What kind of feelings suit me? Why do I lack security and feel dissatisfied?

Hello!

Host:

After reading your post, I can tell you're going through a lot. It's clear you're confused and uncertain, and I'm here to help.

I also want to say that I admire you for facing your own heart and seeking help on this platform. I'm sure it will help you understand yourself better, know your heart, find your core needs, and make choices that suit you.

I'd also like to share some thoughts and observations from the post that I hope will help you see things differently.

1. Let's explore together why you are struggling.

From reading your post, I can see that you're going through a tough time. I totally get why you're feeling confused.

I really feel for you, host. I think you have good reasons and causes for your dilemma. So, let's explore together why you are so worried.

Psychologically speaking, when we see a problem, we've already taken the first step to solving it!

So let's dive in and explore it together! From the post, it seems like both boys have fulfilled some of your needs, right?

For the man you met, he's a great guy! He's there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on, he offers great advice, and he's always there for you when you need a bit of security.

It's just that he doesn't attract you enough, which is totally understandable! For the second guy, what he satisfies you with is your interests and hobbies, which is great!

I'm just not sure my current work situation is stable enough, and I don't know enough about him.

From what you've told me, it seems that neither of these guys can fully meet all of your needs. Is that right?

On the other hand, it seems that the host might not fully understand his own heart and what kind of intimacy he wants. So you're a little unsure about how to choose, right?

2. Is there anyone who can meet all our needs?

We've already looked at the reasons why you're struggling, and we've identified the need.

Then, let's have a chat together about whether there is someone who can meet all our needs. Do you think we could be together even if we have different interests and hobbies?

I really think this exploration is very meaningful to you, the original poster. And I also think that no one can meet all our needs.

We truly believe that there is someone out there who can meet all of our needs, just like the prince in a fairy tale. But, we know that this is just a fantasy, and that it might be a bit unrealistic.

It's not true that the happiest people are the ones whose partners fulfill all their needs. We're all limited in what we can do, and our partners may not always be around.

So, they might not be able to meet all of our needs. And that's okay! We can't expect anyone to meet all of our needs anyway. So, what can we do in this situation?

Maybe we can start by understanding what's most important to us and figuring out our core needs. Once we know what's most important to us, it'll be easier to make choices.

At this time, we can make a choice, and it will be much easier. So, the original poster just needs to explore themselves a little, ask their inner self, and find out what they want most. You can use some elimination methods, write down all your needs, cross out the unimportant ones, and keep the last few, which are often very important to us.

3. Learning and improving

Many of us could really benefit from a deeper understanding of intimate relationships. When we were young, adults told us to avoid reading, and when we graduated, they often told us to get married.

But they forget that we don't have a lot of experience and learning, and many times we don't know how to choose. So, for the original poster, the current confusion and confusion may be an opportunity.

Take this chance to learn more about relationships! It'll help you understand yourself better, and that can really help you grow. You can read psychology books or take courses on relationships. Either way, you'll learn a lot!

I'd highly recommend checking out "If Only I Knew Before Marriage" and "Intimate Relationships" by Huang Qituan. They're fantastic!

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for you! I'm a heart exploration coach on the platform, and I'm here to help. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for a chat service. One-on-one communication is the best way to grow and explore!

Everyone is a beacon. Ask questions or answer them—words can illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is a power we all share.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach, Fei Yun, and I understand exactly how you feel. You are torn between two opposite-sex friends. From the text, it is clear that you are more impressed by the blind date and more in love with this guy.

Let's discuss this together.

Love gives us that fluttering feeling in our stomach.

When you are happy and content together, and cannot bear to be apart, and when you miss each other when you are not together, then you know you are in love.

Four years after graduation, you want a real love and to be able to join hands with him on the path of life.

We are all bound by the idea that "anyone who doesn't marry their lover is a scoundrel." If there is no spark and you don't want to develop the relationship further, you're wasting your time and feelings.

With such a binding relationship, you simply don't compare or choose because it would be like "sailing on two boats" and an emotional "betrayal."

I believe there is nothing wrong with the way many young people nowadays try out marriage and have their assets notarized before marriage to enhance the quality of their relationship and marriage.

Society is developing and times are changing. It's time for our thinking to change as well. If you don't get along and don't communicate, you won't know if the two of you are right for each other.

My advice to you is to let go of your mental baggage and continue spending time with your blind date. Don't be one-sided or in a hurry to jump to conclusions. You may miss the person you are meant to be with if you do.

This boyfriend is not your Mr. Right. You can get to know each other as friends. It's impossible to define the relationship between a man and a woman. There's friendship, there's love, and some people even talk about a third kind of relationship.

All of this must be developed and revealed through interactions with each other.

Let's talk about the criteria for choosing a spouse.

You have a good sense of purpose and are a very responsible person. Many people are lucky and happy after encountering love and simply walk straight into marriage.

Many people have happy marriages without passionate love.

I want to be clear that relationships and marriage require active nurturing from both parties. The key to true love is to fully commit in both directions. Even unrequited love can be saddening.

