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Why do humans live, unable to confront their true feelings within?

elderly heart attack loss resilience health concerns
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Why do humans live, unable to confront their true feelings within? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

A close elder, tirelessly busy throughout their life, suddenly passed away from a heart attack at just over 60... Just a few days ago, I was still chatting, arguing, and reconciling with her. Even after the funeral, participating in the whole process, I still couldn't accept that she was gone (using this word to make it real, I feel uncomfortable and not willing to accept the reality), but just like before, we had little contact with each other, just busy with our own lives, not that she had gone...

My mind is still filled with her smile—I think she was very resilient, separated in her later years, her children couldn't give her much support, she was still busy earning a living for herself, several minor surgeries, back injuries, and she cared more about her own health (she just thought that health supplements could cure diseases).

Recently, something she caused herself, resulting in a loss of several thousand, she seemed to be deeply blaming herself, and at the same time, she had never confided in any family or relatives.

Ah... I'm not sure how I feel about this. I took a pair of her black sport pants, wore them, and left them behind. I miss her... I want to cry as I write this.

I thought I would dream about her, but clearly, there are still too many things blocking me, I dare not dream, dare not face my true feelings... Maybe.

What's wrong with me? What should I do?

Thank you.

Ilsa Ilsa A total of 8136 people have been helped

Hello, question asker!

Your words convey your pain and helplessness, and I empathize with you.

Life is unpredictable and impermanent. I can feel the closeness between you and this elderly person. Just a few days ago, you were still chatting with him, arguing and making up. I never thought that now you would be separated by life and death. This is the first feeling that anyone would have if this happened to them. It doesn't feel real. Just as you said, it seems that you and she are still busy with your own things. This is the first reaction of everyone when they encounter sudden problems. This is to protect yourself, so as not to let yourself slip into an even deeper abyss.

But despite this initial reaction, we are able to recognize the reality through our rationality. You say you feel uncomfortable, but you must accept this reality. This is the meaning of holding a funeral. During these confusing days of holding a funeral, we can allow our emotions to flow freely. With this ceremony, we can make a slight transition.

Although we are still processing the conversation and reconciliation with him from a few days ago, we have come to terms with the reality of the situation through the funeral. We have reflected on her past and are now ready to move forward.

For example, he was stubborn, she was in poor health, his children were in trouble, he struggled hard, and he took health supplements to treat his own health and was cheated out of thousands of dollars. All of this is our remembrance of our loved ones and our thoughts about them, and we find emotional support from them.

From your description and reflections, I can say with confidence that your relative was not as sad as you feel.

He was stubborn. Even in his later years, he still insisted on his own ideas and lived for himself. He got divorced and then supported himself. When I saw you say that you think of his smile, I knew your relative was an optimistic person. Sixty is not very old, but he also has various physical problems, which means he has been in poor health in recent years. Given his poor health and the situation with his children, I think he found a way to pass away that was not painful. It was just a short moment of pain. Despite her life being difficult, I think she found a kind of happiness and transcendence in leaving this way.

Let's think about this rationally. Take a deep breath and try to calm down. I understand why you took one of her black sweatpants to keep. She was your close relative, so it's natural to want to hold on to her things. If I were in your situation, I would do the same. But remember, it's important to let your emotions out. Holding it in is not healthy. It can even be detrimental to your health. When you're ready, you can cry as much as you need to.

You should let your tears flow freely in an unsupervised setting. In fact, you should hold this funeral ceremony. At the funeral, the families involved in the city can let out their grief. That would be a very good ceremony. Otherwise, the living ones will really go crazy.

Let it out. Release those emotions. Once you do, they'll be diluted. Then, you'll be able to move forward on the path of life, carrying the deep thoughts of your departed loved ones. This is what we want for those who have lost their loved ones!

Our loved ones have already left us, and we must carry their memory with us. There's also this saying: A person doesn't truly disappear when they die; it is only when the world has no more thoughts of them that they truly disappear from the world.

We will carry her memory with us and let our loved ones continue to exist in this world!

This is the best way we can honor our loved ones. I know you'll get through this and remember that the world and I love you!

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Ada Ada A total of 3864 people have been helped

Hello.

I'm sorry for your loss.

From a third-person perspective, you can feel that you have suddenly been thrown into an unexpected loss. You have come to a halt in the midst of all the things you were doing and working towards before the event. It happened so suddenly, and perhaps it has stirred up a lot of strong feelings within you.

You may feel a multitude of losses and changes, regret, guilt, and fear. You feel unable to adapt and look at your true feelings. You feel lost and life feels uncertain. This is natural.

You said you were still chatting, arguing, and reconciling before she passed away. I think you may have been trying to establish a closer relationship with her and let go of the past.

You may have had good wishes and expectations for your future relationship with her. These may have been important parts of your life.

Her sudden departure stopped everything. You lost part of your happy, fulfilling life.

I don't know how your relationship with this elderly person was like before. How many memories did you make together, and how many unspoken conflicts and regrets did you have? But I think her sudden departure has made you afraid to face a lot of inner feelings. There were probably also many feelings that you have not fully expressed during your time together.

But all this is unfinished and stops abruptly. You feel stuck in life with no direction.

You say you can't face your feelings. This is understandable. You need to take it slow and let things happen.

Like a child who has always lived in a safe environment and is full of hope for the future, this environment suddenly disappears.

This child is feeling lots of different emotions. The best support is companionship.

Support her, let her grieve, and help her rebuild her life.

You need companionship and permission. Allow yourself to express your feelings. It's okay to isolate yourself.

Don't rush to fix things. It's okay if you can't or don't know how to handle it. This is your situation.

Accept the situation and rest. New feelings and desires may arise. Respond to them honestly. You will experience a lot. You will also have the opportunity to sort out your relationship with this loved one, let go of more of the past, and have a heart that is both braver and softer.

I hope this helps. Best wishes.

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Christopher James Martin Christopher James Martin A total of 834 people have been helped

Good day, landlord.

