When in a bad state, it's impossible to improve interpersonal relationships. What should one do about anxiety?

Greetings,

It is understandable that you view handling interpersonal relationships as an important matter. Even when you are in a sad mood or mentally exhausted, you still hope that you can respond to others' expressions in a timely and smooth manner.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what a smooth response might look like. How would you like others to react to your response? It might be beneficial to have a precise standard in place, rather than relying on your own personal feelings as a basis for judgment.

As a human being, your emotions will naturally fluctuate. To ensure you act with reason and restraint, it's helpful to have a guiding principle in your heart.

Additionally, if emotions are suppressed without being appropriately addressed, it can have an impact on your state of mind in the future. It's something to keep in mind, as taking care of your emotions is an important step in better managing the emotions of others.

I'm sure you're perfectly capable of taking care of your emotions, as is evident from your words. I'm just a little concerned that you may sometimes prioritize the emotions of others over your own.

It may also be the case that the incident left a deep impression on you, which has perhaps led to a certain degree of concern and doubt about your abilities.

It is possible, however, to respond to the emotions expressed by others in a polite and respectful manner without attempting to respond or comfort them. This allows you to demonstrate your social politeness and respect for others while expressing your true feelings of being in a bad mood and feeling helpless. It is understandable that when she is in a bad mood, you may feel similarly, and when she is in a good mood, you may not. These are all common human emotions, and it is possible for others to understand each other. Perhaps others will come to comfort you or take care of your emotions instead.

It is not uncommon for individuals who do not fully comprehend the nuances of emotional expression in others to respond in a serious manner to their own emotions. This can often lead to feelings of discomfort in both parties when they interact in this awkward situation. It is perfectly normal for people to not want to talk when they are in a bad mood. However, some individuals may possess a greater capacity to navigate their emotions, which can facilitate more effective interactions with others.

There's no need to be overly concerned about your own shortcomings or missteps. It's only natural. You're striving to improve your interpersonal skills, and you have a good grasp on the situation, even if you're not there yet. This is something to be proud of.

With the benefit of your experience and the passage of time, you may find that your approach and mindset evolve and adapt. It may be helpful to view the past as a stepping stone, allowing you to look forward from a place of stability and foundation.

It's good to have aspirations, but try not to be too hard on yourself. It's important to be happy.

Hello!

From what you've shared, it seems like you're facing some challenges in your relationships and feeling anxious. I know a hug from a screen can give you a boost of energy!

When you're in a bad mood, you worry about your relationships. You care about the connection with the other person and the relationship, but you also worry that you won't be able to respond appropriately to the other person, with both high expectations and a sense of inferiority.

You might want to notice that you care about other people's attitudes and opinions, and that you've had similar experiences in your early years of growth. You might be worrying about your inability to cope freely because you believe you're not good enough. Maybe you slowly internalized this belief during your interactions with your parents in your early years of growth, and it became part of your subconscious mind, which you unconsciously use in future interactions without knowing it.

As you mentioned, "Everyone has bad days, and everyone can still get through them, right? I can do this."

You've got this.

Nobody's perfect, so don't be too hard on yourself. Emotions are part of who we are, so just be yourself.

The choices you make are based on what you think is the best decision you can make in the current situation. As time goes by, you'll naturally have different thoughts about the situation at the time.

Try to be yourself and live your best life.

I'm just a person in the rain, but I hope my sharing can help you! Best wishes!

Hello, dear questioner! Thank you so much for your question.

After reading your question, I see a child who has understood so much so early! You're someone who is overly concerned about the emotions of others, but don't forget about your own.

1. About worrying about your relationships:

Regarding the part about "When I'm in a bad mood, I worry that I might not be able to maintain good interpersonal relationships, that I might not be able to respond to other people's emotions well, that I might not be able to react in time to what other people are saying, and that I might not be able to respond appropriately,"

We absolutely have to understand what's behind our worries and fears. We've really got to ask ourselves, why do we worry about ruining relationships?

I can see that you said that you have been shocked by the anger of others. This is actually more of a superficial thing, not something essential — but it's still something to be aware of!

So, essentially, we need to be more deeply aware of things. Being shocked by the anger of others is more of a stress reaction, and it is impossible to respond more selectively. This means that we can't let this reason affect us like it has before.