A perfect relationship and a happy marriage require a few adjustments. You were right: the adjustment of the two people's interests and hobbies (love at first sight/kindred spirits/like-minded), the adjustment of the two people's living habits (marriage is long-term, and the more trivial matters the more it tests the relationship), and the adjustment of the two families/clans.

When the above three points are combined, we often say that they are a "good match." A partner relationship requires mutual respect and equality. These are not things that are only examined and understood after entering into marriage. They are things that must be worked on during the process of falling in love and getting to know each other.

Read the book If Only I Knew Before Marriage. It's a practical love manual that will teach you how to find the right partner.

I know the above has provided you with a new perspective, more choices, and the world and I love you.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Dear girl,

It's not that you're not satisfied, but that human nature cannot be satisfied. Or to be more precise, the normal state of human nature is a mixture of occasional satisfaction and chronic hunger. The former gives people the energy to keep moving forward, while the latter is the ultimate driving force that inspires people to keep exploring and moving forward. So you can rest assured that the psychological feeling of dissatisfaction is normal and a correct physiological feedback. And it's a great thing! It means you're alive and kicking!

What we need to do is not just satisfy all our desires, but get used to coexisting with them and even find the perfect place for them! For example, when we were children, we all looked forward to toys, but we couldn't have them all. So, in the midst of our hunger and thirst for toys, we learned to prioritize, share with friends, make our own toys, or combine old toys to play new games! These countless variations or substitutes for toys filled our childhood with happy memories, rather than constantly buying new toys.

Here's a great way to understand the choice of a spouse in marriage: find a big partner who can have fun with you! The interests, hobbies, and values that the host has repeatedly emphasized can be understood as indicators of your commitment and focus on the game itself. How can you be sure that the person sitting across from you is your game partner?

In addition to the important details like account levels, online time, and equipment, we're going to focus on the really exciting stuff: operating techniques! These techniques are not only about talent and practice, but also about understanding each other. And that's true in marriage too! Interests, hobbies, and values are the building blocks of a relationship, while attention and devotion are the operating techniques. Whether he's attentive, values you, and is willing to reserve a seat for you in his future life are the key to making the relationship even better!

If the host is looking for a sense of security in marriage, then it's an excellent opportunity to make some adjustments to the foundation!

Security can come from so many sources, both internal and external! Internal security comes from self-confidence. When you are strong enough, you can support yourself and no longer be afraid to try. Even if you are still afraid, you have the courage to face it!

The sense of security that extroverts seek comes from the outside, such as the care that parents show their children, the mutual support between husband and wife, and the loyalty of friends. It's so important to feel secure, and it's something we can all achieve! Security comes from being able to entrust someone, and the source of your sense of security is the person to whom you can entrust yourself.

If you want to find security in marriage, you have to understand that this sense of security is essentially dependence, that is, entrusting yourself to another person. This sense of security comes from trust. This trust is precious, but it is really scarce, especially nowadays. So, embrace it!

What kind of security is the host talking about? If it's an extroverted search, it's not easy to find, but it's definitely worth looking for! If it's an introverted one, then people who take time to recharge, improve themselves, and boost their confidence will feel more secure.

Good day, my name is Jianlin, and I am a psychotherapist.

I have recently devoted a considerable amount of time to studying the issue at hand. It is evident that the individual in question was initially introduced to you during a period of personal and professional transition. At the time, you were experiencing a degree of discontentment with your sentiments and feelings towards him. However, due to his unwavering persistence, you began to perceive a sense of security. Consequently, you engaged in some degree of intimacy and maintained a romantic relationship with him.

Subsequently, another individual emerged in your life. This person possesses a multitude of advantages and evokes a profoundly positive emotional response in you.

As a result, you have developed feelings of affection. When these two emotions converged in your emotional center, you became hesitant and wavering.

You are uncertain about the trajectory of your prospective relationship and the optimal course of action. You are undecided on whether to maintain your current romantic partnership.

You are uncertain as to the appropriate course of action regarding this individual with whom you have developed a romantic interest. You have even contemplated the possibility of a social engagement between the two of you.

In terms of choice and sentiment, I can fully comprehend your predicament.

Given the long-term nature of this decision, it is imperative to exercise caution and make an informed choice.

Let us begin with the emotional aspect. It is evident that the individual you encountered through a matchmaking service does not share your level of affinity.

It can be argued that there is a discrepancy in interests and hobbies between the two individuals. It is evident that the level of intimacy and dependence developed between the two was largely due to the persistence of the latter.

It is therefore essential to consider your requirements in great detail. If your objective is merely physical,

Subsequently, after a period of time, the emotional state will return to its original equilibrium. During this period, it is essential to maintain and manage emotions in order to achieve the optimal state of compatibility and mutual understanding.

It is therefore necessary to consider whether the emotions currently experienced for the individual in question will be able to reach the aforementioned state in the future.

In the case of the individual we subsequently encountered, his interests and hobbies aligned with our criteria for a prospective spouse. It is worth noting that he also exhibited admirable qualities, and we ourselves also exhibited a degree of self-doubt and insecurity.

I do not believe that this is the primary reason. Additionally, we have not yet had the opportunity to develop a significant relationship with this individual.

