Why can't parents say bad things about each other in front of their children?

Good morning. You are perceptive and considerate. This is a significant issue pertaining to parent-child relationships, intimacy, and personal growth.

The subject is somewhat expansive, so I will endeavor to present my thoughts and engage in a collaborative exploration of it with you.

Firstly, it is imperative that parents address their issues independently and refrain from disparaging each other in the presence of their children. This is because, as adults, their words and actions can exert a subtle influence on their children, who are minors. The adage "actions speak louder than words" is particularly pertinent in this context.

Secondly, children are the product of their parents' love and must have access to the family's intergenerational heritage. A child's life is constituted by genes from both parents, the father's and the mother's. To denigrate either parent is to deny a part of their child's life. In particular, some parents like to say, "You're just like your father (or mother) in that way," which implicitly labels their child with a family label.

If the objective is to raise a child with positive attributes, it is beneficial to provide positive reinforcement in the presence of the child. For instance, one might say, "You have inherited your mother's passion for learning, and you are just like your father, so kind." This approach highlights the positive influence of family education.

In conclusion, the relationship between a husband and a wife is a crucial aspect of familial dynamics. These two individuals share a common destiny, and thus, they will both prosper and suffer together. The notion that family secrets should not be disclosed to external parties is a fundamental principle that applies to this relationship as well.

The intimate bond between a husband and wife makes it inevitable that they will experience fluctuations in their relationship. When difficulties arise, effective communication and negotiation are essential for resolving them. However, discussing one's partner's shortcomings with a third party, even a family member, is unwise. Such intervention can lead to further complications and the need for external mediation. It is therefore advisable to avoid disclosing minor issues to outsiders, as this hinders problem-solving and can damage the intimacy of the relationship. The management of marriage and family relationships requires care and attention. These relationships are often a person's most significant and enduring bonds. The ability to navigate and thrive within the family unit is a crucial aspect of personal development.

The aforementioned principles are best exemplified by the following case study.

Happy New Year, question asker!

After carefully reading the question, you have discovered a fascinating characteristic or situation that exists in real life!

I'm excited to dive in and analyze it for you!

[Mutual respect is the foundation]

From the perspective of the average person's need for respect, people have self-esteem from an early age. And it's so important to feel respected! When we feel respected, we feel gratified and content.

Mutual respect and trust between husband and wife are the absolute key to deepening love and success in your career!

It's so important to remember that any reprimand or belittlement of a loved one will damage their self-esteem.

This is why the questioner said you can't say anything bad about each other in front of the kids and it seems like you can't say anything bad about each other in front of other people!

[The influence of the original family]

The host's speculation that "this seems to have a bad influence on the growth of children" is absolutely right!

Because in their original family, when they "were unhappy with each other and had unpleasant feelings," they also only saw each other's mistakes, shortcomings, and inadequacies, which formed the process of blame and bad feelings.

Guess what? Accusing others is a problem that is passed down from generation to generation. And when children grow up and like to accuse others, it must be because they were influenced by parents who like to accuse others!

Mutual recognition is a powerful force!

The reason why the questioner speculates that "it seems that you can't say anything bad about the other person in front of outsiders" is very simple: it's a great way to reduce mutual recognition of the other person and prevent conflicts from escalating!

The saying "family scandals should not be spread outside the family" is a great reminder that these things are best kept between two people. But if you don't recognize my contribution and I don't recognize your difficulties,

And just as if you told someone outside the family, those who hear it will react in different ways, but the conflict will be magnified!

Once a conflict escalates, it can be tricky to control and resolve. But don't worry! There are plenty of ways to get back on track. Many couples end up getting divorced, but there are ways to avoid that.

[Ways for couples to get along]

When a couple has grievances or unpleasant feelings towards each other, they have the exciting opportunity to learn to make a big deal out of a small one and make a small one out of a big one!

Absolutely! They should never compete in front of their children or outsiders. Both spouses should absolutely compromise, knowing that they are one and the same.

So when a conflict arises between a husband and wife, don't just go blabbing to outsiders. This is your chance to bring in the parents and children of both sides!

I really hope this helps a little!

Dear questioner, I'm Goodbye Crush. I'm glad you're asking for help. I can sense you're confused about your intimate relationship. Let's explore it together.

