What is it like to have an older brother who is better at everything?

I think the questioner is feeling a bit down and confused.

It's not about how good this brother is. There are plenty of good people out there, and the questioner might not feel a connection to them. It seems like the main issue is that while the family members all have a good impression of him, they're neglecting the questioner in return.

This is a pretty unusual situation. In a big family, there'll always be people who like this and dislike that, and it's unlikely everyone will agree.

So, a fair situation would be that someone likes your brother, and someone else also pays attention to you. Nobody's perfect, and we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Everyone's attitude is the same, which makes people wonder if there's a controlling force behind extended family culture, forcing everyone to act the same way.

If the questioner feels jealous, that's normal. After all, he's got your attention and recognition. Plus, because of him, you're also compared and belittled. So, it's natural to feel some hatred and anger towards him. But, this may just be the questioner's emotions. We don't know what kind of person this brother is. It's possible he likes the questioner and wants to help him.

It might be helpful for the questioner to talk to their parents about these feelings and thoughts to get their perspective. The questioner could also try psychological counseling.

The existence of a sibling who is perceived to be more accomplished than oneself can give rise to considerable stress. This is not merely a matter of external circumstances, such as academic performance, physical stature, or cognitive abilities. It also extends to the perception of being held in high regard by elders in social interactions.

Individuals who are competitive may experience feelings of frustration and inferiority. If these emotions are not channeled in a constructive manner, they can potentially evolve into feelings of jealousy.

On the one hand, there is a sense of envy regarding one's brother's talent. On the other hand, there is a concurrent sense of self-hatred for one's inability to surpass him, which creates a highly distorted state of mind.

Indeed, I frequently experience similar feelings of inadequacy, such as when I am unable to compete with a specific classmate or when I lack the same aptitude for work as a particular colleague.

It would be disingenuous to claim that the world is inherently fair. Indeed, the notion of fairness is a construct of the human mind, and it is not a quality that is inherent to the universe. People are born with unequal conditions and different talents, and these differences are not always equitable.

This is why the world is so unequal, unfair, and imperfect. This is a reality that we must acknowledge as human beings. It cannot be resolved with a few words in a post today. This process of acknowledging it is arduous and prolonged, and it will take a lifetime to fully comprehend and address it. We must continuously develop ourselves and engage with experiences to gain this understanding.

Given your current abilities and energy levels, I believe that the most beneficial course of action at this juncture is to acknowledge some of your shortcomings and permit yourself to experience justified feelings of envy towards your brother. Given the difficulty you currently face in transforming this envy, refraining from self-judgment is the most constructive approach you can take.

It is unproductive to simultaneously experience envy of one's sibling while also attempting to suppress that emotion. Such an approach can lead to a distorted perception of reality and an excessive investment of mental energy.

It is essential to identify resources that can help to regulate one's emotions, thereby facilitating the expression of frustration and dissatisfaction in a constructive manner. This process allows for the gradual recognition of the merits of one's sibling, the absorption of beneficial qualities from them within the limits of one's acceptance, and the realization that striving for a similar level of excellence is not a necessity. Instead, there is potential to learn from one's sibling in specific areas, such as their capacity for interpersonal relationships, while also recognizing areas for personal growth.

Once this transformation has occurred, the sibling will no longer be perceived as a threat, but rather as a valuable resource for achieving one's full potential.

It must be acknowledged that this process is not straightforward. There will undoubtedly be numerous potential challenges and setbacks along the way, necessitating the seeking of reliable advice or assistance to facilitate a smooth transition. In this regard, your decision to seek assistance at this time is commendable and prudent.

The aforementioned responses represent a portion of the answers I have provided to your inquiries. They are, at best, cursory and inconsequential, yet I hope they prove at least somewhat beneficial to you.

- Yi Ya Shu.

Hello, topic master. I can see that you are unhappy, and it must be very uncomfortable for you. You need to stand up to your brother. I am Stinky Flying Fish Floater.

I am a psychological counselor trainee and a home education instructor.

I will analyze the problem you mentioned and give you suggestions to help you.

You have a cousin who is one year younger and he is better at everything than you.

Let me be clear: you know you are inferior to your brother.

I feel very uncomfortable. If there were no relatives to compare you with, you wouldn't feel this way!

You are very brave. You should be better than your brother in this respect.

You accepted the reality that you are not as good as your brother, and you did it bravely, even though it made you feel a little uncomfortable.

Your courageous behavior deserves praise.

You know that your brother is a year older than you. From a psychological standpoint:

It's a fact that the first child in a family is more popular. You're one year younger than your brother, which is your disadvantage.