Ultimately, the decision hinges on one's personal feelings and sensations. It is important to recognize that there are numerous factors, both known and unknown, that contribute to the complexity of the situation.

One might inquire as to the nature of his feelings towards her. Presently, their sentiments are situated within the realm of aspiration and desire.

It is unclear whether our feelings will remain as they are when we get to know each other better. Similarly, it is difficult to predict what our future relationship will entail.

A comparison of the two men based on feelings reveals that the second boy evokes more positive emotions than the first. This is undoubtedly the most crucial factor influencing your decision-making process.

It may be beneficial to simultaneously cultivate both relationships and conduct a more comprehensive comparison.

It is imperative to select the optimal candidate when choosing a spouse. The ideal partner will be a kindred spirit who is similar in all aspects, as this will facilitate a harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

However, there is also a saying that no one is perfect. In terms of emotions and life experiences,

The presence of flaws may vary in degree. Their acceptance or tolerance depends on the individual.

It is worth noting that attempting to maintain two romantic relationships simultaneously is inadvisable.

Such actions inevitably result in pain for all parties involved. Therefore, it is essential to exercise caution in one's decision-making and strive to maintain a balance in one's relationships.

It is often asserted that time is a great healer. If one is uncertain about one's current choice or lacks clarity about one's true desires, it may be advisable to allow time to provide resolution.

It is recommended that you continue to work things out with your current boyfriend and attempt to reach an agreement with him. It would be beneficial to ascertain whether you can achieve an optimal state for the two of you together.

Concurrently, it is advisable to maintain a certain degree of emotional distance from the individual in question. Over time, it will become evident that there are certain differences between him and you.

Subsequently, an evaluation of his capacity to accept and accommodate certain issues and imperfections can be conducted.

It is now time to make a final decision.

The key to this process is to engage in a fusion development with your current boyfriend while maintaining a distance from the boy you have a crush on.

Furthermore, one can engage in a profound examination of the standards they hold for a romantic partner, their own needs, and the potential for a partner to meet those needs more effectively. It is crucial to prioritize self-care and avoid actions that may cause harm. It is essential to understand one's own feelings and needs in order to make informed decisions about relationships.

The aforementioned scenarios pertain to the two relationships you encountered during a period of personal adversity, which have caused you some confusion. We have conducted an in-depth examination of these relationships with the aim of providing you with assistance. We extend our gratitude for your participation.

The questioner's problem is akin to having to choose between the fish and the bear's paw. They must decide whether to choose the fish or the bear's paw. The answer to this question is within themselves. To decide whether they want the fish or the bear's paw, they must have a clear goal in mind. This will enable them to make the appropriate choice.

Let me be clear: if the questioner chooses a blind date, they must be ready to give the relationship their all. It's simple: if you want a successful relationship, you have to be ready to give your partner your all. So, let's make an analogy. Imagine the questioner's blind date is a fish. In order to make the most of the relationship, the questioner must have the space to allow the fish to give the best of itself. In other words, if the questioner chooses a blind date, they must also have the ability and value to make the blind date willing to be with them and to develop a successful relationship. Only in this way can the two people get along well and develop a stable relationship that can go further.

Let me be clear: relationships are a reciprocal exchange of value. Both parties must feel that the amount they give is worth it to be with the other person. They must not care if they are taking advantage of the other person. They just use their own sacrifice to exchange for the other person's care of equal value. The value here is not a quantity that can be measured by a scale. It is a feeling of self. Please do not take it out of context.

If the questioner lacks the corresponding abilities and values, even if the two get together, they will later fall out due to some problems. It's like choosing a "fish" and then going home to find that you don't have the corresponding conditions at home to keep the "fish" alive, and you have to throw it away.

Similarly, if the questioner chooses another man, he or she also needs to have the corresponding conditions and abilities. This is the same as choosing a "fish." No matter what choice the questioner makes, he or she needs to have the corresponding abilities and conditions first. Here are a few questions the questioner needs to figure out for himself or herself: first, what kind of relationship do you want?

Second, you need to figure out what kind of emotional life your abilities can support. Third, you need to decide which boy can give you the kind of emotional life you want.

Fourth, you need to consider whether two guys in real life can give you the ideal relationship you want. If not, you need to decide what you can choose from. If you can sort out these questions, you will solve the problem you are facing.

Hello, I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for trusting us and being willing to tell us your problems in order to get help. You are confused about what emotions suit you and why you lack a sense of security and are not easily satisfied.

After reading your self-description, I will answer your questions.

1. State

You have recently encountered some difficulties that have caused you to experience insomnia.

After reading your description, I have identified two main issues that you are currently facing:

1. You are uncertain about the object and the criteria for choosing a spouse.

2. You are uncertain about what the right job is.

You don't know what to do. You think about it over and over again without an answer, which causes anxiety and insomnia.

1. The person you are set up with

When I was at my worst after leaving my job, the person I was seeing gave me company and advice on finding a job. I rejected him several times during that period because he wasn't attractive enough to me, but he was persistent and gave me a sense of security. We had a close relationship.

There is a lack of common interests and hobbies.

Your feelings are clear.

