What should I do if I am not very proactive and rely on the response of others?

Dear Questioner, I am pleased to have this opportunity to connect with you.

Given your tendency to be passive in relationships, you tend to expect more from others in return. When there is no response, it is challenging to maintain the relationship, leading you to believe that the problem lies with you. I empathize with your situation, so let me offer you a warm embrace first.

From your brief description, I can ascertain that you are somewhat introverted, not proficient at expressing yourself, and require others to assume a leadership role. In interpersonal relationships, you prefer to hear others' opinions first before you feel at ease entering a relationship.

This may cause some distress, but it should ultimately facilitate integration into society.

First and foremost, the need to receive a response from others is a universal human trait. All interactions between individuals are, by nature, reciprocal. For a relationship to form, there must be a give and take, and a response to that response, before anything can begin.

I believe this idea is entirely correct. We simply require a response to determine the subsequent course of action.

Regarding your desire to adjust your current state, it is possible that there are some important relationships, such as intimate relationships, that have not achieved the desired results, which has led to some frustration. This is understandable, but the reasons for this are very different, and it would not be responsible to provide an answer through a short question.

Intimate relationships are unique in that they are often shaped by the environment in which they develop. If an individual is unaware of this, it can result in the formation of fixed patterns of behavior. Consequently, it may be surprising to find that someone who has experienced trauma may find it challenging to manage an intimate relationship.

If I were to offer a suggestion, I would recommend that you try to express more of your feelings, which should lead to a more positive outcome.

However, if you wish to make significant and lasting changes to address the underlying issues that are preventing you from moving forward, it would be advisable to seek the guidance of a qualified professional. If you are unable to identify a suitable approach, it may be helpful to consult with a listening therapist or a psychological counselor, who can provide guidance and support in navigating these challenges.

I am an enthusiastic answerer, listening expert, ground consultant, and learner of knowledge at Yi Xinli. I hope to be able to assist you by summarizing my experiences and helping others.

Hello!

Host:

I've read the post carefully and I can see that the poster is trying to figure out how to adjust himself at the moment. I also see that he's been brave in facing his own heart and actively seeking help on the platform. This will help him gain a better understanding and knowledge of himself, so he can adjust himself and encounter a better self.

I'd love to share my observations and thoughts from the post, which I hope will help the poster to have a more diverse perspective.

1. I'd love to know what other people's responses mean to you!

It's so interesting to see how you approach relationships! From what you've shared, it seems like you're someone who likes to take the initiative and expect a response from others. When there's no response, it can be challenging to manage or maintain the relationship. It's clear that you value communication and that you're looking for a way to keep the connection alive.

I'm really interested to know why you find the response of others so important. I'd love to understand what it means to you.

If someone in a relationship responds positively to you, how does that make you feel on the inside? And what does it mean to you when someone doesn't respond to you?

I'd love to help you understand your inner self better! To do that, we're going to explore some questions together. What are your inner feelings?

Some folks might feel like others not responding to them means they're not liked or accepted. That can make it tough to keep a relationship going.

For you, the original poster, a specific problem may require a specific analysis. We totally get it! Here, because it is answering questions, there are certain limitations.

2. It might be helpful to see if there have been any accidents.

It looks like you're not the most proactive person, which is totally understandable! We all have our moments. But it seems like you rely on others' responses to you. I'm wondering if there's a relationship other than this?

I'm sure there was a time when you were really proactive, didn't rely too much on what others thought, and were keen to manage and maintain the relationship yourself.

This unexpected situation might require you to think about it yourself. If you do, you might want to explore how this relationship is different from the one where you are not proactive and rely on others' responses. Of course, such exploration still helps us better understand and know ourselves.

We all want to make changes in our lives, and I truly believe that the more we understand ourselves, the better we'll be able to make those changes.

3. Learning and improvement

I can see that this question has been on your mind for a while now, and you've been looking for a way to solve it. That's why you decided to ask for help here. I totally get it. Given the circumstances, it's understandable that you feel like you don't have the ability to solve this problem. But, hey, let's not worry about it for now. Let's focus on our own growth and learning and improvement. We'll figure this out together!

Instead, let's focus our attention back on our own growth, learning, and improvement. Our current understanding may not be able to solve everything, but we can definitely increase our knowledge through learning to enrich our hearts. And as we do so, the problems that may be troubling us will slowly dissolve.

Of course, if the landlord has the means, he or she can also choose to seek psychological counseling and leave professional issues to the professionals.

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for you! If you have any questions and want to learn more, you can also click on Find a Coach to chat with a coach one-on-one. They can help you grow in a way that's just right for you!

Hello, host! I'm smiling.

I understand your question better now. I'm here for you.

You said you rely on others' responses. You're not active in social interactions, so you rely on responses to develop relationships. You value others' responses because they support you in social situations.