Psychological science experiments have proven this. It is a fact that the more often you meet someone, the more of an impression they make on you, and the natural balance of affection tilts towards them.

Your position in the family is affected by your brother.

Your brother is undoubtedly better than you at studying. After all, learning is measured by grades.

How do you compare in other aspects? And how do you know that your brother is better than you in every way?

Let's be real, parents' comparisons are pretty general.

If you can find one area where your brother is better than you, they will think he is better in all areas.

Do you mention these things because you want to surpass your brother? Let me be clear: academic performance really isn't that important nowadays.

Your ability to function in society in the future is more important. Your success in society depends on your life skills.

But studying is only a matter of ten years. During these ten years, you will only be considered successful if you have learned cultural knowledge and made it your own. Grades don't matter.

There is so much to learn, and a small exam paper simply cannot cover it all.

?‍♂️In fact, this situation is still beneficial to you. Living in a constant state of comparison may have some impact on your mind, but it's not a problem.

But it also gave you motivation to study. Think about it. That's why you didn't fall behind your brother in your studies.

You're always trying to catch up with your brother because of the stimulation from relatives and friends.

Your brother is praised all the time, and he will undoubtedly become arrogant. This will also affect his future.

2. You feel your parents look down on you a little, and they also seem a little jealous of your cousin.

I don't know what kind of emotion I feel.

Your parents don't look down on you. They're just helpless.

Your family members treasure you, but they compare you to your cousin at family gatherings.

But they can't say anything because it's true. In fact, it's not easy for her either.

Your child is the best, and your parents know it. They might look at you differently, but that's not a reason to worry.

?‍♂️But you're wrong. They just don't know how to express it.

They are worried that you will be affected by this comparison, but they don't know how to express it.

Sometimes you can't stand it in your heart, and your relatives and friends feel aggrieved when they compare you to your cousin. But since they are not good at expressing themselves, they may vent their emotions on you.

This is what made you have parents and feel a little inferior.

You feel a little jealous of your cousin. That's normal.

You are children of the same family, and all the attention of your family is focused on your cousin. Of course you're jealous and envious. Who wouldn't be?

If it were me, I would be jealous and envious too. This feeling of envy is harmless.

Appropriate jealousy can also motivate you to improve. Don't be confused.

Everyone comes into this world with a mission.

You surely know the story of Kong Rong giving up his pear. It ended in tragedy. I don't know if you know anything about history.

Kong Rong was given a lot of honor in his family because he knew how to yield the pear at the age of four. This made him arrogant.

In the end, the whole family suffered. This story teaches us that

Don't worry about being good at something when you're young. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll be good at it as an adult.

If you want to surpass your cousin, you need to start studying hard now.

You need to learn academic knowledge and various life skills.

It's not easy to surpass someone, especially not an older brother who is good at everything.

You can also get along with your cousin. Learn from your cousin's strengths.

Do not fall out with your cousin over this.

?‍♀️That's all I have to say on the matter. I hope you'll think about the questions I've raised in this article and find the answer for yourself.

I am confident that my answer will alleviate the discomfort in your heart.

I love you.

Hello! I'm Enoch, the answerer.

From what the questioner says, there may be an older brother who is more outstanding, but the questioner is not inferior. The family compares you both, so the questioner feels inferior. The older brother is a year older and may be more sensible. The elders value children who are sensible, polite, and obedient, so he has won their approval.

Humanistic psychology believes everyone should see their own value and strengths. In the process of getting along with others, everyone should respect others for who they are. Students should be taught according to their aptitude, not molded into what you like. However, many parents in China limit their children. They want to limit their children to what they think is good. They cannot see where their children have more potential. They cannot let their children pursue a better path.

I hope the questioner will learn to be themselves and not be influenced by others. If they keep hurting themselves, they can also stay away from negative people. Concentrate on your studies and you will have a better future.

Plan your life well and don't worry about others comparing you to them.

Good day. I am the place of peace of mind.

Having an older brother who is consistently more successful than you may lead to feelings of inadequacy. A lack of recognition, appreciation, or even negative attention can result in frustration, sadness, or even envy.

From the description, it appears that both the elderly and the young in the family have a preference for him. Could you please clarify which individual is the elderly person and which is the young person?

Please clarify whether you prefer him more. Is this a subjective perception or an objective reality? Please provide specific examples to support your answer.

I am led to believe that your parents hold you in low regard. Could you please elaborate on this perception?

Please provide further details.

Your brother is perceived as superior to you in all respects and is regarded as more likeable. How do you respond when family members make comparisons between you?