You feel the same way about your current partner as you did about your first love. He is considerate and loving when you are at your worst, and he has been there for you through difficult times. He has also given you advice on finding a job. You should be grateful to him.

However, you have rejected him a few times because his personality is not the type you like. Despite having had intimate encounters and feeling secure with him, you still feel that your interests and hobbies are not aligned, and there is a gap between you and your ideal lover.

He is a stalker.

Your blind date is someone who has fewer interests than you. You lack common interests and hobbies. You have rejected him a few times, thinking that he is not attractive enough.

He is a stalker. He is the type of person who is clingy and feels restless and anxious when he is away from you.

Your personality is as follows:

From your description, I can tell that your blind date is considerate, gentle, not very interested in many things, and clingy. He has the characteristics of a calm personality and an anxious attachment type.

A calm personality is defined by the following characteristics:

Characteristics: slow and deliberate, cautious, gentle and stable, seeking harmony.

Pros: Easy-going, adaptable, thoughtful, tolerant.

Cons: He's slow and lazy, not easily repentant, not fond of expressing emotions, and an indifferent bystander.

People with an anxious attachment style invest all their emotions in a relationship. However, they often find that the other person does not want the relationship to develop as intimately as they would like. This lack of intimacy makes them feel uneasy. In some cases, they even worry that their partner does not value them as much as they value the other person.

Anxious attachment types are always vigilant in intimate relationships, constantly pondering every move of the other person. They are afraid of unstable relationships and insecure, so they act clingy and give the impression of being obsessive.

2. You

Then another guy appeared, who shared my interests, was more hardworking, and had stronger work skills. I was obviously more interested in this second guy, so we would chat from time to time to get to know each other better, even though we hadn't met yet. But I haven't yet reached a stable state of work that meets my ideals.

I know that if I give up on the person I'm seeing, I won't necessarily catch a second guy. But when I'm in a normal state, I know exactly what I want in a spouse. My ideal is someone with similar values and hobbies, and I'm not looking for someone with high material expectations.

My ideal partner has the following characteristics:

From your description, I understand your criteria for choosing a spouse: first, similar interests; second, hardworking, strong work ethic, and motivated; third, values, not materialistic. You are looking for someone whose character is compatible with your pursuit of the spiritual world.

You're interested in the second guy you met, and you're in an online relationship with him. He's your ideal partner, but you're afraid that after giving up the first blind date, you may not be able to win the second guy's favor because your job is still unstable.

You lack confidence in your relationships and your work.

Character

From your previous description, it is clear that you are a girl who actively strives for improvement. You don't want to waste time, don't have high materialistic demands, value the spiritual world, and have high demands. At the very least, you want to have the same interests and hobbies. You are confident in yourself.

You are a melancholic personality with an avoidant attachment style.

People with a melancholic personality have:

You are a thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic person who pursues truth, goodness, and beauty.

Strengths: You are delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, talented, and insightful.

Your weaknesses are that you can be stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, and pessimistic, as well as passive.

You are delicate, introverted, lack self-confidence, and are therefore prone to indecision and fear. You are relatively pessimistic and passive, lack a sense of security, and therefore need help, understanding, and support.

Let's talk about avoidant attachment types. These people often have a tendency to fear intimacy and reject trusting others. They often withdraw before the relationship can change for the better, are suspicious and cold towards love, and believe that others are unreliable or too eager to make commitments.

You are an avoidant attachment type, plain and simple. You want to escape intimacy, plain and simple. Your blind date kept pursuing you after you refused to go out with him because you had expressed your interest in different things. You didn't reject your lover when he stayed by your side and comforted you during your career slump. You did have an intimate relationship with him after he had stalked you.

However, when you find a second ideal man, you begin to feel conflicted inside, hesitant, and avoid further deepening of the intimate relationship with the first blind date.

3. Work status

You have also changed jobs several times due to a lack of adaptability and immaturity.

Your indecisive character also affects your career development. You have changed jobs several times because you cannot adapt to your work and your own immaturity.

You clearly don't know your strengths. You're unsure of who you are and what you're suited for. You need direction and guidance.

You can't leave the person you're dating for the time being, and you're so restless because of this.

2. Confusion You are confused about your next steps.

After watching the documentary "Married to the End of the World," I was struck by the purity of the emotions it conveyed. Is it possible for me to get to know multiple guys at the same time?

After all, it's been four years since graduation, and one's energy is limited. I felt a bit lacking in energy with my first blind date, and I wasn't at my best.

I haven't seen the documentary "Married to the End of the World," but from the introduction, it's clear that people who marry in a foreign country have overcome various obstacles and possess the strength of character and resilience to get to where they are today. The happiness you see has not come easily.

They have to face discrimination and feelings of loneliness brought about by cultural, personality, and racial differences on their own, which is far more than you can handle with pure feelings. If that were the case, the world would be as pure and flawless as a fairy tale.

You don't feel there's a significant dilemma holding you back.

You want to keep your relationships pure and less materialistic, just as you want to pursue the spiritual world and enhance your spiritual pursuits. You value these things highly and see them as a sign of high energy.

