When my mother-in-law is in a bad mood, she also passes her emotions to me. I don't know how to handle it.

Everyone has bad moods sometimes. Your mother-in-law's bad mood may lead to negative behaviors towards those around her. She may make you feel targeted, dumped on, and disrespected.

Your husband is away on business, so you can't always get his support. You have to live with your mother-in-law, who has had bad experiences.

The good news is that your mother-in-law is still honest and hardworking. You can see that the first two people got along well, but recently, she has a bad attitude.

Maybe she's had bad luck recently. It's easy for her to take it out on you. It's not your fault. It's her problem.

Your husband can help you by understanding you and talking to your mother-in-law. Take some time for yourself to relax and think about how you feel. Learn to accept that other people's emotions are not directed at you. It will get better with time.

ZQ?

Hug the original poster. I know it's hard. The hardest relationship is probably that between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law.

It's hard to be alone with your mother-in-law when your husband isn't home. If you have to be, be brave.

A mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are connected by a man, even though they have no blood ties.

Every mother-in-law thinks her son is wonderful and her daughter-in-law is a catch.

Mothers-in-law are usually more confident than their daughters-in-law, even if their families are similar.

Second, she'll think the daughter-in-law has stolen her son's love.

Handling relationships with mothers-in-law is an art form. Not only will the original poster feel aggrieved, but every daughter-in-law will have a lot to complain about.

How should we resolve this kind of relationship? It is difficult to be carefree, but we can stop suffering from it.

First, understand your mother-in-law. It's hard to change her.

The questioner is very tolerant of her mother-in-law's difficulties.

"Her husband cheated on her ten years ago. After his business failed, he borrowed 300,000 yuan from her, which he still hasn't repaid."

"Thrifty and honest."

The mother-in-law must feel insecure.

She's afraid you'll stop supporting her. Elderly people worry more.

Second, she's afraid she's not the main character in her family.

These fears and anxieties can make her irritable and out of control.

If you understand that her bad attitude is directed at herself, you may feel better.

Older people have a hard time noticing changes in their emotions, especially during menopause.

We can only understand that she's expressing her anger towards herself, and you'll feel better.

Second, see her as an important partner, not your mother.

Many girls are kind and treat their mothers-in-law as if they were their own mothers.

A mother-in-law is not really a mother.

We can argue with our mother, and make up the next day. Mothers never hold a grudge.

But arguing with your mother-in-law can make it hard to get along.

So, getting along with your mother-in-law takes tact and wisdom.

Set clear boundaries.

We can tolerate some things and take a step back.

Some things are not up for debate. You have to stand your ground.

Many daughters-in-law put up with it, but it gets worse.

It's better to work things out when you live together. Tell your mother-in-law when she oversteps the mark.

Explain calmly why you want to keep this matter and hope your mother will understand.

Be calm and gentle. Don't get emotional. This will be easier for the elderly to accept.

You can also write a letter.

I respect my mother-in-law and hope she respects me. We can work together to make life better.

The husband still needs to change his mother-in-law's mind.

The couple will always be apart, so they need to stay connected.

The husband doesn't need to change the mother-in-law. She'll be resistant.

The husband can tell the mother-in-law:

When I'm not at home, I worry about my wife and mother-in-law. I hope they can live together in harmony, and I'll feel more at ease working hard for my career.

Love will influence the mother-in-law.

The daughter-in-law and son love her.

Your mother-in-law will feel the care you and your husband show her and her sense of security will return.

The last point is to let time do its thing. As they say, distance reveals character.

As long as the original poster is kind to her mother-in-law and they communicate with courtesy.

Your mother-in-law will see your kindness and generosity over time.

If you're unhappy, tell your mother-in-law.

"Mom, I'm uncomfortable when you treat me this way. I want to be nice. If you're not satisfied, let me know and I'll try to change."

Be gentle and polite when you talk to your mother-in-law.

Persuade her with love and respect.

Your mother-in-law doesn't want to upset you. She's scared and lonely. Give her a sense of security, and everything will be fine.

I wish them a happy marriage and family!

My name is Gu Yi. I am a modest and humble individual with a consistent work ethic.

From the description, it is evident that you are experiencing feelings of frustration and sadness. Please take the time you need to process this situation.

It is human nature to attempt to exert control over one's emotions.

