What should I do if my boyfriend in a different city doesn't want to talk or meet because of the death of a family member?

This is a very difficult and sensitive situation, and you have made your feelings and concerns very clear. In situations like this, it is important to understand and respect the other person's feelings, but at the same time you also need to take care of your own emotions and needs. Here are some suggestions to help you face this difficult situation:

1. Respect his space and emotions: He may be going through an extremely difficult period, and losing a loved one is a huge blow to anyone. But you can help him through this! Although your presence and support are important to him, he may need some time and space to deal with his emotions right now.

Respect his decisions and let him know that you will always be there for him, ready to support him in whatever he needs!

2. Communicate openly: Even if he's not ready to talk, keep the lines of communication open! You can express your concerns and worries in a way that's supportive and encouraging.

When he's feeling emotionally stable, try communicating with him in a gentle way and ask if he needs your support or if there's anything you can do for him.

3. Take care of yourself! It's important to remember to take care of your own needs during this process. Don't forget to make time for yourself and deal with your emotions.

It is also a great idea to talk to friends, family, or mental health professionals for support and advice!

4. Stay hopeful and patient! Losing a loved one is a long and painful process for everyone, and it may take him longer to adjust to the change. But you can do this! The current situation may make you feel frustrated and confused, but you can get through it. Stay hopeful and patient, and believe that he will eventually gradually come out of the shadows.

Above all, remember to respect each other's feelings and decisions, no matter what happens. If you feel like you can't go on or that the relationship is having a negative effect on your life, it's time to focus on your own happiness and well-being. You deserve to be happy!

Good morning, I am Li Di ☀, and I am grateful for this opportunity to meet with you.

You have been in a relationship for more than three months, and you have frequent and intimate interactions with your boyfriend. Later, your boyfriend's father became seriously ill and passed away. You and your boyfriend's contact became less frequent. You actually understand him very well, and you want to support him in your own way, but you don't get any understanding or feedback from your boyfriend. Moreover, the two of you are becoming less and less connected. You have expressed anger and sadness about this, but you also feel guilty, thinking that you are putting pressure on your boyfriend. This is such a sensible girlfriend. I have also had some thoughts while reading, and I hope to discuss them with you.

First, my boyfriend's father passed away after a serious illness, which gave me a deeper understanding of him and a desire to support and encourage him. However, my boyfriend seemed to want to be left alone, which I found challenging and worrisome. In the process, I wonder if I've taken good care of myself and provided the support I need.

Secondly, I felt that I was the one who took the initiative, whereas he rarely took the initiative to contact me. I was sad and hurt. Have I ever considered what I would like my boyfriend to do about my sadness and hurt? When two people are in a relationship, they need to work at it and care for each other. His father passed away, which I can understand. But on the premise of understanding, what would be helpful for me and my boyfriend? Can I find a suitable opportunity to make things clear with my boyfriend? In this relationship, I also need to be seen.

Thirdly, I am somewhat perplexed and uncertain. Could the reason for your reluctance to meet be that you simply want to be alone? Or has your attitude towards this relationship undergone a change?

I'm curious to understand why, when I'm feeling down, I find myself pushing people away instead of seeking closeness. I'd also like to explore why I'm hesitant to communicate my doubts with my boyfriend. Could it be that I'm worried or afraid of something?

I would like to understand why I worry or feel afraid.

The above discussion is just one possible way of thinking about the situation. If there is anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can choose to ignore it. This is just one hypothesis.

Let's take a closer look at the underlying psychological mechanisms behind your feelings and needs together, with the aim of helping you to better understand and accept yourself.

From what you've shared, it seems like you're facing some uncertainty and inner conflict in this relationship. It's understandable that you want to be understood and loved, while also hoping to be a source of support for your boyfriend.

You may feel like you are in a dilemma: on the one hand, you want to maintain the relationship and give him the space he needs; on the other hand, you also need emotional response and support. This unbalanced interaction may make you feel anxious and helpless.

In situations like this, your needs—including being listened to, being cared for, and the desire for a stable relationship—are understandable. You may be hoping that he will take the initiative to contact you and that he will realize how important you are in his life.