A careful reading of the text evinces a warmth and kindness in the author's heart. The topic of the "meaning of life" has been subjected to a profound and multifaceted inner exploration.

The respondent's emotional response to the speaker's words evinces a sense of confusion, perplexity, and unease regarding the transience of life. This may be a universal experience, inherent to the human condition and a necessary aspect of the journey of life.

In the Buddhist tradition, the term "eight sufferings" is used to describe the state of life.

These include birth, aging, sickness, and death; the inability to obtain one's desired outcomes; separation from those with whom one is emotionally attached; encountering those with whom one has a negative emotional relationship; and the predominance of the five skandhas.

From the outset, the processes of birth, aging, sickness, and death are intrinsic to the human experience, and it is impossible to evade the dictates of nature. (It should be noted that this implies that each individual is but a part of nature, and thus, this is the optimal way to comprehend it.)

As creatures belonging to the universe and nature, how might we ascertain our place in the world from a humanistic and emotional perspective?

This topic has been a subject of enduring philosophical inquiry. Throughout history, thinkers have employed a range of approaches, including common sense, knowledge, life experience, and the insights gained from their studies, to contribute to the philosophical discourse.

First and foremost, the loss of life, particularly of loved ones, evokes a profound sense of sadness and reluctance.

The emotions of the past remain, yet they are suddenly separated by the reality of life and death. Perhaps part of the difficulty lies in the sense of powerlessness that many people feel about life. A lifetime can be likened to watching a movie, an experience that leaves one with a sense of powerlessness and no tangible result. The answerer can empathise with the emotional experience and sigh of the heart.

To perceive the transitory nature of life, it is essential to gain an understanding of its inherent limitations, thereby liberating the mind and fostering a sense of ease.

A sense of powerlessness can be attributed to an incomplete perception of one's own value and self-confidence. Conversely, an awareness of the significance of one's existence through the small things in life on a daily basis can facilitate a sense of authenticity and direction in one's daily life.

What is the significance of the unforeseen and transient occurrences in life?

The key objective is to value each moment.

For example, if one has never tasted an orange, it is impossible to describe its flavor. Consequently, if I were to inform you that oranges would cease to exist, you would not lament their absence if you had never tasted them.

Similarly, the absence of experience with the full spectrum of human emotion and experience precludes maturation.

The sudden death of family members serves as a stark reminder that love exists and will never disappear. Having experienced love firsthand, we are able to perceive it as an enduring phenomenon. In the wake of such a profound loss, it is natural to feel a sense of loss and longing for the love that has been taken from us.

The reason for this confusion is often that we ignore the possibility of opening up more and thereby limiting our hearts to a "seemingly" safe local area. We are reluctant to express or give love for fear of receiving nothing in return.

However, the notion of repayment is arguably limited to a mere calculation. This concept is distinct from the notion of love and is instead a product of the conceptualization of commercial civilization. It allows for a relative balance of benefits to be achieved through our activities. Nevertheless, it is important to note that this conceptualization does not condemn or criticize, but rather serves to distinguish this balance of benefits from the supreme nourishment of life, which is love.

The meaning of life is intrinsic to each individual.

The respondent considers this to be a philosophical topic. If we can access the depths of our hearts, the power of love for ourselves and for others, the meaning of this answer will become apparent.

It is possible that this elderly person who has passed away held her own set of philosophical understandings regarding her life's sacrifices and suffering. However, it is certain that her words and actions, as well as the example she set, have profoundly impacted the hearts of her descendants. She has become a shining exemplar of tenacity, autonomy, and independence. Is this not accurate?

However, it is precisely the difficulties and hardships that have made this journey of life so noble and virtuous. At this juncture, it seems appropriate to praise her life with a hymn.

The optimal method for individuals to honor their forebears is to perpetuate the traits they exemplified and to pursue a more fulfilling and contented existence.

It is a fallacy to assume that every life is a futile exercise in futility. Even in the face of adversity, it is possible to discern the rhythm and cadence of life's blossoming.

It is evident that despite the transient nature of their blooming period, which typically spans a mere few weeks, flowers continue to flourish and strive to enhance the beauty and fulfillment of their surrounding environment. In navigating the complexities of emotions, including reluctance, sadness, and grief, individuals endeavor to cultivate a sense of hope, which enables them to anticipate and progress through life's various phases.

It is my sincere hope that you will find peace and joy.

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Zephyr Martinez Zephyr Martinez A total of 7236 people have been helped

Hello! I'm smiling.

I understand your question better now, so I'll give you a hug.

You're reluctant to let go of this elderly person and feel attached to her. You think she worked hard but didn't enjoy her blessings. You feel her sudden passing is a waste. You're also thinking about what people live for.

The older generation lived through this period because of different circumstances. They worked hard and did not enjoy happiness in their later years. However, they were stubborn and continued to work hard. They did not want to spend money, but wanted to save it for their children. Therefore, elderly people love their children. They say they do not need their children to come back, but hope they can come home more often.

You feel guilty about the death of this elderly person because you didn't spend enough time with her. You regret not taking care of her more and giving her more attention when she was alive. Now that she has suddenly passed away, you can't accept it.

I have also summarized ways to help you cope, and I hope it helps.

Give yourself time to process the event.

(2) For you, living life to the fullest is the best way to wish the departed well.

(3) Face your feelings and express them.

(4) Relax and don't stress. Stress can affect your life.

Express your feelings and thoughts even if they make you feel uncomfortable.

(6) Accept your true self, or you'll be rejected by it.

The world and I love you!

Best wishes!

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Jayden Jayden A total of 284 people have been helped

Good day.

In response to your inquiry, I would like to extend my sympathies and offer my support.

I am unsure of your current emotional state. It is not typical for an individual to suddenly lose a close relative with whom they could discuss anything just a few days ago.

First, there is a significant emotional impact. It is evident that you were closely acquainted with the deceased and therefore emotionally invested.

