Why can't I stand others being better than me? How can I develop a normal psychology?

Dear Question Asker, From your description, it is evident that the discrepancies in the pace of work and other factors between two close associates have led to the deterioration of a highly positive relationship. This has subsequently triggered a range of emotions and thoughts within you.

In this situation, you perceive annoyance towards the other party, inferiority, and suspect that the other party's sharing is to make fun of you. However, after a while, you realize that this perception is based on self-blame and a lack of confidence in your ability to maintain friendships. You also recognize that this idea is just speculation and may be unfair to your friends.

Even if you wish to resume a normal routine, the situation is distressing and you feel suicidal. This illustrates the conflict in your emotions.

It is important to identify the root cause of this conflict. Realistically, there is a discrepancy in income and wealth between the two parties, which has led to a deterioration in the original comfortable friendship. It is essential to consider whether this state of affairs will persist indefinitely.

Additionally, each individual has their own pace of work and life plan, and there may be a turning point in their life. What if she is not as financially successful as you? It is important to recognize that everyone's life circumstances are unique.

The value and beauty of life are not solely determined by one's work and income. Factors such as growth, prospects, and future development must also be considered.

Therefore, regardless of whether you are two good friends or not, you are two independent individuals who cannot be compared. When you consider this, it is likely that your inner anxiety and thoughts will be reduced.

It is important to take care of yourself because your personal thoughts are affecting your normal life. These thoughts are negatively impacting my relationship with you.

However, it will return spontaneously. At this point, it is essential to prioritize self-care. This involves controlling the amount of time spent ruminating on the issue, identifying sources of comfort and happiness, setting aside dedicated time for oneself, and refraining from investing excessive energy into the matter.

There are numerous aspects to consider in one's life, not just in the context of friendships, but also in relation to family, work, and social relationships. It is not feasible to have only one friend, including friends.

Do not devote excessive attention to the activities of your colleagues. Instead, focus on your own tasks and responsibilities.

My objectives and resources.

If I achieve my desired outcome, I will continue to strive for improvement.

I believe that as you gradually adjust your expectations, you will discover that you and your colleagues are indeed good colleagues, but the relationship is not as strong as it could be. Everyone must return to independence, work independently, and face challenges independently. In the moments when a connection is established, even if there is discomfort and imperfection, I believe that it will fade with the passing of time.

I hope you will soon find the inner peace and strength you need to move forward. I encourage you to focus on the bright future ahead.

I extend my best wishes to you and the world at large. May you find peace.

Good day. It is evident that you are experiencing distress. You are plagued by feelings of self-reproach and guilt due to your jealousy of your friends. You feel that you are not acting in a morally upright manner. You aspire to cease your feelings of jealousy towards your friends who are more accomplished than you and interact with them in a cordial and benevolent manner. I comprehend your situation profoundly.

The emotion of jealousy is instigated by the act of comparison.

It may be observed that the only occasions on which one can enjoy a harmonious relationship with one's friends are when they are not as accomplished as oneself and are mediocre. Once another individual demonstrates greater proficiency than oneself, one experiences a sense of inferiority, perceiving oneself as being less capable than the other person. This may give rise to the belief that "I am not as good as her, and she will look down on me." Such an unreasonable perception can have a detrimental impact on one's interpersonal relationships, leading to feelings of inferiority within the relationship. What one may find challenging is the perception of a person who is likely to look down on one, or to laugh at one. This can give rise to a sense of fear.

It is evident that your intermediary belief is underpinned by a core belief that you are not good enough and that you are a terrible person. It is possible that during your upbringing, you were often compared to others and that if you did not perform as well as others, you would be mocked, accused, and criticized by that person. It would be beneficial to consider how your perception was formed. You may wish to reflect on your strengths and on why others are willing to be friends with you. Is it simply because you are good that others are friends with you? It would be helpful to understand why you are afraid that others look down on you.

One might inquire as to the potential consequences of disdain or contempt directed towards another individual. What, precisely, are the underlying fears that drive such a response?

It is possible that during your formative years, individuals may have influenced your perception of interpersonal relationships. It is important to note that attributing blame to oneself is unnecessary. The source of your frustration is not your friend or their achievements, but rather the feelings of ridicule and rejection. It is essential to understand and accept oneself.

It is recommended that you endeavor to gain a deeper understanding of your own self, to recognize and acknowledge your own emotions, and to gradually alter your perceptions. This is not a reflection of your inherent character, and with time and effort, you can effectively address and rectify the issue. Ultimately, you will be able to interact with others in a cordial and constructive manner. Should the issue have a significant impact on your academic pursuits, professional endeavors, or personal life, it is advisable to seek the guidance of a qualified mental health professional. This could include a psychiatrist or psychologist, who can provide a comprehensive assessment and psychological counseling to assist you in overcoming your distress. Best wishes for your continued well-being.

Good morning. I am learning in silence. Thank you for asking your question. I can see your inner strength.

