What is my state of mind regarding the influence of my mother's emotions on my child?

Everyone has the power to be a beacon, whether they're asking questions or answering them. With words, we can enlighten the hearts of more people, and this is something we can all tap into.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart detective coach. I can really relate to how you're feeling. Sometimes when my daughter interacts with her father, I feel a bit jealous. The more fun they have, the more isolated I feel, and I get a sense of loneliness.

On reflection, I feel quite funny about it. One is my husband, the other is my daughter. The more harmonious their parent-child relationship, the happier the family and the child's physical and mental health.

When this happens again, I'll jump in and join the fun. It's good for kids to have both parents around, and it'll help them grow up happy and healthy.

1. What about the event itself?

It's not the event itself that's the problem, but our attitude towards it.

1) You feel like your husband made a decision for you without asking you. You feel hurt and disrespected.

Try to see things from your husband's perspective. He's worried about you and doesn't want to disturb you while you're asleep because he has a habit of "coming into your room while you're sleeping."

2) You think it's important for your husband and child to sleep together, but it might just be a random co-sleeping situation because they played late into the night and had too much fun.

The fact that the child wanted to sleep in the same room as you both shows that they really look forward to having both parents around at the same time. The more harmonious and loving the parents are, the more secure the child feels.

When something happens, especially when you get emotional, you can look at it from a different perspective. The truth of a matter often comes from multiple perspectives, which gives us more choices.

What causes this way of thinking?

When you're close with someone, you're not afraid of them. You choose to avoid them or even complain about them.

When you feel neglected and isolated, you don't speak up about what you need. Doing so makes you feel embarrassed and afraid that your husband will see through your thoughts (neglected and feeling lonely).

You feel this way because you don't have enough confidence in yourself, and that's because you don't value yourself highly.

A sense of worth is how you evaluate yourself. If you believe in your own worth, you'll act with confidence. True self-confidence means having confidence in yourself and the future, and therefore having no fear.

People with a low sense of worth tend to be sensitive and suspicious, easily hurt, and suffer from low self-esteem. As you mentioned.

A low sense of self-worth is often the result of criticism, blame, and rejection from parents when you were a child. Over time, this can become your own internalized evaluation. The most effective and simplest way to improve your sense of self-worth is to give yourself positive feedback, affirm, praise, and accept yourself.

Here's a suggestion:

1. Learn to communicate directly with your parents.

I've found that expressing your feelings is the best way to create intimacy.

2. Don't complain. If your expectations aren't met, you can make a request.

Complaining can easily lead to frustration.

Every complaint is really a cry for help. In this case, you were looking for recognition, respect, and acceptance.

I hope this has been helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll be in touch and we can keep growing together.

It's summer vacation now, so the child will have more time to play with the family. You may have more stories happen under the same roof. You can also discover things that make you feel uncomfortable. For example, did your husband and child ask for your opinion?

They didn't ask if you wanted to go to the next room or join them when they were playing. Maybe they thought you were asleep or didn't feel like including you. In a family, the couple is the core.

You may feel lost or disappointed. You may still expect your husband or children to come to you. When we show that we really need other people, that is often when we are most vulnerable.

As a mother, you worry about your children. This is natural. But you also need to take care of yourself.

You are your husband's wife, and this family needs you. You may also want to feel important, because a family needs a sense of identity. In this way, your family life will be more meaningful.

It may have been a small thing, but it made you feel a lot. If we don't talk, we don't know each other. Even if we do, it takes time. So it's good to talk about your feelings, even if they're bad. You're also worried that loneliness will hurt you.

If you're worried about not integrating with your child or feeling lonely, try the Inner Animal Archetypes test, talk to a counselor, and read books like How to Get Your Child to Learn, You Are Your Child's Best Family, A Good Mother Is Better Than a Good Doctor, The Child and Evil, and Family Ties: Reflections on Family Relationships.

ZQ?

Hello. I can see that you feel conflicted. You feel that your husband is too close to the children and that he lacks initiative towards you. You feel ignored and aggrieved, and you want to enjoy intimacy with your family. However, you feel a sense of shame if you take the initiative. Your inner conflict makes you feel very entangled. I understand how you feel.

You're self-aware. You feel uncomfortable because you feel abandoned. You hope you can get along with your husband and kids, but he interacts with the kids too much. His words show he cares about your sleep, but because he doesn't understand you, they make you feel neglected. You're angry and feel aggrieved that you're not being understood.

You want your husband to pay attention to you and be with you, just as he does with the children.

You want to go over and be with them, but you're afraid. It makes you feel low self-esteem and like you're begging. You're unwilling to face your shame. That's why you want to pretend to be asleep. You're suppressing your true needs and making yourself feel sad.

Express your true feelings and needs in an intimate relationship.

Love is understanding and acceptance. In a good relationship, feelings of vulnerability, shame, and low self-esteem can all be accepted. You cannot accept your own inner vulnerability and fears, so you are unable to face intimacy. You are afraid to be honest with yourself. This is an internal conflict between avoidance and approach.