In any given situation, it is human nature to want to control one's emotions in order to avoid being affected by others and to prevent affecting others in turn. However, due to the complex dynamics of interpersonal relationships, it is often challenging to achieve this.

You treat your mother-in-law with the utmost respect and do your best to please her, but she somehow hurts you with her tone of voice. You feel aggrieved and think that you are being treated unfairly. At this time, it would be beneficial to let go of our own expectations and communicate with our mother-in-law. Is his mood because he has encountered something that he can't let go of and is projecting his unhappiness onto you?

If feasible, schedule a meeting with your mother-in-law or consider adopting her perspective. Enhanced communication between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can facilitate more constructive relationships.

It is essential to cultivate a greater understanding, empathy, and clarity of boundaries.

Having a clear understanding of one's own identity and interpersonal dynamics, coupled with effective relationship management, can significantly reduce the likelihood of emotional distress in a professional setting.

It is also important to be aware of the fact that everyone has a different experience and a different emotional breaking point in a relationship.

Your sadness is understandable given the circumstances. Once the situation is better understood, it will be easier to maintain a positive outlook. The cause of the situation is not your fault.

Best regards,

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body!

From your description, I can feel your inner feelings of hardship, grievance, sadness, pain, and helplessness, and I'm here to help!

I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of your concerns about how your mood might be affected by your mother-in-law's mood. Instead, I'm going to give you three pieces of advice that I think you'll find really helpful!

I would love for you to have an honest conversation with my husband!

The goal of the communication is to let him know your true thoughts!

You mentioned in your description that you and your husband got married in July last year, but your husband has been on business trips in Beijing from March last year to March this year. Your mother-in-law lives with you, and you respect her for being thrifty and hardworking. However, when you spoke to her yesterday, she was in a bad mood and spoke to you in a rude manner, which hurt you and made you cry.

Then you and your husband had a great chat, and your husband was really helpful in recognising that it was your mother-in-law's problem. He was also really supportive in agreeing to work on it, which you did, and it was a huge step forward!

Because your husband communicates with his mother more smoothly!

I still suggest that you and your husband communicate again. This time, you should talk more about your feelings with the aim of making him understand you. At the same time, you can let all those negative emotions flow! Once they flow, they will have a healing effect.

Next, I highly recommend you have an honest conversation with your mother-in-law.

If your husband communicates with your mother-in-law and she "denies" it or still vents her negative emotions on you, then you have the perfect opportunity to communicate with her sincerely!

It's also a great idea to let her know how you really feel!

Now, there are two things you should keep in mind when communicating with her:

First, try to understand her from her perspective. This is a great way to help her "hear" what you are saying!

You mentioned that her husband was unfaithful to her ten years ago and borrowed 300,000 yuan from her, which he has not yet repaid. She usually leads a thrifty life and does odd jobs. As you can imagine, she is also very depressed inside. Perhaps she lost her temper with you unintentionally, or she does not have a close friend to whom she can pour out her heart, and she feels that you are closer to her and it is safer to vent to you, etc. Of course, this does not mean that it is right for her to lose her temper with you, but I hope that you can put yourself in her shoes and think about it. This will be conducive to communication between you, which is great because it means you can work through this together!

Second, it is best to start with "I" and talk about feelings more, and not or less use "you" at the beginning. This is because the latter will make her feel rejected and accused, which is not conducive to communication between you. So let's avoid that!

For example, you can say to her, "Mom, I want to have a good chat with you. I know you may not be in a good mood recently, but I really hope you can pay attention to the attitude and tone of your words when you talk to me, because I feel that you have been losing your temper with me a lot recently. I am really hurt and aggrieved, because I have always respected you, and I long to be respected by you." And so on.

When you communicate with her in such an honest way, she is very likely to change! She may not realize that her actions have hurt you, but she will when you talk to her. At the same time, she may also tell you her innermost feelings, which will ease your relationship and improve your mood!

I really think you should give your mother-in-law some time. In the meantime, focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better.

Once you've had a sincere chat with her, she might not change right away. But that's OK! Change isn't always easy, and that's totally normal. So, give her some space and focus on yourself. Do things that make you happy!

For example, you can talk to family members or trusted friends, which can also help you release difficult emotions and achieve a therapeutic effect.

You can also try to distract yourself by doing something that makes you happy, such as exercising, eating a nice meal, etc. This will help your mood improve in no time!

