Why did her words cause such a ripple in my heart?

Good day, esteemed moderator. Your words evoke the feeling of meeting you in person.

Your description is concise, but it doesn't affect my understanding of you. It seems that you met a sister, and then you noticed that your emotions would rise and fall with hers. However, it seems that once the situation changes and she gives you a signal that she is uncomfortable, you're unsure of how to respond. It's understandable that you're curious about why you feel so aggrieved when the other person ignores you.

If I might respectfully propose, this involves two issues, let's look at them one by one.

First, you say she is like an unrelated sister to you, and then you are happy when she is happy, and you are sad when she is sad. Regarding this sentence, I would like to inquire further about the following:

1. Could you please tell me how long you two have known each other?

2. Could you please elaborate on why you two know each other?

3. Could you please elaborate on which qualities of hers you find attractive?

4. Could you please elaborate on what qualities of yours attracted her?

I hope I can help you understand that when two people (regardless of gender) establish and develop a relationship, they will generally go through some processes along the way. If both parties are committed, it is possible to become close and deepen the relationship. However, it is also important to consider the sense of boundaries.

It is often the case that among friends, regardless of the depth of the relationship, a sense of boundaries can serve as a helpful tool for protecting ourselves. With this in mind, let's consider the role of boundaries in the context of the sharing you described.

It might be helpful to consider that she shares her daily life with you, and you are so happy. This sense of happiness could potentially be transformed into the inner strength you need.

(You are happy for her happiness, and at the same time, you transform this happiness into the energy you need, which is called "resonance at the same frequency.")

However, some partners may find it easier to resonate with us on positive events, but not necessarily on negative emotions. For example, the point you mentioned, "She shared her sadness with you, and you didn't know how to respond," is part of her negative emotions, but it may be that your inner self has not yet built a container that understands and accepts the type of negative emotions she expressed.

It is understandable that it may be challenging to take in your partner's negative emotions all at once.

It is possible that you feel a sense of powerlessness when she is in a negative mood. You may wish to share some of the burden for her, but you don't understand. Similarly, the sense of grievance you feel inside when she ignores you shows that you value the relationship between you very much. When she ignores you, you may wonder if you have done something wrong to make her unhappy.

My dear, I believe you are coming from a good place, but if you ever feel that you cannot help your partner, you might consider letting go of that matter and letting your partner adjust it on their own. This may help to maintain a positive relationship between the two of you.

Everyone has their own issues in growing up, and not everyone can understand them. It may be helpful to face these issues alone. Perhaps after getting past this hurdle, you will each gain a brand new self and a brand new relationship with each other.

If I might offer one more suggestion, a good relationship can be strengthened by working on it both individually and together.

Due to time constraints, we will conclude our conversation for now. I hope that the above responses and sharing can provide you with some strength and confidence.

I would like to suggest that you take care of yourself.

Hello!

A pat on the shoulder: "Thank you so much for the invitation and the trust!"

"Why did her words cause such a ripple in my heart?"

A warm, gentle, and caring sister is always there for you, ready to give you the care and encouragement you need, as well as the support and companionship you require. This kind of support gives you a safe inner space, which in turn generates more emotional trust.

These types of relationships are often forged between people who have a strong connection and can meet each other's emotional needs. Think of the bond between a husband and wife, a parent and child, friends, or colleagues working together.

When our emotions are well taken care of and loved, it is a state of emotional dependence that arises spontaneously, and it is a wonderful thing!

Emotional dependence is not unhealthy! It allows our emotions to be taken care of better, and as a result, we can feel better about ourselves and feel loved and supported. (It is the satisfaction of emotions as well as the sense of satisfaction of the soul.)

And the questioner mentioned, "Why did one sentence from her cause a wave in my heart?" It's because of the deep emotional dependence on her sister, which makes it easier to touch emotions and experience those strong emotional fluctuations!

The source of these emotional fluctuations in our relationships is the alienation of intimacy and the satisfaction of needs – and it's a great opportunity for growth!

"If she's happy, I'll be happy too! If she's down, I'll be there for her and we'll get through it together."

Because there is a strong emotional connection between each other, it's more likely that you'll experience emotional resonance!

But I can't tell what my feelings for her are — and I can't wait to find out!

The original poster might be wondering what the boundaries of this emotion are. Is it just a normal friendship, or is love developing?