Please clarify whether you are referring to individuals of a younger and older age when you mention "young and old."

Please describe the nature of your relationship with your brother, noting whether he is in the second or third year of high school. Additionally, please indicate the frequency of communication between you.

Who typically assumes the role of initiator?

I empathize with your situation, particularly given the pressure, resentment, and jealousy you feel in the context of having an outstanding older brother in the eyes of your family. It is understandable that you also long to be praised, recognized, and affirmed by everyone. Does this understanding align with your feelings?

Each individual is an expert in their own right, the master of their own life, and has the potential to surpass themselves and become a better version of themselves. Your decision to seek assistance on this platform demonstrates a clear awareness of the need for self-growth, which is commendable.

Once you have the courage to address the issue directly, you will have taken the first step towards resolving it. You can then begin an inner journey to resolve the matter.

Please describe the advantages that your brother may have had from an early age. When did your family begin comparing you?

Please describe your reaction at the time. Did you attempt to address the issue?

Please describe your parents' attitude towards you when you were a child. Did you feel seen, noticed, accepted, included, and affirmed by them?

Please describe your reaction at the time.

If you are unable to recall your childhood, you may wish to attempt to project yourself back to that period of your life. Imagine the child who once desired to be seen, praised, and approved. Then, embrace that child and tell him or her, "Back then, I was repressed, timid, and cowardly, and I was too afraid to express my true needs and requests. Now I have grown up and have the courage and strength to do so."

I would like to convey to my parents, in particular, that I desire to be seen, to receive their praise and recognition, and to be affirmed. I value them as individuals and as a source of support.

Once you have developed the courage and strength to confront the issue head-on, you will be in a position to communicate your true feelings, needs and requests to your parents in a frank and sincere manner.

Should you wish to do so, you may also invite your brother to engage in an honest and sincere conversation between men. You may choose to inform your brother of your feelings and desires, and to listen to his response. The outcome may prove surprising.

In conclusion, it is important to recognise that each individual is unique and deserves love, attention, affirmation and approval. It is not beneficial to compare oneself to others or to live in the eyes of others. Instead, it is essential to believe in oneself and to strive to become a better version of oneself.

I wish you the best in becoming the warrior of your life and the master of your destiny.

Hello, I'm Jiang 61, and I'm excited to share my thoughts with you!

Thank you so much for trusting us with your story! We're here to listen and help you work through the inner pain caused by being compared to others all the time. We understand your feelings of resentment and anger, and we're ready to help you work through them.

Embrace you and give you love! I know you don't want to be compared, and I'm here to tell you what to do.

Here are my thoughts:

1. Experience

My brother (not a biological brother) is a year older than me, and he is better than me in every way. He studies better than me, is taller than me, listens to me more than me, and understands me better than me. Everyone in the family, whether old or young, prefers him to me. This year, I am a sophomore and he is a senior. Everyone in the family compares him to me. I always feel that his parents look down on me, but I'm working on that!

You want to know what it's like to have an older brother who is better at everything?

1. My experience

If I have someone who is outstanding in every way and is better than me standing in front of me, blocking everyone's view of me, that is, if I am always living in his shadow, I will feel uncomfortable, feel unappreciated, ignored, ashamed, and painful when compared. I will hate myself for being incompetent, hate him, and why are you better than me, blocking my light, and be jealous. This is what we often say: "No comparison, no harm."

This is the absolute truth!

Let's talk about ascending comparison!

The comparison with people who are better than oneself mentioned above is an upward comparison, which will spontaneously generate a whole range of emotions! These can include feelings of inferiority, self-blame, self-contempt, blaming others, jealousy, resentment, and anxiety.

Downward comparison is a great way to boost your self-esteem! It's all about comparing yourself to people who are less successful than you in order to feel good about yourself. It's a fantastic way to build your self-confidence and feel proud of what you've achieved.

Downward comparison is a great way to feel complacent, self-sufficient, proud, and arrogant. It also gives us a wonderful sense of accomplishment! We do this by comparing ourselves with people who are less successful than us. This helps us feel better about ourselves and gives us a sense of honour.

Knowing yourself through comparison is an amazing process!

We love comparing ourselves with those around us because it helps us understand our own value. We evaluate ourselves through the feedback and comments of others, and feel whether we are good or not, so as to understand and improve ourselves. We also compare ourselves with others and evaluate them in order to get to know them.

But here's the thing: after comparison, we feel dissatisfied and sad. And that's okay! It's how we know we need to make some changes. So, we fall into the emotions of inferiority, anger, and anxiety. But here's the best part: we can get out of those emotions and start making positive changes!

