I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.
Your account evokes memories of the time when my grandfather passed away. Like you, I was not adequately prepared for his abrupt demise, and in the aftermath, I was uncertain how to process the situation. It felt as if I had not had the opportunity to bid him farewell, to engage in conversation with him, or to listen to his stories. I felt a sense of regret for him, particularly regarding some of the regrets he had in life.
When confronted with the imminent departure of a close family member, many individuals are ill-prepared to accept the reality of the situation. Despite the perception that there is still ample time to adjust, the inevitable ultimately prevails. This leads to a state of resistance, manifested as a hope that the reality of the situation will not materialize.
Following the demise of my grandfather, I experienced a sense of longing for his presence when I was away from home. However, upon my actual return, I came to realize that he had, in fact, passed away.
I also find it peculiar that I feel so tangible, as though my grandfather is still here, still at home, still expecting something from me, and still caring about me.
I have discovered that despite the fact that my grandfather is no longer in this world, his love and support for me have always been present. They will not disappear, but can last forever, and there will always be a place for him in my heart.
I empathize with your situation. When confronted with the loss of a significant individual, our emotional responses can be complex and multifaceted. However, it is crucial to recognize that suppressing or avoiding these feelings is not a constructive approach.
Indeed, a common misconception is that grief is something to be avoided or suppressed. Many individuals may feel the need to present a facade of strength and positivity, believing that doing so will conceal their vulnerability. However, it is important to recognize that grief, when experienced in a healthy manner, can be a valuable and positive emotion.
Sadness is one of the seven basic emotions that humans are born with. It is an inherent and inescapable aspect of the human condition.
One might then inquire as to the reason behind this emotional state.
In essence, grief can be defined as a state of loss.
The demise of a cherished individual, the forfeiture of a cherished object, and the dissolution of a cherished relationship are all forms of loss.
Does this imply that sadness is exclusive to situations involving loss?
The issue is that avoidance of loss is not a viable strategy. As with birth, aging, illness, and death, loss is a normal aspect of life. The critical objective is not to evade loss but to identify effective methods for coping with grief following loss.
The question thus arises as to how this can be achieved.
Firstly, it is essential to acknowledge the emotional state of sadness.
Once grief is accepted, it becomes evident that it can confer numerous advantages.
Grief can be conceptualized as a cry for help. When individuals grieve, they may attract the attention and sympathy of others, who may perceive them as vulnerable and offer protection. Under the protection and care of others, individuals may gain temporary safety from others' attacks. The comfort and persuasion of others may also facilitate the acquisition of new knowledge and understanding.
Once an individual has experienced the pain of loss, they are better equipped to empathize with the suffering of others, fostering a deeper emotional connection.
Secondly, it is important to express grief in a moderate manner.
One may choose to compose a written missive to the elderly individual, wherein one may express one's feelings and thoughts in any manner one sees fit. There is no need to concern oneself with the neatness of the handwriting or the logical coherence of the content; one should simply express oneself as freely as one wishes.
However, it is essential to exercise moderation in all aspects of the grieving process.
Individuals experiencing profound grief tend to accentuate recollections of distress and diminish those of joy.
It is important to recognize that while sadness is a natural emotion, joy is also a part of life. When we grieve excessively, we may become overly focused on the negative aspects of our experiences, which can disrupt our ability to maintain a positive outlook. It is essential to prioritize our own well-being and health as a foundation for resilience and positive growth.
It is therefore essential to express grief in moderation, to prioritise physical and mental health, and to prioritise self-care in order to maintain the capacity and energy required to support others.
Thirdly, it is imperative to take action.
When grief is excessive, it can affect one's perception of success or failure. Those who are grieving tend to view themselves as responsible for failure. Once this mindset is established, it can impede one's ability to engage in positive actions, potentially leading to a prolonged state of grief.
Consequently, one of the reactions that may manifest during the grieving process is a lack of action. Prolonged grieving may result in the intensification and perpetuation of the grief response.
One must avoid excessive dwelling in grief; rather, one should promptly address the source of distress. To illustrate, in the case of the demise of an elderly individual, there are methods for maintaining a healthy and ongoing connection with the deceased.