Falling in love and getting to know people are two completely different things. Falling in love should be serious, and so should the relationship.

And you can meet and get to know as many people as you want, as you said. What bothers and angers you now is not how many people you should know, but that after four years of work you are still wondering and anxious about what kind of person to talk to.

Your lack of energy and readiness for marriage are directly related to your work situation. Your desire for a pure love life indicates that you are ready to get married.

3. Solving problems

You must address two major issues affecting your work and choice of partner. The first is your lack of knowledge about your suitability for a particular role. The second is your lack of understanding of the dynamics of work and marriage. These issues cause you significant difficulties. To resolve them, you must take the following steps.

1. Improve awareness.

You will never improve your energy through the guidance of others or external forces. You can only achieve this through improving your own understanding.

Awareness is key.

Cognition includes the cognition of three views: knowledge, work skills, and abilities. You must have a comprehensive understanding of all aspects to handle work, study, marriage, family, and interpersonal relationships with ease and confidence.

Improve.

Set aside some time to fill in the gaps, start learning about related areas, and practice deliberately. For example, marriage values: understand what the correct marriage values are, how to establish a good intimate relationship, etc.

For example, you must know what effective communication is and how to have productive conversations. This will be very helpful for you in the future in terms of managing your marriage, maintaining your job, and improving your efficiency.

Know yourself.

Discover your strengths.

You used to change jobs frequently because you didn't know your strengths well enough. This led to a dilemma where the job didn't suit you or you didn't adapt to the job.

Find your strengths, do work that suits you, make the most of your strengths, and achieve results in your strong areas. This will increase your energy and grow your self-confidence.

Give yourself confidence.

You don't need to know how to do everything right away. Take it step by step and before you know it, you'll be an expert.

You must motivate yourself to gain confidence. Cheer yourself on and give yourself a boost.

Reward yourself promptly for your work success. Recognize your own progress. Give yourself a sense of achievement and pride. Enhance your sense of self-worth. With these self-motivations, your work enthusiasm will increase and your confidence will multiply.

You can find a job and a work rhythm that suits you without the guidance of others. You can quickly get into the swing of things and adapt to the work.

3. Develop a positive outlook on marriage and love.

Your marriage outlook is the basic understanding and attitude you have towards marriage problems. It is one of the components of your outlook on life.

A correct view of marriage is based on the principle that it must be founded on love and that both parties must be willing participants. There must be a deep mutual understanding, a common ideological foundation, mutual respect, and a mutual attraction between the two parties before they can become husband and wife and form a family.

Marriages arranged by parents for financial gain, social status, or power are contrary to the socialist view of marriage.

I agree with your criteria for choosing a spouse. It is important to focus on the spiritual as a non-material aspect. However, it is also necessary to understand one's own character and the other person's character. This allows you to feel secure and gives the other person a sense of security. Only in this way can the intimate relationship be harmonious.

You must choose the right person.

If you value emotional intimacy, you must choose someone who is sentimental and loyal. If you value people with a spiritual world, you should choose someone with the same interests. No one is perfect, but character is important, as is taking responsibility.

You must manage it.

Intimate relationships must be built during the courtship stage and managed well once you enter into marriage. This affects whether your future marriage will be happy and fulfilling. There is a way to manage intimate relationships, called the language of love.

The five languages of love:

Everyone has a different understanding of love, and the way they express and receive love is likely to be different. There's no question about it. Dr. Gary Chapman categorizes the way people express and receive love into five "languages of love": "affirming words," "quality time," "exchange of gifts," "acts of service," and "physical touch."

Affirming words are essential for deepening relationships, whether you're friends, colleagues, lovers, or husband and wife.

Special moments are wonderful times and memories that you share together, such as a candlelit dinner or doing something meaningful together. During these times, give your full attention to the other person.

Accepting gifts: Exchanging gifts on important holidays is a ritual that will bind your relationship.

Service actions: Do what the other person wants you to do and make them happy. It's as simple as that.

Physical contact, such as holding hands or hugging, can increase feelings for each other and is a clear manifestation of love.

You need to know that dating is the beginning of an intimate relationship that needs to be nurtured. This is the foundation for your future together, whether you marry or not, and whether you are happy or not. It doesn't matter whether you continue to date the person you met on a blind date, or date a second guy or a third guy you met.

You absolutely cannot underestimate its importance.

I am confident that these suggestions will be of some help in making your decision.

I wish you the very best. Be happy!

It seems you're facing a challenging situation. You've encountered two potential partners: one you met through a matchmaking service, who provides a sense of security but may not fully align with your expectations, and another you met online (you haven't yet met in person), with whom you've established a strong connection. However, you're hesitant about moving forward with either of them, due to concerns about potential disappointment.

You're interested in taking the relationship with the second guy to the next level, but you're also feeling a bit uncertain about whether it will work out. I think it's natural to feel this way when you have two or even three options to choose from.

After all, nobody is perfect, and it takes time and effort to get to know someone. Attempting to get to know several people at the same time is challenging, especially if you want to do it with all your heart.

