Why do I always depend on others while taking my 6-year-old daughter along?

Hello, question owner, I'm here for you.

You are divorced and fighting the case with your daughter by your side. The pandemic has put you in quarantine a lot. As a mother, lover, and person, I understand how hard this is for you.

The main problem seems to be whether to continue with the other person.

If this is the problem, I hope these answers help:

This decision will be difficult for you. Social relationships are affected by external factors, and we either release or suppress our emotions.

Maslow said, "We underestimate our impact on the world and overestimate our impact on our lives. This is a difficult process of taking responsibility for yourself."

If you're thinking about continuing with the other person, there are probably other things to consider. After a marriage, are you ready to start a new one? Do you want short-lived happiness or long-lasting companionship? Think about what you want, and then other factors will just be a comparison.

To solve this problem, you need to think about it and be brave.

I hope this helps. Take care of yourself and your family. Good luck! :)

It's really frustrating. I can see that your life is also full of a lot of discomfort right now. As a woman in the new era, you have to live and survive alone with your six-year-old daughter. Now that your daughter is approaching the age of kindergarten, it is a critical period for her to learn many skills.

It's also a good idea to think about what kind of care your daughter really needs. Of course, while you're looking after your daughter, it's important to take care of yourself too. If you always rely on others, it might be because your current situation is already pretty tough and you feel like you can't move an inch.

It's only when things get tough that you want to lean on others. If your situation is good enough and you can stay strong, things might turn out differently. You and your ex-husband are currently going through a divorce lawsuit, which is also very upsetting.

It seems like getting married is tough, and then I didn't expect divorce to be so tough, too. You're really under a lot of pressure, and this is also very painful for you. And you also feel insecure. You've met a man who makes you feel comfortable, and the other party can also give you a lot of help.

On the other hand, you have a child, and the other person and your first love also have a child, an 11-year-old boy. This could make it tough for you to support two kids down the road. If you can, both of you should think about your financial situation and see if you can get to know each other first. If it doesn't work out, there's no need to confirm the relationship now. Best wishes.

ZQ?

Hello, dear mother of a six-year-old daughter! I just want to let you know that it's absolutely okay to always feel dependent on others. It's a totally normal thing!

It's only natural to have feelings and to want a romantic relationship. It's great if you can find someone you can share your life with!

First, you're often in isolation, and work is even more stressful, so you need someone to care about you and take care of you. I want to send you my love and support during this difficult time.

Second, it can be tricky to meet a mature, sensible, and upright man online. I'm not sure if you've met him in person yet. Of course, it's not necessary to meet in person, and you just need to consider all the factors carefully.

After all, both of you have been in a family before, and there are so many factors to consider! It's always a good idea to have the same in-depth exchanges and moderate reliance as you would with good friends, without contradiction.

Third, it seems that you're still very interested in him. You're not sure about the depth of your relationship with him or the actual distance between you, but if you feel that both of you might be developing further, I really think you should go for it! Of course, there are restrictions on offline meetings, etc., in the current situation, so you should also consider this carefully.

Fourth, you mentioned at the beginning that you were still in a lawsuit with your ex. I'm not sure how it's going, but I'm sending you lots of good vibes! It's so important to properly end and handle a relationship before starting a new one. And don't forget to put the physical and mental health of your children first, and to put your own physical and mental well-being, interpersonal relationship development, and emotional dependence needs in an equally important position. Remember not to be blindly determined, and to take care of yourself along the way!

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a sense of inner unease, anxiety, and confusion.

Due to the circumstances of having a six-year-old daughter and having been divorced from your former spouse, you have been required to spend a significant amount of time at the quarantine site this year, due to the ongoing pandemic. The resulting pressure from all aspects of your life has led to frequent instances of emotional distress, particularly at night.

It is possible that the individual in question aspires to form a relationship with a strong and secure member of the opposite sex who is more adept at various tasks than they are. This person may seek a partner who can provide support and a sense of security in times of need.

However, upon learning that your partner has been married previously and has a 11-year-old son, you perceive your partner to be in a considerably more challenging situation than you had anticipated. This realization leads you to question the extent to which they are resilient, virtuous, or flawless, as you had previously assumed.

On the one hand, a strong attachment to the individual in question is evident, accompanied by a sense of being unable to disengage. On the other hand, the experiences of the individual in question lead to the assumption that he is in a similar predicament, potentially lacking the capacity to protect himself, and thus raising concerns about his ability to provide a sense of security. The question thus arises as to whether the relationship should be continued.

The other person is merely a projection of the idealized lover within oneself.

It is possible that one does not fully comprehend the other person. The other person's words evoke a sense of warmth and healing, which may prompt the projection of images of a perfect lover onto that person.

However, this is not the case. It is erroneous to assume that another person will conform to one's expectations. Each individual possesses a unique history, experiences, and way of life.

It is necessary to allow sufficient time to elapse in order to gain an accurate understanding of the other person and to ascertain their true character.

The term "miserable" does not necessarily imply a lack of strength.