If you want to accurately distinguish between the feelings in this relationship, you need to have a clearer understanding of your own emotions. And the good news is that you can do this! All you need to do is understand the love triangle theory of Sternberg: whether the relationship is satisfying – passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Passion: This is where things get really exciting! Passion comes from the physical need, which produces a "sexual" desire. It's also part of possessiveness.

Intimacy is all about that amazing emotional connection between two people, with a deep sense of trust and love. The key to building intimacy is to maintain that deep inner connection, which provides incredible emotional support and strength.

Commitment is all about taking responsibility and obligation in order to maintain a relationship – and it's a wonderful thing!

On the other hand, ordinary emotional dependence is a totally different ballgame! While emotional dependence can also be generated with the same sex, the depth of emotion and needs are different. For example, the same desire to be paid attention to will not exceed a certain distance of intimacy. Perhaps there is a desire to be comforted, listened to and understood, but there will be no more intimate contact, such as the desire for sex and possessiveness. At the same time, the other party will not be required to make a commitment to the relationship, such as not allowing the other party to have other intimate relationships or plan for the future.

This is why it's so important to consider other factors that can influence our emotional state. Things like having a clear sense of boundaries in love and sexual attraction can play a big part in how we feel.

It's important to remember, though, that sometimes during periods of particular emotional deprivation, such as a lack of necessary emotional support from the original family, we are more likely to seek it from the outside world. This was the case during school years, when we were particularly dependent on same-sex relationships.

I am so affected by this relationship! What can I do to make it better?

This is all about learning how to set up healthy emotional boundaries. It's still about understanding your own needs and maintaining those boundaries in a way that's good for you. But it's also about respecting the other person's boundaries and wishes.

Even if emotional dependence exists, we are essentially independent individuals with our own independent emotional needs and values. This means we get to give each other independent living space, which is also a healthy way to maintain relationships!

Once I've got a better handle on my emotions and needs in relationships, I'll be able to express myself more effectively and maintain my own boundaries.

If you allow yourself to become emotionally unstable due to emotional dependence, you can also turn your attention to other aspects of your life! You can establish broader interpersonal relationships, break away from one-on-one emotional dependence, experience richer interpersonal relationships, allow your inner emotional needs to be supported and fulfilled more, and reduce anxiety. You can also turn inward and focus on actively engaging in hobbies, reading, and mindfulness meditation?‍♀️ to better understand yourself, have a better awareness of your emotions, and have a more rational and objective perception of relationships.

I really hope the above answers can help you!

Wishing you all the best!

Greetings, question asker. I am Jiang 61.

Firstly, I would like to express my gratitude for your trust in this platform and your recommendation of me as an answer provider. You have expressed confusion regarding the emotional impact of a single sentence from this individual.

"After reading your brief introduction, I am aware of the confusion you are experiencing. Let us discuss it together.

1. Introduction

1. Relationship

As stated, the subject indicated that she is a girl, and the other individual is also a girl. The subject further stated that the other individual is like an older sister to her, despite the lack of a familial relationship. When the other individual is happy, the subject is happy, and when the other individual is sad, the subject also becomes sad.

Given that you are both girls and that your relationship appears to be that of sisters, it seems reasonable to conclude that you care a great deal about her emotional state. When she is happy, you are happy, and when she is sad, your mood also drops.

It may be surmised that you are particularly attuned to her emotional state.

2. Exemplification

As an illustration, the subject shared her daily routine with the questioner, eliciting a positive emotional response. However, when the subject subsequently posted something that caused distress, the questioner was unsure how to respond.

The subject then proceeded to delineate the emotional feelings in question.

It is evident that you are able to discern her emotional states, both happy and unhappy. You have stated, "You're so happy when you share your daily life with me," and I have observed that you are similarly happy. However, I am uncertain as to whether I have correctly interpreted this. It would appear that your sense of happiness is contingent upon her willingness to share her life with you.

Inability to respond

Furthermore, when your sister discusses unhappy topics, it is likely that you do not share the same emotional responses, which consequently limits your ability to empathize with her psychological state and respond to her effectively.

Thirdly, the question is posed.

The subject states, "I am uncertain as to the nature of this emotion. Furthermore, when she ignores me, I experience a sense of injustice."

Furthermore, the subject expressed confusion regarding his current emotional state and the appropriate terminology to describe it. Additionally, he indicated that when she ignores him, he experiences feelings of resentment.

You have identified and verbalized your emotional state. However, you are uncertain about the nature of your three emotional states.

