When people are nice to me, I feel very tense and anxious, and rebellious.

Good day.

I appreciate your commitment to fostering positive relationships with others. I strive to maintain a harmonious rapport with my colleagues, and I believe that everyone can contribute to a positive work environment. Your attitude is commendable and demonstrates a genuine desire for excellence.

Based on your description, I would like to discuss the following areas with you:

1. You mentioned a classmate of yours who you said usually doesn't treat you very well. Could you please provide more details? Could you give an example of how she treats you badly?

Please describe your feelings at the time.

2. You mentioned that no one in your previous dormitory liked you on the surface. Here you emphasized the word "surface," which means that their behavior was obvious. As with the previous question, can you provide more details? For example, what kind of thing happened at the time, what did you and your roommates do and say, and what kind of actions or words made you feel that they didn't like you?

3. You mentioned that when others are nice to you, you tell yourself that you must be nice to others as well. However, you also feel annoyed by this and are reluctant to be told what to do. Could I understand it to mean that your attitude of being nice to others is not something you want to do, but something you feel you should do?

It is not necessary to make assumptions about how others perceive us or to do things we do not want to do in order to please them.

Do not acquiesce to the pressure of others. When you perceive a negative attitude from others, or a lack of affinity, inquire within: "Did she say that to make me feel this way?" and "Do I think this way on my own?"

In addition, it would be beneficial to pay attention to some of your actions and words when interacting with others. Are there any that may cause discomfort to the majority of people? Take the time to identify these factors that may create disharmony.

As a student, it is important to take the time to understand the relationship between behavior and feelings. This will enable you to adapt more quickly to the complex environment of the workplace when you enter society in the future.

I hope you will be able to communicate openly and honestly, act with integrity, and consider the feelings of others as well as your own.

Kindness is a way of life. You help me, I help you. This creates a harmonious society.

When others are nice to you, you feel tense and anxious. You don't want to help them.

You will still feel nervous because you don't know if other people are nice to you because they want something from you. You don't know if they will ask you for help in the future. This is a time when we feel a lot of doubt and broken emotions.

Also, changes in relationships can make you think a lot. People in your dorm don't like you. If they don't like you, there will be tension. Being nice can make people suspicious.

You have a lot of annoying emotions inside you, and you don't want to be ordered around. You can say no and choose for yourself. You can refuse to help others or do what someone else asks. Take the Life Foundation Color Psychological Test to understand what kind of life you want. Good luck!

ZQ?

Hello, question asker.

Don't you hold yourself back too much?

Don't demand that you respond well to other people's kindness and friendliness. You will only feel annoyed inside and rebel against being ordered what to do.

This contains several emotions:

1. You typically feel neglected, so the sudden kindness makes you feel both happy and uneasy, and you're concerned about what you'll get in return.

2. You respond eagerly to the other person's attitude, confident that you can maintain a positive relationship. You recognize that your friendliness and sincerity have been reciprocated, and you are proud of your ability to build connections.

3. You have long been accustomed to other people's cold attitudes. You get friendly treatment from others for your unintentional actions, and you can maintain a certain behavior to get continued enthusiasm and support. This kind of thinking is wrong. It makes you feel stressed and bound.

You just need to continue being yourself! This unexpected gain is the result of your most natural state of expression. You gain friends not because you want to, but because your friendliness and most sincere attitude have been reciprocated by others, and they have returned your gratitude.

Don't care what others think. Stick to your principles, do what's right, and speak your mind. Be polite and helpful because you want to, not because you have to.

Hello, question asker!

I saw your question on the platform and I'm excited to help! It sounds like you're struggling with a bit of a dilemma. On the one hand, you want to be nice to others because you feel like it's the right thing to do. But on the other hand, you worry that if you don't behave well, people will withdraw their kindness and stop being nice to you. It's a tough spot to be in! I'm here to help you find a way to adjust your state of mind so you can be the best version of yourself.

Let's get to work and sort out your problems!

1. From what you have described, it seems that a lot of it is your own internal drama and psychological projection. You place too much importance on other people's comments and opinions about you. If someone is a little nicer to you, you will feel a huge psychological burden. On the one hand, you worry that the next second someone will be unkind to you, and on the other hand, you force yourself to be nice to others. You keep forcing yourself like this over and over again, so how can your state of mind be good? Let me tell you something that will really help you!