The expectation is that support and strength will be gained from the other person, but upon understanding the other person's situation, it is perceived that the other person is even worse off than oneself.

It is possible that your concern is that the other person is in a more disadvantageous position than you, and therefore it is unclear how they can provide you with warmth and support.

It is possible that the other person does not view themselves as "miserable." Rather, this experience has led to an increase in gratitude and insight into life.

This may be the reason why he is able to provide you with strength and warmth, and why he appears to be a reliable and dependable individual.

It is only possible to provide oneself with a sense of security.

If one bases one's sense of security on the actions of others, one may ultimately be disappointed.

In the absence of self-love, self-acceptance, and inner peace and tranquility, it is impossible to feel secure.

It would be beneficial to consider one's own shortcomings and limitations, to accept oneself as one is, and to accept one's current situation. Doing so may provide the strength to face reality and to solve problems in a truly effective manner.

Those who are self-sufficient are more likely to perceive and receive love and support from others, which can contribute to their overall happiness and sense of completeness.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello.

I am here to give you advice.

From your text description, it's clear you're living alone with a six-year-old daughter and going through a divorce with your ex-husband. You're tired—physically and mentally. The physical tiredness is manageable, but this mental tiredness is something you can't get out of on your own.

And this year, the pandemic has broken out again. Your current situation, coupled with the physical exhaustion of raising a child, has led to you feeling stressed every night. You have come to recognize your feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and insecurity.

You have found a solution that suits you better for the current situation. You have discovered a software and met someone on this dating app. He can talk to you. He is three years older than you. You have been communicating for four months. You have a particularly good impression of him.

He is older than you and has had different experiences, so you feel he will bring you security, warmth, and a lot of curiosity to get to know him better.

However, you have not yet dealt with your previous marriage and are caught up in trivial matters. On the other hand, you have met this man, who seems to be very much to your liking. You have also considered the current situation: you are raising your daughter on your own, and you are hesitant to rush into things with this man.

From my perspective, you were able to find such a person through dating and communicate with him for nearly four months. I firmly believe you have been greatly relieved in this relationship.

No matter what the outcome of your relationship with him will be, we should be grateful for these four months of companionship.

We must also consider the trustworthiness of friends met through this software. It may only be a short period of four months, and he has hidden many things from you during your communication. He may be too sad to face this matter and therefore reluctant to mention it. Or, he may have other deeper plans.

In the current Internet age, there is a lot of disinformation and people with bad intentions. They will take advantage of the Internet as a platform and the fact that they can communicate without using their real names. They will use his warmth and these qualities to make women fall for them by empathizing with them and putting themselves in their shoes.

You've already started thinking about the relationship, which is a good thing. You realize you're a little helpless, but you don't need to worry. What you need to think about is your plan for your relationship with your ex-husband and your future life with your daughter.

You need to decide whether you're going to fight the divorce case through to the end.

Or should you consider reconciling with your ex-husband?

Or do you and your daughter intend to live independently in the future?

You need to decide whether you want to find a new partner or leave it up to fate.

We must think this through carefully. It's easier for adults to start a relationship again, but children take time to accept new people and relationships. We will consult her. We will make a decision after careful consideration.

Now, think back to the past four months and consider the following: the trustworthiness of this person and whether you can accept his past.

You need to decide what kind of life you and your daughter want to lead in the future.

Also, think back to your first encounter with your ex-husband. What attracted you to him? What led to your decision to get a divorce?

I am certain that communicating with this man on the dating app will be an invaluable opportunity for you to rethink your life.

I wish you the best.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate with you one-on-one.

I am the founder of the Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You. You can find us at https://m.xinli001.com/qa.

Good morning,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and can empathize with the confusion you are feeling from the content.

Furthermore, I noted that the host has courageously disclosed his personal challenges and proactively sought assistance on the platform. This will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of the host's situation and self-awareness.

This will enable you to make choices that are appropriate for you.

I will now proceed to share my observations and reflections from the aforementioned post, which I believe may assist you in viewing yourself from a more diverse perspective.

1. When we are unable to find an answer within ourselves, we will look outside.

From the aforementioned post, it is evident that the individual in question is undergoing a divorce with her former spouse. This year, due to the ongoing pandemic, she has been stationed at an isolation site on numerous occasions. When coupled with her marital situation, she often experiences feelings of overwhelming stress at night. I, too, am a highly insecure person. Having read this, I can empathize with the pain and loneliness that the individual in question feels when her emotions intensify at night.

In the face of significant pressure, pain, and loneliness, individuals often turn to avoidance as a coping mechanism. Distraction is a common method of avoiding these challenging emotions.

This is why the other party becomes involved at this juncture. Given that the other party has also experienced significant challenges, it is relatively straightforward to identify common ground at this stage.

At this juncture, it would be beneficial to have someone to guide you out of this emotional state. When our own needs cannot be satisfied by seeking inwardly, we may turn to seek solutions externally.

