What should I do if I feel that life is hopeless because my family of origin is too heavy and I really want to commit suicide?

Hello, question asker!

First, give yourself a big hug and show your tired and overworked heart some love!

This long post has written out your depression and oppression, as well as the helplessness and sadness of life!

You have been a rock for your entire family, supporting them with your meager strength.

The financial pressure of the family, the pressure of your sister's external debt, and the pressure of your parents' retirement.

I truly believe that any girl who falls into your original family will feel an unbearable weight of life!

How can we break this deadlock?

First, it's time to calm down your anxiety, depression, anger, and helplessness. These emotions often consume

These emotions often consume a person's passion, making them even more helpless and lost. But there's hope! You can break free from these negative emotions and find your passion again.

It's time to get to know these negative emotions! Which ones are you already familiar with? Which ones are brought to you by your family?

When you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the family, or even for the needs of the family, anxiety and pain will arise. But don't worry! This is your chance to take control and make a change.

And secondly, you absolutely need to have the courage to express your feelings and needs. It might be more difficult for you, but it'll be so worth it in the end!

And will you always be in a position of being exploited and oppressed?

It's time to let your parents and sister know what you're capable of and what you can do to help the family!

You are not the savior, and you cannot save this family! But you can be the hero of your own story!

You absolutely have to reflect on what made you help this family so much that you even had no bottom line!

Sacrifice everything you have and almost cut off flesh from your body to feed the family! If you fail to stop in time,

Just think of the amazing possibilities that could come from this! What could the consequences be?

If you refuse to be morally kidnapped and insist on being obedient to your parents without following their wishes, you have the right to control your own life!

Do you have control over your own life? And do you want to? Absolutely! You can do this!

It's time to understand that the lack of boundaries in the whole family and the parents' favoritism are a reflection of their own incompetence and powerlessness. Once you understand this, you can start to make a change!

Oh, I bet they didn't even consider your situation when they dumped the whole mess of the family on you!

Ready to break the deadlock? Let's do this!

It's time to start filtering out responsibilities and boundaries!

So, what are your responsibilities and obligations? And what are not your responsibilities and obligations? And what is the motivation that forces you to

What an amazing opportunity to find out what it means to be an adult sister who does nothing!

You absolutely have the right to choose, and you have the right to refuse!

If you're feeling unsure about making a choice, it's time to reflect and become aware!

What kind of fear are you ready to overcome so you can make a choice?

I'm counselor Yao, and I'm here to support and care for you!

Greetings!

You have been shouldering a great many burdens in life, but the burden brought to you by your family of origin seems to have no end, which overwhelms you and makes you feel very painful and desperate inside. Please accept my warmest regards and know that I am here to support you in any way I can!

1. It is important to maintain your personal boundaries and avoid becoming overwhelmed.

I would like to suggest that you consider that you may not have to bear any burden from your family of origin. Your parents are still relatively young and able to support themselves, unless they reach old age and you need to provide for them. For now, you may find it helpful to focus on taking care of yourself and living your life independently.

Regarding your sister, you are under no obligation to help her pay off her debts. She is an adult and should be held responsible for her actions. Even if you are capable of doing so, it may not be your place to take on excessive responsibilities for her.

Sometimes, due to family ties or habits formed since childhood, we may find ourselves accustomed to assuming the responsibilities of our family members. We may feel that this is our responsibility, and we may internalize the needs of others as our own. However, we may not realize that this excessive taking on of responsibilities may inadvertently contribute to the other person's lack of responsibility. This dynamic can become increasingly challenging, and it is important to recognize that it is not beneficial for either party. One party may become overly dependent and reluctant to grow, while the other party may feel burdened by the excessive taking on of responsibilities.

It is important to establish a sense of inner boundaries. As an adult, it is essential to take responsibility for oneself. The most crucial aspect is to prioritize self-care and attend to one's personal matters. While offering assistance to others is admirable, it is not a mandatory obligation.

2. Consider ways to strengthen your inner resolve and learn to say no with confidence.

You are actually very strong and capable, and you may benefit from working on your self-confidence. People with a weak heart often find it challenging to refuse.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why you feel the need to take on the responsibilities of your parents and sister as a younger sister and daughter. What would happen if you were to refuse to do things for them? What are you afraid of inside yourself? It might be beneficial to give yourself the strength to bear this.

From this point forward, it would be beneficial to establish self-principles and bottom lines for yourself and to adhere to them, regardless of external influences. It is important to maintain a sense of inner strength and resolve.

3. Consider developing a greater sense of self-love, self-growth, and autonomy in your life.

It's possible that the reason you feel you have to take on so much is related to your family of origin and your upbringing. It might be that you have some beliefs that are not entirely realistic, which can make it difficult for you to see your own value. Instead, you may feel that your self-worth is tied up with your family of origin, which can result in you taking on things you shouldn't, and carrying a heavy burden even when you are feeling overwhelmed.