2. The Causal Factors Contributing to this State of Confusion

1. Emotional Transmission

The process of emotional transmission

Emotional communication is defined as the process by which an individual transmits their emotional state to others through a range of non-verbal means, including facial expressions, body language, and voice tone.

The impact of emotional communication on relationships is significant. A positive and happy emotional state enhances feelings of closeness and rapport, while negative or anxious emotions can cause stress and discomfort in others.

The aforementioned factors have exerted an influence on the situation.

It is evident that the relationship between the questioner and her friend has been influenced by the friend's emotional state. When the friend expresses positive emotions, the questioner experiences feelings of closeness and happiness. Conversely, when the friend ignores the questioner, the latter feels isolated and aggrieved.

This is the impact that emotional communication has on an individual.

Secondly, absolutist thinking

Absolute Thinking

Absolute thinking is a cognitive style that simplifies complex issues by dichotomizing them into two extremes, with minimal consideration of the nuances and diversity within the subject matter.

Absolute thinking is frequently predicated on personal preferences and subjective perspectives, eschewing objective facts and multiple considerations. This mode of thinking renders individuals susceptible to stereotypes and prejudices, which in turn influence their decision-making and judgment.

Manifestations

Those with absolutist thinking frequently experience the thought, "If only you..."

Consequently, when another individual experiences positive affect, one's own affect is also positive; when another individual experiences negative affect, one's own affect is also negative; and when another individual ignores one, one experiences feelings of loneliness and injustice. One does not consider the possibility that the other person may not have ignored one, but may have been too preoccupied with other matters to engage in the interaction.

Empathy is the capacity to experience the emotions and thoughts of others, to understand their position and feelings, and to think and deal with problems from their perspective. It is a social insight that understands other people's feelings and predicts their behavior.

The term "empathy" is used to describe the capacity to understand and share the emotional states of others.

Empathy can be defined as an individual's capacity to vicariously experience the emotions and thoughts of others, to comprehend their perspective, and to reason and respond to their actions from that perspective. It is a social insight that enables one to understand the feelings of others and to anticipate their behavior.

The capacity to empathize is a complex phenomenon that can be influenced by a number of factors.

Empathy is not a universal capacity. It is shaped by an individual's experiences, emotional awareness, and perception, and it can also be acquired through training.

It is an inherent limitation of the human condition that one cannot empathize with another's experience unless one has undergone a similar experience.

3. Recommendations for Action

1. Understand emotions.

The Emotion ABC Theory

The ABC theory was developed by American psychologist Ellis. He posits that the triggering event, designated as A, is an indirect cause that precipitates emotional and behavioral consequences, designated as C. In contrast, the direct cause of C is the formation of beliefs, designated as B, which are shaped by the individual's perception and evaluation of the triggering event, designated as A.

It is important to understand emotions.

The subject is capable of understanding the source of their emotions. To illustrate, feelings of aggrievement (C) are not a result of a friend's apparent disregard (A), but rather the result of an underlying belief that the friend's actions are motivated by hatred (B). When such an irrational belief is held, negative emotions, such as aggrievement, are experienced.

Conversely, when a friend shares one's joy (A) and demonstrates that they value one's company (B), one experiences a profound sense of happiness (B). It is therefore evident that the emotional experience is contingent upon one's own subjective interpretation, rather than on the objective circumstances of the friend's continued presence.

The ability to resolve emotional issues effectively hinges on an understanding of the underlying emotional triggers.

Secondly, the concept of topic separation is introduced.

The concept of task separation

The concept of task separation was proposed by psychologist Adler and refers to the clear distinction between one's own tasks and those of others.

In interpersonal relationships, each individual bears responsibility for their own tasks and issues, and must avoid confusing their own concerns with those of others.

It is essential to ascertain whose problem it is.

In the event of a friend's unhappiness, it is first necessary to determine whose problem it is. If it is our friend's problem, we must consider whether it is necessary to intervene. If our friend requests assistance and we are able to provide it, we may intervene; if we are unable to help, we should allow the other person to address the issue independently.

3. Emotion Management

The process of managing one's emotions.

The process of perceiving, understanding, coordinating, guiding, and controlling one's own emotions and those of others. This process aims to cultivate the ability of individuals or groups to manage their emotions, ensure that they remain in a positive emotional state, and thus produce positive interpersonal relationships and management results.

The following section will present the various methods of emotion management.

