting you from pain, and it's a good thing! It's like a temporary Band-Aid for your heart.

But if you keep avoiding the problem, you'll eventually be alone and have to face it anyway. That's just part of your job, and the content of your job is to interact with other people, so you might as well get used to it!

The other person you really can't face may not be one of these people you encounter in reality. It could be an important other person in your subconscious that you can't face. This is someone who has had a significant influence on you since childhood.

It's totally normal to be afraid of being judged, not being loved, or even being abandoned by someone you care about.

As you mentioned, you're concerned about not doing a good job, the fear of being criticized, and the fear of being abandoned by the group. This is precisely how the significant other makes you feel. You've generalized these feelings of being criticized and abandoned, and expanded them to people in similar situations in your life and work.

Oh my, once bitten by a snake, afraid of the well rope for ten years!

Take a moment to connect with yourself. Who is this important other person in your life? How is your relationship with him?

I'd love to know how you got along! And it would be great to hear about your feelings for him, both good and bad.

Find this other person and untie the knot with him, my dear friend.

If there really is such a person, then what happened at the time made you have to face it in a delayed manner. But because you were so afraid, this way of coping became the only way you knew how to do things, and you became rigid and inflexible. I totally get it!

The situation is different now, so you can treat others in a whole new way that's more suitable, like leaders, colleagues, and counterparts.

Even if others have some comments, you can take them in your stride. If they're accepted, great! If not, you can simply explain and communicate to understand, eliminate any misunderstandings, and get the job done.

You'll be so happy to know that you'll stop acting like a child who is afraid of being abandoned if criticized.

I really hope this has been helpful for you!

Hello, questioner.

It is interesting to consider that if the subconscious mind could be so easily identified and quickly changed, then the counseling profession might not be necessary. Perhaps simply listening to different voices would be enough. However, the subconscious mind has so many counter-logics that cannot be understood or accepted by the conscious mind. This is why it might be helpful to seek the assistance of a professionally trained counselor to explore it. Many things that we take for granted in our conscious mind may actually contain the counter-logics of the subconscious mind's "hand of fate."

For instance, if you tend to falter in critical moments, it may not be because you don't approach them with sufficient seriousness, but because subconsciously you may feel that you don't deserve something more. This underlying influence can make even the most logical course of action seem ineffective.

Do you feel in control of the situation? Or do you feel like you're losing control?

It might be helpful to consider the paradox of control and loss of control from the perspective of interpersonal relationships. The sense of loss of control can be a useful control technique. How might you understand it? For example, procrastinating on something that is important to the other person (specifically unconscious, not playing mind games to entice), making the other person have to go at their own pace. This passive way of controlling the other person is often addictive, because one's "mistakes" are made "accidentally". Putting oneself in a vulnerable position might mean one will not be asked to take responsibility, which could drive the other person crazy but leave them with no way to deal with it...

Perhaps it would be helpful to explore how this pattern of using "showing weakness" to gain control developed. This is the question you mentioned involving subconscious exploration. There are many possibilities for its formation, such as not being allowed to express "no" during growth, or not being allowed to "be yourself" since childhood, or being heavily punished when "being yourself" and turning to passive aggression (procrastination, avoidance, cold violence, etc.) to express dissatisfaction.

It's possible that neither of the above scenarios accurately reflects your situation. If so, you might benefit from exploring what your current approach reveals about your unmet needs. If you feel it would be helpful, you can consider seeking the guidance of a counselor to gain a deeper understanding of yourself. With time and practice, you may find that you naturally develop the inner strength to navigate challenges without resorting to behaviors that may appear weak.

I encourage you to try your best.

Hello! I hug you!

Everyone procrastinates. Some procrastinate more than others. Psychology Today says about 20% of people consider themselves to have chronic procrastination disorder.

There are many reasons for procrastination. Some people procrastinate because they lack self-confidence, knowledge, or skills. According to Adlerian psychology, every behavior has a purpose.

People postpone things for many reasons.

You seem to be afraid of deadlines. In Chinese and English, a deadline means loss, cessation, or even death. You may have a bit of death anxiety.

Everyone has death anxiety. This is what psychoanalysis says.