You might find it helpful to learn a little bit about psychology and read some self-growth books. Some suggestions would be "The Terrific Me," "The Human Chain," and "The Neglected Child." You might also want to consider seeking the help of a professional psychologist to help you grow psychologically and improve yourself. You deserve a better life, and you have the real ability to deserve it!

I hope that Hongyu's reply is helpful for you. Thank you for asking!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You're a good kid. You're studying on your own with loans, working part-time to pay them back, and being honest about it.

You're a great kid.

Your family is made up of your parents and two sisters. Your parents favor your sister, but rely on you. This makes you feel desperate.

Your parents probably favor your sister because she was their first child and is generally in poor health.

New parents love and pay more attention to their first child. This is especially true if the child is sick.

The saying "where there's money, there's love" is true. We're reluctant to abandon things we've invested in.

This is especially true for people. It's natural.

Your parents paid more attention to your sister because you were healthy.

This family dynamic has resulted in you being neglected a lot since childhood. You even had to take out loans to finish university. I feel for you, but I also want to praise you.

Your family was unfair to you from a young age, but they taught you well. You are motivated, hardworking, and responsible (you rent a room and live with your sister).

My child, let's look at the problem and don't despair.

You should talk to your parents and sister. Tell them what's going on.

As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk to drink. It's not about crying, but sharing your struggles with your family. You're not as strong as they think, so don't take on more than you can handle. I think your parents still love you, so I believe they will understand your struggles and not force you.

You said they called to ask about your sister. You could have asked them to call her directly. They would have threatened you, so you could have told them this method is not good for you. Third, you wanted to tell your parents you will support them in the future. Shouldn't you be nurtured now to be good for you?

If you're not well, who will support them in their old age? If they want to support you well in your old age, they will have to support you more. If you're well, won't that mean they're well?

And it's better for your sister. Killing the chicken to get the eggs is stupid. I think your parents will understand you and give you more love and support.

If you're brave enough to die, be brave enough to live.

My child, be strong. The good life is coming to you.

Hello question asker!

It's hard to give advice on family relationships in just a few words. I hope my answer helps.

It's hard to give advice on your family in just 300 words. I hope this helps, though.

"If you don't give up, all your hard work will be for nothing."

You didn't leave many words, but I can feel suffocation after reading them. It's hard to imagine how you guarded your little self during the years you didn't mention and grew up despite all the hardships.

Your family of origin is a heavy burden. It blocks your path to the future. You have fought for years to move forward. Just when you think you have paid off the loan and a new life is about to begin, life gives you another challenge. If this is a test from God, you can find a solution. You cannot give up now.

Avoid toxic family relationships.

As you said, your parents have been biased towards your sister since you were young. They are pressuring you to ask for money to support them in their old age. They are forcing you to help your sister pay off her debts. They are threatening to die. As the youngest child in the family, you have just graduated and paid off your student loans. You are working hard in a strange city and have not yet gained a foothold. It is already far beyond your current financial ability to support your parents and take care of your sister.

Family relationships like this are toxic. Fan Shengmei in the TV series "Ode to Joy" couldn't get help from her family or leave her parents. If you can't change a toxic family relationship, keep your distance to avoid getting hurt.

Take care of yourself and set boundaries.

You're living a hard life, saving money, and afraid to have fun. You're not enjoying life, while your sister is having fun without working.

Take care of your physical and mental health. Also, figure out what you are responsible for and what other adults, like your parents and sister, should be responsible for. If you can't leave your original family, contact a counselor.

All your hard work is for your future, not someone else's. You deserve a better life.

I hope the original poster will live a good life, and that things will get better!

Landlord, I empathize with your situation. You are resilient and independent. The unfairness in life has burdened you, leaving you unable to catch your breath.

You may feel resentful towards your parents for showing partiality, bored with your sister's reckless behaviour, and frustrated at being burdened with debts for no reason. Rest assured, we are always here for you, ready to provide care, assistance, and protection.

Don't worry about the landlord.

1. Separate the issues and divide the rights and responsibilities.

The landlord's independence is admirable, and I firmly believe that these hardships have tempered the landlord's mind and allowed the landlord to mature prematurely and independently. This is also a blessing in disguise.

Your sister is a fully competent adult, so you are not legally obliged to repay debts incurred for her own reasons.

You must have this awareness in your heart. But when faced with the harassment of your elderly parents and the moral kidnapping they impose on you, you must have a sense of bottom line.

Maintain your bottom line firmly. Your attitude can be friendly, but the bottom line is clear. You can answer the phone when your parents call, but you can and should refuse. You have no legal responsibility or obligation to help an adult pay off their debts.