Firstly, it is important to recognise that jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone experiences to varying degrees. It is also important to acknowledge that everyone has a dark side. This is a normal situation. You are suffering because of your jealousy, which shows that you are a kind person because you don't want to be jealous either. However, you feel that you cannot control your jealousy and feel guilty and self-blame for it. At the same time, you feel that you do not deserve to have friends and your level of suffering is relatively high. This also affects your work, life, studies, and earning money. Your suffering has caused substantial damage to you. I hope that you can now feel better.

How should we address our feelings of jealousy?

First, let us identify our strengths.

Do you frequently compare your own shortcomings with your colleagues' strengths? This can lead to feelings of inferiority and despondency. Instead, consider your own strengths, such as kindness, attentiveness, reliability, and consideration for others. Write down your strengths and recognize the numerous ways you contribute to the team. Comparing our weaknesses with our colleagues' strengths can lead to frustration and inefficiency.

It is important to note that every individual has the need to form and maintain relationships with others.

Everyone deserves to be loved. You want to treat your colleagues well, but at the same time, you feel that you have let them down because you are jealous of them. You are caught in a conflict of emotions. Can we try to cheer for our colleagues' success? At the same time, we should quietly work hard on our own. Everyone's conditions and circumstances are different. Some people just do better than others. Maybe you do well in other areas. There is a song that says: Everyone has one or two talents. Find out what you are good at and gradually find your own pride and confidence.

Ultimately, it is important to acknowledge and accept your feelings of jealousy and acknowledge your darker side.

Everyone has a dark side. When I hear good news from my colleagues, I feel a little unhappy. If I restrain myself morally and force myself to be happy, I can do it, but it still goes against my nature a little. Therefore, morality is really not easy to achieve. If you are frustrated because you don't achieve it, then just relax and adjust little by little. Slowly learn to appreciate and praise others' achievements, and cheer for others' success. If you can't do it now, we have already noticed it, and this is a big improvement and the beginning of a turning point.

I hope that next time you experience feelings of jealousy towards a colleague, you will be able to manage them more effectively. I experience feelings of jealousy, so I am aware of the challenge this presents. It is possible that others may also experience feelings of jealousy towards me. If we are to enhance our moral character, it is essential to adopt a gradual approach and allow ourselves the time to develop. With dedication and commitment, you will undoubtedly become a more admirable individual. You possess the qualities that inspire love and the capacity to form meaningful relationships. I am here to support you with guidance and encouragement. The world and I admire you.

Dear Questioner, Thank you for your question. From your description, I can appreciate your distress and sense your emotions. I'd like to extend my support and understanding.

It is important to note that there is no shame in seeing others succeed. It is crucial not to deny yourself because of this and to avoid feeling that you are wrong.

This is the nature of many individuals, except that some choose to suppress it to the subconscious, constrained by traditional cultural education and social factors, and unable to demonstrate it externally. Frequently, only a portion of them is exhibited while a complex and indistinguishable internal landscape persists.

I must respectfully disagree with the assertion that it is a form of illness to dislike seeing others succeed.

Let us collaborate to clarify this line of thinking.

Why is it so difficult for us to accept that others may be more successful than we are?

⭐️ Jealousy is the emotion that arises when you perceive others to be doing well. It is often associated with feelings of insecurity and can be influenced by early experiences and the educational and personal environments in which we are raised. However, these factors are not necessarily a reflection of our current circumstances. It is essential to recognize the patterns of thinking that contribute to this emotion and to identify ways to address it effectively.

⭐️The root of jealousy is comparison, which typically occurs in peer relationships at the same level. For instance, among colleagues, classmates, and friends, comparisons are less likely to occur with celebrities or others on the internet who are out of your reach. Jealousy often arises when you perceive your peers as being in the same race and visible to others.

Comparing others' strengths or what they easily obtain can create an imbalance in your mindset.

The strengths of others may correspond to your perceived weaknesses, as well as to weaknesses you believe you possess.

Your attention is focused on a select few familiar faces in the arena, and you feel as though you lack support. Your self-esteem and false confidence are suddenly very frustrated.

At this juncture, it is imperative to utilize defense mechanisms to achieve equilibrium. However, if one lacks the fortitude and courage to confront the issue directly (due to practical constraints), they may resort to covert tactics, such as innuendo, or redirect the externalized attack to an internal one. This can lead to a prolonged and arduous internal process of attrition.

This is the most significant adverse effect of jealousy.

This will require a significant time investment.

How can we overcome this internal conflict when we are unable to accept the success of others?

We endeavor to maintain our original self-acceptance in all respects. The most expedient method for doing so is to engage in behaviors such as jealousy, anger, and depression, as well as the tendency to dwell on the perception that others are superior to us.

It is not uncommon to experience feelings of disappointment when others succeed. However, if this sentiment persists for an extended period, it can have adverse effects.

It is essential that we all learn to manage our natural feelings of jealousy.

It is important to learn to make comparisons in an accurate and constructive manner.

It is important to note that comparison and jealousy are not inherently negative emotions. However, transforming these feelings into a constructive force in one's life requires a conscious effort to exercise self-restraint and nurture positive habits.

First, it is important to understand the value that jealousy can bring to the table. Why are you jealous of TA? What did TA do and how did TA do it? What are TA's strengths that you can learn from?