You delay things to avoid death anxiety. You may have had an experience of being abandoned, which has made you defensive.

Procrastination can make time with someone or something last longer, make you feel less abandoned, and ease death anxiety.

I don't know your situation, and the above are just ideas.

How can you improve it? There are three ways to improve a behavior.

The first is a way of thinking about procrastination.

The second is an emotional approach, such as building up endurance and persistence. It's like I know I procrastinate, but I make up my mind to do the things that need to be done.

I hate cooking, but I have to do it when my kids are home.

The third method is to take action and see it through to the end.

There's a way to deal with procrastination that's not about fighting it, but going along with it. For example, if it's 3 pm on Friday and you want to know how long a task will take, do it at 2 pm.

This is based on controlling the time it takes to complete the task.

You can start from the explanation and work backwards to the time of the reply.

It's like writing a message in advance and setting a deadline for sending it.

I recommend the book End Procrastination, translated by the Douban procrastination group.

A group of procrastinators translated the book "End Procrastination." The methods in it are useful and target the problem.

Talk to a counselor if you have unfinished business.

I am a counselor who is Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, but I love the world.

Hello there.

Basically, procrastination is when you know what you want to do but can't do it for some reason. Often, this reason has to do with emotions.

Interestingly, studies using functional MRI brain scans have found that procrastinators have a larger amygdala and weaker connections between the amygdala and the anterior cingulate cortex (just a phenomenon, not a problem).

Simply put, when people are stressed, the amygdala triggers memories of negative experiences, which in turn triggers a fight-or-flight response. This response takes over from our ability to think about the long-term consequences of things, and can lead us to avoid important tasks at hand, which are now perceived as a threat to our safety.

From what you said, it seems like there are two main sources of pressure and threat for you:

One is the fear of what others will think, the fear of being criticized for being unable to handle a task, which leads to a fear of facing communication-related work.

Second, the fear of communication difficulties may lead to negative emotions towards communication interactions themselves. You might feel that your communication skills aren't enough to help you cope with different communication situations easily, and that communication is difficult and inconvenient.

If you want to improve these psychological tendencies, you can check out the following methods:

First, challenge your negative beliefs about communication and consider the potential benefits of communicating with others. Use these benefits as goals you want to achieve to motivate yourself.

Second, practice your communication skills by thinking about different situations you might face and then coming up with ways to respond to each one. Keep in mind that the situations you'll encounter in the workplace are probably pretty predictable.

With that in mind, when you're in a similar situation at work, just follow the steps in the framework and do each thing on the list. Think of this as something you need to do, not the interaction itself. Focus on the "ways and means" rather than what others say about you.

At the same time, we need to change how we think about other people's responses. Instead of worrying about how they judge us, we should focus on their feedback on our methods. This feedback can help us improve our methods. Sometimes, we worry about what other people think of us because we feel that once they've judged us, we can't change. We think that their judgment is our "end point."

However, we can totally treat these comments as a starting point and use others' comments as clues to how we can improve in the future. That way, after hearing others' comments, we'll have follow-up actions to take things further.

The final step is to get used to this kind of communication and become less bothered by it.

I hope this info is useful for you.

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today!

Thank you so much for trusting us with your doubts and getting answers! You asked, "What is it about having to account for things to other people that makes me procrastinate?"

"Looking at your problem, I think many people have encountered a situation similar to yours. I don't know why, but now we will reveal the answers one by one, and I'm so excited to share them with you!"

1. Phenomenon

1⃣️, avoidance

You say, "Whenever I have to wait for someone to respond or give someone an explanation, I will instinctively avoid anything that involves 'other people.'" If there is a time limit for this kind of thing, you'll procrastinate and avoid it even more. But deep down, you feel that it is "troublesome and a waste of my time."

Other people's business

On the surface, you always avoid waiting for your response and explanations. In fact, you feel that what you are thinking is none of your business. Therefore, you do not appreciate the urgency of things and feel that it does not matter if you delay a bit.

?? Dislike doing things

Many people hate the things they do, but they don't like to say so. So they choose to procrastinate and avoid doing these things, allowing themselves to become numb to the situation. But there's a way out!