At the same time, you may be concerned that if you continue to insist, it might further increase his stress or make you appear overly dependent on the relationship.

At the same time, your emotional experience may be revealing some deep psychological needs and expectations. For instance, you may be experiencing a state called "attachment anxiety," which is a strong emotional dependence and concern in a relationship due to uncertainty or lack of response.

It is possible that you may be seeking a sense of security and stability, as explained by attachment theory, which deals with people's needs and expectations in close relationships.

Your behavior may reflect a dependence on others and a desire for emotional connection. It's possible that you may be seeking a secure attachment style, a relationship that provides emotional support and a sense of safety.

It is possible that you may feel upset and frustrated when this support is no longer as readily available as it once was. This feeling may potentially stem from early experiences, such as the family environment or past close relationships, which have shaped your expectations and reactions to relationships.

Additionally, your emotional response may be influenced by "self-efficacy," which encompasses an individual's confidence in their abilities, including the capacity to regulate their emotions and respond to challenges. If you find yourself emotionally reliant on others, this could potentially impact your sense of self-efficacy, leading to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability.

We would like to suggest a few steps that may help you deal with the current situation better.

It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on what the relationship means to you and what you would like to get out of it. You could ask yourself what kind of relationship you can accept and where your limits are.

It might be helpful to communicate your needs. When you are ready, you could have an honest conversation with him again. You might like to express your feelings and tell him that you understand that he needs space, but also that you need him to understand your emotional needs.

It is important to remember that communication should be a two-way street, and that emotional connection should not be neglected, even during difficult times.

It may be helpful to set boundaries regarding how long you are willing to wait and how often you are comfortable interacting. Having boundaries in place can help protect your emotional well-being and let the other person know what you expect.

☆Seek support: You may find it helpful to talk to friends, family, or professionals about your situation. They can offer different perspectives and emotional support.

It may be helpful to use this time to focus on personal growth and self-improvement. Participating in activities and developing interests could potentially improve your sense of well-being and provide you with a clearer perspective on your relationship.

It may be helpful to be patient with the other person, and also with yourself. Adjusting to major life events, such as the death of a loved one, can take time.

It may be helpful to assess the future and consider whether the relationship is heading in a positive direction. Sometimes, taking a step back can provide a clearer view of the relationship and its potential for growth.

Everyone has the right to seek fulfillment and happiness in relationships. Your feelings are valuable, and it is important to respect your needs.

It is my hope that through a thorough examination of your emotional and psychological needs, you will be better equipped to navigate the challenges in your relationship and make decisions that align with your best interests.

I hope my answer is helpful. With love,

Hello!

You and your boyfriend have been in a long-distance relationship for three months, and you meet and video chat quite often. You are still in the honeymoon period, and you are quite attached to him and very dependent on him—and you love it!

During the period of being in love, a major unexpected change occurred in your boyfriend's family. In fact, you are also very sad. But you are now facing a grieving boyfriend and have the chance to comfort him and help him get over it as soon as possible. This makes you feel very excited to help!

I'm sending you a big, warm hug from afar to give you some much-needed comfort!

In most families, the father is the main breadwinner and makes all the important decisions. Later, when the boyfriend's father became seriously ill, the boyfriend had the incredible opportunity to take care of his father and suddenly had to take over the responsibility of being the main breadwinner of the family in his father's place.

His role has suddenly increased a lot, and it is impossible for him to adapt at the moment. His energy is limited, so he has to temporarily put aside his romantic feelings and take up the burden of the family.

For the past month, you have been longing to see him and video chat with him. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is in a low mood and doesn't want to meet up or talk.

The death of his father is a major blow to the family. This has had a significant impact on his boyfriend, who is now depressed. But he'll get through this!

In the face of a major blow, he has chosen to withdraw and grieve alone.

He's not ready to meet up or talk. You feel a little insecure and as if you can't hold on to him anymore.

You can't help but wonder: "I don't want to talk, I just want to be alone" is the real reason why you don't want to meet. This is your insecurity leading to suspicion, and this is your problem, which you can totally overcome by understanding and growing from within!