Jealousy often arises from a desire for fame, wealth, and money. It is possible to use this emotion to reflect on one's own life goals and values, and to identify one's true aspirations. Furthermore, setting quantifiable goals and working towards their achievement can be an effective way to enhance one's personal development.

If there are no individuals in your immediate vicinity who outperform you or inspire a sense of envy, it's akin to a school of fish that has lost its catfish effect. Such a scenario can lead to a rapid decline. However, a healthy sense of competition, coupled with a constructive approach to comparison and jealousy, can be transformed into a driving force for personal and professional growth.

It is important to adopt a broad perspective and to alter your inherent logic for seeing things.

It is important to be aware that when you feel envious of others, there are also individuals who may be envious of you.

While you are competing intensely in the same field, there are numerous individuals who are more skilled and experienced than you, yet you are unaware of them.

It is important to recognize that numerous individuals are advancing and establishing themselves on different paths, whether or not you are aware of it.

If we can consider the future implications of our current actions and view the present from a broader perspective, we will realize that the colleagues and friends we envy are actually inconsequential.

This necessitates a departure from your preconceived notions and logical habits, a transcending of your own comfort zone, an acknowledgment of the immediate situation, and a subsequent expansion to encompass a broader perspective.

Do not be overly critical of yourself.

I assure you that you are more than adequate. Your discomfort with seeing others succeed likely stems from a deep-seated sense of inadequacy and inferiority. To address this, it's essential to cultivate genuine confidence.

As Adler advised, rather than self-criticism and harsh self-judgment, turn your sense of inadequacy into motivation.

When you are unable to accept the success of others, it creates internal conflict and negatively impacts your overall well-being.

However, by focusing on your own tasks, exercising more, studying more, and running at your own pace, you will eventually meet a better version of yourself.

I hope this information is useful to you. I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.

Hello, young friend. I hope you're well.

First, I'm going to give you a little praise, a hug, and a big hug!

You had the courage to write all of this down and let others see it, and they helped you find answers. I can feel your deep fear, anxiety, and longing to return to normal.

It's time to face the truth and criticize yourself. When you do, the darkness will dissipate. Look to the light!

Let's analyze why you're in this situation based on the ABC theory before we discuss how to solve the problem.

I'm unable to help because I compare myself with "her."

I am jealous, suspicious, and tired of my friends, and I am not ashamed of that.

You are unable to extricate yourself from anxiety, fear, low self-esteem, self-doubt, and emotional outbursts.

Let's start by understanding the ABC theory.

The ABC theory was created by American psychologist Ellis, who was convinced that

A (activating event): the event that triggers it.

B (belief): The belief that an individual forms about A as a result of their perception and evaluation of A.

C (consequence): the emotional and behavioral consequences

The above ABC relationship is as follows:

The activating event A is only indirectly responsible for the emotional and behavioral consequences C.

The belief that an individual forms in response to the perception and evaluation of A is the direct cause of the emotional and behavioral consequences that it produces.

An individual's mistaken or irrational beliefs about the triggering event (A) will inevitably lead to negative emotional and behavioral consequences (C).

This is why different people's attitudes can lead to very different results for the same thing. The same A, due to the adoption of different Bs, will ultimately produce very different Cs.

Your friend got a job and got good grades first.

Your friend got a job and got good grades before you.

B/Belief: We were the same, but now she is better than me, and I will surpass her.

C/Result: Negative emotions such as jealousy, suspicion that they are being looked down upon, fear, anxiety, inferiority complex, etc. They cannot bear to see others doing better than them, and they are convinced that there is something wrong with them. This affects their studies, work, and earning money.

The outcome C must be changed to target the wrong belief/irrational belief B.

The ABC theory, when applied to specific situations in daily life, reveals that people's unreasonable beliefs often have three defining characteristics.

Absolute demands refer to the idea that people often take their own wishes as the starting point and believe that something must or must not happen.

This kind of absolute demand is unreasonable because every objective thing has its own development law, which cannot be changed according to one's will.

Let me be clear: it is impossible to succeed in everything. The performance and development of people and things around us do not change according to our wishes.

Therefore, when the development of certain things goes against his absolute demands, he will find it difficult to accept and adapt, and will fall into emotional distress.

My friend has found a job and achieved good grades. I haven't, so she is better than me and I can't catch up!

However, just as flowers and trees in nature all have different growth cycles and periods of flowering and fruiting, oranges are not comparable to apples. We don't compare our father to Wang Sicong, but we do compare ourselves to those around us, thinking that we are similar and can be compared.

However, everyone is an individual with their own unique characteristics. Being behind now does not mean being behind forever, and being behind in this area does not mean being behind in everything. We should compare ourselves with our past selves, not with other people's present selves! Discover your strengths and advantages, explore your natural talents and potential, maximize your abilities by playing to your strengths and avoiding your weaknesses, find a suitable platform and field, and strive to find a good job and achieve good results as soon as possible, so that you can win what you want.

[

2. Overgeneralization: This is an irrational way of thinking that generalizes from a few examples to the whole. For example, some people will think that they are "useless and worthless" after suffering some failures.