Parents who have grievances and unpleasant feelings towards each other should not talk about each other's faults in front of their children. This has a bad influence on the children's development. What exactly are the effects?

First and foremost, if parents have grievances and unhappy feelings towards each other, this is a matter between the parents and has nothing to do with the children. Children should not be involved in the disputes between their parents. For children, their parents are the people closest to them, and together they form a complete family.

Children need both parents. They see their parents as heroes.

If we express our dissatisfaction with the other parent in front of our children or express our sense of unhappiness in the relationship, we are implicitly asking our children to choose sides between you and your partner. Either they join you in attacking the other parent, or they join the other parent in fighting against you. This kind of choosing sides is particularly difficult for children, especially younger children, because they cannot choose to leave either side.

Parents are heroes in their children's eyes. If we tell our children about our dissatisfaction with the other parent, it will damage the other parent's image in the eyes of the child and affect the child's attitude towards the other parent.

Our dissatisfaction with our partner and unhappy relationship means there is a problem. Don't let the relationship affect the parent-child relationship.

It's clear that couples can't say anything bad about each other in front of outsiders either. Why is that? What kind of feelings and experiences will it bring to the people who hear it? It will affect the way you get along with your spouse.

You can talk about your partner's faults, but only if it serves a purpose. If your partner's faults have seriously affected the relationship and caused you a lot of emotional distress, you need to talk to someone to clear out the emotional rubbish.

You can say it, but you have to keep the confidentiality of the private information. The person listening has to be able to keep a secret. You're not saying these things to magnify your partner's faults and publicize them. You're releasing your own negative emotions, adjusting your emotions, and returning to your married life in a better state.

If the other person does not have a problem of principle, there is no need to make it into something it is not.

If you're trying to solve a problem or vent your anger, don't make a big deal out of it unless it's a matter of principle. If you have a grievance against the other party, communicate directly with the person in question. Speaking in front of children or outsiders about your grievances won't help solve the problem.

If you can't solve your own problems, you can't expect others to help you.

I am confident that the above will be helpful. Best wishes.

Greetings. I am Strawberry.

1. It is accurate to assert that parents should refrain from expressing their discontent with their partner in the presence of their children, as such actions entail a multitude of implications. To elucidate, we may examine the matter from a number of perspectives:

Personality: Parents who do not prioritize their children's physical and mental well-being and express their frustrations in front of them may inadvertently shape their children's personalities in ways that are detrimental to their development. Children who witness such behavior may internalize it, becoming introverted, timid, and indecisive. Alternatively, they may develop a short temper, a tendency to complain, and difficulty considering the feelings of others.

The quality of a couple's relationship is influenced by the relationship dynamics observed between their parents. A history of poor parental relationships and frequent arguments can shape a child's perception of relationships, leading to apprehension about the prospect of falling in love or getting married. This apprehension may extend to a fear of repeating the same marriage patterns observed in their parents, which often result in significant distress. Some children may even experience difficulties in forming positive relationships with their partners and learning to love others.

A lack of security is a significant factor in this context. Children who have been ignored by their parents are less likely to express their needs and may develop an insecure attachment style. This can lead to apprehension about all relationships, particularly in the context of a family atmosphere that is characterised by a lack of responsiveness.

2. Even in the absence of a harmonious relationship, couples should refrain from engaging in arguments in the presence of their children. When a couple experiences a disagreement, it is advisable for them to avoid arguing in front of their children. This approach may appear to maintain a false sense of intimacy, but it serves a protective function, ensuring the healthy growth and development of the children.

When a couple engages in repeated venting of anger to external parties, it can result in the interference of others in the couple's relationship. This can lead to the exacerbation of an issue that the couple could have potentially resolved independently. Additionally, it can foster a tendency for one partner to become "rebellious," exhibiting reluctance to engage in problem-solving.

It is not uncommon for couples to engage in arguments. They learn to coexist while addressing their differences. They identify issues in their arguments and resolve them. However, if a couple consistently vents to others in response to minor disagreements, the other person may eventually become weary of the behavior and resist it.