Let's consider the characteristics of these two boys. First boy: 1. You met through a matchmaker, which means that you both have relatives or friends who know each other in real life and have some understanding of your situation. At least you have a preliminary choice of character and basic family information.

Ultimately, whether you two can get along depends on your own fate. From the outside, the two of you may seem like a good match, but it's also important to consider whether you like this boy and whether you get along. As for the family, it will likely require less effort.

2. It seems that the boy is quite content with you and is therefore pursuing you quite intensely. He offers you companionship and advice when you are feeling uncertain about leaving your job, which makes you feel warm and safe. 3. You and this boy don't share many interests, so you probably don't have much in common when you chat, which may sometimes leave you feeling a bit mentally unsatisfied. So although you feel like you have this person by your side, you may still feel a little lonely sometimes.

1. Since you have never met, you met him online. It seems like you have a good impression of him because you have common interests and even similar views, which might have aroused your interest in communicating with him.

2. The other person tells you that he is hardworking and has a strong work ethic, but it would be wise to verify this in reality, rather than relying solely on what he tells you. I hope you can be careful about this and not be blind.

I would gently suggest that there is no inherent problem with wanting to understand two people at the same time. It simply depends on the method. You mentioned that you had a close relationship with the first boy, so it may be challenging to maintain a similar level of intimacy with the second boy.

Such behavior is generally considered immoral and socially unacceptable. In most cases, an intimate relationship implies an official dating status.

If you get to know each other as ordinary friends, it's not a big problem. However, if you also want to get to know each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, it might be more challenging. You may lack the energy to maintain two relationships. Can you guarantee that these two boys will still be with you when they know about each other? Our social morality might view this as playing with emotions and treating emotions irresponsibly.

It might be worth considering that playing with fire and not being recognized could have consequences. It might be helpful to think carefully before making a decision.

I believe you have the capacity to discern what is best for your heart. 1. Do you desire this relationship to culminate in marriage? You mentioned that you graduated four years ago, which would make you at least 26 years old.

It might be said that this is an ideal time to fall in love and get married. It seems important, then, to cherish the person in front of you.

2. Have you ever considered what kind of married life you would really want? As the saying goes, no matter how beautiful the moon in the sky is, you still have to bend down to pick up the sixpence.

Ultimately, no matter how spiritually compatible you are, it will come down to the practicalities of life. You say you don't care about material things, but think about it: when someone else is living in this big, bright house while you're renting a small one, don't you feel a certain resentment towards life and your other half's lack of ability?

Do you think you'll just keep accepting it? Given that you've moved on from the first guy, it might be challenging to go back to him.

So, at that time, would you perhaps think differently? 4. No matter which boy you are with, have you ever considered how to manage your relationship?

How do you handle disagreements? It's not realistic to expect a man to always give in to you.

It would be prudent for many girls to choose someone who loves them.

I respectfully suggest that you consider reading Socrates' "The Story of the Biggest Ear of Wheat." It offers a compelling perspective on the nuances of life and the importance of seizing happiness in the moment. I hope this story can serve as a source of inspiration and guidance as you navigate your choices.

Hello, host! I'm July.

After reading your description, I understand your question better. I'm here for you.

The two men you mentioned both satisfy your need for love, but both have some uncontrollable factors. This makes you anxious and unsure which one to choose.

It's normal to have these thoughts. Everyone weighs the pros and cons. You're not just hanging out with someone, you're planning for the rest of your life. You're more anxious and can't see clearly in the short term.

Be spontaneous and free, especially when it comes to love. Don't let conventions hold you back. If you want to find the right love, try and experience it. Age shouldn't be a reason to bind a person.

I have also summarized some methods to help you.

(1) Face your thoughts and act on them.

(2) Once you've made a decision, own it.

(3) Age should not be a problem. Try more. Finding a good relationship is a process of trial and error. You'll probably find a love that suits you.

(4) Have more courage, don't be afraid of change, and believe that you will have many possibilities. Take your time and try.

(5) You can chat with a friend and release your emotions.

I love you!

Take care!

#Hello, I'm Gu Yi! I may be modest and self-effacing, but I am consistent!

A good relationship is all about mutual attraction!

From your description, I can see that you have a strong emotional tendency towards both the first guy and the second guy. It's totally normal to feel this way! It's just that you're still figuring out which one is right for you. And that's okay! The multiple-choice question of choosing between the two is quite difficult, but you've got this!

But dear questioner, it's so important to understand what our true inner needs are! The first one can give you a wonderful sense of security and satisfy your heart's deepest desires, and the second one can have common topics with you. Then I want to tell the questioner that the real sense of security comes from within, and all good relationships must also have a common direction of conversation.

The journey of falling in love is an incredible process of finding the perfect partner. It's so important to feel loved and to be able to give that feeling of security in return. I truly hope you can go with your heart and find the most amazing relationship for you!

You absolutely need to fight for your relationship!

People always hope that many things will just go naturally, but not everything is as obvious as the changing of the seasons in nature. For this reason, we get to make some effort ourselves, fight for it, and rush to find out if it suits us!

When you're not sure what to do or choose, don't choose for now. If you're not someone who cares too much about material things, it means we value emotional needs more! It's also because of the lack of emotional care in the past.

