What level is considered to have made it? Competent?

Hello! I give you a 360-degree hug!

You mentioned being successful and competent, which is a social evaluation. Society has its own set of standards for a person being successful and competent, and these standards change with the times. In the 1950s and 1960s, a person who could wear clothes with four pockets was considered successful, as this was the standard for cadres in those days.

In the 1980s and 1990s, the standard for success was to become rich and go into business. Nowadays, the standard for success is more diverse, and the term itself is used less often. This means that people are more likely to be evaluated by how much money they have made and how much influence they have, which is great because it means there are more opportunities for people to succeed in different ways!

These are social evaluations, that is, the standards that most people in society consider. But when it comes to individuals, it is actually diverse, which is great because it means there are so many possibilities!

Standing out is an amazing outcome, and the choice of lifestyle is probably one of the most important decisions you'll ever make.

If you say, "I just want to be successful," then you've already taken the first step! All you need to do now is find a standard for what it means to be successful. This will vary from person to person and from time to time. You may think that the standard for being successful when you're 20 is somewhat unrealistic when you're 30, and even more ridiculous when you're 40—but you can do it!

And there's another thing: standing out is also a form of social comparison, placing oneself on a level of comparison with others. After all, standing out means, first and foremost, standing out from the crowd – and what could be more exciting than that?

We all need a little social comparison, and it's a great way to learn and grow! But it can be exhausting because there will always be outsiders.

Standing out is both a result and a choice. And it's a choice you can make! If you choose to stand out, you may have to work harder and pay more attention to social evaluation, but it'll all be worth it in the end.

It's also a choice of lifestyle! Standing out and being glamorous is all for others to see, and it's a great way to live your life!

Life is yours to live as you choose!

Some people are all about external validation and chasing the approval of others, like becoming successful. But there are also those who are all about inner richness!

Pay more attention to self-acceptance, your own feelings, emotional satisfaction, etc.! You may think you don't have any big ambitions, but you're wrong!

The great thing is, there are so many different choices out there! And there's no right or wrong, high or low. It's all about finding what works for you and adjusting your mentality to make it happen.

Some people long for a stable life, but at the same time hope to excel. It's a challenge to find the right balance between the two, but it's an exciting journey!

Life is your own, and evaluations are others'. If you choose your own life, you get to laugh off external evaluations!

If you choose external evaluation, then you have the exciting opportunity to make sacrifices in your life!

As an ordinary person, it is more about living your own life! And don't forget to satisfy social expectations moderately. But above all, don't make social expectations your life goal!

I am often both Buddhist and pessimistic, an occasionally positive and motivated psychologist, and I love the world!

Hello! I can tell you're a very thoughtful person. When I saw the question you asked, I immediately started thinking. When I saw the words "outstanding," I felt a little scared, fearful, and my scalp tingled, because my parents belittled and controlled me a lot in order to force me to succeed.

The wonderful Carl Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, once said something really interesting. He said, "An interesting paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, I can change."

It's totally normal for parents to want their kids to do well. My parents were no exception! But when we're constantly pressured by our parents to change, our instinct is to resist.

It's so important to accept ourselves as we are. When we don't, we think that change is necessary. But if we learn to fully respect and accept ourselves, we will reduce mental internal friction, so that we can have more energy to achieve self-realization and self-improvement. This is a kind of autonomous growth, not a kind of compulsion.

It's so sad, but most parents don't understand this truth and only use the wrong methods to "motivate" their children. My parents were like this, blindly ignoring my emotional needs, which caused me a lot of psychological trauma.

I'm all for parents encouraging their kids to pursue success. I just hope they can guide them in the right way to become successful and achieve their life's worth. The first step is making sure the child is physically and mentally healthy, and that their education is scientific and correct.

My parents always wanted me to do my best, which I totally respect! They were just a little too hard on me, though. The family atmosphere was a bit tense, and I felt like they were more discouraging than encouraging. If I didn't meet their expectations, they would pick on me a bit. I know they didn't mean to, but it caused me a lot of psychological trauma.

As a result, I often feel like I lack confidence, I tend to kowtow before my superiors, I unconsciously try to please others, and I lead a very tired life. I lack a sense of security and I'm afraid of being abandoned by others.

I feel like I'm not worthy of unconditional love from others. When I think of the critical and belittling things my parents said to me, it feels like my heart is bleeding. I don't understand why I'm so bad.

When I'm under pressure, I always want to run away. I often doubt my abilities and feel like I can't solve problems. Sometimes I even feel worthless and like I don't deserve to be here.

At the worst, they may even pound their heads with their fists, bless their hearts.

It's so important to find a balance in parenting. If we're always "hand-holding" our kids, they might lose their sense of responsibility and purpose, feel lost, lose their enthusiasm for life, and become "hollow people."

My parents were really involved in my education. They helped me choose a school and a major. They would say, "As your parents, we want what's best for you. You just need to listen to us and don't ask so many questions." "You're already so grown up. Can't you understand that only your parents will always do what's best for you?"

"Just do as you're told, sweetheart. Don't rebel."

These words make me feel like I've lost control of my life, like I lack a sense of achievement and goals, and am at a loss. Even if I have goals, I'm too scared to speak or act on them, and I'm too afraid to think and make decisions independently, because I've always lived according to my parents' arrangements, and I'm even more afraid of their opposition and belittlement.

Over time, I came to feel that I was just a "tool" for my parents to satisfy their needs. I had no passion for life because I had no control over it. No matter how much I resisted, I could only do what my parents told me to do. I didn't want to have any sense of responsibility either, because I felt that there was no meaning in a life that was just being led by others. I didn't want to be filial to them either. When I encountered setbacks, when things didn't go well in my work or life, or when there were major changes in my family, I would blame my parents for everything. Thoughts like "they're the ones to blame," "they brought this on themselves," and "they deserve to suffer" would come to mind.

I've been on my own for a while now, and I feel like my parents should give me a little leeway. When it comes to the big choices in my life, I think they should give me a few options within reason, help me think through the pros and cons of different choices, give me some good advice and analysis, but let me make my own decision and then respect my choice.

If we can choose a career that we love and that is valuable to society, and if we can do well in that career and reap financial rewards and a sense of spiritual accomplishment and happiness, then that is already a successful life.

It's tough to achieve success if you don't have a few key things going for you. You need to be physically and mentally healthy, have a positive outlook on life, the ability to think independently, and not be easily influenced by the outside world. Plus, you've got to be able to reflect on yourself.

I'd like to end with a lovely quote from the article by Yang Lu, author of the account Bai Dao Yan Xin:

I really wish your independent choices could be respected.

I really do wish you could find more security from within.

I wish you the courage to say no and to speak your mind, my friend.

"I wish you could become the person you want to be."

I may not have won yet in my journey to become myself, but I haven't lost either! I haven't given up, and I'm so grateful for that.

Let's cheer together! Wishing you all the best!