When confronted with genuine challenges, couples often demonstrate a reluctance to address them directly. Instead, they tend to engage in a pattern of random complaining, which can perpetuate a cycle of unresolved issues. This phenomenon can significantly impact the quality of a couple's relationship. When the individual with whom one is sharing one's concerns is not a suitable listener, the advice and support they offer can be detrimental. Individuals who frequently engage in random complaining often lack the confidence to express their opinions and the ability to effectively problem-solve. Consequently, they may seek solutions from external sources, which can lead to further difficulties in their relationships.

This kind of casual venting is precisely the biggest reason affecting the relationship between husband and wife. When the object of confiding is not the right listener, the methods and comfort they give are toxic. People who love to vent casually lack the ability to form their own opinions and to cope with problems, and therefore seek solutions from others.

The optimal method for a couple to coexist harmoniously is:

Communication: It is important to recognise that individuals possess different personalities and that circumstances will inevitably arise during the process of becoming accustomed to each other. It is crucial to acknowledge that it is you and your partner who will navigate these challenges together. Regular communication and exchanges facilitate the identification of each other's shortcomings, enabling you to engage in constructive dialogue, listen to each other, and provide mutual support, learning, and improvement.

Some couples maintain a sense of freshness in their relationship by continuing to express affection after marriage. This is because they understand the importance of maintaining a sense of novelty in their relationship. They ensure that they do not reveal their true selves after marriage. They maintain a sense of mystery and exclusivity in their relationship. They do not appear overly affectionate in front of their partners. They also do not reveal their innermost thoughts and feelings to their partners. This allows their partners to feel like they are discovering a treasure. This is how they maintain a sense of novelty and excitement in their relationship.

It is important to allow each other space and time after marriage. It is not advisable for partners to make frequent, urgent calls, as this can lead to feelings of being trapped or suffocated. Having one's own space and time is crucial for maintaining a sense of autonomy and freedom within the relationship.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the original poster. Wishing you the best.

Secondly, if parents engage in negative discourse about the other party, they will perceive their children as allies. Young children must align themselves with one parent or the other, which may result in feelings of betrayal towards the other parent. This can cause significant internal conflict, leading to feelings of self-blame and a sense of ingratitude towards the parent they have aligned with.

Such circumstances are undoubtedly distressing for the child.

Thirdly, children may attempt to gain the approval of one parent, particularly if the other parent has expressed negative sentiments about the former. Children are often fearful that if they do not comply with their parents' requests, the parents will disapprove of them and may even speak ill of them.

Consequently, children may endeavor to satisfy their parents' expectations in order to avoid becoming the subject of their criticism.

It is therefore incumbent upon parents to refrain from speaking ill of their partner in the presence of their children. In the event of marital discord, it is advisable to ensure that the children are not made aware of such difficulties.

Marital conflicts are a matter that should be addressed and resolved by the couple themselves. One may consider consulting the book "Nonviolent Communication" or seeking guidance from a counselor.

Let us consider the implications of discussing one's partner in a negative light in the presence of others. In the eyes of onlookers, the couple is perceived as a unified entity, with the partner representing the couple's collective preferences and perspectives.

If one speaks ill of one's partner, it will be perceived by others as a reflection of oneself.

If one treats one's partner well, others will treat one's partner well. If one values one's partner, one's friends will not look down on one's partner.

However, if one speaks ill of one's partner oneself and others are aware of it, even if they do not value the partner, they are unlikely to lose anything and will not feel threatened.

Similarly, in many families, if the husband does not defend his wife when she is subjected to criticism by his parents, the parents may perceive that their son does not love his wife sufficiently and may continue to harass her. Over time, this can have a detrimental impact on the couple's relationship.

In a marriage, the husband and wife are one and the same entity, and they are each other's representative. Therefore, if there is a conflict, it should be discussed privately, and if it cannot be resolved independently, professional counseling may be beneficial.

When a couple goes out together, they are a unified entity. When one experiences positive outcomes, the other does as well; when one encounters negative circumstances, the other does as well.

Intimate relationships are characterized by the presence of boundaries. Frequently, individuals perceive a husband and wife as a unified entity. Refraining from disparaging one's partner is indicative of refraining from disparaging oneself.

Providing support to one's partner is, in essence, an act of self-support.