Therefore, the unexpected passing of an elderly relative will be a significant shock, leading to disbelief and difficulty in accepting the situation. This will also result in a complex emotional response, including pain, admiration, pity, and regret. These emotions may be difficult to resolve on one's own.

Individuals who are confronted with unexpected challenges often exhibit atypical responses. This is attributed to the fact that the limbic system, also known as the emotional center, is situated at the core of the brain.

When we are strongly emotionally impacted by the outside world, it sends out an alarm signal to remind us to defend ourselves. In such instances, we may appear to be in a state of stupor, fleeing, or fighting, in order to protect ourselves from disintegration.

You indicated that you are reluctant to engage in fantasies or confront your authentic emotions because doing so would be too distressing. This is an effective coping mechanism for navigating challenging circumstances.

Secondly, in the event of loss, it is necessary to complete a mourning process. During this period, an individual may experience a decline in mood and motivation, which is commonly referred to as depression.

As you have described it, you took one of her black sweatpants, put them on, and left them there. You miss her, and as you write this, you feel the urge to cry.

This indicates that you have commenced the mourning process and require structured practices to express your grief for the loss of a loved one, articulate your emotions, and grieve the loss. This is a beneficial approach for you.

It is important to note that this process can be challenging and time-consuming. However, it is essential to allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions and to learn how to care for your emotional well-being.

It is important to note that painful emotions also have a positive aspect. Sadness, grief, fear, heartache, and longing, for example, can serve as valuable indicators of emotional distress.

All emotions serve as valuable reminders to focus on our emotional well-being, reflect on the purpose of our lives, and appreciate the beauty of the present moment.

Additionally, you may find it beneficial to engage in activities that promote relaxation and reflection, such as spending time in nature, journaling, discussing your feelings with a trusted individual, or seeking professional counseling.

Secondly, the mourning process can facilitate a shift in perspective, restoring vitality and reinvigoration.

My dear colleague, this is a process that we will all experience at some point in our lives. It offers valuable insights into the nature of death.

It teaches us to gain a deeper understanding of death and to continue living.

It also teaches us how to embrace life without fear of death.

Live your life to the fullest, embrace the present, and remember with gratitude.

This may be the greatest source of comfort for the deceased.

Please accept my best wishes.

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Drew Drew A total of 6673 people have been helped

Hello!

I'm Xiaobai. I hope I can help you.

I read your account and want to hug you!

I hope my views and suggestions help you.

Birth, aging, sickness, and death are natural.

I'm sorry for your loss. I've also lost an elderly relative.

Keep crying, but mom is sadder than I am. Mom's only younger brother, still young, has left us. Grandma couldn't get out of bed for several days, and mom's eyes were red and swollen. As I type these words, tears keep flowing down my face.

People can't be brought back to life after death. We must keep going.

They can see you, but you can't see them. They don't want you to have a hard time. Let them know you are strong and won't let them down.

When things can't be changed, we can learn to be strong. Everything in the world has a beginning and end, like flowers blooming and falling.

Don't be sad. Life goes on.

Not everyone can enjoy blessings in this world. For those who have passed away, it is a relief to escape the suffering of this world. They have gone to heaven and no longer have to live in exhaustion.

Embrace change and accept reality.

Grief is normal when a loved one dies. It's okay to feel sad.

Grief is also energy. If we don't let it out, it will get stronger and stronger. It will block our emotions and might even cause problems. We can let it out by expressing and releasing it. This helps us feel better and also changes the energy.

Grief can be replaced with positive emotions when it flows.

In the early stages of losing a loved one, it's okay to feel sad and cry. Don't be afraid to let yourself feel your emotions. Being strong is the next step, so take your time.

Love is transferred.

When we accept the death of a loved one, we feel a loss.

But love still exists, even if it's no longer given or received. It's just that the person you love has changed.

Transform your love for your loved ones into love for yourself or others.

You can support yourself.

These are my views and suggestions. I hope they help.

Best wishes!

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Alice Alice A total of 1696 people have been helped

Good day, my name is Huang Xiaolu.

The original poster has provided a clear description of the process of facing grief after the death of a close relative. Despite participating in the funeral and having memories afterwards, as well as keeping the relative's clothes, it still took time for the poster to emotionally accept this fact. This is known as the bereavement stage, which refers to the entire process from receiving the news of the death of a loved one until calmly accepting that they have left. This process may be long or quick, and everyone experiences and feels differently. The length of time also varies, with periods of one month, three months, six months, or even one year being typical. If you can still work and study normally, there is no cause for concern.

From the description of this close relative of the host, it is evident that she played an integral role in the host's life. Her resilience and determination in navigating life's challenges may have been a source of inspiration and strength for the host. They shared a close relationship, serving as mutual confidants and supporters.

Therefore, her death has instantly deprived your life of a valuable source of support. It is essential to identify a suitable replacement to ensure the continuity of your personal and professional life. The absence of a supportive and communicative individual in your routine has created a challenging situation.

Indeed, you have performed admirably.

1. Attending the funeral, you will accept the fact of her passing during the ceremonies and bid her farewell.

2. You have a significant number of memories with her, and these memories are vivid and meaningful to you. When you miss her, you will recall the numerous unforgettable moments you shared together.

3. You are willing to retain one of her belongings—a pair of black pants—without reservation, as a means of maintaining a tangible link with her.

4. While you may not be able to articulate your specific feelings, you are willing to acknowledge that you are currently experiencing a state of internal chaos, which indicates that you are gradually coming to terms with this pain.

You are experiencing a decline in motivation and organization, and you hope to recover quickly. However, it is evident that you have attempted to do so, yet the results have not met your internal expectations. Therefore, I suspect that your primary objective is to confront your inner fears and speak up about what you were about to say just now.

1. Allow yourself to grieve. Everyone has the right to grieve and express their grief. It is not acceptable to be unhappy and not express it. I am not asking those around me to sympathize with and understand me; I just need to express it.

2. Identify the root cause of your concern. Is the primary issue the potential loss of this individual, or is there a deeper concern that you and this person may face similar circumstances in the future?