2⃣️, sense of loneliness

You say, "I'm used to being alone, but sometimes I feel lonely. But even when I'm lonely, I don't want to spend time with other people. I also have the fear that I won't do a good job and will be criticized, and that I will be abandoned by the group.

A superficial sense of loneliness

The good news is that you don't have to be lonely! It just means that you are not really enjoying being alone, but just want some quiet time to yourself. You actually need to connect with other people, and there are plenty of ways to do that!

As Wu Zhihong said, relationships are everything! There is no such thing as "absolute loneliness."

Sometimes, we get to enjoy some well-deserved solitude. We draw strength from it, and we grow. But in the end, we can't wait to share all the amazing things we've gained in solitude with others!

Fear

You admit that you feel lonely, but there's so much more to it than that! Behind your loneliness is your fear of not doing well, being criticized by others, and being abandoned by everyone.

3⃣️, confusion Let's dive into this together!

You say, "But my job is to connect." I'm excited to help you identify the limitations of your perception so you can make adjustments and changes subconsciously.

Your dilemma

The nature of the work presents an exciting challenge that differs from your usual approach. You're ready to break free from your habits and dive into a new level of interest in work. The possibilities are endless!

? Consciousness

It's true that at the conscious level, you haven't really taken your work as work and have been a bit casual about it. But there's so much potential for growth here! The deeper reasons need to be looked at in order to solve the problems you face, and I'm excited to see what you discover.

Second, the reason

1⃣️, no interest and no sense of responsibility

Interest

I bet you're doing something you don't love and maybe aren't that great at. You're naturally shy, but that just means you have so much to learn! When you don't like something, you tend to work negatively, but you can totally change that.

Now, let's talk about responsibility!

I bet you've had people make decisions for you in your family of origin, and you didn't have to think too much about the consequences. This means you haven't developed the work attitude of taking responsibility for your own affairs. But there's no reason why you can't develop this! All you need to do is start taking responsibility for your own affairs. Once you do this, you'll develop a sense of responsibility.

2⃣️, Awareness It's time to get excited about your future! You're ready to take control of your thoughts and actions. You care about what other people think, and you're ready to show the world what you're capable of.

You care about what other people think, and you want to make them happy!

You say you are afraid of being criticized and blamed if you don't do a good job, which shows that you care a lot about what other people think of you and how they treat you. In your mind, you think that if you don't do it, you can avoid being blamed — and that's a great way to look at it!

There's still room for improvement when it comes to cooperation!

From what you have described, it seems that you are not in a state of mind to get to work and do it as work. You are still acting like you are at home, doing things half-heartedly and procrastinating when you don't feel like doing them. You have not seriously considered the impact my work may have on others – but you will!

There's a world of opportunity for you to embrace cooperation!

3⃣️, Original family

From your introduction, I can sense that you have always been reluctant to do things you don't like, and you are also worried about being abandoned and rejected. But you're also an amazingly resilient person! You have deep-seated fears and insecurities, and at the same time, you are quite unconfident. But you're working on it! You can avoid problems by procrastinating.

Your behavior is the result of the living environment in your original family, which means there's so much potential for growth and change!

It's evident that your parents had a strong influence on you. They had a tendency to accuse and command, which made it challenging for you to stand your ground.

? Blaming parents

Blame-shifters are great at ignoring others, attacking and criticizing, and blaming others for their problems. They're always ready with the catchphrases, "It's all your fault," and "What's wrong with you?"

In terms of their inner experiences, people with an accusatory personality usually fail alone, but they prefer to remain in authority by isolating themselves from others—and they do it so well!

In the long-term pattern of living with your parents, you often don't know whether you can actually get things done after being scolded. Therefore, you show a very unconfident state and are afraid of criticism and scolding. But don't worry! This is something you can work on.

Let's talk about controlling parents!

Controlling people are eager for others to respect them, listen to them, and not have their own ideas. When they don't get what they want, they're ready to take action!

Your parents also often ordered you to do this and that, rarely respecting your opinions and paying attention to your feelings. Although you didn't want to, you couldn't disobey, so you would fight against your parents' orders in the form of procrastination.

After work, you're ready to relax and enjoy your free time! You're not keen on dealing with people or work that isn't related to you, and you're happy to put off those tasks until tomorrow.