If you rely on others too much, it shows you lack security. You need to rely on others to develop your social relationships. You are also worried and afraid of relationships. You may have little security, so you try to compensate through external sources.

I've also summarized some ways to help you. I hope they help. ?

(1) If you depend on others' responses, you'll feel anxious. Having expectations makes your mood erratic.

(2) Face your fears. Avoidance makes change unlikely.

(3) At the beginning of a relationship, communication takes longer. As the relationship gets more stable, communication takes less time.

(4) Don't expect too much from others. It will only make you tired. Let things happen naturally.

(5) You rely on other people's responses and take them too seriously, which puts you under a lot of pressure. So just take your time. You already know the problems you have.

I love you!

Best wishes!

Greetings, inquirer. My name is Jia Ao, and I have no particular agenda.

From your statements on this platform, it is evident that you are experiencing a degree of distress. You have indicated that you perceive yourself as less proactive than others, particularly in matters pertaining to interpersonal relationships. While you may occasionally take the initiative, you tend to rely on the responses of others, and you lack the skills to effectively manage and sustain relationships. Consequently, you are seeking guidance on how to modify your current approach.

Indeed, this situation is relatively common. Typically, individuals with an introverted personality will appear to be very passive in interpersonal interactions. In most cases, they are not proactive and do not seek to take the initiative. They will rely on the other person's initiative to respond. Once the other person stops being proactive, they will feel uncomfortable. They will also seem indifferent in a relationship, not taking the initiative to manage it themselves. Consequently, they are also very passive and lack the knowledge to take the initiative to strive for it.

It is essential to undertake a comprehensive analysis and sorting of the problems in question.

One might inquire as to the potential consequences of a lack of proactive engagement and a tendency to rely on others for responses.

It is important to be aware of one's emotions.

Some individuals are introverted and sensitive from an early age, exhibiting difficulties in communicating with others and a tendency to be relatively introverted and passive in response to external stimuli. They are rarely proactive and often appear aloof. This is a matter of personality, however, and not a reflection of any inherent deficiency. Some individuals are outgoing and proactive, while others are introverted and passive. It is important to recognize that one's own personality does not necessarily align with the conventional expectations of extroversion. The ability to recognize and regulate one's emotions in a timely manner is crucial for emotional well-being.

In the event of an occurrence, it is essential to identify the underlying reasons for one's reluctance to take the initiative in communication. Are these sentiments rooted in genuine hesitancy or a lack of confidence? Or are there other factors at play that contribute to this reluctance?

[Constantly improve yourself]

Individuals who are introverted and reluctant to engage in communication with others often have limited conversational topics and are uncertain about how to respond to others. This can be attributed to low self-esteem and a lack of knowledge in various domains. To facilitate change, it is essential to engage in continuous learning and development, paying close attention to the latest developments. This approach can help establish common ground in interpersonal interactions, prevent awkward silences during conversations, and gradually gain confidence in social situations.

[Enhance your self-confidence]

Self-confidence is a valuable asset in social situations. One can endeavor to communicate with others in a manner that aligns with their strengths, or prioritize interactions with individuals with whom one has a close relationship. Gradually reestablishing confidence in interpersonal relationships enables individuals to navigate public settings and one-on-one interactions with greater ease. Introversion and passivity, which were previously prevalent, can be mitigated. Communication with others becomes increasingly fluid, and self-trust is fostered.

[Enhance communication with others]

As the adage states, "If you associate with unscrupulous individuals, you will adopt their characteristics," it is advisable to surround yourself with those who exude joy and positivity. Forming connections with such individuals, engaging in frequent communication, and fostering positive relationships can facilitate the transfer of their optimistic and constructive attitudes. Over time, this can lead to a noticeable transformation in one's own demeanor. Personality traits often spread like infectious diseases, and the company one keeps can significantly influence one's character.

[Learn to respond proactively]

It is recommended that you respond to others proactively, take the initiative to chat with others, and exercise your ability to socialize proactively. In the process of being proactive, you will experience the appeal of interpersonal communication. You may also become more witty, humorous, cheerful, and positive. It is hoped that your condition will improve and that you will no longer be troubled. The very best wishes for your future.

The following books are recommended for those seeking to enhance their communication abilities:

1. Nonviolent Communication, by Marshall B. Rosenberg

The author is Marshall B. Rosenberg, an American psychologist.

2. The Art of Communication

The authors are Ronald B. Adler and Russell F. Proctor from the United States.

(Related book recommendations quoted from Baidu)

It is my sincere hope that my response proves beneficial. With best wishes, [Name]

Good day, host. It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you.

The host demonstrates a high level of self-awareness, recognizing his own patterns in interpersonal relationships and his tendency to rely on the responses of others. He is aware that he is not a highly proactive individual, rarely taking the initiative to manage or maintain relationships. Your current confusion pertains to the question of how to be proactive in interpersonal relationships or how to maintain a relationship without being proactive. However, you also stated that you are occasionally proactive but still expect a response from others. This suggests that your primary confusion is still about the issue of "other people's responses."