We will not delve into the specifics of this matter here, but I believe you are quite similar. You consistently place yourself in her position. Should you wish to do so, I recommend seeking professional psychological counseling.

3. The meaning of life is a significant topic. I believe that everyone can have their own answer and live a unique life. What you care about, what you pursue, and what you have can all be considered forms of wealth.

It is analogous to a glass of water that is not full, yet contains water. What is your perception? Do you consider water to be significant? Do you prioritize what you have lost or what you currently possess?

While the truth may be simple, the automatic thoughts that arise in response to a given situation are often fleeting. To maintain composure, it is essential to practice techniques that help keep emotions in check.

As a final recommendation, you may find it helpful to write down your thoughts on paper, as though you were speaking with a departed loved one. You may also choose to confide in someone else or simply allow yourself to express your emotions through tears.

Thank you for reading. If you found this content useful, please click the "Useful" button.

We cordially invite you to follow the WeChat public account of Yi Psychology: Huang Xiaolu.

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Victor Hugo Young Victor Hugo Young A total of 7694 people have been helped

Greetings.

I am grateful for the opportunity to address this question. From the questioner's description, it is evident that they are experiencing a profound reluctance to let go. Despite the indisputable reality of this permanent separation, we persist in our refusal to acknowledge it, even when confronted with irrefutable evidence.

In response to the question of why people live,

It is unlikely that there is a single answer to this question that will satisfy all parties. Indeed, the original poster and numerous individuals throughout history have grappled with this question throughout their lives.

The most comprehensive response I have encountered is that we must first comprehend the essence of life. Regardless of our actions, identity, place of birth, or circumstances, all of these constitute a life experience.

It is evident that experiences can be classified as either positive or negative. However, it is important to recognise that these categorisations are not absolute, as there are instances where the experience itself is not a matter of personal choice.

It is analogous to being born into a wealthy family or a poor family. This is the choice that God has made for us. We are compelled to experience happiness and joy, as well as pain and suffering.

It can be reasonably assumed that the prerequisite for any experience, whether it is considered good or bad, is the state of being alive. This leads to the question of why people fear death. The answer lies in the fact that death marks the end of any given experience, regardless of whether it is perceived as positive or negative.

Thus, the decision to commit suicide may be driven by a desire to escape an unbearable experience. Conversely, the fear of death may stem from a longing to preserve a positive experience.

Once the nature of life has been elucidated, it is possible to turn one's attention to the question of the meaning of life, namely, why do people live?

The most profound aspect of life is the concept of meaning. In comparison to experiences that are beyond our control, the interpretation of meaning can vary significantly from one individual to another. Consequently, individuals may have diverse options when confronted with a similar experience.

Some individuals endure suffering for their own benefit, while others do so for the sake of their children or for the benefit of others. This illustrates the diverse ways in which individuals can imbue their lives with meaning.

The question of the point of life is one that is answered differently by different people. This is a personal interpretation, not a universal one. Each individual must define their own reason for living.

The questioner is currently uncertain of his purpose in life, which presents a valuable opportunity for growth and exploration. By dedicating oneself to the betterment of the country and its people, one might become a celebrated hero in the future. Similarly, by focusing on the well-being of one's children, one can become a model parent. Finally, by honoring one's parents, one can foster a strong sense of filial piety.

It is my sincere hope that my response will prove beneficial to the inquirer. I extend my gratitude to all for your attention. I am Jiusi, on Yixinli, and I extend my love to the world.

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Kai Knight Kai Knight A total of 7496 people have been helped

It's so sad. The close elderly relative you mentioned, the host, suddenly died of a heart attack at the age of 60+. Just a few days ago, I was still chatting, arguing, and reconciling with her. Even after participating in the entire process until the end of the funeral, I did not feel that she was dead.

It's totally normal to feel like you weren't prepared at all because the death was so sudden.

I know it can be really tough to accept when someone close to us passes away. It's totally normal to feel the way you do right now. Many people feel the same way at first, and it's okay to have those feelings. It's hard to believe that TA has passed away, but it's true.

It's totally normal to feel this way. We're still processing the news and it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. If you think that feeling this way means you're denying it, know that you're not. It's all part of the grieving process.

This is totally normal! It's just your mind and body processing the loss in a way that feels natural.

In psychology, there's a term called the grief process. It basically means that any loss will make us feel sad, and a huge loss will make us feel huge sadness. The good news is that we can come to terms with the loss by allowing this sadness to flow. When the sadness has run its course, we've completed the grief process. We can then move on from our grief.

It's totally normal to feel this way when we're suddenly faced with loss. We often start by denying it, but then we might also feel angry. It's okay to feel all these different emotions. They're all part of the grieving process.

So, at this stage, it's really important to give yourself permission to grieve and find a way to express your sadness that feels right for you.

This is why we have funerals. They're a way for relatives to express their emotions. But why do relatives cry at the funeral?

Have you ever wondered why we have funerals? It's actually to give relatives a chance to express their emotions in a healthy way and let those sad feelings flow.

So, the host might be willing to let you express your grief. You could try writing down your feelings and how you're feeling.

As we write, we often find ourselves listening to our emotions and expressing them. It's a beautiful thing to witness our emotions flowing.

I know you can get through this. You'll get through it, I promise.

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Declan Young Declan Young A total of 638 people have been helped

It is often the case that people live for the sake of living, or perhaps for the sake of their souls. In our hearts, we know better than anyone else. Frequently, the reason we are unsure of our purpose in life is that we are afraid to face the truth about ourselves. As a result, we remain indecisive in our hearts. From the moment we are born, each of us is destined to walk step by step towards death. On the way to death, there is an unknown all the way. We will never know what will happen in the future, let alone when our lives will come to an end. Everything in our lives has already been arranged in the unknown. Each of us is just a hurried traveler in this life.