2. Your experience Now it's time to dive into your experience!

Let's dive into the fascinating world of comparison!

You have an older brother who is better than you in every way, whether in terms of knowledge, conversation, appearance, or figure. The "better" you refer to is that you compare yourself with people above you, and you feel that you are inferior to your brother. The essence is that you are used to comparing your own inadequacies with the strengths of others to prove your own inadequacies—and you can do it!

The subconscious mind thinks, "I'm no good, my brother is."

Feelings

Comparing yourself to those above you can make you feel disgusted, resentful, anxious, and irritable. It can also make you feel controlled, inferior, unconfident, jealous, troubled, panicked, and bored. But why? Because you have already come to see your brother as your competitor and an imaginary enemy.

You expect yourself to be better than him, and you will be! The reality is not what you think it is, but you can change it. Let yourself off the hook and face reality.

2. Reasons for being compared

1. Social tendency

Our society has embraced a new era of comparisons, and there's a wonderful tendency towards social comparisons. Anything and anyone can be the object of comparison!

In terms of human relationships, children have the chance to compare themselves with their siblings at home and with their classmates at school. When they grow up, they get to compare themselves with their colleagues at work and with their superiors!

In social situations, they compare themselves with peers and competitors to show that they are better than others, presenting arrogance, vanity, rudeness, excitement, etc. It's a great way to stand out and show off their amazing qualities! On the other hand, they might also feel inferior to others, experiencing emotions such as inferiority, anger, jealousy, and anxiety. It's a natural part of human nature to feel this way sometimes, and it's nothing to be ashamed of!

Social comparison is an amazing process that allows us to learn from others and grow as individuals. When we compare our beliefs, attitudes, and opinions with those of others, it can help us identify areas for improvement and celebrate our achievements. It's a way to feel inspired and motivated to reach new heights.

I'm always looking for ways to improve my perception and abilities to show my value. And while sometimes the opposite happens, I'm excited to keep learning and growing!

When the conscious mind feels great pressure, it can manifest in some extreme ways, such as depression, pessimistic thoughts, and a lack of competitive spirit. One is willing to be in a disadvantaged position.

2. Cultural background

And here's another fascinating aspect of comparison: it's a cultural phenomenon. Take China, for instance. Chinese people are renowned for their ability to save face and their strong sense of family. They use comparison as a tool to save face for themselves and their family, to show the success of their education and the strength of their family, and to satisfy their own and their family's vanity.

Everyone has the incredible opportunity to meet the high expectations set by their parents and the responsibilities of their family. Those who embrace comparisons are in a unique position to rise to the challenge and achieve their full potential.

This is an amazing opportunity for growth! It's an unrealistic expectation created by the cultural background for people. Because the content of comparison exceeds the ability of the person being compared, it is internalized as emotions such as inferiority, fear, and jealousy in the person being compared, and externalized as behaviors such as aggression. Unreasonable beliefs also arise naturally. These are all problems that occur during psychological development due to excessive stress.

3. Subconscious mind

In your subconscious mind, you have the power to change your beliefs. You are worthy of love, attention, and being taken seriously. You don't need the existence of others to prove your own existence.

This means that at the conscious level, you unconsciously and constantly compare yourself with others.

Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, made an incredible discovery when he divided the personality structure into the id, ego, and superego. The id follows the pleasure principle, the ego follows the reality principle, and the superego follows the moral principle.

Mental activity is divided into three fascinating levels: consciousness, preconsciousness, and subconsciousness. Mental processes are mainly psychological activities at the subconscious level.

And now for something really exciting! Let's dive into the world of the conscious mind. This is the part of the mind that we can directly perceive, including our behavior and performance.

Subconscious mind: the submerged part of the mind that contains the main driving forces behind all behavior, including behavioral responses, feelings, feelings of feelings, opinions, expectations (of oneself, of others, from others and shared by humanity), and self: who I am.

The preconscious is an amazing psychological phenomenon that lies between the subconscious and the conscious mind. It is stored in our memory and is not perceived at certain times, but can be easily summoned to consciousness.

3. Break the mindset

1. Construct a correct understanding

Absolutely! Learning from comparisons is a great way to grow.

When comparing yourself to others, with the belief that you can learn from others, make the most of it! Draw on the good things about others from the comparison to arm yourself and make yourself progress. Turn unfavorable comparisons into favorable ones.

Let's eliminate the negative effects that society and culture have on people!

Embrace your strengths!