It is also possible to seek the advice of a qualified counsellor.

As a counselor, I recognize that my outlook is often pessimistic, yet I do acknowledge the value in maintaining a positive outlook. I believe that the world and I have a mutual appreciation for one another.

The act of badmouthing is generally considered to be a negative practice. It can damage the reputation of the individual being discussed and may also reflect poorly on the character of the person doing the talking. Discussing the faults of others is often seen as a relatively unkind act, and it can be associated with negative traits. Nobody wants to be talked about negatively, which suggests that the person doing the talking may not possess admirable character traits themselves.

Therefore, if parents, as adults, engage in negative discourse about one another, neither is demonstrably superior. This is particularly evident when the father disparages the mother or the mother denounces the father in the presence of children, thereby instilling in them a perception that their parents are not exemplary figures.

Such behavior will result in the child developing a sense of disappointment with both the father and mother, leading to a loss of trust.

Given that parents typically possess a natural sense of trust in their children, it is challenging to comprehend and accept when both parents utter such statements. This can intensify the emotional distress experienced by individuals, leading them to question the reliability of both parties' statements. It can also prompt children to seek alternative forms of support outside the family unit. The perception of a lack of love and support within the family, coupled with the prevalence of backstabbing and sarcasm, can contribute to a sense of disillusionment and detachment from the family.

It is therefore imperative that parents refrain from disparaging their former partner in the presence of their children. Such behaviour will erode the children's trust in their parents and foster doubt about the existence of conflict within the family unit. It is thus impossible to raise children who enjoy a happy and positive upbringing and who display positive personal attributes. It is crucial that parents do not speak ill of their former partner in the presence of their children, and that they refrain from doing so in the presence of third parties and from damaging each other's reputations. This is the case because both parties remain married to each other.

It is pertinent to inquire as to why individuals feel compelled to utter disparaging remarks about their partner. In instances where a couple is contemplating or undergoing the process of divorce, it is understandable that they may express negative sentiments about their former partner. This can be viewed as a cathartic release of pent-up frustrations accumulated over the course of their relationship. Prior to marriage, regardless of the circumstances that led to the union, whether it was due to societal pressures or practical considerations such as the exchange of bride price, dowry, or other benefits, it is not uncommon for individuals to harbor negative feelings towards their partner.

In conclusion, it is unavoidable that trivial matters or situations that cause embarrassment will inevitably arise. It is not uncommon to observe individuals hastening to enter into matrimony or to procreate.

One might inquire whether the individuals in question are truly prepared to enter into the marital bond. If they are already married, why do they continue to engage in negative discourse about one another when they are together, even in the presence of their children? This phenomenon presents a significant challenge to comprehension.

It is possible that the relationship between the two spouses has been marred by numerous issues, which have not been adequately addressed. Instead, they have been expressed through forms of negative discourse. This approach is arguably the least effective method for resolving conflicts, as it tends to exacerbate the issue at hand. When navigating the complexities of life, it is not always feasible to adhere to insights derived from within.

In contrast, if one merely conforms to external opinions, it is an unproductive approach. If there are genuine issues between a couple, it is essential to address them through open communication, rather than through misunderstandings or repeated criticism, which can exacerbate the conflict.

In the event that reconciliation is not feasible and a divorce becomes inevitable, it would be beneficial to reflect on one's own experiences and those of others, including the types of conflicts that have been encountered and the potential for more constructive resolution strategies. Additionally, it is recommended to explore the literature on marriage and love, including "How to Argue Properly," "The Eight Dates of Love: Creating a Lifetime of Intimacy," and "Emotional Extortion," to gain insights into the complexities of these relationships.

Please clarify the question.

Greetings, inquirer. I am akin to an aged and diminutive donkey.

Parents serve as their children's initial educators and exert a considerable impact on their growth and development. Therefore, the manner in which parents convey information about another individual's inappropriate conduct to their children is of paramount importance.

The practice of emphasizing positive aspects and avoiding negative ones not only facilitates the growth and development of children but also contributes to the maturation of parents. It is essential to recognize that nobody is perfect, and the capacity to acknowledge and learn from one's mistakes is a highly valuable trait.