We cannot control our destiny, nor the death that we have long known. This means that the question of why we are living will never be answered. Rather, it is a process of facing our own lives. We know that eating is for staying alive, but we are living for more than just eating. We have many dreams, and there are places we want to go and poems we want to write, as well as deep expectations for tomorrow. In fact, the answer to the question of why we are living is already in our hearts, even if we may not know it at that moment. But we have definitely told ourselves not to live a meaningless life, but to at least be a salted fish with dreams. These seemingly simple ideals are not the reason we are living!

It is often the case that we are not fully aware of the kind of life we want, but we are aware of the kind of life we don't want. Could this also be the driving force behind our lives? It seems that people are always looking for reasons to explain why they are living, and they must know exactly what they are living for, otherwise it is as if they have lost their motivation and become paralyzed, as if their lives have come to a standstill. We often perceive living as too complicated, but we perceive giving up as extremely simple. Sometimes it is even an absurd excuse, so that we can give up everything we have insisted on. However, every minute and every second we have lived is our life, our personal experience, and it is supposed to be the reason we are living.

The meaning of our lives may be found in the process of life itself. In this short journey, every person we meet, every experience we have, every smile we see, and every tear we shed can be the meaning of our lives. When our lives come, we have gained nothing; when they go, we can take nothing with us. What we can feel is the whole process of life. The reason we don't know our lives and why we are living may be that our current lives have not reached the way we imagined them to be. We may have not obtained the things we want, and the disrespectful life may have made us confused, unable to see the future and find a direction, so we don't know why we are living.

Everyone has a reason for living, regardless of who they are. Even when our lives are challenging, there is a fundamental quality within us that compels us to persevere.

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Henry Oliver Lancaster-Davis Henry Oliver Lancaster-Davis A total of 5735 people have been helped

I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

Your account evokes memories of the time when my grandfather passed away. Like you, I was not adequately prepared for his abrupt demise, and in the aftermath, I was uncertain how to process the situation. It felt as if I had not had the opportunity to bid him farewell, to engage in conversation with him, or to listen to his stories. I felt a sense of regret for him, particularly regarding some of the regrets he had in life.

When confronted with the imminent departure of a close family member, many individuals are ill-prepared to accept the reality of the situation. Despite the perception that there is still ample time to adjust, the inevitable ultimately prevails. This leads to a state of resistance, manifested as a hope that the reality of the situation will not materialize. Following the demise of my grandfather, I experienced a sense of longing for his presence when I was away from home. However, upon my actual return, I came to realize that he had, in fact, passed away.

I also find it peculiar that I feel so tangible, as though my grandfather is still here, still at home, still expecting something from me, and still caring about me.

I have discovered that despite the fact that my grandfather is no longer in this world, his love and support for me have always been present. They will not disappear, but can last forever, and there will always be a place for him in my heart.

I empathize with your situation. When confronted with the loss of a significant individual, our emotional responses can be complex and multifaceted. However, it is crucial to recognize that suppressing or avoiding these feelings is not a constructive approach.

Indeed, a common misconception is that grief is something to be avoided or suppressed. Many individuals may feel the need to present a facade of strength and positivity, believing that doing so will conceal their vulnerability. However, it is important to recognize that grief, when experienced in a healthy manner, can be a valuable and positive emotion.

Sadness is one of the seven basic emotions that humans are born with. It is an inherent and inescapable aspect of the human condition.

One might then inquire as to the reason behind this emotional state.

In essence, grief can be defined as a state of loss.

The demise of a cherished individual, the forfeiture of a cherished object, and the dissolution of a cherished relationship are all forms of loss.

Does this imply that sadness is exclusive to situations involving loss?

The issue is that avoidance of loss is not a viable strategy. As with birth, aging, illness, and death, loss is a normal aspect of life. The critical objective is not to evade loss but to identify effective methods for coping with grief following loss.

The question thus arises as to how this can be achieved.

Firstly, it is essential to acknowledge the emotional state of sadness.

Once grief is accepted, it becomes evident that it can confer numerous advantages.

Grief can be conceptualized as a cry for help. When individuals grieve, they may attract the attention and sympathy of others, who may perceive them as vulnerable and offer protection. Under the protection and care of others, individuals may gain temporary safety from others' attacks. The comfort and persuasion of others may also facilitate the acquisition of new knowledge and understanding.

Once an individual has experienced the pain of loss, they are better equipped to empathize with the suffering of others, fostering a deeper emotional connection.

Secondly, it is important to express grief in a moderate manner.

One may choose to compose a written missive to the elderly individual, wherein one may express one's feelings and thoughts in any manner one sees fit. There is no need to concern oneself with the neatness of the handwriting or the logical coherence of the content; one should simply express oneself as freely as one wishes.

However, it is essential to exercise moderation in all aspects of the grieving process.

Individuals experiencing profound grief tend to accentuate recollections of distress and diminish those of joy.

It is important to recognize that while sadness is a natural emotion, joy is also a part of life. When we grieve excessively, we may become overly focused on the negative aspects of our experiences, which can disrupt our ability to maintain a positive outlook. It is essential to prioritize our own well-being and health as a foundation for resilience and positive growth.

It is therefore essential to express grief in moderation, to prioritise physical and mental health, and to prioritise self-care in order to maintain the capacity and energy required to support others.

Thirdly, it is imperative to take action.

When grief is excessive, it can affect one's perception of success or failure. Those who are grieving tend to view themselves as responsible for failure. Once this mindset is established, it can impede one's ability to engage in positive actions, potentially leading to a prolonged state of grief.

Consequently, one of the reactions that may manifest during the grieving process is a lack of action. Prolonged grieving may result in the intensification and perpetuation of the grief response.

One must avoid excessive dwelling in grief; rather, one should promptly address the source of distress. To illustrate, in the case of the demise of an elderly individual, there are methods for maintaining a healthy and ongoing connection with the deceased.

The utilization of a constructive and salutary methodology to manage the enduring bond between the living and the departed, and to reposition the deceased individual within our hearts, constitutes a pivotal aspect of the grieving process.

1. There are positive lessons that can be learned from the deceased, such as the importance of loving, cherishing, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, as well as the value of helping others, kindness, and generosity.