Your work status should never get in the way of your emotional state! A good relationship is something that needs to be nurtured from both sides. I really hope you can manage yourself well, choose the right relationship for you, follow your heart, and you will always reach the ideal shore! So don't worry, take your time getting to know each other!

Wishing you the very best!

Good day, young lady. I can discern the confusion you are facing, and I offer you a hug.

The issues you are currently experiencing can be attributed to your upbringing. I offer you my support and encouragement in the form of a warm embrace.

You inquire as to the cause of your lack of security and persistent feelings of dissatisfaction.

This issue can be traced back to the infantile stage of development.

It is plausible that during the infantile period, each instance of vocalization was met with maternal disregard and the continuation of her own activities.

As a result, when you reach adulthood, you will experience heightened feelings of insecurity in the world.

In such a scenario, it would be advisable to seek the guidance of a professional counselor.

A counselor is better equipped to adopt a third-party perspective, free from bias and preconceptions, and to maintain an objective stance, thereby providing more pertinent, useful, and constructive advice.

Given that your current problem falls within the domain of the original family, it would be preferable for you to seek assistance from a professional counselor rather than an instant listener.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to identify an effective solution to the problem you are currently facing in the near future.

At this juncture, I am only able to consider these matters.

It is my sincere hope that the responses I have provided are both helpful and inspiring to you, young lady. I am the answer, and I dedicate myself to rigorous daily study.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and the entire world. Best wishes!

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the most valuable asset one can possess.

From the description provided, it is evident that the subject is experiencing a multitude of internal conflicts, including confusion, entanglement, anxiety, worry, and pain.

I will refrain from discussing the difficulties you have experienced in your romantic relationships. However, I will provide three pieces of advice for your consideration.

First and foremost, it is imperative to ascertain one's personal criteria for selecting a spouse.

This is the key to making an informed decision regarding the suitability of a prospective partner. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to determine whether a relationship aligns with their personal values and expectations.

It is important to note that there is no such thing as a perfect partner or person. It is essential to identify your own criteria for choosing a spouse and to be realistic about what you can and cannot live with.

You indicated that your ideal match is more aligned with the second category, particularly in terms of shared values, mutual interests, and a modest materialistic outlook. This raises the question of why you are still hesitating. What aspects of your blind date partner are causing you difficulty?

What are your primary values? Do your hobbies truly represent your most important interests?

This necessitates an understanding of one's own objective and rational criteria for selecting a spouse.

Furthermore, it is important to note that a positive relationship is the result of a mutual decision. While you have established clear and reasonable criteria for selecting a partner, it is also essential to evaluate your own suitability, including in relation to your initial partner.

Secondly, it is recommended that the following criteria be employed in order to ascertain whether there is a genuine compatibility between you and your blind date.

The suitability of two individuals for one another must be evaluated based on their interactions, in addition to the objective and rational criteria that inform dating decisions.

You have engaged in intimate relationships with the individual you are currently seeing, and he continues to provide you with a sense of security. Your hesitation also indicates that there is still a degree of attraction towards him. If he continues to meet the majority of your criteria for a partner, you may wish to consider the following criteria: Do you have a strong emotional attachment? Do you consider each other to be the most important and only person for each other? When you are together, do you respond to each other in a timely manner, or do you mostly talk about yourselves? Do you like him, or does he like you? Do you like each other as people, or do you find each other useful?

As you engage in introspective reflection regarding the nature of your interactions, you may also benefit from considering whether this particular blind date is an optimal match for your needs and preferences.

If the individual with whom one is in a relationship does not meet the criteria for a suitable partner or if there is a lack of genuine affection in the relationship, it is important to carefully consider the nature of the relationship. If one is not genuinely happy in the relationship, even if the individual is a persistent and unwelcome presence, it will be challenging to maintain a positive outlook in the long term. The foundation for happiness is a genuine affinity and positive regard for the other person.

Moreover, if a relationship has been established with the appropriate partner (based on the aforementioned indications of intimacy), it would be prudent to refrain from excessive consideration of other potential partners, as loyalty is an essential aspect of any relationship.

In the event that a prospective partner has been terminated or has been made explicitly aware that the relationship is untenable, it is permissible to pursue other romantic interests.

It is recommended that you allow yourself a period of reflection and allow the status of your relationship with your match to evolve naturally.

In the event that a decision has yet to be reached, it is recommended that time be allotted for the following two purposes: firstly, to gain a deeper understanding of the individual in question, and secondly, to ascertain whether a genuine connection has been established and whether the relationship is aligned with one's long-term goals and aspirations. Additionally, it is essential to recognise the influence of external factors, such as one's professional circumstances and personal well-being, which may require a period of adjustment. It is therefore advisable to adopt a measured approach and allow time for reflection before making a decision.

In the event that one has already determined that the individual in question does not align with one's preferences, it is possible to communicate this clearly and then initiate contact with the second individual who is of greater interest, including arranging a meeting, even in the absence of a stable employment situation. This is because, if there is a genuine connection, the specific circumstances of one's employment are not a primary consideration. The fundamental aspect of romantic attachment is the intrinsic value placed on the other person, regardless of external factors such as employment status.