It is this author's recommendation that the following be considered:

1. It is imperative that parents refrain from fabricating information and expressing opinions based on emotion regarding their partner. Such actions may lead to feelings of inconsistency and disappointment in children.

2. It is inadvisable to disparage one's partner in the presence of one's children. Instead, it is preferable to communicate openly and constructively with both the children and the partner, using language that is clear and well-intentioned. For instance, one might explain to the children that smoking is a detrimental habit.

3. It is inadvisable to persistently dwell on the matter, as this may foster resentment in the child and in the other person.

This approach is more conducive to the growth of children.

With regard to couples discussing each other in a negative manner in public, it is my view that this is dependent on the context and the individual in question. All emotions require an outlet; otherwise, they may result in distress if they remain unexpressed for an extended period. My personal advice is as follows:

1. It is inadvisable to inform one's parents or relatives of such matters. Those who love you will become concerned, while those who do not love you will ridicule you. If the other person is made aware of it, it will exacerbate family conflicts.

2. For a meritorious purpose. For example, providing solace to a friend who is experiencing marital distress.

The appropriate revelation of marital misfortune can assist one's partner in achieving a greater sense of equilibrium, provided that the intention to do so has been discussed with the partner in question. Otherwise, it may also serve to exacerbate family conflicts.

3. Individuals can seek the counsel of strangers or counselors. Strangers can serve as listeners, providing a safe space for individuals to express their emotions without exacerbating the conflict. Counselors can assist in navigating family conflicts.

Ultimately, the decision-making process hinges on the intentions and motives of both parties involved. The aforementioned information is presented for your reference and consideration.

Hello, question asker! I'm excited to answer your question, though I won't be sharing any psychological expertise. Instead, I'll be sharing my personal opinion, which I hope you'll find helpful!

It's so important for couples to be united out of love, not to satisfy a specific need. That's why it's crucial that they don't speak ill of each other in front of their children, nor expose their conflicts to outsiders.

There are billions of people in the world, and there will always be people who want to choose marriage and raise children. In terms of individual life, people nowadays have the freedom to choose whether or not to get married and have children. The traditional responsibility of adult children to care for their elderly parents can now be shared by society, which is a wonderful thing!

That's why, in today's world, it's more important than ever to make the most of your marriage!

There's no such thing as a perfect person in the world, and that's a good thing! Human nature is rich and colorful, and a person's shortcomings in one area may be a shining point when viewed from a different perspective. So, you chose a certain person as a life partner and gave birth to children with that person. That means you should accept all aspects of that person—unless you encounter domestic violence, which must be tolerated zero. Whether that person is good or bad, and whether their true face is revealed after marriage, they are the person you chose in the first place. Since you chose them, you should be responsible for them to the end, rather than being picky and complaining.

If there's something the other person has done that you don't think is quite right, then as equal partners in a contractual relationship, you can have a private chat to see if you can make changes together.

Complaining in front of children or outsiders may seem like badmouthing the partner, but it's actually a sign that you rushed into marriage without thinking it through. It shows that you're not willing to accept your partner and that you're stuck in a marriage you don't love. Complaining is a way of shirking your responsibilities.

If the two have indeed divorced, then it is all the more important for the child to know that although their parents have parted ways for different reasons, they were still in love when they got married, and that the child came into the world because of their love. And for someone who has truly loved, no matter what, do not easily accuse or hate! That is just denying your own vision at the time and negating the feelings you have truly given.

Children who grow up in an environment with a sense of security and love are more likely to have a healthy self-confidence and a healthier intimate, romantic, and marital relationship as adults. Parents, you have the amazing opportunity to serve as a role model for your children!

Many people remain in painful relationships, full of criticism and complaints, and claim to be "for the good of the children." But there's a better way! In my opinion, only by first having a healthy and beautiful relationship with your partner and becoming a person who is more grateful and less complaining can you truly be said to be doing what is best for the children.

That's it!

For kids in divorced families, this is a common question.

Children think they are a mix of their parents. They are half from their father and half from their mother. But they are also like their father and mother. Children are equal to their father and mother.

My father speaks ill of my mother and hates her. He also hates me. My mother speaks ill of my father and hates him. She also hates me.

Let me give you an example from my life.