In comparison, you can see your own amazing advantages! Those aspects that can prove your excellence, and those aspects that you and others have overlooked. You want to show them off to others and improve your self-confidence!

Set some action goals and get started!

You have a share in your own achievements! They reflect your strength and practice, and they fill you with confidence. We book our own action plan and achieve it one by one according to the plan to prove our ability and that we can do it.

You are just as capable as anyone else when it comes to planning, execution, and completion. Give yourself a confident affirmation!

2. Experience and transcend!

And now for something really special: deliberate practice and experience!

In deliberate practice, you get to clarify the action plan, work hard to complete the plan, experience and record your feelings during and after the action, give yourself positive encouragement, and be confident that you are capable.

And the best way to do that is to surround yourself with outstanding people!

By getting close to outstanding people, establishing outstanding standards, and finding your place in society, you can achieve transcendence! Balance your relationship with others, don't compare the content of your learning, but only the quality and efficiency of your learning, enhance your sense of efficacy, and watch your life take off!

3. Build a new mindset!

Transform your thinking from "should..." to "if I try hard, I will get results."

"Believe that the process is more important than the result." "Encouragement is more important than evaluation."

"

In real-life relationships, communicate well with your parents and let them understand the significance of focusing on the process rather than the result. Focus on your subjective consciousness, give full play to your initiative, tap your potential and wisdom, use your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses, and quickly improve your decision-making ability, ability to act, and efficiency of action. You can do it!

This will be so helpful for your studies and work!

Topic master, social comparison is something we cannot change. But guess what? We can change our thinking! We can turn unfavorable comparisons into favorable ones. On a cultural level, parents can be helped to understand the consequences of their behavior through communication. This way, they can develop new thinking, modify their behavior, and reduce the mental pressure they put on you.

Let you move forward with ease!

All right, these are the thoughts to offer!

And finally, I wish you all the best and lots of progress!

Hello, I'm Hou Yixin.

It seems to me that having a brother who is better than you in every way, coupled with parents who lack knowledge of family education, can lead to the result that you start to think that "the goods should be thrown away when compared with the goods."

Let's take a look at how you feel.

************

1. About your brother

He's a year older than you, studies better than you, is taller than you, and is more obedient and sensible than you. Plus, everyone in the family, from the elderly to the young, likes him better.

2. How do you feel about your brother?

When you talk about your brother's merits, what do you feel? "You may be a little jealous of him, but you can't really say whether you are or not."

It's only natural to feel a bit envious when you're up against someone who's clearly ahead of you.

It's fine to feel jealous, and there's no need to hide these feelings.

3. How do you feel about your family?

It seems like your brother is really very good, and it sounds like I'm going to think, "If only my child were as good as that." It seems like I'm subconsciously comparing my child to your brother.

It's only natural that everyone in your family compares him to you.

The issue is that it makes you feel uneasy. It gives the impression that they don't see you, that they're rejecting you, and that his parents even look down on you. Being compared to your brother clearly has a significant impact on you.

************

So, what can you do?

4. Be the best version of yourself, the one and only you.

Just be yourself. Nobody's perfect, and your brother won't be either.

Maybe your grades aren't as good as his, but there are plenty of people who are worse than you. He might be taller than you right now, but height isn't something you can control. He might listen to you more than you do, but he could use more independence. He seems more sensible than you, but you're not impolite either.

See what I mean? Take a look at yourself.

So, be yourself, accept yourself, be the best version of yourself, and believe that you are unique.

5. Family Communication

It's important to communicate more with your family, especially your parents, and to tell them your thoughts and feelings seriously.

"Please don't compare me to my brother. We're different, and your comparisons make me feel uncomfortable."

"Mom and Dad, please don't compare me to my brother or anyone else. I'm proud of who I am."

"You think I'm not as good as my brother. How would you feel if I said my parents are not as good as other people's parents?"

"Your feelings are my feelings."

"Mom and Dad, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I hope you can also see my strengths, affirm me, and encourage me."

************

6. You and your brother

You're only a year apart, so you probably have a lot in common. You can also talk to him about your feelings. He might encourage you and help you overcome this worry. You might also find that your older brother has his own struggles.

It'd be a good idea to make friends with your brother!

You're a sophomore this year, which is a critical stage of learning. Distractions can really get in the way of focusing on your studies. You might find it helpful to learn from your brother, who is a senior in high school, to see if it helps you learn better.

************

Ultimately, I hope you can untie the knot in your heart, see yourself clearly, and be the best version of yourself!

I'm a psychologist at Yixinli, and I'll be here to support you!