2. In addition to sadness, feelings of warmth and joy may also be experienced when thinking of the deceased.

3. When confronted with challenges, individuals may draw upon the memory of the deceased to provide encouragement, rekindle their inner strength, and instill courage.

4. When contemplating the future, it is possible to accept the reality of the deceased's passing. With a sense of love for the deceased and an enduring sense of sorrow, it is possible to adapt to a new life without the deceased in a constructive and positive manner.

5. Perform the tasks that the deceased desired to complete but was unable to do so.

6. Utilize diverse rituals or methodologies that facilitate a sense of comfort during the process of mourning the deceased.

7. Engage in activities that would be regarded as praiseworthy by the deceased, such as undertaking charitable work in their name.

8. It is recommended that normal spiritual communication with the deceased be maintained. This may be achieved through conversation with others or with the deceased, or through the written recollection of memories of the deceased, which may provide warmth and encouragement.

9. Handle the deceased's belongings properly, such as making photo albums. It should be noted that an inner connection is more powerful than an external form or object, such as using the belongings to maintain a connection with the deceased.

Although death can take away life, it cannot take away our love for our most precious loved ones in life. It is therefore important to cherish this special love and to gain the strength to cope with suffering from this special love.

The awareness of death serves to highlight the value of life, prompting us to value the time we have while we are alive. In essence, the deceased has not departed; their love and support for the bereaved have remained constant. By drawing upon these strengths, individuals can live their lives to the fullest.

Fourthly, engage in activities that you find enjoyable.

In the context of grief, it is essential to recognize that grief is merely an emotional state. The question, therefore, becomes one of whether one allows one's emotions to exert control or whether one is the master of one's emotions.

The decision is at your discretion.

If sadness is a negative emotion, then the activities that one typically enjoys are positive. It is therefore possible to overcome sadness by engaging in positive activities.

The original state of the human heart is neither good nor evil, neither sad nor happy. When we experience good and evil, sadness, and happiness, it indicates that our heart has deviated from its original state. This can be conceptualized as a balance, where an imbalance occurs when one side tilts. In order to restore equilibrium, an opposing force is required.

Wang Yangming posited that humans possess seven fundamental emotional states. Excessive expression of these emotions is regarded as excessive, while insufficient expression is deemed insufficient. A state of emotional equilibrium, neither excessive nor insufficient, is considered optimal. Consequently, individuals are advised to regulate their emotional states in a manner that maintains a neutral and peaceful disposition.

Those who typically engage in reading may find it beneficial to do so at this time, as it can contribute to a more neutral and peaceful state of mind.

It is unavoidable that the tree will oscillate, but it is crucial to prevent it from being subjected to excessive forces that could potentially cause it to break and fall. This principle can be extended to human beings as well.

Accordingly, when experiencing sadness, it is recommended to follow the aforementioned four steps to effectively manage this emotional state and maintain inner peace.

Happiness has its benefits, and sadness has its power. It is therefore important to laugh and cry in moderation. By doing so, we can experience these emotions together, grow together, and embrace ourselves in all states.

I would like to express my sincerest regards to you.

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Declan Woods Declan Woods A total of 9085 people have been helped

Occasionally, separation is for the benefit of a more favorable encounter. There is a tradition among the Tujia people known as "Sa'erhō," which involves celebrating a joyful occasion while mourning a sorrowful one, accepting one's destiny, and daring to laugh at the duality of life and death.

When confronted with the abrupt demise of an elderly relative, those who remain may perceive it as sudden, given the inherent difficulty in accepting the loss of a loved one. However, such occurrences are often inevitable. I was six years old when my grandfather succumbed to illness, and shortly thereafter, my grandmother also passed away.

At that time, I was relatively young and lacked the experience to fully comprehend the situation. Consequently, I did not experience any significant emotional distress. However, as I matured, I found myself frequently reflecting on my grandparents and feeling a sense of remorse for my actions.

I was not present for my grandparents' final moments, nor do I possess any of their belongings. Even the mere recollection of these events evokes a profound sense of sadness. In my dreams, I frequently experience the sensation of their continued presence, as though we had always remained together.

However, upon waking the following day, one realizes that dreams are merely dreams and that the people in one's immediate vicinity are of greater consequence. Those who are close to us may also experience sadness when we allow ourselves to become overly consumed by grief. Similarly, we hope that they are thriving, and they, in turn, hope that we are well.

It is possible to miss them and remember them, but it is important not to indulge in this sadness too much. It is crucial to cherish the people who are alive and to avoid leaving behind even greater regrets later. It is understandable that when you saw what happened to her, you felt the same way and even brought it into yourself, feeling scared and fearful and regretting.

However, it is important to recognize that one is not identical to the deceased. It is possible to live one's own life and contribute to the well-being of one's family and oneself through one's own actions. There is no necessity to allow oneself to be distressed, saddened, and troubled by the experiences of others.

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Ava White Ava White A total of 4854 people have been helped

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I try to be modest and unassuming, and I do my best to remain true to myself.

It is not possible for water to return to its source.

1. Consider allowing yourself to release your emotions.

I can understand why you might not want to believe it's true, and I also understand that it's difficult to accept. The overwhelming sense of regret and loss you're experiencing is understandable. It's natural to feel heartbroken when you're in this situation. When you're ready, you may find it helpful to acknowledge your sadness and allow yourself to feel it fully.

If you feel sad, it may be helpful to allow yourself to cry and express your emotions. If you are sad, you might consider organizing the remaining objects. If you are sad, you may find it beneficial to write as much detail as possible about his life in your own words.

As his descendants, we have the privilege of writing about his life. It is a way to express our thoughts and a place where his spirit shines. For this reason, we can borrow my words to express our feelings and use words to record the facts.

Rivers flow east to the sea, when will they return west? To be born and to die is the law of life, which no one can defy. It is believed that there is a higher power that watches over us and works hard to ensure that we meet again in the next life.

