What is the basic principle of the parent-child relationship? Filial piety?Is it to obey and comply?

Hello, I'm Yu Ting, a counselor.

Your problem is understanding the basics of parent-child relationships.

Just obey and agree?

Understanding the problem:

The basic principle of parent-child relationships is mutual respect and independence.

Everyone is different.

Even family members are no exception. You can't force others to live and change according to your will.

You want a better relationship with your mother, but it's hard.

Your mother has high expectations and is dissatisfied with you. You feel helpless in responding to her and long for a more harmonious relationship.

Solution:

I don't know what help you're looking for. To address your dilemma, we can think of two ways to solve it.

Communicate more harmoniously with your mother.

I hope I can be free from my mother's control and influence my emotions.

You can try both.

To understand our mothers, we need to listen to them.

To be free from our mother's influence, we need to strengthen our inner selves. What our mother thinks and says is her own business and has nothing to do with us. We can choose to care about what she says or not.

Summary:

The above two methods may be difficult. If you find it difficult to implement, you can find a counselor or listener to discuss with you the method that suits you. The most important thing to do before solving a problem is to first resolve your own emotions. You have a lot of pent-up emotions towards your mother that have not been released well.

Hello, question asker! After reading your description, it's clear to me that you feel the generation gap between you and your mother is quite serious, and you're having trouble communicating.

From your analogy, it's clear that you and your mother have different ideas. Your mother may be a bit forceful in making you do the things she expects of you, but you have your own ideas that are different from hers!

Because of this, you feel that you and your mother cannot communicate well, and you are very distressed. But there is hope!

This also makes you wonder: What exactly does filial piety mean in a parent-child relationship?

You may feel exhausted when you can only respond to your mother in a perfunctory manner when you cannot communicate well with her. But don't worry! There are plenty of ways to improve your communication with your mother.

You really want to communicate well with your mother! You just need to figure out how.

When it comes to the relationship between parents and children, I think it's so interesting how there can be a generation gap in communication. It could be that the parents' generation lacked knowledge and education and was in an era when information was scarce. Or it could be that they had certain unfulfilled ideals that they wanted to make up for in their children.

For us as children, we are now in an amazing era of abundant educational resources, with a well-developed internet and knowledge sharing, which has made our minds more open and free!

We have our own personal ideas and pursuits. And we have the right to make our own choices about who we want to be and what we don't want to do!

This is different from filial piety. We have the amazing opportunity to choose what we want to do, and we can also show our parents how much we care for them by caring for them and spending time with them.

If you disagree with your parents but really want to do something you really like, you should absolutely stick to your own ideas! Of course, this does not include directly going against your parents.

Because you are the captain of your own ship! You should follow your heart and choose the way you like to live your life.

Now, let's dive into some tips for communicating well with your parents! I'm not sure if they're right for you, but I'm excited to share them with you anyway!

1. When communicating with your parents, try not to bring personal emotions into it. Instead, communicate with them with a calm mind!

2. And don't forget to involve your father too if you can! Have a calm and rational chat with him too.

3. If communicating with your mother and father is ineffective, it is a great idea to also involve other relatives and discuss your thoughts with them so that they can help you communicate with your parents.

If the above method doesn't work, don't worry! There is still the option of temporarily doing things your own way, trying not to conflict with them, and appeasing them first.

And you can do it! You can find ways to make yourself strong. When you are strong, you will have more say, and more people will see that you can take care of yourself.

Love yourself and watch your strength grow! You'll have more choices and life will be less problematic.

You're already on your way to becoming stronger! I can see from your writing that you're a person with your own ideas, someone who wants to make the right choice in every aspect of your life.

Absolutely! There is always a way to solve the issue of how to communicate with your parents.

I really hope my answer helps!

Hello question asker! I'm sending you a hug!

The parent-child relationship is based on equality!

The questioner seems to think you look down on your parents. You seem condescending when you're with them.

You are unhappy with your parents and blame them for your problems. You believe that you are not as good as them, which makes you feel inferior.

I'm not filial. What is filial piety?

How do you gain self-confidence? How do you face your parents?

This may be the issue you're facing.

Filial piety means supporting your parents and obeying their wishes.

Obeying your parents doesn't mean agreeing with them. It comes from the heart. You should respect, recognize, and love your parents. Without them, you wouldn't be here.

Our parents may not be outstanding, and they may not be educated. But we have no choice but to accept them and be grateful for giving us life.

Show your parents more love and gratitude.

You can also gain confidence from reading good books.

You can buy books online to help you with your outlook on life and values. If your parents are not on the right level, you can learn to raise your own level.

How do you maintain equality with your parents? How do you maintain your self-esteem?

It is recommended that you first establish your personal boundaries, maintain a distance from your parents, and appreciate the beauty of distance. You do not have to force yourself to communicate well with your parents. There are the following ways to establish personal boundaries:

Self-esteem and personality traits are linked. For example, high extraversion is linked to low neuroticism. Self-worth is about finding your own value.

Intellectual value and boundaries (you have the right to your own thoughts and opinions).

Your right to have personal emotions in certain situations.

You have the right to your own space.

You have your own friends and social activities.

Spiritual values and boundaries (you have your own beliefs, and so do others).

Filial piety is important, but we can choose not to be influenced by our parents.

We respect and love our parents. We accept their shortcomings and learn from them to become better people.

Dear question asker,

From your description, it appears that your parents frequently criticize you, which elicits a defensive response. I empathize with your situation, particularly the challenge of communicating effectively with your parents. I offer you a remote gesture of support in the form of an embrace.

You indicate that you perceive a generational divide with your parents and that you are unable to communicate effectively. This may be due to your mother's parenting style, which may have instilled in you a rebellious psychology, leading you to perceive her suggestions as incorrect and prompting you to challenge her. This may also result in the generation of negative emotions. Subsequently, when your mother observes that you are unable to adhere to her expectations, she may seek to exert control and engage in abusive behavior.

Indeed, in China, there are numerous parents who exhibit similar tendencies, seeking to exert control over their children through criticism and abuse. These parents also aim to demonstrate their authority over their children, viewing them as their possessions. They fail to provide their children with the necessary autonomy to develop independently. Such parents are, therefore, deemed unqualified.

The current state of communication between you and your parents is suboptimal. There may be deficiencies in the manner in which you express yourself. It is unlikely that your mother is willing to relinquish her position and engage in communication with you in a calm and composed manner. As a potential solution, we could choose to communicate with your father in a calm and composed manner, explaining the problem without emotional involvement. Concurrently, we could endeavor to cultivate independence and maturity by learning to regulate our emotions and promptly addressing challenges. It is probable that your mother will also be influenced by your actions and make certain changes. The key to improving the situation is to enhance your self-confidence and self-esteem while fostering independence.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to you.