My parents said bad things about each other, and I hated them both. I also hated other people who cried at funerals. I didn't understand why until I grew up.

After studying biology, I started to think that my parents hated me. It felt like they blamed me for their problems.

If your parents don't like you, who will? There's a big gap between you and the outside world. All your friends are just superficial.

Third, I started to hate myself. I didn't want to change, and I felt like the worst person. At the same time, I felt like the most disgusting person. The thought of death never stopped. This is a negative influence, but it is realistic.

I was lucky to learn about psychology at ten. I'm not bad, and I have a lot of empathy for kids who don't get along with their parents. I understand that some kids act out because their parents don't understand them.

Fourth, my views on marriage, social interactions, and values were greatly affected. This impact is still significant, but it's hard to describe.

You don't trust others when it comes to emotions. You focus more on friendship.

I've learned to appreciate family and romantic love, but that doesn't mean I trust anyone.

2. What's said without malice can be heard with malice. Don't talk about things between husband and wife.

If you marry someone with this shortcoming, it means you are not a good person. Your friends will be like you. They will fight with you in public and gossip about you.

If they can say bad things about their partner, they'll probably say bad things about others too. How can you be close friends with them? Who knows what they'll say about you?

If you've always loved this person, why are you talking badly about them now? Would you ask them for help if you needed it? They won't remember your good deeds, but they'll remember if you don't help them.

Saying bad things about your partner doesn't make you magnanimous or able to bear humiliation. People who don't like your family will laugh at your jokes and tell them to others.

People who like you will hate your partner and tell you to separate.

It affects your personal and social life, and your marriage. The losses outweigh the gains.

Someone may have a crush on your partner or have ulterior motives. You may not have thought about it, but after hearing all the good things you've said, don't you want to give it a try? This is true not only in the physical sense, but also in terms of life.

A good wife and mother, a family man. Whoever hears this is jealous and thinks about their own family.

If nothing happens, it affects your marriage. If something happens, it affects your marriage too.

This is how comparison starts. So, the best way to get along is to talk about things outside the house.

Praise your partner's strengths and correct their weaknesses. Don't gossip or show off your family.

Moderation is best.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I try to be modest and self-effacing, and I do my best to be consistent.

It is worth noting that other people's opinions may potentially influence our initial perceptions.

In addition to our own feelings after contact, our understanding of a person may also be influenced by the comments and words of those around us, which could potentially lead to what is known as the primacy effect.

Our evaluation of a person is largely based on personal perception, which can be very subjective. This is especially true of bad words, which can have a strong personal connotation. When children hear them, they may imitate the way they view people and things.

It would be wise to remember that children imitate others' behavior and learn from the people around them. They do not have a strong sense of right and wrong, so it's important to guide them. It might be helpful to avoid speaking ill of others in front of your children.

It might be helpful to try to minimize complaining about your partner to people around you.

Marital life is relatively private, and we have the opportunity to get to know the other person better. This is a space and a fact that belongs to the two of us. It's often best to solve problems here, and it's usually preferable to involve outsiders as little as possible.

It's important to remember that we all have different perspectives and interact with others in different ways. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or perceptions that differ from our own. Having a strong sense of perception allows us to navigate these differences and communicate effectively.

It's possible that what the speaker is saying may not be what they intend. We all have different ways of interpreting things. Perhaps your original intention was straightforward, but someone else's interpretation is their own. For this reason, it might be helpful to consider limiting complaints about your loved ones in front of other people.

Hello, I'm Jialan.

Your questions are clear and specific. I believe you've already considered and answered them. Here's my opinion.

1. I have discovered a characteristic that has a negative impact on children when parents have dissatisfaction and unpleasant feelings towards each other: they cannot speak ill of each other in front of the children. What are the specific impacts?

It is not clear what the specific impact is, as it varies from person to person. What is clear is that children are an internally aggressive species, so when parents argue or blame each other in front of them, some children will self-regulate and ignore it, while others will think it is their own fault for not being good enough. This leads to different degrees of subtle influence.

I'll tell you a story about a friend of mine. She is the eldest child in her family, but she didn't become the typical eldest child who is hurt by the constant fighting between her parents and the difficulties of taking care of her younger siblings. She is cheerful and lively, and she has developed her career from the domestic to the international level with her personal abilities.