In fact, we are all very real, and that's a good thing! We all have the capacity to handle relationships, but we also have the capacity to recognize when we might need a little help. That's okay! What we really need to do is first see and understand that we may have trouble with interpersonal relationships.

At the same time, you also affirm yourself! Even when you're in a bad state, you're still thinking of others. It's clear that you're a kind person!

However, kind people often need to treat themselves kindly first. First, allow yourself to not be able to always handle interpersonal relationships well. This is totally normal! We all have our moments.

2. Exciting opportunity to explore how we can respond even better to others!

The great news is that we can absolutely learn to respond well to others!

This is basically the same as worrying about our ability to get along with others. The good news is that we can all get along with each other! We just need to know that we are all ordinary people, and there are definitely times when we cannot respond well to others.

If you want to respond well to others, you've got to know how to respond well to yourself first!

Otherwise, other people will clearly sense that we are not in a good place ourselves, but still interact with them in the same way. Some sensitive people will only sense that we are trying to please them, rather than putting each other on an equal footing. But there's an easy fix for that!

This can make them feel a bit uncomfortable.

It's all about understanding our own internal conflicts, resolving our own psychological conflicts, and living in harmony with our multiple selves! When we do this, we'll naturally have great relationships with others.

Guess what! Each of us has many sub-personalities, which can also be called multiple selves. That means each of us also has many sides!

So, it's especially important to learn how to get along with ourselves first!

3. Embracing the anger of others.

I'm so excited to hear more about how you felt before you learned to respond well to other people's emotions! I'm especially interested in how you felt when you were scared by the other person's angry roar.

I really want to give you a hug and give you all the strength you need to get through these emotions! Once we've done that, we can get back to looking at the problem on a realistic level. The you at that time, who was scared by the anger of others, was actually very hurt. Can the question asker feel it?

So, what can we do to help ourselves when we're feeling wounded? We can start by loving ourselves, caring for ourselves, and comforting ourselves!

Psychologists are actually very aware of the emotions of others, and they're eager to help you understand the driving force behind them. It's not just a lack of appropriate response—there are deeper reasons, such as when someone is angry, someone or something has activated a hurt or vulnerable response in them from an earlier time (such as their childhood).

So, there's no way we can go back to everyone's childhood and respond to their wounds and vulnerabilities, is there? But that's okay!

So, what we need to do right now is embrace the fact that when others are angry, it's actually a very rare kind of kindness! Many people are unable to do this, but we can!

This is why it's okay if you don't understand! It may be that cognitive and empathic abilities cannot keep up.

For each of us adults, embracing the power to take full responsibility for our own emotions is an essential step in our journey to maturity.

I think you're going to love this! I think you may need more professional help, such as finding the help of a powerful counselor. Because, the mere words and phrases here may not be able to accompany you into a deeper part of yourself.

But when you go deeper into yourself, you will learn to love and care for yourself more—and it's a wonderful thing!

I really hope the above answers are helpful to you! I love you so much, and so does the world!

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I saw an image of a young girl with wide eyes, nervously and cautiously looking at the passers-by around her, at a loss, and being very careful. I really want to hug this shy, helpless, insecure child and tell her softly, "My dear, you don't have to be so nervous. There's no need to watch other people's expressions so closely and act accordingly. They're just passers-by, and no one's paying any attention to you. Just be yourself, do your own thing, relax...what other people think and feel has nothing to do with you!"

For adolescents, interpersonal skills are a fantastic way to build practical abilities. Many people are initially very excited to explore questions such as "What is my image in other people's eyes?", "What do other people think of me?"

"How can I make everyone like me?" This is the general psychological state of people at this age, and it's a great one!

There are also people who change themselves according to other people's ideas and opinions, and in the end, they lose themselves in other people's ideas. Why is this so?

Because at the beginning, we don't know what kind of person we are — and that's a wonderful thing!

The questioner is very concerned about other people's emotions and believes that someone yelled at you because you didn't take care of TA's emotions, which scared you. But you can learn to try your best to take care of other people's emotions in the future! Have you ever asked yourself why TA yelled at you? Is it all your fault?

In my opinion, perhaps the other person is unable to control their emotions and only knows how to express themselves by "yelling." There are so many ways to express yourself! So why yell at a young girl? It's got to be the other person's fault.