4⃣️, personality Now for the fun part! This is where we get to explore your personality.

From your introduction, I get the impression that you're a bit reserved, but that's okay! It seems like you're more focused on your own feelings and saving face. And I get the sense that you're a bit afraid of being accused, which is totally normal. So I think you may be a person with a melancholic personality, which is fascinating!

People with a melancholic personality have so many amazing qualities!

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

You have so many amazing strengths! You're delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, talented, and insightful.

Weaknesses: being stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive. But don't worry! These are just minor details that you can easily work on to become the best version of yourself.

Guess what! Your personality determines whether you avoid things you dislike on purpose and whether you're afraid of being criticized.

3. How to adjust

1. Know yourself!

Know yourself and get to know yourself!

It's time to get to know yourself! Learn about your personality traits and strengths, and discover where your abilities lie.

It's time to discover where your abilities lie!

Know what you can do, what you can accept, and what you can offer to others!

Embrace yourself!

Embrace your flaws and turn them into strengths! Confront your own lack of confidence and fear, and fully accept your own shortcomings and weaknesses. Realizing your own problems only means that you have problems in the past, but it does not mean that you cannot improve yourself.

2⃣️, Build confidence!

Use your strengths!

Do what you like and are good at, and play to your strengths! For example, if you have a perfectionist streak, go for it! Strive to do things better and win credibility and self-confidence.

Self-motivation is key!

And don't forget to treat yourself when you've done a great job! You could get yourself a little gift, or even a nice meal out!

Or buy something you really want to celebrate your achievements and progress!

? Build self-confidence!

It's time to record your amazing growth!

Record each task completed according to the goal as evidence to inspire yourself to move forward in the future and build confidence in yourself. You've got this!

And the best part is, you can build self-confidence!

You can do anything you set your mind to! When you see your own achievements and believe in your own abilities, no matter what situation you encounter, you can do what you can do through self-awareness and ability.

3⃣️, professionalism

As mentioned earlier, you can absolutely approach your work properly! You just need to gain a better understanding of professionalism. Let me give you a more detailed introduction to professionalism.

Now for the exciting part! Let's dive into the world of professionalism.

Professionalism is the code of conduct that human beings need to follow in social activities. It's the sum of individual behavior that makes up one's professionalism, with professionalism being the connotation and individual behavior the external manifestation.

And the content of professionalism includes…

This quality includes four fantastic elements:

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of professional ethics!

Now for the fun part! It's time to dive into professional ideology (awareness).

Now for the fun part! Professional behavior habits.

Now for the fun part! Professional skills.

The core of professionalism is professional beliefs, professional knowledge and skills, and professional behavior habits.

Now that you know your behavior could be better, you have the opportunity to establish a work ethic, develop your professional skills, and gain the professional awareness you mentioned.

Now for the fun part! Professional awareness.

Now for the fun part: career planning!

So, you want to develop a sense of professionalism? Great! It all starts with a clear plan for your future. This includes comprehensively understanding yourself, as mentioned above. What do you want to do? What can you do? What can the environment support you in doing?

Career planning is an exciting journey of discovery! It's about identifying your unique talents and strengths, and aligning them with your personal goals and values. You'll gain a deeper understanding of your personality traits, including your temperament, character, and abilities. Plus, you'll uncover your personal inclinations, such as your interests, motivations, needs, and values. This comprehensive approach allows you to chart your own course and set ambitious career development goals. With a clear understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, you'll be well-equipped to make informed decisions and seize opportunities along the way. So, get ready to embark on an inspiring journey of self-discovery and career growth!

It's time to cultivate awareness!

It's time to embrace the amazing journey of professional growth! Let's consciously cultivate the wonderful qualities of professional ethics, professional attitude, and professional style. These core professional qualities are reflected in many aspects, including independence, responsibility, professionalism, teamwork, and professional ethics.

Let's cultivate professionalism!

It's time to recognize professionalism!

Vocational training is a fantastic way to gain a deeper understanding of professionalism. It helps you grasp the core, connotation, and content of professionalism and really make it your own.