The ability to manage one's emotions is a crucial skill for navigating relationships, whether in the context of friendships, family dynamics, intimate partnerships, or interpersonal interactions. Effective emotional management entails a set of strategies and techniques that can be employed to regulate one's emotions and respond to the emotional needs of others in a constructive manner. The method of emotional management can be described as follows:

The initial step in emotional management is to recognize emotions.

This constitutes the initial stage of emotional management. Upon experiencing an emotion, it is essential to identify its specific nature, such as anxiety, anger, or sadness, and to distinguish it from other emotions.

It is important to accept one's emotions.

Healthy emotions are those that align with the circumstances at hand. When one's emotional state is in accordance with objective reality, the initial step is to acknowledge that these feelings are normal. This process is known as emotional acceptance.

This approach to emotional regulation has the potential to reduce emotional distress and facilitate the restoration of emotional equilibrium.

The act of expressing emotions

The expression of emotions entails the articulation of one's own emotional state. The subject is invariably "I," and the speaker often employs phrases such as "I...," "My feelings..."

The cultivation of emotions

Furthermore, the management of emotions necessitates cultivation and practice, which can be achieved through the following methods:

1) A regular lifestyle has also been shown to have a stabilising effect on emotional states.

2) It is recommended that one cultivate a hobby, embrace positive emotions, practice self-love, and appreciate the beauty of life.

3) It is important to care for and look after others, to allow love to dwell in your heart. There is great joy to be found in helping others, and in enabling them to help themselves.

4) Contact with the natural environment has been shown to broaden the mind and soothe and stabilize emotions.

(5) Forming connections with individuals who possess the capacity for emotional regulation and engaging in activities with them can help to mitigate the impact of emotional fluctuations.

If we are able to comprehend the nature of emotions, discern whose emotions they are, and cultivate the ability to regulate our own emotions, we will be better equipped to manage our emotions and those of others on a daily basis, and to avoid being unduly influenced by the words of others.

Ultimately, it is my sincere hope that the original poster will enjoy a long and fulfilling life.

Good day, Thank you for the invitation.

In all relationships, we categorize them according to our own criteria for selecting friends, and we experience different emotions when the relationships we value more change.

The questioner is experiencing confusion regarding the differences in the relationship.

The questioner has an unrelated sister. It is unclear when this began, but the questioner has noticed that their emotions fluctuate in tandem with their sister's. While they are two distinct individuals, their emotional states are closely linked.

When this sister is happy and shares her daily life with the questioner, the questioner experiences a corresponding increase in happiness. Conversely, when she is in a low mood, the questioner's mood will follow suit. When she ignores the questioner, the questioner will feel full of grievances.

The questioner is uncertain about the nature of the change she is experiencing. She is also unsure how to respond to the unexpected emotions that have arisen.

What is the nature of this emotion?

The majority of individuals possess the capacity to empathize, yet it is imperative to utilize this ability in an appropriate manner. Given that all circumstances possess both advantages and disadvantages, excessive empathizing may impede one's ability to assist others and potentially lead to becoming enmeshed in their emotions.

It is important to understand the nature of the relationship between the two parties. While they are not related by blood, the text suggests that they have a close and mutually beneficial relationship. It is possible that they perceive themselves as kindred spirits, which further strengthens the bond between them.

The mutual respect and care between you and your sister contribute to a strong and supportive relationship. When she is happy, you genuinely rejoice with her, and when she is sad or experiencing negative emotions, you empathize with her and offer your support.

When your emotions change due to the other person's emotions, it is precisely because the questioner cares about the other person and values the relationship with the other person. This is a normal phenomenon, and the questioner should not fall into a state of suspicion and worry due to their own different situations.

☀️Do what you can: When faced with a colleague confiding unhappy things to you, the questioner sometimes doesn't know how to respond. In the case of being unable to help the colleague, it will more or less make the questioner feel self-blame.

Everyone has specific abilities and areas of expertise. There is no need to force oneself to solve issues outside of one's comfort zone. Admitting limitations does not affect the relationship. Sometimes, expressing one's feelings to another person is simply a way to "vent" frustration. Knowing that the other person is willing to listen, even without feedback, can provide comfort.

It is therefore important to avoid self-blame for any inability to respond to one's sister's emotions and to maintain a positive sense of self-worth in this relationship. In a friendship, mutual understanding is the foundation for effective relationship management, rather than a reliance on emotional value as the primary determinant of the relationship's worth.

☀️Expand your social circle: When this sister ignores you, the questioner will feel aggrieved. When our social circle is small, we will focus more on the same person. In this relationship, we also hope that the other person will reciprocate our equal efforts. When the other person fails to do so, we will feel ignored and lose, aggrieved, etc.