2. You want to be recognized, praised, and rewarded for everything you do. Everyone feels this way sometimes, and that's okay! Just because you're being nice doesn't mean others will be nice to you. Whether others are nice to you is their business, and you can't demand it. When you get along with others, you may get things that you can't see, not just the surface. Your giving is selfless. You don't need others to give you anything in return. So why do you care about their attitude towards you?

When you get annoyed by this problem again, try taking a deep breath. This is a great way to calm down and keep your cool!

3. You don't have to be so careful all the time, because you can be more relaxed! Adjust your mentality, get along with others with an ordinary heart, and treat problems with an ordinary heart. You will live a more relaxed and carefree life than you do now!

I really hope my answer helps! The world and I love you ♥

Hello, I'm Gu Yi.

Your description shows emotional problems in growing up and communicating with others.

Know yourself.

A classmate asks for your help and is nice to you. You feel nervous because you think you should return the favor. This can make you feel oppressed.

When someone asks for your help, it's because they value you. How others treat you is based on your character.

How do we know ourselves and accept our emotions? Circumstances change, so our feelings change too. We should just be ourselves and not try too hard.

.

If people treat you well because you're helpful, accept it. If they like you because you're kind and get along with others, accept it.

We can handle it by understanding and judging different situations differently.

Be yourself.

Sometimes we're ourselves, but we're not happy or don't want to do something.

Be true to yourself and know your situation.

Knowing what you want helps you feel at ease and avoid emotional disturbances.

Cultivate your own spiritual world. It's easy to start, but difficult to end.

People's needs change, so we think differently about improvement. After solving the problem of food and clothing, we want to move up from plain food to fine rice and white flour. Solving material problems is like finding a soulmate.

People suffer because they follow their desires. If we can be true to ourselves, we will be happy.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker. I am the answerer, Enoch. From your description, it's clear that you rebel internally when others are nice to you in your daily interactions with classmates. You're conflicted, not wanting to obey the internal command that you should be friendly to the other person. This causes you to lose control and speak to people in a less friendly manner. You want to adjust your mindset and achieve inner balance and comfort.

We must identify the root cause of this situation.

1. Personality reasons lead to a preference for giving orders in interpersonal relationships rather than obeying.

The questioner's personality is likely an A-type personality. A typical characteristic of an A-type personality is that they like to dominate others in interpersonal relationships, give orders, and make others obey them. However, they don't like being dominated. This makes the people around them feel suppressed in the process of interacting with them, which alienates them further. In fact, the roommates may not dislike the questioner, but just feel pressure in the process of interacting with the questioner and want to avoid interacting with the questioner. The example cited by the questioner is that although the questioner's attitude towards the other party is very good, the other party seems to have also issued a request for help, but to the questioner, it feels like an order, so the questioner itself is very resistant. This makes it difficult for the questioner to respond to the other party with a friendly attitude.

2. They lack the ability to control their emotions, making it difficult for them to integrate into the surrounding environment.

Your personality is shaped by both your innate temperament and your acquired environmental factors. You are a choleric type by nature, and you tend to be impulsive, have difficulty controlling your emotions, and like to give orders. You lack the ability to obey, but your acquired environmental adaptation process is conducive to better refining your character. Therefore, you can control your instinctive reactions and emotions in the process of living with your roommates day in and day out to adapt to the environment. However, you are not aware of the problem, so you are still accustomed to using instinct or the habits you developed at home when interacting with your family to get along with the people around you, which has led to emotional discomfort and interpersonal relationship difficulties.

I have the following suggestions for the questioner, and I am confident that they will be helpful.

1. In the process of getting along with your classmates, you must reshape your character and make your personality more complete.

In the process of getting along with classmates, the questioner can and should control their instinct of not being dominated. They must learn to actively cooperate with others and accept the atmosphere of equal interaction and mutual assistance among classmates. This will ensure that they do not place their own will above others and try to accept and respect others' good ways of life and learning.