It's amazing how, through training and the practice of behavioral norms, professionalism can become a habit of one's own actions and even enter the subconscious!

Moral discipline is an essential part of being a good professional.

Self-discipline is your key to success! It helps you adapt to the requirements of the job, develop a sense of teamwork, and work with others to complete tasks. You'll also learn to balance your own abilities with the interests of the public and the collective.

Once you understand yourself and have established and possessed professional qualities, you will become a good professional! You will not do whatever you want because you will have not only your own interests in mind, but also the interests of others and the public, as well as your moral values, sense of responsibility, and so on.

I'm thrilled to share these answers with you! I hope they're helpful and bring a smile to your face. Have an amazing day!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here.

I totally get where you're coming from. When you have to do something for someone else, it can feel really tough inside, and you might even feel like you don't have the power to do it well. It's totally normal to feel this way!

You want to make a change, to overcome procrastination, so you can enjoy the rewards of good interpersonal relationships and stay connected with others and the outside world. But you just can't seem to find a way through. Let's share and discuss together:

1. We can help you understand the reasons for procrastination.

Procrastination is a kind of rationalization in the brain, a kind of hypocrisy, a permanent resistance to freedom, a sense of powerlessness, and a contradictory state of wanting to do something but not doing it. It's a tricky one, isn't it?

As you mentioned, it's totally understandable to feel worried that you won't do a good job, that you'll be criticized by others, and that you'll be abandoned by the group. We all have those feelings from time to time! Fear of failure is one of the causes of procrastination.

It's often the case that kids who experience failure during their growth process, especially when they're young, and who are then punished harshly by their parents, end up with a deep psychological shadow.

Or maybe past failures have caused some serious losses, which has led to a serious sense of failure and learned helplessness.

Everything needs energy. When our hearts are filled with contradictions and entanglements, it's like having two little people in our brains fighting non-stop, constantly draining our energy. And since energy is finite, where will we find the energy to do other important things?

It's so important to focus on what you have and give yourself more affirmation, praise, and recognition. When we were young, we didn't have the same level of judgment and independence as we do now. As we grow into adulthood, we can be our own "significant others" and give ourselves understanding and acceptance.

2. How can we get rid of that awful feeling of loneliness?

It's so important to remember that when you give yourself a bad review, it can really affect your relationships with others. It's natural to feel this way sometimes, but it's also important to try to enjoy being with others and to keep the connection and relationships strong.

It's so hard when you feel like you can't bear the thought of being alone. It can feel overwhelming when you're lonely.

They have low self-esteem, which makes it hard for them to get along with themselves and give themselves positive feedback. They need to "affirm themselves in everything," avoid some rules, and do not like to be restricted, either by themselves or by others.

On the other hand, a person with a high self-worth can give themselves a positive evaluation, like themselves, like having a good connection with themselves, like other people, and be respected and liked in a crowd.

Because he also gives others positive feedback, enjoys the connection between people, and is open. Loneliness is the opposite of that. It's when you cut yourself off from others and don't feel connected to anyone. It's a form of escape.

?Advice:

1) Just remember to stay aware, and when you see something, you can choose to do something about it. When you see something, you can give yourself positive feedback. A person who understands solitude does not feel restricted. He does not need to isolate himself; he connects with others.

A lonely person feels like they're missing a connection with others, which can make them feel a bit lonely.

2) Loneliness is something we all feel from time to time. When you're feeling lonely, try to remember that you're not alone. You have the right to choose to be alone if you want to, and you have the right to choose to be with people if you want to.

I really hope this is helpful for you, and for the world! And I love you so much! ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep in touch and see you grow and flourish!

Hello! You asked about procrastinating when helping others.

"First, I want to praise you for noticing this. Being aware of your behavior is a form of self-growth. Let's look at your question together.

You avoid issues involving "other people" when you have to wait for a response or explanation. If there's a time limit, you procrastinate.

You feel this will be a waste of your time. You have adapted to being alone, but you do feel lonely.

If you're lonely, you don't want to spend time with other people. You're afraid of being criticized or abandoned. But your job is to connect with others. Please help point out the limitations in your perception and the subconscious changes you want to make.

☀️ Build a community.