It's important to remember that your mother-in-law is not going to change. Accepting this is the first step to moving forward. She is who she is, and you need to learn to communicate in a way that is firm but non-hostile. This means you can reject her emotions without being hostile.

For example, if your mother-in-law is infecting you with her negative emotions, you can say, "Mom, I don't want to hear from you right now. Talk to me when you're in a better mood, because I don't want to be affected by your bad mood." In this way, you are "detaching" yourself from her negative emotions.

This is an amazing opportunity to learn how to set limits and protect yourself!

And the best part is, when you no longer expect her to change, you won't feel as bad! That's because without expectations, there is no harm.

I really hope my answer helps you! If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach" at the bottom and I'll be in touch!

Hello,

I get it. You have a lot of grievances, and it's making you feel pretty bad. You feel like this treatment is inferior and unfair. When you're faced with it, you're a bit at a loss and don't know how to deal with it. If something like this happens again, it also makes you very worried and scared.

Your partner still gets you, thinks from your perspective, cares about your feelings, and is willing to step up and take on the parts you can't handle, like communicating with his mother. This can help calm your emotions and give you a way to release them.

First of all, you need to remember that your mother-in-law's bad attitude, sharp words, and negative emotional language are not your fault.

As soon as you started to reflect on the situation, you realised that your attitude has always been respectful and cautious. You appreciate him and you don't think you've done anything wrong to be treated this way.

It's possible that your mother-in-law is feeling some emotions too. When she's feeling particularly bad, she sometimes gets carried away in conversation. If you catch her at the right moment, she'll release some emotions that weren't originally caused by you, as well as some parts of her that are relatively blocked. This aggression will be directed at you.

It might be helpful to give yourself some different ways of coping right now. For example, when your mother-in-law is emotionally agitated, it may be a little difficult to continue with the topic of discussion, so we can take a quick break. This will also calm her emotions down a bit. Our emotions always come out faster than our thinking and reasoning.

It might be a good idea to step away from the situation for a bit. Do something else, or just leave the room. This will help you and your colleague get along better, and it'll also help you not take things so personally.

Right now, you're dealing with a lot of negative energy from your mother-in-law, which is making you feel bad and unfair. We can try to spend more time and energy on ourselves, rather than carrying other people's issues on our shoulders.

This calls for a solid grasp on the dynamics of the relationship.

As you said earlier, it's possible that at this stage and during this period of time, the mother-in-law has experienced some unfair treatment, which may have caused her to feel bad and have emotional ups and downs.

From what he says and how he acts, we can see that he has some deep-seated problems and is not doing well. It's clear that he isn't trying to treat us badly. We're there for him because he's already in a bad way.

It's important to be supportive and tolerant, and to try to understand them.

In family relationships, the best relationships are distant but not detached, close but not intrusive. Just as your little family and your mother-in-law's family can integrate with each other, they can also be okay with being independent and separate, so that they don't mix up each other's lives.

Good morning!

Perhaps it would be helpful to offer a comforting embrace to those who are feeling sad.

While the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can undoubtedly present challenges, it is evident from your description that you still hold a positive regard for your mother-in-law. It is clear that your relationship with her is generally amicable, however, it is only natural that, after living together for an extended period, there may be occasional difficulties.

It seems that when your mother-in-law is in a bad mood, it can affect you in a way that makes you feel bad too. It's possible that there isn't a significant conflict between you and your mother-in-law, but rather, it's a matter of emotional handling. Your mother-in-law is older and has experienced a lot in her life. You respect her deeply and are open to adjusting yourself to improve your relationship with her and make the two of you get along more harmoniously and happily. What can you do to make this happen? I'm happy to offer some suggestions.

1. Emotional independence.

It is important to remember that we are always affected by our environment, especially when we are interacting with other people. It is inevitable that we will be affected by other people's emotions. However, this does not mean that we cannot change the situation. As long as we are aware of it and remain vigilant, we can completely detach our emotions from other people's emotions.

Perhaps the first step is to distinguish between other people's emotions and our own. It may be helpful to remember that we are not responsible for other people's emotions, and that we are not in the wrong when someone speaks to us with bad emotions.