Tell your husband how you feel. If you trust him, be honest about your vulnerability. Talk to him about it. Tell him you want to be closer to him and your daughter. You need him to care about you.

Tell your loved one how you feel and what you need. Don't be ashamed.

Vulnerability is key to deepening your relationship.

Read "Knowing How to Love – Growing in Intimacy" by Huang Huanxiang and Mai Zhuoji. Love and intimacy are learned. Love is an ability.

In our early years, we didn't learn to express love because our parents didn't teach us. Now you can learn to establish and maintain an intimate relationship, manage your marriage to make your intimacy deeper, and grow in the nourishment of intimacy.

Sincere communication, openness, and spending time together are key to a happy marriage. There will be ups and downs, but with effort, you can learn and grow together.

When both people in a marriage are happy, it's a beautiful love and marriage.

I hope you can get over your troubles and wish you luck.

Hello!

Since we met online, I don't know your nickname. I'd love to know which of the following three you'd prefer: your favorite nickname, or (your child's name)'s mom, or (your husband's surname)'s wife?

This is just how our minds work! It's like a projection of the internal ranking of positions.

"It seems like you really need them." Your thoughts and the mental activity they generate will be perceived by observers as a genuine need for their love, encouragement, and attention.

People who bring you love, encouragement, and attention are such a valuable presence in your life!

And don't forget, if you give love, encouragement, and attention to any member of your family, they should also know how to cherish your value in their hearts.

People have their own unique personalities, but relationships are all connected. This is what it means to be healthy!

It's so important to find something that motivates you and gives you a sense of social value, like volunteering in the community. This will help you eliminate any thoughts of "fear of abandonment."

When you want to show your family how much you love them, just give them a big hug! This shows that you have an open heart and a broad mind.

It's totally okay to ask people for things! There's no need to feel inferior.

It seems like you've fallen into a perfectionist trap, hoping that you'll be needed and noticed as a mother 24/7, and that you'll be needed above all else.

People are not machines, and they need to take it easy! This is especially true in modern society.

It's okay to let go a little. Let your husband take on some of his duties and responsibilities, and then hold hands and share them with each other. I'm sure your family will be happy and harmonious!

It's totally normal to feel a bit insecure sometimes, especially when you're a perfectionist like you! When you underestimate your own value, it can make you fearful, and then you might even start to worry that others are overvalued. These are the instabilities that come from within the self.

I truly believe that only courageous love and the principle of moderation can help to reduce any self-doubt and doubts about the other person.

I'll call you by your nickname, my dear.

Liu Yifei, who played Zhao Pan'er in "Mulan," once said to Sun Sanniang, "Your name is Sun Sanniang, not just Fu Zifang's mother."

I empathize with your situation as a mother myself.

You are a devoted mother and wife, and your children occupy a significant place in your affections. It is reasonable to assume that you hope they will reciprocate your feelings and consider you an equally important figure in their lives.

From your statements, it is evident that your husband and child hold you in high regard.

The child desires to sleep in the adjacent room with the two adults, indicating that he still misses his mother.

Furthermore, your loved one enters your room and observes that you are asleep, yet does not even attempt to rouse you. Why do you perceive that he did not wake you and instead made the decision for you? It is evident that individuals often interpret similar situations in disparate ways. This phenomenon can be attributed to the varying perspectives that each person brings to bear on a given situation. While events themselves are objective, our perception of them can evoke a range of emotions. It is, therefore, crucial to reflect on the underlying reasons for your initial interpretation.

You indicate that you are fearful of being abandoned and experiencing loneliness. Might a similar occurrence have transpired during your childhood that engendered these sentiments?

It is imperative that you act in concert with your husband's line about falling asleep. Otherwise, it will appear as though you are exposing the fact that you did not fall asleep and are still waiting for him, which will make it seem as though you need him a great deal, that he is of great importance and value, and that you cannot sleep without him. What is the underlying motivation behind this behavior?

Indeed, one might argue that your husband and children require your presence and attention. There is no shame in this assertion; in fact, it is beneficial for them to be aware of your needs. You have the option of communicating your needs and feelings to them, and it is important to recognize that verbalizing love is essential for its expression.

In some cases, when an individual's needs are met, the other person may be more inclined to attend to their feelings and make necessary adjustments.

I am curious to know the circumstances of your upbringing. Were you insecure?

Despite the formation of a family unit, a residual sense of insecurity persists within the individual. It is recommended that the individual engage in discourse with their spouse, seeking assistance in the analysis and identification of strategies to enhance feelings of security, thereby facilitating trust within the relationship.

The emotional state of the mother inevitably affects the child, although the extent of this impact can be reduced if the mother is able to identify and address her emotions in a constructive manner. It is my hope that this response will assist the mother in healing and growing, ultimately leading to an increase in her own happiness.