Friends, if you feel sad or regretful, allow yourself to feel those emotions. It can take time to accept something, and perhaps that is what you are feeling right now. I believe that with time, you will become stronger. You can perceive a deeper meaning of life from the birth and death of people.

2. Could I respectfully propose that we consider the meaning of human existence?

I believe that one of the fundamental truths of our existence is that people live because they love. It is this love, whether it is love for another person or love for something greater than ourselves, that gives our lives meaning and purpose.

It could be said that love gives us a sense of purpose and connection with others. It is perhaps because of love that we experience emotions such as sadness and grief.

It might be helpful to consider that the painful emotions you're experiencing may be rooted in your love for your elderly relative. It's natural to find it difficult to accept that he has fallen asleep, to feel sad about no longer being able to chat together, and to feel a sense of loss at no longer being able to share your emotions with him. It's a challenging time, but it's also a time of deep love.

It may also be the case that you come to understand the meaning of love in life because your loved ones are asleep.

Secondly, it is important to recognize the value of life. Many people believe that every person you meet has something to teach you.

Take a moment to reflect: what have you learned from everyone you've encountered? As you delve deeper into the meaning of life, you may find that some people have a strengthening influence, some bring joy, some sadness, and some a combination of these. All of these experiences exist in a dynamic balance.

If I might humbly suggest, dear friends, the existence of every life has extraordinary significance.

In the end, time flows like water. What's past will never return, just like water droplets rushing into the sea. This is the law of life and nature. While you can exist in a different form, you can never be the same as you were before.

It is important to allow yourself to grieve. This process will inevitably lead to a change in your state of mind, enabling you to face life with a renewed sense of awe. To honour the memory of your loved ones who have departed, it is essential to live a life of purpose and gratitude. If there is a soul, it will be gratified to see you sad, and it also does not want the sadness to last too long.

It might be helpful to believe that there is always someone in the world who loves you in a way you don't know.

I wish you the best.

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Esme Young Esme Young A total of 4880 people have been helped

Hello!

Dear Owner, I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. Take care of yourself. Best, [Your Name]

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I totally get how you're feeling.

I also noticed that you've been really brave in expressing yourself and seeking help on the platform. I'm sure it'll help you understand death better and adjust to this new chapter in your life.

I'd also like to share some thoughts that might help you see things differently.

1. It's okay to accept your current state.

From your post, I can see that you're feeling a little afraid to look at your true inner feelings and have some thoughts about the meaning of life. I can totally understand those feelings and thoughts.

I can only imagine how I would have felt if I had gone through something similar. I think I would have had a lot of complex emotions just like you, the original poster.

In the post, the poster mentioned that the close elder died suddenly of a heart attack at just 60. A few days ago, I was chatting, arguing, and reconciling with her. Even after participating in the entire process until the end of the funeral, I still didn't feel that she was gone.

It was so sudden! I don't think we could have been psychologically prepared for something like that.

I know it can be really tough when you're going through this. It's totally normal to feel like you're the only one who's having a hard time accepting that TA has passed away.

It's totally normal to still be struggling to accept this. We might even think that if we try to deny it, it'll make it not true.

This is totally normal! It's a natural psychological reaction to loss.

Do you remember the actress Zhou X? When she mentioned her mother's passing, she didn't shed a tear, and everyone seemed to be doing just fine. But a year later, when she was acting in a TV series, her mother died by hanging.

She was so overwhelmed with emotion that she just burst into tears when she saw that picture. She said it was because she thought of her own mother.

2. Give yourself the space to express your grief.

In psychology, there's a term called the grief process. It basically means that any loss will make us feel sad, and a great loss will make us feel really sad. The good news is that we can work through this sadness by allowing it to flow. When we've had time to feel this way, we'll have completed the grief process. This is when we can start to move on from our sadness.

When we're suddenly faced with loss, it's totally normal to feel a bit in denial at first. But as time goes on, we might also start to feel a little angry. It's okay to feel all these different things. We're all doing our best to cope with the situation.

So, at this stage, it's really important to allow yourself to grieve and try to express your grief in a way that feels right for you.

A funeral is a beautiful way to express our emotions. Have you ever wondered why relatives cry at a funeral?

Have you ever thought about holding a funeral? It's actually about allowing loved ones to express their emotions in a reasonable way, and letting those sad emotions flow.

So, the host might want to let himself feel sad if he needs to. You could try writing down your sad emotions and feelings if you feel like it.

And as we write, we often find that we can listen to our emotions and express them. This can help our emotions to flow.

I know it's tough right now, but I promise you'll get through this. You'll gradually start to feel better.

3. Life may seem finite, but it can also be infinite.

It's only natural to think about the meaning of life after seeing death in the world. So, what is the meaning of life?

From a philosophical perspective, life may not have meaning, but we can give it meaning. So, how do we do that?

I also said that life may seem finite, but it can also be infinite. How can we make sense of this?

It's just a fact of life that we all have to face death. It's only natural to feel grief and pain when we do.

But there are actually so many different ways of thinking about death. There's the biological death, but what about all the other meanings?

Some folks believe that when someone dies, it's not really the end. They think that person's spirit lives on in the hearts and minds of those who loved them.

Some folks believe that even though a person dies, their genes might live on in others. It's like their qualities can continue to grow and thrive in the people they've touched.

TA can't see the world beyond, but the people he has influenced can still see it. So, for life, each of us will die, which is finite.

But from another perspective, people will influence those around them, and the wonderful qualities they possess will continue to be reflected in others.

Then, as I see it, the human being is infinite. So, different interpretations of death will also have different mental states.

When we look at it this way, life can be pretty amazing! Sure, there are challenges, but there are also so many wonderful things in life to enjoy.

I really hope this has been helpful and inspiring for you! If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication and exchange. Together, we can face the truth about death.

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David Woods David Woods A total of 2294 people have been helped

Greetings. As a heart exploration coach, I am prepared to engage in discourse regarding the pivotal subject of separation.