It's possible that when your mother-in-law speaks to you in a bad mood, you feel aggrieved because you associate her emotions and attitude with your own, thinking that she is targeting you. However, it might also be the case that this is a misunderstanding on your part, and that you are just more sensitive emotionally. You can consciously improve your psychological resilience and reduce this sensitivity.

2. It would be beneficial to cultivate more understanding and tolerance.

It is important to remember that family is not always the most conducive to rational debate. It is therefore vital that family members are able to demonstrate understanding and tolerance towards each other. Family is the smallest unit in society, and the home is where everyone's heart belongs. When we encounter difficulties outside and when we are in a bad mood, the company of our family members is often our best comfort.

It is possible that your mother-in-law has experienced a great deal of pressure as a result of her husband's infidelity, business failure, and high debt. It is also understandable that the hardships of life have occasionally led to feelings of sadness and despondency. Given that she lives in her son's house and that he is often away for extended periods, it is likely that she does not have many opportunities to discuss her problems with others. When she is in a bad mood, it is understandable that she may suppress her emotions. As the daughter-in-law, you may be able to contribute to a more harmonious relationship by putting aside your own views on right and wrong and simply trying to understand and accommodate your mother-in-law's emotions from a place of understanding and tolerance.

You have already done a great job, and it is precisely because of this that when your mother-in-law treats you badly, you feel aggrieved. This is a higher demand on you.

3. Consider using communication to resolve your own inner grievances.

You have already taken the initiative to address your concerns with your husband, and it seems that he handled the situation quite well. His approach might serve as a helpful model for fostering a more harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law.

You might also consider communicating directly with your mother-in-law.

Perhaps it would be best not to talk to him about it at the time. When you notice that she is not in the right mood, it might be best not to pay any attention to her. Just talk about the matter at hand and communicate what you want to say. Wait until after the incident to find a suitable time to calmly communicate with him, ask him how he felt at the time, and express to him your feelings at the time and your hopes.

I believe that your mother-in-law is also reasonable. After such communication, there is the possibility of enhancing mutual understanding between you and finding a way to live in harmony with each other.

I hope Hongyu's reply is helpful to you. Thank you for asking!

Hello, question asker. It's a pleasure to meet you.

You're going through a lot as a new wife. It's good that you have your husband's support.

It is challenging to maintain a positive relationship with my mother-in-law. In Chinese culture, the dynamic between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often complex, and conflicts are inevitable to a certain extent. How should we approach this?

The mother-in-law's attitude and tone of voice are unacceptable. It's clear that the questioner has suffered a lot of grievances, but because she is the mother-in-law, it is not acceptable to attack her. They got married not long ago and are not yet good at handling these things.

First of all, your mother-in-law's marriage has encountered setbacks, so I believe she still has painful memories inside. I want to know what her attitude was like before you and your husband got married. Did her attitude suddenly change?

If your mother-in-law gives you the cold shoulder for no reason, that's on her.

What can we do? The questioner should be going to her husband for help.

It's time to put your communication skills to the test. If you don't resolve this conflict, it will affect your relationship with your mother-in-law, your relationship with your daughter, and your marriage.

If the husband is unable to persuade the mother-in-law, the questioner must muster the courage to open up to her and ask her why she is acting this way. If the mother-in-law is psychologically in need of help, for example, if she is afraid of being lonely, the questioner can use sincerity and patience to treat her as a good friend and take the initiative to chat with her and go for a walk.

This will make her trust and like you. It will reduce family troubles and improve the happiness index.

I am certain that the questioner will live a happy life.

Good morning,

Host:

After carefully reading the post, I can sense the hurt the poster is experiencing. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster courageously expressed her distress and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help the poster to better understand and understand herself and her mother-in-law.

In order to better adjust yourself,

I would like to share some observations and thoughts from the post that I hope will be helpful to the poster in gaining a deeper understanding of the issue.

1. We tend to treat others in a way that we hope they will treat us.

From the post, it seems that the poster has a great deal of respect for her mother-in-law and treats her with respect. This is really commendable, and I don't think many daughter-in-laws are able to do this.

It would seem that spending time with your mother-in-law last night may have had an unfortunate effect on the host. It is not clear what has occurred, but it seems that the host is currently experiencing some difficulties. It might be helpful to try to calm down and take care of yourself.

It might be helpful to try dealing with your emotions first, and then dealing with things.

It seems that many of us have a tendency to believe that how we treat others is a reflection of how we expect to be treated. We all have our own perspective on things.