This process may also facilitate the ability to make informed decisions.

In conclusion, if one wishes to deviate from the status quo, it is first necessary to ascertain whether the criteria used to select a spouse are rational and objective. These criteria can then be employed to evaluate the suitability of the individual in question. It is also advisable to allow sufficient time for the answer to emerge, as this may require a period of reflection.

Furthermore, you inquired as to the cause of your lack of security and dissatisfaction. It is a common phenomenon that when one's work is unstable and their relationships are unsatisfactory, they will experience a sense of insecurity. It is human nature to desire growth and progress; thus, it is recommended that you initially accept your current circumstances and yourself, and then you may be able to improve. This may appear to be a paradoxical assertion, but it is, in fact, an accurate representation of reality, as change is contingent upon the absence of change.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the option entitled "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" located at the foot of this page. This will enable me to communicate with you on an individual basis.

It is important to recognize that a simple meal, such as a bowl of rice and soup, can be sufficient. It is unlikely that anyone in the world is perfect.

When confronted with challenges, it is essential to maintain composure and avoid excessive negative emotional responses such as sadness, worry, or distress. As individuals, we possess the capacity for a range of emotions, including love, hate, passion, and sorrow. Our experiences shape our emotional landscape, and it is crucial to cultivate a sense of calm and address challenges effectively. However, in the context of relationships, the dynamics are often reversed. It is imperative to recognize that a reliable source of support is often the quiet self.

"The outer shell of the skin is idle, and the interesting soul is addicted to being single." It is important to consider whether a standard exists within one's heart. It is crucial to understand that no individual can be considered perfect. The most meaningful relationship is one that endures until the end of one's life.

It is important to understand that the primary objective in life is not to find love, but to discover one's own sense of happiness. We are alone in the transient beauty of flowers blooming and falling, and we have not fully awakened from our dreams. It is essential to ask oneself why this is so. Furthermore, it is necessary to consider the following question: if I have not yet found myself, how can I possibly find my other half?

As human beings, our brain cells have long since informed us that human emotions appear to be an invisible net that is not visible or tangible.

It is inevitable that we will encounter difficulties in relationships, and it is therefore unfeasible to expect a perfect relationship. However, it is possible to identify the most suitable partner based on their ability to remain committed to the relationship over time.

Let us examine these words and phrases, beginning with the simplest and progressing to the more complex. It is advisable to seek out a partner who shares one's interests and hobbies, and whose interests are also aligned with one's own. This individual is the one with whom one has a strong connection and with whom one has a genuine need to interact.

While love is a primary consideration, establishing eye contact can be challenging. It is essential to recognize that individuals possess unique strengths and weaknesses. It is rare for two individuals to be perfectly complementary; one may possess a superior family background but a less attractive appearance, while the other may have a more appealing appearance but a less advantageous family background. It is crucial to prioritize the individual who can provide the greatest sense of security and happiness. It is often the case that one cannot simultaneously possess both love and wealth. It is important to select the individual who aligns better with your situation. This decision should be based on your shared telepathic connections, similar worldviews, and living habits. This will facilitate a happy future together.

A lack of eye contact or empathy with another individual may indicate a lack of affinity or liking for that person. Those who achieve remarkable feats are often characterized by their perseverance. Individuals who possess innate talent are often perceived as being of value. The suggestion to simply disband the group is presented as a joke, and therefore should not be taken seriously. It is evident that these two individuals are not particularly well-liked. Consequently, they will not be selected. It is recommended that individuals seek out their own sources of happiness and form relationships with individuals who can understand them and provide them with care. This approach has the potential to lead to long-term happiness.

We will now address the issue of your insomnia, which is of greatest concern to me. In traditional Chinese medicine, insomnia is referred to as "not being able to sleep," "not being able to lie down," and "eyes not closing." It is a disease characterized by an inability to eliminate fatigue, restore physical strength and energy, and, more significantly, to obtain a normal night's sleep.

Mild cases include difficulty initiating sleep, sleep onset but early awakening, awakening and inability to resume sleep, occasional nocturnal awakenings, and even sleep accompanied by vivid dreams. Severe cases include inability to sleep for the entire night, or even the onset of headaches, dizziness, and forgetfulness.

However, I do not consider this to be an issue. My friend has a story in her heart and is afraid to make a choice, which is also causing her to suffer from insomnia. It is important not to be afraid of taking risks in order to reach the top of the world. I am interested in knowing who will choose the ending, which causes emotional instability and a lot of internal pressure. I understand, but as a strong woman, you have to learn to be tender and caring. The extra water will boil out. You are sad in your heart and will blame yourself for your own thoughts. In fact, my friend should not think this way, because who can give her a final home? I have not yet entered the official orbit.

It is my hope that friends will accept their true inner thoughts, and that the person who can provide an answer is oneself. We are all merely passersby, and friends, through my words, you already possess the answer within your hearts.

It is my sincere hope that you will experience a life filled with joy, that you will find the person with whom you share a deep and abiding love, and that you will enjoy optimal physical and mental health, with no further need for insomnia.