I've had similar experiences at work. I don't like to trouble others or be troubled by others.

I was afraid of troubling others. If they came to me when they had something to do, I would not be able to help. In fact, I was not confident enough. I didn't believe in myself, trust others, or feel secure. It was also a sign of a lack of trust in others.

I realized I was lonely at work and didn't connect with anyone. I started changing. When a colleague was doing something, I offered to help. I took the initiative to help others and let others help me.

I made friends at work and felt more at home there.

Be responsible.

You can tell yourself: You promised, so you must help the other person get it done.

If you don't want to do it or can't do it, you can refuse. This is being responsible for yourself and others. Responsibility is important. It helps you get along with others and take responsibility for yourself.

If you had accepted the task assigned to you by someone else and been reluctant to do it, you can look at it differently. You can see doing things for other people as a learning experience. Look at things more positively and you might find motivation.

Best wishes! I hope my answer helps you, the world, and I love you!

Embrace responsibility at work!

Having something to answer for is a great way to live your life! It means you're following a work norm or a promise you've made to someone. It's also a basic operation in daily life, like keeping your word. And it's especially important at work!

If you want others to respect and trust you, you've got to take your own words seriously! This is a great way to show that you're responsible and that others can trust you to be honest and reliable.

A lack of confidence in one's ability to do the job is a common challenge.

A procrastinating attitude may also be due to concerns about what needs to be answered, the fear of not doing a good job, the fear of not doing a good job, and the resulting fear of being criticized and belittled. This is understandable, but here's the good news: "an ugly daughter-in-law must meet her in-laws," not to mention that you may not be an "ugly daughter-in-law."

However, if a daughter-in-law is always furtive and hesitant, such behavior may lead to more misunderstandings. But don't worry! Even if everything is done properly, it is inevitable that one will feel that it is not done with care, that it is not satisfactory, that it is not done with all one's heart. But that's OK!

.

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Being responsible for your work and being able to identify mistakes quickly is a great way to take control of your life. When you take responsibility at work, you'll find it's a fantastic way to build your confidence and make a great impression on your colleagues.

Ability is important, but attitude is everything!

I wish you the absolute best! May your future be filled with joy and happiness!

Hello, I'm consultant Yu Hengbo. We all know how it goes. When others are waiting for you to give an explanation, as long as it involves issues related to "others," you'll find yourself avoiding it. Even if there's a time limit, you'll procrastinate even more. It can feel like a hassle and a waste of time, and you might worry that you won't do it well and be criticized and abandoned by the group.

It's totally understandable that you want to be alone right now, but you also need to connect with others for work. It's great that you're open to help to break through the limitations of your perception so that you can be more relaxed in social situations.

1. I'd love to know what "others" mean to you, and how you deal with the opinions of others.

You say that when it comes to issues related to other people, you can't help but avoid them. I totally get it! Avoidance usually carries with it some fear and worry. What are you worried about? Are you afraid of being judged?

I'd love to know what other people's opinions mean to you.

We all have to deal with being judged by others in our lives. It happens when you first meet someone, when you talk to someone, and even when you walk down the street. It's just part of life! We all leave impressions on other people when we do things in society. They might think you're funny, witty, or even hypocritical, or that you're stingy, for example. These comments can be good or bad, and everyone's position is different, so the degree of their comments is also different. If you're someone who is not easily influenced by others, then these comments are just a reference for you. If you're someone who is very influenced by your environment and others, then I think you can learn to correctly evaluate these "other people's comments."

Have you ever wondered why this kind of evaluation is called "other people's evaluation" or "other people's expectations"? Well, the sender of these evaluations is other people, and they express their views on you and the nature of your events based on their own organization, their own position, their own experiences, and their perception of what has happened to you.

How should we respond to the comments of others in a way that's kind and respectful?

(1) Know yourself correctly. This is so important! We must first understand what kind of person we are, and we must correctly understand and accept our strengths and weaknesses. No one knows you better than yourself. They may only see the surface of you, what you do, why you do it, what you need, and what you don't need. You must be very clear about this.

(2) It's always a good idea to think about the pros and cons. Is his advice really practical? What are his sources of information? What kind of person is he? Has he tried it? What will be the consequences if I follow his advice? What will be the consequences if I don't? Do you really like those consequences?