I can comprehend the emotional state you are currently experiencing. When an individual with whom one has formed a close bond departs this life, a multitude of intricate emotions arise:

The pain, sadness, nostalgia, reluctance, and self-blame experienced by the bereaved for not being able to spend more time with the deceased and show her more love while she was still alive only serve to exacerbate the grief.

In the absence of the deceased, the living are left to endure a sense of solitude and isolation. I empathize with this sentiment.

The relationship with the deceased is one that is difficult to accept as a loss.

The process of learning to separate oneself from others is an ongoing one, beginning at birth and continuing throughout one's lifetime. The initial separation occurs at birth, when the infant is physically separated from its mother.

The process of learning to walk, starting nursery school, starting a family, and finally saying goodbye in life can be conceptualized as a series of separations.

The experience of separation from a loved one is accompanied by a range of emotional responses, including anxiety, panic, worry, and fear.

The underlying needs that drive these emotions are a sense of security, the desire to remain connected to the deceased, the avoidance of loneliness, and the need for love and affection.

It is important to note that even after a loved one has passed away, the relationship between the living and the deceased remains intact. While the physical body of the deceased may have departed, the emotional bond between the two remains unbroken.

The relationship and the connection will persist regardless of whether the individuals are together or apart, and regardless of whether they see each other or not.

During the holiday season and other commemorative occasions, we employ distinctive methods to convey our sorrow, and these represent the connections we have with her. They have never diminished.

It is only when there are feelings of regret associated with one's time spent together that one feels reluctant to let go.

One must live in the present, as the future is constituted by each moment. When one is unhappy in the present and has regrets, it is unclear how one can be happy and blessed in the future.

As previously stated, just a few days ago you were still engaged in communication, debate, and reconciliation with her, but now you are separated by life and death. That familiarity and intimacy make you reluctant to admit that her departure is due to your missing her.

The underlying cause of this regret is the absence of an opportunity to bid farewell. The unexpected departure of the individual in question deprived you of the chance to express your emotions and release your feelings.

This regret intensifies feelings of reluctance and self-blame, prompting the question of whether sufficient appreciation was shown for the relationship.

Each individual's life is a learning experience, and each person plays a role in helping us to learn important lessons.

One might inquire whether there is a way to identify a gift in the relationship with the deceased. Furthermore, one might ask whether completing the relationship in a serious manner constitutes a form of respect and a way of treasuring and remembering the relationship.

It is imperative to confront one's deepest fears and strive for breakthroughs.

The subconscious mind serves to conceal emotions, which may then be reactivated when a similar situation presents itself.

It is imperative to acknowledge and engage with one's fears. This requires a dedicated and sustained effort, during which one must actively listen to the crucial insights these emotions are attempting to convey.

One may posit that behind every wound lies a treasure. To uncover this treasure, one must tear down the wall of fear that stands between oneself and the truth.

Viewing an object that evokes memories of a lost loved one can facilitate a reconnection with that person. This practice can also serve as a form of emotional expression and catharsis.

Similarly, Jia Baoyu composed an elegy upon the demise of Qingwen, utilizing a borrowed object as a conduit for his anguish at the potential loss of Daiyu.

The book In the Eye of the Sun elucidates the means by which we may cultivate greater openness in the face of ultimate separation. It is a text that I would recommend to you.

It is important to allow oneself the time to grieve, and there is no need to suppress one's emotions. These processes are an essential part of the journey through life.

It is my hope that this information is of some assistance.

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Raylan Raylan A total of 3924 people have been helped

I acknowledge your grief at the loss of a loved one.

In the initial stages of grief, individuals often exhibit a tendency to deny the reality of the situation. This is a natural response that allows them to cope with the overwhelming emotions they are experiencing.

At this juncture, the individual may experience a sense of anger, questioning the fairness of the situation and questioning why a person of such strength and fortitude has been taken from them.

Subsequently, a protracted period of grief ensues. In some cases, this may persist for years.

Secondly, it is crucial to expeditiously transition from the grieving stage to a more productive phase. It is natural to experience sadness upon the loss of a loved one.

One might also consider the possibility that, if there is indeed an afterlife, and if communication with the deceased is possible, what would they say to us? Would they desire that we continue to grieve in this manner?

It is, however, unlikely that this will be the case. The most appropriate course of action would be to proceed with the funeral and conclude the matter.

However, it is imperative that the living continue to live with the memories of their lost loved ones.

Ultimately, it is crucial to reflect on the joyful experiences shared with the departed. This reflection can be conducted in a formal setting, such as a ceremony, or in a more personal manner, through written communication. Regardless of the chosen method, it is essential to express one's thoughts and emotions without reservation.

It is beneficial to consider the positive aspects of a situation. For instance, when an individual passes away, their family and friends may perceive it as a positive outcome, believing that they are no longer experiencing suffering. If one is still struggling to cope, it is advisable to seek the guidance of a professional counselor.

It is my sincere hope that this will be of assistance to you. Furthermore, it is my fervent hope that you will be able to achieve success without external assistance.

I encourage you to persevere.

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Comments

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Zechariah Thomas Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

I can't believe she's gone; it feels like just yesterday we were having those lively discussions, even arguments, and then making up. She was always so strong, handling everything on her own despite the hardships. I miss her so much, and wearing her black sports pants made me feel closer to her. It's hard to accept that she's no longer here, and I find myself holding back from confronting these feelings, unsure of how to move forward.

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Pablo Jackson Honesty is the armor that protects your reputation.

Her passing came as such a shock, especially knowing how active she was until the end. Reflecting on our last interactions, the chats, the disagreements, and reconciliations, it's bittersweet. I took her black sport pants as a keepsake, hoping they'd bring some comfort. But now, all I can think about is her smile and how much I wish I could have done more for her while she was still with us.

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Ernie Miller A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.

It's strange, I thought I would dream of her, but instead, there's this fear of dreaming, of facing what's really inside me. Losing her has left such a void, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to fully process this loss. Her resilience, even through surgeries and injuries, inspires me, yet her passing leaves me questioning my own actions and wondering what I should do next.

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