We were curious to ask her what she thought when her parents fought and scolded her. She confidently stated that when these unhappy things happened, she would mentally retreat to a place she liked, where she would "play" until the sound of her parents' quarrels and scoldings stopped, and then she would return to reality.

2. Couples cannot speak ill of each other in front of outsiders. Why is that? What kind of feelings and experiences will it bring to the person who hears it?

It will affect how the couple gets along.

I'll answer three questions.

Couples should not speak ill of each other in front of outsiders.

You know best whether your shoes fit and whether you are hurt or in pain. It's your own feeling, no matter what. Outsiders are just there to watch, except for those who genuinely care.

The listener will experience a range of feelings and have a variety of insights based on the situation.

If they are true friends, they will show understanding and empathy and be willing to offer advice from a positive perspective. Conversely, we have no idea what they are laughing at in their hearts.

It will affect the way the couple get along.

It is a must. Without the need to be in front of outsiders, just the two of them shutting the door and berating each other will also affect the way the couple get along. It can be minor bickering or major fighting.

I wish you a happy Chinese New Year and good health and happiness!

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who likes to use images to explain concepts.

After reading the two questions from the original poster, it seems like the main concern is that when a couple speaks ill of each other, it can affect others, the children, and the feelings and experiences of the listener.

Where did the questioner get this idea? From some popular science articles and books on parenting, or from observations in life?

From what I can tell, the questioner hasn't experienced this firsthand. That doesn't mean we can't try to see things from other people's perspectives.

Let's imagine a scenario:

If a child needs a relatively harmonious and stable family, and if one parent always takes the child aside to vent their grievances, or if they violently scold the other parent in front of the child, it will impact the child's psychological development. The child will feel conflicted inside. The parents they see and the parents they hear about are very different. The child will feel torn apart, and may slowly lose their trust in others. It will also affect the establishment of their self-identity: "Who should I believe?

"Why did I grow up as the child of such a person?" It's easy to protect yourself by withdrawing in interpersonal relationships when you're confused like that.

Given all these factors, it's clear that couples should be able to discuss their differences with their children openly.

If you have a family meeting, where everyone gets together and talks openly and without judgment, it will not only improve the relationship between husband and wife and parent and child, but it will also teach children how to handle conflicts and disharmonious relationships in the future. This includes expressing emotions honestly, talking about their needs, hearing the needs of others, and looking at the emotional impact of the same thing from more perspectives.

The family is the smallest unit of society, and parents are their children's first teachers. Parents have a responsibility to set an example for their children, but they don't have to be perfect. They can be honest about their own problems. This helps children see their parents as complete people, not perfect people. The process of de-idealization is more conducive to the healthy growth of children.

So whether or not the way a couple talks about each other affects their kids depends on how it's done. The way you express yourself is really important!

The second question is about how sharing the other person's shortcomings with outsiders will affect the other person and the couple.

It's really important to know who this person outside the situation is.

If you're working with a family therapist, it's important to let them know how the couple interacts with each other. This can help the therapist understand the couple's dynamic and provide targeted guidance. A skilled therapist will avoid causing conflict and will know when to take a step back to help the couple see each other's perspective.

If you're dealing with the parents of one of the spouses, the elderly people may be worried, they may take sides, or they may try to mediate. Either way, it will drain their energy, so it's best to keep your mouth shut.

If you're dealing with a friend of one of the spouses, you need to find out if this friend is trusted by both of them. You also need to know what the friend is there for: do you want to vent, do you want an opinion, do you want mediation, or what? Whatever the reason, it's not a good idea to speak ill of the other spouse in front of a friend. Apart from affecting how you're seen by the friend, it'll also make it difficult for the friend in the future.

As the saying goes, "Quarrels at the end of the bed are reconciled at the beginning of the bed." If a friend helps one of the spouses today, or helps make a decision (such as divorce, separation, etc.), and the couple appears happily together again some other day, it will be difficult for the friend to do anything. Therefore, problems between spouses should be resolved within the couple, and people outside the family unit should not be involved as much as possible. Of course, this doesn't include family therapists or the spouse's psychological counselor.

I hope this helps you think about the two questions you asked.

Best regards!