What should I do if I'm angry when I get home from work and my 11-year-old tells me that he lied?

Hello! I'm Rose, I'm here to listen.

I understand your feelings as a mother of two. Seeing your child lie makes you feel like you're losing control. But you're realizing that your anger is not justified and that you need to find a better way to handle it.

You are a mother who cares about your child's development. That's great.

How do you react when your child lies?

The key to good parenting is clear boundaries. If your child lies, she has to face the consequences.

If she plays without finishing her homework, she may be up late at night doing it. If she doesn't finish her homework, her teacher will criticize her.

Your reaction to this is personal. What do you feel when your child lies?

Then you can adjust your mood and not yell at your child.

What are you worried about your child? This shows you don't trust them.

Or you're worried people will say you're a bad mother. Remember, no one can judge you as a mother unless you love your child.

Psychologist Li Xue says parenting is a form of self-cultivation for mothers. When faced with a child's problems, we often see our own problems. This requires us to practice self-awareness. When we can calm our emotions, we will be able to deal with other issues.

Mothers only need to do 60% of the job. We can handle our own problems, and we believe that our children can do the same. This trains our children to take responsibility for themselves.

I love you, world! Blessings to you!

Hello, question asker!

First of all, your description shows me a scene.

A child promised his mother in the morning, when she left for work, that he would do his homework properly at home. It's so lovely to see a child who trusts their mother so much!

But when she comes home after a hard day's work and sees that her little one hasn't done the homework and is playing outside, she really feels quite angry.

It seems like he promised his mom he'd do his homework, but then he ended up disappointing her. It's like he was cheating on her, you know?

I'd love to share some thoughts with you!

1. Take a moment to reflect on how you made the agreement with your child.

It's so important to remember how your little one makes a deal with you. For instance, you could agree on how much work there is to be done today.

It's so important to plan together with your child what will happen if you can do it, and what will happen if you can't.

When kids plan with their parents, they're more likely to stick to their word. It's all about making it something they want to do, not something they're forced to do.

2. I'd love to know why mom was angry.

At first glance, it seems like the mother was upset because her child went out to play without finishing his homework. I can relate! It's tough to work and raise a child at the same time.

Also, the mother had chosen to believe her child, but it backfired. So the poor mother feels a bit hurt and thinks the child is lying.

I'm sure that's it! And of course, you can also sense the mother's concern for her child.

Oh, I do hope the child doesn't get into the habit of not doing their homework and playing instead! And I'm sure the mother just wants the child to be honest with her.

3. It's okay to feel angry. We all do. But try to accept your emotions and slowly adjust yourself.

From your description, I could really sense how angry you were at the time. But you did the right thing by asking a question instead of scolding your child.

I really admire your wisdom in handling this situation so well.

When you're feeling angry, it can help to take some time to yourself. Then, write out your feelings on paper.

Afterwards, tear it up! I've tried this myself and it really helps to regulate your mood.

Once things have calmed down, it's a great idea to have a chat with your little one. You might find some new ways to connect and communicate.

I really hope this helps!

Hello, I hope my answer helps.

As a mother, I understand how you feel, but there must be a reason behind your child's behavior. We can communicate with our children and listen to what they think to understand their needs. For an 11-year-old, we can help them learn to manage themselves. We need to give them room to grow, trust, and encouragement.

My advice is this:

Lying is just a symptom. We need to understand why a child is acting this way.

A child may lie to avoid criticism from a parent. To help the child understand why they are angry, explain that they didn't finish their homework on time and didn't tell the truth. Then, listen to their reasons for going out to play without finishing their homework. If they say a friend came to play, ask if they thought about doing their homework first. If they lost control of time, discuss how they can do better next time.

For example, he can bring a watch and pay attention to the time, or he can discuss with his friend that he will finish his homework first.

2. Seeing hope that your child can complete their homework is hoping that your child can study hard. To get your child to study hard, make studying happy, not painful.

Every parent wants their child to learn well. We often think that we need to be strict and control our children's studies. However, this is not the case. If we are too critical, controlling, or even violent towards our children when it comes to their studies, they will associate learning with pain. This will make them less interested in learning. If we can help our children associate learning with happiness, they will be interested in learning and happy when they think of it. They will then want to learn on their own.

Playing helps children relax and concentrate on homework. It's not a waste of time.

3. Talk to your child, trust them, and avoid criticism. This helps them manage themselves.

Talk to your child as an equal. Don't criticize or accuse. This makes learning seem painful. Over time, your child may dislike learning. Instead, encourage and trust your child. For example, you can say, "You forgot today, but you keep your word. You will manage your time tomorrow. You can do it. You are a person of your word."

If he has trouble making a plan, we should help him learn to manage his time. This will help him in the future.

For your reference. Best wishes!