This kind of self-denial inevitably leads to negative emotions such as low self-esteem and self-blame. When the evaluation is directed at others, it inevitably leads to blind accusations, generating negative emotions such as resentment and hostility.

It is important to understand that nobody is perfect and nobody is without fault. We all have the potential to make mistakes.

You say, "I don't believe everyone thinks this way about their friends. I'm not like that. I don't deserve friends who think this way."

It is indisputable that there are individuals who take pride in their academic achievements and look down on their former friends. There are also those who are envious and wish for others to suffer when they themselves are having a bad time. History is replete with examples of people who have displayed these traits. Even the most ordinary individuals possess a dark side at times. The key is to learn to forgive, not only others but also oneself. By doing so, you can improve and perfect yourself to become a better person and a better friend.

3. Extremely bad: This belief is wrong. If a bad thing happens, it will not be very terrible or bad. For example, "I didn't get into college, and everything is over, there will be no future."

This kind of thinking is irrational. For any event, there will always be a worse situation. Therefore, no event can be defined as extremely bad. However, if a person adheres to this view of "badness," then when he encounters what he calls a 100% bad event, he will be plunged into a negative emotional experience and unable to recover.

For example, "Am I not suitable to have friends? I really want to die, how can I get rid of this feeling..." You find it hard to accept that you are jealous, suspicious, and bored with your friends, and feel ashamed.

This is not the worst thing that can happen. Life is unpredictable, and natural and man-made disasters can suddenly bring unbearable hardship. These bad experiences make you grow, and when difficulties come again, they make you feel less bad. There are multiple dimensions to the value of life: children, friends, lovers, employees... No one can fulfill all roles at all times, expand their horizons and circles, take on as much responsibility as possible for themselves, society and the world, adhere to the truth, and repair shortcomings.

I will now provide a few suggestions on what to do and how to do it.

First, you must sow the seed of a correct belief.

Second, provide the seed with soil, sunlight, and care to grow it.

Third, devote time, persevere, and wait for the flowers to bloom.

You can't stand the pain of others because you don't think you're good enough.

If you can't stand the pain of others, it's because you think you're not good enough.

Problems exist and are maintained by our intention to solve them.

When you focus on self-development rather than the problem itself, you stop treating the problem as a problem. This causes the problem to wither and disappear due to a lack of attention, and it ceases to be a problem.

If you focus on the wrong things, you'll never get to the right things.

Every time you think something like "She is better than me, I can't surpass her," stop. Take your attention away from "her/the problem" and back to "me/growth" or anywhere else. Do something else. Read a book or read aloud, go for a run, call a loved one, go shopping with friends, have a meal... Anything that gets you moving and away from comparing yourself to her will boost your energy and help you resist the interference of negative emotions.

Read a book and recommend it for free on the WeChat Reading app.

Jordan Peterson, author of 12 Rules for Life

#1 A lobster that has overcome its fears never looks down. Stand up straight with your shoulders back.

Stand up straight with your shoulders back.

#2 Give up bad friends. Make friends with people who genuinely want the best for you.

Make friends with people who want the best for you.

#3 Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.

#4 Defeat the inner critic. Compare yourself to your past self, not to someone else's present self.

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

I am here to tell you that...

I am writing to confirm that...

I wish you the best!

Hello, dear.

You may feel that your best friend's smooth development has triggered a range of feelings and thoughts, including feelings of inferiority and fear, as well as a lack of confidence. When you are in this kind of mood, and your friend shares her life with you again, you may feel irritated and angry inside, and your mind may think that she is showing off and laughing at you.

At the same time, you also realized that these emotions and thoughts of your own were not necessarily the truth. Moreover, you felt that such psychological and emotional thoughts were not beneficial, and they also made you fall into a very unhappy state. You wanted to improve your situation and find a way out.

I believe it's important to recognize that when we experience feelings or thoughts that we'd rather not have, it often means that we've taken notice of them. This is a positive sign that we're attuned to our inner world. However, it's also common to then reject and judge these feelings or thoughts, perceiving them as problematic.

This rejection of your true inner state and thoughts may prevent you from seeing the truth within yourself and truly understanding the story behind your inner feelings. It seems that you are caught in a state of low self-esteem and anger, which means that you may need to be heard, understood, relieved, accompanied, and supported.

Perhaps you have given yourself the gift of rejection, self-blame, and the suppression of your feelings. This can further consume you and make it more difficult to move forward.

Perhaps the first step to getting out of this state is to allow and acknowledge, without judgment, that deep down inside you have strong feelings of inferiority. When you face your friend, these feelings are triggered, and you feel vulnerable and scared. You also feel a lot of anger. It may be helpful to remember that these emotions actually have nothing to do with your friend; she is just a trigger.

Her smooth development may have triggered some emotions you already had inside.

I would like to make a suggestion that I hope will help you to understand the feelings of inferiority and fear that arise when you are with your friends. I wonder if, when you were young, you were often compared to others by adults. Perhaps someone told you, "Look at so-and-so, how good they are, and look at you, you can't do anything right, you're the worst."

