What should a sophomore girl do if she has a serious shortage of interpersonal skills?

Hello, question asker!

After reading your description, I can say with confidence that you don't have a problem. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the leader who said that about you has a problem.

The person who said that about you was a leader in the past, and is now retired. Someone who was once a leader has probably had very few opportunities to enjoy the flattery and boot-licking of subordinates.

He's finally met an inexperienced youngster, so he's seizing the opportunity to teach you a good lesson to show how amazing he is. His teaching you only shows how lacking he is inside.

If he really is a caring leader, he would never point out your problems to you in this way.

If you had behaved in the same way but he had spoken to you in a different way, you would not have felt as bad as you do now. It's clear that what makes you feel bad is more the way he spoke to you, making you feel unwanted. So it's his problem, not yours.

His so-called interpersonal communication mainly refers to interactions in the official world, right? As a student, the people you interact with are either your peers or teachers you respect, and the way you behave in the official world is definitely different. Think about it. Apart from this time when your leader said so, is your interpersonal communication really a problem at other times?

Just because someone says you're not good at interpersonal relationships, it doesn't mean you are.

Don't make this negative judgment of yourself. Don't put this label on yourself just because someone said once that you can't get along with people.

It's normal that you can't say anything in such a situation. You haven't seen it before, and no one has taught you how to say it, so of course you won't know how. No one is born knowing these things. You're a sophomore in college, and you haven't entered society yet. Of course you don't know how to interact with people.

You're only in your second year of university, so you have plenty of time to learn.

Furthermore, we must ask ourselves whether it is truly necessary to learn this so-called "interpersonal communication." Some people simply do not enjoy these styles, and even if they are capable of doing so, they are unwilling to do so.

In ancient China, Tao Yuanming, Han Yu, and Su Shi were all demoted for their integrity. They did not know how to "interact with people." Despite their lives being full of misfortune, they stuck to their beliefs and were rich inside.

We still praise them, not those who are good at "interpersonal communication." There are also people like Han Han in modern times who are unwilling to join the Chinese Writers Association, and he is still living a flourishing life.

This kind of "interpersonal communication" is not something you need to learn. You can make up for a lack of it in one area by excelling in another. Don't waste your time trying to learn this kind of communication. Focus on your strengths and do the things you are better at.

I am Haru Aoki, and I love the world.

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I read your post and I can feel your sadness.

You have also faced yourself and sought help, which will help you understand and recognize yourself.

I will also share my thoughts on the post, which may help you see yourself differently.

1. You can't do it now, but you haven't practiced.

You mentioned your performance at the meal and the "education" you received from your elders. This made you feel frustrated and sad.

I understand the frustration and sadness of the original poster. Thank you for these emotions.

These emotions help you think and try to improve.

You don't have these emotions now. You just lacked these exercises in the past. You mentioned your parents and that you are a college student.

Moms and dads don't, so we don't have many chances to practice. And universities are different from the real world.

This is your first practice. Nobody can please everyone the first time.

A bad first performance makes us aware of our shortcomings.

This will motivate us to learn and improve.

The elders also started from scratch, so you can too. Give yourself time and space to learn and observe.

Speak less, do more.

2. Learn and improve.

In the workplace, we need to learn and improve ourselves to become more valuable. This will help us provide better value to the company.

In the workplace, relationships are sometimes a value exchange. If you make yourself valuable, the host may think about it.

If you make yourself more valuable, the host may also grow. Learn and improve your professionalism. The host can use their resources to grow.

Reading and asking for advice are both fine. The other aspect is social etiquette.

We need to learn social etiquette to be more appropriate in social situations.

The host can read more books on emotional intelligence and communication. Examples include "Nonviolent Communication," "High Emotional Intelligence Communication," and "Life-Changing Conversations."

I hope these books help and inspire you.

Hello, question asker!

I'm excited to hear more about your experiences!

I'd love to give you some advice on interpersonal relationships, but it's difficult to do so in just 300 words. However, I'm excited to chat with you further and explore more possibilities when you feel confused or unsure.

There's so much more to workplace interactions than just socializing!

As you said, your performance at last night's dinner was "unsatisfactory" because you sat in an inappropriate place, didn't offer anyone water, and couldn't say a word when you were supposed to speak to your leader. In short, your first social occasion after entering society from the ivory tower was a failure. You didn't seize the opportunity to perform well, and your uncle's comments after the event, which were full of worldly wisdom, made you feel very frustrated and upset. But, you know what? That's okay! We all have to start somewhere, and you're already learning so much from this experience. It's all about taking these lessons and applying them to your next social event. You've got this!

I totally get where you're coming from, and I'd love for you to be a little less hard on yourself and a little more patient. Socializing at the dinner table is just one small part of workplace interactions, and most people are totally able to behave appropriately and follow the rules after a few experiences. You're only a sophomore now, and you still have so many opportunities to slowly adjust before you actually enter the workforce!

I'd love to know what the real problem is that you're worried about!

The specific incident you mentioned in the text was a dinner party social event where you felt you could have done better. You used the description "a serious shortage of interpersonal skills" in the title, and in the last sentence you said it was your "painful weak point." I'm excited to hear more about what made you label this as a very serious problem.

As an undergraduate student who has not yet graduated, you have the exciting opportunity to build strong relationships with your classmates, roommates, and teachers at school. How are your interpersonal relationships at school?

If you are doing well in this area, then you are already on your way to success! If you don't feel confident enough in this area, you still have time to try more and get there.

[You can do better than your parents]

Regarding the development of interpersonal skills, you said that your parents are not very good at these, so you are worried that no one can teach you. Here, I'm not sure what you mean by "interpersonal skills" that you want to learn. Do you mean the ability to get along well with others in general, or do you mean the ability to interact in the workplace, especially the ability to entertain at meals? Either way, I'm excited to help you learn!

If it is the latter, as you said, your experienced uncle is the one who can teach you! And, from your parents' point of view, even if they are "not good at these things," it has not had a significant impact on their work or lives, right?

Absolutely! In your past life experience, there are always things that your parents are "not very good at" and "cannot teach you," but you can still master them better than they can!

I wish the poster the best of luck with their internship this summer and I'm sure they'll gain so much from it!