He's got to work through his grief, just as you have to work through yours. It's a two-way street.

He doesn't want to see you, but perhaps all along, he has felt that seeing you is a pleasant feeling. However, losing a father is sad, and these two feelings cannot be mixed together.

His main feeling right now is grief. But if he were to see you now and feel some happiness, he'd be able to move on from his guilt towards his father and the family!

He will have the opportunity to heal his wounds in his own time. I'm sure you'll be able to withstand the test of time!

He may be distancing himself from you now, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he's completely rejecting you. It depends on the state of your relationship. The good news is that you can absolutely handle a major change in reality!

You cry and argue with him because you miss him. But if he is grieving and needs comfort, how can he give you love when you are demanding it?

And you feel guilty. But you're also excited! You're in a very contradictory situation, afraid of losing him, wanting to see him.

You're so careful not to put too much pressure on him, because you don't want to drive him away!

As women, we have so many amazing maternal qualities! We have patience, tolerance, understanding, and comfort, and these are all things we can do.

No matter what, even if he doesn't reply to your messages, he can still see them! If you love him, just do what you can until he feels a little better!

We must believe in ourselves, in the relationship, and in him! Who would have thought that at such a young age he would have to experience such a major family tragedy?

Since we love him, we'll give him the freedom to do what he wants to do. We'll learn to understand him, be tolerant, and wait for him, which will help us both grow quickly!

The future is full of possibilities! It's not something we can fully control, but that's what makes it exciting. No matter what the future holds, it'll be an amazing journey.

You gave your heart and true emotions, and you received the most incredible, unforgettable relationship! This is an amazing experience. Please take care of yourself too. We must all cherish life, health, family, loved ones, and emotions!

The world and I love you, and you must love yourself too!

The demise of your boyfriend's father is a significant loss. From your description, it is unclear whether he was the only son or if he had siblings. If he had siblings, it is possible that he may have made a more rapid recovery. However, if he was an only son, it is not unusual for him to have not yet recovered after only three months since his father's death.

It is likely that you are not yet of an age to establish a family of your own, and your father has already passed away. This represents a significant loss for a young person.

The death of his father, if he is alone, will immediately increase his responsibilities. His mother has no one to rely on, and if he still has grandparents, he will have to care for the two elderly people, which will suddenly increase a significant amount of invisible pressure, which is challenging for a young person to manage in a relatively short period of time.

It is also unclear what your own work and financial circumstances are. If your boyfriend's family is of an average socioeconomic status and his own job is also average, his father's death will undoubtedly be a significant burden for him.

It is evident that the future is still a considerable distance away, given that you are not yet married. Should his financial situation remain stable, he is in a position to assume these responsibilities. He has a positive relationship with his father, and it is understandable that he requires time to process the loss of his father.

Given the circumstances, it is unlikely that he will be able to engage in romantic feelings at this time. Additionally, it is important to note that you have only been together for three months. It is essential to assess the level of trust you have with each other. It is possible that your words of comfort may have minimal impact, and if possible, it is advisable to be present for him in a quiet manner. It is not necessary to say much.

Additionally, it would be prudent to consider whether you possess the requisite confidence to maintain your relationship with him in light of his response to you.

Good day.

From what you have written, I can appreciate your situation.

First of all, you wrote in your description that you and your boyfriend are in a long-distance relationship and have been in love for more than three months. You also mentioned that you usually see each other once every two weeks and video chat almost every day. It's important to note that, for most long-distance relationships, the statistics show that more than 95% of them end in a breakup.

However, many men and women choose long-distance relationships because of the theory that "distance creates beauty." Now that technology has developed to the point where communication is very advanced, it is easy to meet, but difficult to understand, which can contribute to the challenges of long-distance relationships. In addition, you mentioned in your description that you had been in love for three months. One of the notes in the love manual is to be cautious of the three-month shelf life, let alone a long-distance relationship.