The utilization of a constructive and salutary methodology to manage the enduring bond between the living and the departed, and to reposition the deceased individual within our hearts, constitutes a pivotal aspect of the grieving process.
1. There are positive lessons that can be learned from the deceased, such as the importance of loving, cherishing, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, as well as the value of helping others, kindness, and generosity.
2. In addition to sadness, feelings of warmth and joy may also be experienced when thinking of the deceased.
3. When confronted with challenges, individuals may draw upon the memory of the deceased to provide encouragement, rekindle their inner strength, and instill courage.
4. When contemplating the future, it is possible to accept the reality of the deceased's passing. With a sense of love for the deceased and an enduring sense of sorrow, it is possible to adapt to a new life without the deceased in a constructive and positive manner.
5. Perform the tasks that the deceased desired to complete but was unable to do so.
6. Utilize diverse rituals or methodologies that facilitate a sense of comfort during the process of mourning the deceased.
7. Engage in activities that would be regarded as praiseworthy by the deceased, such as undertaking charitable work in their name.
8. It is recommended that normal spiritual communication with the deceased be maintained. This may be achieved through conversation with others or with the deceased, or through the written recollection of memories of the deceased, which may provide warmth and encouragement.
9. Handle the deceased's belongings properly, such as making photo albums. It should be noted that an inner connection is more powerful than an external form or object, such as using the belongings to maintain a connection with the deceased.
Although death can take away life, it cannot take away our love for our most precious loved ones in life. It is therefore important to cherish this special love and to gain the strength to cope with suffering from this special love.
The awareness of death serves to highlight the value of life, prompting us to value the time we have while we are alive. In essence, the deceased has not departed; their love and support for the bereaved have remained constant. By drawing upon these strengths, individuals can live their lives to the fullest.
Fourthly, engage in activities that you find enjoyable.
In the context of grief, it is essential to recognize that grief is merely an emotional state. The question, therefore, becomes one of whether one allows one's emotions to exert control or whether one is the master of one's emotions.
The decision is at your discretion.
If sadness is a negative emotion, then the activities that one typically enjoys are positive. It is therefore possible to overcome sadness by engaging in positive activities.
The original state of the human heart is neither good nor evil, neither sad nor happy. When we experience good and evil, sadness, and happiness, it indicates that our heart has deviated from its original state. This can be conceptualized as a balance, where an imbalance occurs when one side tilts. In order to restore equilibrium, an opposing force is required.
Wang Yangming posited that humans possess seven fundamental emotional states. Excessive expression of these emotions is regarded as excessive, while insufficient expression is deemed insufficient. A state of emotional equilibrium, neither excessive nor insufficient, is considered optimal. Consequently, individuals are advised to regulate their emotional states in a manner that maintains a neutral and peaceful disposition.
Those who typically engage in reading may find it beneficial to do so at this time, as it can contribute to a more neutral and peaceful state of mind.
It is unavoidable that the tree will oscillate, but it is crucial to prevent it from being subjected to excessive forces that could potentially cause it to break and fall. This principle can be extended to human beings as well.
Accordingly, when experiencing sadness, it is recommended to follow the aforementioned four steps to effectively manage this emotional state and maintain inner peace.
Happiness has its benefits, and sadness has its power. It is therefore important to laugh and cry in moderation. By doing so, we can experience these emotions together, grow together, and embrace ourselves in all states.
I would like to express my sincerest regards to you.
Comments
I can't believe she's gone; it feels like just yesterday we were having those lively discussions, even arguments, and then making up. She was always so strong, handling everything on her own despite the hardships. I miss her so much, and wearing her black sports pants made me feel closer to her. It's hard to accept that she's no longer here, and I find myself holding back from confronting these feelings, unsure of how to move forward.
Her passing came as such a shock, especially knowing how active she was until the end. Reflecting on our last interactions, the chats, the disagreements, and reconciliations, it's bittersweet. I took her black sport pants as a keepsake, hoping they'd bring some comfort. But now, all I can think about is her smile and how much I wish I could have done more for her while she was still with us.
It's strange, I thought I would dream of her, but instead, there's this fear of dreaming, of facing what's really inside me. Losing her has left such a void, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to fully process this loss. Her resilience, even through surgeries and injuries, inspires me, yet her passing leaves me questioning my own actions and wondering what I should do next.