From this, it can also be seen that you are a person who is good at internal attribution. You take everything upon yourself, including things you shouldn't, such as making everyone around you like you and taking care of the emotions of those around you, which is really admirable!

And you mentioned, "When I feel sad, I can still maintain a good relationship, respond as I want, and resist other people's emotions." I can see that you have high expectations of yourself! When you feel sad, do other people take care of your emotions? Absolutely!

When you're feeling down, remember to take good care of yourself! It's only when you love and care for yourself that you can truly take care of others.

Love is like this: you've got to satisfy yourself and make yourself rich and full before you can give to others! Otherwise, if you're empty inside, you can't give to others or take care of them.

One book I'd highly recommend is called "Fill Your Own Cup First." It's all about the importance of loving yourself! When you love yourself, you're able to give out love in the form of support, encouragement, and understanding.

When others don't respond in time, we will definitely be disappointed and complain. But then, a voice inside us will say, "I've been so good to you, how can you do this to me?"

I see that you mentioned that you have grown up! This shows that you have made a lot of efforts and know what you need to grow in. Indeed, everyone needs to grow throughout their lives, and it's so great that you're doing it!

Growth is inward, and it often comes with a little pain. But that's okay! It's all part of the journey. So, your question today also carries a small wound, but it's a wound that will heal and become a badge of courage.

Hug you! Every girl needs to grow up, slowly get to know yourself, make friends with yourself, and then you will fall in love with that grown-up self! You are no exception. When you discover your own strength, you will become more confident and free!

There are so many great books out there on women's self-growth! I'd highly recommend checking out "Meet the Unknown Self," "Fill Your Own Cup First," and "Embrace Your Inner Child"!

I wish you all the best! You are going to become a totally different person!

Hello!

I want to give you a hug. The essence of a relationship is need.

Need is taking, wanting something from the other person. Love is giving.

What does it mean when you can't meet others' needs?

Am I not good enough? Do I not deserve to be liked? Am I terrible? Or will they hate me and stay away?

Is that scary? Hugs!

We can't take into account everyone else's feelings. We also long for love and prioritize ourselves.

What is a good relationship?

It's a relationship where you feel good about yourself.

If you doubt yourself in a relationship, it's toxic! You can choose any relationship. You can be loved. You are not bad (

You deserve good things.

Books on self-growth in relationships

"Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist" The toad's problems come from dealing with relationships. He went to a counselor and used ten sessions to heal. You will find yourself like the toad.

Say yes to life. Everything that happens is there to be experienced and felt. Accept it. Say yes to all kinds of relationship situations.

From Cong Fei's book, it's better to help your inner child grow up than to look for help outside. Let yourself become strong, and you'll find inner freedom.

I hope my answer helps. I love you!

Hello, dear questioner, I can feel from your words your concerns, fears, and feelings of helplessness about how you handle interpersonal relationships. I will describe my point of view, and I really hope that my next answer will be enlightening to you.

I've got a little experiment for you. It's something psychologists have done before and it's really quite simple. When you're feeling worried about something, just write it down and put it in a little box. Then, just focus on the present and concentrate on the moment. When you do this, you'll find that your worries will disappear. Or, if they do still exist, they'll lose their power over you. When you're ready, come back in a week and read these notes again. You'll see that your worries didn't actually happen, or that they didn't matter in the first place.

Second, you also mentioned that when you didn't handle interpersonal relationships well, you were scared by the anger of the other person. This is something we all make mistakes in. In other words, in interpersonal relationships, there will be more or less mistakes, and no one is perfect. We should find the reason from our failures and then try to get in touch with others. Second, the yelling of others may be simply an expression of their emotions, and it's not all because of you. You should form the correct way of attribution. And you also mentioned that you have grown a lot now, so you have been looking at your current self from a developmental point of view. Try to look at these things with a positive attitude.

I can see that you're a very talented writer! I can also tell that you might feel a bit unsure of yourself or your abilities. If you're feeling a bit inferior and think I might be onto something, I'd highly recommend reading the book "Inferiority and Transcendence." It's a great resource for learning how to overcome any self-doubt and achieve your full potential!

Wishing you all the best!

I love you, world! And I love you too!