The hostess has a great deal of respect for her mother-in-law, and it is only natural that she would hope for the same in return. However, if her mother-in-law does not reciprocate this respect, it is only natural that it would cause her some discomfort.

On the other hand, during the time she spent with her mother-in-law yesterday, her mother-in-law may have caused her some pain. So, the original poster has suffered double the pain, which is why she is having such a hard time now!

2. It might be helpful to try letting go of your expectations of your mother-in-law.

It's natural to expect others to treat us the way we treat them. However, this logic may not always be entirely reasonable.

It's important to recognize that giving and receiving are not necessarily the same thing. We can't control how others think or how they treat us.

It may be helpful to consider letting go of our expectations of our mother-in-law and not expecting her to be as good to us as we are to her.

It is important to recognize that the living environment and education of the mother-in-law may differ significantly from our own. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and disagreements.

After discussing this, I wonder if the host's mood has improved. Disagreements are to be expected.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider letting go of our expectations of our mothers-in-law. It may be beneficial to avoid focusing too much on the absence of conflicts with them and to let go of the idea that they will be like us towards them.

This may help the host to feel less emotionally overwhelmed.

3. It would be beneficial to develop your own defense system.

It's important to remember that we are the only ones who can truly hurt ourselves. It's not the event itself that causes us pain, but our perception of it.

Perhaps we could consider reinterpreting what happened yesterday. If you haven't done anything wrong and have done what you should do, it might be helpful to ask yourself why you would feel sad.

It's possible that the mother-in-law is simply in a bad mood.

It's possible that your mother-in-law is going through a rough patch. Everyone has their own challenges and experiences, and it's likely that she's dealing with some personal issues that might be affecting her mood. It's important to remember that she may not be targeting you, but rather expressing her frustration in a way that's understandable given her circumstances.

It's important to remember that when we're feeling emotional, it can be challenging to control our reactions, even when it comes to our mother-in-law.

It may be helpful to remember that the key issue here is not about the mother-in-law, but rather that we need to realize that this has nothing to do with us. Would that help to make you feel better?

4. It would be beneficial for family members to strive for mutual understanding and tolerance.

It might be helpful for the host to find some time to communicate with the mother-in-law, express their feelings, and let her know what you can and cannot accept. This could help her understand your expectations and you could gain a better understanding of hers.

By following this approach, it is possible to live together in a way that is respectful of each other's needs.

Furthermore, it is important to recognize that conflict and hurt feelings are inevitable in any family. During this time, it may be beneficial to focus on understanding and tolerance as a means of navigating differences.

It is also important to remember that we may have bad moods and need to be tolerant of ourselves sometimes. When our mothers-in-law do things that don't meet our expectations, it is helpful to try to understand that the habits they learned in their generation cannot be changed, and to learn to be tolerant.

It is important to remember that tolerance is not the same as connivance.

I hope that these words will be of some help and inspiration to the original poster. I am Zeng Chen, a psychometric coach from OnePsych.

First, consider offering a warm embrace to the aggrieved party. It's true that we often encounter individuals with negative energy in life, but we often have the option to choose how we interact with them. However, you and your mother-in-law spend every waking hour together, which can undoubtedly be challenging.

It seems that you are also very good at putting yourself in other people's shoes. You try to stand in your mother-in-law's shoes to understand what she has been through. She has also had many setbacks in her life, but this does not fully explain the impact of her emotions on you.

A marriage is a complex and integrative relationship that involves not just your partner but also the whole family. It can be helpful to consider ways of strengthening our sense of boundaries, so that we can feel loved and belong, while also being respected as an independent individual.

It is possible that your mother-in-law's negative energy may have an impact on your mood. It is also possible that you may have picked up some of her emotions, which have broken through your boundaries. While this was not originally your problem, it is something you now have to bear together. However, you do not want to neglect her, and this is upsetting you.

If it is possible for you to do so, you might like to consider the following options:

If it is possible for you, you might like to consider trying to live separately.

2) It might be helpful to communicate more with your husband and try to gain his understanding and support.

3) It may be helpful to learn to establish your own boundaries, express your feelings, and say "no" to negative energy. It's important to avoid letting grievances become the norm.

4) It might be helpful to try to enrich your own life and spend less time alone with your mother-in-law.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful. I wish you the best!