It seems that others are able to do it, but you are not. There are similar experiences that could be helpful to consider.

It's possible that your parents, teachers, or even society as a whole may have instilled these feelings in you. Or perhaps it was something else. It's also possible that you've always felt inferior.

It is possible that the child felt sadness, a sense of inadequacy, inferiority, fear of losing the approval of adults, and anger when being compared to others.

If, when you were young, no adult stood by your side and told you that you were unique, that you were just fine being yourself, and that you were wonderful just the way you were, and that you didn't have to compare yourself to others, then this inferiority complex may have taken root in your heart, remaining there and perhaps never dissipating or healing.

It's possible that the successful development of your friend may have triggered feelings of inferiority, sadness, and fear from your childhood, when you were compared to others by adults. It's also possible that you felt a lack of consolation during that time.

And perhaps some anger. It's possible that your irritation with your friends is your own anger at being outshone.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that there is no objective truth to the idea that the past is somehow better than the present. This notion may have been instilled in your mind during your childhood.

Now that you're grown up, how would you like to reflect on this past? What would you like to say to your younger self?

Perhaps you could consider what kind of voice you would like to use. Would you like to express your anger?

Perhaps you might consider expressing your sadness. I feel that in this part, you can do some healing work for yourself.

Consider healing the wounded part of yourself. Reflect on your younger self and express what you wish you had said to that younger version of yourself. Bring the support and love that you lacked as a child to yourself now that you have grown up.

If you allow yourself to feel these feelings when they arise, you will gain more understanding and acceptance for yourself. As you understand and accept these feelings, they will gradually loosen, dissolve, and leave you alone.

Additionally, as you may have experienced, these feelings of inferiority and fear can sometimes be very strong and pull you in at once. It is understandable that you may not want to enter this whirlpool again and again.

You might consider allowing these feelings to emerge fully the next time they arise. You could approach this in a way that is gentle and compassionate, as if you were a mother embracing her child.

You are aware that these feelings originate from your childhood and are simply aspects of yourself that require acknowledgment and healing. It is not a reflection of your inherent character. These are merely elements that need to be understood and seen by you.

When you can truly see this inside yourself, you may find that you have more love and compassion for yourself, and your heart may become softer and stronger. This soft and strong you may be the real you.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you well.

Hello!

You're anxious and worried about being better off than your friends. You feel guilty for feeling this way.

Our problems often come from not facing our emotions properly.

You feel inferior to your friend. You think she looks down on you and that you'll lose your friendship. This is normal.

If you accept these emotions and understand why they exist, you won't feel self-blame.

First, stop blaming yourself. It's normal to feel anxious, worried, and inferior. Accept these emotions and thoughts.

Why do we feel this way?

Adler says there are two ways to look at relationships. One is vertical, and the other is horizontal.

A vertical perspective divides people into upper and lower classes and hierarchies, considering some people to be superior to others. It makes relationships more competitive. If you view relationships this way, you may feel inferior.

If you look at it horizontally, everyone is equal. Everyone can become a partner with us.

We'll see everyone as equals.

Your friend is not one level above you just because she works better and earns more. She got these things because of her own hard work and opportunities.

You haven't got these things yet because you haven't reached her stage in life. It has nothing to do with whether you are a good person.

Once you understand this, you can let go of these feelings.

You may be thinking, "I understand, but my friend doesn't. Will she look down on me?"

She needs to face this. If she can view her relationship with you horizontally, you can still be friends. If she views it vertically, she needs to face it.

We can't control what others think or do. We can only accept ourselves and face life with peace.

I'm Haru Aoki. I love you.

Hello, dear question asker!

From what you've told me, I can tell that you're a very sentimental person. It's so lovely that you cherish your relationship and hope that you'll remain good friends for life!

It's totally normal to feel a bit jealous when you see others doing better than you. I'd feel the same way if a close friend suddenly wasn't on the same level as me.

If you're talking about anxiety/frequently-estranged-friends-due-to-jealousy-how-to-stop-being-jealous-14788.html" target="_blank">jealousy, you might want to try using a different word to describe it. It can be helpful to think about it as anxiety instead. It seems like you're eager to close the distance between you and your friend, and you're worried that she'll leave you.

It's totally normal to feel anxious about not knowing what to do. It can feel pretty defeating, but you've got this!

If you're struggling to find the right way to express your feelings, it's totally normal to feel a bit disgusted with him and even lose your temper with him sometimes. We've all been there!

I really hope you can find some helpful advice here that will help you feel better.

First, try not to blame yourself. It's totally normal to feel a little jealous when you see others doing well. We all want to be successful, and it's okay to want that for yourself.

I really believe that having this mentality and allowing yourself to surpass others through constant hard work is a positive concept.

Secondly, try to change your attitude towards your friends. It's important not to get annoyed with them and lose your temper.

You should believe that he, like you, has a deep affection for you and will not easily change because of this incident. Exchange experiences with your friend, encourage each other, and move forward together. Your friendship will become even stronger and deeper!

Third, you can do this! Strengthen your inner construction. From the current point of view, your friend may seem to have the upper hand, and you found a good job first. But with your own strength, you can find better development than him. Believe firmly that you can do it!