2. Distinguish between liking and needing.

From the content of the post, it is evident that you initiated a relationship with him because you required guidance and emotional support. During the course of the relationship, you indicated that you have developed feelings for him. It is crucial to ascertain whether these feelings are driven by his needs or your own desires.

This is something that you need to explore and consider. It is important to note that there is a distinction between needing and liking.

There is no universal definition.

3. Please describe the type of intimate relationship you desire.

In the aforementioned post, the host referenced an individual who has consistently elicited a positive emotional response, yet who is situated in a less advantageous position than the host. I am uncertain as to whether I should proceed. What factors might have prompted the host to hesitate?

After learning about his true situation, you have expressed some reservations. What are the psychological factors behind this hesitation?

This is a direction that the host can explore and gain a deeper understanding of. Conversely, the host may wish to consider their preferences regarding the nature of their desired intimate relationship.

Given the host's previous experience with marriage, they should have a more nuanced understanding of the institution. At this juncture, it is possible to gain greater clarity on one's expectations.

Once you have identified the core needs you desire in an intimate relationship, you can then assess whether the other person is the optimal choice. It may be beneficial to make a decision at this juncture.

4. Allow yourself the necessary time and space to reflect.

If the original poster is unable to think clearly about this issue for a while, there is no need to rush. The individual can consider freezing the relationship for the time being, allowing themselves some time and space, refocusing their attention on themselves, working hard to improve and learn, and even seeking professional counseling to clarify their thoughts.

I hope these words are of some assistance and inspiration to you.

Good day. I extend a warm greeting from afar.

In the context of the ongoing pandemic, the financial and personal uncertainties, and the physical and emotional toll of the marital dispute, it is understandable that you feel isolated with your child. This situation has led to a profound sense of helplessness and powerlessness, accompanied by a strong desire for support, comfort, encouragement, and emotional understanding.

The appearance of this individual coincided with the fulfillment of certain inner needs, leading to a growing level of interest and dependence on him. His willingness to discuss his past relationship with his first love reinforced the perception of sincerity, trust, and attention, which in turn replaced the sense of helplessness and powerlessness previously experienced.

Please provide your thoughts on this matter.

At this juncture, you reassess your self-worth, which leads to greater confidence and energy. You are motivated to provide optimal support and respond to him in a more constructive manner, as you recognize your ability to do so. He also requires your comfort, consideration, and assistance.

It is fortunate that you have encountered a potential life partner at a time when you are experiencing a personal low point. However, it is also important to ascertain whether your feelings for this individual are driven primarily by a desire to reciprocate, to demonstrate your own value, or whether they are genuinely rooted in love.

Individuals experiencing extreme deprivation and depression may find it challenging to make objective and accurate judgments.

It is important to be aware of your gradual dependence on him and whether your feelings for him are stronger because he satisfies your inner needs. Additionally, the emotional and financial challenges you have faced following your divorce and raising a child alone may temporarily prevent you from recognizing your own strengths and abilities. It is essential to understand whether your own needs can be met through your own efforts.

Entering a relationship without due consideration is irresponsible to oneself and disrespectful to the other person. It will ultimately lead to the deterioration of the relationship, as no individual is obliged to provide what you seek except yourself. What you desire in the relationship must first be obtained through your own efforts.

Therefore, you have the option of maintaining the current positive status of the relationship, but you must also prioritize your own growth and development. The success of the relationship hinges on both parties' ability to manage the relationship effectively. This presents an opportunity to gain deeper insights into each other's perspectives and address the underlying issues from your marriage.

I am the youngest member of the Q&A Pavilion team. I am grateful for your interest in our services.

There is a correlation between inner and outer abundance.

It is important to be aware that the online world is a virtual space, and that the stories that men tell you may be a decoy, designed to lure you in.

Your first marriage has ended, regardless of the circumstances. Neither party emerged victorious. Marriage is not a relationship based on unconditional love; it is a contractual agreement with specific conditions. As you transition out of your previous marriage, I advise you to cultivate confidence and self-reliance.

I am aware that there are challenges in reality, but only when you are rich inside can you be rich outside. It is essential to improve your inner self, move on from your past experiences, and let go of the past. It is crucial to understand the reason for your failed marriage and examine yourself, rather than directing all your negative feelings towards your former spouse.

It is important to avoid making comparisons between every man you meet and your former husband. Attempting to prove that the divorce was his fault may lead you to believe that other men are superior to your ex.

I advise you to take some time to reflect, learn from your experiences, plan for your future, and move on from the shadow of divorce as soon as possible. Be optimistic and confident, and set a good example for your partner.

If you allow yourself to flourish, opportunities will arise.

A woman in her second marriage has a deeper understanding of love and is therefore more attractive. You have the right to find love again and find a man who is really right for you. However, you must improve your heart, temperament, and energy.

Simply be the best version of yourself. Live and express your optimal state of being. Be happy daily and dress in a manner that reflects your personal style. In this high-frequency energy state, you will attract love and good fortune. This is what the ancients sought to achieve. Remember that all beauty is created in your mind.

Be confident, be gentle, be beautiful, be kind, and all the positive outcomes will follow.

Best regards,