Repeat until they come to their senses.

2. Don't fall for their emotional blackmail.

The owner of the house grew up in such an environment and developed the habit of being kind-hearted and having no bottom line for sympathizing with the weak. This allows them to intrude on their own boundaries in their daily lives and drag down their emotions.

It's important to remember that other people are responsible for their own emotions. Your sister may owe money, but she has never thought about suicide, so why should you?

You don't owe them anything. Those feelings of pessimism and despair aren't yours to carry. They were imposed on you by your immature parents.

You have just graduated and paid off your student loans. You have a more relaxed future ahead of you, and you can be happy, celebrate, and be excited.

That's your emotion.

3. Get rid of them physically and mentally.

Growing up and maturing is never easy. But it can be done overnight.

The heavy blows of life should be borne by them themselves, not by putting the heavy blows on you and letting you mature.

Give them back to them. Move, work in a different city, and regularly greet their parents and sister. That's all you need to do.

You can sympathize with their suffering and empathize with them, but you don't have to shoulder their burdens. Just be there for them, listen to them, and encourage them.

4. Develop yourself.

Landlord, I want to know what your interests and hobbies are. And what do you like to eat?

Tell me what you like to do and what kind of life you want to live.

You have graduated and started working, so you can plan your own life. Find your long-lost happiness because you are responsible for your own life and your own emotions.

A brand new life is waiting for you. Don't wait around for others to make your happiness happen. Everyone is born to explore themselves. You don't have the energy to interfere in her affairs now, so just let go of your emotions and reduce the burden on your mind. Be happy with your happiness, let her go her own way, and let your parents' emotions go with theirs.

Everyone is a beacon of light! Whether you ask a question or answer one, your words can really help to brighten up the hearts of so many people. This is our shared energy!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here. I get it. I see your helplessness, your hopelessness, your anger, and even your resentment.

You worked so hard and strived to make something of yourself. You thought you had opened up a new world of possibilities and could start a new life. But then your sister's huge debts and your mother's relentless pressure made things unbearable for you. It's so sad — the flicker of hope you had just lit seemed to be extinguished in an instant by your family's devilish actions.

I give you a big, warm hug. You have worked so hard all these years. Let's take a look at what the problem is.

?1. Chicken soup is poisonous, but it can temporarily quench thirst and hunger.

"Those things that don't defeat me will eventually make me stronger." You can look back and see how far you've come! It's not by chance that you've made it through the years with your strong willpower and the hope of having more choices.

It's so great to see how brave, determined, and strong you are! You can overcome anything!

It's so sad to see young people who feel like they don't love anymore or that they can't love. I truly believe that's because they don't have that inner support from their beliefs. It's so important to have that support to help you find your way.

"Only through hardship can one become a top person." We can only know how to cherish our achievements when we've put in the effort and seen results. And we can only truly appreciate what we have when we lose it.

And everything you've experienced along the way has also helped you to become the strong, enterprising person you are today.

But then, just when you've turned a corner in your life and are on the right track, fate plays another big joke on you. It's so unfair! You can't bear the injustice you've suffered since childhood: "I'm not worthy."

This voice is so strong, it's tearing and screaming inside you.

It's okay to feel angry. It's a natural emotion. But expressing your anger can hurt your family and hurt your feelings. And suppressing it can hurt you too. You feel like you're "at a dead end" and have no choice. But you do! You have more choices than you think.

You can keep being tied to your family and spending your life with them. You can even give up the chance to have a life with all kinds of possibilities because of family problems. You can take this chance to separate from your original family and your sister who isn't motivated. You can even have more, with different directions in front of you. These are all your choices.

2. It's always a good idea to look at things from different angles. That way, you'll see more possibilities and have more choices.

From their perspective, your parents love you both equally. As you mentioned, they tend to favor your sister because she's not well. But they don't realize that this has caused you a lot of pain. They were just trying to look out for her, but it's affected you deeply.

It's totally normal to feel like you're not good enough or worthy sometimes. We've all been there! But the thing is, when you have these feelings, they can come up again and again in similar situations. And that can make you relive that pain.

Now that my sister has become an adult, my parents have to face some challenges. They have to pay a price for their past "bias," "inaction," and "overaction." 400,000 yuan: problems that money can solve are not problems. But these are their problems, not yours.

I know it can be tough to choose to "stand by and do nothing" when it might affect your values and sense of morality. But remember, you're braver than you think! If not now, when?

At the very least, this will help you teach your parents and sister to respect your sense of boundaries, which is really important.

We all want to help others, but we must first have the energy to do so. When we don't even have a bun in our hands, how can we give one to others? And being grateful to your parents and affectionate towards your sister is not something that must be shown in just one thing.

You're a highly educated person with your own judgment and thinking skills. I know you'll make the right choice, whether it's to break through or to find the strength to keep going.