Secondly, you wrote in your description that your father became seriously ill and was in the ICU. It seems that you spoke on WeChat, but he was reluctant to meet up, citing that it was inappropriate for his girlfriend to be around and that he was under a lot of pressure. Unfortunately, your father passed away three months ago, and you're still in a low mood and have no desire to meet up.

During this period, there were only a few words on WeChat each day, and sometimes there was no reply. Phone calls and video calls were even less frequent, with only one or two in the past few months.

About a month ago, I suggested that we meet in person, but he indicated that he was not ready for that at the time. When I inquired about his reasons, he simply stated that he was not in the mood to talk and wanted to be left alone.

I would like to express my sympathies to your boyfriend's family. I can imagine this is a difficult time for them. It can be helpful to take time to reflect and process one's emotions. Your boyfriend may find it beneficial to have someone to talk to and support him during this challenging period.

It is important to recognize that any sad event cannot be resolved in a short period of time. At this time, he may benefit from the guidance of a psychologist to help him navigate his grief in a way that is both effective and timely.

In your description, you mentioned that over the past few months, you have experienced a sense of longing, continued to offer support and encouragement through WeChat, and often inquired about his situation. Typically, you have taken the initiative to connect, while he has not always reciprocated.

However, you feel very uncomfortable and are very confused. You say, "I don't want to talk, I just want to be alone." Is this a genuine reason for not wanting to meet? Or has your attitude toward this relationship actually changed?

"Why, when I'm feeling down, instead of wanting to be close and intimate, does he push me away?" From his current behavior, it seems that a large part of him does want to push you away. After all, the distance between the two of you is not only psychological but also physical.

Naturally, you may feel that your relationship is normal until it is broken off. However, if the other person is truly like you when you are alone, it may be time to consider leaving for a short time or for good.

It might be helpful to consider the following advice.

1. The most common model suggests that the best way to maintain this relationship is for you to go and see him. However, it might be safer to consider other options.

2. Given the challenges of a long-distance relationship, you might consider asking your partner to visit you at your place to seek the guidance of a psychologist.

3. It might also be helpful to consider your future in this situation. Is this long-distance relationship something you want to continue?

Please note that the above is for reference only.

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi, a Heart Detective coach.

The questioner is still in the relationship stage, and I think that the questioner and her boyfriend are a good age for each other. At this age, we haven't yet learned to adapt to loss. Major events such as the death of a loved one can cause great psychological trauma and take a long time to adjust to and recover from.

The questioner might want to think about what support they've given and what stressful things they've done since their boyfriend's father became seriously ill and then died. If it's the former, it might be better to wait until he's recovered before communicating. If it's the latter, it might also be necessary to wait until the other person has calmed down before communicating. The questioner's emotional reaction to him now might make him drift further and further away.

The questioner might ask themselves, would it make them feel uneasy if someone who acted as if nothing had happened after the death of their father quickly got back into a relationship? Allowing them to have a recovery period might bring the two of you closer together.

If someone's got low mental energy, especially when they're in a bad mood, they might want to be left alone. It's not weird. The people around them might want to chat and give them a bit of TLC because they care too much, which will make them feel like they've got to open up even though they don't want to, and they might avoid the relationship as a result.

The questioner might want to ask themselves whether they really want a response from the other person because they want to understand their current state, or because they're worried about the relationship changing. What's the worst that could happen?

If this is already the case, can the question owner accept it? Trying to prepare for the worst often gives us more strength.

Accompanying is the most affectionate way to confess. The questioner's boyfriend may not need comfort right now, but just someone to be with quietly, or a shoulder to lean on, to let him know that you're always there for him. This might make him feel better than asking him to respond.

Giving the other person space and time alone will help them heal and recover. Why not ask him how long it will take him to get over his grief? You have always been there for him, and perhaps it will arouse less resistance in the other person than constantly asking for a response.

The questioner might want to try to be alone during this time, take up a hobby to distract themselves, avoid focusing too much on him, which might stress him out, and thus avoid meeting. It will also enrich the questioner's heart and reduce anxiety.

I'd like to suggest we all read "The Power of Empathy."

Best,

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

Emotional perception is our amazing ability to recognize, control, and regulate our emotions. It's also a wonderful manifestation of emotional intelligence!