It's time to build more self-confidence and reduce self-blame and inferiority. You've got this!

I really hope you can get out of this bad mood soon and start feeling confident again.

I have carefully reviewed your message and believe it indicates that the poster is a young person with a strong sense of self-improvement.

The "jealousy" you describe is a positive and healthy emotion at this age. It is normal for people to experience it. Jealousy is a psychological state driven by the desire to constantly improve oneself, which is a natural aspect of human development. The deeper meaning of jealousy is the hope to be better.

It is my hope that I will be recognized. If the questioner is able to discern the positive motivation behind the jealousy and understands that the behavior and thoughts associated with jealousy have a detrimental effect on one's self-perception and motivation, then the questioner will realize that the outcomes of the jealous way of thinking and acting are starkly divergent.

The questioner is a kind individual. It is evident that your jealousy was born out of a good intention, but the method you employed to address it was inappropriate and ineffective. Your kindness prompted you to reflect on this. The questioner is perceptive and astute. They recognized the tug of different forces within themselves and the need to better understand why they had this uncomfortable feeling and inappropriate way of dealing with things.

The questioner is adept at identifying problems, thinking critically, and developing solutions. They are also highly effective at leveraging resources. The questioner is more proficient at personal growth than their peers and is often more capable than older individuals who may be stuck in ineffective ways of thinking and ineffective practices.

Additionally, the questioner must be able to identify their own strengths.

If we consider the metaphor of a flower, we can see that it has a fragrance, and grass has a green color. If we add the fragrant flowers of the questioner, the green grass of the friend, and the graceful movements of a few butterflies, we can also include the crystal clear drops of dew. This combination represents the picture of the questioner's life, which is wonderful and abundant.

A solitary, imposing figure with no one to engage with... Who will value her input, who will listen to her...

I have come to understand that I have played a role in fulfilling your life goals, and you have played a role in fulfilling mine.

I recognize your value, and when you receive my appreciation, I also recognize the value of my contributions. I am a valuable resource to you! It turns out that you have me in your network, and I have you in mine!

We have joined One Mind, and I am pleased to extend my personal greeting to all our colleagues around the globe.

Hello, questioner!

From your questions, it's clear you're a brave, sincere, and kind person who faces your feelings and expresses them honestly.

You know you're treating your best friend better than you deserve, and you have inner feelings of jealousy and annoyance that lead to a sense of inferiority and self-blame.

You know this isn't good and you want to change. Good for you for recognizing your potential!

Everyone who faces someone better than themselves will feel a little jealous. Some people use this emotion to become better and better. Others become outwardly seeking and overflow with negative energy. You are not like this. You will realize your emotions are not right and seek help to promptly clear your inner negative reactions.

Questioner, I want you to think about this: if you are doing better than your best friend, how would you treat your best friend?

You should find a counselor to discuss the root causes of the problem. This will be of great help to you.

I am confident that my reply will be of some help to you.

You've got this! The world and I love you!

Hello, question asker. It's a pleasure to answer your question.

From what you've told me, I can see how you're hurting, feeling like a failure, and feeling helpless. I can also see that you're determined to get out of this situation.

It's important to remember that there's no such thing as a good or bad emotion.

It's important to remember that emotions are neither good nor bad. They're simply a natural part of how our minds work. Emotions can be our weaknesses, but they can also be our strengths. They're our sensitive feedback to the environment. If we pay a little attention to our emotions, we'll be better able to live a more fulfilling life.

The jealousy mentioned by the questioner is a way of expressing our inner needs. The content of jealousy itself is part of what we cannot have, so we envy, feel jealous, and hate.

Moderate jealousy can be a great motivator, helping us to work hard and push ourselves towards our goals. However, excessive jealousy can hinder our growth and keep us trapped in a whirlpool of emotions.

☞ Inferiority complex

"Jealousy can turn into anger if you direct it outward. Or it can turn into inferiority complexes or even a sense of inferiority if you direct it inward."

An inferiority complex is when you feel inferior about yourself, but it sticks around for a longer time. For example, when the questioner has a bad experience at work or gets bad grades, they might think, "You can't do it," and then really start to believe it. This can make them feel worse about themselves.

In response to this part, we can:

1. Accept that everyone has insecurities. Don't hide or confront them, just face them head on. When you do, they can become a driving force for personal growth.

2. Find someone you trust the most and talk to them about your inferiority complex. This can really help to lift your mood because you won't have to keep it a secret anymore.

3. Reflect on your childhood experiences and think about how others saw you back then. Write it down and look for evidence that shows they were wrong.

4. Compare yourself with yourself, not with others. A healthy sense of inferiority doesn't come from comparing yourself with others, but with your ideal self. If you make progress a little bit every day, you'll slowly build up your self-confidence.

The above represents only my personal opinions, and I hope you find them helpful and inspiring.

Thanks so much! ?

Good day,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a coach at Xin Tan. I've taken the time to read your post carefully, and I believe I can sense some internal conflict and contradiction in you.

