What should I do when my husband doesn't care about anything?

Good day, my name is Zeyu.

From the description, it appears that the questioner anticipates a leadership role from the father. It seems that the image of the father is that he is responsible for at least some of the major and minor matters and can perform some of the housework. However, he still does things his own way, which makes it challenging for the questioner to understand.

As you correctly observed, your father was indulged during his formative years. Consequently, you anticipate that he will fulfill his obligations, given your own experience of such treatment. However, your father has not demonstrated any such willingness or ability. Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude that he will not do so.

It is important to note that the questioner is already in his thirties. In our country's marriage system, the questioner's father is at least in his fifties or even older. In our country, people of this age are classified as middle-aged or elderly. As middle-aged or elderly people, their responsibility is to eat, drink, and have fun, take care of their grandchildren, and let the next generation take care of the family's affairs.

In this case, regardless of how much change is desired, it is essential to consider realistic factors and practical possibilities. The questioner may be expressing frustration with perceived unfairness in the father's inability to contribute and care about certain matters. While this is an understandable sentiment, it is crucial to assess whether such expectations are realistic for the father at this stage.

We can now engage in a consultative discussion with our father. We should take the initiative to invite him to participate in daily housework. We can teach him to start with small tasks and allow time for his growth. We should also listen to his perspective and understand his reluctance. Additionally, we must clearly explain our expectations to foster a sense of responsibility and autonomy. We should encourage him to take the initiative and cultivate a sense of participation and accomplishment.

It is my hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial in improving the relationship with your father, fostering greater tolerance and understanding, and ultimately enabling the original poster to identify a suitable solution to achieve their desired outcome.

Hello, I'd like to offer you a hug from my heart to yours.

Upon first reading the title, I initially assumed this was likely a question posed by a teenager, which prompted a slight sense of frustration.

From reading the description of the question, I understand that the questioner is in his thirties, which may present a challenge.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems that she and her father were both spoiled by their grandmother.

Now that Grandma has passed away, Dad is still waiting to be spoiled. It seems that this time it is the child who has taken on the responsibility of spoiling Dad.

It seems that this family has continued the practice of spoiling their children. I wonder if the question asker did not mention his mother and grandfather. If the question asker's mother were still alive, she might have continued the role of the grandmother and continued to spoil the question asker, so that the question asker could be like his father and not have to worry about anything. However, the question asker did not mention his mother and grandfather, two very important roles in the family.

The questioner's father was raised by his mother and did not have to take care of his own children. He was also supported by his mother in caring for his mother. This may have led to a lack of experience in taking on adult responsibilities. Additionally, he may not have had the opportunity to learn how to mature and grow up.

Human growth is a long-term process, and it's not realistic to expect people to suddenly mature overnight. Just like the questioner's father, who has not been involved in anything for decades, it's unlikely that he will naturally learn to take care of things and know how to do it just because his mother has passed away.

Let's consider a scenario where, following Grandma's passing, the questioner and his father are the only remaining family members. Given their upbringing and circumstances, it's understandable that they might initially find it challenging to assume the role of caregiver. It's natural for individuals to have different strengths and preferences, and it's possible that one might feel more inclined to take on this responsibility than the other.

It is, however, evident that the father will emerge the winner, while the child will be the one to suffer the consequences. The father's hands-off management style has resulted in the child being forced to take on the responsibility of caring for the father and the family.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why the child, rather than the father, is taking on this responsibility. This may be related to the psychology of power and authority in our parent-child relationships.

While we often say that we are equal, in parent-child relationships, parents naturally have a psychological advantage. When children are young, they need their parents to raise them, and parents play the role of authority. As children grow up, they face another big responsibility, for example, to be filial to their parents and take care of them in their old age.

It seems that the questioner may have a subconscious feeling that his father is old and that it is time for him to take on the role of filial child and care for his father. If the child does not do so, others may say, "That's your father. You have grown up and it is time for you to take care of him."

It is perhaps not entirely relevant whether the father has ever raised a child. What is important is that now, the child is an adult and the father is an elderly man, so the child has to take care of the father.

This moral judgment can lead to the child taking on the responsibility of care. It is a decision that is made jointly by the other person and the child.

It should be acknowledged that the father also deserves credit.

All of this has unfortunately led to the current situation, where it seems the father is not particularly concerned about anything, and the child is understandably reluctant to take on the responsibility of caring for him.

The questioner asks, "What should I do now?" I must admit that I am unsure myself.

The questioner hopes that her father will take charge and change. However, given his current circumstances, it may be challenging for him to do so.

It is challenging to expect the father to change on his own initiative, even if the child is reluctant to take care of him. The father still has the stick of filial piety, which makes it difficult for him to do so.

As for the original poster, she hopes that her father will take charge of some things, but feels somewhat aggrieved because she has also been spoiled. The original poster said that her grandmother had passed away many years ago. I wonder if I might ask what the pattern of your relationship with your father has been like over the years.

If this has always been the case, it may be helpful to consider that this pattern has become fixed. Given the father's vested interest, it might be challenging for him to change.

I believe that the only person who can change this situation is the original poster. Given that the original poster is over 30, an adult, and seems to be able to do the daily housework, I don't think there should be any problem with life skills.

From a psychological perspective, it can be challenging. It's interesting to consider why I was spoiled growing up, yet now I find myself in a position of taking care of you, while you still don't take care of anything.

In light of these circumstances, I believe the most constructive approach would be to accept your fate and move forward.

Perhaps it would be helpful to view this as your destiny. You were spoiled by your grandmother when you were young, and that was your destiny and your blessing. Now you have to take care of your father, and that is also your destiny.

I'm afraid I can't think of any other way but to accept your fate.

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept your fate, not in the sense of giving up, but in the sense of seeing what you can do in this situation. For example, you could consider it a way of repaying your grandmother for spoiling you when you were little. You might also try not asking your father to do things and not pointing them out, as it seems that he immediately starts defending himself when you do.

Perhaps if you stop demanding, this vicious cycle might loosen. You might also consider managing your own work and life.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

I am a psychological counselor who experiences a range of emotions, including periods of depression and moments of optimism. I have a deep appreciation for the world and all its beauty.