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun writes: Many people are unable to deal with things or emotions because they confuse feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of feelings! They are the amazing physiological and biological responses of our incredible human bodies to external stimuli.

For example, if someone stabs you with a needle, you feel pain; if the north wind blows in winter, you feel cold. And guess what? Feelings not only include reactions to stimuli in the environment, but also to stimuli within oneself!

As the questioner wrote, over the past few months, I have endured the pangs of longing and often worried about my boyfriend's situation, but I feel so bad inside.

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of emotions! Emotions are people's reactions to feelings.

For example, when the surrounding environment is very hot, it's a great feeling! Your palms will sweat and your heart will beat faster, and you'll feel a sense of excitement. Emotions and feelings generally respond through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, my boyfriend rarely initiates contact with me, and I'm very confused. But I'm excited to see what happens next!

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! It's all about how we understand and interpret our feelings and emotions.

The amazing thing about thoughts is that they don't originate in the peripheral nervous system. They originate in the central nervous system, which is really fascinating because it involves understanding and interpretation.

The questioner wrote something that really got me thinking: why does my boyfriend not want to be close to me when he is in a bad mood, but push me away?

Next, we get to go through the process again! This time, we'll see if we can understand my boyfriend's emotional changes and then manage and express our own emotions to solve this emotional perception problem.

What do I feel and think when I learn that my boyfriend doesn't want to see me because his father is seriously ill in the ICU? I get to support him and encourage him!

Absolutely! We can definitely ask ourselves what difficulties my boyfriend is facing now. Are they his own problems, or are they between us?

I'm so curious to know what I'll feel and think when my boyfriend is no longer depressed three months after his father's death and has no desire to see me. I'm excited to find out what the real reason is why he doesn't want to see me!

I'd love to know why he doesn't want to get close to intimacy, but pushes me away!

Absolutely! We can definitely try to ask ourselves what we admire about our boyfriend and what he admires about himself.

And we can also try to ask ourselves, have these factors changed now? And we can also try to ask ourselves, if I encounter something at home that upsets me and makes me feel bad, what would I like to do?

I would love for my partner to do this!

So, what are my feelings and thoughts after I have cried and yelled at him? Well, my boyfriend rarely takes the initiative to care about me. But, you know what? I shouldn't put pressure on him at this time. And you know what else? I feel bad too!

In fact, we can try to ask ourselves, what is the ideal boyfriend like? What is the ideal self like?

What is the ideal kind of intimacy? What are my real needs? Let's find out together!

I'd love to know what I can do about it!

It's truly amazing how our feelings, emotions, and thoughts are actually a seamless coordination between our nervous system and our brain. When we have a harmonious and smooth relationship and coordination between these two incredible systems, it can make us feel completely calm and at ease.

It's so important to be aware of our emotions and to record what we're feeling in the moment. Your writing is just for you, so go ahead and write about your feelings honestly and openly! This will help us understand the causes and effects of emotions and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

We can reply to her boyfriend first, and we're really hopeful that he can handle the pain of losing his father, take care of his health, and that she will always have his support!

We can create an amazing opportunity to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend! From the moment two people meet and get to know each other, they slowly get to know each other and adapt to each other's behavior patterns. They can express their thoughts and concerns honestly, hoping to gain the other person's understanding and support, and also hear what the other person expects of them. Because we learn to love each other, we can establish a beautiful and lasting intimate relationship!

Absolutely! We can also seek help because this matter is troubling you. It's totally normal to need a little help sometimes. So, try to find a family member or friend who he trusts and has always given him positive support to talk to. If he feels it is necessary, he can also find a counselor. Emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

Absolutely! We've got to keep exploring the path of self-improvement and self-awareness. Before we know it, we'll be discovering our own unique value and building a self-assessment system. Read more to enrich yourself, exercise more to strengthen yourself. When you have a stable core, you'll be able to stand on your own two feet. You'll be confident and calm, and you'll be ready to show your boyfriend who you are!

I'm so excited to recommend this book: Know Thyself, Accept Thyself!