At the same time, I also noticed that the poster has courageously confronted their own emotions and sought assistance on the platform, which will undoubtedly assist them in gaining a deeper understanding of themselves, enabling them to make necessary adjustments and potentially experience a positive transformation.

I would like to share some observations and thoughts from the post that I hope will help the original poster to view themselves from a more diverse perspective.

1. Emotions are neither inherently good nor bad; they simply serve as a reminder.

In the post, I noticed that the poster mentioned feeling jealous. It was also mentioned that I am too dark to deserve friends, which is a natural thought to have.

After reading all this, I would like to suggest to the original poster that many people also have this "dark side," just like you. I remember a strange saying that one person specifically said this.

It might be helpful to remember that it's human nature to hope that friends are doing well, but not better than oneself.

Many people are like this, so let's take a look together and see if we can understand why we think this is bad.

It's possible that our education plays a role here. Many of us have been taught that jealousy is a negative emotion and that we should strive to be "good people."

From a psychological perspective, emotions are neither good nor bad; they are simply a reminder to look within ourselves and see what is going on. It is important to recognize that emotions are the bridge that connects us to our inner selves. By understanding our emotions, we can gain insight into our inner needs and work towards a deeper self-awareness.

2. Consider the underlying needs that may be influencing your emotions.

In the original post, the author mentioned that they were feeling jealous. Let's take a moment to explore this emotion and understand why it arises.

Perhaps we could define jealousy as a feeling of discontent when someone else gets what we want and we haven't got it yet.

And when we believe that we deserve it too, we may experience feelings of jealousy.

This may also indicate a certain level of dissatisfaction with one's true self, which could be a contributing factor to feelings of envy towards others. It would be interesting to explore further why we have some dissatisfaction with our true selves.

Perhaps it could be said that we are dissatisfied with our current selves because we do not fully accept our true selves or recognize our own value. This may also explain why we want to be the ideal selves.

And we believe that the ideal self is how one should be. Through this exploration, we have found the reason why we are jealous.

Perhaps we could consider making some adjustments.

3. I wonder if I might suggest that we consider the story of "jealousy."

After reading your post, I was reminded of an intriguing story about the emotion of jealousy. The renowned actor Chen Kun

He mentioned that for a period of time, he was not in the best of moods. When he saw others with good acting skills, he also had feelings of envy.

He became aware of his emotions and was able to accept them.

He made use of the emotion of jealousy. He focused on people whose acting skills were slightly better than his, and then used the emotion of jealousy to practice his acting skills obsessively.

His acting skills saw a notable improvement during that period. This serves as a compelling real-life illustration of how one can leverage emotions to enhance oneself and facilitate growth.

If it isn't too much trouble, host, could you possibly offer some new inspiration?

4. Accept yourself, warts and all.

We all aspire to become the best version of ourselves. How can we achieve this?

It could be said that acceptance is the first step towards becoming better. When we don't like our current selves and don't accept them, we may find ourselves blaming ourselves, not approving of ourselves, and denying ourselves.

However, it is worth noting that these can sometimes have a negative impact on our energy levels.

If we are to improve ourselves, it is important to ensure that we have sufficient energy to do so. Acceptance can be a helpful first step in this process.

I believe that accepting the good and the bad in ourselves, accepting what we cannot change for the time being, and focusing on what we can change will lead us to a better self. As for the original poster, you mentioned your own dark side.

It is important to remember that everyone has a dark side. It is up to us to learn how to manage it.

It may be helpful to focus your energy on your strengths and create value.

I hope these ideas will be of some help and inspiration to you.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan.

From the author's own description, it is clear that the author has become jealous of his friend because his friend has achieved better results and found a better job. This has led to the author doubting himself, feeling confused, distressed, and in pain. It is important to understand that everyone has different characteristics. What are the author's own characteristics?

We often feel lost, uncomfortable, and in pain, unable to recognize ourselves and feeling incompetent. But I strongly believe that it is also very important to know and accept ourselves.

Jealousy is a complex emotion. It is a combination of several simple emotions.

Let me give you an example. Everyone talks about anxiety, and it's a combination of fear, guilt, pain, and anger. Similarly, jealousy also includes anger, disgust, contempt (the three emotions that make up hostility), resentment, guilt, and self-blame.

Pat the questioner on the shoulder and give them a little strength. You must accept and explore yourself to minimize your jealousy in your interactions with friends.

Knowing yourself, recognizing yourself, and accepting yourself is a process of self-exploration. If you don't have a clear understanding of yourself, or if you are prone to comparing yourself with your friends, you will feel confused, helpless, and uncomfortable. You will also develop jealous feelings towards your friends.

You have to explore yourself. It's a long process. Once you know yourself, you'll be able to build confidence and get along with your friends.

Since the question was asked on a platform, we have discussed it at length. I can only offer the questioner a few suggestions on how to get to know themselves.

Accept your negative emotions.

It is important to understand that when our friends achieve better results than us, we will inevitably experience a range of emotions. This is a normal phenomenon. We must learn to accept the negative emotions that arise in ourselves. These negative emotions affect our normal thinking, prevent us from seeing the good in ourselves, and prevent us from knowing how to appreciate ourselves.