2. Manage your emotions to express a friendly attitude in a reasonable manner.

After analyzing the above, the questioner has a reasonable understanding of their own character. The questioner can then appropriately change themselves in interpersonal relationships. In particular, the more immediate need for change is to learn to control one's impulsive emotions. When one feels that one's authority is being threatened, one must control oneself from getting angry. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and think from their perspective. If you were the other person, you would be friendly and ask for help, and you would also hope that others would help you in a positive and friendly manner. Respond positively to the other person. Think from their perspective and respect them. This way, you will learn to control your emotions and get along harmoniously with the surrounding environment. You will also improve your character.

Hello! Let's give each other a hug.

You may feel uneasy when others treat you kindly. You may even doubt their intentions.

How people are treated affects how they treat themselves. If they were not treated well, they may feel uncomfortable when they are treated kindly.

Your experiences and feelings in relationships may be rooted in early childhood trauma. You may have tried to show you needed to be treated kindly but got neglect and rejection. This made you feel unloved and unworthy. You may not see how important others treat you as a reflection of their fault. You may think you are not good enough for their kindness, enthusiasm, attention, and love.

You may even think their criticism and indifference show concern and love. Growing up in this environment, you become inferior and lack self-confidence. You also become uncomfortable when others show you friendliness and goodwill.

To change, you must face and repair past trauma. You were treated poorly because your parents were also unloved. When they were treated poorly, they treated you poorly.

People can't treat others well if they haven't been treated well themselves.

You can accept your emotions and behavior when you understand their roots. Change starts with acceptance.

Try to accept yourself better through self-growth, confidence, and overcoming your flaws. Believe you deserve good treatment from yourself and others.

You can see your own good and bad points. In relationships, follow your own feelings and express yourself honestly.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Make a list of your strengths to accept yourself better. Keep a gratitude journal to build self-confidence.

In your daily life, find new interests and passions to help you take control. Learn some social skills to help you interact better.

Read psychology books to learn more about yourself.

You deserve to be treated well! The world loves you.

It's natural to want to reciprocate when others are nice to you. It's a wonderful quality to have!

It is worth noting that when someone is kind to you, it is always a good idea to express your gratitude. This can be done in a variety of ways, including through your facial expressions, spoken words, or even in your heart. There are many ways to show your gratitude, and there is no obligation to do so. When we use the word "must," it can sometimes limit our options and leave us feeling hesitant.

Perhaps if we were to replace the word "can" with "can," it would be much more flexible. If we were to treat others well as a higher priority and a more likely option, we could also make many other choices, so that there would be plenty of room to advance or retreat.

Could I ask why you think the people in the dormitory don't really like you?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether it might be more beneficial to focus on seeing others as they truly are, rather than allowing thoughts of dislike to take hold. Have you had the opportunity to learn about the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy in psychology?

It is possible that we may unconsciously act in accordance with a prophecy, which could ultimately prove the wisdom of our judgment. The Rosenthal effect is an illustrative example.

Rosenthal conducted a test in a school, randomly selecting some students from the test papers, and informing the teacher that these children had great potential. The teacher was asked to keep this information confidential. After a period of time, a survey revealed that the children who had been predicted to do well had indeed made great progress.

The teacher believes the expert's assessment of the children's potential is accurate, and it seems that the children have indeed developed into highly capable individuals. If you feel that others do not fully appreciate you, over time you may discover that your mother's insights were indeed perceptive. She may have observed that you have certain challenging traits and that you and she have differing views on certain matters.

In such a situation, it can be challenging to know how to proceed. It's possible that what you're experiencing is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it's also possible that there's more to the story.

It can certainly be challenging when others don't seem to like us, especially if we're not used to it.

It's possible that there's an element of other people in this, but if everyone is pointing the finger at us, it might be helpful to consider that we should probably start by looking at ourselves.

Could it be that we could stand to be a bit more lively and cheerful, more determined, more confident, more trusting, more caring, more helpful, and better at the basics of social interaction?

Could it be that there is still much for us to learn and practice, and that we still have room for improvement?

Could it be that we place too much emphasis on the opinions of others and overlook the importance of living for ourselves? Interacting with others can enhance our lives, and self-development is essential. With sufficient knowledge and experience, we can cultivate a personal charisma that will naturally draw people to us.