It would be beneficial to expand your social circle and diversify your focus. You can maintain other relationships that are valuable to you, given your available resources. This approach will not negatively impact the original relationship. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, it is important to maintain a certain distance and allow for flexibility, so that you can dedicate time and attention to other relationships and arrangements.

I hope this response is helpful to the original poster. Best regards,

Hello!

A pat on the shoulder: "Thank you so much for the invitation and the trust!"

"Why did her words cause such a ripple in my heart?"

A warm, gentle, and caring sister is always there for you, ready to give you the care and encouragement you need, as well as the support and companionship you require. This kind of support gives you a safe inner space, which in turn generates more emotional trust.

These types of relationships are often forged between people who have a strong connection and can meet each other's emotional needs. Think of the bond between a husband and wife, a parent and child, friends, or colleagues working together.

When our emotions are well taken care of and loved, it is a state of emotional dependence that arises spontaneously, and it is a wonderful thing!

Emotional dependence is not unhealthy! It allows our emotions to be taken care of better, and as a result, we can feel better about ourselves and feel loved and supported. (It is the satisfaction of emotions as well as the sense of satisfaction of the soul.)

And the questioner mentioned, "Why did one sentence from her cause a wave in my heart?" It's because of the deep emotional dependence on her sister, which makes it easier to touch emotions and experience those strong emotional fluctuations!

The source of these emotional fluctuations in our relationships is the alienation of intimacy and the satisfaction of needs – and it's a great opportunity for growth!

"If she's happy, I'll be happy too! If she's down, I'll be there for her and we'll get through it together."

Because there is a strong emotional connection between each other, it's more likely that you'll experience emotional resonance!

But I can't tell what my feelings for her are — and I can't wait to find out!

The original poster might be wondering what the boundaries of this emotion are. Is it just a normal friendship, or is love developing?

If you want to accurately distinguish between the feelings in this relationship, you need to have a clearer understanding of your own emotions. And the good news is that you can do this! All you need to do is understand the love triangle theory of Sternberg: whether the relationship is satisfying – passion, intimacy, commitment.

Passion: This is where things get really exciting! Passion comes from the physical need, which produces a "sexual" desire. It's also part of possessiveness.

Intimacy is all about that deep emotional connection between two people, filled with trust and love. It's about having that inner bond that gives you emotional support and strength.

Commitment is all about taking responsibility and obligation in order to maintain a relationship – and it's a wonderful thing!

On the other hand, ordinary emotional dependence is a wonderful thing! It doesn't have so many emotional expectations, and it can be generated with the same sex. The depth of emotion and needs are different, but there's still so much to love! For example, the same desire to be paid attention to will not exceed a certain distance of intimacy. Perhaps there is a desire to be comforted, listened to, and understood, but there will be no more intimate contact. There is also a desire for sex and possessiveness, and at the same time, there is no requirement that the other party must make a commitment to the relationship. This means that you can have other intimate relationships or plan for the future!

This is why it's so important to look at more than just emotional fluctuations when determining the emotional state. Factors such as a sense of boundaries in love and sexual attraction play a big part too!

It's important to remember, though, that sometimes during periods of particular emotional deprivation, such as a lack of necessary emotional support from the original family, we are more likely to seek it from the outside world. This was definitely the case during school years, when we were particularly dependent on same-sex relationships.

I am so affected by this relationship! What can I do to make it better?

This is all about establishing healthy emotional boundaries! It's about understanding your own needs and maintaining emotional boundaries with your own needs clearly defined. And it's also about respecting the other person's boundaries and wishes.

Even if emotional dependence exists, we are essentially independent individuals with our own independent emotional needs and values. This is a great opportunity for us to give each other independent living space, which is also a healthy way to maintain relationships!

Once I've got a better handle on my emotions and needs in relationships, I'll be able to express myself more effectively and maintain my own boundaries.

If you allow yourself to become emotionally unstable due to emotional dependence, you can also turn your attention to other aspects of your life! You can build broader interpersonal relationships, break away from one-on-one emotional dependence, experience richer interpersonal relationships, allow your inner emotional needs to be supported and satisfied more, and reduce anxiety. You can also turn inward and focus on actively engaging in hobbies, reading, and mindfulness meditation?‍♀️ to better understand yourself, have a better awareness of your emotions, and have a more rational and objective perception of relationships.

I really hope the above answers can help you!

Wishing you the very best!