It can be reasonably assumed that all individuals aspire to cultivate positive relationships, given that we are social creatures. We require a degree of support and nourishment within the collective, and we also seek a sense of belonging within the group. When one is engaged in a relationship and does not receive a response from others, it can lead to feelings of isolation, a sense of inadequacy, and a lack of confidence in the regard of others.

In order to achieve a greater sense of freedom and relaxation in our relationships and to receive the support and nourishment that we require, it is possible to make the following adjustments.

It is important to acknowledge the possibility that others may not respond in the manner you desire. This requires an examination of the underlying reasons for your dependence on external responses.

Indeed, I previously exhibited similar behaviors. I placed a considerable degree of importance on the responses of others, particularly their approval. In the absence of a response, I experienced feelings of distress and anxiety, leading to self-doubt and concerns about whether the other person had an issue with me. However, it is probable that the majority of the time, other individuals were simply preoccupied and did not hold the same level of dissatisfaction or dislike towards us as we assumed.

I have come to the conclusion that it is not of great consequence whether or not others respond in a timely manner. I have developed a positive outlook, which allows me to understand that there are a number of reasons why a response may be delayed. For example, the individual may be preoccupied, may not have checked their phone in time, or may simply not have considered the issue in sufficient depth. I have learned to trust that a response will eventually be forthcoming. In the meantime, I focus on the tasks at hand and am able to receive responses at a later stage.

Psychological theory posits that if an individual invests a great deal of emotional energy in certain needs, it is because these needs were not met by significant others during their formative years. Consequently, the individual may experience heightened anxiety or even a sense of collapse in the absence of timely responses from important others. This leads to a longing for responses from others that will provide a sense of security and ease. Additionally, individuals may perceive the importance that others attach to them. In fact, a tendency to be particularly dependent on the responses of others represents a way of attaching importance to oneself. This can be expressed more colloquially as a belief that everyone needs to respond to us in a timely manner, otherwise we will feel sad. However, it is important to recognize that we are not the center of the world.

Consequently, when we are able to relinquish the perceived significance of others in our lives, we can foster a sense of ease and autonomy in our relationships.

2. It is imperative to cultivate self-worth and instill a sense of security within oneself. This will enable individuals to experience less anxiety when external responses are lacking.

As previously stated, an internal deficiency will inevitably lead to an external search for solutions. The desire for external responses and attention demonstrates a lack of internal self-worth. It is therefore essential to learn to value and recognize oneself as a person who can identify and affirm one's own self-worth. Affirmation and recognition from others are not a prerequisite for a sense of self-worth. Affirmation and recognition from oneself are equally important. When one is able to affirm and recognize oneself, one gains inner strength and a greater sense of security. This allows one to become less concerned with the external affirmation and recognition of others, as one is already self-sufficient.

It is recommended that the reader peruse the following texts: "Rebuilding Your Life," "Accepting an Imperfect Self," and "Embracing Your Inner Child." These texts will assist the reader in developing inner security and self-confidence, thereby becoming an individual who is capable of liking, recognizing, and valuing themselves.

3. One may engage in selective socialization and gain a sense of belonging and interpersonal nourishment in supportive relationships.

Additionally, you previously indicated that you occasionally take the initiative in certain relationships. Could you please elaborate on these instances and the rationale behind your decision to take the initiative during those times?

Does the sense of safety derived from these relationships facilitate the expression of one's self?

Mr. Zeng Qifeng once posited that humans are social creatures, and that the more relationships one has, the more nourishment one receives, and the faster and better one grows. He defined a nourishing relationship as one that is full of trust, friendly, and supportive, and that offers both love and freedom.

As the number of nurturing and loving relationships in an individual's life increases, so too does their confidence in pursuing happiness and success.

It is therefore recommended that an individual reflect on their relationships and identify those that are conducive to personal growth and wellbeing. In essence, which relationships do you feel safe and relaxed in, and can you feel supported, understood and respected? In these relationships, you will grow to like yourself more and more, because everyone will give you supportive and encouraging feedback, be tolerant of your shortcomings and deficiencies, and be willing to listen to your expressions and opinions.

Some relationships, however, have the opposite effect, causing individuals to feel bad about themselves and leading to a decline in confidence and likeability. Such relationships are not conducive to personal growth and development.

It is therefore imperative to exercise discernment when forming relationships, investing time in those who offer support and understanding, and avoiding those who are hostile, sceptical or dismissive.

In this manner, one may experience greater nourishment and support in their relationships. Additionally, positive relationships can be utilized to "detoxify" negative relationships, thereby facilitating greater comfort and relaxation in one's relationships.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Best wishes!