All the books you've read, the education you've received, the people you've met, and the life experiences you've had are all your wealth, my dear friend.

I really hope this helps you, and I love you so much! ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep in touch and see you grow and flourish!

Greetings.

From your written account, it is evident that you have experienced significant challenges.

You were able to gain admission to college and subsequently repay your student loans. Your efforts have been rewarded with a diploma and a broader understanding of the subject matter.

Despite your physical limitations, you possess a robust mental fortitude and have demonstrated an aptitude for integrating financial principles and credit.

These challenges have resulted in the growth of resilience and fortitude within your psyche.

Your life is of great value, and you have demonstrated the resilience of the human spirit.

You possess tenacity.

Furthermore, it is evident that "Whale Factory Q&A Master" has also joined the ranks of the answerers. It is clear that your situation is being supported by psychosocial assistance.

It would be beneficial for you to seek out some companionship and emotional support.

Your family of origin has been a source of disappointment and despair.

The family member in question accumulated a debt of 400,000 yuan.

Furthermore, the incessant calls from one's parents can transform familial bonds into a form of debt collection. Additionally, one may encounter unwarranted and unwarrifiable moral judgments.

Despite their lack of clarity regarding the situation, they persist in their demand for unreserved attention.

Parents and sisters are obliged to manage their own lives and assume responsibility for their own lives and credit. Rather than seeking refuge in the protective shadow of their children, they must learn to mature and take accountability for their actions.

In the case of a regular bank credit card debt, repayment can be arranged in installments. It is recommended that the relevant parties communicate directly with the bank and negotiate the terms of repayment.

In the event that the creditor is a licensed consumer finance company, the debtor is similarly obliged to confront the situation and engage in negotiations.

In the event that the channels of communication are informal, there are legal issues that require the assistance of public interest lawyers.

One's life is not a constant exercise in compromise with one's parents and siblings.

You have endured significant challenges, yet you possess the capacity to thrive independently.

One must not allow oneself to be intimidated by the prospect of further injury to one's self-assurance and fortitude at the hands of one's family of origin. At the core of one's being, there is an unwavering conviction.

Hello, I'm Shu Yaqing, a psychosomatic coach at One Psychology. Let's talk about how to handle the situation.

The parents took care of their sister, who was sick. They were the oldest, so they took care of themselves and their sister. They also took care of their parents when they got old and paid off their sister's debts. It felt like they couldn't do anything. Hug you again.

You got into college, found a job, and paid off your loans. You can see your feelings and get help through psychology. You are great!

01. Your current situation

You have your own problems.

400,000 yuan is a lot of money for someone your age who has just paid off their student loans and has only been working for two years.

If parents can't treat their daughters fairly, why should they demand more from a child who is already overwhelmed? Do they have to make their child do as the legendary Nezha did, "chop the bones to repay the father and the flesh to repay the mother"?

Many people's relationships with their birth families can last a lifetime, causing conflict and confusion.

Many people lack parental love and look for ideal parents, which causes relationship problems.

Hugging you again, meeting such parents and an older sister has put you in a bad situation.

Your sister is to blame for what happened.

It's time to let them wake up and take responsibility. You only need to take responsibility for your own life.

Accept your family and parents, but don't condone or give in.

Try to tell them you can help, but only if you can.

For example, divide your salary into three parts: for yourself, for your finances, and for your parents. Don't compromise.

② Learn to be happy with yourself.

This kind of experience has probably made you stronger and more independent.

They don't disappear. They turn your sadness into a river.

Hug yourself and tell yourself you're wonderful and I love you.

③ Learn to show weakness when dealing with parents who are partial.

Children are their own people. Parents can only give them life and love, but they cannot live their lives for them.

You don't have to be strong in front of your parents. You can also tell them about your problems and say you're tired and need their love.

03. Be a good mother to yourself.

If they can't give you fair love, be a good mother to yourself.

You have two vulnerable children inside you. One was hurt before, and the other is lost now. How can you ask the hurt child to comfort the lost one?

Be your own good mother. Give yourself a warm hug and tell yourself, "You are the best. You have worked hard to learn and grow, and you want to help and love your family. It's okay, take your time.

When you feel helpless, frustrated, and angry, be a good mother to yourself first.

We can all be our own good mothers first. Give yourself a hug, soothe yourself, and say, "It's okay, take your time."

Imagine getting this reassurance, care, and acceptance now.

Breathe slowly. Feel the comfort and acceptance. Then turn around and face yourself again. What will you be like?

Has your inner self become calm, stable, and powerful?

Self-care nourishes our lives.

When you forgive and love yourself, you will feel loved.

Read some psychology books on self-care and self-growth.

The world and I love you and want to help.

Click "Find a coach" to communicate one-on-one.