When we encounter something beautiful, we feel jealous. We must ask ourselves: are we also envious of the things that others have? If the questioner feels that there is nothing about themselves that others would envy, it shows that the questioner may be someone who lacks a sense of security and confidence.

Know yourself.

We must learn to recognize ourselves, and the questioner must also recognize their own strengths and characteristics. People with different personalities have different strengths and weaknesses. Understand your strengths and the qualities you value. Then, identify your shortcomings. If you can't clearly identify your strengths, write them down.

I love to think.

I consider my friends.

I explore myself.

I observe others and I see the good in them.

Keep discovering your strengths. You don't have to finish writing them all at once. If you can't think of something right away, just write it down as soon as you remember it. This is a way to get to know yourself.

List your achievements.

List your achievements from childhood to the present. These can be things you've done to help others, personal achievements, or difficulties you've overcome. You don't need public recognition or praise to have achievements.

If the questioner is a college student, they should know that Chinese college students still only account for 20% of the country's population. This means they are not worse than most people. The questioner should pay more attention to themselves and find these past achievements. This will help them recognize themselves and understand their strengths.

For example:

I learned to ride a bike by myself without any instruction when I was 10 years old.

I got into college, and only about 50% of the people in the whole high school got in.

I also refuse to damage our relationship when I see my friends doing better. I am in a very good state right now.

List these achievements that deserve recognition. This will help the questioner understand their strengths.

Know your own worth.

Recognize how you see yourself. We all have aspects of ourselves that we are not happy with. We may even develop destructive emotions to rebel against a stagnant life. The questioner is confused about his strengths and envies his friends who have found their path.

These thoughts may have developed from the original family, or they may be innate in your character. Don't demand too much of yourself to be better than others. It will lead to negative perceptions and even unwarranted harshness. It will also cause the questioner to fall into the negative emotions of self-doubt. It is not helpful in other ways.

For example, shame or disappointment are not conducive to self-acceptance. The questioner can list negative views of themselves, for example:

I don't know what I'm good at, but I know I'm good at other things.

My relationships are good enough.

I don't know what I want to do in the future, but I know I'll figure it out.

I refuse to accept reality.

Question the inner voice that criticizes you.

When you have negative thoughts, question them. Use positive words or thoughts to refute them, or use your previously identified strengths to resist negative thoughts.

If you catch yourself thinking, "I didn't exercise self-discipline yesterday," don't dwell on it. Instead, reframe it as, "I didn't exercise self-discipline, but I did a great job in other areas. I was just a little tired, so I didn't exercise self-discipline."

Remind yourself of your strengths at all times: "Everyone is good at different things, and I know that I have talent or expertise in another area, and I'm proud of it." Tell your inner "critic" that those negative thoughts are not true.

"Okay, inner critic, I know you always say I'm not good enough, I just haven't discovered my true potential. But I know I will find something I'm good at if I keep looking.

Treat your inner critic well. Remind yourself, teach yourself, and learn to correct your negative self-perception.

Accept yourself.

Do more of the things you like. Find the goals and meaning of your life's struggles in the things you like. Accept your current state, whether it is good or bad.

When you're feeling down, do something to please yourself. Make yourself happy and eat some sweets. Sweet things make the body happy, and they'll make you feel happy too.

It is crucial to prioritize your own happiness without causing harm to others. Self-acceptance is a process, so be patient. You are in the midst of transforming your perception of yourself.

Everyone has different characteristics. Sometimes we are used to walking the same path, but we can break free from the cycle of negative emotions and self-isolation. Find joy in life, embrace your true self, and be your best self.

If you're unable to get out of the mood of jealousy on your own, seek help from a mental health professional.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner.

Hello, I'm the smiling pumpkin from Mars.

The questioner said that a close friend got a job and got good grades, and she felt a little jealous and was afraid of being looked down upon by her friend.

In my opinion, this is a normal thing to experience.

It's normal to feel a bit uneasy when you see someone who was once less fortunate than you now doing better than you. You might even feel a bit lost.

When you see a friend who used to be at a disadvantage to you succeed, you often feel like they're showing off and laughing at you.

This kind of jealousy is totally normal.

The questioner said that they are starting to feel inferior and lack confidence. When others look down on you and make fun of you, give them a warm hug from the bottom of your heart. Don't compare yourself to others, because you don't know the hard work that goes into it.

The questioner offers some advice on adjusting your mindset.

☘️Don't compare yourself to others.

We all have different personalities, talents, opportunities, family situations, and social connections. Some people make big strides and move quickly, while others are slower and steadier.

So, don't compare yourself to others and find your own pace.

☘️ Be open to learning from others.

Learn from your friend's strengths and use them to improve yourself.

☘️ Don't get hung up on the idea of "living well."

When we talk about "living well," we often think in material terms.

It's important to remember that happiness and contentment are spiritual things. There's more to a good life than just living a good life.

How to make a change

Make your friend your goal.

Learn to improve yourself and catch up with or even surpass him.

Your friend is the one who gave you this motivation, so you need to use it.