(3) I'd love to hear your thoughts on what it's like to not meet other people's expectations and disappoint them. Do you feel like you're not good enough, or do you think you could have done a better job?

Or could it be something we picked up when we were kids? Do we always feel like we're not good enough because we can't make everyone happy?

Do you ever feel like you're never good enough to be loved? We can all relate to that feeling, right? It's something we all experience at one point or another. It's like we're constantly trying to meet the expectations of others, and when we don't, we feel frustrated. Sometimes, we even avoid situations because we're afraid of not measuring up. But what if we could turn this around? What if we could embrace our inner needs and recognize that we're worthy of love and acceptance just as we are?

(4) Always respect and accept yourself. This doesn't mean you have to be right about everything, but it does mean accepting that you will make mistakes, that you will fail, and that you have bad sides. But also be extremely confident in your good sides, see your own strength, put yourself in the right position, and believe that you will definitely succeed!

2. Try to see your abilities and work in a positive way, as if you have the potential to grow and improve.

The wonderful concept of a growth mindset comes from the brilliant psychologist Carol Dweck in her classic work, "Growth Mindset for Life." According to the cognitive development of abilities, there are two different thinking modes: a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

Fixed thinking believes that abilities such as intelligence are innate and cannot be changed. Alternative thinking believes that talent is just the starting point, that a person's intelligence can be improved through exercise, and that with hard work, one can do better.

Let's say a young person has had a really rough day. They got their test scores back, and they only scored 30 points in a subject they usually excel at and really enjoy. It's totally understandable if they're feeling pretty bummed out right now!

As I was heading home that evening, I found out that the traffic police had also given me a ticket for parking. I was already feeling pretty down, so you can imagine how I felt when I called my best friend to vent and she didn't answer!

If you were in this situation, how would you feel? What would you do?

Some folks think, "I haven't quite nailed this subject recently. I'll have to put in a little more work and make up for the work I missed before the final exam. I'll have to be more careful when I park next time. Now I need to pay off this fine first."

My brother didn't answer my call, so I'm really worried that something might have happened to him. I'll go over to their house right away to see if there's anything I can do to help.

People with this mindset are super optimistic and positive! They believe in the value of continuous effort, and they're not disheartened by the many misfortunes or upsetting things in life. They're ready to face challenges and continue to strive! In the workplace, leaders with growth mindsets are more adept at listening to critical advice from others and place a higher value on the personal development of their employees.

Growth mindset companies and teams are more inclusive and can communicate more openly and freely, which is great for everyone! Employees with growth mindsets are more competitive in challenging tasks such as collaborative negotiations, which is a wonderful quality to have.

In relationships with other people, people with growth mindsets are more empathetic, take the initiative to manage relationships, and believe that love, friendship, and all other relationships can be nurtured and grown. They also pay more attention to others in social interactions, rather than what others think of them, and therefore are more likely to overcome shyness and other personality-related social barriers and actively interact with others.

How can we get a growth mindset?

(1) Premise: Understanding the amazing plasticity of the brain – our brain is highly malleable, just like our muscles! The synapses between neurons in the brain, which are responsible for transmitting signals, are constantly changing in response to environmental stimuli and learning experiences.

It's amazing how our brains work! Every time we learn something new, our brain makes new connections. And when we review what we already know, those connections get even stronger. Studies have shown that our brains are very flexible and can change throughout our lives. This means that we can always shape and cultivate our thinking patterns, intelligence, and so much more through training.

And guess what? When we realize we've made a mistake or encountered a challenge, our brain gets really active! Making mistakes is actually a great way to develop our brains and become the best version of ourselves.

Let's try to change our attitude towards mistakes. Instead of being afraid of making them, let's try to be brave enough to try!

(2) Four steps to acquiring a growth mindset.

Step 1: Accept

First of all, give yourself a break! Most people don't just have one mindset, but a mixture of the two. It's totally normal to be in a fixed mindset in some situations and a growth mindset in others.

But remember, just because it's there, doesn't mean it should be there all the time. It can cause a lot of harm if we don't watch out!

Step 2: Take a good, close look at yourself.

Take a moment to observe. This can help you identify what triggers your fixed mindset. When does it usually appear?

Maybe it popped up when you were up against a big challenge and someone told you to back down. Or perhaps it showed up out of nowhere when you experienced failure and someone told you to give up.

Take a moment to observe how you treat other people in fixed-mindset mode. Do you often find yourself judging other people's talents?

And think about the last time your fixed mindset personality came out. What did it say to you, and how did you feel?

Take a moment to observe, and don't be too quick to judge.

Step 3: Give it a name!

It's time to give your fixed mindset persona a name! Then, describe what it looks like, when it shows up, what it's like, and how it affects us.

For example, the book mentions a finance manager who named his fixed mindset personality "Duane." He said, "When we encounter difficulties, my Duane will appear. He makes me very critical of everyone, and I become rude and demanding instead of supporting my staff."

His team members, after getting to know each other's fixed thinking personality, entered a new stage of cooperation with each other, and team morale also rose sharply. If you don't want to introduce your fixed thinking personality to others, no problem! You can just keep it in mind.

Step 4: Learn and grow together!

Once you've named your fixed mindset personality, you can start to educate it. Just be sure to keep an eye out for things that might trigger it.

When "he" appears and stops us, we can try to convince "him" by telling him the reasons why not to do so, and invite "him" to face the challenge together with you. We can say something like, "I know this may fail, but I'm willing to give it a try. Can you be a little more patient with me?"

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So, we can take other people's comments in perspective, find our true selves, maintain a growth mindset, stick to what we like best, accept challenges and failures, keep trying and changing, and believe that in the vast crowd you will find your own life. You'll become more and more comfortable when interacting with others, face other people's comments and expectations head-on, not avoid or procrastinate on tasks assigned to us, and courageously overcome one challenge after another.

Welcome to the forum! We're thrilled to have you here.

From your account, it's clear that you tend to procrastinate when others are waiting for your response or when you need to give someone an explanation.

Guess what! When you need to respond to others, you often don't. And this has little to do with procrastination.

All you really want to do is reply!

Guess what? Not replying is in itself a reply!

In fact, you have already replied to the other person when you procrastinate!

When you need to spend time and energy thinking of an answer to reply to the other person, you will find it very troublesome and a complete waste of your time. But don't worry! There are plenty of other ways to spend your time.

What's really going on here is a fascinating concept in psychology called "mirroring." It's all about how you see yourself in the eyes of others.

From a subconscious point of view, you're not worried about the trouble or waste of time that replying to others might bring. What you're really concerned about is that when you need to trouble others, they might feel troubled too. But don't worry! You can easily avoid this by taking control of your subconscious mind.

If you want to solve your own problems subconsciously, it's essential to have a good understanding of the term "subconscious."

The key word in "subconscious" is "sub." It's subtle, profound, lasting, and formed over many years—and it's totally fascinating!

To understand your subconscious, you get to go back to the beginning of your life!

From your childhood experiences, you have probably learned that you are not someone who should cause trouble for others. When you encounter problems that you cannot solve and need to ask for help,

Other people often don't help you, but they just think you're causing them trouble and wasting their time.

From a young age, in the eyes of your parents, elders, friends, etc., you have only seen yourself as someone who causes trouble for others and wastes other people's time. Over time, you will come to feel that you are someone who causes trouble for others and wastes time.

When you need help from others, that situation will activate the feelings inside you, making you feel ashamed and angry. So you just want to delay, avoid, and escape.

Later, when someone else needs your help, it will also stir up those unpleasant feelings inside you. This is your chance to turn over a new leaf! Choose to be proactive and help them.

And the outward appearance is procrastination and not replying!

If you want to change, you can do it! First, recognize your subconscious thoughts and accept them. The self in a procrastinating state is not a bad self because it activates unpleasant feelings within you. It is already rare that you have not yelled at the other person.

And at the same time, you should recognize your own existence! You are worthy of help, and you are also capable of helping others!

You absolutely deserve to be linked with others, and you will never be abandoned!

Every day, take a small notebook and write down all of your amazing strengths when you think of them!

You are awesome! And don't be afraid to link with others!

Come on! Let's do this!